“If two men are fighting and the wife of one tries to rescue her husband by grabbing the testicles of the other man, her hand must be cut off. Show her no pity.” (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)
BACK IN ANCIENT ISRAEL ball-grabbing was a big problem. Every time two guys got into even a mild verbal dispute it would inevitably wind up with one of their wives viciously attacking the other guy’s balls.
The wife should never help in any fight. Even if her husband is locked in a knockdown, drag-out, piss-pants brawl to the death with another man, she should do nothing to help. She should just stand there quietly and pray that her husband doesn’t get killed and she doesn’t get raped. If her husband is a good man and prays to me daily, I just might let him win.
But under no means should the wife ever grab and squeeze the other man’s testicles. That is blasphemous insanity! Why doesn’t she fornicate with a dead ox while she’s at it? Because that makes about as much sense.
If a woman does something like that to you then you must cut her hand off immediately. Even though she begs for mercy and whines about her husband and moans for a trial, you must ball-gag her forthwith and chop her hand off with the nearest sword.
You must make sure not to be polite or apologetic about it either. You must be spiteful and call her mean names (such as slut or whore) as you chop.
This is the word of the Lord.
The Genitals Commandment
Thou shalt not mutilate the genitals.
A Few Exceptions
There are a few exceptions to the genitals commandment.
It’s fine to mutilate your own penis, or the penis of your new baby boy, as long as you are doing it to prove your lifelong love and loyalty to me. Circumcisions are rarely botched and the penis usually looks pretty good as long as it’s done by a professional.
It’s also fine to mutilate a man’s genitals if he doesn’t believe in me, or if he believes in a rival god.
And I don’t care at all what happens to female genitals.
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I’m totally with you on this one, God. Tame the shrew, respect the cock!
But testicle-grabbing should not be required as a pretext for ball-gagging women. It should be the norm, once they hit reproductive age and become emotionally unstable 24/7.
I keep a few women in my basement, and their gags only come of for meals and oral. A very satisfactory arrangement for all involved, they hardly ever complain - they can’t.
wait…so what’s the difference between this post and the last one?
The last post was about the owners of mutilated genitals, and how they are to be shunned and sent to hell for being horrid freaks.
This post was about women that crush testicles, and how they are to be mutilated and sent to hell for sinning against Man and God.
Jeez! How hard can it be to understand the message here? Stop mutilating dicks already!
suck it, bitches
Is it ok to have a mutated member?
could you post a picture?
Nun would get off on that, especially if it’s black
I’m fopplssiegeparty, not “Man-u-el the gardener,” so no picture.
Fobble Siege Party,
No, mutations are abominations.
Dear Lord, What is Thy position on bifurcated penii? If both halves of the member can still become erect and can be squeezed together and pushed into a vagina is that still kosher?
Also, dost Thou have a position on the use of Scrotox?
How about cockrings?
Hey God,
why did you bless this bug with the world’s biggest tetes (instead of me)?
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/11/101110-biggest-testicles-size-bushcrickets-biology-vahed-science-animals/
and why can the male bushcricket transfer his sperm to the female in a “neat packet”‘, while us guys have to spray our jizz all over the place?
it’s not fair.
Shut up Ben.
Wut? What did I do? I didn’t even comment.
Nobody who tries to mess with mr. johnson is gonna walk away intact. This, in a nutshell, is why I left the Judeo/Christian religion. Pagan women are allowed to yank the entire package off anyone who is trying to put the hurt on their men.
In fact, our deities demand it. 
Actually, Tree Gods don’t care that much about junk. They only get pissed by important stuff … like mountaintop removal and global warming. They leave the cock-and-balls crap to Jehovah.
note to self: never date a pagan woman
forgot to log in, that was me.
and yes, shut up Ben.
Damn, Naytheist, whose tax dollars funded THAT study?
And God, you know I love you, right? For once, I post a link to an article of interest to all your creations, #39 in your screed #89, and no sooner did I hit send, than you posted #90, relegating my note to the dustbin of history. I’m starting to think maybe you just don’t like me. And Ben.
Jim,
You mean this story?
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/west-virginia/woman-utters-line-never-previously-recorded-police-report
Yeah, good link. That bitch is going to hell.
I’m not going to tell Satan how to do his job, but an acquisition like that can be an immense asset to his company.
I don’t know if God himself did the illustration (it’s good, by the way), but that chick definitely looks Jewish.
do you mean Jewish in the Old Testament kinda way or in the National-Socialist propaganda Jewish caricature sort of way?
The Old Testament way. She looks very much like my wife (who is Jewish), complete with the idignant dressing down that I get on a pretty much daily basis.
I am very sorry to hear that
NOT!
What about this woman (same site)?
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/illinois/meet-illinois-woman-arrested-assaulting-cop-vibrator
Technically, this is not genital mutilation, but somehow it’s just very, very wrong.
Hey! I can’t see any of God’s or anyone elses posts on the new entry!
Help!
Floppy,
I suggest performing an exorcism on your hard drive because your computer is possessed.
3 steps:
1. Turn it off and turn it on again
2. Say a prayer
3. Clear your browser cache and refresh
Flopper,
sounds like you have a case of lazy electrons. It’s easy to fix.
Just lift your PC (carefully!) about 1 ft from your desk and let it drop. Repeat until it works again.
The Case of Carlos Castro’s Castration
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10698708
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