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Proof That I Exist: Planet Earth

Sep 5th, 2009 by God

The perfect size of the Earth, its perfect distance from the sun, and the very fact that it exists at all, PROVE CONCLUSIVELY THAT I EXIST!

Tags: Earth, Evidence, God

Posted in Atheists are jerks

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39 Responses to “Proof That I Exist: Planet Earth”

on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:00 pm1Jesus Christ

DAMN RIGHT!
on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:02 pm2lahru

Prove it!
on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:24 pm3anne johnson

Bullshit.
on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:34 pm4Naytheist

Jesus, why did you change your avatar?
I liked the other one better.
on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:38 pm5Naytheist

This must be God’s laziest entry ever. Really, you used to put more effort into your creations.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 12:06 am6anne johnson

Hey, God. Get up off your fat butt and start Armageddon. I mean it. You are such a slacker.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 1:06 am7Tommy

Then why is it so fucking hot and humid in Virginia? Huh?

Perfect, my ass!
on 06 Sep 2009 at 1:39 am8uppity cracka

that’s true. earth does exist.

nice fucking planet, Sir.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 1:40 am9uppity cracka

in this picture there’s a cloud over my house.

stupid clouds.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 4:34 am10Hume Cronyn

I like this planet, and I say,
well done, Sir.
Well done indeed.
And the fact that you let anne
continue to exist, even though
her mons pubis is a black hole
of death
is proof of Your mercy.
Also, proof of Your humour.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 8:27 am11Naytheist

How can a mount look like a hole? Sir Cronyn, I fear your knowledge of female anatomy is severely wanting.

Maybe this will help:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090315154638AA7FudG
on 06 Sep 2009 at 8:59 am12Naytheist

Since this entry is so boring, I’ll try to spice things up with a nice Bible quote full of Christian love:

“I chased my enemies and destroyed them;
I did not stop until they were conquered.
I consumed them;
I struck them down so they did not get up;
they fell beneath my feet.
You have armed me with strength for the battle;
you have subdued my enemies under my feet.
You placed my foot on their necks.
I have destroyed all who hated me.
They looked for help, but no one came to their rescue.
They even cried to the LORD, but he refused to answer.
I ground them as fine as the dust of the earth;
I trampled them in the gutter like dirt.”
(2 Samuel 22:38-43 NLTse)

God, when I will I get to trample my enemies into the gutter? I already have the boots for the occasion (steel-toed Docs).
on 06 Sep 2009 at 2:02 pm13TheEvilOverlord

Perhaps the proof of existence 3 entries ago is keeping God from getting enough sleep and so preventing more expansive entries. Two words - Baby Valium
on 06 Sep 2009 at 3:40 pm14Hume Cronyn

Mr. N. Theist -
I was racking up trim
when you were still whelping
at your mother’s teat.
If you’ve spied anne’s vortex
of a vagina, as I have — yes, it burned
my already glaucoma-ridden retinas, actually
helping me see better — then
you’d know there’s a gravitational
pull that starts at the mons pubis
and pulls in planets and pensises
alike, swiftly destroying them
in an inky black void.
Regards,
H. Cronyn
on 06 Sep 2009 at 3:43 pm15Obie

Sorry, but I don’t but that as proof….If you existed, these is no way you would have allowed me to land a job in Mississippi and move to this You-forsaken state….
on 06 Sep 2009 at 3:48 pm16Notice

Notice, also, that THE US of frickin’ A is at the center of the UNIVERSE.

Yeah, I know. This is a picture of the earth. BUT THE UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND IT!

Hah! Yeah. Damn right.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 5:40 pm17Naytheist

Dear Sir Cronyn,

this is even more confusing. How can a black hole burn your retina? Light cannot escape it, hence the name.

Or does the rubbing together of the penises generate ultraviolet rays as they circle the mons before disappearing into the furrow?
on 06 Sep 2009 at 6:44 pm18Tony S.

Naytheist quoting scripture … that’s a fine way to show that God exists.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 8:08 pm19Naytheist

Tony, “you ain’t seen nothing yet”.

It seems God’s anger management therapy is finally having effect, so I will probably quote more in future. But only the good stuff: the ultraviolent bits, perverse sex stuff and maybe some insane ranting.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 9:19 pm20Jim

I am shocked that there were gutters in biblical times. You’d think, if they were so advanced, that their storm drain system would’ve averted the Great Flood.
on 06 Sep 2009 at 9:25 pm21anne johnson

#20: There weren’t gutters in that time. Some hot shot translator tried to make God’s violence relevant.

Hume, many a fine penis has disappeared into my hole, but they have all emerged again with big grins and a nice mist of perspiration. The fact that you wound up in a black hole whilst begging me for services is your own damn fault. Clumsy ass, be more careful!
on 06 Sep 2009 at 10:15 pm22God

SILENCE NAYTHEIST!

HEATHEN SCUM! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK SUCH BLASPHEMIES? And I MARVEL at your quoting of scripture.

I told you all I would be posting different kinds of posts. ‘Proof That I Exist’ is a short feature where I post different pictures of things that definitely prove that I exist. I refuse to just sit here and not use this Holy Venue to fight the bloodsucking atheist mind-plague spreading through My World.

Naytheist….I SMITE YOU!

Prepare to lose your keys, get punched in the face, and get raped by a large dog all in the same day.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:07 am23Naytheist

But.. I didn’t speak any blasphemies. I just quoted from Your Holyiest of Books.
And your smite is just an average day at work for me. Where’s the creativity? Really, your heart doesn’t seem to be in it these days.

Also, you promised daily updates, but you post like twice a week.
Flaky Deity.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:11 am24Naytheist

#20: In those days, gutters were just the part of the street that was slightly muddier than the rest. It was also the place where both man and beast would relieve themselves.

That’s where us good Him-fearing Christians are supposed to trample our enemies. Nowadays gutters are drainage systems, so we’ll have to make do. But with a few more smites of the economy we might all return to those cherised biblical times.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:32 pm25Hume Cronyn

For clarification — although having been smote, ye
shall be cursed and cursed mightily — Mr. Theist:
It’s like this. The aforementioned mons pubis
emits bursts of radiation which do not escape
and cannot be contained, not unlike
Vinnie Johnson in his heyday.
That radiation had a glorious, transforming
effect on my eyes, which, having seen nearly
a century of wild poon and wild times,
became encrusted with whiskey sediment
and vulva spittle.
I have seen the Light, so to speak, and He is good.
And anne - that’s good advice, but I was simply following doctor’s orders.
And it worked. Along with the laudanum sprinkled
in my metamucil.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:23 pm26lahru

Yeah, yeah yeah. Bring it on! You can no longer prove your existence as I can prove I’m a Jeddi typing this.

I smite you back, prepare for the wrath.

I’m thinking I’ll provide you with a…

You’ll find out.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:35 pm27anne johnson

Oh, so this is a “proof that I exist” series? You could show pictures of some of the big-ass houses your best preachers live in. Start with the pope.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:52 pm28Naytheist

I could post a picture of my erect member.

The perfect size of my vein-laden beefpipe, its perfect shape and pleasant fragrance, its perfect distance from the sun and the moon, and the very fact that it exists at all, PROVE CONCLUSIVELY THAT HE EXISTS!
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:54 pm29Naytheist

I forgot to mention the garland of well-groomed curls garbed around it. It is truly a sight to behold.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:55 pm30Naytheist

Dear Sir Cronyn,

perhaps you need professional help.
on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:22 pm31Hume Cronyn

Perhaps.
Or, just vodka/tonics, Mr. Theist.
on 09 Sep 2009 at 7:30 pm32KrateKraig

Actually, the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the planet Earth, after He created a mountain, trees and a midget.
But, He told me if you start being nice to people, He’ll give you the credit.
RAmen.
on 15 Oct 2009 at 1:10 pm33Anti Blasphemy

God, I have been going through you blog and your concerns regarding the blatant problem which we mortals are causing. I bow to you and ask you to pardon me of all my sins, if not all at least so much so that I don’t deserve a smit as serious as a penile cancer!

I have a question before I leaving…what do you think of the country India? Have you foresaken this piece of land too?
on 26 Oct 2009 at 2:57 am34godfree

That is an absurd non-seqiutor
on 24 Jan 2010 at 5:39 pm35lcd

Ah, the land of the free!
You have the right to free speech as long as you speak English.
–
on 27 Apr 2010 at 12:16 am36Horus

But, God! You said the Earth has four corners, so it might be a square, don’t?

Are the
http://theflatearthsociety.org/cms/
and the
http://home.netcom.com/~rogermw2/square_earth.html

sinners???
on 13 Jun 2010 at 5:31 am37ioannis

Only through kowledge we can find answers, some of the comments above belongs to people with minus IQ .

When the Sun’s energy ends the Planet earth will stop to exist
so you, and you and me.
on 01 Jul 2010 at 5:03 pm38Bloodvork

Now this guy has more than minus IQ.
on 23 Jul 2010 at 3:19 pm39Anonymous

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