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Smitings

Aug 18th, 2008 by God

This is a list of all the smitings I’ve performed on the heathen readers of My Blog thus far. It’s a pity there’s not more. I am far too merciful these days.

#11 iambetterthanyou

#7 The Unpleasant Jew

#5 Jane Abraham

#1 Dick Franing

NOTE: If you would like to request that I smite someone, you may do so here. Don’t bother praying - I don’t listen to those anymore.

75 Responses to “Smitings”

on 19 Aug 2008 at 3:00 pm1ScubaDo

#9 could use a booster smite.
on 19 Aug 2008 at 10:23 pm2Barack Obama

Please smite John McCain for me. And Bridgette too.
on 20 Aug 2008 at 1:47 am3creativecat

You should smite Walmart. With the way they’re taking everything over, they may come after You next! :O
on 20 Aug 2008 at 3:11 am4Christian The Jew

God, I know you smote him with no acting ability, but why the hell haven’t you put a Holy Smiting on Ben Affleck?
He’s still alive..
Is he your way of smiting the rest of us?
on 20 Aug 2008 at 4:32 am5Blargera

Dear God,

Please smite more.

Blargera

PS - You rule.
on 20 Aug 2008 at 12:35 pm6Yo Yo Ma Ma

Hmmm…Wal-Mart taking over God. I see a Smiley face being crucified, then jumping down off the cross and dropping the tithing percentage - “Lower prices every day!
on 20 Aug 2008 at 12:36 pm7Yo Yo Ma Ma

Of course, God would have to work weekends and alternating weeknights.
on 20 Aug 2008 at 1:29 pm8Scarface

yo God, can you smite Samson for me b? he killed killer yo!
on 20 Aug 2008 at 2:13 pm9Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, You smote a fast food restaurant for me, so I’m all set for the moment on smitings. Keep up the Good work!
on 20 Aug 2008 at 2:19 pm10The Very Incredibly Unpleasant Jew

you know what you should smite?

YOUR FACE!
on 20 Aug 2008 at 4:04 pm11Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, can you shit! smite the jerk shit! shit!! who infected my Bill Gates sucks Steve Job!! PC with coprolalia?
on 20 Aug 2008 at 4:09 pm12Ben

SMITE SMITE SMITE!!! SMITE SHIT!! love this page God. LOVE. IT.

especially my smiting. even thought it hurt at first, I ended up banging that girl in the elevator. of course, she gave me herpes (nice trick, God!), but whatever it was worth it.
on 23 Aug 2008 at 10:06 pm13Christian The Jew

How about the corp coffee assholes from starbucks. They deserve a good smiting
on 24 Aug 2008 at 9:12 am14Lucifer

God-

Smite yourself up the ass for not keeping your “God On The Bible” listing updated. Bastard.

Love,
- Lou
on 25 Aug 2008 at 7:04 am15iambetterthanyou

I AM IMMUNE FROM SMITINGS BITCHES!!!!!!!!!
on 25 Aug 2008 at 3:19 pm16uppity cracka

please smite iambetterthanyou for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which is a defective sense of the funny. thanks. shut up…um….cooper, i guess.
on 26 Aug 2008 at 6:48 am17iambetterthanyou

uppity, I am not Cooper, nor am I associated with him in any way, and I have more of a sense of humour than you.

As for threatening to smite me, you shall receive the smiting instead, because I know you’ve been a snitch.
on 27 Aug 2008 at 11:35 am18Lucifer

This whole post is entrapment. God hates snitches.
on 28 Aug 2008 at 10:07 am19iambetterthanyou

Lucifer, did you just call me a snitch?
on 28 Aug 2008 at 2:02 pm20uppity cracka

iambetterthanyou claims to have a better sense of humor than me. it’s hard to take anyone seriously with a name like that. i never said you were cooper, oh superior one.

shut up, ben and cooper.
on 28 Aug 2008 at 2:03 pm21The Unpleasant Jew

iambetterthanyou is better than no one. he stinks
on 28 Aug 2008 at 2:06 pm22uppity cracka

plus, he’s a snitch.
on 30 Aug 2008 at 11:16 am23iambetterthanyou

LIES ALL OF YE WHO BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!!!!

I have no history in the whole snitching thing. Besides, TUJ and UC always snitch.
on 30 Aug 2008 at 2:34 pm24random guy

could you smite anne johnson?
on 30 Aug 2008 at 2:39 pm25random guy

ll
ll
==:)==
ll
ll
ll
ll

walmart shall die
on 30 Aug 2008 at 2:39 pm26random guy

what did it do to my cross?!
on 30 Aug 2008 at 2:40 pm27random guy

it was perfect in the comment box thing……
on 30 Aug 2008 at 2:41 pm28random guy

please ignore comments 25-27
on 30 Aug 2008 at 4:27 pm29Josh

is this the random guy that does the marvel dc videos?
on 30 Aug 2008 at 10:32 pm30random guy

no
on 30 Aug 2008 at 10:33 pm31random guy

this is just a RANDOM GUY-PERSON-THING, hence the name
on 31 Aug 2008 at 1:48 am32anne johnson

Hey, what did I do to you? Never mind, I’m sure it was something shitty.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 1:49 am33anne johnson

I wonder what would happen if God stood in front of a mirror and smote himself.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 2:49 am34Bridgette

The person who will be smited the most by the REAL GOD is the writer of this blasphemous and evil.

” For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,

Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Mark 7:21-23 (King James Version)
on 31 Aug 2008 at 9:32 am35Lucifer

Amen, sistah! Jealous be His Name!
on 31 Aug 2008 at 9:33 am36Lucifer

Curtis, stop defiling men.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 1:31 pm37random guy

Bridgette just shut up you have been smited, smited people don’t talk because most smited people are dead and dead people don’t talk
on 31 Aug 2008 at 2:36 pm38anne johnson

See, this is when it’s good to be a woman, because only men are doing that bad shit, like murder and blasphemy. We gals just make casseroles.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 2:38 pm39anne johnson

Bridgette, you are named after a Pagan goddess! Please try to live up to your legacy.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 6:08 pm40Tony Snow

guy,

You Shut Up! Dead people do talk if they are born again. God smote me twice, but he let me into Heaven because I started out as a devout Catholic worshipping him with all my heart and ten percent of my bread.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 9:28 pm41anne johnson

You know how God smites people? He gives them children.
on 31 Aug 2008 at 9:36 pm42Tony Snow

And then some …

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/8/30/121350/137/486/580223
on 31 Aug 2008 at 10:13 pm43random guy

tony, i’m talking about people who are dead and AREN’T born again…..
on 31 Aug 2008 at 10:40 pm44anne johnson

And Tony’s talking about people who won’t be able to comprehend the concept of “born again.”
on 31 Aug 2008 at 11:08 pm45random guy

this is as close as i could come to smiting walmart…. watch all of it!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd61LnxqSng \
on 31 Aug 2008 at 11:21 pm46anne johnson

Sorry, couldn’t. Smite me.
on 01 Sep 2008 at 2:52 pm47WeirdoChris

I would like to pose this question to Bridget. It seems like sometimes that you don’t believe that this is the ‘Real God’ who post this blog. I would like to ask what makes you so certain. I assume that you believe that God is all-powerful and all knowing. If that is the case, then wouldn’t he be powerful enough to have internet and knowledgeable enough to work a computer? Every thing God has said on his blog seems to be straight out of the Bible. If you don’t believe that God can start his own blog about stuff that pisses him off, then maybe you should take another look at your faith.
on 01 Sep 2008 at 4:55 pm48random guy

chris does have a point…..

FACE! Bridgette!
on 01 Sep 2008 at 5:19 pm49random guy

hey god could you smite the retards who came up with this:
http://everystudent.com/features/isthere.html?gclid=CMLbj5-Mu5UCFQLBsgod8nrhQA
or at least give them less retarded reasons
on 01 Sep 2008 at 7:06 pm50Lucifer

Shut up, Ran. God has already said plenty of times that He loves the retards.
on 01 Sep 2008 at 8:08 pm51Miss Fortune

Random, that was a good link… but sometimes you really sound like a retarded thirteen-year-old boy.
on 05 Sep 2008 at 6:37 pm52The Very Incredibly Unpleasant Jew

god, don’t you have to add your latest smitedededding to this page?
on 05 Sep 2008 at 11:44 pm53random guy

hey God,

where can i find a keyboard with a “smite” key?
on 05 Sep 2008 at 11:52 pm54random guy

……..ll
……..ll
===:)===
……..ll
……..ll
……..ll
……..ll
……..ll

tryin my cross again…..
on 05 Sep 2008 at 11:53 pm55random guy

awesome!!!!!!!!!
on 05 Sep 2008 at 11:53 pm56random guy

walmart shall die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on 06 Sep 2008 at 7:03 pm57The Happy Pagan

You know God, I was wondering why you don’t smite all those other Gods? Is it that they’re more powerful than you?
on 12 Sep 2008 at 7:16 am58The Grim Reaper

Well, he did already state that those so called ‘gods’ as merely wannabes, in which case, only God is God.
on 12 Sep 2008 at 7:19 am59iamstillbetterthanyou

God, I demand You unsmite iambetterthanyou AT ONCE!!!

Also, hurry the fuck up and smite that octopus-raping tranny known as uppity cracka, will You?
on 12 Sep 2008 at 11:55 am60anne johnson

Happy Pagan, let’s just say that if all the gods and goddesses had a banquet, God would be lucky if he was allowed to bus the tables.
on 12 Sep 2008 at 12:22 pm61uppity cracka

octopus raping? that’s not funny. see, what you’re doing there is trying to be creative, but it’s neither creative nor funny. that’s why you gto smited in the first place.
on 12 Sep 2008 at 1:29 pm62Yo Yo Ma Ma

Looks like Texas is going to get a smiting from Ike.
on 12 Sep 2008 at 1:32 pm63uppity cracka

texas is getting smited for sure. fuck texas anyway.
on 12 Sep 2008 at 1:33 pm64Yo Yo Ma Ma

“New Yorkers are neurotic and unfriendly, says Cambridge University ‘personality map’ ”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/2779683/New-Yorkers-are-neurotic-and-unfriendly-says-Cambridge-University-personality-map.html

Mainers are disagreeable and not conscientious. So stay away.
on 12 Sep 2008 at 1:36 pm65Yo Yo Ma Ma

Texas’ new motto: At least we’re not Mississippi!
on 12 Sep 2008 at 1:55 pm66Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Texas deserves to be smited.

Who is this ‘betterthanthou’ character? He comes off as male but his demanding character would lead one to believe that he’s actually a bitch.
on 16 Oct 2008 at 5:27 pm67Bloodvork

Even Obi Wan hates Bridgette.
http://obiwanisadick.ytmnd.com/
on 12 Nov 2008 at 11:15 pm68Hal Monroe

wawh92z5ave0kr6e
on 12 Nov 2008 at 11:22 pm69Josh

God,
please mite Hal Monroe, with a PENIS SMITE.

Amen
on 11 Dec 2009 at 6:10 am70Miss~Match'd

Big Man Upstairs,
smite the Disney Empire, pleeeeease??? They’re taking over the world with their homoerotic JoBros and whore-faced Hannah Montanna.
And Marvel comics, because Spiderman likes it in the ass.

amen
on 15 Aug 2010 at 6:57 am71ShunRenHu

Dear Yahuweh,

Please smite two chinese communist party leaders of China Jin-Tao Hu and Jia-Bao Wen but have mercy on China.
on 15 Aug 2010 at 6:59 am72ShunRenHu

Dear Almighty God,

Would you Please smite two chinese communist party leaders of China Jin-Tao Hu and Jia-Bao Wen but have mercy on China.

AMEN
on 16 Aug 2010 at 2:15 pm73ShunRenHu

Would you please smite Maria Ozawa for me by give her a Deadly\Deadlier Disease!
on 16 Aug 2010 at 2:16 pm74ShunRenHu

Would you please smite Maria Ozawa for me by give her a Deadly\Deadlier Disease!
PS:THis is her blog below.
http://ameblo.jp/ozawamaria
on 16 Aug 2010 at 3:04 pm75ShunRenHu

Will you please smite Democracy Progressive Party for me and for Chinese Nationalist Party! let them loose the 2010 Metropolitan Elections.

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