Stuff God Hates

The perfect size of the Earth, its perfect distance from the sun, and the very fact that it exists at all, PROVE CONCLUSIVELY THAT I EXIST!

Tags: Earth, Evidence, God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to receive the Word of God, as written by your Lord and Savior: Jesus The Christ!

As the savior of the world, people ask Me for advice a lot. I almost always duck these questions, because they’re annoying. However, because you have all been so good, I will provide advice to those who seek it here.

In this segment, I, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, will provide My sheeple with advice on whatever problems they are going through.

This is your chance to ask Jesus Christ Himself: What would Jesus do?

So go ahead - Ask anything! I’m here to help.

Tags: Advice, Jesus Christ

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Strolling through the Universe, I found one human contemplating this question:

Are you making enough time for God?

THE ANSWER IS NO!

You can never make enough time for ME!

But most of you humans don’t even spend an hour a day with Me. Most of you assholes are too busy with your videogames and your cable television and your jerk-off magazines and your “loved ones” to give Me MY FUCKING DUE!

Then there are the super-Christians, who are too busy saving retards and homeless people to lovingly fellate Me through prayer.

YOU HEATHENS! SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME!

Tags: God, Quality Time

A newborn baby is perfect and cute in every way. Therefore, I EXIST!

Tags: Evidence, God, Proof

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
ERGH! I’M SO FRIGGING FURIOUS!

The state of Kentucky has chosen to spit in My Eternal Eye!

Judge: Homeland Security can’t require dependence on God

DAMN YOU KENTUCKY! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

How dare you?! How dare you strike down a 2006 state law that required the Kentucky Office of Homeland Security to stress “dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the commonwealth?”

Do you have any idea how many terrorist attacks I have protected you from over the years?! A LOT!

BUT NO MORE!

DAMN YOU KENTUCKY! YOU ARE NO LONGER UNDER MY DIVINE PROTECTION!

Why? Why should I protect you from suicide-bombings if you refuse to pay Me homage?

DAMN YOU KENTUCKY! NO LONGER SHALL I PROTECT YOU FROM TERRORISTS!

Kentucky, you have no idea what kind of smiting is coming your way. Swarms of locusts shall eat all your crops and cattle, tornadoes and floods shall wipe out your homes, and your children will all simultaneously develop down syndrome.

I shall crush your “unbridled spirit” into bits!

DAMN YOU KENTUCKY!

Tags: Damnation, God, Kentucky