Stuff God Hates

Aug 19th, 2009 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
For the seventh time in the last 3 years, Brett Favre has unretired yet again and is back in the NFL, this time with the Minnesota Vikings. Whoop-de-doo and tra-lee-la!

Personally, I could give a shit. Brett Favre wants to play football till he’s 65? Fine by Me.

I was all prepared to move on with existence, and then this heathen cocksucker took it too far:

Thank God Brett’s Back!

Why must you mortals infuriate Me so? Why must you people always speak for Me? It’s annoying, and super fucking obnoxious.

By thanking Me, this clown suggests that I had anything to do with it in the first place. I DIDN’T!

It’s all about Favre’s free will.* Brett Favre is an indecisive little bitch, because that’s what he chooses to be.

But I also have free will. After I kill that stupid sports writer, I’m going to smite the shit out of Brett Favre!

YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED RETIRED OLD MAN!

I’m going to make your last season the most humiliating and horrific of your long career.

You could have retired as a Green Bay Packer and died with dignity in 8 years, but NO! You had to ruin it. You had to be a dumb, inbred hillbilly.

Brett Favre - I once gave you talent, and the adoration of millions. And now I take it all away. You are going to be the first player to die from mediocrity. After getting sacked more than 10 times in your first game against the Packers, you will throw a game-losing interception. You will then suffer an aneurysm and die on the field while being booed by everyone in attendance.

*Note to Self: not all humans should be allowed to have free will.

Tags: Brett Favre, God, Vikings

Posted in News, Unbelievable Bullshit

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29 Responses to “Brett Favre is an indecisive little bitch”

on 19 Aug 2009 at 2:07 pm1American Psycho

Thanks Lord, as a Bear’s fan watching his smite will be sweet.
on 19 Aug 2009 at 3:01 pm2anne johnson

The reporter said:

“I just thanked the lord and did the happy dance.”

If he’s thanking You, he isn’t a heathen. He would have thanked Thor if he was a heathen. And I’m glad he’s not a heathen, because what kind of pussy sportswriter does a happy dance over a washed-up quarterback? You can have him.
on 19 Aug 2009 at 4:41 pm3Bei Shen

I think Megyn Kelly is hot.
on 19 Aug 2009 at 5:01 pm4ExpatFromHell

Don’t worry. Brett Favre will return in the next life as a dog.
His master will be Michael Vick.

Great post. I will be back again.

EFH
on 19 Aug 2009 at 5:35 pm5Tony Snow

C’mon people, he’s doing it
“for the love of the game”

Or is he? His own website
http://www.officialbrettfavre.com/
still thinks he’s retired.
on 19 Aug 2009 at 5:49 pm6uppity cracka

i’m looking forward to another season of bitter disappointment as a viking fan. it will help me further solidify my “true fan” status. thank you, Lord, for showing me Your Divine Truth through suffering!! You are truly a Great God!!!!

skol vikings!!!!!
on 19 Aug 2009 at 5:55 pm7Ben

lolz….you’re funny God.

carka - damned by God as he is, Favre is still a step up from Tarvaris Jackhole and Sage Rosenfag.
on 19 Aug 2009 at 6:16 pm8Hume Cronyn

shut up ben
on 19 Aug 2009 at 6:17 pm9Hume Cronyn

favre deserves minnesota, and
vice versa
on 19 Aug 2009 at 7:26 pm10uppity cracka

fuck you, hume.

fuck you, you fucking fuck.
on 19 Aug 2009 at 7:36 pm11Hume Cronyn

you should know better, dude -
the vikings?
c’mon - quit being dumb
you probably also like the cubs
on 19 Aug 2009 at 7:37 pm12Hume Cronyn

at least you’re not an eagles fan
on 19 Aug 2009 at 9:30 pm13

AUIHihauiaHIahAIHA

a fucking viking fan ?? AUIHAuih

what a pity… i feel sorry for you cracka !
that´s for you respect even more the will of our GOD.

JUST like he made you with no penis, now he put a old guy to represent you fucking football team.
uAHUIahuiaHUIahuiHAUah

CRY, CRY, CRY!!!!
on 19 Aug 2009 at 9:31 pm14

YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOUR NICKNAME TO:

WHATAPITY CRACK!!!

AhuiaHUIAhA
on 19 Aug 2009 at 9:58 pm15anne johnson

Herbman, is that some kind of native war cry or something?
on 20 Aug 2009 at 1:17 pm16

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR NICK NAME CRACKA I CHANGE MINE TO “LIKE IT IN DA BUTT”!!!!!

DEAL? NO DEAL?
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:22 pm17

UhuiahuiAHUI

calm down cracka, i didnt meant to hurt your feelings…

and Anne freaking johnson, don´t be so stupid, read my coment again and wonder to your brainless head if this is a way cry or im just telling cracka to cry about his damn life.
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:23 pm18Dr. Herbman

shit, i forgot to put my nickname on my comments.
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:29 pm19Dr. Herbman

Comment 16:

Cracka boy got his feelings hurt.
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:30 pm20Dr. Herbman

CRACKA BOY IS NOT SO UPPITY NOWWW!!

MUHAwaWAwaWAwAWAwaWAwa
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:41 pm21Hume Cronyn

lay off the blunches, dude
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:47 pm22Dr. Herbman

no way man.
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:52 pm23Dr. Herbman

and don´t like that about my joints, GOD himself bless all my joints
so, they are blessed and i have to smoke all, so i can got into heaven!=)
on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:52 pm24Dr. Herbman

*so i can GET into heaven.
on 20 Aug 2009 at 8:17 pm25uppity cracka

i am beginning to wonder to my brainless head if lerbwoman is really brazilian. are the cubs such legendary losers that even kickball watching jungle monkeys have heard of them?
on 20 Aug 2009 at 9:41 pm26Dr. Herbman

i have something called cable tv man…

you prolly should buy you one…
on 20 Aug 2009 at 10:01 pm27uppity cracka

wgn in brazil.
i’ll be darned.
on 15 Jan 2010 at 11:22 pm28antfaber

You sure did a good job of smiting Mr. Favre. He’ll probably keel over from overwork after the Super Bowl.
on 05 Feb 2010 at 10:04 am29Dexquisite

I love how this was pretty close.

Fuck you Farve.