Stuff God Hates

Dec 6th, 2010 by God

I once had a thing with an Indian pagan goddess named Lakshmi. She had four arms and knew every position. Man, I loved her.

The LORD Falls in Love

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

Only two centuries after I had made the foreskin covenant with Abraham to form the nation of Israel, I was tempted by Satan’s sacrilegious sex candy.

For reasons I can’t remember, I’d decided to travel to the Orient to see what else the world had to offer outside of Israel.

When I got to India I was invited to a party at the palace by the local deities. I attended out of curiosity and also to scout their defenses.

There were hundreds of goddesses there that night, many of them who were quite ugly and looked like elephants. But then there was the gracious and lovely Lakshmi.

She had four arms and looked like she could do nasty things. Plus, she was the goddess of beauty and sex. I was smitten.

I did some research and found out that she was the wife of Lord Vishnu, who happened to be the chief god of the pagan Indian religion. But the look on her face told me she badly needed a good rogering.

I became obsessed with taking Lakshmi for my own and made several advances, which she sternly rebuked.

But I did not give up. And then one night after only seven shots of Tequila, she acquiesced. We did it on Vishnu’s marital bed while he was away on business.

The LORD Gets Dumped

For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. Deuteronomy 4:24

When Lakshmi woke up the next day she began to express misgivings about what we had done. I convinced her that it was for the best, and managed to get some more sex.

Things were hot and heavy for a little while. Lakshmi taught me sexual positions that I didn’t think were possible. The things she could do in bed with four arms were simply amazing.

Three weeks later though, she suddenly stopped responding to my carrier pigeons.

I grew suspicious and decided to go to her palace to investigate. When I got there I caught her red-handed in the act of cheating on me by having sex with her husband.

I got so angry I blacked out. I later woke up outside Lakshmi’s palace walls and was confused. Lakshmi showed up and gently explained that while our time together was fun, that’s all it was.

I objected and made a strong case for why she should love God, and only God. She sort of laughed at me, told me once again that it was over, and then walked out of my life forever.

The LORD Brings a Reckoning

Your nakedness will be exposed and your shame uncovered. I will take vengeance; I will spare no one. Isaiah 47:3

I stewed in my anger and became filled with righteous vengeance. Nobody rejects the LORD!

I went to Lakshi and Vishnu and demanded justice for their sins. They hedged for a moment, so I loosed the fateful lightning from my terrible swift sword and disintegrated them both.

POOF! Vengeance was mine!

And contrary to what you might have heard, getting revenge on your enemies is actually quite satisfying. In fact, exacting cruel revenge on a rival has always filled me with a deep sense of accomplishment.

Posted in Enemies

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70 Responses to “#93 Goddess Lakshmi”

on 06 Dec 2010 at 9:35 am1Naytheist

Lakshmi has returned to this world. She has just the two arms now, and she has to degrade herself for money:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl7uVD4Vq3I
on 06 Dec 2010 at 1:15 pm2Central Ceticismo

Hi,

I added your website at the Skeptic Central. It’s a place where we can find many of the best websites about atheism, blasphemia, agnosticism and science.

If you like it, join us adding our “banner” to your blog.

thanx,
Central Ceticismo
on 06 Dec 2010 at 2:08 pm3Naytheist

Hey Ceticismo,

not only are you a self-confessed heathen, you expect God to link to a website devoted to “atheism, blasphemia, agnosticism and science”!? What else do you do for kicks, swim with sharks? Drive around Baghdad in a bullseye tshirt?

I predict that your dick will fall off in the next few hours, and that’s just an appetizer. Prepare for the smiting of the century!
on 06 Dec 2010 at 2:29 pm4assfly

Padma Lakshmi is hot. I want to commit the sin of Onan while licking the big scar on her arm.

And sniffing her knickers.
on 06 Dec 2010 at 2:38 pm5assfly

Really, I would use her panties to make soup.
on 06 Dec 2010 at 3:33 pm6Naytheist

What’s that thing Lakshmi is holding in her lower left hand? Is that a bomb? Did she join Al-Qaeda or something?
on 06 Dec 2010 at 6:25 pm7Jim

Looks like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to me…
on 06 Dec 2010 at 11:12 pm8Naytheist

Oh yeah..

“Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.”

Classic stuff.
on 07 Dec 2010 at 2:55 am9fopplssiegeparty

“…needed a good rogering.”

That sentence proves that it really is God writing this blog.

I thought I was going to choke on my wine.
on 07 Dec 2010 at 2:56 am10fopplssiegeparty

I like the idea of four arms, too!
on 07 Dec 2010 at 7:43 pm11Naytheist

God,

are you going to smite Julian Assange?

Did you break his condom when he was doing the swedish groupie?
on 07 Dec 2010 at 11:39 pm12anne johnson

If you hadn’t been so fucking jealous, you could have had a great affair with her. Go get some therapy.
on 08 Dec 2010 at 12:01 am13Naytheist

He’s already getting therapy. He’s taking anger management classes, that’s the whole point of this blog! Please pay attention.

Talking about anger, this is sure to make Him throw another tantrum. His Chosen People wrote an anti-gospel:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toledot_Yeshu

“The book uses the name Yeshu (interpreted as an acronym for the curse ‘may his name and memory be wiped out’ )”

“The work deliberately attacks and parodies the Christian Gospels and refers to Jesus as the illegitimate son of a Roman soldier”

He’s always been there for them 100%, and this is how they repay him.
on 08 Dec 2010 at 2:18 am14fopplssiegeparty

Looks very fun, Nay. I’m going to check it out.
on 08 Dec 2010 at 3:31 pm15Yo Yo Ma Ma

Will Oprah make Toledot Yeshu her Book of The Month?
on 08 Dec 2010 at 3:32 pm16Yo Yo Ma Ma

Do you suppose Julian Assange is hoping the prison-supplied condoms don’t break? He’ll be wiki-leaking if they do!
on 08 Dec 2010 at 3:36 pm17Naytheist

Condoms are pointless when Sarah Palin is taking you from behind with a rubber strapon.
on 08 Dec 2010 at 3:37 pm18Naytheist

Drill baby, drill!
on 09 Dec 2010 at 4:21 pm19fopplssiegeparty

Sarah with a strap-on. That conjures up a very scary image.

I’d bet that she ‘does’ that to her hunting victims.
on 09 Dec 2010 at 4:23 pm20Ben

Sarah Palin is the Anti-Einstein.
on 09 Dec 2010 at 11:56 pm21Naytheist

Things are even more disturbing than that, Foppl. She forces her daughters to wear strap-ons and attack fish with them. And that’s just the training for the big day when they roger their first icebear to death.
on 09 Dec 2010 at 11:57 pm22Naytheist

Icebears are cute!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MH0MTAdkisM
on 10 Dec 2010 at 12:12 pm23Naytheist

Keep Klutzo the Christian Clown away from your children!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/revolting/christian-clown-perv-bust

`House of Joy’ indeed.
on 11 Dec 2010 at 6:44 pm24Naytheist

I guess Benedict XVI still clings to his Hitlerjugend roots:

http://www.timeslive.co.za/world/article810827.ece/Cables–Anti-semitism-in-the-Vatican

“Vatican official said some lawsuits against the Holy See “were the result of ‘Jewish judges having too much influence’” in the United States, the report said.”

..whereas a christian judge would just go `meh’ and kick the case out of court.
on 12 Dec 2010 at 5:56 am25Hume Cronyn

Fuck you Ben.
on 13 Dec 2010 at 1:50 pm26Naytheist

Yeah Ben, and shut up as well.
on 13 Dec 2010 at 3:27 pm27fopplssiegeparty

It’s Monday, where’s the new post?
on 13 Dec 2010 at 3:29 pm28fopplssiegeparty

Nay,

If anyone could roger a icebear to death, it would be a member of the Palin clan. Even the ones without members.
on 13 Dec 2010 at 6:27 pm29Yo Yo Ma Ma

It’s Monday the 13th, a much worse day than Friday the 13th.

53° F this morning! (That’s 3 stone 2 for you Celsiusgrade users.) Too warm, all the frost has melted, roads are quagmires.

Rush and Beck dream about being rogered by Sarah Palin. Or by Ann Coulter - ’she’ wouldn’t need a strapon!
on 13 Dec 2010 at 8:49 pm30fopplssiegeparty

Orly Taitz wouldn’t need one either!
on 13 Dec 2010 at 9:06 pm31fopplssiegeparty

I thought that all this talk of strapons and rogering would tear Nun away from her bong (or possibly vaporizer).
on 13 Dec 2010 at 9:48 pm32Naytheist

I bet she’s on another cock sucking spree.

And maybe He is on the receiving end, which would explain why there’s no update.
on 13 Dec 2010 at 9:50 pm33Naytheist

You’re right Yo. Whenever Ann Coulter swaps `her’ cocktail dress for `her’ hunting outfit, all the icebears run for cover.
on 13 Dec 2010 at 11:31 pm34uppity cracka

stop trying to comment, ben. for fuck’s sake! just shut up.
on 14 Dec 2010 at 2:17 pm35God

I apologize for not posting on Monday.

I am so busy with My work that your mortal mind could not possibly comprehend.

If you are thirsty for My word, re-read any of My posts for the third time or read the Bible for the first time.
on 14 Dec 2010 at 2:46 pm36fopplssiegeparty

I sure hope that work involves smiting Alioto, Scalia, Roberts & Thomas.
on 14 Dec 2010 at 3:10 pm37Naytheist

Cracka, you’re right, ben should shut up.
on 14 Dec 2010 at 6:26 pm38Ben

I seem to notice a running gag for a little while has been to get me to shutup. Why?
on 14 Dec 2010 at 6:27 pm39Ben

I mean, I guess I could…but what motivation do I have to do so?
on 14 Dec 2010 at 11:01 pm40Naytheist

so you noticed huh?
on 14 Dec 2010 at 11:03 pm41Naytheist

Has anyone noticed at all that He just apologized? It’s very out of character, either the therapy is working or He’s on medication.
on 15 Dec 2010 at 12:16 am42fopplssiegeparty

He got too close to Nun’s vaporizer! That will mellow out even the angriest immortal.

By the way God, it’s a good thing Lakshmi was Indian and not Japanese, or you would have been dumped ON.
on 15 Dec 2010 at 7:37 pm43Yo Yo Ma Ma

Cracka! How’s things in the frozen Midwest? Had any good quickenings lately?

Fopple, Japanese are into scatting? Damn - I should have laid atlantic cable all over that hot Japanese girl’s bed back in college.
on 15 Dec 2010 at 7:39 pm44Yo Yo Ma Ma

God’s getting ready for the Holidays.
on 15 Dec 2010 at 7:46 pm45Yo Yo Ma Ma

At least, I think she was from Japan - everyone called her a JAP.
on 15 Dec 2010 at 11:45 pm46Naytheist

Yo likes scat. Maybe he should shack up with Nun?
on 16 Dec 2010 at 5:31 pm47Yo Yo Ma Ma

Naytheist, on my current high-fiber diet I can lay cable to any length. Dunno if Nun likes scatting, though. Does she give a shit?
on 16 Dec 2010 at 5:34 pm48fopplssiegeparty

I don’t recall Nun mentioning scat, only large black penises.
on 16 Dec 2010 at 5:41 pm49Yo Yo Ma Ma

As long as she doesn’t touch it, I can extrude something that’s long and dark.
on 17 Dec 2010 at 11:27 am50Naytheist

Thanks for spoiling my appetite..

I mentioned Nun because she’s a obviously a pervert. Anyone can tell she’s into scat, watersports and dwarf tossing.
on 20 Dec 2010 at 8:02 pm51Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun counts it as a good night if she can combine all three into one date.

The local (that is, 52 miles away) mall has a Santa sitting in the center court. One of the elves is young and hot, and she wears a very short skirt. Can I get her for Xmas?
on 20 Dec 2010 at 9:05 pm52Naytheist

Yes we can!
on 20 Dec 2010 at 9:05 pm53Naytheist

I thought this was kinda funny:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YBDrxEjEO8c/S8kzTehebpI/AAAAAAAAC9I/PtjbpBkxmeo/s1600/jc-fail.jpg
on 23 Dec 2010 at 5:32 pm54Nun Ur Damned Bizness

MOTHER FUCKERS!!

I may be a perverted pervert but that doesn’t mean I want somebody to piss or shit on me!! Dwarf tossing is loads of fun though.
on 23 Dec 2010 at 7:37 pm55Naytheist

Uhm, no, that is exactly what it means.
on 23 Dec 2010 at 11:38 pm56Naytheist

This should make Nun squirt in her habit: real life X-files!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/4487779/Our-X-files-are-out

The thing in the picture must be the result of YoYo’s high-fibre diet.
on 24 Dec 2010 at 12:12 am57Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Obviously you don’t get out much, Nay. Pity for you. Perversion comes in all shapes and sizes and flavors. Some of it is nasty gross, like watersports and scat and some of it is deliciously wonderful, like the stuff I like.

Speaking of New Zealand, I miss Smoggy.
on 24 Dec 2010 at 1:38 pm58Naytheist

He’s probably been abducted by aliens and is being probed as we speak. Serves him right for molesting all those sheep.
on 24 Dec 2010 at 1:46 pm59Naytheist

Apparently Nixon shared His prejudices. Maybe someone should start a StuffNixonHates blog?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/11/us/politics/11nixon.html?_r=2&scp=2&sq=kissinger&st=cse

“the Irish can’t drink. What you always have to remember with the Irish is they get mean. Virtually every Irish I’ve known gets mean when he drinks. Particularly the real Irish.”

“The Jews are just a very aggressive and abrasive and obnoxious personality.”
on 25 Dec 2010 at 10:40 am60Naytheist

Thank You God for this Your Awesome and Most Excellent Christmas Smite!

http://www.deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws.english/news/101225_diepenbeek

Happy Christmas everyone
on 25 Dec 2010 at 11:20 am61Naytheist

Landover Baptist Pastor Preaches to Atheists

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-jk3VvjGoE&feature=player_embedded#!

Pure genius!
on 26 Dec 2010 at 9:49 pm62Jim

I get all of my religion from Stuff God Hates, Landover Baptist, and Betty Bowers.
on 27 Dec 2010 at 11:53 pm63fopplssiegeparty

Jim, you shall be rewarded.
on 28 Dec 2010 at 1:08 pm64Naytheist

Amen. Jim, I was not aware of Betty Bowers, so `be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins’.
on 28 Dec 2010 at 5:07 pm65Yo Yo Ma Ma

So God, doing anything special for New Year’s Eve? Glad that Christmas is over? How are the kids?
on 30 Dec 2010 at 10:54 pm66fopplssiegeparty

Betty Bowers is totally hot.

God must be on a bender that only he can comprehend.
on 31 Dec 2010 at 10:16 am67Naytheist

He’s come to earth ias His Son to party lwith us mortals:

http://images1.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/3298068/I-want-The-fruit-of-your-loins.jpg?imageSize=Large&generatorName=Sexy-Jesus
on 31 Dec 2010 at 6:35 pm68Naytheist

My last post of this year: Jesus’ opinion on Shomer Shabbos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsEa_M7MqYE&feature=related
on 01 Jan 2011 at 2:53 am69fopplssiegeparty

Happy New Year to all (except the ‘baggers)!
on 01 Jan 2011 at 4:51 pm70Naytheist

Happy New Year! My first links of this year explain the Cruci Fiction.

Short version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr104Y2EuHE&feature=related

Long version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAp3Esp6gs0&feature=related