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Tag Archive 'Christmas'


God in the News: The Santa Massacre

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Hello there humans! How are you doing? I’m feeling chipper. Was your Christmas pleasant? Mine was wonderful. Maybe it was all the Christmas Rum laced with Ecstasy at My Christmas Party, but by midnight [...]

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#57 Jewish Children

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
If you are a human aged 0-12 who eats a lot of bagels, then you are likely a Jewish child and I hate you. I will do everything in My Infinite Power to smite [...]

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Christmas Prayers

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In the spirit of the Season of My Son’s Birth, which is apparently love, I grant the faithful readers of My Divine Blog the chance to send Me their Christmas prayers.
I don’t know why [...]

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#56 Santa Claus

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to receive the Word of God, as written by your Lord and Savior, The Prince of Peace: Jesus The Christ!

Hello My children, Jesus here. I’ve been waiting all year so I could make this very clear once and for all – I frigging hate Santa Claus!
I’ve always hated [...]

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