Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Maybe I never specifically covered this in the Bible, but I’d like to take this chance to go on the record and unequivocally state that: I, The Almighty Lord God, in no way condone sex with children. It is a sin, and anyone who commits this sin shall be punished with death.
I loathe child molesters! They are foul creatures who have no respect for Me or for the beautiful little children I hath created.
I can confirm for you all right now - there is indeed a special section in hell for child molesters. It’s a place where all sexual predators are perpetually tormented in ever new and inventive ways. I tell you, it’s impressive. Say what you will about Satan, but that son-of-a-bitch knows his torture.
Take for example, Michael Jackson. That guy can’t go two minutes without fondling some baby ass. That’s why he has his own special torture-ranch within the pedophile section of hell. There, Jackson is endlessly disemboweled, set on fire and raped by his father Joe. And I’ll be darned if those evil wizards down in hell don’t think of new ways to inflict anguish upon him every day!
It makes Me happy, because there are many varieties of child molester in the world today, and I hate them all.
There are your everyday, out-in-the-open pedophiles, such as priests, Michael Jackson, or R. Kelly. This brand of pedophile is always thirsty for more, and doesn’t care who knows it.
Then there are the child molesters you never knew about, such as Adolf Hitler or Glen Beck. These psychotics usually have an insatiable craving for evil and so they dabble in all manner of cruelty, which always includes a foray into child molestation.
It can get confusing. Sometimes there are pedophiles who only look like they’re a pedophile, such as Pope Benedict or John Travolta. I hate this kind of pedophile! These jerks insist they’re not pedophiles, even in their prayers…but…they have to be. Just look at them!
And of course, we can’t forget the “fictional” brand of pedophile, your Ronald McDonald, your Willy Wonka, or that creepy old man from Family Guy. These are the most insidious form of pedophile, for although they may not actually rape any children, they make creepy strangers seem fun and lovable to billions of children worldwide.
Then there’s all the in-the-closet child molesters out there, such as Anderson Cooper or Wilford Brimley. I HATE THESE GUYS! They skate by for as long as they can on their reputation, and try to distract the general public away from their obvious pedophilia with things like Hurricane Katrina and Diabeetus. I say, expose these sick freaks for what they are!
I WANT ANDERSON COOPER’S HEAD ON A PIKE! I WANT TO FEAST ON WILFORD BRIMLEY’S FRIGGING PANCREAS!
Gene on 
ronpaulcandidate on 
jetaDeelp on 
Nun Ur Damned Bizness on 
The Ender on 
[...] Read the rest here: #82 Child Molesters [...]
New around here, God. Have to say I approve of how this place is run. Carry on.
Oh, and PS… some of your womenfolk seem rather slatternly. Could that be errrmm.. tidied up.
It’ll all be sorted out when my lad rules the world. Yes, I know your boy wins, Fucking prince of peace, how the fuck do you beat that? Seriously, your boy is a twat. As a dad I cannot win. What are you trying to do to me.
I cry into me beer every night, hoping my son is not religious or gay. And then there’s you, telling him he’s evil incarnate, What am I supposed to do? Not care?
Hmm.. pancreas.. (slobber)
Are these cats child molesters too?
http://gatoisland.com/archive/wilfordbrimleycats/
and what about Ken Ham? He looks a bit molesterish to me.
The Tree Gods thank You for Your harsh treatment of child molesters. They told me that They will be renewing Their contract and sending you any Tree God worshipers who commit such vile acts.
Given the fact that Tree God worshipers like their nudity, I suppose there are a few pedophiles in our midst. Those creeps better hope they don’t run into me.
likes: most of this hate. highlights are “pedophiles who aren’t pedophiles but look like they are definitely pedophiles” and “diabeetus”
dislikes: uncalled for and wildly inaccurate accusations about willy wonka.
oh, and great use of farside drawing.
well, the only shit i ever did with children dear God, was to give them an ounce of weed last saturday.
do you think i did wrong ? all children liked and we all smoked a big fat blunch wich one i specially rolled in the name of the Lord.
i write GOD on my joint, so smoked you for good.
uiAHahuiAH
a lot of people asking me where i have beem… well, i don´t know but what i do know is that i´m BACK!!!!
good lord, please bless my 3 daily chibas 4ever.
Any corporate or sports team mascot is inherently suspicious, not just Rotten Ronnie. Shoot first and ask questions later, I say.
I’d been wondering what your official position on kid touchers was. Thanks for clearing things up, I like your inclusion of John Travolta.
Lilith, were you molested by a mascot?
Let’s just say that the Pilsbury Dough Boy is not as sweet and giggly as he appears on TV. Dirty rotten bastard.
You got molested by the Pillsbury dough-boy? i thought I was the only one!
fuck.
that child molester, brett favre, is on my football team.
fuck.
fucking brett “brett favre” favre is a viking…
God, does this mean they will lose the super bowl in overtime when he throws a pick six even though they’re well within field goal range and just need to run the ball??? IS THAT WHAT THIS MEANS?!!!!
john madden is probably so happy he just went right out and fucked some kid’s butt.
hahaha, you still got it cracka!
you still need to shut up, ben.
Herbman smokes blunches with kids?
Sounds like a pederast to me.
greeeeeeeaaat Herbman is back. but seriously was anyone asking where he was?
Seriously, since when does The Lord, Our God give a shit about children?:
” I will make them eat the flesh of
their sons and daughters,and they
will eat one another’s flesh during
the stress of the siege imposed
on them by the enemies who seek
their lives.” Jeremiah 19:9
In Ben’s name
Hmmm, that IS a good point, W in BAL. What about the Slaughter of the Innocents in the Bible? And killing all the Egyptians’ first born children? Those are just the first two examples to leap to mind.
Don’t be stupid! God’s just talking about human child molesters. God is God. He’s allowed to molest any child he wants–the Bible is full of drownings, slaughterings, smitings and other sorts of divine kiddie carnage. God made them, he can wipe them out as unpleasantly as he likes. It’s a great part of His Divine Plan. Their reward will be to go to heaven all innocent and pure–like the young Michael Jackson before he turned freakish.
You guys are such piss poor believers.
” God made them, he can wipe them out as unpleasantly as he likes. It’s a great part of His Divine Plan. ”
Somehow, your words seem to squash any futile attempt to spark an argument. Consider me converted.
( In Ben’s name )
Smoggy’s good at squashing stuff. Usually stinky stuff out in the barn. Stuff that clings to his boots because he unplugged from the sheep too quickly.
Cracka, would you rather have Favre or Michael Vick?
Oh, you’re such a pussy, W in BAAL. Or should I say rodent?
And Smoggy, I won’t even SAY what you are.
Dear God,
Was Bob Novak a pedophile?
Or just another asshole who
had it coming?
Dr Talarico Brian north bay Has been convicted of child molestation, an possession of child pornography on his computer. Sexually molesting a young boy. He had prior convictions for child molestation in 1990 and 2001. After his parole in 2006. Dr. Talarico Brian. Works for north east mental health centre, despite his background, and numerous complaints against him of abuse, fraud, negligence, and imprisonment.
Address:
North East Mental Health Centre
North Bay Campus
Highway 11 North
North Bay
Ontario
P1B 8L1