Stuff God Hates

Newsbreak

Jul 27th, 2009 by God

Don’t forget - news agencies are but meaningless drones that can only attempt to report on My Awesome and Eternally Unfolding Plan.

I told you I would smite Sarah Palin:

Sarah Palin Steps Down Amidst Ethics Probe
And this is only the beginning! Soon Sarah will completely melt down and lose her mind live on CNN in front of a large crowd of supporters. Sarah Palin will curse the day John McCain ever called her! HAHAHA!

Texas Mom Says Devil Told Her to Decapitate Baby

It’s true! It is exactly as she says; the devil told her to stab and decapitate her baby, and she just couldn’t resist his evil devil tongue. It wasn’t her fault. She is clearly sane and telling the truth and should be forgiven.

North Korea Publicly Executes Christian Woman for Distributing Bible
North Korea will perish for this abomination! How dare they execute Bridgette, one of My most devout followers?

Obama Supports Alcoholism
North Korea going nuts? Invite’em over for cigars and poker! Trouble in Iran? Nothing a few beers can’t solve. Who wants to do an eight-ball with the U.S.?

Barack Obama is a dirty drunk, a filthy smoker and a raging cokehead and his “let’s have a beer” foreign policy will be his undoing.

Report: Michael Jackson’s Prosthetic Nose Is Missing

It is not missing. It is now attached to My Glorious and Supreme Keychain.

Tags: God, News

Posted in Earth, News

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117 Responses to “Newsbreak”

on 27 Jul 2009 at 8:32 am1Stupid Git

I totally agree about the woman who killed her baby. I mean, no atheist scum would follow such grotesque voices in their mind telling them to cut off the head of their baby, cut off it’s head and eat parts of it’s body. Only a true believer would follow such demands. This woman should be regarded in the highest of esteem like Abraham who would have gladly killed his son Isaac to please you. Maybe we should give her sainthood?
on 27 Jul 2009 at 1:27 pm2Lilith

So THAT’S where Bridgette went!
on 27 Jul 2009 at 1:35 pm3Hume Cronyn

jacko’s nose on His keychain - nice
on 27 Jul 2009 at 1:49 pm4The Unpleasanter Jew

this is lame. bring on the hate, faggot.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 2:51 pm5Nun Ur Damned Bizness

shut up ben.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 3:10 pm6Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The link God has isn’t working so I did a search… Jesus fucking Christ!!

http://www.beaumontenterprise.com/news/local/UPDATE_Mom_said_devil_made_her_decapitate_baby.html
on 27 Jul 2009 at 3:28 pm7Lilith

God, was it your hatred of news agencies that caused you to smite Walter Cronkite with a mighty smite last week?
on 27 Jul 2009 at 3:50 pm8Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Walter Cronkite is now in Heaven reading the Divine News to God. That’s not a smite but a blessing.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 4:19 pm9Foppl's Siege Party

You mean that Sarah Palin won’t be on Fox news preaching to her knuckle dragging followers and raking in some righteous cash?
on 27 Jul 2009 at 4:37 pm10Bei Shen

I was surprise to learn that Cancunese people do not actually speak Cancunese. They actually speak Spanish! Just like Mexican people. And they also do their commerce in pesos as well.

So there I was at Cancun Internation Airport, thinking it’s just going to be another run of the mill vacation spot. How wrong it turns out to be. There were two gates, one for American and another for all others. I don’t know what behind the other gate, but the gate reserved for American had mariachi band, parade with singing children, and the governer himself accompanied by his wife. He thanked me for coming and asked if I can make a speech. Not wanting to let the Cancunese people down I took the stage and delivered a thunderous address. I said on behalf of God — who is doing His divine work in Costa Rica — and His beautiful followers, I would like to express my happiness to have come and thus boosting their economy and improving their lives. The Cancunese people were all moved by this. Some were openly weeping.

I will write some more when I can find the time.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 7:39 pm11American Psycho

Or maybe Walter Cronkite is in hell read the newspaper on the toilet.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 7:39 pm12American Psycho

*reading
on 27 Jul 2009 at 7:57 pm13Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m stunned. Speechless. Crazy bitch ate that baby’s brain and tore off his face. At that age, my son was fighting to stay alive as he was born very ill. I cannot imagine treating him or any other newborn in such a way and it makes my stomach hurt to think about.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090727/ap_on_re_us/us_baby_decapitated
on 27 Jul 2009 at 9:03 pm14anne johnson

God, not that I care, because I don’t, but what else is on Your Divine Key Chain? Might make a good topic for a video.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 9:34 pm15Christian The Jew

Wait?
What? She ate the brain?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:58 am16uppity cracka

bridgette’s going to be publicly executed!!!

that’s wonderful…i mean terrible.

been doing any shutting up lately, ben???
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:16 am17Christian The Jew

BTW God, getting a 404 on the MOM story
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:34 am18God

I hath fixed the link.

NOW READ about the mommy who ate her baby for breakfast! And take pity on her because it was Satan’s fault, once again.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:01 am19God

anne - I have a copy of Earth on my keychain, the keys to My House, My Office, and My Car. I also have a key to My Treasure Chest where I store My Divine Stash. Beyond that, let’s see here, a laser pointer, a Costa Rican frog bottle opener, a Swiss army knife, a USB drive, and a nice hell-snow-globe that shows Einstein getting repeatedly annihilated by atomic fire in hell.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:28 pm20Lilith

Nice addition of that Obama photo, God. You really do see into the hearts of all men, don’t you?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:49 pm21Benjamin

hahaha, that picture is great.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 3:21 pm22The Unpleasanter Jew

did nun call me ben up there?

ucch.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 3:40 pm23Benjamin

yeah, it sucks when people call you ben. luckily my name is benjamin and not ben or whore or jew.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:06 pm24Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HA!! HAHAHA!! I fucking LOVE that picture of O-Man smokin’ the ganga.

No spark plug gapper on Your Divine Keychain, God? And where might You hide that precious Treasure Chest of Yours?
.
.
God said: “NOW READ about the mommy who ate her baby for breakfast!”

Jesus, God.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:23 pm25anne johnson

God’s got a lot of shit on his key chain. I guess it makes sense, if you’re the janitor of the universe.

I’m not going to read about the mommy who ate her baby, unless there’s a recipe attached that I can expand to accommodate the larger size of a teenager.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:24 pm26anne johnson

Never mind. Teenzilla’s brain is made of cotton candy, and I’m watching my girlish figure.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:28 pm27Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Mmmm…. cotton candy. I would so totally eat my son if he tasted like cotton candy.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:24 pm28anne johnson

It’s only her brain that is cotton candy. The rest of her is made of stone.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 6:10 pm29Benjamin

i heard Disney has cotton candy that lights up at night and changes color. probably gives you cancer though.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 7:25 pm30Jim

Cotton candy sticks in my beard. Guess I’m safe.

San Francisco was nearly 50 degrees cooler than this hellhole. I should have never moved away in 1967.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 7:40 pm31anne johnson

Anyone who would eat something that glows in the dark deserves to get the God-smiting called cancer.

Jim, I know it’s no consolation, but at least you have dry heat. I won’t know when I’ve died and gone to hell, because who can tell the difference between hell and New Jersey?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 7:47 pm32Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God killed one of my friends. Why, God? WHY???
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:12 pm33anne johnson

God’s a meanie-pants, that’s why.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:15 pm34Jim

At my age, God does an amazing job of simplifying my life by systematically scrubbing names from my email address book. It’s what He does, Nun, and He’s really good at it.

Condolences…
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:43 pm35Benjamin

sorry to hear that Nun. what happened exactly? maybe it wasn’t God’s fault, maybe it was Satan
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:43 pm36Nun Ur Damned Bizness

She was in her mid-30s. She found out she had lung cancer a few months ago and now she’s gone. I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that she did not suffer long but it still sucks. She was also younger than me and it always strikes a nerve when a contemporary dies. Damn it!
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:44 pm37Nun Ur Damned Bizness

shut up, ben.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:06 pm38Jim

I wonder if God intentionally misspelled “holiest” at the top of the page, or if he just arbitrarily changed the spelling without informing us, His faithful followers?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:56 pm39Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Obviously mortals misspell that word, Jim because God is like perfect and all.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:12 pm40Christian The Jew

If only I had the faith of that mom….
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:23 pm41Christian The Jew

BTW, God, is this a blasphemous picture, or is it true…

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ayj1HuBfNe4/SmflMV9KpEI/AAAAAAAAA34/WuI58cpqOqg/s1600/images.jpg
on 29 Jul 2009 at 12:51 am42Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m fucking HOT!!!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 3:11 am43God

Jim and Nun,

I am perfect. Which is exactly why I hath intentionally mispelt ‘Holyiest’ because I like it better that way, and so hath changed the spelling of that word. Henceforth spell it that way or burnhell.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 3:11 am44Warrior in Christ Almighty's Love

My my my, aren’t we all so clever. well, YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!!! ALL OF YOU!!! You people sicken me.

The Lord, our God, gave his son so that you people could write this utter DRIVEL! Did you ever think about that? Huh?

I bet none of you ever even picked up a bible. Christ’s Almighty Love is available for all of you to enter into, as soon as you choose to end your heathen ways.

I pray for you
on 29 Jul 2009 at 3:16 am45God

Christian Jew,

I have fixed your link, which is indeed blasphemous, as I do not love the ugly. No one loves the ugly. They are the damned of the universe.

Warrior in Christ Almighty’s Love,

NO! You are going to hell, because only I, The Lord, your God, who gave My son to the world, am allowed to damn people to hell.

Don’t bother praying. I’m not listening.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 1:40 pm46anne johnson

Warrior, please tell all your friends about this heathen site! And thanks for calling us clever. Most of us are. And thanks for calling us heathens. I’m actually a Druid, but I answer to “heathen” if there’s casseroles and mead to be had.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 3:19 pm47Jim

I still get the Divine 404 message at Christian the Jew’s link, so I assume that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Good one!

Anne, the reason for my trip to San Francisco was to celebrate the croning of my older sister. I was surrounded by tree fuckers and granola crunchers. Maybe I AM better off in this inferno; good practice…
on 29 Jul 2009 at 4:05 pm48Benjamin

i agree with you anne, i hope this christ warrior comes back. these people are so much fun but they usually don’t come back. they just do one bomb run on us and then bounce.

i miss josh and cracka.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 4:44 pm49Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God said: “burnhell”

Is that how we’re supposed to say “burn in hell” now? Should we just do away with prepositions in general?

God said: “I have fixed your link”

Were You high when You wrote that, God?

ben said: “i miss josh and cracka.”

Of course you do, ben. They’re men and you’re a sexist ass. Where is Token(aka Josh) anyway?
on 29 Jul 2009 at 5:25 pm50God

Nun,

Yes, you can say ‘burnhell’ that way now, if you so choose.

AND I HAVE FIXED THAT LINK! IT WORKS FOR ME!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 5:40 pm51Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Maybe You could post the link since it works for You, God. It certainly isn’t working for me. I know I’m just a stupid, woman mortal but it’s really not that difficult to click a mouse. I don’t see how I’m doing it wrong.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 5:51 pm52Bloodvork

You have to manually copy the link and paste it into your explorer bar for the picture to work.

Warrior, Level 27
Bonuses and Penalties:
+ Warrior is unphased by the element of Scientific Evidence
+ Warrior has +3 resistance to Reason
+ Warrior can summon The Flock to aid him in battles

- Warrior suffers a -10 penalty in Constitution when Abortion is cast
- Warrior receives no benefit from Stem Cell Research
- Warrior class does not evolve

Bio:
A power fighter with a high base Faith stat, Warrior is a good beginner class. It suffers after some time as it is incapable of increasing its Intelligence stat.

Misc. Info:
Warrior is just plain covered in Christ’s love. It’s all over his face and chest.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 5:59 pm53Benjamin

LMAO! hilarious post bloodvork, i’m laughing my ass off here
on 29 Jul 2009 at 6:04 pm54God

This link is evil!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 6:18 pm55Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That link is indeed pure evil, God.

Bloodvork is an RPG geek.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 6:37 pm56Jim

Evil though it may be, I’ve woke up with worse.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 6:37 pm57anne johnson

Now God’s links aren’t working for me! But I will never blame God for this. I’m too busy shagging trees and riding unicorns to learn the ups and downs of computers.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 6:47 pm58Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Bloodvork is right, you have to copy and paste the url. The link is pure evil and is obviously the work of Satan.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 6:59 pm59Bei Shen

Is it work safe, Nun?
on 29 Jul 2009 at 7:00 pm60Foppl's Siege Party

Great stuff, Bloodvork!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 7:05 pm61Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think it is, Bei.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 7:08 pm62Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Satan continues his evil deeds…

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090729/sc_afp/climatewarmingoceansfish

What a prick!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 8:24 pm63Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Did You know that Satan has confiscated the Pacific Northwest?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32199224/ns/weather/

It’s 105 F where I’m at and I swear I’ll die soon.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 9:31 pm64Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Congrats, Cracka. It seems you’ll have much to look forward to this football season.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=dw-childressfavre072809&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
on 29 Jul 2009 at 9:57 pm65Jim

Last night when you said you were fucking hot, I thought you meant you were hot in a Paris Hilton kind of way, Nun. 105 in the PNW isn’t right. It’s normal here–in fact we have a “cold” front going through which has cooled us down to 108 today.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 10:08 pm66Jim

So here I am, perusing the Farm and Garden section of craigslist, and THIS jumps out at me:
http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/grd/1295663944.html
This is some fucked up shit, right here…
on 29 Jul 2009 at 10:49 pm67Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I am hot in a Paris Hilton sort of way… without the Paris Hilton skankiness. I am also fucking HOT because Satan dragged the PNW down to hell with him. What a fucking bastard!

Most of us up here do not have A/C in our houses and I’m fucking dying. My burro’s balls are hanging down to his ankles right now.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 2:43 pm68Benjamin

you’re hot in a Paris Hilton sort of way if Paris Hilton was 60 pounds heavier and sold her cooter for 30 bucks a pop.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 3:20 pm69Lilith

Hey Benjamin, didn’t I just see you starring in that new Disney movie, G-Force?
on 30 Jul 2009 at 3:22 pm70Lilith

Eeeeew, ick, I got comment #69 while talking to Benjamin. That’s not nice, God.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 3:46 pm71Bei Shen

Would it have been better if it was er … you know, Lilith?
on 30 Jul 2009 at 4:11 pm72Lilith

Spell it out for me, Bei.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 5:12 pm73Nun Ur Damned Bizness

#70 - Don’t worry, Lilith. ben doesn’t even know what 69 is. This is a boy that has to be told by women if they’ve had an orgasm. Poor thing.

As for Bei, I could be wrong but he may be implying that you’d be happier if 69 was addressed to a woman.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 5:32 pm74Bei Shen

I wanted to ask would it have been better if it was Nun but I was afraid Nun’s going to deliver a Buddah back roundhouse kick to my head so I softened it a little.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 5:57 pm75Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I wouldn’t do that to you for saying that, Bei. It is a standard when I engage in foreplay though… just so you know.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:03 pm76Jim

I KNEW those commie pinko rat bastids at craigslist would take down that post I linked to last night!
That’s why I saved the text

Breast Milk - $50 (las vegas)
Date: 2009-07-29, 1:31PM PDT

My wife has a lot of breast milk because our son cant drink it, it tastes delicious. And she is disease free. I will sell it for 50 dollars a half gallon, or trade it for a sidekick in good condition.

* Location: las vegas
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:51 pm77Lilith

# 73, 74, 75 — Don’t fuel my fantasies, Bei. Nun is strictly (*sob*) hetero these days, although I understand that she has dabbled in the finer lesbo arts in the past.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:51 pm78Lilith

# 76 — I only have 2 things to say: (1) Eeeeeew, and (2) why isn’t his wife getting the money? Bastard.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 8:16 pm79Jim

There was only one reply to that ad before they were both taken down:

Re: Breast milk (The Farm)
Date: 2009-07-29, 2:14PM PDT
Reply to: see below

How many times a day do you milk her? Is she strickly grass fed, or do you feed her meat also? I can’t really afford to buy any right now, but I wouldn’t mind helping out with the milking!!!

Being a married couple, I’m sure any money raised would be shared equally, right?
on 30 Jul 2009 at 8:28 pm80Lilith

I hope she pulls a Loreena Bobbitt on him someday.
on 30 Jul 2009 at 8:31 pm81Jim

I forget–does God hate bestiality?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090730/ap_on_re_us/us_accused_horse_molester
on 30 Jul 2009 at 10:07 pm82Benjamin

I miss cracka.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 12:29 am83Nun Ur Damned Bizness

50 bucks for a half gallon of breast milk?!? I’m gonna go get pregnant!
on 31 Jul 2009 at 1:11 am84Jim

That would be one way to make your mortgage payments, Nun. Provided you are also disease free, of course.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 2:44 am85Warrior in Christ Almighty's Love

The cleverness ensues. And I quote:

the captain of fifty and man of rank,
the counselor, skilled craftsman and clever enchanter.
Isaiah 3:3

Looks like your rank’s 33 bloodvork. Hurts, doesn’t it. AND my personal relationship with The Lord Christ Almighty does not involve matters of the face & chest. HEATHEN!

REPENT! ALLL OF YOU!
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:31 am86Lilith

Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:33 am87Benjamin

i wonder if this person is real.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 1:41 pm88Bloodvork

No it doesn’t hurt, not really. As a level 33 Bloodvark, I have immunity against [i]Scripture Casting[/i], a +10 resistance to [i]Brainwashed Zombies[/i], and a ring of +3 to resist [i]Argument by Quote. [/i]
on 31 Jul 2009 at 1:42 pm89Bloodvork

Unfortunately, I suffer a -10 penalty in HTML vs UBB Tagging.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 1:50 pm90Bloodvork

Also, you should change your name to Warrior of Faith.

At least then, you would have the redeeming quality of being named after an awesome Hammerfall song, rather than just sounding like a dunce zealot.

A Dunlot.

Level 23 Dunlot
+10 bonus to- I’ve done this joke already.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:35 pm91Foppl's Siege Party

I smell poe.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:05 pm92Benjamin

what does poe smell like? a combination of skunk, poo, and sulphur I imagine.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:17 pm93Lilith

Why don’t you ask Edgar Allan?
on 31 Jul 2009 at 5:37 pm94Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Does ben even know who Edgar Allen Poe is?
on 31 Jul 2009 at 6:35 pm95Benjamin

duh…Foppl wasn’t talking about Edgar Allan Poe, he was talking about ‘Poe’s Law.’

ya dumb ho.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 7:11 pm96Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Lilith wasn’t you putrid little rotting ballbag.

Somebody called you that once and I kind of like it.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 8:34 pm97Lilith

Things can have more than one meaning, Benjamin, you little rat-faced git.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 8:45 pm98Jim

Oooh–chicks ganging up on Ben!
on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:30 pm99Lilith

Yeah, it’s the only two girl action he’s likely to experience!
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:10 pm100Jim

Or me, for that matter. Never been one of my fantasies, anyway.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:01 pm101Benjamin

me either Jim. i’m not greedy. congrats on the century mark Jim.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 12:40 am102uppity cracka

strange,
i kind of miss you people and whore.

ben, good job on 68…and shut up.

i will be posting next week a lot. i expect more bloodvork. your bloody vark-vorkiness is awesome.

josh, i am going to make a (somewhat) serious attempt at standup very soon. i have been studying, master. i am going to the acme comedy club in minneapolis. ever been? scrubbing up on my heckler smashing skills. apparently, for some GAY reason (what other reasons are there?) there is an abundance of heckling on open mic nights there. my buddy, who is an incredible guitarist, bartends there and has been dabbling in the standup, as well. hmm, is that too many commas? i’m drunk.

smoggy,

SMOGGY!!!!!!

this is the holyiest website fucking EVER!!
on 01 Aug 2009 at 12:44 am103uppity cracka

nun,

despite your vaginal deficiency you have done an excellent job in telling ben to shut up without capitalizing (funny american Zs). if i were single…i’d stab you in the asshole with a cactus.

shut up, ben.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 12:54 am104uppity cracka

holyie shit!!!

it’s eleventy billion degrees in the PAC NW!! nun, close your legs!!! there are old people on medicare who can’t afford A/C!!
on 01 Aug 2009 at 12:55 am105uppity cracka

should i keep posting straight to 200 or show up for my gig?

the crowd’s drunk…i’m drunk…the cab driver’s drunk.

i heart MPLS.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 3:22 am106Benjamin

yaaay! great stuff cracka. you definitely should give standup a try and humiliate those heckler fags.

i agree about bloodvork too. he’s one really hilarious dude.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 3:35 am107Benjamin

Name: Nun ur Damned Bizness
Race: Whore, Level 97
Bonuses and Penalties:
+ Whore is unphased by the element of penis
+ Whore has +3 resistance to STD’s
+ Whore can summon The Treefucker to aid her in battles

- Whore suffers a -20 penalty in Willpower when Black Dick is cast
- Whore receives no benefit from contraception
- Whore is a bad class for Intelligence but good for Charm.

Bio:
A dirty slut with a high base Cunt stat, Whore is a good beginner class. It suffers after some time as it’s Attractiveness stat loses value.

Misc. Info:
Nun is just plain covered in celebrity sperm. It’s all over her face and chest.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 5:23 am108uppity cracka

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA!!!!!!
on 01 Aug 2009 at 1:58 pm109Hume Cronyn

you damn kids with your newfangled insults;
in my day we just called a sporting lady
a harlot
with a spider’s web of malfeasance
betwixt her legs
on 01 Aug 2009 at 3:43 pm110Jim

How the hell did I not notice a Holyie quickening?

Fuck, I’m old.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 6:18 pm111Jim

Sweet Jeebus, God! Yes, I know you told us you’d smite Sarah Palin, and yes, also too, I always believed you would, but this IS pretty good. And fast!
http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/2009/08/exclusive-sarah-and-todd-palin-are.html
on 01 Aug 2009 at 9:31 pm112anne johnson

I wonder which one of them was sleeping around…
on 01 Aug 2009 at 9:31 pm113anne johnson

Hey Cracka, how was that gig? Did you puke on stage?
on 01 Aug 2009 at 9:33 pm114anne johnson

BTW, Happy Lughnasadh to all you faithful tree-huggers out there! This is one of our big festivals … eat, drink, be merry, and thank the Gods that you can do it.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 4:46 am115Hume Cronyn

a festival for eating and drinking?
don’t most people call this ‘the weekend?’
on 02 Aug 2009 at 11:19 pm116anne johnson

God sent a mighty thunderstorm that kept me home from my Pagan Ritual. Way to go, God. All the people who braved the weather and actually went are writing on their boards about how great it was. So I’m an ex-Christian AND a sucky Pagan. They won’t know which hell to throw me into.

I’m nice to cats, so maybe I’ll wind up in Ancient Egyptian Heaven. That will be cool, but I’ll have to learn the language.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 1:08 am117Clarence Dember

Goddy, it seems the higher “minorities” go in their education, the more fun police seem to have arresting them. Given the recent educated management Wall Street melt down and the oh we’re so so damn educated bail outs for those too big to fail so damn educated syndicates, are honest educated minorities getting arrested because they aren’t stealing enough?