Stuff God Hates

#80 “Evolution”

Jul 20th, 2009 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I can’t believe it’s taken Me till My 80th Divine Hate-Therapy posting to be able to finally express My Rage over this, but I CAN FINALLY SAY WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID!*

IF THERE IS ONE THING I HATE MORE IN MY UNIVERSE, IT’S “EVOLUTION!”

If you think that I, THE LORD ALMIGHTY GOD, did not in fact create the sun, the stars, the moon, all the creatures of the earth and man and woman in a mere 7 days – THEN YOU ARE A STUPID STUPID FOOL!

The Darwinian Theory of Evolution is just that, a THEORY! It’s NONSENSE!

Need proof? TOO BAD! Take My Word for it….OR DIE!

Then again, fine. Here is some foolproof and Divine logic for all you skeptical assholes out there: Mankind has never “evolved!”

You people are just as dumb now as you have ever been. You and everyone you know represent some of the dumbest dumbasses who have ever lived. I’ve been around a long time, and believe Me I’ve seen a lot of dumb bastards, and humans are just born full of sin and stupidity.

But I don’t hate humans – I LOVE THEM! I love those stupid little bastards because I know that it’s not their fault they’re so stupid.

Listen to ME! I’ll tell you all for the first time the reason you are all such idiots. I, as the Designer and Creator of man, must tell you whose fault it is. It’s Satan!

I made man perfect! I originally designed your brains to make you a race of brilliant super-geniuses, but thanks to a virus created by Satan, you humans are only able to use 6-10% of your brains.

Evolution is an idea put forth by Satan and perpetrated by the agents of SATAN! Scientists, atheists, and fags are all out there right now intimidating and beating up any righteous Christian who believeth in Me. THEY SHALL ALL BURN IN THE FRIGGING EVERLASTING HELL-FIRE!

Charles Darwin, who first invented the idea of evolution, was merely the devil in disguise! In answer to My sending of My Son to earth, Satan chose to take the form of a fat elderly Englishman to try to discredit Me. Long before Satan did that of course, he unleashed dinosaurs on the Earth, and Me and the rest of the Holy Trinity had to go down there and wipe them all out. Yes, killing all the dinosaurs was fun. You’re welcome.

Thankfully, a solid 70% of Americans still believe that I Created the world.

That figure is only around 21% worldwide, but who cares?

FUCK THE WORLD!**

*My therapist says I’ve made a breakthrough.
**I’ve killed you all before, and I’ll do it again!

Tags: God

Posted in Religion, Science, Sex, Sins, The Bible

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162 Responses to “#80 “Evolution””

on 20 Jul 2009 at 2:41 pm1Yo Yo Ma Ma

Where is Charles Darwin, God?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 2:44 pm2Yo Yo Ma Ma

BTW, I was on ‘vacation’ last week - we had my father’s funeral, it was well attended. Saw cousins I hadn’t seen in decades! Helped Mom at the funeral home. My younger brother is an ass, couldn’t get him to understand last week wasn’t about him.

Special times, special times
on 20 Jul 2009 at 2:45 pm3Yo Yo Ma Ma

Haven’t seen Satan in months.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 2:48 pm4God

I SAID IT IN MY POST! “CHARLES DARWIN” WAS A SKIN SATAN USED TO PERVERT HUMANITY!!

DARWIN IS SATAN! SATAN IS DARWIN!
on 20 Jul 2009 at 2:53 pm5Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yeah! Pay attention, Yo lest you piss off our beloved God.

God,

Can’t Jesus help with the code-breaking? Doesn’t He have some kind of hacking skills?

I sure would like to use the rest of my brain. I’m quite sure I’d be able to fly if I could.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 3:35 pm6God

No Jesus has no hacking skills, or any other discernible skills for that matter.

I am glad you humans remain stupid, it makes you somewhat easier to control.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 3:41 pm7Yo Yo Ma Ma

Wha?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 3:51 pm8Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jesus has skills!! He’s got dancing skills, grabbing his crotch skills, wearing sandals skills, talking ghetto skills. Maybe He doesn’t have any skills that are worth a good You damn but He’s got skills nonetheless.

My loser of a child bought me a big crystal that had been cut to resemble a diamond. He thought it really was a diamond that I could sell on Ebay. That’s fucking stupid and I told him so. My son cries a lot.

I’m going to drill a hole in my skull so my brain can have more blood-flow. I’ll be smarter that way and will be able to do wicked-cool telepathic stuff. I learned that from The X-Files.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 3:56 pm9God

Yo Yo,

Because I love you I will explain even further. Charles Darwin, you see, was never a real person. “He” was merely Satan, disguised on Earth in the form of a human. Satan (as Darwin) concocted this silly idea of evolution and used his evil influence to spread the idea around. If that is too difficult to understand, then just know this:

Charles Darwin is burning in hell.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 3:58 pm10Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Drill a hole in your skull, Yo. Not only will you understand what God is saying but you’ll be able to do wicked-cool telepathic stuff.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:02 pm11Jim

God, some of us are indeed stupider than others. Thank You for further explaining Darwin to us.

Nun, won’t my tinfoil hat block the telepathic communications enabled by the hole in my head? I’d hate to waste the effort, ya know…
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:05 pm12Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, I checked, and the so-called ‘junk DNA’ we carry is actually comments. Perhaps You can use those to decipher the IQ problem.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:06 pm13Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, thank You for the clarification!
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:10 pm14Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, I tried to drill a hole, but forgot to use a depth limiter. Now this funny stuff is running out. I stuffed in a tampon to block the flow.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:32 pm15Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jim, you idiot! The tinfoil hat is to keep the aliens from mind-controlling your ineffectual brain. Drill a hole in your head and you’ll be able to fly up to those aliens and kick their alien asses in addition to other wicked-cool telepathic stuff. Just don’t drill a big tampon sized hole like poor, stupid Yo.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:44 pm16Jim

Living where I do in Art Bell country, next door to Area 51 and beneath the chem-trailed skies, could possibly be taken as enough proof that I am indeed an idiot. I mean, why ELSE would I live here?

I tried drilling a 3/16″ hole, but the battery died on my cordless drill and now I’ve got a drillbit sticking out of my head and it’s starting to hurt.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:54 pm17Nun Ur Damned Bizness

How fucking hard is it to drill a fucking hole in one’s fucking head so you can perform wicked-cool telepathic stuff?? Stupid fucking mortals!

Maybe it’s best that Satan blocked most of our awesome brain power. We’d be more dangerous than we already are if we had 100% brain power.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:55 pm18Yo Yo Ma Ma

Jim, you should have used a Forstner bit, it makes a cleaner hole.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 4:58 pm19Yo Yo Ma Ma

Jim, Area 51 is a coverup for Area 52.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:01 pm20Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What’s up with the crop circles in Utah?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:01 pm21Jim

Yo Yo knows too much…
on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:03 pm22Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Area 51 is a coverup for Dulce.

http://tinwiki.org/wiki/Bases:Dulce
on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:05 pm23Jim

Mormon sheep walking around in circles, Nun.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:16 pm24Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Here’s one of those Reptoid aliens getting all pissy with a couple of Greys.

http://www.chrisnu.com/s3/index.php?spgmGal=josechung&spgmPic=6&spgmFilters=#pic
on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:24 pm25Yo Yo Ma Ma

“Mormon sheep walking around in circles”

Is that a ‘circle the wagons’ response?

Is Smoggy in Utah?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 6:46 pm26Josh

for Anne, her family photo

http://tinyurl.com/annesfamilypart2
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:08 pm27Yo Yo Ma Ma

I see Jim and Josh in the back, then Teenzilla and Trainwreck, then Annie.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:29 pm28anne johnson

Josh! I thought we wouldn’t reveal that we’re handfasted! Plus, that picture makes me look fat.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:30 pm29anne johnson

I know I’m only using ten percent of my brain, but I’m trying to figure who it is who’s burning in hell if Charles Darwin was really Satan in disguise. Is Satan torching himself for infusing sinners with the THEORY of evilution?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:34 pm30anne johnson

God, please don’t EVER send 12 Jehovah’s Witnesses onto my street at one time, ever again! Send FEMA if you must. Or the DEA. But not those Bible-toting FUPAs.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:34 pm31Foppl's Siege Party

Hi God, how was Costa Rica?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:50 pm32God

It was relaxing. I went to the beach, visited some of My Caverns, ate some chalupas, and smote some natives.

All around a welcome respite. Now it’s back to the fucking grind. I HATE MY JOB!
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:52 pm33Smoggy Batzrubble

Forgive me God, but I find it hard to believe that You let that smoldering penis, Satan, get one over on You. As a born-again, spirit-filled, bible-believing, sheep-rooting Christian, I prefer to believe that everything is part of Your perfect and divine plan. So my belief is You created Satan to pose as Darwin to weed out the good from the bad, separate the wheat from the chaff, and divide the sheep from the goats. All of those who fall for the evilution rubbish are clearly sinful by nature and too weak minded to have faith, and I’m sure You will make sure they burn in hell for eternity with hot pokers shoved in and out of their fleshy orifices.

Praise Your Might Name and Death and Taxes to the Evilutionists.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 7:54 pm34Smoggy Batzrubble

Paganannie, if you were a God-fearing man you would be using 10% of your brain. You are a pagan woman with a surname that is a dicknickname–so you are only using 1.75% of your brain.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 8:03 pm35Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ummm… You’re God… aren’t You always doing Your Job even when You’re on a Divine Holiday? Wouldn’t the world stop spinning if You stopped doing “Your Job”?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 8:14 pm36Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God went to Costa Rica because of Spencer and Heidi Pratt.

The Pratts are hideous demons masquerading as mere mortals and some of their demonesque qualities seeped out of their mortal skins and tainted the surrounding natural beauty that was Costa Rica. Costa Rica was a demonized devil country because of those fucking demon Pratts and God went there to fix it… and to smite the natives because God loves to smite.

I’m so fucking hungry for chalupas right now.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 8:31 pm37Josh

God,
Can You bless me with superpowers? Perhaps give me 3 wishes and see how I would use them.

I’m bored, and the state of comedy sucks.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 8:32 pm38Hume Cronyn

I like flautas.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 8:47 pm39Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HA!! I don’t know how many of you heathen fuckholes remember a guy named Weasel who posted here for about a minute but he has his own blog where he is, more often than not, very funny although most of his followers are not.

http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/2009/06/mastur-nation.html

Ignore the first part and go down to Weasel’s description of his first time masturbating. Fucking classic.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 9:14 pm40anne johnson

#39: Smoggy. Go read that. Then give your sheep a rest.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 9:28 pm41God

Nun - I left last week in the able hands of Jesus and The Holy Spirit. Of course, I came back today to find the universe a shambles and Jesus weeping in the corner, but there it is.

Josh - Possibly, but you must tell Me how you would use these 3 wishes first.

Smoggy - No. It is as I have said. DAMN YOUR HIDE!
on 20 Jul 2009 at 9:55 pm42Smoggy Batzrubble

“So we damned his hide when he died Clyde,
And that’s it hanging on the shed.”

All together now….

Tie me kangaroo down God,
Tie my Kangaroo down…
on 20 Jul 2009 at 10:03 pm43Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God said: “I left last week in the able hands of Jesus and The Holy Spirit.”

Well, that certainly explains the Kirk Cameron/Bear sightings in my area.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 10:30 pm44Josh

let’s see:
1) I’d wish for the ability to answer any question if I wanted, even questions I asked myself. Then I’d ask myself for Nun’s and Cracka’s home addresses. Then I’d take pictures of them and send them to each other. Then i would wait, till they met up and fucked, and then take pictures of that and post it here. I’d do the same thing with Ben and his hand.
2) Complete control of the human body on a molecular level. I could make people forever young (myself included), get 6 pack abs, and cure any disease, make vain people extremely ugly. I’d make Anne’s penis huge and give her a life time membership to Ben’s dick sucking factory.
3) Time travel. I couldn’t go back too far, as they don’t like black people any earlier than 1970. Although I could use power #2 to make myself white go back in time and then have sex with Queen Elizabeth and take pictures of me splashing off in her royal hair.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 10:45 pm45anne johnson

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll pass on the penis. Ick.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 10:48 pm46anne johnson

God left the universe in Jesus’s hands. Big mistake. I asked Jesus to fix my porch stairs, and he botched that. Worst carpenter I’ve ever hired.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 10:54 pm47uppity cracka

nice wishes, josh!

fucking satan/darwin went around the world planting evidence all over the place so dumbasses would believe in dinosaurs…wow…that’s dedication.

johnson, did this jesus feller you hired happen to be mexican?
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:13 pm48Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I wonder if it was Jesus or the Holy Spirit that is responsible for that giant mortal-eating-blob in Alaska. We’re all gonna die!!

Speaking of ben, I was looking back at some of the older posts when God first started His Divine Hatred Therapy. It seems that ben posted as Unpleasant Jew quite a few times. He has said recently that he only did it once which makes me wonder if ben is the only Unpleasant Jew.

Maybe Lucifer should come around and defend himself.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:30 pm49Benjamin

yeah, I jumped on his computer while we was off getting lunch. i sucked at impersonating him though. he’s a funny guy.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:38 pm50Benjamin

i’m not funny at all. it’s time i realize that. accept it and move on. that’s my new philosophy on life.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:52 pm51anne johnson

The Jesus I hired to do my carpentry said he was from Nazareth. He looked like a terrorist, not a Mexican.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:53 pm52anne johnson

move on, ben.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:57 pm53Smoggy Batzrubble

Josh,

I’d like to see you travel back in time and get a picture of Princess Di giving you a blowjob five seconds before her big crash.

I’m thinking the World according to Garp here.
on 20 Jul 2009 at 11:58 pm54Smoggy Batzrubble

Ben,

Move on up paganannie. That would be funny.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 12:04 am55Nun Ur Damned Bizness

#53 - Yeowch. Don’t do it, Josh.

A lot of people aren’t funny, ben. Some of them even make a career out of it and make everyone hate them. Carlos Mencia.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 2:12 am56Smoggy Batzrubble

Don’t accept it Ben….

fight,

fight against the dying of the laughtrack
on 21 Jul 2009 at 3:36 am57Josh

Nun,
I’m with Smoggy on this one. I’d time port out right b4 her death.

How many people can honestly say, “The People’s Princess? Yeah she licked my balls”
on 21 Jul 2009 at 3:51 am58Smoggy Batzrubble

Make her tongue your butt as well, Josh.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:24 am59Master Shake

You know else I hated? Pol Pot. He murdered a shitload of Asians but God realised that Pol Pot was Asian himself, so God gave him cancer. He being anally raped by Satan as I type this.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 3:03 pm60Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’d better time port out right before the crash you fucking bonehead. If you time port out right before her death then you’d be all banged up too. You’d also be missing a penis.

You boys are going to hell for talking about Princess Diana that way.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 3:38 pm61American Psycho

nice post God, it was about time you spoke up on the subject. I like the part about you and Jesus killing all the dinosaurs.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:09 pm62Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God changed His Divine Post. I like the changes, God.

HAHAHA!! Man, I loved Cheers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXceET3-awc

HAHAHA!! I’m fucking dying…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hlc05uEPLxo

Shelley Long was one of those actors that was in a tv show and thought she’d do better in movies. Didn’t work out so well for her.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:12 pm63Lucifer

God you are out of your fucking mind. You know as well as I that the reason humans can’t use their full fucking brain is because you SUCK as a creator. Tell the truth you old coot! Tell the truth!
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:18 pm64Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Heya Satan.

Wanna manifest as a hottie and come over for drinks on Saturday? It’d be great if you could find Zeus and bring him too.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:36 pm65Yo² Ma²

The nails kept slipping through the holes in Jesus’ hands, that’s why he was a poor carpenter, Anne.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:40 pm66Yo² Ma²

Josh, what’s the cost to get me ‘Buns of Steel’ and lose my middle-aged paunch?

Got a pricelist?
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:45 pm67Josh

nun,
i thought me timeporting out b4 the crash was understood; but even if i didn’t i could use power #2 to heal myself and my penis. i’ve thought of everything.

yo,
for you? free. just don’t tell anyone. i want to stay under the radar.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 4:51 pm68Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Silly Josh. Not only am I a mortal but I’m a woman. Nothing is understood.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:04 pm69Yo² Ma²

I thank you, Josh. And so does Mrs. Yo Yo.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:05 pm70Jim

Dinosaurs ate my dingo! Thanks for taking care of them, God…
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:09 pm71uppity cracka

it really does depend on who’s sitting on your face, doesn’t it?
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:20 pm72Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Is that why your face is yellow, Cracka? Into watersports, are you?
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:38 pm73Lucifer

HAHAHAHA! TAKE THIS GOD! I made sure your cartoon didn’t win the Playboy contest, and instead made sure some lame unfunny piece of shit won instead!
http://www.playboy.com/humor/play-mation-nation/index.html

HAHAHAHA! Choke on it, bitch!
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:51 pm74Josh

i tried to watch it, but it stop loading every single time.

the first minute 40 loads (and is so unfunny) and it’s an old internet joke put to animation.

good smite Lucy!!!!! There is no way that turd storm could have beaten God without your help.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 5:52 pm75Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That is such fucked up bullshit, Satan!!

I love this…

http://www.break.com/index/etrade-baby-outtakes.html
on 21 Jul 2009 at 6:18 pm76God

DAMN YOU LUCIFER! DAMN YOU!!!

I AM GOING TO VANQUISH YOU SOMEDAY!

BUT FIRST I AM GOING TO SMITE EVERYONE AT PLAYBOY!!
on 21 Jul 2009 at 6:23 pm77Josh

God,
I don’t mean to rush You, but can I get those superpowers?

I want to go to England, cure the vile scientist Stephen Hawking, then beat him so bad that he is unable to walk ever again. All for You Lord, all for You.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 6:28 pm78God

Josh, your prayer is granted. I have you booked for a flight out of La Guardia tomorrow morning at 10:!5am. Be sure to be there a solid 5 hours ahead of time as it is an international flight.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 6:40 pm79Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m sad for God and His Depleted Divine Powers.

Here, watch this, God. If it doesn’t bring a Divine Smile to Your Divine Face then You can take comfort in the fact that You’re not a stupid mortal who is unable to grow facial hair and play Jeopardy with any kind of skills.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=botdmsQilnU

Who are three people who’ve never been in my kitchen!!
on 21 Jul 2009 at 8:26 pm80Benjamin

hey God, sorry to hear that but I thought You said You hated losers who tried their best.

take it from me, nobody wants you when you lose…
on 21 Jul 2009 at 9:02 pm81American Psycho

the result of that contest is clearly just more proof that there is no God.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 9:11 pm82Nun Ur Damned Bizness

There is a God and He totally got fucked by the jackholes over at Playboy. I just watched the winning video and I’d like to know whose dick Gary sucked because I don’t see how that entry won. What the holy fucking fuck!

I guess another schtick you’ve decided to take on is self-pity, huh ben?
on 21 Jul 2009 at 9:16 pm83Benjamin

hasn’t that always been a part of the loser character?
on 21 Jul 2009 at 9:25 pm84Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Not necessarily, ben. Some losers have no idea they’re losers. My son is like that. We go round and round about his loser qualities. He swears he’s not a loser but I tell him he is and then go into detail about all the loser things he does.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 9:40 pm85Benjamin

yeah, that cartoon sucked holy balls. i laughed once in 11 fucking minutes.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 11:09 pm86uppity cracka

i hate everything.

shut up, ben.
on 21 Jul 2009 at 11:36 pm87Christian The Jew

Wait?
Nun? Are you ‘my’ mom?
on 22 Jul 2009 at 12:28 am88Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, Christian. My son is too much of a loser to use the internet by himself.

Wow. Dead baby juice and monkey kidneys. God is right. We are stupid and some of us are more stupid than others.

http://thinkprogress.org/2009/07/21/castle-townhall/
on 22 Jul 2009 at 3:05 am89God

The evidence is everywhere.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 3:44 am90Jim

That’s some fucked up shit there, Nun! I met a lot of people like them during the election campaign last year. Trying to change their collective mind proved to be impossible for the most part. If not for the 3 cities in my state, the results could have been entirely different here. Almost makes me ashamed to be a backwoods rube.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 8:31 am91satan666

hey god FUCK YOU…. LOLZ
i never thought that you could be like ME hahaha FUCK YOU ALL……AND FUCK YOU GOD…
on 22 Jul 2009 at 8:34 am92satan666

fuck you all
on 22 Jul 2009 at 1:17 pm93anne johnson

I was out amidst the unicorns yesterday and missed the news. Being a stubborn Pagan, I refuse to watch any video that beat God’s masterpiece. God, do you want me to cast a spell on that person’s garden, so that his tomato plants get blight?

#92: Someone pretending to be Satan. How original.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 1:36 pm94Yo² Ma²

I see God is exercising His Holy Hand, moving NooZiiland closer to Oz.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090722/sc_afp/nzealandquakescience

Was this for Smoggy’s benefit?
on 22 Jul 2009 at 4:34 pm95Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Anybody remember the major earthquake that caused the tsunami that decimated Thailand? There were a few scientific studies that said the jolt was so massive that it actually tilted the earth a few degrees on its axis. However, those scientific studies were quickly glossed over and forgotten by the mainstream media. It is my guess that they wanted to avoid mass panic. In my area, we’ve noticed changes in the weather since that happened.

I don’t know why I said all that. I guess because NZ is trying to feel up Australia.

As for retards who believe in dead baby juice… As a conspiracy theorist, I tend to wonder if HIV was indeed a manufactured virus but I do not believe it was derived from dead babies. And I would like to take everybody who believes that and make dead people juice out of them.

We have a black man as President and the racists are pouring out of the woodwork. Makes me so angry I can’t see straight and my half-black son isn’t around to batter! :x Damn you, whiteys!! DAMN YOU! And fuck the police everywhere but especially Cambridge.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:13 pm96uppity cracka

i like the right wing kooks, there waaaaaay more fun than left wing kooks.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:32 pm97Jim

Yes Cracka, they are more fun, but they scare the hell out of me. Thanks to the 2nd amendment, I’m as well-armed as they are, at least.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:36 pm98Jim

Look, over there! Shiny object!
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:36 pm99Jim

Can it be the
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:36 pm100Jim

ONE?
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:37 pm101Yo² Ma²

And people wonder why I built my home waaay off the tar road… lanes of fire are completed, now I’m working on ditches to slow down any attackers on foot.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:38 pm102Yo² Ma²

Smooth, Jim!
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:43 pm103Yo² Ma²

Apparently, people give off small amounts of visible (not IR) light: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090722/sc_livescience/strangehumansglowinvisiblelight
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:48 pm104Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That’s science, Yo so it’s completely false.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:54 pm105Yo² Ma²

Don’t worry Nun, the people who brought us Irisology and crystals will tuen it into something strange soon.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:58 pm106Jim

Humans may give off light, but don’t lose faith in your night vision scope, Yo.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:59 pm107Benjamin

anybody want to do me a favor and kill me? it’s cold and i’d like to die.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 6:02 pm108Yo² Ma²

Cheer up Ben - hot winter coming.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 6:02 pm109Jim

That would be illegal, Ben. If you go to Switzerland, or maybe Oregon, they could hook you up…
on 22 Jul 2009 at 6:04 pm110Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think I might like to die too. Another month where I don’t know how I’m going to make my house payment. If this becomes a recurring theme then I’ll eventually just have a heart attack from the stress. I’m quite sure I’m worth more to my son dead than alive anyway.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 6:10 pm111Yo² Ma²

Jim, I’ve got an old AN/PVS-2 mounted on an old rifle, I won’t give up night vision scopes.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 6:24 pm112Benjamin

yeah, people always say things are going to get better someday and it’s always darkest before the dawn…but what if they just don’t?

things are always as good as its gonna get and only getting worse.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 6:59 pm113Yo² Ma²

Nun, have you talked to your lender? Sometimes they’ll cut you some slack, they’d rather you were making payments to them, rather than them trying to spend money to reposess/sell your home.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:22 pm114anne johnson

#112 — for once I have to agree with ben. Why are people ever optimistic? Life is just one shit storm after another. I blame God.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:36 pm115Nun Ur Damned Bizness

At the risk of discussing real life bullshit and totally bumming myself out. I’ve taken a paycut and had a major reduction of hours, Yo. I doubt talking will get me anywhere but booted out because I would be over-extended on the debt to income ratio. I hope things pick up real soon.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:42 pm116Benjamin

i got it! how about we all kill ourselves in a mass blog-cult suicide? it could be our protest against all this bullshit the world is giving us.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:45 pm117Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You go first, ben. We’ll go after you.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:48 pm118Yo² Ma²

Anne, the secret is to lower your expectations from life. When I get a shit sandwich, I’m pleased to have bread.

Nun, I hope things pick up for you, too. Where’s all the ’stimulus’ money going?
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:50 pm119Yo² Ma²

After Ben’s dead, take his wallet. We’ll squander his money on some beers at TGIFriday’s or something.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:55 pm120Nun Ur Damned Bizness

ben lives in his mother’s basement so he probably has no money in his wallet. Just an old condom that is well past the expiration date.

Jews usually have a fair amount of dough. We should hunt down Unpleasant Jew, sacrifice him to God and then take his money.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:56 pm121Nun Ur Damned Bizness

And thanks, Yo. To be quite honest, I’m seriously freaking out and trying to figure out how much money I could get for my kid on the black market. I figure a fair amount since he’s actually black.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 8:05 pm122anne johnson

The economy sucks on the black market too. I was insulted by the offers I got for Teenzilla. Couldn’t get my price, even on Ebay.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 8:09 pm123Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ebay sucks right now. I can’t even get the 3 million for the fake diamond that my kid bought me. I also am a collector of all things X-Files so I have a fair amount of duplicate items but I see things not selling and when they do sell it’s for dirt cheap so I won’t even bother. I found out I have a $400.00 collector plate but again, the market is not for sellers right now.

If I saw Megan Fox walking down the street, I’d steal her and put her on Ebay. I’m sure I’d get some money for Megan Fox.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 8:31 pm124Benjamin

i’m looking through the window at the gun shop right now and lovingly eyeing a .22. That cold steel would probably taste strangely good in my mouth. too bad i’m too poor to buy it. oh well, i guess it’s toaster bubble bath for ben again.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 10:21 pm125Jim

As shitty as life is, I’m not too keen on the idea of being dead right now. Start saving for that .22 now Ben, and maybe in a few weeks you’ll be able to buy a pack of hot dogs instead. I’ve heard they’ll kill ya, too.
on 22 Jul 2009 at 10:35 pm126Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo quiero Taco Bell dog died.

I dislike Gwyneth Paltrow intensely. I hope she falls off a curb and scrapes her shiny legs all up.

And why didn’t God give me any fucking fashion sense?? Damn it!
on 22 Jul 2009 at 11:06 pm127Jim

I always thought that dog was a male. Had a masculine human voice, anyway. Hope they can squeeze a few tacos out of it.

Jeans and t-shirts are a nice fashion statement, Nun. I’d avoid flannel at all costs, though.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:33 am128Josh

Thy will be done.
Stephen Hawking will never walk again.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:40 am129Benjamin

found this is in God’s links:
http://bsnews.wordpress.com/2009/07/21/idiotic-%E2%80%98millionaire%E2%80%99-contestant-makes-worst-use-of-lifelines-ever/#comment-3

what a dumb bitch
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:27 am130linda

Hi here！If you are over 2 2 years old and still single or lonely, if you
are seeking love or friendship, you should come to*******Cougar circle.com********
to have a try ！！Im sure you will get much surprise!
on 23 Jul 2009 at 12:32 pm131Hume Cronyn

ben. go bag a cougar.
that’ll perk you up for a bit
on 23 Jul 2009 at 12:35 pm132anne johnson

#130: Whoa, poor linda is in for a mighty smite!

Ben, it would suck if you killed yourself and went to heaven and the angels told you to shut up. Best to wring what you can out of this existence.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:28 pm133Jim

At my age, the cougars are in their 70’s and 80’s. Ain’t no way in hell I’m going there.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:40 pm134God

DAMN YOU LINDA! I AM GOING TO SMITE YOU FOR THIS TRAVESTY!

My Followers are not interested in wrinkly old cunts.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:02 pm135Yo² Ma²

Sadly, the Linda Evans story is fabricated:
http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/gameshows/millionaire.asp
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:04 pm136Yo² Ma²

Err, Kathy Evans.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:52 pm137Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Everything was fabricated. That’s why it was called BS News. People sure are gullible.

For those that don’t know, those game shows don’t let the first idiot that shows up at the studio be a contestant. You have to go through an orientation type thing and if you don’t look the way they want you to or if you’re an idiot, you won’t get on.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:00 pm138Benjamin

do you remember that site Nun? I actually saw that story several years ago and it did in fact fool me at first.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:21 pm139Nun Ur Damned Bizness

A blob is terrorizing Alaska and now black oil is attacking the beaches in Texas. WTF! I won’t even mention my favorite show.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090723/ap_on_re_us/us_texas_beaches_oil

I don’t know how long that site has been around, ben. I’ve never seen it before and I noticed it only had 43 blog hits last night and all the date stamps were within the last couple of days. Did you read any of the other stories? One of them was about Rumsfeld stepping down which doesn’t jive with the date stamp. It weirded me out and kind of frightened me. That site is some kind of different dimension and will suck the soul out of you if stay too long. I stayed long enough to read all the stories hoping that it would suck my soul out. It didn’t.

I hope Smoggy’s okay. I wonder if he can see Australia from his house now.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 10:50 pm140Benjamin

yeah it looks like the stories are from several years ago. i like the name though and some of them i thought were pretty funny.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 11:15 pm141Jim

I grew up with that black oil on my feet, Nun. Every beach in Northern California had it. About 6 oil companies had refineries in the East Bay Area, and tankers came and went through the Golden gate all the time. Nobody seemed to care about the environment back then, as long as we could get gas for 24 cents a gallon.

Soul-sucking sounds mildly erotic…
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:15 am142uppity cracka

you guys are gayer than a bunch of gay jews

ben shut up and hang yourself

even a loser like you can find affordable rope
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:16 am143uppity cracka

i don’t know why i picked ‘jews’
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:38 am144Benjamin

cause you’re a white guy from Idaho that hates jews.

hanging myself is too difficult. cutting my own head off with a kitchen knife also seems kinda scary and painful. besides all the coolest people use a gun to kill themselves. except i was thinking small time, a .22 is nothing. you have to use a shotgun like Hunter Thompson and Kirk Cobain.

geez, i’m not serious cracka, i know it’s tough out there but i’ll make it. i’ll be fine, you just should focus on the robbery now. just go in there and rob’em blind.

whoa, slipped into a part from hall-baked there for a second. i’m stoned right now so i’m thinkign about that movie.

you should smoke pot before you go to work and bring youor laptop so you can talk with us all day cracka and when you need to break an arm or change a bedpan you can tell us about it. what’s it like to break someone’s arm all the way?
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:39 am145Benjamin

cause it sounds pleasant and fun
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:39 am146Benjamin

we should all smoke more pot
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:44 pm147Benjamin

where did everyone go? why is no one here anymore
on 24 Jul 2009 at 5:23 pm148Yo² Ma²

Dunno, Ben.

Life sucks, etc.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 5:31 pm149Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The Black Oil is attacking. That’s why people are few and far between.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 5:36 pm150American Psycho

God, I see your stats have reached the very high number of 4,815,162,342.

what does this mean?
on 25 Jul 2009 at 3:09 pm151Narconon Arrowhead

HAHA, this guy needs an intervention
.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 3:22 pm152Anonymous

Back away from the bong, Ben.
That hippie bullshit will make you think
re-runs of Magnum PI or Simon and Simon
are a good way to spend the afternoon.
Try some nice soothing laudanum.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 3:25 pm153Hume Cronyn

How did anonymous happen?
That was me of course.
oh I think the adobe acrobat conked out.
stupid computer
on 25 Jul 2009 at 3:41 pm154Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Adobe sucks. I hate it.

You guys ever heard of the Keddie murders?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Keddie_Murders
on 25 Jul 2009 at 6:18 pm155The L Woman

Folks, I’m sorry to know that your economy still sucks.
Here, things are ok!
I bought a new tree and it’s beautiful.
Unfortunately, my fellow Dr. Herbman was fired last week.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 6:31 pm156Jim

Leave me alone–I’m on vacation in San Francisco. And NOT the gay part.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 9:34 pm157American Psycho

what part of San Fran is that exactly? the ghetto? or is there a gay ghetto too?
on 26 Jul 2009 at 3:44 pm158Lost

4,8,15,16,23,42 are the “numbers’ from Lost
on 26 Jul 2009 at 8:15 pm159Smoggy Batzrubble

I just posted this on God’s fatties page.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlK62rjQWLk
on 26 Jul 2009 at 11:54 pm160kia a chirstian

ya know, darwin was only upset because he was mad at god cuz his family died, so he made up evolution to make god mad, but he denounced it b4 he died. so evolution is fake and is nonsense, and i doubt gos cusses. heheh. seriously though, evolution NONSENSE.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 2:50 pm161Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The economy sucks everywhere, L. The only reason it doesn’t suck there is because you guys use banana leaves for money.

Bummer about Herbman. I hope he’s okay. I’m fucked too and not in a good way.
on 16 Jan 2010 at 1:58 am162Toby

I can’t believe that you created humans in your image. No wonder we’re so stupid.

The reason why I don’t believe in you is because you let Bush get elected. I must have been a joke. He looks more than a monkey than the first guy on the evolution chart, and he threw poop over the world.

I worship satan. I saw him in a dream, and he told me the truth. You are so bored and depressed after watching Days of our lives and watching the O’reilly factor that you decided to give the devine inspiration to create Twitter. No wonder a lot of people don’t believe in you anymore…

Oh, by the way… Could you send me lots and lots of money to help me believe again?

Thanks for your custom
Amen