Stuff God Hates

About

Mar 29th, 2008 by God

Having spent eons in silence and inaction, watching mankind wage wars and commit all manner of unspeakable act in My Holy Name, I, the Lord your God, Master of Heaven and Earth, Ruler of all Creation, have grown very angry with a great many things.

And so, no longer shall, I, the Lord your God, shove My Righteous Rage deep down inside the Heavenly Belly, where it causes Me great discomfort. I shall do something about it - by venting My Furious Anger here on this blog, where I will call to attention all that I, the Lord your God, firmly despise.

Prepare to have your feeble mind blown.

63 Responses to “About”

on 07 Apr 2008 at 5:18 am1Ben Hammond

Again, this is amusing. A question God: why would you do think on a blog? Out of all the places… a great majority of the world will not be able to read it. Are you simply more interested with showing your anger to the people in the developed world than the people in the majority world?
on 07 Apr 2008 at 4:40 pm2God

Ben Hammond, I chose to speak to the world via blog for a couple of reasons.

First, I do not wish to use My Voice, as this would destroy the planet. Even if I just whispered, every human head on Earth would explode simultaneously. And I can’t appear on TV, because if any human ever gazed upon My Visage, even through their cable box, again, they would instantaneously incinerate.

I didn’t want to do another book. Too soon. So that left Me with the Internet. And rather than start My own website, I chose to use wordpress, as it is free.

As to audience size, I don’t care how many mortals read this.
I just need to vent!
on 08 Apr 2008 at 1:13 am3cbgrace

Wow, you’re sure to be a hit. People love to read about hate.
on 08 Apr 2008 at 7:07 pm4bewilderedhousewife

I don’t get it.
on 11 Apr 2008 at 4:08 am5jillster

this rocks as Britney says gimme more! what does God think of Britney by the way?
on 11 Apr 2008 at 4:27 am6i am the son

Hi God;

Did you forget that movie where George Burns played you? He smoked cigars.

What about you?
on 11 Apr 2008 at 5:08 am7kelleyjelley

I can give you a Gas X if it’ll ease the discomfort inside Your Heavenly Belly.
on 11 Apr 2008 at 8:47 am8Steve

Hey God:

Once and for all, what is your stance on Pork?

Thanks
on 11 Apr 2008 at 2:30 pm9cybernigga

Dear God I thought you were black. If your’e not did you ever get picked on in Deity Academy by those “big black Gods” that always sat in the back of class.
on 12 Apr 2008 at 12:41 am10Stuff White Parents Like

Hey God, it’s me Margaret,

What are your thoughts on same-sex marriage? Presidential candidates? Stem cell research? Judy Blume?
on 14 Apr 2008 at 10:47 pm11Inmate1972

Hey God, let’s you and I have a little chat about design flaws…..
on 16 Apr 2008 at 11:00 am12rima

Hi God,
I almost thought you didn’t exist, shows how much i know.
Your blog is now one of my favorite, please forgive me Lord if it is not first on my blogroll, the damn thing is set to show links alphabetically.
on 17 Apr 2008 at 1:06 am13Tyler Durden

You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you.

This is not the worst thing that can happen.
on 18 Apr 2008 at 6:42 pm14jesusblogger

Whoever created this blog has some serious identity issues, thinking you are God is seriously crazy. Especially when God already listed all the stuff He loves and hates ages ago… its called the Bible.
on 21 Apr 2008 at 3:51 pm15Bridgette

This blog is extremely blasphemous. Deuteronomy 6:16 “Do not test the Lord your God.”
on 21 Apr 2008 at 4:23 pm16Bloodvork

Bridgette is a fat girl’s name.
on 21 Apr 2008 at 8:11 pm17The Unpleasant Jew

i love the length of your “about.” your blogs should be this long.
on 22 Apr 2008 at 11:44 am18kibblesbits

Trying too hard.
on 22 Apr 2008 at 3:09 pm1910wordsorless

Great about page!

good luck with the blog God.

Cheers,

Kristina
on 23 Apr 2008 at 9:47 pm20Roscoe

Comic impersonation of god is funny when done well, eg Life of Brian. You don’t pull it off. You’re shit “god”.
on 25 Apr 2008 at 10:10 pm21Remy

Roscoe,

God says don’t laugh at him… or he will smite you.

Look at me…

kaboom.
on 30 Apr 2008 at 4:46 am22Ricky

I never knew God was so immature. Well, i guess you learn something new everyday.
on 04 May 2008 at 3:48 am23peak9

Hey God, I really love anal sex. If you hate it so much, why did you have to make it feel so amazing?
on 15 May 2008 at 6:18 am24FranklyWrankles

Dear God

We are an emissary from Onelongminute.com who has been dispatched to find out if there is other intelligent life in the blogosphere. Jesus Christ in a matchbox… you have know idea who long it took me to find out that there is. Do you know how many dumbo’s, la-hooo-sa-hers and generally brain dead people there are out there? I waded through over a gazillion blogs about colonic irrigation and weight loss; the fine art of DIY and mango pips, oh noetry more bad poetry, and useless opinion in order to find yours. I think if I read one more emo wrist gnawing diatribe I might just have slit mine.

Anyway. Here I am. There is intelligent life out there after all.

The years in the cyber wilderness have been worth it!

My message is that the fine folk at http://www.onelongminute.com would be bowled over if you would do them the pleasure of signing up, logging in and doing a guest column.

Bow. Bow. Scrape. Scrape. Grovel. Grovel.

The (rather exhausted) emissary from onelongminute.com,

Ms. Frankly Wrankles.

PS: Forgive the blasphemy regarding your most precious son whom you sent to save the world at great sacrifice but you have no idea what I’ve been through to find you.
on 17 May 2008 at 4:41 pm25Paul

You’re a fucking loony……there is no god. There was no jesus and the bible is better used as toilet roll.
on 17 May 2008 at 7:38 pm26more of a dog person

Things God ought to hate:

1.blogs.
on 18 May 2008 at 7:15 am27DB

In regards to Paul @ 25…The Bible is best used as paper airplane material while staying at old hotels with windows easily opened. The pages do not wipe up the ass as well as one would think.
on 18 May 2008 at 10:30 am28Paul

responding to DB in #27……….

I think you’d have a problem with the paper plane structural integrity because, at least here in Europe, the hotel room bibles are those cheap rubbish placed by the gideons, and the paper is so thin you’d need several sheets to get enough thickness to make a rigid enough plane. However, I agree that it wouldn’t make good bum tape except in an emergency QUite often I’ve soaked the pages with water from the sink and fused the odious waste of paper into a brick..
on 19 May 2008 at 1:49 pm29Hedwig

Can you clarify once and for all what you mean when you say “God hates fags”? Your post on anal the other day says you don’t have a problem with teh gays, so is it maybe that you don’t like cigarettes, which are called “fags” in England? Or is it that you don’t like young boys who do odd-jobs for seniors, in English private schools (these are also known as fags).
on 19 May 2008 at 11:17 pm30Luke G.

hey, bridgette. did you find the original scrolls of the bible, piece them together and translate them? no?! then how do you know what it says? you’re trusting a bunch of old, white racist guys to tell you what it says. the irony is that if you grew up in saudi arabia, you would be a devout muslim, but you grew up in america so you are christian. people like you lack the courage to think freely. irony! love it! that line: “do not test the lord thy god”? actually, it’s “do not test thy lord’s blog” yeah. blog. in all your religious zeal you’re really just testing thy lord’s blog and didn’t even know it. crazy. they didn’t know what a blog was back when they originally translated so they just kind of picked what seemed to fit. the original aramaic for god and blog are strikingly similar. who knew?
on 20 May 2008 at 1:26 pm31annie

Luke G: hee.
God: how do you feel about freegans? Don’t hold back, now! A holy stomach ulcer is far more serious than a little human one.
on 27 May 2008 at 9:58 pm32peak9

Are you going to answer the question? Why did you make it feel so good?
on 28 May 2008 at 7:09 pm33Jesus

Ricky, in post # 22, said “I never knew God was so immature.”

Hello? Read your Bible. He’s an immature child from front to back, always angry, hitting, destroying. Feh.

And Bloodvork, I checked, yeah Bridgette’s a chubber.
on 30 May 2008 at 6:08 pm34Tom Wilson

How do you feel about steroid cheats?
on 12 Jun 2008 at 4:47 pm35Jeremy

Dear God,

I’m not terribly fond of a certain Spanish tennis player, called Raphael Nadal. Any chance you could smite him for me? I’m sure he blasphemes sometimes.

Much appreciated.
on 15 Jun 2008 at 7:09 pm36Aardvark's Tongue

So about those endangered and extinct species. Did you just hate them too?
on 18 Jun 2008 at 11:45 pm37vboh

This isn’t even funny.
on 20 Jun 2008 at 4:58 pm38Bloodvork

You should have put a joke in your post to make it funny. Why post a comment and remark as to how unfunny it is without putting a little effort into making it funny?
on 20 Jun 2008 at 8:20 pm39The Unpleasant Jew

you know what’s funny?

YOUR FACE!
on 20 Jun 2008 at 8:22 pm40Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Don’t be hatin’, Jew.
on 06 Jul 2008 at 11:15 pm41Antoine Clarke

It’s funny how many American atheists are so po-faced and self-righteous. (you can’t joke, smoke, drink, laugh at anything bad…) Not only will they deep-fry in Hell, they’re actually miserable on Earth too. They’re like a caricature of Opus Dei without the hope and the faith. How sad that must be.

There IS a God! Hallelujah!
on 07 Jul 2008 at 1:48 am42Bloodvork

(you can’t joke, smoke, drink, laugh at anything bad…)

That’s atheists…?

What?

We who apparently hold nothing sacred? Let’s see you joke about abortion, zealot.
on 11 Jul 2008 at 12:16 am43Antoine Clarke

How many abortionists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Does that count?
on 24 Aug 2008 at 6:56 pm44dyeisi

Dear God,

Why use Wordpress? I mean, you ARE God, so why not get your own domain without a host? (No techy here, your Almighty-ness, all I mean is [name].com)

Anyway, I had spaghetti tonight. Spaghetti is yummy. Please fill the world with it.

Amen.
on 25 Aug 2008 at 2:11 pm45christian

I would like to say that i love your blog stuffgodhates.wordpress.com a lot
now.. back to the post haha
I cant say that fully agree with what you typed up… care to clear things up for me?
on 09 Sep 2008 at 9:40 pm46Heinlein's Doxy

You rock.
on 12 Oct 2008 at 11:37 am47DJ

Dear God,

In the second paragraph on your About page, the comma after “shall” in the first sentence should not be there. Instead of hating me for pointing it out, I think you should hate everyone else who didn’t have the balls to bring it to your attention.
on 29 Nov 2008 at 11:09 pm48Jurobei

Dear God,

What are your views on incest? I mean, since there weren’t two original families, somebody had to screw their sister at SOME point. I tried looking to the Bible, but they didn’t have any passages like ‘And Cain screwethed his younger sister of unknown name, and they begat Joseph, and it was good, and everyone dug it.’ Or, did Adam have a secret mistress who the Bible does not talk about? This has been on my mind for quite some time now.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:42 pm49Leigh Sanford

hi
ds0beemne1ccuzdz
good luck
on 10 Jan 2009 at 9:45 am50William Roman

hi
ds0beemne1ccuzdz
good luck
on 10 Jan 2009 at 10:22 pm51Naomi Vang

hi
ds0beemne1ccuzdz
good luck
on 24 Apr 2009 at 5:25 am52Brian

God is subtle … God is in people you like and hate … you must engage others in fellowship and prayer, and God will be with you. Now take off your blindfolds, and open your eyes!
on 24 Apr 2009 at 1:41 pm53Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God probably hates being in stupid people.
on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:02 pm54uppity cracka

brian,
i took off my blindfold and behold! i saw your blindfold…
on 04 Jun 2009 at 8:35 am55Anonymous

god -

please can you make Croydon in surrey, near london, UK, burn in a fiery conflagration - people blaspheme a lot round here, a BIG lot.

burn ‘em.

cheers,
tom
on 06 Aug 2009 at 9:27 am56matamu

again, another blog ga mutu
blog ga guna
blo jancuk dibuat oleh orang jancuk
blog asu
taaaeeeeeekkkk
blog tai
sumpah ini bener2 blog tai sepanjang masa
yang buat pasti orang bangsat
terkutuk kamu ngaku2 tuhan
manusia bajingan
kafir
sesat
jancuk
taik
brengsek
sialan
ancuk
kamu pasti lahir dari anus bapakmu ya
taik
manusia anjing
kutu busuk blukutuk
taik
manusia sesat sialan anjing bangsat kampret jancuk nas kleng puki mi sundalat tempik kuda!!!!
on 06 Aug 2009 at 9:45 am57Smoggy Batzrubble

Does matamu mean “I’m trying to talk with a penis in my mouth”?
on 05 Sep 2009 at 6:47 pm58matamu

@Smoggy Batzrubble: matamu means “go fuck yourself you dipshit”

This blog is silly, I think the admin of this blog is a person whose brain made of stinky shit.

I warn you, the creator of this blog, not to play God’s name.
Play another toys, your karma is really worse.
If you ignore this “God’s left hand” warning, I’ll come to you and punish you.

الله أكبر
on 22 Oct 2009 at 9:03 pm59His_wife45

Palm Profile, and introduces some basic gestures. ,
on 14 Jan 2010 at 1:26 am60brak

Are you sure you arent actually Thundercleese?
on 25 Mar 2010 at 3:45 am61JAE

This sucks. Playing god, yeah, ok, you’re cool.
on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:01 am62Caesar

Dear God,

Whats your opinion on Miley Cyrus? Love your blog by the way!
on 30 Aug 2010 at 11:53 am63samanta

H2E1sd http://djb3jDdmjckow30cnjcmd61l0dy.com