Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
DAMN ALIENS! DIE! DIE! DIE!
WHEW! Killing aliens is tiring work. I tell you mortals, I’ve absolutely been in-the-zone killing those nasty buggers as of late.
Did I mention I, The Almighty LORD, hate aliens? No? Well I do! I FRIGGING HATE ALIENS!
Aliens are actually nothing but the devil’s minions operating from far distant bases spread throughout My Universe. Satan uses his mind-powers to shield many of them from My View. They are yet another adversary I must face in the ongoing war for mankind going on between the armies of Me and Satan.
Aliens are put into the universe by Satan to sexually molest and enslave the human race. THIS I WILL NOT ALLOW!
And so I assassinated the leader of the alien forces on Earth last week when I killed “Michael Jackson.” No more shall that alien bastard beguile the masses with his psi-ren pop-songs. No more shall Jackson molest little boys or make them fondle his dirty alien balls. DIE ALIEN SCUM!
Another alien I killed last week was TV pitchman and secret alien “Billy Mays.” Mays sold many gullible humans millions of alien spying devices disguised as useful and enticing products. I struck him down, effectively ending the alien spying program on Earth. ALL THANKS BE TO ME!
Farrah Fawcett, who also died last week, was not an alien. But she was a woman, who was way too into anal, and so I smote her with bowel cancer. SMOTE!
Although I have killed many aliens lately, do not think that I am done. There are plenty more secret aliens hiding in your world, and I shall not rest until they are all dead or exposed. Take Mahmoud Ackjimminyjihad, the ruler of Iran. He’s an alien sent by Satan to wipe out My Jews.
He’s #2 on My List of secret aliens to kill, right after Miley Cyrus.
Foppl's Siege Party on 
Ben on 
Nun Ur Damned Bizness on 
Milford on 
hmph on 
Naytheist on 
NO FUCKIN’ WAY! Awesome, God! As you know, I dwell right on the edge of Area 51, and without eternal vigilance, those anal-probing fuckers would be ALL up in my ass!
Grateful for all you do, your servant Jim
Dear All-Knowing God and Lord Almighty, according to the Scientologists, it seems that you missed killing one alien: that dirty thetan-making alien Xenu is still around but trapped in some sort of statis machine that’s powered by D-batteries that never run out of juice or something.
When are you going to kill Xenu so Scientologists can never fear Xenu’s second coming?
Hell yeah!! Why does that bastard get the good batteries?
I can’t even use my flash light for ten minutes.
Now you be nice God….I saw you tapping your foot to Billie Jean…
Awesome work God.
I think Tom Cruise, Rosie O’Donnel, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and anyone who’s ever performed as a mime are also aliens.
Whack them…Whack them all
God said: “Aliens are put into the universe by Satan to sexually molest and enslave the human race.”
That was in The X-Files. Chris Carter must be some kind of genius seer of the future… it would certainly explain the hair.
shut up about the God damn x files already.
“dirty alien balls” heh.
Aliens did make me frisky once again
a few years back;
balled Tandy so much she ruptured
a disc.
Hume–if by Tandy you mean Jessica, you ARE old.
Or just a perv.
Old, alien taint…
I still got it.
leave miley cyrus alone. she’s just a girl trying to make money for her dad because he cant do it on his own anymore.
best regards,
-Unpleas
Come on cracka, it finally makes sense to talk about the X-Files.
How about that Bernie Madoff? He might not be an alien, but he sure as hell alienated a lot of people from their money; money that God would have liked to eat…
Cracka doesn’t have anything intelligent or constructive to add so he bitches. Most of us have grown used to it and we just chuckle when he bitches about the topics up for discussion but can’t add anything of value.
Was Gail Storm an alien too, God?
lol, hehehe. you still got it Nun.
As much as I loved Billy Mays and have filled my house with his fantastic products, I have to wonder if he was not, indeed, an alien. The newspaper interviewed his X-wife (not files) and she said he was a wonderful husband, father, and all-around nice guy. And yet they were divorced.
But why Billy and not that creeper that sells ShamWows? There’s an alien, I tell you!
Chuckles said: “you still got it Nun.”
NO!! I took penicillin and got rid of that!
hehehe, lol. hohoho hehehehe
I. AM. NOT. A. HO!!!!
hmmm…maybe you’re right ben.
i can’t believe i just said that.
what about the x files, nun? were there aliens on that show?
Maybe if Billy Mays had received a Divine Quickening or two they’d have still been married, Anne.
hehehe, lol small penis hahahaha lol
I feel bad for Michael Jackson… he bred with a mortal and created these alien-human hybrids that he then tried to keep sheltered from the public. Well, he’s dead now, done in by a violent alien smite from God and people are starting to cash in on these alien-human hybrids.
http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/michael_jackson_family_photos#45349
People can say what they want but that little boy alien-human hybrid looks like his father. Obviously he got the alien hair.
Not so fast, Nun. Story going around that Deborah Rowe says she was artificially inseminated with–get this–McCaulay Culkin’s sperm!
This could end badly.
tee-hee hahaha
There’s a lot of things being said about this particular alien, Jim. It’s people jumping on the bandwagon trying to get their 15 minutes of alien fame.
Michael jackson is not dead…
he´s back to his planet.
and im back to heaven now!!
wazzuup.
michael jackson is not dead…
i gave him a so powerfull weed, that he fly back to his planet.
and im back fuckers!!
sorry abotu the “fuckers”, suckers!!!
UAIHAuiha
Well, it could help ’splain why the kids are so fair-skinned…
My son is fair-skinned but I can assure you that his father is a fucking lazy ass negro. It’s one of the reasons I’m so irritated by the ignorance related to mixed race children.
Which is exactly why I made that comment…
My son is not an alien-human hybrid!!
Damn you, Jim! DAMN YOU!! 
whore is in rare form today.
In the secret lab where I spent most of my life, I met quite a few aliens. They seem like real stand-up guys.
That’s because they’re working for Satan, Bloodvork. You have to be a stand-up guy when you work for Satan unless you want your rectum violated on a daily basis by Satan’s mammoth cock.
Get it? Stand-up? Get it? HAHAHA! I crack myself up.
I’m just wondering why God saw fit to illustrate this post with another portrait of Sarah Palin.
I was going to tell Anne that it’s not very nice to insult the aliens like that and then I realized one of those aliens is one of the alien dolls from The X-Files movie Fight the Future. Take that, Cracka.
Um, I was going to ask which one of us here at “Stuff” was most likely to be an alien???
I don’t think I’d mind being an alien because it would explain the fundamental differences between me and my blood relations but alas, I don’t believe I’m an alien after all.
I’m also a piss-poor X-Files fan for not recognizing that alien from the beginning. I suck.
Bloodvork might be a good candidate for being a resident alien. At the very least, he’s genetically engineered. I think it would be very believable that alien DNA was used in his engineering.
hehehe nun’s an alien hahaha
and ben is retarded.
the fuck i do?!
she’s saying that you’re chuckles, ben.
it fits.
I think Bridgette is the alien.
Hume may be animated by alien technology. And Smoggy’s trying to create an alien-sheep hybrid.
No, Bridgette is way to typical to be an alien. Aren’t aliens supposed to be slightly beyond normal?
Is worshipping an imaginary ghost in the sky normal?
God’s going to shoot you with His Divine Shotgun, Foppl.
Yeah, well imaginary beings have notoriously poor aim.
hahaha, anne is one of those people that doesn’t know the difference between ‘to’ and ‘too’ hahahaha
comedy gold!!!
whoever said laughter is contagious never met chuckles.
I am the result of genetic recombination between an anteater and a vampire. That’s pretty much it.
I’ve heard tell that anteaters are indeed aliens so there you go, Bloodvork.
Where the fuck is Yo Yo?
hahaha! anteaters are aliens! lmao!
Nun #32: Sez YOU…
Had to run out for my physical torture session. Always makes me happy.
heeheeehee!! physical torture! heeheehehee!!
it’s no fun being an illegal alien
unless you piss off rush limbaugh
in doing so
Jim,
Did you get a boner for sick-titty chick?
rush limbaugh is fat
jim, please tell me you weren’t wearing sweat pants when you popped that boner.
No boner-inducing members of the female gender, alien or human, were present at my therapy session.
Damn it.
What’s the fucking point of therapy if there’s no sick chicks to get boners for?
They suckered me in by producing one doubly smoten hot chick in a wheelchair, who even I could probably catch. First one’s free.
That’s my theory, anyway.
Shenanigans!!
Those fucking manipulative bastards!! 
God,
Please smite California by making it fall into the ocean and sinking. Please make sure Schwarzenegger sinks with it. Amen.
That would give me beachfront property, Nun!
I still get my pension check from California, so I have mixed feelings about that…
this number can be good or bad…depending on who’s sitting on your face.
69 is the best number in the world. I don’t engage in oral sex with fatties but obviously Cracka does.
You won’t get a pension check soon, Jim. You’ll get an IOU. Vote for the immersion of California in God’s great ocean of death and doom.
hahaha! 69! LMFAO!
Ben is Chuckles. Said.
Word.
Poor ben, so stupid.
shut up, chuckles.
hahaha, ben is stupid hahahahaha
ROFLMFAO!
on the bright side, nun finally has someone to tell her she’s funny.
teeheeheeeheehehehehohohoHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU SHOULD ALL BE COMEDIANS GODDAMN!! you people are fucking slaying me!
poop. BWAAHAHAHAHAHAH! now i made myself laugh!
I don’t need a moron to say I’m funny, Cracka. It’s why I’ve never cared that ben is too slow to grasp humor that isn’t spelled out for him.
The only time I confuse my motherfucking homophones is when I have two daughters in recovery simultaneously. Both Teenzilla and Train Wreck had their wisdom teeth yanked today. They won’t miss them, since neither one was wise anyway.
too = Chuckles is too stupid for words.
to = Send Chuckles to hell.
two = How many it takes to tango.
hahaha! spelled out!! brilliant!
At least Chuckles is a shapeshifter and provides some visual interest. Otherwise he’d be fucking annoying.
Anne, did you hear about the Last Unicorn on Earth? It was buttery and delicious.
(Okay, so that wasn’t the best joke in the world, but it’s all I got today. All I got! And even then I had to steal it from Yellowdog Granny’s blog).
I want to know how many Michael Jackson jokes you folks have heard. I don’t want to know which ones, just the raw numbers please.
Thanks.
hahhaha! michael jackson is dead! that’s funny! hahaha!
Yeah but what happened with Jeff Goldblum? Wasn’t he supposed to die in some so-called ‘accident’ near where Smoggy lives? I’m convinced Jeff Goldblum is an alien. Just look at him. Isn’t it absolutely fucking obvious?
shake, you’re a talking cup.
i killed goldbloom
goldbloom an alien! a jewish alien! bwahahahahoohoo!
I saw Goldblum on Colbert’s show last night, lamenting his own demise. That was classy.
Goldblum is fucking a 21 year old. I doubt he’ll be too bothered for too long.
maybe hitler was aiming for goldblum’s ancestors? it’s only offensive if it turns out i’m wrong; which you can’t necessarily prove…it’s like religion.
Have we heard one single word from Michael Jackson regarding HIS death? No?
I rest my case. Whatever it was…
we might have gotten this hitler guy all wrong. what if he was trying to do humanity the biggest favor since the horticultural domestication of marijuana? i’m going to print off some ‘hitler was right’ t shirts to spread my new found message.
Michael Jackson dying sucks. I had no idea it would until he did.
Shut up, Cracka.
hitler was right! hahaha! hitler was cool! hehehehe!
Fuck!
That was supposed to be for anybody but ben. Cracka, you mother fucker… why didn’t you post??
i was pulled away from my ‘puter by work. i hate work.
Jackson’s life had no impact on my life, neither does his death. Never met the guy, never bought any of his shit, and maybe more importantly, I never dated women who owned his shit, either.
I went to a mostly black high school when Thriller came out. You do the math.
hahaha! she wanted black dick! so she had to like thriller!! hahahahahaha!
I went to a mostly white high school when the Four Tops, Temptations, Lou Rawls, et al were hugely popular. Of course so were the Beatles, Jefferson Airplane and the Grateful Dead. To say we were confused would be a gross understatement.
I teach in a minority school with people whose skin shades run right across the rainbow. I’ve never heard anything but contempt there regarding Michael Jackson. My students think he was retarded for wanting to change his appearance so much.
nun went to a mostly black school…that’s why she needs you to do the math for her, jim.
one, two, three…hahaha!!! four, five, six—-a million black dicks!!!
Michael Jackson was very important to young blacks. We had at least three students with the red leather jacket and one who wore it everyday in addition to silver socks and the glove. Basically, he was Michael everyday but he used too much jheri juice so you never wanted to sit in a seat after him.
I’m all for irreverent humor and I’m usually the first one to make fun of the dead but for some reason, I just can’t do it with Michael Jackson.
MJ was the same age as me, and all us white girls thought he was cute when he was black. I began to be alarmed around the time of “Thriller,” when the nose jobs became apparent. For the past ten years I’ve physically recoiled every time I’ve seen a picture of him. God is right. The dude might not have been born an alien, but he got into alien clutches.
But that does not explain Billy Mays.
I never liked the plastic surgery either, Anne but the man was told over and over again that he was ugly by his father. It doesn’t surprise me that he would try to change what he thought made him ugly. I too thought he was a handsome young black man and would have totally fucked him.
It also looks like he did have that blotchy skin disease but chose to fight it by bleaching his skin so he was not blotchy. I had never believed that he actually had that disease so I feel kind of ignorant now.
i think i’ve settled on a name for my noise band:
meat department
i know, it has nothing to do with ninjas. sorry.
The only area in Seattle that I remember having a lot of blacks is Beacon Hill. Did you go to high school there, Nun?
I had Michael Jackson’s red leather jacket back then (got it from a swap meet.) Lucky I was big and tough otherwise I would have gotten beat up real bad.
Hey, Cracka. Not that I want to encourage you, but if you get a CD together for meat department, and it’s sufficiently incomprehensible, my daughter Train Wreck will play it on her radio show. Be forewarned, this is a chick who thinks Zappa is tame.
there’s a reason it’s called noisecore, johnson.
meat department: big in japan
track 1 - dead is better
track 2 - oops, you’re dead
track 3 - fucking a corpse
track 4 - dead meat
track 5 - dragging a dead body through the woods on a moonless night
that should do it. now, to locate some no talent kids who are willing to wear nothing but gas masks on stage.
Train Wreck dragged me to a concert last fall by the Residents. The show was 90 minutes of a guy shouting at the top of his lungs while wearing a dirty full-body furry bunny suit. The “band” all wore ……..
…… *gasp*
alien costumes.
My daughter is an alien! Explains everything.
it’s hard to scream for 90 minutes.
it’s also hard to get a bunny costume dry cleaned.
Supported. Only the costume was filthy. It had never been cleaned. And the dude was in his 60s, if not 70. The Residents have been around since the late 60s. Snakefinger worked with them for awhile.
You should have seen the audience at that concert. Most of the people looked like they hadn’t been out of the basement for a long, long time.
Train Wreck cultivates that “living in the basement” look, even though she actually lives in the attic.
if you’ve got a decent internet connection and all the pizza rolls you can eat, why leave the basement? sometimes i think i missed my calling. maybe my parents will let me move back in.
BAH! God’s Divine Blog is no place for Cracka to be talking about basement living and pizza rolls!! Only discuss what I deem appropriate!
.
.
See how stupid that is, Cracka? We expect such stupidity from ben but not from you. You are expected to be bigoted and self-absorbed but you shouldn’t be a whiny pussy bitch.
Maybe it’s just me, but the pizza rolls part sounded good.
i guess nun doesn’t much care for pizza rolls.
Pepperoni is the best, followed by three cheese. Dammit, Cracka! How am I going to keep my girlish figure if all you talk about is pizza rolls?
I’ve been gone for the last day, what did i miss? I don’t feel like reading through this thread.
#124: Anyone want to catch ben up on what we’ve been chatting about?
#125 - No. It’s not like he’d understand any of it anyway.
bitch.
pussy
Ben is back, Chuckles the Douche is gone.
It’s a wonder…
You know what I like about this thread? Short and to the point. I just checked out one of those feminist Pagan sites, and they were trashing classic movies “made by the patriarchy.” Every comment was an essay.
I say fuck that. Let’s just insult each other and move on.
anne for once can you not be fucking retarded? that’s a stupid fucking idea you dumb bitch.
Bring back Chuckles! He was annoying but at least he wasn’t abusive.
i hate when an olde woman like anne
refers to her misshapen and doughy
ass as ‘girlish.’
sad
you haven’t been girlish since the
mid 1960s.
oh wait - you meant ghoulish
Aliens love Noo Zillund, they come here to eat our people and blow up our sheep.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Le7fF4fnEI
Lilith it was a joke. anne had just said we should insult each other and so i insulted her.
If this is the way you insult Lilith, we’re kinda fucked…
Bad Taste, that movie sucks balls, Smogalicious. That guy getting reborn makes me ill and I’m not queasy about shit like that. The gruel shit was nasty too. Bleagh.
I saw Bad Taste on the big screen after a night eating greasy meat pies and drinking beer. I almost vomited over the people in the row in front.
Happy memories!!!
SHUT UP BEN YOU RECYCLED DOG TURD
fuck!
stop fucking sheep smoggy! you’re fucking up the sheep gene pool!
dammit!
If he stops fucking sheep he’ll start fucking hamsters such as yourself.
He looks like a rat to me.
Hey Benny, are you one of those rats that some people put in a plastic pipe and shove up their ass?
that was his old job, smog. he got promoted to sucking dicks.
whores and cunts! you’re all whores and cunt!
I’ve changed my name to Benjamin. I think this will command more respect so you fuckers can’t make fun of me anymore.
shut up, benjamin.
see that just doesn’t sound as good. it’s working already!
That’s fucking brilliant, Benjamin! Let’s demand some respect around here.
smashing idea, benjamin. you are a gentleman, a scholar and a total fag-puss, my good man.
Thank you gentle-douches. It is my hope that our endeavors shall lead us to new territories of respectful disrespect.
Cease this incessant prattle, benjamin.
i concur. it would be a glorious day, chaps…a glorious day.
the queen approacheth!!!! ready the catapult!!!
It’s a trebuchet, Perfesser…
ready the throw-y thing that launcheth stuff!!!
I love it when you get all technical like that!
Wankers, the whole lot of ya.
And ben is a prairie dog. Wankers.
i say, sister nun is rather a bit of bitch, isn’t she?
Professor Uppity Cracka, M.A. (Mean Asswipe), Ph.D. (Phony Dick).
Benjamin unlawfully loveth man parts.
James taketh perverse pleasure in the sufferings of others, and therefore will himself be poked and prodded unmercifully.
Nun doth keep a tidy convent and deserveth utmost respect. This will be demonstrated by frequent visits from comely male sinners seeking remission of sins.
Lilith doth daily show keen intellect as befits those of her superior religious faith.
“remission” ha!
Methinks Anne doth mean “emissions”, not “remissions”.
Good luck with your boner, Sir James.
Speaking of old boners, where the fuck is Yo Yo?
159-
“superior religious faith”
is it irony day or oxymoron day? i always get them mixed up.
wait. i mean i always get them mixed up, my lady. (bow)
I’m pissed off at Josh. All he does is care for his baby and work on his comedy. Fuck productivity! Tie the kid in the crib and get drunk! Said.
he never tells us when he’s taking a holiday, as they in places that talk cooler than america.
#163: You would know if it was oxymoron day. Everyone would be giving you presents and buying you drinks.
*as they SAY
so irony day it is!!!
i love parties!!!!!!!
Yo Yo is on a whirlwind tour of his backyard.
I prefer “holiday” to “vacation” actually. Americans suck.
“Holiday” means everyone’s sleeping off a drunk. “Vacation” means everyone’s at the beach getting drunk.
Speaking of vacations … Hey, Smoggy! How’s the weather in your parts these days? You sure did enough bragging back in December. Now it’s our turn, mothafucka!
85 today and sunny. Maybe a cooling thunderstorm later.
HA! Take that, God bots.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/07/01/notes070109.DTL
The author did call God a girl though. That might not have been very wise.
More famous smite…
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=418447>1=28101
Mark Morford is pretty well known for poking fun at religion, but usually leaves God Himself alone. I think he’s cruisin’ for a smitin’.
And speaking of smiting, http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090701/ap_on_en_mo/us_obit_malden another celebrity bites the dust…
173: gay penguins prove that God is a fag.
But is he a gay fish?
It is true paganannie, the weather is absolutely shite. Although the skifields are the best they’ve been in 15 years. Shame I hate skiing and think those petit bourgeois in their dayglo suits are asking for a divine avalanche.
What about it God? A smite on all skiers? One really good avalanche to wipe out the Noo Zillund tourism industry?
Ehhh… I say… Benjamin old chap, old fruit, old toff, old small furry anal invader. Would you like to pop down to the Southern Hemisphere for a spot of sport? There’s trout fishing, duck shooting, deer stalking, sheep raping and afterwards we’ll feed you to a kea.
Can’t ask fairer old rodent munter.
PS The Benjamin gravatar is brilliant–far too good for ben or benny. Reminds me of my old ‘Smog in Black gravatar.
Or was that Mandingo?
Or Hymn Singer?
Or Saint Peter?
Or …
I must say, I like the improved tone of the comments around here! Well done, James, Benjamin, Professor Cracker, Her Royal Highness Queen Anne. Even Smoggy is pomming it up a bit.
Jolly good, jolly good
Yaarrsss..what a shame that the nun is still discoursing like a low-rent whore!
Yes…truly tis a pity. But that’s how it is with the dirty mouths of low-rent whores.
Don’t you agree Smoggsy?
fuckin queers, the lot of ya
really
Now see here, Hume my good man…
Fucking queers is a good thing, at least I think so.
Smoggy’s a creep
He fucks sheep.
Benjamin’s queer
He fucks steers.
P.S.: Nun. Is. Not. A. Whore!
I. AM. NOT. A. FUCKING. WHORE!!
I hope aliens ram giant dildos up all your arseholes!
I’m
so
full
of
mortal
rage!!
:x
Piss
off
wankers!
yeah
but no one wants to fuck anne
I’d tap that.
Congrats on your quickening, Nun. It makes you less whorish.
Nun’s got 200 wankers.
Satan wants to fuck Anne.
Lilith fucks girl queers.
Ben gets shoved up the bottoms of rodentophiles.
Hume still has my broom up his bum.
Jim’s to old to get it up.
Cracka can’t get it down.
Where’s Josh?
Where’s Yo Yo?
Where’s God?
Where are my marbles?
smoggy,
i have an american friend who’s 50/50 on moving to new zealand. seriously, for work. poor bastard. if it happens, i’m visiting your stupid country and i WILL find you and i WILL kill you…..with kindness, of course!!!
Smoggy, next time you’re in the privvy, look through the hole. That’s where you’ll find your marbles.
#205: Smoggy won’t be easy to find, Cracka. They all look alike, and they all abuse sheep.
Hume, just because you don’t want something, that doesn’t mean that living people don’t want it. The only bone you have is showing through your rotten zombie flesh.
Nun: In my ute I was a member of the Hash House Harriers, known as a drinking club with a running problem. We referred to each other as wankers. Thanks for the memories-er-mammaries.
wanker is a great insult. in my ute i loved the clash and classic punk in general. the movie sid and nancy was great for insults. “bloody americans, all you think about…sex. we don’t fuck see. we think it’s ugly, boring hippy shit.”
I do have beautiful mammaries, Jim. Guys really like it when I hug them.
Where did Herbman go? He was here for a minute.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap_travel/us_sears_tower_ledge
maybe heights remind you of gravity,
and gravity reminds you of your sagging tits,
and your sagging tits remind you that you’re all dried up…
stupid mortal life!!!!
HA!! Don’t compare your down-to-your-knees-ballsac with my breasteses, Cracka. I get many a compliment on how firm my titties be which is always followed by awe and wonder as they’re real. You think I’m just saying this for God’s Holy Blog but I tell the honest truth… ask my burro.
Here’s something for Ms. Johnson to aspire to:
http://cbs13.com/local/teacher.porn.dvd.2.1068250.html
An elderly couple went to a nudist colony for the first time. During lunch, the wife says, “Oh, I have such heartburn!” The husband say, “You don’t have heartburn, your left tit is in the soup!”
Thank you, ladies and germs, and goodnight.
215: LOL!
That’ll never happen to me! I don’t know how to burn a DVD!!! 
Even funnier because it was the teacher in the porn shots! Moron of the day … unless ben happens by.
Try this one, Nun:
http://www.grandcanyon.com/grand-canyon-skywalk.html
Try this one, Nun:
http://news.cnet.com/2300-1008_3-6169001-7.html?tag=mncol
I’ve seen it, Jim. I would crumble once I got at over the canyon part and probably wouldn’t be able to walk back. It truly is a crippling fear.
HAHA!! Dad, is that Ms. Defanti? HAHAHA!! Poor woman.
This will piss of Cracka and put ben’s panties in a bunch which is mostly why I post it.
Who has a heart of fucking stone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaNa3yWL8mQ
Sing it, little guy.
i watched the first 30 seconds, started to have a feeling, quit.
Yeah, if you don’t have a heart of stone then you have to quit. A lot of people on the comments section have noted that it’s very difficult to watch. Gotta say I agree with them. Stupid fucking emotions!
I have a strange desire for a Pepsi now.
poor dead weirdo
He’s got great promise in his post-mortal career as a singer of commercial jingles. His fan base appears to be virtually limitless.
I think most people are choosing to recognize his accomplishments. That’s how it should be in my opinion but then I never believed he buggered little boys. And no, I’m not actually a Jackson fan. Never was but I recognize genius when I see it and the man was a fucking genius when it came to music and dancing.
And he had 10,000 books in his library and could hold a conversation on Jung and Freud.
…fucking sicko.
Anytime you in Noo Zillund cracka there’s a warm sheep just waiting for you.
Silly, Smoggy. Michael Jackson was technically a black man which made him unable to hold any kind of intelligent conversation on Jung and Freud. Dancing, singing, smoking chiba, drinking malt liquor and sex are the true talents of the black man.
i’m not going to pass judgment on someone i don’t know (hahaha!!!) —-i mean, not on whether or not he molested children. BUT, if you look at his abusive father, his weird obsession with peter pan and never growing up and the way he talked about children—i don’t know. all i’m saying is that if the FBI ran a psych profile on the deceased mr. jackson it would read: “child molestation”. but, like i said, i don’t know. it’s all circumstantial.
michael jackson raped babies.
aaaaaahhhh, that’s better.
I’d say you’d make a pretty crappy FBI profiler, Cracka. Frankly, he talked like a child that never really grew up. Children are not child molesters.
I like the Jekyll and Hyde battle going on between Professor Cracka and Uppity Cracka . . . it’s almost like Cracka has some hidden depths to him . . .
Did God smite poor old Karl Malden because he was an alien too? Hard to believe. He seemed so nice on all those American Express commercials.
Did you ever look at Karl Malden’s nose, Lilith. Obviously the man was not of this Earth.
As opposed to what–like Michael Jackson’s nose?
Of course being 97 freaking years old might have had something to do with his demise, too…
It’s already been established that Michael Jackson is an alien, Jim so I’m not sure what your comparison is supposed to mean other than aliens have weird noses.
Of course you’re right–I have the dumb today.
Oh, I see — anyone with an oddly shaped nose is an alien. Okay, we’ll know who to shoot first then.
No, it’s not dumb, Jim. You’re just old and probably slightly demented.
Don’t shoot aliens, Lilith! First, you have no way to evade their weaponry so if you open fire first, you’re toast. Second, aliens do this wonderful thing where they invade your anus over and over again. I don’t particularly care for it but I know it’s the only thing that gets ben off.
oh my! what an insult!
Stating the truth is not an insult, moron.
Anal probing bastards!
God DAMN them! 
Maybe more than slightly demented. Take now, for instance. I’m about to drive 90 miles each way to watch a bunch of cars that don’t look much like cars drive around in circles like a bunch of pitbulls chasing their non-existent tails. Cuz I’m a demented hillbilly, and that’s how we roll. But they’ve got the best free fireworks display going, so I’ve got that going for me…
Sorry to break it to ya, Jim, but even though you like bluegrass and stock cars, you can’t technically be a hillbilly unless the mountains you live in have trees on them. Seriously. Whoever heard of a hillbilly from Nevada?
That MJ Pepsi ad made me want to scream. Let’s romanticize the childhood of a person who had no childhood. Why didn’t he stop buying into that bullshit?
You ever have some celebrity you wanted to sit down with and just have a frank heart-to-heart? I used to yell at the t.v. when I saw Princess Di. “Get an education, you moron!” Same with MJ, except, “Get some serious therapy, dude!” For the price of a few zoo animals, he could have gotten the help he really needed.
Actually I think aliens probably wouldn’t respond well to psychotherapy.
I spent over half my life above 8,000 ft. in the High Sierra, Anne, in the largest jeffery pine forest in the world. Now I could be wrong, but I doubt if there’s many, if any, places in Appalachia that high.
I’ve got 7 pines on my property here, but it ain’t the same.
It rarely snows, though. Not a bad trade.
You’re proud of being a hillbilly?
That’s like being proud to be … Ben.
Just burnishing my cred with Johnson. She appreciates that kinda shit.
anne thinks fairies make the ice cubes
in her freezer
and she thinks she’s really smart, too
but she does wear buzzard suits
for shits and giggles
and to scare kids
i give her a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10
because she purposefully
lives in new jersey
which, for most people,
is an accident,
and not by design
I think Mt. Washington is more than 8000 ft., but yes, the Appalachians aren’t the biggest mounds on the planet.
PS - Why would fairies want to be in the freezer? Sheesh, Hume. Go see if they’re having a sale on IQs at Wal-Mart.
LIVING IN NEW JERSEY WAS AN ACCIDENT FOR ME, MORON! I’M A REAL HILLBILLY FROM WEST (By Him) VIRGINIA.
But I have learned a lot by living here.
If we were close to a quickening, I’d name a few things. But I have a life.
You’ve lived in New Jersey AND West Viriginia and you say you have a life?
God’s gonna smite your wobbly pagan ass for lying.
Aw, Jeebus–here comes the story about how Jersey tomatoes are the best in the world…
i find the witty banter here to be both refreshing and insightful.
fuck off.
word to your mother cracka
Well. Here we are at the 4th of July. Weren’t things supposed to change with this new guy in office? I’m looking around, and shit seems just the same.
Jersey tomatoes are the best in the world. Said and supported. But you have to grow your own. As with so many good plants.
johnson, do you call them tomatoes or tomatoes?
Beginning in about a week, I’ll be calling them supper. Don’t be jealous because you can’t grow them in the tundra that passes for your back yard.
FUCK! I have to work! CAN’T STAND ANY MORE REF BOOK ENTRIES! God. Smite me now.
Have some relax, it took the last gang of thieves a lot longer than 5 or 6 months to totally fuck this joint up, it might take the new guy a bit more time to either finish the job or fix it.
I’ve got this Eyetalian girlfriend from Jersey; I think she qualifies as a Jersey Tomato. She was nearly full-grown when I met her, though. 30 years later, I’d have to say she’s a bit over-ripe.
She’s a bit over-ripe? Hate to say it, Jim, but you’re so over-ripe you’re ready to be thrown at a politician.
HAVE SOME RELAX?!!!!
jim, did you pose as a certain brazilian in the past???
johnson, it’s 90 degrees out there, you can grow tomatoes any-damn-where.
tomatoes—the hell kinda thing is that to be proud of?
can you guys buy a certain delicious condiment called ‘top the tater’ where you live? if not, you’re missing out on minnesota’s finest culinary offering.
I am NOT a South American lesbian!
If by over-ripe you mean brittle of bone and cold of heart, then you are correct, Anne. I’m only a few years older than you. Get used to it.
Nevada has no culinary treats of which to be proud. Maybe casino buffets, if you like everything from scrambled eggs to baron of beef dried to perfection under a heat lamp…
beef casserole. chicken casserole. venison casserole. tuna casserole. jello casserole (yeah, it’s gross). when minnesotans say salad they don’t mean lettuce. it’s layers and layers of cheese, sour cream, and whatever you want to put in it (preferrably extra cheese). hot dish: that’s a heated up casserole with cheese, sour cream and cream of mushroom soup in it. if you’re ever dining in northern minnesota and you want to know what that divinely fat and salty flavor is, it’s cream of mushroom soup.
Are all those casserole recipes found in the Ole and Lena Minnesota Cookbook?
probably.
it’s like this-
kill something.
cut the meat out of it.
cover meat with sour cream, cream of mushroom soup.
bake until done.
cover with cheese and serve.
There’s always poutine…
Oh yes, poutine is the national dish of Quebec. Take something greasy (french fries) and cover it with two types of fat (cheese curds and gravy). Mmmmm, a heart healthy treat!
Personally, I love jello salad. At one time, it was a staple food on the Canadian prairies. Less so these days. Too bad.
“top the tater” is not available in New Jersey.
Sorry to buy into a stereotype, but it’s true. Here it’s pasta, pasta, pasta. Italian restaurant on every corner, and all of them good. Just be sure to sit with your back to the wall.
Ohhhhh! This is making me miss Curtis!
Sounds like a lot of things in the Great Cold Center are basically fondue!
You will find cream of mushroom soup dishes anywhere white trash have gathered and prospered. It’s not just a Minnesota thing, Cracka.
Would you believe it, I know the woman who created a lot of those original recipes using Cream of Mushroom soup. Especially the infamous green bean casserole. It was her invention! And she’s a snobby D.A.R. lady. Forty years in the test kitchen at Campbell’s Soup, she acts like she should be astride a thoroughbred, hunting with Prince Charles.
Generations of rednecks owe their dietary habits to a New Jersey snob.
Seriously.
http://www.campbellkitchen.com/SpecialtyHolidayDorcasReilly.aspx?specialty=holiday
Dorcus. Like a cross between dork and doofus. Run far away from her, Anne.
Actually she’s very nice. Not really snobby. But definitely not a white trash redneck.
Campbell’s owns the right to the recipe. It’s like the “Hey Jude” of soup concoctions.
280-i’ll be damned. i thought it was just minnesota white trash.
281-i’ll be damned again.
minneapolis does NOT have the italian like the east coast. there may be a grand total of 5 good italian restaurants in this state. most ’sota-folk think olive garden is italian. yeah! it’s italian like those knockoff payless shoes are italian! stupid bastards. in the city people eat at “macaroni” grill or “buca’s”. it makes me want to murder minorities…then again, what doesn’t?
i love the mediterranean foods, though. plus, i know the difference.
plus, shut up ben.
why am i rambling on about boring crap like this? because i’m stuck working today…alone…and you must all suffer with me.
and I get bitched at for talking about The X-Files.
Cracka’s cultured. Who would have known.
They say Sarah Palin’s resigning. I hope it’s because she’s moving to Russia.
Maybe too late for God’s last topic, but Palin is resigning!
http://www.adn.com/palin/story/852419.html?commentSort=TimeStampAscending&pageNum=2&mi_pluck_action=page_nav#Comments_Container
say what you want about that whore, but she can scoop like it’s nobody’s bizness.
289-i chuckled. you get one chuckle credit to be redeemed at any participating retailer.
i should post my non cracka comments as the professor, huh?
Clearly, God’s last post has put the fear of, well, God into Sarah Palin. She’s trying to avoid being smited, I think.
okay, sure…yep:
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2009/07/02/10004621-ap.html
palin and sanford are ’scaping to new zealand
to set up a sheep fucking/farming commune
with s. batzrubble
actually i think ben is one of palin’s retarded brood
though i’d like to see anne and palin
in a cage match:
buzzard vs. hockey mom
i’d give anne a slight advantage
but only because she bites
and palin wears glasses
too easy; doesn’t count -
everyone’s drunk
and i’m working.
fuckers.
except cracka, who is drunk at work
God smote Sarah Palin! Awesome.
Well, he *said* he would!
Slight advantage? I’d take that bitch down before she could say “Our Father.”
Wait. Is it Detroit/New Jersey rules or Assembly of God rules?
Never mind. I only follow my rules. And I don’t have any.
Actually I’d rather get her into a verbal smackdown.
Anne: What is the Establishment Clause?
Sarah: Well, I’m glad you asked, Anne. Because *wink* ANNE, I can see Russia from my establishment.
Anne: MORON.
I’d pay money to see that, Anne.
If Sarah Palin has stepped down as Governor in preparation to run for President in 2012 then the smite is on America and not Palin.
Not an iceberg’s chance in hell on that happening, Nun. Not even her own party likes a quitter.
If it wasn’t for the last 8 years of W in office, I’d say we as a people are to smart to let it happen anyway. Now I’m not so sure…
Good Palin Smite God. I hope the scandal you’ve cooked up (and casseroled in mushroom soup) just to humiliate her is a really good one.
For the record, she’d not welcome here in Noo Zillund. I’ve already had anal with her and it’s nothing to write home about.
Nice joke I heard:
“It’s the first time a Palin has pulled out too early.”
Palin for President in 2012?
You betcha! The US needs more stoopid. You Americanuses are all becoming respectable and the world is starting to listen to your leaders and take them seriously. What a fuck up!!
Anne: Do you think the Constitution should protect the right to bear arms?
Sarah: No! Michelle Obama is such a tramp in those sleeveless dresses!
I give you the candidate of the Moron Party.
And Smoggy, if you had anal with her, you will truly dip your meatstick into anything that is remotely penetrable.
What planet did Mr Jackson hail from exactly?
Or was he a cyborg sent from the future?
Silly Naytheist, he came from the moon!
Not our moon, Anne. One of Jupiter’s moons… Io. There have been hints of this in the past… Captain Eo is one, they changed the spelling just a bit so as not to be too obvious. Michael Jackson, Ambassador to Io.
Wow!!?
Now Steve McNair. God’s on a smiting spree.
Until just now, I’d never heard of Steve McNair. Now, thanks to you and the google, I at least know why I’d never heard of him…
America, fuck yeah.
Kicking some ass to save the motherfucking day
yeah.
Check out the Micheal Jackson Sock Puppet Theatre on YouTube — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQC8QuR7gzw
A masterpiece.
I went to a Foghat concert last night. It was free, otherwise I wouldn’t have gone.
Cracka, what was that word you had for music that aggressively tries to sound like frightening noise?
Foghat. I’m still processing this. Where did 35 years go?
Foghat you say. I approve. Had no idea they were still touring. Hope they have enough original members to fool us.
that amanda knox is one sexy killer
here you go, johnson:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noisecore
I’m surprised anybody in Foghat is still alive.