Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
LOVE ME! I love you. I sacrificed My only son to be brutally raped and crucified just to save you all from eternal damnation. If I hadn’t done that, I would have had to send you all to burn in hell. Only now do you realize just how much I love you.
And yet there are so many of you I do not love. So many of you are faithless cowards. There are so many of you I must destroy.
This work keeps Me quite busy. I have been heavily engaged lately in the ongoing destruction of the satanic city of New Orleans. I FUCKING HATE NEW ORLEANS!
It wasn’t always this way. I used to look upon the city from up on High with fondness. And then in the February of 1996 I went there with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And I saw what a blasphemous sham the city had become!
First of all, I learned you could now just buy beads from anyone to see coed tits. In My Day you made those with love and care at home.
Secondly, both Jesus and The Holy Spirit hooked up and somehow I, The Lord of the Universe, didn’t. The Holy Spirit snagged this one slutty 15-year-old coed, and even Jesus got a hand-job from a tranny. And God Almighty ended up drinking bourbon by himself down on Canal Street.
WELL THAT’S FUCKING BULLSHIT!
I decided then and there to obliterate New Orleans forever! I decided to wipe it off the face of My Earth!
I HATE MARDI GRAS! I HATE JAZZ! I HATE CAJUN FOOD! AND I ESPECIALLY HATE THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE THERE! Not because they’re so very black though. Just…because.
New Orleans is a city full of flagrant, in-your-face sinners! I cannot allow such a haven of sin to exist!
I should have succeeded in destroying the city for good when I sent Hurricane Katrina. But Satan intervened to provide aid and weapons to the people there.
I attempted to destroy their football team the Saints. I hate that team. They are a blasphemous bunch of basterd assholes. Not once have they taken the time to honor one actual Saint. Nor have they ever let a real Saint play on their team. Mother Teresa would have been a great place-kicker.
BUT I DIGRESS! Satan stepped in once again to help the damn Saints win the frigging stupid Superbowl.
This is why last week I had the Angelic Special Forces detonate a bomb inside an oil rig in the Gulf Ocean. So that the city of New Orleans would become covered in oil and so that it’s water supply would be poisoned for a thousand generations! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TAKE THAT YOU STUCK-UP BITCHES!
CARIDAD on 
Naytheist on 
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Fuck em.
But you LOVE Vegas, right? Please tell me so because I need you there.
Satan will fix the oil well too. If you can’t control your staff, what kind of C.E.O. are you anyway? Whine, whine, whine.
Loser.
God hates New Orleans. Wow. Never would have figured that one out on my mortal own.
But I’m not sure it was Satan that made Payton fuck up that pass in the Superbowl. I think that was Your very own Boy, Jesus. You may hate New Orleans but it probably holds a special place in Your Boy’s heart being as how He hooks up with trannys there.
And please don’t kill Sandra Bullock even though she wants to raise her new lil darkie in New Orleans. I like her, God.
Damn, Dad. Calm down! Have some dirty rice for [your] sake!
I am expecting some kind of remark from Cracka comparing the blowout and oil slicks to Nun’s vayjay.
As long as “Bobby” Jindal is in your sights, God. That’s all I ask.
Naytheist likes co-ed tits.
I wonder what Mother Teresa’s tits looked like.
God, does she whip ‘em out for beads, up there in Your Kingdom?
“in Soviet times such leaks were plugged with controlled nuclear blasts underground”
http://trueslant.com/juliaioffe/2010/05/04/nuke-that-slick/
“Boulder man hopes to stop Gulf of Mexico oil spill with meditation
http://www.coloradodaily.com/ci_15016800#ixzz0n5DyX6Bh
I live outside of New Orleans and the only seafood I can get is Oysters with a side of Quaker State. So, thanks for nothing, you Almighty Fuck. I used to be in your corner but I don’t think I will be able to return. Perhaps if you smite Sandra Bullock as a sign of good faith I will reconsider.
Please don’t smite Sandra Bullock, O Studly God.
You’re going to regret posting that, Obie. I just happen to adore little Sandy and I will see to it that Dad leaves her fine ass alone. You, on the other hand, might want to use caution when you speak that way in the future. Think throwing billions of barrels of salad dressing in that stink pit you call the Gulf was bad? Just watch what *I* can do.
Please Jesus, is that supposed to scare me? You’re nothing but talk. You’ve been saying you were coming back for the past 2,000 years and the only proof of that happening is the word of some Tranny down in the Quarter hopped up on Methadone. At least you Father, as petty and fickle as he is, is a man of action. Get back in your place boy - You can come back out when you show a little fucking initiative.
The Rapture: Beam me up, theology.
Can you do something about that fat fuck from Man Vs. Food. What is HIS contribution to the genre?
Iron Chef is kinda cool. I like it.
The Pope’s at it again:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hZrlfKlxPQMSB3J9Up5Ua0G0uxsgD9FM2I9G2
“Pope Benedict XVI has called abortion and same-sex marriage two of the most “insidious and dangerous” threats facing the world today”
“The bullet that almost killed John Paul forms part of the crown of Fatima’s statue of the Virgin. ”
Really, Obie? The risks you take. Besides, I thought I was looking kind of femme fatale wearing the wig and heels in the Quarter that night. And it wasn’t meth it was coke. Give some credit - I have class. What — you thought that was an earthly soul? I walk among your sick asses much more than Dad does; and I’m always telling him what to do: have them build New Orleans below sea level, Dad; send a massive friggin’ hurricane toward them, Dad, and watch the city fill up like a bowl when the levees break (did someone say Zeppelin?) - should be good for a few laughs, Dad; blow up the oil rig in the Gulf, Dad — show ‘em your Wessonality. Should be good for more laughs, DAD. Don’t underestimate the power of the Son.
Dear Jesus,
am I to understand you are posing in that photo? Which one of the draqueens is you?
Finally, the truth about the church:
http://www.nudenunswithbigguns.com/
shut up ben
Yeah, shut up ben
I don’t like Jesus’ new avatar. I likes the one where he’s flipping the bird. Or is that a different Jesus?
Nun likes the Saints:
http://www.sportsrubbish.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/siena-nun-holding-sign-middle-finger-flipping-off-bird1.jpg
It’s a different Jesus and not nearly as likable as the one who thinks he’s black.
That picture is me in the future, Nay. God and myself work in mysterious ways. I do love the Saints but prefer my boys in blue and funky green. I don’t suppose they’ll do much this year though considering their new coach seems to think he’s still in college ball and can sign every player he sees.
And to think I had a secret crush on that old hag. At least her mouth is in the proper position.
Nun, I’m really confused now. How many Jesuses are there? Do we all have our own personal Jesus?
Liked the wigger Jesus, hate Depeche Mode - though I must admit `Violator’ is a cool album title.
It would be a cool name for a God too. God, can I call you `Great Lord Violator’ in the future?
Failing that, maybe it’s something for the Vatican? `Pope Violator IV’ sounds kind of catchy.
Obie, such a mouth shape can only be the end-result of a century-long cocksucking spree.
Why don’t popes put `Darth’ in front of their name? The church would appeal to a much wider demographic.
`Darth Benediktor’, that would be SO awesome.
That’s the Nun we know and love, Naytheist.
Obe, you `know’ Nun? In the biblical sense?
No Naytheist, the one time I had my chance, I was just about to take that whore back up to my room when the entire Secondary from the Seahawks walked into the bar. From what happened next, I assume Nun thought it was a tryout for the American Cocksucking Championships.
So.. you still had an opening then? I mean in the sense of both opportunity and orifice.
Maybe you were suffering from performance anxiety? The idea of spit-roasting a nun in front of the Seahawks could be intimidating, I imagine.
Wow. I’m impressed by the wittiness from two of my favorite tards. I really enjoy Darth Popes. That’s wicked cool and very clever. Good show, Nay. You can’t possibly be ben with a clever wit such as that.
I remember that day that Obie is talking about with me and my beloved Seahawks. That was a gooooooood day. But Nay may have a point about you feeling intimidated, Obie. You were more than welcome to step into line whenever you wanted.
There’s a ton of Jesuses, Nay. Go to Mexico and you’ll see what I mean.
Of course I was intimidated - The strong safety had a 13 inch cock that was as thick as a tuna can.
Dear God,
Why do You carry out all Your smites the hard way with pissy exploding oil rigs and half-arsed hurricanes? Why don’t you just do one, massive, liquid, stinky Divine Shit on top of the lot of them? One of your California-sized turds would be enough to clear out New Orleans for a millennia or so. Just think of all those cajun sinners suffocating to death on a stinky stew of sacrificial cows and angel semen. (You really should change your diet, Big Guy).
You’re fucking disgusting, Smoggy.
O hai god. Assfly Schlafly here. Thank you for smiting all the sinners and homosexuals and liberals and darkies of New Orleans.
Perhaps now they will see the light and can has educate they childrens with my home scholling coarse and Conservapedia.
Teh Conservapedia article on New Oreleans is not very big yet but we has some good non-sequiturs including a quote about negro music. Yessir mastah! LOL
Thanks Nun, coming from you that’s quite a compliment.
For all you Mac users out there:
http://blog.internetnews.com/apatrizio/microsoft-adjpg.jpeg
Shut up.
You know me well, Smogalicious.
God,
Please don’t kill Gary Coleman.
You’re welcome nun. I’m so pleased I’m one of your favorite tards. But I don’t want to go to Mexico, I’ll take your owrd for it.
Smoggy, be careful what you wish for. The last Divine Dump took out the dinosaurs.
Assfly,
I agree that conservapedia’s enty on New Orleans needs some work. But what’s wrong with the section on music? It’s simply a Marsalis quote.
Yoyo,
have you ever read The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs? He sounds a bit like God:
http://www.fakesteve.net/2010/05/if-someone-mentions-android-make-sure-you-go-totally-nuts.html
I will never ever ever buy anything from Apple. They’re nr 2 on my shitlist, behind Sony.
It’s refreshing to see the hatred is still flowing.
i still hate all that stuff, too.
nun=whore.
shut up, ben.
fairies are stupid.
all right, then. good.
oh yeah…….josh is a fag (sorry, curtis).
I have never bought any Apple products. We had on of those smug Apple (l)users here at work, I told her to go work for an art boutique if she wanted to be with others like her.
HaterAide is my drink of the day.
Also, I slam my hand in the door when I get to to work, it sets up the rest of the day.
I had a Happy Meal for lunch. It didn’t help.
When I’m down I throw midgets around. It helps a lot. Sometime I dressed them up as clowns and it REALLY helps.
Sometimes when I’m down, I assrape some oompa-loompas.
God, when will you appear on the Roast?
Or maybe you could send your son?
God, can you tell me what kind of critter is on top of Rand Paul’s head? Thx.
It’s an oompa-loompa.
Which was raped to death.
In the ass.
By me.
I wish an oompa-loompa would rape Shannon Price to death.
I’d pay to see that, but it just won’t happen. Oompa Loompas have taste.
http://www.nbcwashington.com/around-town/real-estate/Is_The_White_House_for_Sale_-96258284.html
God, is it OK to rape a lesbian?
I’m just asking.
God, I don’t think the residents of Monroe, OH got the message. Jesus might have to do his thing with the lighting bolt again…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100615/ap_on_re_us/us_lightning_strikes_jesus_statue
Yoyo, only if it’s a lesbian oompa-loompa. A dwarf might be ok too, if it did something to really deserve it.
Filipina, I think Jesus was pissed off because the statue showed him from the torso up, suggesting that he doesn’t have a dick.
Funny, if you can stand it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlqBJsXsIYM&feature=related
interesting piece on religious terrorism:
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/11/16/books/everybody-hates-somebody-somewhere.html
I find it easier to just hate everybody, everywhere, all the time. It’s a pain trying to remember who, where and when.
Jim, that sounds like one of my drill sergeants in Basic Training. Some brave (or foolish) soul accused him of being prejudiced. He replied, “I’m not prejudiced, I hate all of you, equally.” Then we got to run three miles in the hot sun.
Special times, special times.
That’s the tactic I use Jim. Unless we share the same last name or your Nun, you’re on the shit list until informed otherwise. Makes dealing with people much simpler.
who needs a medication ?
=]
Dr. Lerbman, I live in New Jersey, and I will be developing a medical condition requiring treatment with cannabis any day now.
PS - I would medicate those sores on your mouth if I were you.
Hey Dr Herbman, maybe you need to smoke a few spliffs now that the dutch kicked a seleção out of the World Championship?
Took long enough, God.
And now they kicked Uruguay’s ass. No south americans in the finals, be-ach!!
New Zealand never lost a game at the world cup. How many nations can say that?
Very impressive!
And how many nations can boast about this:
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10658533
This one’s for Nun, Shatner does Palin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgiqSNNuhQg&feature=related
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090708/ARTICLES/907081008
Those behind a sign posted in front of their northwest Gainesville church, proclaiming in red letters “Islam is of the devil,” say it’s a way to express their religious beliefs and is a message of “a great act of love.”
God loves everyone and He is always looking forward for the welfare of the people.I find it easier to just hate everybody, but not God.
New Orleans is a strong city of proud people. New Orleans may be different from the boring backwards towns throughout America, but New Orleans is nothing but history, romance, and culture. It is the most diversified city in America and should remind the rest of the country what the founding fathers had in mind for this country. The people of New Orleans have shown that they are more than a bunch of ignorant, low class mass of idiots, as most people would imply. New Orleans is full of people with spirit, with love, and with passion! New Orleans is like no other city in America, and that is because it is the last city to have a heart! New Orleans will live forever and it will always be the most interesting, spirited, and important city in America!
Haha..Culture in NOLA?
The only culture they can claim is that stinking $hithole they call the Quarter!
I have never been to a city so proud of the nothing they have. Oh, most people from New Orleans never travel, so they have no clue how much better most other cities in the world are.
I am based here, and can’t wait to get out. The place revolves around getting drunk and going to the same yearly piss up events.