Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to continue My Condemnation of Negroloid Pride Month by focusing My Wrath on a part of black culture I hate most vehemently – rap music!
Rap music is evil! And the putting together of words into lyrical rhymes is Satanic!
Just witness the results! It causes rebellious black youths to wear baggy clothing and to play with plastic water-guns. This kind of rampant disrespect leaves Me no choice but to have the police blow their brains out.
Plus, rap is not music! You may disagree, but it matters not. I am The Almighty and Awesome God, Perfect Creator and All-Powerful Ruler of the Entire Universe, and I make the rules! Music requires there to be singing, preferably in hymn form.
Rap is nothing more than angry black assholes (possessed by demons) mumbling along to the sound of beating drums. Usually rappers whine about all the things they hate. I HATE THAT!! And when they’re not complaining, they’re busy glorifying themselves. I HATE THAT TOO!
And let’s not forget all the awful dancing rap creates! All kinds of awful dancing! Krump, bump, pop-and-lock; does it ever stop?!
Africans do these dances naturally because they’re possessed by rap demons, but now they’ve got white people trying to do them too! I always see white people trying to do the running man, the cabbage patch, and the ‘soulja’ boy’…in public! STOP THAT! YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!
Rap even corrupts My Own Son! I’ve had to give My boy Jesus numerous vicious beatings just to keep him from speaking gangster gibberish and trying to dance hippity-hop.
DAMN YOU RAPPERS AND YOUR INFERNAL RAPS! I SHALL MAKE YOU ALL KILL EACH OTHER ONE AT A TIME! HAHAHAHA!
Gene on 
ronpaulcandidate on 
jetaDeelp on 
Nun Ur Damned Bizness on 
The Ender on 
Me, too, God. Me, too.
Whoa! How am I first? Scary!
Why does God now laugh like Cracka?
Lyds,
You were number 1, but you’ll always be number 2 to me.
My gym trainer is hot. Her ass is round and shiny. No, not shiny like newly minted pennies. Shiny like Washington apples. I bet it tastes like Washington apples too.
I wonder if she likes her some exotic Asian meat. She’s Latina so she must like things that are hot.
Wrong wrong wrong Josh! Cracka laughs like ME!
AWWWWWW! Josh! That is just sooooooooo sweet! I loves ya! Who’s my Obama? Who’s my cutie boy? Who’s my laser-shootin- sattelite watchin’ sweetie pie?
(You’re a dirty sanchez man, aren’t ya? just admit it!)
The boys makes funs of us cuz they likes us!
Where’s Nun to defend us bitches???
Maybe God is an American with an oversees following?
(God, please, Please, PLEASE don’t smite me… unless it is with your holy stick!)
oversees means overseas! Sorry! Typos suck! Much like Bridgette…
calm down, lyds.
i remember vanilla ice…he was the last good rapper.
will it ever stop? yo, i don’t know.
turn on the mic—and i flow.
the rhyming of the words know and flow
are more than we can expect even from a poetic genius like smoggy batzrubble. plus, mister ice had the foresight to use the first and only microphone with an “on” button. genius.
coincidentally, vanilla ice had the great fortune of both flowing on the mic and glowing in the dark…which leads to another brilliant line:
turn out the lights…and i glow.
i stand before you humbled, sir.
and my divine mimickry laugh is a hollow perversion of His True Divine Laugh, but it is meant as praise.
hey Josh, is God starting to piss you off with his Black History Month quest?
I’m with you there, God.
“STOP THAT! YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!”
haha, yeah, we are embarrassing. for You, oh Lord, i will never dance again! with You as my witness…i will never “get low” again!!!
the pic. the guy in the blue shirt is about to step forward with his left foot and correct his posture by jerking his torso back to the left, a classic white dance move. the guy in the back is stuck, just totally fucked, i think his only recourse is the time-honored “spinorama”.
#8 - Lyds
“The boys makes funs of us cuz they likes us!”
Are you trying to be Jar Jar Binks or Smeagol?
#15 Ben
God could never piss me off, His will is divine. You can’t argue with facts.
I also know God is hardest on the ones He loves.
straight outta canaan,
crazy mutha fucka named adonai,
from the gang called
niggas wit’ sinai
Lyds was trying to be neither of those. Lyds was Skwisgaar.
i just thought,
“God must love lyds’ parents…cuz that motherfucker is re-TAR-ded.”
bloodvork,
your valued contributions are missed.
at least, that’s what i’ve overheard other people saying.
is anyone going to talk about the fact that the white guy in the picture (the one with the glasses and pants) is wearing black socks and sandles? No one?
cracka, i think the vork posts as much as he ever did. i also think that’s why his posts are so good. he always keeps us wanting more.
Josh - holy snikes he is! what a dorkbut.
i would give anything to see yoyo again. i just hope he’s ok. it’s unlike him to be gone for so long and not at least call.
this Yo Yo thing has me worried too.
God,
Can you give us a status update on Yo Yo? Is he ok, did his work blog your divine site using Satan’s firewall, or did a simple case of auto-asphyxiation go horribly wrong?
black socks and sandals—that explains everything.
yoyo—i hope he didn’t get eaten by a gang of ravenous new england squirrels.
blog or block?
auto or auto-erotic?
josh or jsoh?
Today’s lunch smite:
Deep fried chicken strips, macaroni & cheese, spinach boiled beyond recognition, cheesy broccoli soup (basically fondue), coconut chocolate cake.
God, what happened to your hatred of science? Are Cracka and I off the hook now?
I agree about the rap music. Although I can appreciate the artistic endeavor, I just don’t “get” it.
Josh, #26 - Is this a faux pas? No wonder black people give me the “hate stare”.
Children,
Do not worry, for although YoYo has gone missing, My Angel Squadron is searching Heaven and Earth for him. He seems to have been kidnapped by Satan. I assure you we shall rescue him.
Curtis - The science post was only My 15th Entry, I brought it forth to the front page over the weekend as a reminder of My Hatred for science. You can visit it through the archive. You and Cracka are forgiven, for I know you are My double-agent spies working for Me against science.
Curtis,
Socks and sandals is the worst!
And let’s not forget God (in the form of Jesus) already hated on Sandals. I forget how he felt about socks and sandals though…
“…wore sandals My whole life, and I always found them extremely uncomfortable. We didn’t have socks back then to cushion your feet, and the quality of the sandals was much less than now. It was pretty much a piece of wood tied to some rope straps.”
-JC
God,
although i appreciate Your great trust in my double agent spy skills getting me placed in the anti-science wing of the Heavenly Intelligence Agency, i must report feeling burnt out on pee and tissue samples and blood, etc. i would appreciate a transfer to the anti-hot-sex-and-hedonistic-partying division. i know the waiting list is 10,567 years right now, but i would appreciate a bump…if You see fit.
curtis wouldn’t mind being assigned to the anti-anal division.
amen.
which leaves an open spot for Cracka on the pro-anal division
Thanks for the good word, Cracka.
Josh. I’m going to have to re-evaluate my wardrobe choices so that I’m more “def wit it”. Not that I wear socks with sandals or anything . . . anymore, I mean . . . .
Just to be certain, Big G. SCIENCE SUCKS!!! Even the satanic Einstein once quoted, “science is a wonderful thing if one doesn’t have to earn one’s living at it.”
yoyo may been buried in this:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090223/ap_on_re_us/winter_storm
josh, keep up, there is no pro-anal division in heaven. the pro-anal division is deep in the bowels (get it?) of HECK.
I thought Heck only had Minor Anal Division, it’s where Heaven scouts for prospects
no no, the minor anals is earth.
heck is where the cansecos and billy martins (metaphorically speaking) go for their pension packages and occasional old-timer’s game.
Where is Nun, I wonder. She’s hot when NOT smoking her chiba.
I can’t stop laughing at the picture long enough to think of anything humorous to say. I think I was at that party and the guy with socks and sandals is sooooo gay.
Dear Americanuses,
While wisdom has never been my strong point, for various reasons it is no longer wise for me to keep regularly irritating you on this divine blog. I have faith that one day God will smite those who would deny me the chance to hold New Zealand up to the admiration of the world. For now, however, I must make a fond farewell, which I hereby set to music.
SO LONG, FUCK OFF
adapted by S. Batzrubble
There’s a sad sort of baaing
From the sheep in the field
And the rams at the knackers, too
And down in Noo Zillund
A perverse Smoggy B
Is popping out to say “Fuck You”
(“Fuck You”, “Fuck You”)
(Curtis, Nun, Anne) - (Cracka, Ben, Josh, Yo Yo)
“Fuck You” – Thankfully they tell us
“Fuck You” – That Smoggy can’t compel us
to bring him back
“Fuck You”
(All)
“Fuck You”
(Americanuses)
So long, fuck off
You kiwi cunt, goodnight
(Smog)
I hate to go while poontang’s in my sight
(Americanuses)
So long, fuck off
You useless prick, adieu
(Smoggy)
Go screw, go screw
To you and you and you
(Americanuses)
So long, fuck off
Your country’s down the drain
(Smog)
I’d like to stay
And cause you all more pain
(talking to God) yes?
(God) NO!
(Americanuses)
So long, fuck off
You kiwi cunt, goodbye
(Smoggy)
I puke and heave
And vomit in your eye
(All) Your Eye
(Anne)
I’m glad he’s gone
I cannot tell a lie
(Nun)
I’ll miss his tongue
And getting his cream pie
(Curtis)
My bum is fun
It’s got a tight brown eye
(Smoggy) I’m off, for now
Americans, goodbye
(trio in fading three-part harmony)
(cracka) Good riddance
(josh) Good for nothing
(ben) Shut up…
(God – sotto voce with echo and vibrato)
Smoggy has left the building.
————————
PS God, until I can come back, is there any chance you could return me to the nude Scully section of hell?
Your Servant
Smoggy Batzrubble
AMEN
Why you leave, Smog?
God,
Please do not subject the Scully clones to more Smoggy. Not even clones deserve that.
Dammit. Smoggy plans to come back!
Unpleasant Jew
About 2 years ago
I did see a Kosher rap group in Haifa called 2Live Jews
& they were as Kosher as they want to be.
Seriously….they sucked.
I really wanted God to smite them.
smoggy is checking out?
he and bloodvork must have one helluva commune.
but, smog, who’s going to set yoyo’s lame old guy jokes to pentamic meter or haiku???
i meant
“IAMBIC PENTAMETER”
stupid brain.
He will be missed.
will he? why is he leaving again? I don’t get it.
[THWACK..."Aaarghh"]…time zones …[THWACK ... "eeargghh"] … to talk (gasp) to Americans (sob) … can only post while at … [THWACK "eeeeeeek"]… at work (whimper). Infractions of [THWACK] … computer use rules (sob) … will be dealt with … [THWACK] … severely [THWACK ... "aaargh"]
THWACK … “20 sir”
THWACK … “21 sir (sob)”
THWACK … “22 sir (I’ll never post again, I promise sir…)”
…
…
…
I’d say Smoggy might have gotten a reprimand or two. That or he engages in kinky sex games while at work.
Kraig,
What about the rasta hasidic dude, he got on letterman!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxxuSiC4wNw
Damn, Smoggy. Them sheep run a VERY tight ship!
Damn, Jesus hasn’t posted yet?
Thought he would be on the defensive by now.
His Father beats the crap out of Him. I’m not surprised He’s being silent.
This is off topic but I thought you’d need to know this God: There’s a new website claiming to allow users to talk to You!!!
http://www.dumb.com/god/
I know You know all and see all - but thought I’d ive you a heads up anyway.
Best wishes,
Git
josh, uppity-
Just giving my best rap-like talk. Admittitedly, I should have used ‘z’s in instead of ’s’s (ie, boyz in instead of boys). Hey but what do you expect from a self-proclaimed hater of rap?
Oh well, mabe next time…
didn’t mean to post anonymously!
Josh, I’m sure that’s reggae, which these days is way too similar to rap.
Reggaeton schmeggaeton!
Whatup muffuckas!
Shit Dad! Why you be hatin’? My thuggish ruggish ways is mad fly dope and all that! And rap be the illest. You better back the fuck off, or I be taking my peeps and startin’ a new religion without your broke busted ass. Shit.
Wassup, J? Don’t be hatin’ on Your Dad. Sometimes parents just don’t understand. It’s cute when He calls it ‘hippity-hop’.
Jesus,
You thoroughly disappoint Me. I may have to disown you as My Son. Again.
All these posts against black people and their culture are making me nervous. What does that mean God?
It means you’re a fucking pussy, Ben.
You should beat His Ass, God. It’s always funny when a deity gets His Divine Ass beat.
I am not a pussy. I just think God kinda hates black people, which is kinda frowned upon in our society.
Funny thing is, it’s frowned upon in our society publicly, but behind closed doors people make chimp cartoons and put them in the NY Post then issue a non apology before threats of waiver reviews force a semi real apology.
and for the record, Ben you are not a pussy, but you do have a lot of pussy tendencies, a lot.
yeah. kinda makes you wonder how a black man ever became president. half the white people are racist and honest with themselves about it. the other half are trying to prove to themselves they’re not, even though they still are.
gee, thanks man. that means a lot to me, coming from a fag.
bwaaaaaaa!!
Wow. You don’t pay a lot of attention, do you? God never said He hates black people. He said He hates Black History Month and who can blame Him? He’s a jealous God and all the attention people are giving blacks and their history is attention that is not being given to God.
He also said He hates black people who love Africa. Again, who can blame Him? He’s made very clear how much He detests Africa. It may also be a character thing as most blacks who claim to be African American are NOT African American, they are black American. How many African British are there? How many African Australians are there? See how silly it sounds? That kind of thing might really irk God. I know it irks me and the vast majority of my darkie, chimp-like friends.
Ben,
We’re the perfect couple a fag and a pussy!
I love the fact that God is fucking with everybody by doing this whole disruption of the time / space continuum by putting the posts out of order. Very cool, Big G. Very cool!
Today’s lunch smite:
Ruben sandwiches, German potato salad, beef vegetable soup, and blue berry muffins. Not too awfully bad, I guess.
Now, I’m off to court to testify on behalf of the hospital.
Stupid job!
Dear God, please smite my stupid, fatty boss for not giving me the promotion I deserve because he’s a stupid, fat, bible thumping, baptist and I’m not a “family man”. Make it REALLY good, please?
Mother fucker!!
I really wanted to go to this thing as I sure wouldn’t mind an autograph or two on my book.
http://www.biglight.com/blog/2009/02/book-soup.html
I guess I should have figured out some way to go.
I’m back! Sounds like I wuz missed (snif, snif) Gawrsh, I loves ya all! Group Hug, everyone*
* Excepting all the males present.
Rap sucks! It sounds like a bunch of punks spitting into microphones, angry because the melody man never showed up.
I’ll stick with Sinatra - he’s an up and comer, I tell you!
I had 22 inches (that’s 56 cm, or three rods and a pint in NZ) of snow in my dooryard yesterday, my plowman’s truck broke down sometime around 3AM, so I wasn’t able to get out until noon. My neighbors called, needing heat. I bargained with them, and am the proud owner of a 17 year old girl, velly clean.
I was on vacation last week. Thank You God for looking out for me! All praise His name!
welcome back!
YAY!
YO YO IS ALIVE! WELCOME BACK! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!
.
.
.
we need to have a system to know if one of us dies. lol.
where’d yo go on vacay yo? what did ya see?
also, how many people are still seeing my actual picture? i have dramatic hamster now.
I see the picture of a furry little guy that likes nuts, maybe if I refresh my cashe I’ll see the hamster.
FACE!
Hey Ben. We just loafed around at home - went ice fishing many times, hit the malls with my wife, rented a bunch of movies (had a vintage Bill Murray/Chevy Chase marathon - Stripes, Meatballs, CaddyShack, NatLamp Vacation series, etc.)
I’m glad to be back at work - I need to rest!
First order of business this morning - one of the (L)users had a plant set on top of her PC tower. Today (after my warnings) she overwatered the plant, and the power supply! This let out the magic smoke, so her PC was dead until I swapped in a new power supply. I’ve christened the user ‘Sparky’.
For all you idiots that can’t tell your animals apart… that’s a fucking prairie dog. It is not a hamster.
God’s Holy Blog is getting really faggy.
Nun, you say that like it’s a bad thing.
but everyone on the internet calls that guy the dramatic hamster! youtube it. it’s also not real.
and is God’s Blog getting faggy, or is just us fellow posters? and why does not knowing animals very well make you suck? has your vagina gone dusty?
Ben, Nun’s vay-jay (as Cracka will attest) oozes like an oil seep.
If everyone on the internet shoved a huge stick up their ass, would you do the same because everyone else is? Jeez, you’re dumb.
And I never said “you suck” but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that you do. Just remember to use your hands as an extension of your mouth. And don’t forget the ballsac, idiot.
BUT
Nun just did a PSA for blow jobs.
The more you know………….
THERE CAN
one
BE ONLY ONE!
ha ha!!!
FUUUUCCCKKKKeeeeee!!!
I mean thanks Josh. You just saved me from myself.
and that’s why the century game is fun.
Cracka must be drunk today.
“If everyone on the internet shoved a huge stick up their ass, would you do the same because everyone else is?”
Yes, he would, and he’d put it on Youtube.
Heh. Yo, you should start your own blog where you tell all your IT stories of dealing with computer idiots.
yo yo,
i think the second time he’d put it on youtube. the first time he’d just enjoy it and wonder why he did not do it sooner.
Hey Psycho,
I send my stories to http://blogs.computerworld.com/sharky, I count my blessings, as my boss and users aren’t as bad as some of the people I read about on SharBait!
Ben, isn’t cracka always drunk? Does he post when really drunk, or just a little, so he doesn’t vomit on the keyboard, sticking the keys together?
Josh, what I wonder is, who did he get to run the camera? A reeeal good friend?
Evangelist Curtis,
Fear not. He shall be smote without mercy. ‘Family man’ shall lose his family.
#111 - yo yo
Probably his mom
Dear God,
Can I get into the Montreal Just For Laughs Comedy fest this year? Thanks in advance.
I decided that in the interests of separation of church and state, I shouldn’t look at God’s Holy Blog at work. By the time I get to this site, the chat’s all done for the day, but I enjoy reading it anyway. (There ought to be a medication for this, like a really strong hallucinogen.)
Dear God,
Please let Josh into the comedy fest. And please keep my husband’s company open. Thanks in advance.
Josh - OF COURSE! Prayer request granted.
Anne - I don’t know, you’ve been quite disrespectful to Me in the past. Maybe if you were to forsake your tree-gods and swear everlasting fealty to Me…
Uh oh.
Oh, and Jesus, shut the fuck up and for the last fucking time, stop talking like that!
If you don’t stop, I’ll send you back to Earth and let you get crucified again.
Uh-oh, Anne?! Exactly! Well done! That’s what I’m looking for. Your fear and worry shows you’re starting to believe in Me at least some. Keep it up and you just might change My Mind.
Poor Cracka… too drunk to rob properly…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090224/ap_on_fe_st/odd_drunk_burglar_1
Good luck with your hubby’s company, Anne. I think we might be on our last legs.
I’ve always believed in You, God All-frighty. If You save my husband’s job I will reward you appropriately by burning my youngest daughter at the stake, just the way they used to in the Old Testament.
Deal, or no deal?
Damn! Why can’t I ever get all the pronouns capitalized? I could have sworn I did it right this time!
Nun, I hope your company hangs in there. If it’s construction, there are going to be nice new schools built soon. The Vo-Tech is already getting a big new addition.
Anne,
Despite your many unpleasantries, I will grant your request. Also, I have given your blog a link in My List of Blasphemous Blogs.
I would so totally watch that movie the Johnsons are working on.
Hey God,
What do you think of that octuplets woman?
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/02/frustration-wit.html
Is she a whore, a slut, or a cunt?
Thanks.
She’s all three silly! That woman freaks me the fuck out. She want to be Angelina.
That woman is mentally unstable and the doctor who implanted six embryos in her cave-like uterus should have his license to practice revoked. The medical bills that will be paid by a broke state that can’t even process tax refunds is… is… well, there are no words.
Nadya Suleman is a perfect example of extreme right-wing idiocy.
ok, where the hell is everyone today? are we all getting fired for posting here?
octo mom has been offered $1 million to do a porn. yes that’s right Vivid offered her that money, they also offered her a lifetime of medical coverage for her army of kids if she does more than one.
we will see. personally I would NOT hit that nor would I want to see it hit. Creepy.
Today’s lunch smite:
Cavatina without meat sauce so it’s basically pasta noodles and tomato sauce, well with cheese of course (Ash Wednesday), garlic bread, “winter mix” which is broccoli and cauliflower boiled beyond recognition, chocolate pudding.
Don’t lie, Josh. You’d watch it at least once. I’d give you a bad time about that but you’re retarded and Asian so I’ll let it slide.
did anyone ever see that jon bobbit porn? i never did, but i can understand the curiosity of seeing frankenpenis.
I have no curiosity to see another dude’s weiner, even if it was once on the side of the road.
I’ll file post number #133 in my “Ben is actually gay” file.
Hey, how many of you heathens know who Jim Rose is? How many of you knew that he was one of the Geico cavemen? I had no idea.
I know Eric Andre played one of the cave men (He needed very little make up) and yes I do know him as he is a NY comic and he’s bi-racial.
http://www.e-rok.com/
#113 - Josh.
I find that disturbing on many levels. Sadly, I believe it could happen. I’d watch the video, but would have to shut it off if I heard people in the background yelling, “Ass to ass!” (For ten points, what movie was that from?)
That really depressing movie with Jennifer Connolly and one of the Wayans brothers playing a normal black man.
REQUIEM for a dream
Josh,
Have you ever experienced night terrors with your young one?
Ben gets ten!
sweet! yo yo is my favorite.
.
.
.
sorry for hurting your rep, yo.
Don’t no one hurt the Yoster’s rep! (I’ve already damaged it myself - it’s a form of schitzophenic ju-jitsu.)
Yoster - I like that….
anybody else watch the big speech last night? what did you think? i don’t know about you, but i’m investing in the stock market again.
was that the state of the union address or was it called something else.
that was an easy question yo yo, if not for me explaing some IT stuff to someone I would have been able to answer it!
Nun,
No night terrors (yet), he screams for 10 minutes at the top of his lung at bed time then falls asleep.
Josh, yeah, I tossed an easy lob over the plate.
How about you? Do you have night terrors?
-The Yoster
Requiem for a Dream is the movie I described but apparently y’all are too stupid to realize that. I always feel a sense of security and safety when I see a black man playing a drug addict.
Josh,
Night terrors are terrifying for the parent. My son had them and I wonder if they were memories from a past life.
Man, I got punk’d by Jim Rose!
He’s not one of the Geico cavemen.
“My son had them and I wonder if they were memories from a past life…”
that’s because you’re an idiot.
i posted anonymously because nun is scary.
Cracka?
Dang - didn’t post fast enough!
Did anyone else go to Mass this morning? I’ve got a dirty forehead now. See the things I do for you, God?
Did your kids ever have night terrors, Cracka? Or do they have day terrors because they’re yours?
Seriously, newborns should not be that terrified of anything. I honestly do wonder if they were memories from a past life.
I for one totally forgive Chris Brown! He’s in anger management classes and I believe in no way are they a publicity stunt before his MArch 5th trial date!
“Is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a bitch?”
i keep my kids in tied off condoms in my sock drawer. there are millions of them.
Yeah, I wondered if you were impotent. Sorry for bringing up a painfully embarrassing subject.
well, i’m thinking of recording today…or, as the kids say, “laying down some tracks.” sounds cooler that way. what recording is all about is swearing at a computer while listening to the same sound repeat itself over and over again as you drink beer. so, it’s the same as any other day.
# 153 - Curtis.
I was confused - I thought it was Ass Wednesday. Don’t ask what’s on my forehead!
just replace the sound of people whining and bitching with guitars and drums.
Cracka, #156 - careful! God spoke to us before about the sin of Onan.
Yo, you may want to consider a shower at some point.
So do the people in the office. You never heard such whining!
BTW, nice gravatar.
Well done Curtis.
I hope you all have put ash on your foreheads by now. If not burn something I hate immediately (preferably an atheist book) and rub some ashes on your head. The more ashes the better, just douse your head in ashes.
Also, re-familiarize yourself with Lent:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent
Besides increasing your prayers unto Me and depriving yourself of food, what vice will you be giving up to honor Me and My stupid Son?
Happy Ash Wednesday everybody!
This marks the period of lent, which commemorates the 40 days I spent in the desert being tempted by Satan.
I hate the desert.
Jesus, next time You are in the desert, stay at The Sands. If you’re going to be tempted, it’s the best show in town! Ask for the kosher buffet, the staff will take care of you.
I’m giving up being nice to dumb asses.
Nice try Kraig, but that’s not a vice, that’s a virtue.
Do I have to give up coffee?
http://www.wmtw.com/news/18788737/detail.html
JC, I’ll bet spending a 40 day vacation with Lucifer was no picnic. I appreciate the sacrifice, really, we all do. That was probably way before casinos, so that really must have sucked.
God, I’m totally going to give up having sex every month, I mean week, I mean only once a day, I swear! I’m just that devoted.
i’m going to give up roofies.
yo yo,
they don’t serve tea?
Josh, no, but I like to stare at the bare-istas! And a bottomless cup comes with a topless waitress!
Cracka, your brain would implode. Don’t do it! We need you on Earth!
I’m going to give up talking like a wigger. It is quite a sacrifice. I’m also going to give up chocolate.
♫ A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How high speed Internet used to make me smile.
And I knew if it had a chance
That it could make my PC dance
And, maybe, it’d be updated for a while.
But Verizon’s lies made me shiver
with every bill they’d deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour out-age.
I can’t remember if I cried
when I realized that Verizon Broadband had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day my DSL died. ♫
(With apologies to Don McClean)
Jesus,
why don’t you give up Lucifer’s cock?
Quiet, you!
Well come on, JC, it WAS 40 days AND 40 nights. Jesus, Jesus, come out of the closet already.
and the chior said. “Amen”
If I recall my scripture, Jesus said, “Get thee behind me Satan.”
OOoooooOOOOOOooooo
Druids don’t celebrate Lent, but I may have to give up living in my house. I guess that counts.
Good one, Anne! (The scripture quote, not the homelessness bit.)
I think I’m going to give up watching the news and financial reports. It’s too damned depressing lately.
Dear God, if we all observe Lent will you please stop smiting the economy? Alright, already! We’ve learned our lesson. We will never put another shrub in the Oval Office.
Never say never, Curtis. This country is chock-a-block with fvcking morons.
Well, you do have a point, Anne. Unfortunately.
Anne & Curtis, we need to suceed from the South. After all, what have they given us? A stupid president, a president who couldn’t keep his zipper zipped, country music, bad teeth, Wal-Mart, tobacco - the list goes on.
yeah, the economy is doing pretty bad huh? are we all starting to feel the effects more and more? maybe i should have stayed in iowa. nj is expensive.
God,
Are You going to allow California to legalize pot and then tax it? That would be awesome dude!
Ben, you could move in with Anne.
hmm…not a bad idea. what do you think Anne? would you be cool with letting some supercreep you’ve never met off the internet move in with your family?? please say yes.
Legalize it and tax it - that’s the only way they can strangle the industry.
Anne, it would give your daughter something to scream about.
Ben, you might have to participate in odd dances and refrain from killing oak trees, but it’s a small price to pay to cut expenses.
This is God damned ridiculous. I split so many lunches with you Anne, and you never let me get to first base and you’re just going to let this internet creep move in with you? Women.
THERE
CAN
BE
ONLY
ONE TRUE
JOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(golf clap)
shut up, golf-clapper.
Much better post, God.
I really do prefer your angry side.
I know, you don’t care, etc.
Maybe Jello Biafra was right?
You’re dead (emotionally) and I’m alive?
Also, Ben: the dramatic groundhog or gopher
or whatever the fuck that is?
So gay.
You could’ve at least chosen
Carl Spagler’s nemesis.
Your gayness is a cliche now.
Hume, you’re a silly bitch. I see no difference in the anger levels of God in this post or the science of black history month posts. you’re fucking dumb.
Dear GOD!!
are u a racist?? if yes, why did u created a black people??
Thanks for all.
No FRED! I AM NOT RACIST!
Where’s Lucifer after all?
to have a song it requires singing..
but to have music. it requires music.. it does not require words…
rappers do not sing.. they are not talented enough to throw their bland voices.. all they can do is talk and rhyme. sombody else makes the music thats in the song. the artist has no say in the music itself. which would make their work nothing more than a speach.
a hate speach at that. a speach about how they think they are better than everybody else.. a speach about how they think they are cool and ritchious.. and how others are bad..
now knowing this.. how much different can these rappers be from hitler? imagine if one of them made it into political office?
good thing obama is only a black looking white man.