Stuff God Hates

#78 Sloth

Jul 7th, 2009 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
So there I was hard at work running the universe like always and as I was killing yet another celebrity I was simultaneously and silently contemplating on how much I hate laziness and procrastination and it struck me -
I HATE SLOTH IN ALL ITS MANY FORMS!

I hate that animal which is called sloth!

I hate that ghastly demon known as Sloth!

I hate laziness!

AND I ESPECIALLY HATE THAT RETARDED MUTANT FROM THE GOONIES!

Man, you don’t know how good it feels to get that off My Chest.

Posted in Sins

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145 Responses to “#78 Sloth”

on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:05 am1Jim

I’m so glad to hear you hate sloth, God. I do too. And we’re certainly not alone:

http://www.fupenguin.com/2008/12/laziest-animal-ever.html
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:12 am2Lilith

Well, God, no one can accuse you of sloth when it comes to your recent celebrity killing spree. You’ve been a busy, busy bee, haven’t you?
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:42 am3Smoggy Batzrubble

Sloth was also the eighth dwarf…he was so lazy he wouldn’t get out of bed to fuck Snow White, so Disney fired him. He was wheeled out singing:

Heigh Ho Heigh Ho
I’m big and fate and slow
My arse is lard
My cock ain’t hard
Heigh ho, Heigh ho
on 07 Jul 2009 at 4:52 am4Master Shake

Which reminds me, why isn’t Jeff Goldblum dead? Did that alien do a deal with Satanus?
on 07 Jul 2009 at 5:02 am5God

ARRGGGHH!! Jeff Goldblum is not an alien!
He’s just Jewish, you dirty anti-semite.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 5:10 am6Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I always kind of liked Sloth from The Goonies. Sorry, God. Please don’t mistake me for a celebrity and kill me.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 12:12 pm7Hume Cronyn

Speaking of lazy and killing celebrities,
why is Bret Michaels still alive, Sir?
on 07 Jul 2009 at 1:22 pm8Lilith

If we’re composing a celebrity hit list for God to strike down dead, how about Paris Hilton? Everyone seems to hate her. And if God should happen to get mixed up and take out Perez Hilton as well, I don’t think anyone would shed a tear.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 1:22 pm9Lilith

Oh yeah, and Carrot Top too. He’s freakish.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:01 pm10Benjamin

I agree, let’s talk about all the celebrities we would like to see die horribly.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:03 pm11Benjamin

Tom Brady.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:22 pm12Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Tom Brady for sure but Perez Hilton is a must. That man has done more harm to the gay rights movement than anybody else and he’s a flaming fucking homo!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:25 pm13Nun Ur Damned Bizness

And why is Perez Hilton a fucking celebrity anyway? Same goes for Paris Hilton and Heidi and Spencer. Smite them all with horrible cancer of their private parts, God!

I’d rather live with aliens than any of those mortals.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:28 pm14anne johnson

Teenzilla told me that sloths are so lazy, if their babies drop out of the tree, they won’t even climb down to pick them back up again. Oh, how I wish I was a sloth!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:53 pm15Jim

We can place our bets at http://www.stiffs.com/ My money is still on Nancy Reagan.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:14 pm16uppity cracka

dick cheney.

period.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:25 pm17Lilith

Supported. Did you see the Bizarro cartoon the other day, showing Satan wearing a t-shirt with the logo: WWCD — What Would Cheney Do?
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:27 pm18uppity cracka

who’s the laziest celebrity?

probably the next to go down.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:35 pm19Hume Cronyn

Lord, I humbly beseech you to
strike down
the Madden brothers.
Please. In a horrible explosion.
And Kim Kardashian.
Make her drown.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:39 pm20Hume Cronyn

Also, Madonna.
At the very least, get all Christopher Reeve
on her ass.
She rides horses.
You know you want to, Sir.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:56 pm21Bei Shen

I don’t care too much for couples who use surrogate mothers.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:58 pm22Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What does surrogacy have to do with Madonna? Madonna likes to go to poor black countries and steal their little black babies… oh, I’m sorry… she buys little black babies.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 4:14 pm23Lilith

So Bei, I guess Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick would be on your hit list? They just had twins through surrogacy.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 4:41 pm24Nun Ur Damned Bizness

They had to use a surrogate, Lilith. Otherwise they took the risk of creating ponies and not children.

http://stuffgodhates.com/2008/06/27-sex-and-the-city/
on 07 Jul 2009 at 4:48 pm25Lilith

Yes, that’s true. Sarah Jessica Parker has always had a rather equine visage, shall we say.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 4:55 pm26Nun Ur Damned Bizness

She has a horse face with horse teeth.

Plus she’s barren like the Sahara desert.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 5:15 pm27Lilith

You know who really has ugly horse teeth? Gary Busey. I hope he hasn’t reproduced either.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 5:15 pm28Bei Shen

Why cosmetic companies use her to promote their products is really beyond me. I went to Macy’s the other day and saw her face and I thought to myself I haven’t been to the track lately.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 5:44 pm29Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I can’t really look at chicks and decide whether they’re hot or not as I’m not a lesbian but I can look at Sarah Jessica Parker and know that she looks like a horse.

I think Gary Busey did breed… I think Jake Busey is his offspring… he was in Contact with Jodie Foster and that fuckable cutie Matthew McConaughey.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 5:45 pm30Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Queen Manatee is at Michael Jackson’ memorial.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:04 pm31American Psycho

I notice that your post on sloth is quite short God. It seems like you’re getting a bit lazy yourself.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:16 pm32Jim

At least most of Gary Busey’s stupidity was visited upon him by accident, so hopefully his offspring won’t be similarly afflicted.

Speaking of stupid, what’s a Queen Manatee? I’ve heard of gay fish, but never gay manatees.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:26 pm33uppity cracka

freakin’ noobs

http://stuffgodhates.com/2009/02/64-queen-latifah/
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:28 pm34Jim

Thanks for the education, Cracka. I thought it was just because I’m ignorant of all things related to Michael Jackson, but it turns out that I’m ignorant of Stuff God Hates, as well.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:36 pm35anne johnson

Queen Manatee and “women on top” were what convinced me not to look up SGH at school.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:52 pm36Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Al Sharpton and Brooke Shields just made me have a feeling! Damn them! DAMN THEM BOTH!!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 6:58 pm37Bei Shen

I wonder in the future which MJ’s photos they will use when talking about him? A blackie as in Thriller; a half-and-half as in Dirty Dianna; or a caucasion as in anything after 2002?

I wish I could dance like him.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:13 pm38Benjamin

hey God, I hate the sloth from Goonies too. Kids used to make fun of me in school and call me sloth because of that movie.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:16 pm39anne johnson

Nun! Turn it off! Is it lunchtime where you are? Go outside! Find a construction site and play with the carpenters!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:16 pm40anne johnson

If I watch MJ’s funeral, I’ll have to miss Dr. Phil. No fuckin way that happens.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:49 pm41uppity cracka

shut up, sloth.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:52 pm42Hume Cronyn

Because I’m dead, I’m dead, really really dead.
And the whole world has to answer
right now
because I tell you once again:
Who’s dead?
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:54 pm43Jim

Ben got slothed.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 7:55 pm44Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ll watch Michael Jackson’s memorial but I’d rather die than watch Dr. Phil.

Funny how Michael Jackson’s older boy is much darker than any picture would ever lead us to believe. Fucking media.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:04 pm45anne johnson

You don’t like Dr. Phil? It’s so funny to see fucked-up people get bad advice. If we went on there as a group, he would tell Smoggy to stop fucking sheep. He would tell Cracka to believe in God. He would tell Ben to demand better treatment from us….

Never mind.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:09 pm46Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I cannot stand Dr. Phil, Anne. I hope God smites him soon.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:14 pm47uppity cracka

fuck dr. phil. fuck him.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:15 pm48Hume Cronyn

Indeed, Nun.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:15 pm49Hume Cronyn

Ibid, cracka
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:18 pm50Hume Cronyn

also, fuck mariah carey -
i loathe that cunt
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:26 pm51Lilith

I think there should be a cross-over show where Dr. Phil counsels Jon and Kate and saves their marriage. He could totally do it. Oh, those poor 8 little kids!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:36 pm52Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope God smites Jon and Kate too. Those fuckers got what they deserved but their children sure didn’t… unless they were complete monsters in a past life.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:37 pm53Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I too hate Mariah Carey. I hope her vagina falls out.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:45 pm54uppity cracka

then your vagina would have someone to talk to!!!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:47 pm55Nun Ur Damned Bizness

My vagina doesn’t forsake me, you fucking bonehead.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:51 pm56uppity cracka

nun’s vagina and mariah’s vagina walking, no—slithering, hand in hand…staring into each other’s unblinking eye. it’s kind of romantic. if you can stand the smell.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:56 pm57Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I would stomp on Mariah’s vagina before it got anywhere near mine. I’m sure her vagina is a terrible influence, plus it’s got a social disease.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 8:57 pm58Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Michael Jackson’s little daughter gave me a feeling. I’d damn her but that’s kind of cold-hearted so I’ll take my resentment out on ben… damn you, ben! DAMN YOU!!
on 07 Jul 2009 at 9:10 pm59uppity cracka

fucking ben. fuck.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 9:25 pm60Bei Shen

I think Kate is kinda hot. In a very unnatural way.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 9:29 pm61uppity cracka

maybe you should kill yourself, bei.

at least consider it…mull it over.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 9:36 pm62Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Like I said before, I ain’t no carpet muncher but I know Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse, Gillian Anderson is pretty and Kate Goosewoman is fucking ugly. And what the fuck did she do to her hair??
on 07 Jul 2009 at 9:41 pm63Benjamin

yeah fuck ben! i hate anyone named ben! what a stupid name for stupid bastards
on 07 Jul 2009 at 10:10 pm64anne johnson

Yeah, that Ben Franklin was a retard.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 10:12 pm65uppity cracka

i’ve munched plenty of carpet and i think bei should perform a little seppuku when he gets home.

i should know, like i said, i’ve munched plenty of carpet.

qualified the hell out of that opinion, didn’t i?
on 07 Jul 2009 at 10:20 pm66Hume Cronyn

yes. pussy is good.
also, ben franklin.
on 07 Jul 2009 at 10:53 pm67Benjamin

His name was BENJAMIN Franklin, and he loved to munch bush.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 12:20 am68anne johnson

Ben or Benjamin, he was anything but retarded. Horny, yes. Stupid, no.

I would have fucked him. I like smart dudes.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 12:20 am69anne johnson

Time to go find Mr. Johnson. Oh, Honnnnnnneyyyyyy!
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:52 am70Josh

Nun,
this link is for you:

http://www.cityrag.com/main/2009/07/nuns-gotta-love-em.html
on 08 Jul 2009 at 2:27 am71Benjamin

This is the hottest Nun ever:
http://www.manofest.com/Galleries/Funny/20-Extremely-Un-Catholic-Nun-Photos/20-Extremely-Un-Catholic-Nun-Photos-3334.html
on 08 Jul 2009 at 12:59 pm72Yo Yo Ma Ma

Well, I’m back. As I told God, my father passed away suddenly last week, so I’ve been taking care of other things. Sorry to bring the house down.

Yo Yo
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:17 pm73Josh

my condolences.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:20 pm74Yo Yo Ma Ma

Thanks, Josh. It was sudden, unexpected. I feel like I’ve been walking underwater.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:27 pm75Lilith

Sorry to hear your news, Yo Yo. ((hug)) [if that's not too mushy for this site]
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:30 pm76Yo Yo Ma Ma

Awww, thanks Lillith
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:36 pm77Jim

Sorry to hear that, Yo. Hard ride…
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:41 pm78Yo Yo Ma Ma

Thanks, Jim.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 1:49 pm79Yo Yo Ma Ma

A little about my Dad:
He was a great mechanic, I count the time we worked on my old cars as precious.
He could build anything out of wood.
He taught himself how to carve, and ground his own carving knives.
When he was teenager, he was learning to fly.
He literally built the home we grew up in himself. (Lazy friends and not many relatives who could help)
He built our house the summer I was born, the day I was borm was the only day he took off.
He loved to fish and hunt.
He was in the Marines during the Korean Conflict. We learned not to ask him about it. We also learned that if Daddy was asleep and we need him awake, to tap him on the shoe and step away.
He wasn’t a saint - he yelled at us kids, and drank a bit too much for Mom’s liking.
He took us camping.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 2:07 pm80Benjamin

all in all he sounds like a good guy Yo. my condolences
on 08 Jul 2009 at 2:09 pm81anne johnson

I know how you feel, Yo. It’s been almost five years since my dad left me. Before or since, I’ve never met a better man.

I hope we’ll cheer you up by pecking away at each other here, as we occasionally do.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 2:14 pm82anne johnson

Everybody say or link something to cheer Yo Yo up!

This is a favorite in the Johnson household.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMWi7CLoZ2Q
on 08 Jul 2009 at 2:26 pm83Yo Yo Ma Ma

Dad had a horrible fear of having a stroke and ending up a burden on the family. He passed away quickly, I guess that’s a blessing. I didn’t lose it until I went into his workshop and saw some tools he’d laid out for a project that morning.

My family and I had gone up to visit a few weeks before, I’d made some light hearted plans about coming up for his birthday, and perhaps getting the other kids home (they’re all scattered across the country).

Anne, funny video! Thanks!
on 08 Jul 2009 at 2:41 pm84Jim

This kitteh needs to get a fucking job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYarjPDfY2w&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fandrewsullivan.theatlantic.com%2Fthe_daily_dish%2F&feature=player_embedded
on 08 Jul 2009 at 3:00 pm85Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ben, yes, he was a great guy! Of course, I didn’t think so when I was a kid, but once I grew up, I got smarter.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 3:17 pm86Belle

It’s not as if I didn’t already suspect it…but now it’s confirmed, I’m officially doomed.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 3:34 pm87Bei Shen

He sounds like a GREAT man, Yo2Ma2. Sorry for your loss. I know I’m going to buy my old man a few rounds next time I see him.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 3:40 pm88Yo Yo Ma Ma

Thanks, Bei. Yes, take your old man out as soon as you can. Tell him stuff. You never know when you’ll lose the chance.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 3:41 pm89Yo² Ma²

Belle, who are you, and why are you doomed?
on 08 Jul 2009 at 3:45 pm90Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Belle must be lazy or a sloth capable of using the internet.

My dad is already dead. I never knew him. I knew a big, fat preacher man who used to beat my ass on a daily basis. Anderson Cooper said last night that a fatherless child thinks anything is possible and nothing is safe. Maybe that’s true… I certainly don’t believe anything is safe. Anyway, you have my deepest condolences, Yo. Take comfort that you’re not an 11 year old girl who must now share her grief with the world over and over and over and over again.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:03 pm91Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HA!!

http://www.cracked.com/article_17159_6-evil-henchmen-who-sucked-at-their-job.html

Fucking Ewoks! I despise the Ewoks. I despised them then and I despise them now.

Obviously the author of that article did not pay very much attention while watching Return of the King though.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:17 pm92anne johnson

My dad was in an Alzheimer’s unit for 6 months before he died. He broke his hip and had Parkinson’s Disease. He was 175 miles away, but I drove to see him as often as I could. Those morons at the home had him on a low-calorie diet (WTF???), so I would go out and get him Big Macs and fries and banana splits. My sister said, “You’ll kill him.” WTF! So he lives an extra two months if he only eats soggy broccoli?

My dad loved his job.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgusWJ-LU_k

But I think it gave him Parkinson’s Disease.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:19 pm93anne johnson

I know what you mean about the tools, Yo. I still have that mortar and pestle Dad uses in the clip. The chemical residue makes a good compliment to ground-up spices.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:22 pm94Jim

I can see why you are turned on by the smart guys, Anne.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:30 pm95Nun Ur Damned Bizness

“The chemical residue makes a good compliment to ground-up spices.”

Maybe that’s why you see unicorns and faeries, Anne. I wonder what chemicals my ma is taking to see dragons.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:40 pm96anne johnson

I see faeries because they’re there. Unicorns only reveal themselves to virgins, so I haven’t seen one of them in a hell of a long time.

I keep asking Train Wreck and Teenzilla: “Seen any good unicorns lately?” It’s how I keep track of certain activities.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:40 pm97anne johnson

I claim
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:41 pm98anne johnson

this quickening
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:41 pm99anne johnson

for our dear friend who needs it….
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:42 pm100anne johnson

Yo Yo Ma Ma!

Waste not, want not, Yo!
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:43 pm101anne johnson

You gonna take this one from me, God All Flighty?
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:53 pm102Yo² Ma²

God is Good, and Merciful. I’m sure He won’t mess with it, Anne.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 4:56 pm103Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Do dragons live on the same plane as faeries because my mother has my son seeing them now and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I don’t want any religion pushed on him and that includes paganism.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:07 pm104Jim

I think dragons live on the same plane as those snakes, Nun.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:13 pm105Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The mother fucking dragons on a mother fucking plane with mother fucking snakes.

That mother fucking plane, Jim?
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:24 pm106Yo² Ma²

Where’s Cracka? I bet he’s seen snakes on a plane before.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:43 pm107Jim

Yes, Nun–THAT motherfucking plane. Faeries, being smaller, might live on Sarah Palin’s seaplane.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:47 pm108anne johnson

How old is your boy, Nun? Most boys go through a dragon phase. If you don’t want him to believe in dragons, just tell him that “dragons” were how ancient people explained great big dinosaur bones that they found.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:48 pm109anne johnson

Cracka’s too busy looking for the snake in his shorts to see any on a plane.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:51 pm110Yo² Ma²

Ah, the One Eyed Pants Python.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:55 pm111Nun Ur Damned Bizness

My boy is 10. She has dragons that live in her house. She has my son convinced that he sees a couple of them. Or maybe he actually does see them. I don’t fucking know. I’m just agitated and irritated by life in general and I question whether I should even let my mother anywhere near my son since she did such a piss-poor job with her own kids.

Can somebody go say something, anything, on the freedom post? The last comment is my crack about black men and child support and I’d rather not have it the last fucking comment.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 5:55 pm112Jim

Here’s a very touching Father/Son story:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/breakingnews/orl-bk-tattooed-woman-killed-070709,0,5600568.story?fark
on 08 Jul 2009 at 7:09 pm113anne johnson

#111: You mean the democracy post? The last comment there is about Ellen Degeneres’ mullet. At least that’s as far as I got.

Don’t worry about your mom, Nun. People always treat their grandchildren better than they treated their children. My mom never tried to kill Train Wreck or Teenzilla. Then again, I don’t think I ever let them be alone with her.

As long as LL is happy at Granny’s, I wouldn’t worry about the dragons. From my experience, dragons don’t care to relocate, so they probably won’t come home with him.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:00 pm114Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yes, the democracy post and no, Ellen Degeneres’ mullet is not the last comment there, I wouldn’t mind if it was.

I’ve already had issues with one of these dragons wanting to come home with my son. I told him to leave. My mother said I probably hurt his feelings. FUCK! Honestly, people can believe what they want and I won’t discount something just because I don’t believe in it but at the same time, I don’t particularly care to tell a dragon in my back yard that he’s not welcome in my home.

I’m full of rage. I should go kill somebody.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:03 pm115Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Damn. Why bitches gotta be so crazy?

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-mcnairkilled&prov=ap&type=lgns
on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:23 pm116Bloodvork

I only see a dragon when I turn around by a mirror.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:38 pm117Jim

#115 Gotta be that jungle fever, innit?
on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:43 pm118anne johnson

The quickest way to get a middlin’ age kid over anything is to pretend you just LOVE it. Tell Son he can have a whole army of dragons, loads of them!

Speaking of dragons, one lonely groundhog has eaten every clover blossom in my neighbors’ yard, in just one afternoon. I’d rather have a dragon.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:59 pm119Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jungle fever is racist, Jim. You’re racist!!

Believe me, Anne, I know how to manipulate my son. I’ve been doing it for 10 years, all while I withheld my love for him. However, no amount of manipulation will ever turn a young boy off of dragons. They’re fucking dragons. I think you might have popped too many pills before you thought that.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:05 pm120Jim

Maybe so, but only on God’s Divine Blog.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:07 pm121anne johnson

Well … ahem … I do have a dragon named Big Red who is very dear to me. He lives in my nightstand except when he comes out to be my sidekick at fairy festivals.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:07 pm122anne johnson

I rescued Big Red from the dragon shelter just before they were going to lop off his head with a golden sword.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:08 pm123anne johnson

He’s not a purebred dragon. He has plastic wings.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:14 pm124Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m racist against God’s darkies all the time… unless they’re in my bed.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:19 pm125Lilith

# 118 — “one lonely groundhog has eaten every clover blossom in my neighbours’ yard, in just one afternoon” — so THAT’S where Ben has been!
on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:28 pm126Benjamin

Totally.
on 08 Jul 2009 at 11:07 pm127Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope Mr. McGregor gets ben with the garden hoe.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 12:11 am128Hume Cronyn

ben gets a lot of hoes
on 09 Jul 2009 at 12:12 am129Hume Cronyn

* misspell -
(I meant: ben gets a lot of hose.)
on 09 Jul 2009 at 12:42 am130anne johnson

Ben, that’s not a groundhog in your profile pic. It’s a prairie dog with bullets around its shoulders. I found the same pic on my hard drive. Teenzilla must have downloaded it. FWIW, I liked the other rodent better, the one from the YouTube video.

And trust me, if it was you splayed out in my neighbor’s yard all afternoon, you wouldn’t admit to being that fat. Groundhogs are more slothy than sloths.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 1:49 am131uppity cracka

sorry to hear about your dad, yoyo.

well, it’s finally happened. the evil IT bastards at my work blocked God’s Divine Website. since i do 90% of my glorious blogging from work i will be commenting much less often. there are ways around it, sure. but i’m not sure it’s worth getting fired over. haven’t decided yet. first smoggy, now me. fuckers.

nun’s a whore.
yoyo’s old.
johnson is delusional.
josh-crack is whack.
shut up, ben. really, just shut up.

basically fondue.

said.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 2:04 am132Benjamin

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
on 09 Jul 2009 at 4:13 am133Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That does indeed suck, Sir Cracka. You won’t be here to tell us we’re talking about boring shit and demean us with your pompous white-man attitude. Funny how that really does suck.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 12:41 pm134anne johnson

Ah, who cares? We won’t miss you, ya cranky dickless wonder.

I too will be self-blocking when I return to school on 9/1. It’s a credit to God that his site is so noxious that companies are blocking it.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 2:26 pm135Yo² Ma²

Cracka, thanks for the condolences - it’s been rough.

Make friends with one of the I/T guys. Ply him with Mountain Dew, Pepsi, and tasteful pictures of Nun and Anne wearing pleather, and tickets to the local sports franchise.

Then see if he’ll open up this one site for you.

Failing that, do you use a laptop with wireless conenction? Can you get a signal from another site?

Or try the translation feature on altavista babelfish. Enter this web page to translate into English. Worth a shot.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 2:33 pm136Jim

Worthless IT bastards! When I was still in the worker bee/slave class (ie employed) they installed some crap program called WebSense, and it blocked anything related to religion, sex, sports, or auction sites. By the time my regional manager got done singling me out, I couldn’t even check my web-based email. Evil, fat bulldyke manager!

That sucks, Cracka…
on 09 Jul 2009 at 2:34 pm137Benjamin

shutup, cracka. shutup forever
on 09 Jul 2009 at 3:32 pm138Lilith

Your unibrow will be missed around here, Cracka. At least during the day. We’ll just have to wait for your after-hours ranting.
on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:21 pm139Nun Ur Damned Bizness

shut up, ben. Just. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Somebody had to say it.
.
.
I hope my place of employment is still in business by September 1st. We made a profit last month so I guess laying all those guys off and taking a pay cut and all those reduced hours worked out. It still sucks some major asshole though. We’ve got a lot of guys on unemployment right now and it sucks to see the statement come in.
on 10 Jul 2009 at 12:58 am140Hume Cronyn

beer
on 10 Jul 2009 at 5:15 pm141Dr. Herbman

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on 10 Jul 2009 at 8:10 pm142Yo² Ma²

Lerbwoman! Long time no smoke!
on 22 Jul 2009 at 5:58 am143meancookie89

man ur just nasty in general …. u made the platypus and even the gross cockroach but then u had the nerve to make a whole mess of nasty critters and now u supposedly “hate them” well i dont but it!
on 23 Jul 2009 at 8:31 am144linda

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on 31 Jul 2011 at 10:10 pm145Monroe Battistini

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