Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I, The Almighty Lord, am totally stoked about My New Movie Legion that comes out January 22.
In the movie (which I wrote and helped direct), I give up on mankind once again, only this time instead of a flood I send all My Angels to wipe out the human race. A pitiful band of atheists try to fight back, but they are swiftly and brutally slain by My Heavenly Host.
It will be the blockbuster smash of next January. Reserve your tickets now and tell all your friends.
ALL PRAISE TO ME IN THE HIGHEST!
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I read the Wikipedia plot summary http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Legion_(film)&oldid=307948578:
“After God loses faith in humanity, the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) is the only one standing between mankind and the apocalypse. He leads a group of strangers who must protect a woman who is pregnant with Christ in his second coming.”
So Michael’s plan to stop your planned massacre is by protecting a woman who’s pregnant with you, who I assume is targeted for killing by your other angels?
That’s right! That piece-of-shit Michael is getting annihilated!
No way am I letting Jesus become born again.
Wow, looks like there’ll be Oscars all around!
God, which Oscars will Your movie win?
Well, can you blame him for not wanting to let himself be born into the world again? Look what happened last time. Some asshat sold him out for what was it? Like 10 pieces of silver? Then he got beaten, hung up on a cross and stabbed in the gut with a spear, just so humanity could lose faith in him again and promote atheism, faggotry, and hate-mongering.
Fuck that shit.
Psycho,
ALL OF THEM!
Now I’m confused. I thought John Travolta was Michael. And didn’t Keanu Reeves kick Gabriel’s ass? How do I know which of these stories to believe?
Yeah. Yeah. You told me so.
Meh - Kevin Smith did it better - AND he had George Carlin, Chris Rock, and Alan Rickman in his movie.
Your glorious new movie stinks, I can smell it from here.
… Wouldn’t that raise a huge stink in the land?
And isn’t that what you’ve done—
‘whored’ your way with god after god?
Jeremiah 3:1
HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU IMPUDENT WHELP!
I shall sick a pack of wolverines upon you and have them claw your eyes out and feast on your bones.
You are no warrior.
AND JESUS CHRIST HATES YOU!
YEAH! *&%*#%!
NOOOO!!!!! God, you forsook me long ago, but… Jesus… I…
I will fight so firggin hard, like I am right now, for you. Just gimme the chance.
God,
The trailer looks amazing, especially the 5 minute version. However, the movie is being released in January which means it will suck Your heavenly balls.
God, You’re movie looks like an even cheesier version of ‘the prophecy’. maybe You could use Your God magic to put christopher walken in this one?
shut up, ben.
Your movie, not You’re movie!!!
Him Dammit!!!!
Yeah, I’m sure this will be really great, God but I’m still waiting for X-Files 3 because that X-Files was really intelligent entertainment.
100k loss in July… thanks for that, God. We all really appreciate that we’ll probably be out of jobs in a month but everybody here will be really happy because they’ll finally be able to call me a whore and have it be true.
I’m sorry for your financial stress, Nun, but I’m also willing to take advantage of it. If you do have to go whoring for real, call me. I’d pay to enjoy your charms!!
At least Dennis Quaid is still working.
Also, I liked the olde lady/devil spawn thing
that crawled up the wall.
Reminded me of anne.
HAHA! Thanks Hume, that’s exactly who I was thinking of when I wrote that scene.
I’m oddly aroused again.
Thanks, God! At 41, I am still capable of staying out till 6 am and having sex in the backseat of a car and the booth of a bar.
The bar was closed. For those of you who were picturing Nun having sex in a bar with a bunch of drunks watching. Fucking perverts.
My child, you are very welcome, and fear not. There’s plenty more dick where that came from.
You bring a tear to my mortal eye with Your Divine Love, God.
whore.
Your ugly-ass angels can’t touch me, nor would I ever become one in this or any other life. If You sent an Apocalypse, only Your followers and/or the devil-worshipers would get smitten by it. Kindly tree-huggers will be spared because WE ARE BOOKED WITH ANOTHER CARRIER, LOSER!
I am so tired of saying this.
Nun. Is. Not. A. Whore.
Yeah, Cracka!!
I am not a whore!! Yet.
You’re an inverted whore, Nun.
Real whores like Lilith get paid to be fucked.
By contrast, you pay people to fuck you.
As for me… I just give out handfuls of sheep treats:)