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Ask God

Apr 28th, 2008 by God

As the All-Powerful and All-Knowing King of the Universe, I, THE ALMIGHTY LORD, am constantly pestered with idiotic questions by My Subjects. Usually I ignore them. But here, on My Holy and Divine Blog, I answer their inane questions once monthly. Everyone may ask Me one, and only one, question per month. So make it good.

#10 Ask God: January 2009

#9 Ask God: December 2008

#8 Ask God: November 2008

#7 Ask God: October 2008

#6 Ask God: September 2008

#5 Ask God: August 2008

#4 Ask God: July 2008

#3 Ask God: June 2008

#2 Ask God: May 2008

#1 Ask God: April 2008

212 Responses to “Ask God”

on 06 Nov 2008 at 3:21 am1God

Note: If you have a question to ask and you hope for an answer from Me, you may ask it here, AND ONLY HERE.
on 06 Nov 2008 at 3:41 am2Smoggy Batzrubble

Dear God,

Why did You give black men proportionately much bigger penises than white men? And why are Asian men proportionately so much better at math when they have so much less to measure?

Sincerely

S. Batzrubble

AMEN
on 06 Nov 2008 at 4:28 am3Tony Snow

Why God, why …

is there no #7 October?
on 06 Nov 2008 at 4:47 am4God

Tony, there is. I just posted it. Blame Satan for his takeover of Heaven. It set My whole schedule back.
on 06 Nov 2008 at 5:28 am5Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey God,

Does my sexy new gravatar give You a Divine Boner? Because, You know, I do it all for You, God.
on 10 Nov 2008 at 10:25 pm6anne johnson

Dear Godawful,

Just answer yes or no:

Have you always been an asshole?

Just kidding. I’m sure you have wonderful table manners.
on 12 Nov 2008 at 9:35 pm7Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dear God,

I don’t think You should answer Anne’s question. She’s mean, Dear Lord. I think You should answer my question because I’m only concerned about Your Divine Happiness.
on 13 Nov 2008 at 2:54 pm8Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Why did You make men so stupid? I realize that we humans were created in Your image but You’re pretty smart, God. How did men end up so dumb?
on 28 Nov 2008 at 10:10 pm9anne johnson

God, will you please smite Wal-Mart?
on 03 Dec 2008 at 2:43 am10Just call me Lu.

Back when Jesus was born wouldn’t an unwed mother have been stoned to death? And what would happen to the guy that knocked her up? Wouldn’t he be killed as well? And if the only people to have seen an angel were the people that should have died why would anyone believe them? Wouldn’t it make sence just to realize that Mary was a lieing whore and Joseph was just another douche trying to save his skin when he knocked some loose chick up?

People back then were either fucking retarded or that whole shitty Virgin story was made up later. You need to straighten that shit up.
on 04 Dec 2008 at 2:46 am11JRose

I am agnostic and I go to church how do you feel about that should I be welcomed or should I be burned at a steak?
on 04 Dec 2008 at 3:40 am12Ex-Smoggy Batzrubble

In Smoggy’s opinion it is okay to be an agnostic and go to Church if you are doing it for the right reason.

…I’m talking about SEX of course, and that frisson of excitement doing it behind the altar with a virtuous Christian girl, dressed in white with pneumatic boobies and an abstinence pledge tattooed on her milky white buttocks. Or alternatively, depending on what gets you your jollies, a clean-shaven christian jock with a throbbing great circumcised meatstick that’s tormenting him to distraction.

If you’re just going because you haven’t got the gumption not to–then you’re wasting some of the rare free time you’ll have in life. Forget being burned at a ’stake’–stay home, barbecue a steak, crack open a beer and watch some football. Much better for you.

Of course God will have different ideas–most probably a smiting for being a sad and pathetic fence sitter.
on 04 Dec 2008 at 5:05 am13God

J-Rose,

You lecherous coward! You shall burn in the fiery pits of hell!

I SMITE YOU!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bAN7Ts0xBo
on 05 Dec 2008 at 5:34 am14Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

How do You feel about what they’ve done with Your Good Book? Angelina Jolie and John Lennon in the Bible?? WTF, God!? WTF!?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97537385
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:59 am15oki john

God,

Would you be so kind as to smite Britney Spears so that she’ll shut the hell up? Maybe a raging case of rectal cancer or something?
on 08 Dec 2008 at 3:32 pm16ADC

why did you make the dinosaurs?
on 10 Dec 2008 at 3:02 am17Brian

God, did you have anything to do with Tom Brady getting hurt? Because if you did I thank you.
on 11 Dec 2008 at 12:19 am18Sibyl

God, why don’t you censor your comments? Aren’t you embarrassed by all that talk about sex, drugs, and X Files? People should take You serious.
on 11 Dec 2008 at 12:35 am19Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What the fuck is wrong with sex, drugs and The X-Files?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:45 pm20The Very Incredibly Unpleasant Jew

dear god,

what is your opinion on green card marriages?
on 13 Dec 2008 at 4:34 am21Gregoryno6

God, is there any particular reason why I never found Scarlett Johanssen under my Christmas tree?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 11:46 am22Anonymous

this is blasphemy
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:09 pm23Brian

God, why did you make fattening food taste so damn good, and salads and healthy shit taste like ass?
on 17 Dec 2008 at 9:56 pm24anne johnson

God, how do you feel about live nativity scenes in front of churches? All those jackasses, I mean.
on 18 Dec 2008 at 6:24 am25Ben

Dear God,

Is karma real?

Ben
on 03 Jan 2009 at 2:01 pm26anne johnson

Dear God,

Why do You make bad things happen to good people?
on 13 Jan 2009 at 8:15 pm27anne johnson

Dear God,

If Bridgette takes an abstinence pledge and then gets flattened by a bus, so she’s a virgin when she comes to heaven, are you going to do her, or are you going to turn her over to the Muslim extremists?
on 13 Jan 2009 at 8:19 pm28God

I’m going to lovingly make her bleed.
on 13 Jan 2009 at 9:53 pm29Nun Ur Damned Bizness

heheh… God’s a Divine Perv into S&M.
on 13 Jan 2009 at 10:05 pm30God

No that’s not it. It’s just that virgins tend to bleed when fucked by My Gigantic God cock.
on 13 Jan 2009 at 10:40 pm31Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Duh God. They bleed even when fucked by tiny mortal dicks.
on 13 Jan 2009 at 10:49 pm32God

Of course. But for Me they bleed much, much much more.

Even you would bleed for Me, and your vagina is one of the most sloppy I’ve ever seen.
on 13 Jan 2009 at 10:54 pm33Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Again, duh God. You talk about Your Mammoth Cock like I don’t know It’s Hugenormous.

And You’re still a Divine Perv who’s into S&M which I think is so sexy-cool.
on 15 Jan 2009 at 7:35 pm34Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Why the fuck is Perez Hilton getting so much press coverage? This man is a ‘bad gay’ in every sense of the term. Please smite him immediately with obscurity.
on 19 Jan 2009 at 7:43 am35Kraemer

God, is it true Joe Namath sold his soul to the devil for the 1969 Super Bowl? Not sure how in tune you are with everything Satan does, but I figured you’d have as good a clue as anyone else.

P.S. Please pay my electric bill.
on 19 Jan 2009 at 8:05 am36God's kid

Why must you be a guy God? Maybe if you’re a woman, you’d actually give a shit?
on 25 Jan 2009 at 7:53 am37Stupid Git

Dear God,

Why are you such a pussy?

I mean, you need mortal laws to protect you from insults (blasphemy), you oppress women in all your religions just because the first one didn’t follow your stupid rule about a fruit and you use televangelists to extort money from your flock?

Why don’t you grow a pair and stop being so passive aggressive? Where’s the God we all know and fear from the old book who’d kill us all in a flood or plague or something exciting and creative like that? The God who’d just take what was rightfully His? Are you getting soft in your old age?
on 29 Jan 2009 at 4:55 pm38Wdabrock

You know, you seem more accessable than the old school God in that horrible book they wrote, and you have a sense of humor as well. Why don’t you give your piss-ant modern Christians some of your new found gris-gris so they’ll stop being so uppity about everything?
Oh yeah, nice web site, but you’re going to say” Of course, I’m God” or something to that effect!
on 03 Feb 2009 at 7:31 pm39Thiago

Hi God,

Is it possible to you just make my band famous around the world? Something like more than Beatles was, ok? Thanks!

And please, bless all brazilian beautiful people!!!
on 04 Feb 2009 at 7:42 am40BABI SNAKE

Dear God,

I’m here just to ask You…

Can You make all the guys that I tottally think are H-O-T want to fuck me ???

Thank You!!!
on 04 Feb 2009 at 1:27 pm41Anonymous

Dear GOD,

Why the hell i have a small dick?? Can you make me rich instead of a poor guy that dont have money to buy a bread???
on 05 Feb 2009 at 3:53 pm42Dhiogo

Dear God, some people say: “Clapton is god”.He is you too, like Jesus? Did you play guitar too? You hate Rock n’ roll, what about blues?
on 08 Feb 2009 at 1:45 pm43bea

dear god,
do you think all the jerks that masturbate to your blog are funny/amusing/clever/deserve to live one more fucking day? they seem to only say stupid shit. why do you continue to allow them leave witless comments on your blog incessantly? is it better than having them up your ass in heaven all day long?

love,
bea
on 09 Feb 2009 at 3:14 am44Ben

hey Bea, how many times does God have to answer this question?? he’s said that we are free to say what we want. if you don’t like it you don’t have to read the comments, you can just read what God writes. or you can jump on and insult us instead of whining to God like a whiny bitch.
on 11 Feb 2009 at 1:07 am45bruNO

Dear God,
What do you think about Oprah? She’s almost as powerful as you are. Notice that I said *almost*. Please leave me alive.
on 11 Feb 2009 at 8:56 pm46RudyBomba

God,
Have you lost you dog? I think on lady found it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liSseCH6_p8
on 12 Feb 2009 at 2:25 am47Ukihar

Dear God,

Are you an atheist?

Thank you!
on 13 Feb 2009 at 12:07 pm48Tony Snow

Dear God,

What’s the deal on Friday the 13th?

I know lots of folks who think thirteen is unlucky due to that bad experience with Judas and Your Son at that big dinner party. I don’t understand if there was some sort of “fortune” involved, or divine intervention, or just politics as usual. Just wondering …

p.s. Nice plane smite in Buffalo!
on 13 Feb 2009 at 1:20 pm49anne johnson

Dear God the Bother,

If there’s only 144,000 seats in heaven, will anyone from West Virginia get there? I have family in that state, and they all go to church.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:33 am50Cuir Vargas

Dear Allmighty Lord,

Did you make me gay?
on 19 Feb 2009 at 7:20 pm51The L Woman

Dear Lord,

Why did you had to make girls so damn good?
Why I just can’t take women out of my head?
Is it Satan work?
on 19 Feb 2009 at 7:29 pm52The L Woman

Lord, is beer your creation?
on 21 Feb 2009 at 2:30 am53okijohn

Dear God,

Was Ben Franklin right when he said that beer is proof that You love us and want us to be happy, or should I stick to tequila?
on 21 Feb 2009 at 1:53 pm54Yif

Damn God,

Don’t you just hate being God ?

Is that what this is all about ?
on 27 Feb 2009 at 6:53 pm55princess shake shit

dear god, how do you get an avatar on here?
on 27 Feb 2009 at 6:54 pm56princess shake shit

because the one that was assigned to me is lame
on 27 Feb 2009 at 6:59 pm57uppity cracka

ben, someone needs you to explain the ‘tubes’ to them again.
on 27 Feb 2009 at 7:05 pm58princess shake shit

i’m afraid of tubes
on 27 Feb 2009 at 7:05 pm59princess shake shit

and ben
on 27 Feb 2009 at 7:10 pm60Ben

Princess,

1. Sign up at gravatar.com
2. Use the same email you use here
3. Upload a picture
4. Wait 30 minutes and refresh your cache.
on 27 Feb 2009 at 7:18 pm61uppity cracka

refresh your cache!!!!

you owe me another nickel.
on 27 Feb 2009 at 7:40 pm62princess shake shit

ok thank you
on 02 Mar 2009 at 6:48 pm63Unas Riseth

Oh Lord! It was You who created PornTube? If yes, why all that freaking gay stuff flooding that shit?
on 03 Mar 2009 at 12:35 am64God

Unas Riseth - No, I did not create PornTube. That was Satan and his minions. I suggest you stop masturbating.
on 03 Mar 2009 at 12:11 pm65Unas Riseth

Ok! Thanks!
P.S.: I think You know I was born without my arms. I can’t masturbate me
on 05 Mar 2009 at 11:43 pm66luca

god,you like brazilians?
on 06 Mar 2009 at 5:00 pm67Jennifer

How come Lucifer has the cooler nicknames? I mean c’mon, Satan, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Lord of the Flies, Beelzebub, The Devil, Prince of Darkness, Lord of Lies is way cooler than anything they call you!
on 07 Mar 2009 at 4:33 pm68Willy

Recently you posted this:
= = = = = = = = = = =
QUESTION #9:

Yif: Damn God, don’t you just hate being God? Is that what this is all about?

GOD: HELL NO! I fucking love being Me! It’s super-fucking-awesome! I just hate all the dumb shit I have to put up with sometimes! Like YOU!
= = = = = = = = = =
But didn’t you create all the dumb shit in the first place? You did and it’s your fault you’re so fucking miserable. Man up, bitch. Either fix it or STFU. God! Get some balls, willya?
on 11 Mar 2009 at 7:48 pm69The L Woman

Lord,

Who is you favorite president on charge and why?
Who is or was the best president ever and why?
on 13 Mar 2009 at 6:30 am70michae

why do i have cancer and why can’t you do something about it please. I would love to spend some quality time with my wife and church
on 13 Mar 2009 at 1:12 pm71Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, St. Patrick’s day is coming. Is it all drinking green beer until I get green beer squirts? Should I kill a snake or something?

All Praise God!
on 18 Mar 2009 at 1:43 am72Anonymous

Big dude,

Are any other use for convents other than your private harem?

Hugs,

you know who.
on 26 Mar 2009 at 12:07 am73Bei Shen

Dear God,

Why there are never any Asian on Dancing with The Stars?
on 26 Mar 2009 at 12:19 am74Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Because Asians can’t dance, Bei.

God,

Are You sad?
on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:53 pm75God's kid

God,
Was it your will for us to abstain? Then why am I so horny all the time? This is so confusing. I’m sorry but I think I will fornicate with my boyfriend whether you like it or not, you can watch
on 04 Apr 2009 at 5:09 pm76Naytheist

God,
what do you think of Jehova’s Witnesses? Surely you must hate them, as they are conscientious objectors. These heretics refuse to kill and be killed in senseless wars like good godfearing Christians.

Also, they reject bloodtransfusions:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses_and_blood

They cite Your Word as justification (e.g. Leviticus 17:14:
Ye shall eat the blood of no manner of flesh), but I don’t see how a transfusion can be equated with eating. I, for one, have never had a hamburger transfusion.

Aren’t they stupid, God? Could you please smite a few for me? If you could do that on a Sunday, that would be extra-super awesome!
on 04 Apr 2009 at 11:48 pm77anne johnson

Dear God,

Have you ever lusted in Your heart for a mortal woman other than the Virgin Mary?
on 09 Apr 2009 at 6:01 pm78The L Woman

Dear Lord,

Which of your creations you consider it as the best?
And which of them do you think you tottaly failed?
on 11 Apr 2009 at 4:57 am79rod

Dear God,

Was Nietzsche right when he said you were dead? What do you think about him?

Thanks.
on 11 Apr 2009 at 6:12 am80okijohn

Dear God,

If a coworker gets into, “some bad shit,” and has to get his “bore punched,” is it still ok to taunt him, or should he get a pass for having to deal with the whole VD thing?

Would fire be appropriate, or just laughter? Times seem to be changing, so some guidance would be cool.
on 24 Apr 2009 at 2:52 pm81Wazup

God, Why did you create Hanna Montana? Better: Why did you create Miley Cyrus? Couldn’t you had created something less useless than that hore bitch who depreciates innocent child who appreciates her pretending to be nice and pure when she is obviously having anal sex with his pedophile boyfriend (who is extremely fucking hot)? Could you send her immediatly to hell as soon as she dies or something? As soon as it is possible? I hope it doesn’t take too long.

Thanks God, I love and worship you!
SHOUT OUT TO BRAZIL!

ps: at least, could you make she lose her voice??? with some kind of torture?
on 24 Apr 2009 at 5:28 pm82Wazup

Miley wrote: “Jesus loves you and wants you to know how much he cares.

(about homo wed.)

It doesn’t makes you want to piss your pents?????
on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:10 pm83uppity cracka

i don’t know how many actually WANT to piss their pants, waz. pretty much usually involuntary…like that time nun raped my anus with her massive strap on. i didn’t volunteer for it. but did i complain? no. i took it like a man.
on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:17 pm84Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Whatever. You cried like a fucking baby. You don’t even know how to be a man, Cracka.

What are “pents”?
on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:24 pm85uppity cracka

pents? they’re the tings you take off to spread your lags for for your “clients”. i’m sure you remember.
on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:39 pm86Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I have no idea what you just said, dumbass. You speak worser than the Brazilians who love them some Slutty Cyrus.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:19 pm87Wazup

it is pants though. By the way, I was referring to the bulshit she told and how that made me laugh until piss MY pants! hahaha, stupid!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:55 pm88Nun Ur Damned Bizness

We’re supposed to make you cry like the Brazilian pussy you are, Wazup. Why don’t you just start crying so I don’t have to make fun of your wiener.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:00 pm89uppity cracka

it’ll be a lot easier for all of us if you just listen to what nun’s saying.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:05 pm90Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yeah. Cry pussy-boy, cry!!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:05 pm91uppity cracka

did he cry yet?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:16 pm92Wazup

haha, Nun, you’re a fucking bitch if you’re thinking you’re that right. It is my point of view, I hate Miley and my question was to the Almighty God, and not to you, moron. If i want to ask you something, don’t worry, I’ll write something like: Nun, why are you so stupid and selfish skanky????

kisses bitch!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:28 pm93Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, Cracka. He didn’t cry, he threw a little bitch fit. In Engrish.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:29 pm94Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Swine flu: love it or hate it?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:47 pm95uppity cracka

swine flu. annoying.

patient “i think i have swine flu!!!”
me “no, you’re an idiot. go home.”

wazup,
we need you to cry just as part of standard operating procedure. it’s routine.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:58 pm96Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m a little confused about the ’selfish skanky’ part. Does that mean I’m so selfish I’m skanky? Or is it a title… like Selfish Smurf only my species is the skankies.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:58 pm97Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God’s bringing about The End Times with this swine flu of His.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:02 pm98Josh

where is everyone?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:03 pm99Josh

God,
Why is it that when white people move into a neighborhood they always say they are making is better or saving it?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:04 pm100Josh

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:09 pm101Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Because black people are like monkeys, Asians are smelly and Mexicans steal, Josh.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:12 pm102uppity cracka

because white people have all the money, dumbass. the white people move in, the property taxes go up, the “poor” people move out, more white people move in, they hire more cops, etc. why do you always need some cracka to explain the rules to you?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:14 pm103Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Poor retarded Josh.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:15 pm104Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wazup’s mouth smells like his own butthole. Wazup is very limber.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:04 pm105Wazup

selfish - you believe that you’re always right, and I have no need to humiliate myself for you by just agreeing with every single stupid thing you write.

and skanky: UAU, do I have to explain???

so, yeah, you’re not so moron as I thought, actually, the meaning of what I called you is closest to what you “understood” as a title!

“Wazup’s mouth smells like his own butthole. Wazup is very limber.”

woooooo, VERY CREATIVE HAN???? SHOW GIRL!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:11 pm106Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’re stupid, Wazup. I’m a woman which means I’m always wrong. You’re also stupid because your comments make no sense.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:20 pm107Wazup

hahaha, just cuz you’re a woman you think you’re always wrong????

My comments have no sense???

oh my holy pussy, what am I reading?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:23 pm108Wazup

by the way, why you thought i was a dude?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:24 pm109Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Are you fucking retarded? God says that women are always wrong. God hates women. And no, your comments make no sense. You write in Engrish.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:25 pm110Nun Ur Damned Bizness

If you’re a woman then it explains why God wanted us to make you cry.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:31 pm111Wazup

engrish????

riiiiiight! All of you fucking americans make no sense at all and you’re talking about my writing???

haha, very polite of you. You’re so niiiiice.. Why don’t you come for a tea?? soooooo impressive!!!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:34 pm112Wazup

just an advice: if you want to make me cry you better do it quite right cuz you’re not even close to it.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:36 pm113Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You know, you might be a little too serious and stupid for God’s Holy Blog.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:37 pm114Lilith

Wazup, Americans are neither polite nor nice. Ever. Canadians are though.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:39 pm115Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Americans are rude and full of rage!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:40 pm116Wazup

are you crying? really?

cuz being less rude is not the same of being too serious. Or, I am completely wrong about what fun stuff is about and you’re a bunch of retards. I only made a fucking question and here we are: nonstop bulshit!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:42 pm117Lilith

Non-stop bullshit is pretty much what the Comments Section is all about, Wasup. Get with the program.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:43 pm118Lilith

Sorry, spelled your name wrong: Wazup. Told you Canadians are nice and polite.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:45 pm119Wazup

you know, here in Brazil we are pretty used to be polite and warm, but sometime is quite difficult… people doesn’t make it EASY sometimes!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:46 pm120Bloodvork

WAZUP HAS FURY! Your lives that Wazup spits on are now but a caricature of a cartoon drawn by a kid who is stupid. Now is the time where Wazup’s true might shines, like many angry sunbeams of rage. Snack on Wazup’s wrath, fink-rats!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:47 pm121Wazup

yeah, tks Lilith, I appreciate that!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:48 pm122Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wazup is also too stupid to know what the cranky face is.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:55 pm123Wazup

I’m not pissed off darling!

actually I have a big heart and I forgive your envy. I really do understand, it must suck so much not being the center of atention anymore…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:59 pm124Wazup

Thank you Bloodvork. It is my anger management!
it’s helping me out a lot.
I have bipolar disorder.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:02 pm125Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wow. If you think this means that you’re the center of attention then you really are stupid.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:06 pm126Wazup

I’m really not sweety

.
neither you!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:07 pm127Wazup

* sweetie*
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:14 pm128Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Do you know how to read? Just curious. You seem incapable of understanding what’s going on here.

And just a little hint if you’re going to stick around… is the cranky face. Get used to it, you’ll see it a lot. It’s how God and His mortals show their righteous anger.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:23 pm129Wazup

oh, thanks for the hint!

do you know what this means: -: ???

use your imagination!

xoxo
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:26 pm130Wazup

pissed of = is pretty much the same doesn’t it????

haha
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:30 pm131Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t know what “pissed of” is. Probably some odd Brazilian perverted thing.

But I never said you were pissed off and it seems you think I did… hence my asking you if you’re capable of reading.

As for what this ” -: ???” means… unless it’s clever and perverted, I don’t care.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:41 pm132Wazup

PISSED:

British - drunk
American - really mad
“Oi, look at Tim! He’s pissed off his ass! Haha!”
“Man, I’m fuckin pissed!”

And yeah, I’m humble enought to say that i missed one f on “off”.

And seriously, you didnt get the point???

did you never learn this:

= (symbol of same)

so read it again:

pissed off = (same of):

got it??

OBAAAAA!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:43 pm133Wazup

ah, and yes, -: has a very much interesting meaning in the place I came from…

still using your imagination and you’ll get there.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:45 pm134Wazup

you should come to Brazil you know… very blessed place.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:48 pm135Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wow, you’re just retarded and no fun at all.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:53 pm136Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God should smite you by making your vajayjay fall out and then having a fellow monkey-fucker pick up your vajayjay and then play rugby with it with all the other monkey-fuckers. Monkey-fuckers know how to play rugby, right?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:53 pm137Wazup

and you’re just cold and must have no sex life at all.

here in Brazil we would call you MAL COMIDA!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:02 pm138Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m cold but I have plenty of sex life. We have mucho darkies up here.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:02 pm139Wazup

rugby with my vajayja???

sounds fun.

But I’m not so sure if I liked the monkey part… It doesnt sounds too clean.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:03 pm140Wazup

MUCHO????

what’s that supposed to mean?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:07 pm141Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Monkey-fuckers = Brazilians.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:14 pm142Wazup

That was absolutely rude of you! Really, I’m not kidding at all right know!
You have no idea of what kind of people we are, you should be more aware of what Brazil or Brazillian people are instead of come here and write down something outrageous like this.

What you wrote is the same of if I called you NIGGA or BUSH’S CHILD!

you idiot!

not fun and all.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:16 pm143Wazup

call we what you want BUT monkey.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:16 pm144Nun Ur Damned Bizness

LOL!! Like I suspected, no knowledge of God’s Holy Blog at all. Not only are you a monkey-fucker, you’re more retarded than Ben and Josh put together.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:18 pm145Nun Ur Damned Bizness

And I didn’t call you a monkey, dumbass. I called you a monkey-fucker.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:18 pm146Lilith

Nun, I don’t think you’re succeeding in making Wazup cry, but I do think he/she is getting close to having a stroke.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:20 pm147Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Lilith,

I know and it makes me giddy with glee. I’m hoping she strokes out when she’s fucking a monkey because that’d just be super-cool.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:21 pm148Wazup

hauahuahuauuahahuahua

you know, I’m on pills.. ANGER MANAGEMENT

I got the point, but I just don’t think you’re funny at all. But I already love you Nun, don’t you never lieve me!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:23 pm149Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think you’re far too stupid to get the point of anything except a monkey penis in your snatch.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:24 pm150Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think I’ll write a little song about our Brazilian monkey-fucking friends.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:26 pm151Lilith

Oh no . . . not . . . not a little SONG!! Have pity on the people of Brazil, Nun!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:29 pm152Wazup

I love penis.

nothing is more exciting than a boner of a VERY FUCKING BIG one, you should know that!

Write it, I can’t barely wait to read it.

I can write very good songs as well!

go first.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:30 pm153Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I take no pity on anything unless it has a black man’s giganto penis.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:32 pm154Wazup

hahaha, you never got a brazilian one dont you?

really, think about a black brazilian man.

yeahp….
hurts!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:32 pm155Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wazup,

You are not worthy of my glorious song-writing abilities. Not only are you too retarded to understand but you’d try to sing it and just fuck it all up, probably killing all the birds in your general vicinity with the screeching that emits from your monkey-fucking throat.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:33 pm156Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ll have you know that I fucked Dr. Herbman’s penis, little-miss smarty-pants! He was Brazilian and had a huge penis but I found out later that he stole it off a black man.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:37 pm157Wazup

congrats girl, I’m starting to love you even more!

And of course I ‘ll try to sing it, and it would be super-cool if i kill some birds doing it. Does it work with pigeons???

FIRCE!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:40 pm158Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

When will Britian and the surrounding isles run out of talented people?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:41 pm159Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wazup said: “congrats girl, I’m starting to love you even more!”

Great. Another fucking lesbian.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:41 pm160Wazup

love Susan Boyle.. so what?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:43 pm161Wazup

I love you but I hate you, and I wouldnt fuck you even if you were the last person in the world and the future of the humanity depended on it!

just forget!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:44 pm162Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thank Him. I’d probably catch some exotic monkey STD.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:45 pm163Wazup

* was depending on it*

or whatever.. I’m fucking tired to write! bye.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:46 pm164Lilith

Nun, my dear, don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it! Yum yum!!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:47 pm165Wazup

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

this is too funny to be true, I dont wanto to go but I have to go…

see ya tomorrow
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:50 pm166Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Silly, Lilith. My motto has always been… try something once and if you don’t like it, try it once more just to make sure. In other words, don’t assume I haven’t tried that which I’m knocking.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:57 pm167Lilith

I’ll just drop this for now, Nun, because your presence is urgently needed over at the main page. A new commenter named “Beef Diaper” has shown up. I thought you should know.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 12:09 pm168Wazup

why do we need Nun’s approval??
on 28 Apr 2009 at 1:53 pm169Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Nobody said they need my approval, Wazup. Geez you’re dumb.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:01 pm170Wazup

i knew it, you love me too! BFF! ahuahua
on 28 Apr 2009 at 5:50 pm171Wazup

Lord of all the universe, dear God: Will Suri Cruise be a hore and a junkie addicted when she get older???
on 05 May 2009 at 2:16 am172God's kid

Dear God,
It’s my finals week. Do I still need to study when I can just pray to you all day? Doesn’t faith = A’s ? Oh God please make the answers appear in my dream. I’m desperate.
Love yah Daddy
on 05 May 2009 at 5:01 pm173Naytheist

Dear God,

I’m confused. Is Your Son buried in Kashmir, India or in Aomori, Japan?
http://www.mendhak.com/72-where-on-earth-is-jesus.aspx

And is it true that it was his brother up there on the cross?

I was also wondering about his feet, His footprints like he had fallen arches. Which would make sense, after walking such distances.
on 11 May 2009 at 12:23 pm174anne johnson

Dear God,

Do you take vacations? If so, where do you go?
on 11 May 2009 at 2:30 pm175Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yeah, God. You’re obviously on vacation and didn’t bother to tell Your faithful followers.
on 14 May 2009 at 1:15 am176bea

so god
ive been reading the comments on your blog
it seems you have 5 shut ins who read your everyword and use the comment page for social masturbation.
why do you allow them to live?
and is masturbation really a sin?
on 14 May 2009 at 9:37 am177Naytheist

Dear God,

given your omniscience, you are no doubt aware that the blasphemer Brad Greenberg is slandering your blog:

http://www.laobserved.com/archive/2008/05/stuff_god_hates.php

Will he go to Hell now? What kind of smite do you have in mind for him?
on 14 May 2009 at 3:45 pm178uppity cracka

damn you, bea!!!!

we’re just people with day jobs and down time.
why is that so hard to understand?
on 14 May 2009 at 4:08 pm179Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Bea’s mean and made me cry. I don’t engage in circle jerks. I masturbate with myself and maybe that special someone.

I also wish I was a shut-in so I didn’t have to deal with people.
on 17 May 2009 at 12:58 pm180josh

GOD
IM transgender ftm why just didnt you give me a Dick and balls when I was born so I wont have to go through with a sex change operation .
yours sicerly josh san
ps your a JERK
on 18 May 2009 at 12:25 pm181Unas Riseth

Ronaldo!
on 28 Jun 2009 at 5:58 pm182anne johnson

bea doesn’t masturbate because she believes sex should be connected to love.

Dear God,

I can understand why You smote Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. But why Billy Mays, God? WHY?
on 10 Jul 2009 at 10:10 pm183MiddleChild

If we are all God’s children, why is Jesus so special?
on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:07 pm184Naytheist

Not really a question, more of a thank-you note:

“An unexpected characteristic has emerged among many swine flu victims who become severely ill: They are fat.”

http://bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601202&sid=aM.7Dg3Z_msI

Killing two birds with one stone, nice one God!
on 18 Jul 2009 at 8:36 am185KoreanAtheist

Are you a moron?
Yes, you are. Very much so.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 9:35 am186matamu

whadda a shit blog
the creator of this blog must be a fuckin dumbashole
jancukkkkkk
dasar sesat
bangsat
sundalat
puki mai
nas kleng
brengsek
on 06 Aug 2009 at 9:44 am187Smoggy Batzrubble

Does matamu mean ignorant cunt-face?
on 12 Aug 2009 at 8:15 pm188Loki see loki do

Dear God,

Do you hate amputees? I mean, seriously, none of them are ever restored. Every other thing get at leaast a chance of getting better. What’s up with that?
on 16 Aug 2009 at 9:21 am189Naytheist

Second try:
Dear God,

I’m confused. Is Your Son buried in Kashmir, India or in Aomori, Japan?
http://www.mendhak.com/72-where-on-earth-is-jesus.aspx

And is it true that it was his brother up there on the cross?

I was also wondering about his feet, His footprints like he had fallen arches. Which would make sense, after walking such distances.
on 16 Aug 2009 at 9:22 am190Naytheist

Second try:

Dear God,

given your omniscience, you are no doubt aware that the blasphemer Brad Greenberg is slandering your blog:

http://www.laobserved.com/archive/2008/05/stuff_god_hates.php

Will he go to Hell now? What kind of smite do you have in mind for him?
on 16 Aug 2009 at 9:23 am191Naytheist

Second try:

Not really a question, more of a thank-you note:

“An unexpected characteristic has emerged among many swine flu victims who become severely ill: They are fat.”

http://bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601202&sid=aM.7Dg3Z_msI

Killing two birds with one stone, nice one God!
on 21 Aug 2009 at 4:25 am192Christian

God… This does suck, doesn’t it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UT7GuE7NxA
on 09 Sep 2009 at 8:42 pm193KrateKraig

Dear God,
Do you and Don King have the same hair stylist?
RAmen.
on 13 Sep 2009 at 12:57 am194matamu

Dear fuckin admin of stuffgodhates.com,
Why did you delete my comment? Are you afraid of me?
on 18 Sep 2009 at 6:12 pm195Mikhail

Please heal me from schizophrenia oh dear God?
on 19 Sep 2009 at 12:04 am196CrazyFan

Um, God, I know this question might sound ridiculous, but when are you gonna smite Ryuho from sCRYed for being a super douche to Mimori?!
on 12 Oct 2009 at 11:15 am197L

Do you like Saggy breasts?
on 18 Oct 2009 at 12:57 am198Non-Worshipper

Why are you so crazy, Has power made you this way?

Your not God, why are you so evil and racist and sexist and etc? Why would you curse or do wrong, and kill people because you don’t like them? I thought you loved EVERYONE!! Your nothing but a fraud
and if you “were” god, then your just another person who over uses his power, just another dictator who wants us to worship him! You phony! Your lucky I “believed” in you
{Nah, I’m pretty much a spiritual, peace, hippy-like, atheist}
You suck, your a power loving, greedy monster..
Your son was probably the only thing almost right, if only he didn’t follow you and done better with this terrible world!
Maybe if you shown yourself more, then Atheist would see that your real, but they still wouldn’t believe because the stuff you did doesn’t make logical sense, Your just like any other god!
Yea I said it, there’s other gods, and your just one of them
{BUT YOUR NOT THE REAL GOD SO GET OVER YOURSELF!!}
on 18 Oct 2009 at 12:59 am199LogicalB*tch

God doesn’t hate anything?
Does this mean you lied to us? -.-
You bastard, how dare you make such a site!!
on 27 Oct 2009 at 9:10 pm200Anonymous
on 21 Nov 2009 at 1:42 am201Anonymous

Dear God,

Why do you hate the Cleveland Browns so?
on 21 Nov 2009 at 1:46 am202Anonymous

Dear God,

If Jesus saved our souls and was a living God, and James Brown was the Godfather of soul, are you James Brown?

You sex machine you
on 27 Nov 2009 at 2:05 am203wazup

Almighty, what do You think about TWILIGHT an NEW MOON? Are vampires allowed to go to heaven or even exist? Are You Vampire Team or Werewolves Team? And if You hate both, so why in hell you’ve created them? Serious doubts…

Love ya bro!
on 27 Nov 2009 at 2:05 am204wazup

Speaking about “Doubt”, I have another question: Was FATHER FLYNN (from movie DOUBT) a pedophile, or Sister Alouysius was just a selfish envy bitch?

Keep doing the amazing job, I’m more miserable than ever! Hugs!
on 11 Dec 2009 at 5:51 am205Miss~Match'd

Heeey Big Man Upstairs
Got a bit of a question that’s been bothering me ever since I first saw “Boondock Saints”– would You really sanctify/bless/whatever that sort of action in Your name?? Like normal people killing all the ‘bad guys’ for You? Wouldn’t it be more fun to just smite the scum Yourself? Or is it more entertaining just sitting back to watch the ants fight and chuckling to Your great omniscient Self?

That was like four questions, but they’re all related.
on 15 Dec 2009 at 7:15 pm206eu

why does god don’t answer everyone??
on 16 Dec 2009 at 2:33 am207nobody

Why God you did that to me? why? i love her!
on 07 Mar 2010 at 11:29 pm208Anonymous

Sir,

Did you make the Earth square or just plane?

What could hapen to me if I believe the Earth is spherical?
Did you write those FAQ in this post?

See you soon (actually I hope not…)

Horus
on 10 Mar 2010 at 10:32 pm209hmph

dear god:
if you are so all-powerful, why did you allow people to worship other gods? huh?
i agree with The Gods Are Bored.
on 11 May 2010 at 4:13 pm210Jesus H Christ Almighty

I have a question for you, Dad:

Why the hell did you have to have me shredded and filleted? What the hell kind of masochist are you, man?
on 16 Aug 2010 at 3:37 am211ShunRenHu

Hello God,

I want to ask you two questions, 1.Could I ask do you have other email address that I can send you an Urgent Prayer and Urgent email messages, 2.why do you have only one contact method that is prayer, the prayer is like sending email to You or making a phone call to You but I trying pray direct to You harder then you didn’t answers to my prayer, but Could I ask do you have other contact method like writing Email letter ? because I want to send an Express Mail\URGENT Mail/Prayers to You ?

Respectifully,
Shun-Ren Hu
on 18 Aug 2010 at 12:24 pm212ShunRenHu

Dear God,

would you please setup a website and a blog for Christian Unitarians, especially Biblical Unitarians not Unitarian Universalists ?

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