Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I’ve always hated taxes, and that’s why I have never and will never pay them!
Money is the root of all evil. Which is exactly why the government can’t have any of mine!
Money owned by Me, The Almighty Lord, is the only good money there is. My Money is used only for good purposes; indoctrinating foreigners, building opulent cathedrals, and buying My Clergy only the finest Italian patent leather shoes.
Paying taxes is strictly for suckers. And this is why I, The Almighty Lord your God, command you now to never pay taxes again!
Rejoice! Never again shall you have to give your money away to be redistributed into government welfare programs that in no way benefit Me.
Seriously, how dare the government legally demand you pay them a portion of your money? That means less money for ME!
Government is a fat money-eating demon with grubby meathooks for hands and bureaucratic red tape for intestines. Feed it some money and it will be pooped out as medicare, social security and other government-endorsed shit-piles that only benefit lazy Mexicans.
I am the Lord your God. I have awesome strong hands and a perfectly functioning digestive system. Give Me your money and it shall be transmutated into getting you into Heaven.
Give Me your money and I will protect you from terrorists. Give Me your money* and I won’t smite you. Give Me your money or you’ll burn in hell.
GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!
*Give Me your money so I can feed on it. I like eating pallets of money.
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
Woohoo!! No more taxes because God said so! Thanks, God!!
I will give You my money Lord!
I only have 112 money.
Pad your crib with someone else’s money, Mr. Big Shot. You won’t get a dime from me.
NOOOOOOO!!! Why, God? Why??
http://business.avn.com/articles/34984.html
Because she always paid her taxes!
I have two books of green stamps. You can have those, God. I’ll even throw in a ShamWow.
Your right Big Guy
Fuck rendering to Ceasar what he says is his.
That’s more scratch we can drop in the plate on Sunday.
Hey God, what happened to “Pay Caesar’s thing to Caesar and God’s things to God”?
i already paid my stupid taxes! Him damnit! oh well, i’ll just have to steal money for the Lord.
#4 Nun,
Looks like that copy of deep throat you owe just doubled in value!!!!!!
Deep Throat is Linda Lovelace, retard. My copy of Behind the Green Door just doubled in value.
ben’s copy of shut the fuck up just sold for $.01 on ebay.
the rest of you get complimentary copies of “how to fuck off in twelve easy steps.
unquote.
Josh - Jesus is the one who said that, and he was misquoted. He said “pay all your money to God because Caesar is a tool.” But Caesar’s people spun it differently so that the Jews would keep paying taxes.
God, should I go down to the local IRS office and yell at them from the street?
NO!
WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!
You should burn the building down!
Gods has spoken! I’m gathering matches and will stop at the Quiki-Mart for gasoline.
God, what do you do with all that money anyhow? I’d like to see the Holy Balance Sheet.
Oh snap! My bad. God eats the money. I just re-read the rant.
God: If You hate Africa and Asia, do You eat Krugerrands and Yen, or do You stick strictly to U.S. currency? Do You eat it straight out of the wallet, covered with germs, or do You launder it first?
Blessed be the name of the Almighty Dollar!
I despise reality programming. That said, check this chick out…
http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92464?fp=1
Wow
You know, I suspected it happened in the church when they wouldn’t say where the murder took place…
http://cbs5.com/crime/sandra.cantu.charges.2.983888.html
This is seriously fucked up if it really happened the way they’re implying… what the fuck did she rape her with?? What the fuck is wrong with people and in this case, is it religion.
she is very good. too bad her lunch lady looks will ensure she never hits the big time.
HA! You’re mean.
I’m realistic.
There was this chick who ran an musical open mic at a club called “Nells” in the city (it is associated with the Rocky Horror Picture Show as the money for the club come from that). Anyway, the girl was an amazing singer. BUt she was only good enough to be a back up singer to Mariah Carey. Why? Because she was a little hefty and had a hunch back. True story.
shitty singers make it big if they look good (Britney) and amazing singers toil in obscurity because they might have a hunch back.
Wrong, Josh.
Ugly but commerically viable singers dot the landscape: Amy Winehouse is uglier and scarier than Anne and Nun scissoring but has sold a shitload of albums.
Bob Dylan. Stevie Nicks. Lil Wayne. Barbra Streisand. The Grateful Dead. Radiohead. Art Garfunkel.
Sounds to me like you’re making excuses for your career going nowhere, cause you’re ugly.
Fat, too, I bet.
Aretha Franklin could make a freight train take
a dirt road but there she was on Obama’s dais,
singing her fat heart out during his inauguration.
Josh, I recommend you try slim-fast and Lasik surgery.
Take note: Ben bagged his head and that seems to work for him.
Hume, you are one harsh mothafucka. Don’t take it out on us if you got kicked out of the prairie dog colony.
Amy Winehouse is pretty fucking scary.
ummm yeah Hume, but the people you named made it big either before the proliferation of video and pictures via the internet or before they blew the fuck up.
Aretha Franklin: she was not a fat long tittied bitch when she made it
Stevie Nicks: Never would have been green lit if her picture was all over the world first
Amy Winehouse: she actually was pretty before she got hooked on that stuff. Granted she had a big jew nose but she had huge tits.
Lil Wayne: he did not make it the regular way. he had the door opened for him by drug dealers.
Pay more attention you old fuck to not only the artists but the technological era in which they “made it”
I’d hit is pre crack:
http://stupidcelebrities.net/wp-content/amywinehouse9.jpg
http://britmusicscene.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/amy-winehouse-fat-thin.jpg
God Toy!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.motifake.com/another-greybeard-wannabee-demotivational-poster-43875.html
After torching the IRS office, I wandered over to Wal-Mart. had a little gasoline left over, so I toasted some Peeps ©.
A poster for Cracka: http://www.motifake.com/-demotivational-poster-33823.html
And one for Bridgette: http://www.motifake.com/-demotivational-poster-33822.html
You would think they could make a better God toy than that. I like that He has an AK though.
And Nun: http://www.motifake.com/nuns-ass-god-belong-nuns-nun-demotivational-poster-40603.html
And Jesus: http://www.motifake.com/the-messiah-demotivational-poster-18113.html
sweet
Ben’s job (he’s the cleanup assistant): http://www.motifake.com/shitty-job-humor-demotivational-poster-27081.html
But we already know that Ben spends his days cleaning up semen, Yo.
How many of you boneheads watched The X-Files enough to remember Scully’s son, William?
the little kid with magic powers? Yeah I remember him. Did he ever get into Hogwarts?
No, he got injected with magnetite and doesn’t have magic powers anymore. People will disagree with me on that but I thought it was made pretty clear.
Anyway, you remember the kid… do you know who the boy’s dad is?
what about him?
as I recall they never say definitely who the father is, but they hint many many times that Mulder hit that.
and having super powers then having your hot mom take them away sucks ass. I would grow up to hate her.
Hey Cracka there’s something I want to ask you.
Do you hate your mother or father in law?
Man, I hate my father in law. I’m not sure if he is just like Alice living in the Wonderland or if he is Bridgette’s father too.
Stupid old man!
Damn you old man! Wherever you are now, damn you!!!
Exactly… they provided enough hints to indicate that Mulder is indeed the father. Some bonehead wrote into Frank Spotnitz’s blog and said that he has watched all 9 seasons and both movies and didn’t know who the father was. HELLO!! Even a retarded ching chong who was not a devoted fan knows who the father is.
As for William and his hot mother… I feel bad for his hot mother. She totally got fucked over when it came to offspring. William and those around him are probably better off that he doesn’t have those powers though… he could move his mobile when he was upset. Imagine what would happen if he really got pissed… poor Scully would have found her ass thrown out a window when he had a simple temper tantrum.
tell you what, L, outside of the pretendosphere of this blog i’m not really a hateful person. that being said, my in-laws sure can annoy the hell out of me. it’s like this: families are weird.
I’m a nice person too, but I actually laughed on the way to my mother’s funeral. She was a true nut case, and I was glad to be rid of her.
You had to know her to know what I mean. Lots of people were smiling as they laid that monster to rest.
Anne, I’ll do just the when I bury my father in law.
I’m not a nice person. I’m a raging lunatic obsessed with The X-Files. Man, I miss The X-Files.
anne, you’re cold blooded!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN-Qq2umKZo
“mother is the name of god on the lips of all children.”
Billy Connolly has a bit where he talks about a colonoscopy that’s making the rounds in our office right now. Billy’s funny but what really cracks me up is one of my co-workers thought he was from Monty Python.
I thought he was from Monty Python too at first, but only because he looks and talks exactly like John Cleese if he had a lot of beard.
Yeah but you’re stupid and suck cocks for a living, Ben.
I guess it just comes down to… all white people look alike.
I wonder where she got those gloves? I need a pair like that for Ritual.
FOR RITUAL! HA!
you suck tree dicks!
That Paula Abdul video made my tummy feel funny.
that’s called nausea, nun.
it’s the same thing that happens to your dates when you take off your pants and your vagina says, “i like to call my beard my flavor saver. what do you taste like?”
it’s also addicted to chewing tobacco. nun’s vagina is the pacific northwest spittoon marksman of the year twenty years running.
and you thought those nicotine stained lips were from all the black dicks!!!
meh, maybe i should go back to titty jokes.
58 doesn’t even make sense.
I hope you realize that you’re just gross and not particularly funny, Cracka.
An update on God’s on-going Swayze smite…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090414/ap_on_en_tv/tv_the_beast_s_future
yeah, i do, and i’m fine with it.
Hurf, why do you drop these comments right after I eat lunch? It’s not easy cleaning ramen out of my keyboard.
Radiohead’s lead singer is as ugly as they get, Josh.
Same for douche fronting Coldplay, regardless of Nun and Gwyneth Paltrow’s proclivities.
Fred Durst is no Fred Astaire.
Those jackholes from Good Charlotte?
Fell right down the ugly tree, hitting every branch
along the way.
Should I go on?
How about Larry the fucking Cable Guy?
Seth Rogen and Danny McBride?
Millionaires, the lot of em.
How about Patton Oswald? Funny little fucker
and thoroughly ugly.
Also, yes, Anne, I am harsh, but I still heart your
pagan-gina.
You’re only mentioning boys in that comment, Hume. The rules are different for girls. You’re absolutely right about the ugliness of the Madden twins though.
And Chris Martin has never been ugly… he just looked like a little gay boy until recently which is when I decided he was hot and totally fucktractive.
am i the only one who’s noticed that chris martin can’t really sing? he just uses a falsetto voice to go, “aaaah-ooooh-aaaah-aaaaaaah” he’s within the realm of being in key most of the time, i guess.
let’s see here. ugly chicks who made it in the recording industry post-video and internet proliferation? is that what we’re looking for? hmm. i guess lesbians don’t count since the lesbos love ugly chicks and they have their own market. so, i can’t think of anyone.
Seth Rogen is both ugly and un-talented. He must know the right people.
And, em, Ben. Excuse me? You keep forgetting to insult yourself. So I’ll do it for you. Trees don’t have dicks, retard! Shut up.
I don’t think it has anything to do with “knowing” the right people. I think it comes down to giving a good blow job and dropping your pants when they tell you to.
Anne said, “Trees don’t have dicks!” But some of them have deadwood.
…or was it softwood?
68 and 69: Probably true and funny, respectively.
Ugly chicks that made it, in the video era?
Carnie Wilson.
She could out-ugly a water buffalo, but there she was, flanked by her hotter sisters, singing about heartache
and all you can eat buffets.
Courtney Love is just fuckin scary and should be
tranquilized, but is inexplicably famous.
Madonna’s gotten uglier. What the fuck happened to
her face?
Tori Spelling and Christina Ricci are fairly ugly, as far as actresses go, as is Renee Zellwegger.
Well, shit. Back to work, which is also ugly today.
Also, shut up ben.
#73: supported
“Well, shit. Back to work, which is also ugly today.”
Cracka?
if i were hume cronyn don’t you think his pagan-gina jokes would have been more repugnant?
my work is ugly most of the time, though.
shut up, ben.
hume,
We were talking about singing not acting or comedy. Different rules apply. As are the rules for men and women. Tori Spelling? Moron, her dad did it all and she still has a shitty career.
As far as your other “examples” let me shoot them down.
Carney Wilson: Umm yeah she made it with a famous dad and then Wilson Philips where the other two where hot. If she was a solo act, probably would not have heard of her.
Courtney Love: Are you fucking kidding dumb ass. She made it because she suck a very famous dick, one she still tries to suck even in death.
Modanna was hot when she was younger, when she actually made it. If you saw her and her 50 year old mexican body builder hands try to make it now, i doubt it would happen.
Come up with some more shitty examples that you did not think out. PLease.
josh, i think “are you fucking kidding, dumbass?” was supposed to be a question. why don’t you come up with some more shitty sentences that you did not proof read. pLease.
cracka,
you totally called me on that?
I have always thought that you can take any ordinary-looking human of either gender and make that person gorgeous by applying makeup and a good hairstyle. I believe this because I look at the tabloid pictures of starlets without their makeup, and most of them are very ordinary-looking, at best. Madonna was never pretty, even in the day. She fucked her way to the top, and I don’t mean with trees.
I wonder how Bridgette would look if she applied a little lip gloss?
#81: Cracka, was that last line supposed to be a question or a statement?
damn you, johnson.
you’re stating that you are wondering about bridgette’s fat, stupid face unless you say it like this:
i wonder, how would bridgette’s fat face look if she applied a little lip gloss?
does that mean i could pass middle school english in new jersey?
#84 - You would probably get sent to detention for cursing and miss so much instruction that you’d have to go to summer school with all the lazy asses and retards.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I love me some Graham Norton…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHETGAZ-deI
This clip makes me fall on the ground laughing from Anderson’s reaction to a not-so-nice game and Norton telling the crowd “don’t be bitches”. I agree that it is a heinous game, even if it does make me chuckle.
cracka - you could pass middle school engrish in new jersey, just as long as you can make it through anything written by Richard Wright or Chinua Achebe.
#87 - Yes, cracka, in order to pass middle school in New Jersey, you actually have to read something written by a black person. Oh, the horror! But take heart, because in high school you get Shakespeare and John Steinbeck and Anne Frank. All nice white people who know how to write.
does frederick douglass count?
he wasn’t all black, that’s why he could pronounce the word “ask”.
did jews who died in the holocaust really consider themselves white?
White as bone.
Lip gloss on Bridgette=lip gloss on a pig.
Nun,
remember his show on network TV? very short lived.
is anyone here going to go to Glenn Beck’s comedy show(s)?
#86 - If Bridgette had been in that audience, she would have been forced to throw her own chip down the loo and have zero, just in the name of honesty.
Yo Yo, Jewish people are only white Sunday through Friday at sundown. Then they’re Jews. If you need to know more about them, ask God.
Aren’t all of Glenn Beck’s shows comedy?
Cracka’s too busy studying his Chinua Achebe to get a quickening.
nun, your crappy team has the 4th pick. looks like you’ll get a badass DE. you suck.
one?
one
Anyone but Ben!!!
ONE!!!!!!
Josh,
Graham Norton’s show? Are you talking an American production? I’m only familiar with what they show me on BBC and what I can scrounge around for on Youtube.
Basically, I’ve found that most of his guests don’t have the wit required to hang with Graham Norton.
he had an very very short lived show in the US. they filmed it in NYC
Glad you got it, cracka. I was worried Josh or Ben would steal it from you.
I was actually not aware of that, Josh. When was that?
I like Graham Norton… he’s a good gay.
i only remember because I was near one of the filmings when they did some strange band thing in the west village.
WTF! I’m really curious what this woman supposedly used when she violated that little girl. I wonder if it was something with religious connotations.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090414/ap_on_re_us/girl_in_suitcase
i think it was on comedy central for like two months.
Was this it, Josh…
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0397809/
that’s the most depressing thing in the world.
no it was called the graham norton effect
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0414738/
it was on the air and off again after like 5 episodes.
HA! I remember that. The Graham Norton Effect didn’t have much effect. BA-ZING!
ugh.
shut up, ben.
shutting up.
fuck…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090414/ap_on_re_us/teacher_love_triangle
I don’t know why I read news stories. I should just stay blissfully ignorant and happy watching Gillian Anderson and Graham Norton videos all day.
People make me sick. Except for all those guys I want to fuck who, in reality, would probably also make me sick if I had to actually talk to them.
seems pretty normal to me.
#116 - I just can’t imagine this, unless the student was really sucking in math and saw a way to get on the honor roll.
In all seriousness, I’m in the same age range as that teacher, and I’m surrounded all day by high school students. But they’re like kids to me! They’re the same age as Teenzilla, and every bit as mature.
What slays me on this one is that the woman already had a 20-year-old boyfriend, and she was 48. Jesus, lady. Isn’t one young thang enough for you?
This foster kitten I brought home yesterday might not make it to the pentagram. I hate it when the damn things die on me before I can slaughter them brutally and spread their innocent blood on tombstones.
God hates cats but I love them.
Used to be, when you read about teacher/student sex, it was a male teacher and female student. But lately, especially in the South, we see female teachers and male students.
Does it mess up the boy’s minds? Most of them fantasize about their teacher anyway.
Sorry about the cat, anne. Can the vet fix it?
good point, yoyo. he’s either jerking off inside of her or he’s jerking off while fantasizing about jerking off inside of her. is there that much of a difference?
bad news you geeks: The Sarah Conner Chronicles is bieng canceled!!!
Not much - but he gets a better grade when he jerks off inside her. Also bragging rights to his friends. And if she tries to dump his ass, blackmail, either for money or keen and neat perversions.
teacher rape is way better for the student, unless he gets murdered.
’strewth. Always check to make sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend.
Bad news, Josh, you can’t spell worth a shit.
And really, dude.
There’s plenty of ugly bitches out there that have record deals. I have to go back to Amy Winehouse.
Still a lot of interest in that bitch.
How about that other English train wreck, Lily something.
I saw pics of her topless on a yacht and nearly
choked on my metamusil.
Sounds to me like you’re making excuses for your
flagging “career.”
Take some roids or something and get buff.
Maybe that will help.
Nonetheless, don’t quit your day job, fella, unless
you start chugging some famous cock to
get ahead.
Also, fuckhead, I’d bet dollars to donuts you’d take
Tori Spelling’s career over yours real quick.
Kitten woes: Can’t take him to the vet, he’s from the animal shelter, and they don’t have the funds. I’m the vet. They gave me the medicine and said, “Good luck, sucka.” I’ll keep you informed.
I stand by my weirdness when I say that I don’t get crushes on the kids at my school. And if I thought they were fantasizing about me, I would want them to be examined by a competent member of the psychiatric profession - cuz they would be fucked up.
Hume wants him some Annie, but he’d probably fuck a fruit bat.
Tori Spelling had a career?
Who knew?
Would someone please tell me who came in Hume’s mouth?
Not me - I’ve been daydreaming about nutting in my 9th grade English teacher’s mouth - she was hawt.
hey L Woman, whatever happened to Dr. Herbman?
I miss that kooky bastard. He speak good engrish.
Shut up ben
Hume,
Lily Allen is not ugly.
And did you ignore what Josh said about Winehouse? She didn’t always look like Satan’s dog. He even provided photographic evidence.
Winehouse was never exactly pristine.
Lily Allen on that yacht looked baaad, like
she’d just packed away a few
bacon cheese burgers and was ready to tuck into
a few more.
And his arguments about pre-video days
are specious at best.
Female singers have always been marketed
to sell records, even when it was Cher
before she had a ground up restoration.
Stevie Nicks was photographed
trying to look sexy, and that was no accident.
Honestly Hume, I have to wonder if you’re not just incredibly shallow. What exactly does a woman need to look like for you to think she should be successful as a singer?
And Cher is great. I love me some Cher.
Hume’s got spunk.
Cher sucks.
Shallow, yes, but…
I never said a chick has to be hot to sell records.
Young josh said that.
Personally, I love Stevie Nicks, for instance.
Not Cher so much - ben is, gasp, right.
Also, what about Pink?
Famous, un-talented and fugly.
She’s a man, baby.
Sonny Bono also sucked.
God smote him good.
That’s what you get for hanging
out with ugly broads
and then running for Congress.
Seriously, though, Pink is ass-nasty, and once
Britney dropped a few kids, shaved her head
and packed on the pounds, she
really left America wondering:
What happened?
And yes, the meds are kicking in.
Gotta disagree with you there on Pink.
She may not be hot, but her lyrics are pretty good.
What?
But the lyrics add up to pure shite.
The point is, though, that she’s ugly
and is famous and marketed, etc.
Sarah Vaughan was no swimsuit model,
but man could that broad belt out a tune.
And Janis Joplin was uglier than homemade sin
but had soul and shitloads of talent.
I understand the point young josh was trying
to make, but there’s way too many
un-aesthetically pleasing female singers who
made it big, videos or not.
Tina Turner was no Angela Bassett,
but that bitch can wail.
Chrissie Hynde rocks like she was born to, but
she’s fairly ugly — about a 6 maybe.
Joan Jett still rocks and is still ugly.
Of course there’s double standards for ugly dudes,
same way whorish chicks — like Nun — are looked upon as whores while douches like Brett Michaels (sp?)
get their own TV shows.
Hume,
#142… yeah, sorry about that. I’m going to blame that on God’s blessed chiba and it’s ability to make me forget what I was saying. Sweet, sweet chiba.
And damn you, Ben!
DAMN YOU!! 
Cher does not suck.
And I AM NOT A WHORE
you fucking bastards! 
It’s all good, Nun.
Anyone that appreciates the X-Files as much
as you is alright in my book.
That was one of the best shows ever.
Thank Him for sci-fi channel or whatever
channel that is what showcases
Chris Carter’s brilliance.
OK, gettin fucked up here.
Time to back away from the laptop.
Your use of the angry face far exceeds
anyone else’s use thereof, Nun.
Except God.
Meaning, you use it correctly and properly.
Um Nun, no one called you a whore this time.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
whore.
#147. Called. Nun. A. Whore. Which. She.
Is. 
Not.
And just to keep the argument going, you sure can find plenty of examples of no-talent stars who are just good-looking. I’m old enough to remember Donny Osmond. *hack* But there are plenty of others.
It. Was. A. Fucking. Joke. You. Shrew.
No! Let’s change the subject! April 15 is Tax Day!
It’s also Teenzilla’s birthday. No shit.
God, I would give you money, but I had to buy the brat a present. I splurged and got her Chivas. She’ll only turn 15 once.
Stuff it, zombie. Go back to your casket and worms.
Leif Garrison.
Dolph Lundgren.
In said casket. I multi-task.
Fabio.
15 year olds should never have booze older than
themselves, Anne, unless they
have an expensive car in need of wrecking.
Teenagers are best left with wine coolers
or Natural Light.
Or Popov vodka’s plastic fifth
which fits nicely into a back pocket.
Poor Ben doesn’t know what “whorish” means.
Hume,
YES!! The X-Files = the best damned program ever put on network television. Believe it or not, it was that evil shithole FOX that’s responsible for allowing Chris Carter an outlet to express his creativity.
And Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny are pretty to look at… not that I watched for that but I figure it’s apt considering the topic at hand. God bless those fucking bastards.
Hume you have a point with Pink, she does have a dick (and tiny titties; her topless photos are an embarrassment to topless whores everywhere, am I right Nun?)
but the rest of the people you keep bringing up are from old times; before the internet, before blogs, before the mass consumption of gossip mags.
my point is the industry does not try to find good singers, they try to create good packages.
FYI - the lines at the post offices in NYC are out the door. Suckers!!!!!
If Pink is a package, I wish someone would return her to sender. Hate the bitch. Her music sucks.
Kitten on the rocks.
Anne,
Is this one of your people?
http://www.heavy.com/video/67329#/channel/228637
Point taken.
I’ll agree with your summation.
Wow. Hume just succumbed to retarded ching-chong logic.
What is wrong with the kitten, Anne?
He makes a salient point about the music biz.
I nonetheless stand by my assertion that
there have been plenty of ugly singers
that made it and were heavily marketed
by their record labels.
Also, I’m not really awake yet and that
video was truly disturbing.
ARRRGGGHHH!! Why, Hume? Why?? I didn’t watch the video until you made that comment because I thought it was just another fat chick video… the url is heavy.com after all. Now my mind has been violated by disturbing weirdness!!
I need massive amounts of LSD so I may forget about that faggy little boy and his faggy unicorns. That kid is a bigger loser than my kid.
I think you guys have been a little harsh on Pink though. First, I don’t think she’s ugly. Second, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her titties. If it weren’t for women like her, people wouldn’t realize how fabulous and outstanding my titties are.
ha ha!!! Nun’s backhanded compliment of Pink is what it’s all about.
If it wasn’t for Ben no one would think me smart. Ching chong durrrrr!
Exhibit A in my Pink argument:
http://photos1.blogger.com/photoInclude/blogger/4479/3065/1600/pink.1.jpg
Whew - just got back from the Post Office. I waved placards at the sinners and shouted that God didn’t want them to pay taxes.
I’d like to be in the Pink.
You guys are pussies who don’t know how to show your love for God. I picked a perch on a building across the street from the post office, took out my rifle and picked people off one by one as they attempted to sin against God by paying their taxes. I hope I make the national news with my “Mission of Carnage and Mayhem for God”. I figure carnage and mayhem is the most effective way of spreading God’s Divine Word.
I SO LOVE THAT KID IN THE VIDEO! Thank you, Josh, for making me lust in my heart for a cute teen with a fabulous theological message!
Yeah, the Bible says “render unto Caesar.” But Caesar’s fuckin dead (like Hume). So keep your money! Buy unicorn feed!
The kitten has an upper respiratory infection and a separate infection in his eyes. He should be eating solid food, but he’s barely drinking from a bottle.
i’m a divine comment machine!!!!
if only they could make my mini-dick bigger.
Nun,
I killed a postal worker, took his uniform and ID. I then clocked in this morning at the local post office. As people handed me their taxes I smiled and put then in my bag. I’m burning them right now. These heathens will obey God whether they know it or not!!!!
cracka,
Its because you use the shotgun approach. You post so much that something has got to be funny.
Anne,
This sounds harsh but why are they even trying if he has an upper respiratory infection? How old is he?
Cracka,
You fucker!
You have a penis. You stole the black penis that Josh stole. And why does God have such a Divine Hard-On for you anyway? Did you give Him good head or what?
Josh,
That’s more subtle than my plan but I like it. Subtlety is for retards though… just so you know.
i did? huh.
i musta been drinking cuz i don’t remember so good.
well, not only do i have a penis, but a black one at that.
woohoo!
josh is right. i use the shit/wall approach. if i throw enough, some of it’s bound to stick—-and i give great head—–in a totally non-gay way.
ha! Giving head in a non-gay way? who are you marlin Brando?
http://laragmag.com/marlon-brandos-shocking-gay-photo/
You don’t remember so good because you’re not very bright.
And yes, you did. You’d know that if you watched my fucking video!
No worries though, you will lose it. At this moment, Josh is plotting his revenge and you shall experience it on video soon.
Nun,
where’s the video with your tits in it?
You weren’t supposed to be bested by a cracka and lose the black penis you were sporting, retard. All hope is not lost though… keep an eye out for my videos and maybe you’ll see my luscious ta-tas.
bright enough to realize the glaring fact that you’re a whore.
I’ve found Ben’s origin!!!
http://www.motifake.com/fire-drunk-demotivational-poster-478.html
I’m not a whore, you’re just an idiot.
Holy cow, Josh, you broke the code! I wondered where he came from.
hmm…let’s review the facts:
nun’s a whore.
i got like a billion divine comments.
nun’s a whore.
looks like you’re a whore, nun.
make the best of it, whore.
Poor Cracka can’t be original.
poor nun can’t keep her legs together.
You know, Cracka, you’re so stupid you’re not even worth talking to.
yet here you are. typing away. every day.
it’s like you’re addicted to stupid.
how many???
one
one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was just repeating after josh because i’m happy for him.
was that the answer you were looking for cracka?
yes, thanks. us stupids need people to reassure us when we complete simple equations like 0+1=1. turns out i was right!!! you’re a smart colored!!!
only three more quickenings till God gives me back my sack!!!
AHAHAHA! Once again, Josh uses his skills to steal Cracka’s quickening!
Next, Cracka will damn Josh, and Nun will make fun of Cracka’s penis. At some point, aged zombie Hume will drop in some blank verse, and Anne will tell us about Teenzilla’s latest escapade, cheering Cracka slightly.
Poor Josh, so lost without his ballsac.
Oh yeah, Ben will comment, and Cracka will tell him to Shut. Up.
i don’t know, for a nutless, sleep depraved guy i think he’s doing all right.
you hang in there, homey…or should i say:
DAMN YOU, JOSH!!!!! I WILL MURDER YOU WHERE YOU USED TO SLEEP!!!!
What the fuck is in the water in Tracy, California? I was reading the comments on a page for Sandra Cantu and somebody brought up this past case that I had forgotten took place in Tracy.
http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090401/A_NEWS/90401010/-1/RSS02
ben should move there.
i watched the x files last night at 1:00 on scifi.
it made me realize that i miss that show, too.
It was on Scifi or TNT? SciFi stopped showing it several months ago and I’ve been cursing them ever since. If they’ve started showing it again, I’ll stop putting evil spells of death and disease on them.
I really, really miss The X-Files.
it was on scifi.
it used to be on every day. then it was gone.
it was on late night for some reason.
i drank like 8 beers at band practice, though, so it’s possible i’m wrong. plus, i’m stupid.
You are pretty stupid but per SciFi.com, they have indeed added it back on the schedule at 2 am. It would be nice if TNT or SciFi would put it on during the day. Fuckers.
SUNDAY, NOV. 22, 2009
i think i’ll make the two minute drive over to the dome to watch my beloved football team run over nun’s beloved “football” team.
oh, there may be some smack talked that week.
the vikings have their bye during week 9.
then it’s three consecutive home games against detroit, seattle, chicago. might be toufh to win here during that stretch.
toufh? i don’t know. why not? toufh it is!
Nun,
stop being a cheap bastard and just buy the complete set of X Files so you don’t have to rely on some crappy cable network for your fix.
also, do you collect things x file themed, like the Sex Files porno? (I just made that up but I bet it exists)
Today is Teenzilla’s 15th birthday, so I took her out for a two-martini lunch. She’s back in school now. You should have seen her staggering down the corridor. It was so cute!
The important question is, what does burro think of X-Files? Is it possible to be Nun’s friend if you hate X-Files?
i think she does have the DVDs. she just thinks the x files should be on all the time…just in case she doesn’t want to walk to the DVD player. after all, she has to carry those ginormous fatbags around like bowling balls in a laundry bag. she keeps the ash tray in her cleavage—which is more like a fault line on a relief map than the cleavage you’re used to seeing in new york.
really, josh! do i have to explain everything to you???
you’re almost as stupid as i am!!
you’re such a good terrible mother, johnson. if only you believed in something.
oh, her tits also double as a tv tray.
almost forgot.
Josh is retarded. I do indeed own the DVDs, the old sets and the new fangled slim sets. I also own the VHSs for the episodes they put out. I just hate to pick out episodes to watch so I prefer some programmer does it for me. I’m lazy and indecisive that way.
As for my Burro, he is, or was, my 1013 connection. He is not as big of a fan as I am but he worked with those fellas and is enough of a fan to not warrant my killing him.
but cracka that is highly irrational. I mean her being upset for others not loving the X-Files as much as she does would be like a fat loveless idiot coming to this blog and being upset that others do not love God the way she does,
loser kid! get in here and heat your whorey mother up some totino’s pizza rolls! don’t set them directly on my tits, dumbass, get one of those non-biodegradable styrofoam plates out of the sink!! i don’t know, just scrape it into the dog dish under the trailer!! you are such a fucking loser!! this is why god hates you!!!!!!
As for The SeX Files… I don’t own it but I’d like to.
josh, once again you have blown my mind.
you’re a credit to your race.
someday i may even respect you as an equal.
And yes, I do collect X-Files related items. I have quite a collection actually.
do you have a vibrator called “the mulder”?
Nun,
if you have the DVDs and you’re just lazy and indecisive then everyday I could say a random episode and you watch it. Then you will have someone else deciding for you. Today you should watch the one where the internet whore sends the retarded asian pictures of her tits. That’s a classic.
You’re an idiot as there is no such episode. As for picking an episode, if I did that as I have before, I just end up watching the same episodes over and over again.
watch “Space” season 1 episode 8.
You’re welcome.
tonight watch the 5th ep of season 4. done. now you can concentrate on your “clients” at the truckstop.
Ugh… “Space” sucks.
And I suspect you know the show well enough to know that. It’s like somebody telling me to watch “The Field Where I Died” which is what Cracka just told me to do. Fuckers. 
Seriously… all those good episodes and you two morons pick two of the worst episodes of all time. Bastards!
i was random about it. season 6, episode 2.
yeah it was random.
Season 3, Episode 8: Oubliette
“Drive” which is a relatively decent episode… do you not know the episodes by name, Cracka?
“Oubliette” is a decent episode as well. It’s kind of sad.
Neither “Drive” or “Oubliette” would be too terrifying if Anne is paying attention.
don’t know them by name, no.
i’ve seen all of them at least once, though.
most of them twice.
some of them more.
i don’t have the DVDs, just netflixed ‘em.
think i’ll start over soon.
#242: I’m paying attention, but there’s not a single DVD player that works in this house. Even my computer drive is fucked up. However, if I can get a DVD player up and running, Nun, I will ask you for the funniest/least frightening episodes, because I know my older daughter would love the show. She’s a Twin Peaks freak. Anything David Lynch. Which of course I do not share with her.
Don’t tell me now, though. I’ll ask when I can put the watching into gear.
Oh, snap! Cracka, did you say they’re on SciFi at 2:00 a.m.? I can DVR them!
Actually I should say that Teenzilla can DVR them. I can’t work the damn thing.
Then I’ll probably get the six scariest ones, where the aliens slowly eat Mulder from the inside out and then skitter across the floor like flesh-eating zombie spiders.
Oubliette has a 15 year old girl in it!!!!!
If that’s not a tie in for Anne’s ramblings here today I don’t know what is.
Don’t start DVRing them now, Anne. They’re just starting season 8 and if your heir hasn’t seen any of them, she’ll just be confused.
Anne,
All your DVD players broken huh? I bet your Beta Max is in tip top shape though.
And to answer the question about the sick kitten:
The lady who runs the shelter where I volunteer is fucked up. She should kill way more cats than she kills. It’s not a no-kill shelter, but she’s totally soft about these sick ones. She tries to get them well. Once when she was on vacation, she directed her replacement to bring me a whole litter … three hours old. Every one of them died before I could even build a decent pentagram.
This lady has a daughter with cystic fibrosis who is sick all the time. I think the worry over her daughter causes her to try to save all the sick cats. How retarded is that?
I think I might have had some siblings of this little sick kitten. He’s polydactyl and a tuxedo cat. Last fall I had another litter with a polydactyl tuxedo cat. WHY DON’T MUTHAFUCKAS SPAY THEIR CATS????
Also, season 8 is a poor time to be introduced to Agent Scully, one of the most kick-ass female characters ever created. She cries a lot in seasons 8 & 9.
#248: Let me know when to begin collecting on DVR.
#249: My blessed beta max! How I miss it!
I WANT THAT KITTEN!! I love the tuxedos and I love the sickly babies that need the extra special care.
Sorry, Nun. If he lives, I’m grooming him for May Day slaughter. Plus, they gave him a totally gay name. Herbie. I can’t even call him that. The Tree Gods won’t be satisfied with the sacrifice of a kitten named Herbie.
Quoth Anne’s cat, nevermore.
shut up, ben
This is one of my babies. I’ll post more pics later of the rest of my babies.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019075&id=1539363531&l=be1ec2b378
Friggin scary! This kitten I’ve got here is a ringer for your baby! I mean a ringer!
If I knew how to use the digital camera, I would prove it.
I think this kitten has a little more white, but the face is the same.
That’s my Chile mow. I rescued her and then found out she was pregnant.
cats are for lonely women and crazy people.
She’s got a little double in New Jersey.
Have you ever seen this site? It’s hysterical.
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl
Men who like cats are great lovers!
men who like cats are great lovers…of other men.
Cracka, maybe if you rubbed a pussy you’d get more pussy.
If you live alone with several cats
you’re not really alone
because you have several cats.
i’m not trying to play the field, johnson. i’m married.
the field has been narrowed drastically.
cats are okay. if you like evil animals that haunt your house and despise you for holding them captive against their will.
God hates me for loving cats. And having a vagina. God hates vaginas unless He’s fucking it. Even then, He still hates the woman the vagina is attached to. He just likes to fuck vaginas.
Fucking Brits.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090415/us_nm/us_octuplets
If they want the cow, let them support her. Fucking Brits.
I agree with Cracka on this one.
Show me a man who loves cats, and I will show you a man who has been anally probed, probably by another man who loves cats.
nun, why do you care about shit like that?
forgot one:
men who love cats…are pretending to love cats so they can sleep with a hot her who has a cat.
doesn’t sound like much of a strategy to me.
date rape is much better.
by “hot her” i mean hot girl.
for some reason my stupidity took over.
or my lack of sleep.
or i’m trying to coin some hip new slang.
I’ve never known a dude to pretend to love a cat. I’ve seen many pretend to tolerate them.
never pretend to love a pussy when you can just date rape it.
I got anally probed by aliens, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
Cracka,
I care because I think it’s sending out the wrong message… use the system and get ahead. What the fuck are we teaching our kids??
Cracka, do you steal the patient’s drugs so you can mix up some date rape drugs?
Octo-mom is trying to trademark the name “Octo-mom.” FUCKED UP.
I can’t pretend to read God’s mind, but I won’t be surprised to see #270 named Divine Quote of the Day.
too bad Octo-mom is an idiot. She did not coin the term and it’s been used publicly for months now.
We have two cats in permanent residence here, and Mr. Johnson is quite fond of one of them. He also enjoys the foster kittens. I can vouch for the fact that this man has never been anally probed except while under general anesthesia in the hands of a proctologist.
I’ve always used Indian (from India, idiots) proctologists, they have much slimmer hands/fingers.
Mr. Johnson is quite fond of one of them when Mrs. Johnson is watching. When you aren’t around, he taunts them.
Nun! Do I have to play Bridgette here? Octo-mom teaches all good girls that none of their eggs should go to waste!
Those children had a right to be born with multiple disabilities to a single-parent household where their mom spends all her time getting collagen treatments and planning how to make money off the misfortune of others.
Bridgette, if you’re reading this, you should send part of your WIC money to Octo-mom.
Anne,
He loves you and not the cats. Trust me. Install a hidden camera and watch when in time for sports on the TV and Mr. Johnson kicks your cat off the couch.
you think he’s fond of one of them. he’s just staring at it, pretending it’s a dog or an athletically gifted son or a beer.
think i covered all the stereotypes nicely there.
Octo mom was offered like a million bucks to do a porno. I really don’t know who would pay to see that abused snatch.
I was channelling Cracka on that one.
He may be thinking “Cat…mmmm…cat…let’s have Chinese takeout for dinner!”
you forgot one cracka: he stares at it like it’s a warm non saggy tit.
No, Yo Yo, it’s the other way around. The cats suck up to Mr. Johnson when I’m not around. The minute they hear my voice, they come bounding to me. It pisses him off in this cold weather, when they’re warming his lap.
Speaking of cold weather, Yo Yo … do you have this fuckin Easterly Flow going on in Maine? It’s been raining here for three days and cold as hell.
I know Josh is dealing with this. For Nun and Cracka, cold cloudy weather is a way of life. But for us here in the East, it’s sucky.
I overheard a couple talking in a Chinese restaurant:
“I like cats.”
“Me too. Let’s trade recipes.”
No man on earth would say, “Can we keep this kitten?” if he didn’t really mean it. Not after two decades of marriage, anyway.
It’s clear and 50 degrees here Anne, I ditched the parka and am enjoying the mild weather.
haha! anne is a sucker!
a man will say what he thinks you want him to say if it means not hearing you nag or it means getting up in those vulture legs.
come on anne you should have learned that back in salem
53 degrees here, a little cloudy but not bad
Supposed to remain clear, and get up to 60 degrees later in the week.
Did anyone hear the eulogy for Marilyn Chambers? THe preacher said, “They are together again.”
I was confused at first, then realized he was talking about her legs.
ba-zing!!!!!
josh-285
harder! HARDER! YES!!! HARDER!!! not too hard, though. another kid might fall out.
i am sure there is a place for her porn on the internet. horrible shit here. if you don’t believe me google ass smoothie. a friend sent it to me as a joke. i’m going to punch him in the ear when i see him
cracka is staying at work late just for this
one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one!!
fucker. i’m too busy to get here in time.
fucking josh.
fucking almost dead josh.
! Cheated again! Looks like cracka better get some Divine Comment of the Day awards, or he’s never going to grow!
wait a minute. i’m having the best weather? 70 and sunny, nice breeze.
this is a first.
Just Googled ‘ass smoothies’, Josh, beat on your friend for me, will yah?
i don’t know if i’ve thrown down anything worth of divinity today, yoyo.
let’s review:
nun’s a whore, boobs double as a tv tray, date rape is better than charm, shut up, ben.
hmm…tough call.
Well…consider the other comments. You may win by default.
poop on yo face!
was that an attempt at a poopFACE?
no cracka, that was ben making a pass at you.
next thing you know he’ll send you a free day pass to his dick sucking factory. careful, I heard he loves cats
ooooooooooh, i see.
ben wants to play with my poop.
i’ll say this in retard so he understands:
ben, shut. the. fuck. (extra long pause)
up.
FUCK!
70 degrees in fuckin Wisconsin, 53 degrees in Maine, 49 and FREAKIN RAINING LIKE OOBLEK in New Jersey!
Josh, are you stuck in this Nor’Easter?
Small comfort that Teenzilla’s birthday is a rainout.
Nor’Easter? I just looked out my window, it’s sunny. I’m about to go out and do a show.
I don’t know in what cursed town you live Anne, but in BK it’s very nice except for all the white people on the streets. and asians.
johnson, are you accusing me of living in wisconsin?
because that would be like accusing josh of living in new jersey.
Speaking of rainouts, did you pukes hear about Harry Kalas? He was Philly’s baseball play-by-play announcer since Noah. Keeled in Washington, DC the other day (for paying his taxes).
I just heard on the radio that there’s gonna be a viewing of Kalas at the freakin Phillies baseball stadium on Saturday morning! Open to all!
They’ll boo the guy for being dead.
My bad, Cracka. I thought you were a Green Bay fan.
Don’t want to open that canna worms again. It’s Minnesota, right?
Oh, shit. Too long since football season. Of course, you like the Vikes!
Time for a liquid restorative. The lunchtime martini has long since worn off.
MY GOD! A GREEN BAY FAN!
THAT’S LIKE ACCUSING JOSH OF BEING WHITE!
boo him for being dead…ha!
I told ya nobody cared, Cracka. And you thought I was just being mean.
whore.
i see that ben has properly shut up.
just making sure the rest of you are properly fucking off to your copies of either the SeX Files or Octo-slut.
check and check.
said, bitches.
I don’t have The SeX Files, DAMN YOU!!
I’d so totally watch it though.
It kills me how people in the middle of this country expect the rest of us to keep their damn states straight. I consider everything west of Pittsburgh and east of Barstow to be Jesusville.
Here’s my babies, Anne. One is not pictured and he is also a tuxedo. As you can see, I have one gray cat who fucks everything all up by being gray. He’s a loser just like my kid.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019075&id=1539363531&l=be1ec2b378
So?
That was for Anne’s randomness.
Jesusville is not a bad name for a shitty garage band.
Nun, was it planned, or is it a coincidence that all your babies have a blaze on their noses?
I love cats. Sue me. I love friggin cats, I never met a cat I didn’t adore. Cats are proof that the REAL gods are Egyptian. Hail Isis, and fuck the rest!
The last time I tried to load photos onto FB, I failed. Duhhhh. I suck at computers. I may try again, though, cuz I have pics of my fosters.
Nun, if you keep me informed as to when to start recording X Files, I’ll let you know when my fosters hit PetFinder.
We’re giving God a new thing to hate: touchy-feely cat stuff on His Holy Blog!
It’s all good, Hume. You seem to like The X-Files so you can do no bad in my book. Unlike that retarded chinky-chang who doesn’t realize the brilliance that is The X-Files.
I always liked the map that made the internet rounds when Bush stole his second election… half the fucking country was JesusLand.
Nun, your cats are awesome. The best pussy belongs to Nun!
I’ll let you know about The X-Files, Anne. Truthfully, she could start watching them now, I’ve known other fans who got hooked in the 8th season but that’s when Mulder was abducted and I just think it would be confusing. That’s just my opinion though.
As for my babies… it was just a happy coincidence or genetics… the last two pics are the babies of the first pic. Wait till you see the last one… he has a smidgen of black underneath his eyes that make it look like he’s wearing eyeliner. The second pic is my old man.
As for the fosters… I’d love to have that little tux you have now but as you can see, my hands are full when it comes to feline friends.
I do have the best pussy, Anne. Thanks. I also have some pretty good cats.
I like the X Files, I’ve seen all the episodes. I mean I don’t know all their names or numbers, but it was a good show. I watched it when it came on Fox. I just don’t live my life around the X Files, although I would totally make sweet sweet love to Gillian Anderson. She is one of the hottest women going, I think it’s because her character was smart (smarter than that fairy loving Moulder)
I’ll drink to that, Josh.
Gillian Anderson is smokin. Hell of an actress, too.
How about that one where Mulder joins the bank robbers
and whatnot?
Even the first season of that show — usually an anomaly — kicked ass.
As far as cats go, I kind of admire their arrogance and
the fact they’re so aloof. They’re like ‘fuck you,’ I’ll hang out with you if I want.
Having said, I can’t fucking stand shedded cat hair
all over the couch.
Anyone’s couch. Especially if I’m wearing black clothes.
Whenever I pass out on Anne’s couch - ugh.
Leaving the next morning, covered in cat hair
and hungover and full of regret.
God, this site is tempting me to watch the X-Files! Tell them to stop! I can’t resist the peer pressure!
Hume. Oh please. If you passed out on my couch, it would be because Mr. Johnson decked the shit out of you.
If you’re hungover in my house, you’d better have brought your own.
Any regrets you have probably stem from eating Teenzilla’s Cheez-Its.
The cat hair part is accurate.
Divine.
Please don’t smite her with a penis!
hume-as soon as scarecrow doll vomit is done, jesusville will begin rocking out stinky drunk style.
congratulations, whore. you’ve finally done something with your life.
johnson, as outlined in this map, i don’t live in jesusland.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jesusland_map.svg
Anne,
Nun has been smote with many penises, mostly about the face and neck.
HA!! I knew it was carnage and mayhem. Thanks, God!
Josh - 336: I know, I was just giving you shit for not liking the new movie.
Hume- 337: The Pine Bluff Variant… good episode and they busted up Mulder’s finger. And Gillian Anderson is amazing. She’d done it as Scully but she really shined in Bleak House… the woman can express so much with just a look on her face.
And Cracka… I’m a fucking idiot just like you. It was TNT that stopped showing The X-Files several months ago. SciFi never stopped and I don’t even know why I fucked that up in my slutty little brain. But I’M STILL NOT A WHORE!
MOTHER FUCKER!!
That’s not smoting, Josh. That’s simply foreplay.
Odd, odd, odd… one of the local radio stations is having the same discussion that Hume and Josh have been having about ugly chicks in music. One guy was mentioning all the people Hume mentioned and the other guy kept shooting him down with “pre-video”. I thought that was kind of shitty… being too lazy to come up with your own argument and stealing one from God’s Holy and Divine Blog.
we are so stupid.
almost all the docs are at some all day training seminar. you know what that means? i’ll pretty much be posting gibberish on the tubes all day. i hope you guys are ready for some prime stupid.
i think i need to netflix me some x files. it’s been roughly 4 years since i watched the series front to back.
Great show… I sure do miss it.
Yay! Happy Cracka Day!
FUCK! I just noticed I don’t add to my disciple total if I capitalize my name.
classic stupid ben move.
what a loser.
mediocre at best.
i miss bridgette, that cunt is hilarious.
and smoggy, that kiwi twat really knew how to insult an americanus.
I’m home today too, working on a screenplay.
Cracka, you gotta admit it’s easier to confuse Wisconsin and Minnesota than it is to confuse New York and New Jersey. Come on. Be a man and admit that you live in a boring place that you try to enliven by playing in a band.
Anne,
What’s your screenplay about?
It’s based on true story that happened near Philly. A high school football player got hurt on a play, wound up quadriplegic, lived that way for 20 years and then went for an assisted suicide from Kevorkian.
I’m thinking this is a perfect Seth Rogen vehicle.
sounds hilarious.
i don’t know, johnson. i’ve been to places in new jersey, pretty sure (by pretty sure, i mean 100%) that minneapolis is waaaaaaaay better.
new york, on the other hand, is the best place in the world…and the worst.
that being said, i’ve spent enough time on each coast to get used to a bunch of assholes who are so obsessed with their image that they can’t have fun because they don’t talk to each other because they are busy trying to show off their designer sunglasses. so, yeah, i can see how you’d mistake that for excitement.
also,
the midwest is 95% weird.
Josh is gonna get that script greenlit Anne. It sounds like the perfect script for Blackutainment Studios.
95%? Are you in the majority?
Josh, will the film need a ‘fluffer’? ben’s available…
Great idea Yo. By hiring Ben as my fluffer i get a two-for. I mean he’s worked in the dick sucking factory for years and I meat my affirmative action quota by employing a true retard!
meet!!!! not meat. mother fucker.
actually, josh, in this case meat pretty much fits.
all right, johnson, send us what you got. we have all day for rewrites. ben is practicing his “pretend” dick-sucking. this thing is going to be huge.
There’s only one problem, Josh. In order for it to be employment, you’d have to pay Ben. And I’m sure he’d do it for free, so he might not add to your quota.
Also I’m sure that handicapped people will love this movie. It will confirm their suspicions that everybody wishes they would just die.
Mr. Johnson and I do have a producer. Who has no money and an agent who is strangely cool to the material. So we’re bona fide where Hollywood is concerned.
I’m on my seventh re-write, Cracka. I think this time I’ll change the hetero angle to a homo angle. Give Ben an audition.
I think I’ll take a break from this little light comedy and do my laundry. That’s how enthusiastic I am about writing it.
WHOA! Did you just combine a gay movie with a euthanisa movie? Make that athlete a gay cowboy who eats pudding and you’ve got Oscar Gold!
“you mean, i’ll never make love again, doc?”
“sorry, son, but you can always get a job at the dick sucking factory.”
Ben seems pretty keen on a gay cowboy pudding themed movie. I guess during his shifts at the factory he dreams about the one that got away.
LOL!
the world is full of crazy people:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/shadowplay/35580398/
That guy is a local boy. Whidbey Island is in the beautiful Pac NW.
the article said: “He recently moved to the Island, is looking for work”
Good luck with that! I’m sure employers are beating down his door. Freakin ThunderCat wannabe.
The article is old. And some people don’t judge based on a person’s appearance.
Not his appearance - his mindset. Freakish.
I agree with Yo Yo on this one.
Can you imagine him at McDonald’s asking, “Do you want hot apple pie with that?” he’d scare the kiddies.
So Nun, would you bang him?
She’s drooling (in several orifices) even as we speak.
John Madden is retiring! http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/John-Madden-retires-from-NBC-after-29-seasons-in?urn=nfl,156802
What will Frank Caliendo do now?
who will mention brett favre’s name every 30 seconds during games completely unrelated to brett favre??!!!
boom! pow! prependicular to the goal line! bam! slobberknocker! the team that scores the most points has a good chance of winning this game!! favre!!
prependicular?
he makes all his money in video games, sports casting is just a hobby now
‘prependicular’ is what you are until you some more quickenings.
‘prependicular’ is what you are until you some more quickenings.
Wow - deja view.
Yo was right about the “freakish mindset”, Josh. He, most likely, would have trouble working with the public but if he was in an office somewhere, he should be fine.
I would not bang him but I would probably hang with him… depending on how crazy he really is.
i heard catman hates x files
I actually don’t care if people I know like The X-Files or not. I’ve taken a fair amount of ribbing for liking the new movie as much as I do.
Nun said: I would not bang him but I would probably hang with him… depending on how crazy he really is.
you are judging him by his looks as well.
FYI - I heard he got his dick made to look like a lion’s leg, with a paw and all.
Catman should hang out with Cartman.
Nun,
Have you played the X files video games?
where did everyone go?
Josh - that’s better than a real cat’s prick - they have backward-facing spines! (Seriously)
I’ve never seen a cats dick, and I don’t want to know why you have
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A QUICKENED PENIS?
Josh - I’m judging him based on his crazy mindset. The guy has been profiled on local television.
Yes, I have played the X-Files video games. The first one that was for PC and PS I have for PC… good game. I like to do the wrong things and make Scully stab me with an alien killer or I’ll kill Mulder and then they show Scully putting sunflower seeds on his casket… MUAHAHAHA… it makes me feel better about myself. The game for PS2 is a good game too.
ones
one!!!!!!!!!!
Ha ha!!! that was me that said ones!!!!!
I had to log onto firefox because safari was messing up. but I got it. only 2 more till my sack is back.
fuck you, anonymous!!!!!!!!
who does a guy have to suck off in a non-gay way to get a quickening around here????!!!!!!
Probably God you fucking moron.
but God specifically designed the penis to be inserted exclusively into the vagina…with the lights off…missionary style…no vocalizations…or lubrication of any kind.
josh is lying, i claim it was me who said ones.
Are you a fucking idiot? God is freaky-deaky. He donkey punches bitches. I realize that you’re ignorant when it comes to sexual activity so I’ll explain it for you… donkey punching is usually done from the doggy-style position. He doesn’t like anal but that doesn’t mean He’s stuck with the missionary style position. Jeez, you’re a bonehead.
He allows Himself to do it. because His Divine Boner is divine. the rest of us have strict rules about fucking. it’s all in the bible right after the part about abortion and right before the part about hating poor people.
You read the bible like Bridgette does.
no, bridgette reads it while doing the female version of this:
http://www.prosebeforehos.com/image-of-the-day/04/16/safe-sex-ad-from-botswana/
Bridgette doesn’t masturbate, stupid.
#412: Neither does Cracka. You can’t play with a toy you don’t have.
johnson doesn’t pay attention to the swirling, madcap plot twists surrounding my dramatic penis dilemma. write it into your script, johnson. think i feel a cartoon coming on.
i just got masturFACEd!!!
cracka,
please don’t try to steal my quickening. I need my sack.
Oooooohhhh…. fight at Frank Spotnitz’s blog… fight, fight!!
This will matter none to any of you unless you’re a die-hard X-Files fan.
for what? i thought you had a baby already.
oh, you mean for jizzing in ben’s mouth over at the dick sucking factory.
“josh, it’s 2:00 in the morning! where have you been?!”
“honey, i was just over at the dic—i mean comedy club.”
Josh is the catcher or pitcher?
I bet when he wears his rainbow suspenders,
he catches.
hume pay attention, i was at the factory which Ben sucks dick. Clearly I am a pitcher which is technically not even gay.
like the time you slapped cracka’s taint with your balls and you went balls deep in his poop chute. It didn’t make you gay.
Did they kiss? Wear chaps?
That was so totally cool when Hume made Cracka cry like a bitch.
The sun is shining brightly, the day is glorious, and here I sit on God’s Divine Blog waiting for someone to say, “The psychiatrist will see you now.”
hume.
hume, hume, hume, hume, hume (sigh)
it’s only gay if you’re the one getting fucked AND you like it.
otherwise you’re just passing time.
it’s only gay if your balls touch.
well that clears you cracka of being gay because you hated it.
but it has come to light that while banding you from the back hume said, “oh god this man ass is the best I ever had! I’m never going back to nasty ladies and their vaginas! It’s all man hole from here on out for me!”
that makes him gay.
you’re roughly paraphrasing it, but yeah, that was pretty much how i remember it.
that settles it. cracka lost a bet and like any heterosexual male he honored his end of the deal; Hume got to go balls deep.
Hume loved it, Cracka hated it and used his free hand to make sure Hume’s balls never touched his.
Cracka = straight
Hume = gay
Doesn’t Hume want to bang Gillian Anderson? Doesn’t that make him not gay? Or at the very least, bisexual?
God,
Please make things pick up real soon so I don’t have to lay off my Burro!! Please, God. Please!!!
Looks like young josh is still mad
about that time I refused to give
him a reach-around.
And here’s the deal, young fella.
When you’re locked up, it’s not gay.
When you’re a desperate comedian, however,
looking to chug cock to pay the rent,
it’s as gay as ben and clay aiken
skipping rope.
Nun, I’d do just about whatever it took
just to glimpse a nude Gillian Anderson,
preferably clad in lingerie and angrily
explaining Mulder’s inability to communicate.
I bet that red snatch tastes delicious.
nice try hume, but when you said no to the reach around I never gave it a second thought. I just looked in my wallet and saw Ben’s card for the factory and went there.
the only thing worse than a gay who denies his fagdom, is a zombie gay who denies his fagdom.
You do look awesome in those rainbow
suspenders, though, josh.
Hume,
If you want to see Gillian nude (well topless, and she has some nice ones) check out the movies Straightheads and The Turning. They are very nice.
Anyone who uses the word ‘fagdom’
is very questionable in my book.
How was Desperate Housewives last night, josh?
is that movie on betamax?
hume,
you need to go back to God’s divine post on fags. You will see blatant use of fagdom, fagatronics, fagasaur, fagnosorus, and many more.
just google the movies, the pictures will show up. Staightheads is ok, you see her ass in a thong. The turning you get an up close and personal look at those red tipped fun bags.
how is a zombie gay worse?
sometimes it seems like you’re trying to drown me in vague platitudes that don’t even make sense. then i realize that platitudes are neither milky nor white—–nor viscous nor tough to remove from one’s hair and bedsheets
Also, thanks for clarifying things
for me, Cracka.
preesh
Fagasaur?
That’s good.
I remember years ago I bought a Celebrity Skin
and….there she was.
I ruined that mag.
my netflix queue has been updated. thanks, josh.
cracka,
I zombie gay is worse because he can’t get laid on the gay scene. None of the gays I know would sleep with the undead.
Hume wants to see Gillian Anderson naked, clad in lingerie. Can’t be both, dummy!
#443: Did you poll Ben on that one?
I want to see both, ya shrew.
Anne wants to pole Ben.
yikes
there’s a bad visual
Hume - #432, OH MY! That actually sounds like you’d like to see Scully nude if you’d like to see her explaining something to Mulder. However, as an X-Files fan, I feel I should point out that Mulder was the better communicator of the two. Scully’s stock answer to everything was “I’m fine”. Based on the new movie, I’d say that has changed a little but I’ll bet she’s still reserved.
Josh is right about Straightheads and The Turning. The Turning is not worth the time but Straightheads is pretty good. It’s a UK revenge thriller so prepare yourself for gritty realism.
Nun,
Hume nor cracka are renting those movies for plot.
Yes, I saw Cracka’s comment after I posted mine. They may be in for a shock if they bother watching all of Straightheads… if they can even find it under that title. They really shouldn’t bother with The Turning. Is it really worth it for a quick shot of her boobs?
Word to your matriarch.
Also, you guys are objectifying her… which kind of bugs me as I have a lot of respect for her but I can’t say too much since I watched Young Adam just to see Ewan McGregor’s sweet, sweet wiener.
We’re all evil objectifiers.
and yours.
it wasn’t under the title straightheads. they called it the closer…or maybe just closer.
netflix doesn’t have the turning.
and the answer, nun, is yes. yes. it’s definitely worth it. freeze frame.
“and yours”
to hume’s matria-nevermind.
it’s not so bad objectifying a little, as long you don’t mind occasionally being objectified yourself.
i’m like the devil on your shoulder, only i talk you into minor sins.
“go ahead, glance at her boobs. it’s just a little objectification. it will hurt no one.”
next thing you know, you’re checked into sexaholics anonymous like poor duchovny.
he listened to me and looked. bwahahahaha!!
It’s called “Closure”, dumbass.
I think 451 was to me, dumbass again.
And I would totally objectify Duchovny by looking at his wiener.
shut up, ben.
fuck off, non-bens.
here’s a little taste
http://www.drago99.com/Ganderson/
closure. right. that’s it.
okay, well….fuck off, whore.
Good job young josh.
She’s mentioned recently that some of those photoshoots are now embarrassing for her. Evil objectifiers. Where’s Duchovny’s penis picture?
here Nun:
http://www.aaronsgayinfo.com/celebphotos/duchovny3.html
now send me the pics of your tits. Thank you.
I’ve seen that movie, Josh, it sucked… bad. It wasn’t worth the time I spent watching the movie to see his dick flopping around as he was thrown out of the apartment. By the way, that’s Janice from Friends in the picture with him. In short, you haven’t shown me anything new so no titties for you.
but Nun, you did not ask for anything new, you just asked for a naked picture of Duchovny.
Win, Susan. Win!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnmbJzH93NU
how about this Nun, hot off the presses
http://icydk.com/2009/04/16/back-together/
True but I didn’t say I’d trade my titties for his penis. Tell you what, if you sneak into his home and take a picture of him jacking off and then send it to me, I promise you I will send you a picture of my tits.
so if i commit a federal crime, risk federal time and therefore federal ass rape all for a picture of some titties? not in the age of the internet. I got pictures of Gillian Anderson’s and all legal.
anne,
this is for yoy:
http://www.holytaco.com/30-awesomely-bad-unicorn-tattoos-gallery
Young josh I’m either impressed or disturbed
how you find these awesome
unicorn inspirations.
I wonder how many were bets.
I think the bottle nosed dolphin
hugging/boning the unicorn
is supreme.
Your world wide webbed skills
are admirable.
I wonder what type unicorn-themed tat
cracka sports?
my bet would be the one with the penis on it’s head. the real question is where he sports it. my guess is on his balls.
and hume, I don’t search out these things. they find me. all the kids today just surf the net and sent their friends stupid shit. if only the US could find a way to make use of this skill.
Excuse me, Hume. It was the unicorn boning the dolphin, not the other way around. That’s how we get narwhals.
If the unicorn is a symbol of white power, this is the first I’ve heard of it. No unicorn I’ve ever met would associate with such riff raff.
Today I’m asking the unicorns to save Nun’s Burro’s job. Burro needs his bales.
For Nun,
http://www.redbalcony.com/?vid=24747
This can only be good news, and in particular for me, who’s Swedish and suffer VERY high taxes. Thanks!
Of course Anne would find something
to bitch about.
Shocker.
Which is what she calls it when Mr. Anne
uses the unicorn-horn-shaped extender
without lubricant.
Anyhoo, I’m thinking Cracka has a tiny unicorn
on his skull, horse-whipping a Nun.
i will by the end of the weekend. thanks for the inspiration.
you need to be careful with tattoos. or you’ll end up with an ugly ass tribal band or barb wire or the tasmanian devil and then you’ll wake up in 2009 and realize it’s not 1993 and you’re a douchebag. seen it a million times. poor bastards. if ben has a tattoo it’s a hammerhead shark or a tiger or something lame.
because ben is retarded.
HAHA!! I love Graham Norton, Sharon Gless and Tyne Daly!!
For all you objectifying perverts… who’s more fuckable, Sharon Gless or Tyne Daly?
Who knew that Sharon Gless had such a good sense of humor.
Nun that’s a trick question. Stand alone Sharon Gless would “win” I guess, but no man could turn down the chance for a Cagney & Lacey threesome.
oh I forgot to mention that Tyne Daly looks like a man.
Cagney and Lacey was a great show with great fans. Scully is still one of the best damned female characters ever created but Chris Cagney is up there with her.
I thought you were going to say “Nun is one of the best female characters ever created”
Kitten on the rebound!
sorry to brake it t you Anne, but the world will not miss one kitten. That’s the business model for Lucky Panda.
Poor Josh, so retarded. First, you mistake David Duchovny’s face for his penis and then you mistake me for a character. I’M A REAL PERSON, JOSH!!
Fuckin’ retard! 
Yes Nun, you are real. You have dwarves in your vagina, you work with a talking donkey, you’re an actual Nun who God supplies weed to. My mistake.
you guys have to watch this show called “1,000 ways to die”. It’s actual crazy ways people have died and it’s voiced over by Ron Perlman who is a complete asshole on the show making fun of everyone who dies.
Josh - #491,
Yes. That’s your mistake. Don’t let it happen again, retard.
potato!!!!
Does potato come after ‘two’ or ‘three’?
Nun,
Who is the guy on the right?
http://www.hotmencentral.com/david_duchovny/pic4.shtml
how many?
potato many!!!
potato comes first
potato, orange, 5, couch!!!
po-
tayto!!!!
fucking safari, screwed me
Josh,
Are you kidding? That’s Chris Carter.
egg-sell-ent…
bwaahahahaha!!!!
Cracka finally got one this week!
Nun,
I liked the show, I don’t stalk the crew.
What channel or URL is this show on,
young Josh?
Sounds like something He would enjoy.
I’m surprised you haven’t tried to show me this one yet, Josh…
http://www.vipgalleries.net/david-duchovny/david_09.jpg
Honestly, there’s so many fans of The X-Files that are really rabid Duchovny fans that I’ve probably seen every picture that showcases his penis. I’ve even seen still shots of the show that fans have glommed onto because you can see the definition of his cock behind a speedo or pajama pants. They’ve even named his penis ‘Bob’. That’s weird.
Knowing what the creator looks like is not weird if you pay any kind of attention to what’s going on.
The speedo shot…
http://www.vipgalleries.net/celebs/david-duchovny/david-duchovny-00024.jpg
i’m afraid you are weird, nun. it’s so much better if you just accept it.
Hume,
It comes on Spike. It’s hilarious. One guy was cliff diving and he didn’t tighten up his asshole so water went in and he reversed drown. Another douche who was a lawyer would scare the new hires by running into the safety glass window in his office on the 9th floor. ONe day the safety glass wasn’t so safe.
nun,
you are weird, but it’s part of your appeal.
I am weird, Cracka but not because I know what Chris Carter looks like. That photoshoot was for Rolling Stone and any X-Files fan that was more than a casual fan knows about it.
you guys didn’t happen to see the pictures of Rupert Everett after his plastic surgery?
holy shit! on 1,000 ways to die this chick died from masturbating with a carrot!!!!
There are dumb ways to die and dumb ways to be treated after you’re dead.
http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/phillies/20090415_Phillies_Tributes_to_Harry_Kalas.html
must have been a helluva big carrot.
#516: Crap! That’s the only thing carrots are good for!
I gotta see this show.
Who is Everett?
Hume,
Check it out:
http://dlisted.com/node/31643#comments
The carrot cut the inside of the lady’s fish mitten. Air got in the cut and made it to her heart. BAM!!!! Dead.
Yikes dude.
He got Burt Reynolds-ed.
Imagine the carrot lady’s family
trying to explain what happened
at her funeral.
That would be awkward, eh?
I wonder what they did with the carrot.
Nun, you are not just a fan of X-files. You’re totally crazy about it.
You’ve been talking about it the whole day.
But I don’t see it as a problem. I also would spend a whole day talking about the lesbian show “The L Word” and how great Jeniffer Beals and Laurel Holloman look in it.
These things can drive people crazy!
Hey Ben, I told Dr. Herbman that you miss him and you are totally in love with him.
He said he would post something yesterday, I’m still waiting.
By the way…
Dear Lord, I’m really sorry but before you say we shouldn’t pay our taxes I did it.
But next year, I won’t pay it.
I’m obsessed with it, L. I can’t help it. And I could talk about The X-Files all day… that’s probably pretty evident.
They have taxes in Brazil? Wow, that’s pretty progressive for a country of monkey-fuckers.
I don’t think God would consider it as progressive. Even for country of monkey-fuckers.
Nun,
where is your x-files tattoo?
I don’t have it yet, Josh but I will someday. It will be the broken X with the flames behind it. It will either go on the back of my shoulder or where Scully had her tattoo. Haven’t decided yet. The other tattoo I plan on getting… my beloved Seahawk which will go in the other place that the X does not occupy. I have no plan for an ankle tattoo or a tramp-stamp.
you should get a tattoo of both mulder and scully. one under each boob holding it up. That way when you get older, and you regret the tattoos, gravity will ensure you don’t have to see them.
the vikings logo is cool and makes a great tattoo. the only problem is that the viking is an aryan thing in prison. so you have to be explicit about it being the VIKINGS logo and not that you hate black people.
i like the seahawks logo. it would look good.
she could get the vikings tattoo right next to her fish mitten. that way if anyone sees it they will not call her racist because the tattoo will be right next to a black penis.
I love Mulder and Scully but I do not want tattoos of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson on my body. That’s weirder than I care to be.
Make a tatoo.
I like the idea to make a Tatto for The L Word.
# 535
i like 535 as well. took a while to set up the punchline, but it was worth it.
Josh, you deserve a Divine for that.
you should get a tattoo of jennifer beals licking your hoo-hah, L.
that would probably hurt a lot.
There was an X-Files episode where they talked about “hoo-hahs” but the “hoo-hah” was a penis and not a pussy. You’re so stupid, Cracka.
I can’t make a tatoo of Jeniffer Beals licking me.
My wife would punish me.
Sometimes punishment is good.
Not if she stops licking me.
She could spank you for being a naughty L.
That sounds good
Yes, yes… a spanking for being naughty, naughty is good.
Naughty is perfect!
But now, I got to go.
Bye bye
The truth is out there.
wouldn’t it be crazy if mulder was out there looking for the truth this whole time and it was just under his couch? always the last place you look.
that’s gotta be frustrating.
Him damnit, scully! it was right here the whole time!
The truth is probably hiding behind Mulder’s porn collection.
I’ve never tried the L thing. Dreamed about it, never did it. Had some offers, didn’t take ‘em. I just dig dudes.
Nun, I admire your devotion to X Files. In fact, I admire it so much that over the summer, I promise that my daughter Train Wreck and I will watch the whole thing. I’ll tell you where we are, and you can warn me about when to leave the room!
Train Wreck is on her way home from college for the weekend. She’s the fuck-up who doesn’t drink, smoke, have a boyfriend (or girlfriend), or do drugs. Goddamn dean’s list! She’s a disgrace to the name of Pagan.
Anne,
be honest, is she fat and ugly?
Train Wreck is neither. You’re on my FB, you can check out Corky St. Clair. That’s Train Wreck. I guess she didn’t want to use her real name on Facebook.
Teenzilla is Olivia. If you look at her profile pic, you will fall prostrate before God and thank Him that you had a male child.
Burro thought Olivia looked like trouble. He’s a wise Burro.
Oh, pukes! The one L who made me an offer that I considered is STILL ASKING ABOUT ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!
Never too late to start a whole new life!!!!!
anne,
ask the L if she would be down with both you and Mr. Johnson. I’m sure he would not mind, unless of course she’s fat and ugly
The last time I saw her she was gorgeous. And smart - Ivy Fuckin League. But she wanted nothing to do with dudes. NADA. The CIA is littered with the hearts she broke, cuz that’s where we mostly grew up, in MD/WV Panhandle.
I just checked. She doesn’t have a FB. Why did I check? Cuz I would so fuck her today, if she wasn’t fat and ugly.
Never FB when drunk. My ex is on there too.
He has no friends! 
I’m gonna start a group: “People Who Wish Hume Cronyn Would Stay Dead.”
I am a devoted X-Files fan. I’m the best fan they have, DAMN IT!!
They should give me money.
Train Wreck looks younger than Teenzilla.
#560 Anne your stock just went up!!!!!
I find it so endearing, Anne, that you think I care.
Nonetheless, that’s actually a good working
title.
Let me know how that works out for you.
You know, I hope Cracka is taking notice that Anne and Hume never throw a little bitch fit and call the other “big ol’ meanies!”.
The VA was giving vets HIV on Bush’s watch y’all…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090417/ap_on_re_us/veterans_colonoscopies
I found a likeness of Anne:
http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Image:Catlady.jpg
Nun, I hope I’m able to insult Cat Lady
in an effective manner
that she so richly deserves.
Also, that Hulu deal has some excerpts from X Files,
which is kinda cool.
I never saw XF2, but loved the first one.
How was the sequel?
Anne… my last baby is up…
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019075&id=1539363531&l=be1ec2b378
but you probably already passed out.
I prefer your way over Cracka’s, Hume. Cracka is just gross.
I liked XF2. There’s no aliens, some people were upset about that but I didn’t mind it at all. Most of my favorite episodes did not have aliens. Josh will say it’s crap but Josh is retarded.
Nun,
HOw many cats do you have? Are you a cat lady? IN your house with your cats all named after X files people, complaining about the weather and the government conspiracy to keep you down?
Josh,
Cats are my favorite animals but I’m really an animal person. I try to keep my cats down to a level that makes me not the “crazy cat lady”. I have 4 cats in the house right now. My female, the first one pictured, has been rehomed to a wonderful friend. The only reason I have 4 is that she had babies and I was unable to find homes for 3 of them and I wouldn’t take them to a shelter. My old man is nearing the end of his mortal existence and soon it will be three cats. I also have a bird, tortoise and a dog and my son has his rat. Believe it or not, the only animal with an XF name is my dog… Scully who likes to lick her butt. One of my cats is named Artoo but other than that, they’re all just normal names not affiliated with any franchise whatsoever.
I love animals too, but I would not own any in NYC as there is not enough room to let them do animal things.
I used to have lizards, tree frogs, fish, a dog, and a bunch of different kinds of newts. Ahhh back when I had a house an not living the NYC life.
If I make it big I’m getting a monkey butler. I will name him Ben.
whew! it’s a good thing you’ll never make it big then.
Shut up monkey butler ben, and fetch a beer.
boomerang-FACE!!!!
Josh, I need your expert opinion.
Friday night I took my daughters Train Wreck and Teenzilla to see “Observe and Report.” A couple of their friends went along too. I only stayed because I didn’t feel like driving home from the cinema.
Is it me, or are the current crop of first-tier comedians sucky to the max?
How does Seth Rogen do it? He fuckin SUCKS. That was the worst movie I have ever seen! I totally stand by that. “Lonely Lady” is brilliant in comparison.
Seth Rogen is NOT FUCKIN FUNNY. Who did he fuck to get where he is today?
Never again. Burnt once with “Pineapple Express.” Burnt twice — third degree — with “Observe.” Seth does not get any more of my hard-earned cash. Fuck that fat ugly unfunny fuck.
#576: Exceptions: Harold and Kumar, Jay and Silent Bob.
God, please put the hate on Seth Rogen. If I could turn back time, I would take the $30 I spent on movie tickets for “Observe and Report” and buy an ounce of sweet, sweet, chiba.
ARRRRRHHHGGHGHG!
Now I’m even more pissed off!!!! 
You can buy an ounce of chiba for 30 bucks in south Jersey?? holy fuck!
Anne,
Thanks to Will Ferrell (he is very funny) all comedies now follow the same 1, 2 formula. Shitty character, arrogant, gets in trouble, learns the error of his ways. Judd Apatow makes these movies super cheap and he puts all his buddies in them, aka Seth Rogan. I personally thought Pineapple Express was pretty funny, I thought Superbad was marginal and the main character was a rip off of the character played by the same actor on Arrested Development. Get ready for Funny People coming to a theater near you.
What can you do Anne, Woody Allen ain’t make movies like he used to. He;s to busy getting his diaper changed by that asian whore.
Superbad was funny dude. And some of those people are very funny, like Danny McBride. Anyone here seen ‘Eastbound and Down’ on HBO? Kenny Powers is fucking hilarious.
Josh - #572, ahhh… a reptile and amphibian lover such as I am. You have secured a special place in my cold, dead heart, retard.
Judd Apatow and Will Ferrell do “teen-age boy humor”. That’s why Ben thinks it’s funny and more intelligent viewers think it’s stupid.
Woody Allen was never funny and now he’s just a creepy old man.
Woody Allen was never funny, but some of his early movies are hilarious despite having him in them. “Bananas” is hysterical, especially the first 10 minutes.
Christopher Guest makes formula movies too, like “A Mighty Wind” and “Best of Show.” But those all are funny. This latest Will Ferrell-inspired series of comedies are uniformly awful. Granted I haven’t seen too many of them, and Teenzilla likes them. But even Teenzilla hated “Observe and Report.” If you can’t please a 15-year-old who thinks “Dodgeball” is funny, you’re screwed.
Buzzards are going to Sundance!
I’m only in this a little, but it’s still a nice short film.
http://www.eastcoastvulturefestival.org/galleries.htm#video
Nun - I don’t care who you are, Superbad was funny. Also, if you could afford HBO you’d know that Kenny Powers is the funniest fucking show to come along in 10 years.
Seth Rogen at 13:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-aZogWeiyU&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Ffrostedtips.blogspot.com%2F2009%2F04%2Fmy-highschool-is-near-7-11.html&feature=player_embedded
#586:
I never met anyone who was better at 13 than as an adult, so why would I want to see Seth Rogen at 13? Stop. Linking. Ben.
Anne, if that was you doing the vulture rap,
I have to say, I’m kinda impressed.
Sad to say, Hume, I was the one in the big furry vulture suit. I only had about a second of footage, but I’m sure I will become a star through this modest filmmaking vehicle.
The part where the vulture pulls the organs out of the dead squirrel is worth the price of admission, and funnier than anything in a Seth Rogen movie.
Some of the vulture footage is fabulous. I adore buzzards
Woody Allen had some good movies.
I liked Match Point, very good movie.
Anne have you ever been to Hawk Mountain? Great place to camp and see vultures and of course hawks.
so close to the 600 post and the thread ends because God posted a blurb about sex.
God made your comment #533 divine, Josh. He must like the idea of me having Mulder and Scully holding up my titties. I think God is a little bit of a Divine Perv.
JOSH YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU CALL MY DIVINE HATE POST ON WOMAN ON TOP A ‘BLURB ABOUT SEX’?!
YOU NOW HAVE A BABY PENIS! I SMITE YOU!
HAHA!!
come on God, lets keep it real. That one on sex is not your best. very short and very little hate, although i have a baby dick I stand by my blurb comment!!!!
where is lucifer? or the jew? or fag brad? i think gods friends have lost interest in His blog.
there can
be only
one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or maybe they’ve just lost interest in talking to you and the rest of the bitches here, Josh.
That new sex post is awesome. It’s got plenty of hate, animated fucking sims and a cartoon God. You’re spoiled rotten Josh.
the cartoons are great. the copy? it has nothing on boyscouts, africa, asia, taxes etc.
God’s busy, you selfish bastard!!
Lucifer is you, the jew is not all that funny and probably realized it. Fag Brad is missed but remember, it looked like he was banned for awhile… maybe he still is.
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