Stuff God Hates

#63 Black History Month

Feb 16th, 2009 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

In America, the month of February is known as Black History Month. This is why for the rest of this month I will be focusing My Wrath on all the Black History I hate the most.

Firstly, I HATE black history month! It’s stupid and racist and vain. Why do blacks need an entire month? A half-day would be enough. I’d be much less pissed off by ‘Black History Half-Day.’

And I’d like to know why there’s no ‘God History Month?!’ I deserve My Own Fucking Month! All history is MY HISTORY!

Now don’t think I hate all negroloid people. I’m not racist - far from it! I just hate Africans who associate themselves with Africa. That’s just stupid. As I’ve said before, Africa is a stupid continent from whence no good can come.

After thousands of years, I took pity on some of the native Africans and graciously had them taken as slaves to better areas such as America.

But have they ever thanked Me for this mercy? No! Of course not. Bunch of ungrateful bastards! @#$% And now they celebrate their history. WELL I SAY NO MORE! I demand an immediate end to this month!

For each day that it is allowed to continue, I will kill 100,000 more Africans. And if this does not make you obey, I will make Beyoncé fat.

Tags: Blacks, God

Posted in Activities, People, Unbelievable Bullshit

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308 Responses to “#63 Black History Month”

on 16 Feb 2009 at 1:57 am1Smoggy Batzrubble

Beyoncé makes me phat!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 1:58 am2Smoggy Batzrubble

…well, she would if she were a sheep!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:09 am3Smoggy Batzrubble

Seriously though, oh Divine and Omnipotent One, I’m with you on this. Of course we should have a “God History Month”. We all need reminding of your Magnificent Hatred and all the feeble sheeple you have smote and smited.

Also, as there are only twelve months in a year I think there should be more thought given to who or what gets the month. What about sheep? There are ten times as many sheep as people in Noo Zillund–what about a “Sheep History Month”?

And what about rednecks? Rednecks have made a huge and indelible impression on American history–who wants a “Redneck History Month”

I can think of others:
Lapsed Catholic History Month
Televangelist History month
Pedophilic Priests History Month
Neanderthals History Month
Young Earth Creationists History Month (could combine with the Neanderthals)
Exorcised Demons History Month
RINO History Month

I could go on…
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:41 am4Douche bag

Smoggy, how do you feel about the black sheep in your herd? I mean, every family/herd has at least one.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 3:25 am5Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Smoggy is a divine ass-kisser.

Who knew that slavery was one of God’s Divine Actions to help the dark man. God works in mysterious and wonderful ways.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 3:58 am6Smoggy Batzrubble

Ummm… I am the black sheep in my herd Douche (metaphorically speaking). As far as I’m concerned the world needs more Black Sheep. Let’s have a
“Black Sheep History Month”

Nun. YES! Indeed I am a Divine Ass-Kisser. God’s Holy Piles hang before me like the bunches of grapes in the Song of Songs; His Mighty and Divine sphincter is the straight and narrow gate through which only the Holy can pass; His Heavenly Turds created the Universe (Big Bang Big Shmang, it was a Divine Fart of Creation, and astronomers know it). For Lo, God’s Faeces are as sweet honey and incense falling in great dollops upon the righteous.

I know! Let’s have a “History of Divine Ass-Kissing Month”!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 3:59 am7Josh

But God,
Jesus was black, remember Your good book said he had hair of wool (that’s an afro) and feet of bronze (that’s Obama color)

God, Is this why on Rock Of Love you always kick the black girl off early?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:06 am8Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope God doesn’t smite me for not capitalizing ‘ass’ when I was talking about His Ass.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:59 am9Douche bag

Smoggy, I’m right up there with you, as far as my family is concerned. I like like the idea of Black Sheep History Month!
Nun, though we don’t see eye to eye on the NFL, I actually agree with with the majority of your comments.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:08 am10Lyds

God-

Please tell me why people think Jesus was black when he was CLEARLY middle-eastern? He was likely an essene Jew, which is clearly not black. Why the misinformation then? It’s not to say that black leaders in the world haven’t been important, as they clearly have. We have many, many important black leaders such as MLK,jr and Nelson Mandella. So why the black Jesus then? It’s like saying Ghengis Khan was black…
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:08 am11Douche bag

Sorry God. Time for bed. You never warned my Dr. that Xanax & beer don’t mix well. (I never read those stupid instructions) I didn’t want to type with with.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:36 am12Stupid Git

Dear Almighty,

Don’t you already kill 70,000 Africans a day? That rumor about condoms giving ‘em AIDS was brilliant! Was that your idea or or son’s idea? Seems like something Jesus would come up with. He’s quite the prankster.

Lyds, I’d recommend letting Jesus tell people he’s black. If people find out he’s Middle Eastern they might think he’s a terrorist.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 6:11 am13God

Smoggy - Bless you. Pucker up and keep up the good work.

Josh - No, Jesus is white. I think I know what My Own Son looks like. And yes.

Lyds - He isn’t black. He is white with flowing brownish blond-hair and sparkling blue eyes.

Douchebag - Xanax and beer mix great.

Stupid Git - Hmm, you’re right. I already kill 70,000 a day. Someone’s paying attention. Alright then, so let’s bump it up to 100,000 a day. That idea with the condoms was all Me. Jesus just invented AIDS, I’m the one busy smiting Africa.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 1:52 pm14anne johnson

I’m waiting for Village Idiot History Month. America abounds with village-idiots-made-good. Look at Sarah Palin.

Smoggy, would you please gargle? I can smell your breath on the other side of the planet.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:11 pm15Ben

lolz….awesome picture and post God. uppity cracka is gonna love this.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:14 pm16anne johnson

God, You do not need a You History Month, for God’s sake! You get more than a month of Sundays every year. If that ain’t enough to get Your agenda done, fuck it.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:16 pm17Goddess Brighid

Sorry excuse for a deity! You should be demoted to Titan at the very least. Mortal would be more like it.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:27 pm18The Unpleasantest Jew

let me tell you what i hate about black negro month:

1. blacks.

2. negros.

3. cold.

4. thursdays.

5. darkies.

6. fung-fing.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 2:37 pm19Ben

at the risk of being smited, i think there is just one more person you could have added to the picture God. a certain person named J-o-s-h….
on 16 Feb 2009 at 3:34 pm20Ben

Smith. The bball player.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Smith
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:02 pm21Ben

Happy President’s Day Everyone!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:04 pm22Ben

I think every presidents day we should hang a former president for fucking up the country so bad…and when we run out of them, we could hang all the runners up like Bob Dole and John McCain.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:27 pm23Ben

ah…..i’m obviously the only person who has to work today. i’ll shutup now.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:28 pm24Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey, Josh. Guess who I feel sympathy for? Naomi Watts. I haven’t seen the pics but I’ve heard about them.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:44 pm25American Psycho

God said the rest of this month he’s going to talk about black people he hates. Some thoughts as to who:

O.J. Simpson
Chris Brown
Gary Coleman
on 16 Feb 2009 at 4:49 pm26Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Why should He hate Chris Brown? Chris Brown gave a smackdown to a fellow darkie.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:35 pm27Josh

Nun what Niami Watts pictures?

Hey Jew,
Black Negro is a double negative, meaning white.
ANd yes it’s you who is the faggot.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:39 pm28Josh

also Nun,
He would hate Brown because of the apology he issued where he says:
Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person.

Maybe during on of God’s help sessions Brown said something God might not have liked.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:47 pm29Douche bag

God, You were right! They do mix well & I slept like a baby. Thanks!
What about Oprah? How do you plan on handling her death?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:48 pm30Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The pictures of her naked on a balcony.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 5:53 pm31TheRadicalRealist

At least you can take comfort in the fact that February is the shortest month of the year, dear Lord.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 6:18 pm32American Psycho

Oprah? why would God hate her?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 7:14 pm33Smoggy Batzrubble

Because she has more true believers than He does? He’s a Jealous God–he should smite her with Michael Jackson’s love child.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 7:45 pm34The Unpleasantest Jew

josh,

faggots aren’t allowed to call me a faggot.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 7:54 pm35Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope you’re both exceptionally proud of yourself. You’ve called each other a bundle of sticks. Wow!! What a FACE.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 8:20 pm36Ben

remember when the unpleasantest jew was funny? seems like a long time ago. anyway, he smells like old socks soaked in urine.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 8:42 pm37Kraig

When we have “Stupid Liberal Wench Month” Anne Johnson you and Pelosi can be the poster ho’s for it.
God can have all the month’s he wants…get off His Ass.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 8:50 pm38Ben

FACE!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 8:54 pm39Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t think God is into that kind of sex game anyway.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:36 pm40Josh

Nun,
upon further review I do not feel sorry for Naomi Watts, the pictures going around are stills from a movie she is doing called Mother and Child, so it was a planned flashing.

Ben,
You faced Jew, what has the world come to when the site’s donkey calls the site’s once funniest person to task and there is nothing anyone can say in Jew’s defense. Looks like you guys will not be work friends anymore.

Anne,
YOu’re turning into ben with all your new personas.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:40 pm41Susan

um…can anyone say racist?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:54 pm42Anne Johnson

Racist. Feel better now, Susie?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:56 pm43Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That’s not what news sites are saying, Josh but that’s assuming that news sites actually know what they’re talking about. We all know how silly that line of thought is.

Susan,

Can you say ‘thicker than a tree stump’?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:56 pm44anne johnson

Whoa! Look what capitalizing my name did to my avatar!

Hey, Kraig. Mofo, you can call me a ho when God gives you a song. Not before!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:58 pm45anne johnson

WHERE’S MY BLUE OCTAGON???? It’s so meeeee!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 9:59 pm46Ben

HA-HA!

{said in nelson voice}
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:00 pm47Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ha-Ha!

Just chiming in with Ben. I had a lot to drink last night and Ben’s looking pretty sexy right now.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:04 pm48Smoggy Batzrubble

Nun’s got her head stuck up her arse.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:10 pm49Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That could be true. My anus is pretty sexy too.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:28 pm50anne johnson

All right, then, I’ll wear my dress-up clothes.

Just out of curiosity, Nun, how much liquor does it take to make Ben look sexy? Just so I’ll stop one drop short.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:32 pm51anne johnson

Whoa! That one’s new too! I love it! Looks like a gumball trippin on shrooms.

Josh, you’re right, I’m not going to go Sybill like Smoggy and Ben. Not with such a fab new avatar in my arsenal!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:37 pm52Nun Ur Damned Bizness

A fifth of Hornitos, Anne.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:41 pm53anne johnson

Pardon my village idiotness, but what is Hornitos?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:41 pm54Nun Ur Damned Bizness

How come Flava Flav’s clock has digits whited-out? And where’s the Frank’s Red Hot Sauce for the chicken? Does God really know black people? God also hasn’t captured the darkie’s love of bling, there’s not enough bling in that photo.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:42 pm55Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hornitos is tequila, Anne.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 10:45 pm56anne johnson

Ah. Never touch that stuff. Makes me see snakes.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 11:15 pm57God

DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL!
on 16 Feb 2009 at 11:19 pm58anne johnson

Hey! What’s up your ass tonight, besides Smoggy’s tongue?
on 16 Feb 2009 at 11:21 pm59anne johnson

PS - If You had anything to do with this avatar, I like it as much as I like my song! Now be a good deity, go find Thy holy blankie, and go to bed.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 11:39 pm60Josh

Hey Suzy Q,
If this were not God’s holy blog, one could say it was a satirical blog that pokes fun of popular thought by use of sarcasm. One might say that, if they got the joke, and if this blog was not in fact the divine blog of God.

Nun,
I don’t fuck with tequila anymore. Last time I did, it involved a fat white chick trying to suck my penis on the dance floor at a bar called Snake in Mexico. True story. Fuck tequila.
on 16 Feb 2009 at 11:51 pm61Smoggy Batzrubble

But, Suzy Q, seing as this IS the divine blog of God, one CAN”T say those things, which means YOU are going to be smited by being sent to hell for eternity where all your holes will be USED relentlessly by demons with red-hot MONSTER penises.

Did you hear? Mama Cass did oral on Josh’s one-eyed-trouser-snake. She thought it was a musical instrument until it prematurely ejaculated (I know this because “Fuck Tequila” is an anagram of “A Quick Flute”).
on 16 Feb 2009 at 11:56 pm62anne johnson

Tequila must flow from the water taps in New Zealand. That’s the only way to explain Smoggy.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 12:07 am63Smoggy Batzrubble

There’s no way to explain Smoggy!

Even I can’t explain Smoggy!

Although the phrase ‘gratuitously offensive, socially retarded, ovine-fucking psycho’ probably comes close.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 12:26 am64Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Tequila separates the men from the pussies. Y’all are pussies!!

Why did God damn us? Did somebody steal God’s Divine supply of Divine Ether?

I wonder how God feels about whities who try to help Africa and the brothers within. I’m wondering if Bono has a smiting coming. Those poor keyboard-challenged girls who sent an email to Josh will probably be smited too.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 12:53 am65Smoggy Batzrubble

God created us, He can damn us if He wants to.

In fact, HE probably created us to damn us. And a damned good thing as well. I bet all the pissy Christians will get to Heaven and discover there’s a catch. Let’s call it CATCH 666.

The PREMISE of Catch 666 is that:

A BELIEVER can enter paradise if his or her motives for believing were pure (IE they were never believers out of fear of Hell, damnation, punishment, for reward or material gain, or because someone bigger, older or more powerful told them they had to believe. In other words, their belief was motivated purely and simply by love for God.)

BUT only the believer can make the call as to whether their motives were pure.

THE CATCH is that to recognise one’s pure motives one must have experienced an impure motive. (Like Adam and Eve needing knowledge to recognise sin)

THEREFORE Pure believers cannot recognise their impure motives, and thus cannot name themselves worthy of Paradise. Impure believers are fucked all ways.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Great joke on the Godbots. Catch 666 means you can live a boring godly life and still get anal from a demon for all eternity. And forget about the whole forgiven thing–God’s gonna give Jesussypoo a damn good spanking for being too cocky when the time comes.

CATCH 666 PRAISE GOD!!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 12:55 am66Smoggy Batzrubble

Ummm… yeah… now you mention it… I might have had a drop or two of tequila.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 1:34 am67anne johnson

If God needs a reason to damn us, He need only read #65.

If He’s pissed because some people don’t understand His divine will, fuck it. He’s God. He doesn’t need to explain Himself.

If He’s pissed because He’s out of ether, how the hell did that happen? He’s GOD!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 1:36 am68anne johnson

Pussy as charged on the tequila thing. I’ve had better luck with moonshine.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 1:56 am69Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Moonshine comes from hillbillies, Anne. What exactly are you admitting here?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 1:59 am70Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Anybody seen this? Anybody even care? I’ve found that I feel very old whenever I talk about E.T.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs8PxiYT8Z0

No wonder they left these scenes out in ‘82 and kept them out when Spielberg butchered his own classic a few years ago.

Angelwings.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 12:32 pm71Dr. Herbman

God, why you made marijhuana so danm good ?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:24 pm72uppity cracka

i can field this one, Lord. herbman, my good doctor, the blessed chiba is made to keep black people and whorey nun types stupid and pacified so the whiteys can continue to dominate history for 11 out of 12 months.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:27 pm73Ben

13 out of 12 months!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:38 pm74Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I. AM. NOT. A. WHOREY TYPE!!

And chiba doesn’t make me stupid. God did that when He made me a woman.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:43 pm75Dr. Herbman

hahahaha
nice reply cracka…

but i really wanna know from God Himself why it is sooo danm good… Yum yum..
ahahauahhauah
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:49 pm76uppity cracka

that’s true, nun. it does, however, make you even more stupiderer.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:53 pm77Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HA!! Shows what you know, moron. “Stupiderer” isn’t even a fucking word!! Fuckhead.

Based on some of the things that are being said about these kids… I’d say that we really should consider educating our youth a little more about sexual activity.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29222844/?GT1=43001
on 17 Feb 2009 at 3:59 pm78Ben

Did you guys see this comment by some doosh named Fabian?
http://stuffgodhates.com/2009/02/62-cupid/#comment-25244

We got ourselves a new Bridgette! Yay!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:07 pm79Josh

Nun,
two more kids have come forward saying that they are the dad (That little girl is a whore) and the true will come out, Maury style. You ARE the father!

You guys need to find out why the chimp went nuts! They are calling him Furious George, and the news reports this morning said the police where unsure of his motives! A fucking monkey went crazy because he’s a God damned monkey!

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/weird/Celebrity-Chimp-Gets-Loose-Attacks-Woman.html
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:26 pm80Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

I know about those other two boys. All four children seem incredibly ignorant when it comes to sex.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:28 pm81Nun Ur Damned Bizness

As for that poor chimp, maybe they should have taken him for a ride in the car since he made it very clear that he wanted one.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:42 pm82Evangelist Curtis

Nun, Anne #68 & #69 — I actually have cousins who make the white lightnin’. It will definitely kick yer ass!

Today’s entree: Roast beef with gravy, buttered noodles, seasoned corn (I have no idea), beef vegetable soup, and chocolate cake.

Speaking of which, I wonder if God hates soul food too? Black history month indeed. What about Hispanics? What about American Indians? What about Asians? (oh yeah, forgot) What about Eskimos? Are they too close to Asian? What about those whatchamacallems in Australia?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:45 pm83Josh

what about the Irish (The niggers of Europe)?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:51 pm84uppity cracka

curtis, they’ll all have their just desserts (basically fondue).

as for the monkey, i blame the media.

he wanted to go for a ride. someone showed up in a car. as he’s seen countless times on the boob tube, he tried to carjack the bitch. then the 5-0 had to kill him. for what? fighting for his freedom, that’s what.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:58 pm85Evangelist Curtis

Fondue - HA! That one never gets old, does it?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:59 pm86Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It’s because chimps are the ancestors of the darkies. It was racial profiling.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 4:59 pm87Evangelist Curtis

Josh, well the Irish do have St. Patrick’s day - isn’t that enough?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:02 pm88Josh

and don’t forget small weiners, the Irish curse, and they are notorious drunks.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:05 pm89Ben

yeah, but what black people does God hate? he doesn’t hate them all, just the proud African ones….so who? please hurry up God. I need to know who to kill.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:05 pm90Ben

in no way am i kidding either.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:10 pm91uppity cracka

anyone who drums on a djembe. anyone who wears animal print like zebra or leopard. anyone who has an obama t shirt. anyone who says, “i love africa.” anyone who like nelson mandela. it’s so easy, ben. just ask a few questions.

it’s like you have a vagina sometimes you’re so dumb.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:12 pm92uppity cracka

nun-86-exactly! i’d like to know if those officers were white! and if so, i’d like to know their names!!!

(so i can congratulate them on a job well done)

rodney king deserved it, too!!!!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:15 pm93Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You want to congratulate them but I just want to kill them for taking a potential fuck-date and killing him before he could experience glorious Nun and her glorious vajayjay.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:15 pm94Josh

animal print like zebra or leopard? Then he will kill Elizabeth Taylor and many old white women in NYC. The ones with plastic faces and shitty expensive clothes.

Obama T shirt? You know how many white people would die?

Cracka your criteria is bullshit. But what would you expect from a spick in a Menudo cover band.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:17 pm95Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

Did you watch Rise of the Lycans? If so, did you like?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:18 pm96Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka proves the ignorance of the white man, Josh. I too thought his criteria was complete and utter bullshit but I’m a woman, with a vagina, who fucks blackies. So what the fuck do I know.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:19 pm97Evangelist Curtis

Oh, I LOVED Menudo! BEST.BAND.EVER!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:19 pm98Josh

I watched it, I thought it was OK but was disappointed in how short it was. They had some good material but did not flesh it out.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:19 pm99Ben

oh no! century approaching! save me jeebus!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:19 pm100Josh

like Cracka’s penis, it would be much better if it was longer.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:19 pm101Evangelist Curtis

What?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:21 pm102Josh

my comment on #100 was in reference to my comment on #98, the movie was good but too short.

Curtis,
Are you serisous about Menudo? You can’t be. I refuse to believe you.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:21 pm103Josh

http://menudalatina18.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/menudo201981.jpg
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:21 pm104Ben

yeah cracka! what josh said. thanks josh. i need more specific names. my m1-carbine can’t shoot itself or decide who to shoot at you know.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:21 pm105Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Did you notice any issues with the timeline? I’ve heard that there are issues with Selene in terms of when she was turned, when her family was killed and when William was imprisoned.

I’ve also heard that some people like it better than the first two so it all depends on the viewer.

I haven’t seen it yet but I LOVE the Underworld franchise.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:23 pm106Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You could shoot your own face off.

Just trying to be helpful.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:25 pm107Josh

the thing is you dont know exactly when any of it takes place, you just know it’s a long time ago. You know it happens after william is imprisioned but that the people he turned are loose and for whatever reason they hate vampires. They offer very little clues as to the time. I think in the first one Selene mentions her age, but in this one no one mentions anything and the story is kept within the castle pretty much.

I liked it, but I also love the franchise (and the wolves are so much better than the Vamps, seriously. You live forever, can go out in the day time, you’re stronger, faster, etc.)

download it already and watch it!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:33 pm108Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ve got it downloaded, just need to watch it. I’d love to see them continue Michael’s story. That dude is bad-ass and super hot and fucktractive.

I’m a sucker for those kind of films though. I even like Van Helsing which most people think is crapola. I did draw the line at Lost Boys II though. I wish Corey Haim the best but he doesn’t belong in the entertainment industry.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:38 pm109Evangelist Curtis

How do you all feel about zombies?
This looks fun: http://www.ottothezombie.de
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:40 pm110Josh

Nun,
you hurt my heart with the Van Helsing thing. I cried.
I saw that movie opening weekend with my brother and sister in VA, and we all almost walked out.

Exhibit A: He catches a syringe that was thrown at him with only one hand while swing on a rope in a rain storm at night.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:44 pm111Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

Sorry, I take a lot of crap for liking Van Helsing. I’m simply not bothered by the lack of realism in that movie.

There’s black people on a stoop trying to take your baby!!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:45 pm112Josh

Curtis,
That movie looks CRAZY!
YOu should play the game Stubbs the Zombie! Hilarious game and very funny storyline/writing.

Also did anyone see “Let the right one in”? I heard very good things.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:45 pm113Evangelist Curtis

Josh, I see what you mean with your exhibit. I mean really. During a rain storm? That makes it completely unbelievable.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:48 pm114Evangelist Curtis

I have a soft spot in my heart for zombies. Vampires are cool, but zombies are misunderstood.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:49 pm115Josh

Curtis,
you have to see the movie to understand my outrage!
Don’t mock me Menudo!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:50 pm116uppity cracka

josh-94
collateral damage.

curtis-then you would LOVE my menudo cover band.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:50 pm117Josh

Curt,
then you will love Stubbs the Zombie. It’s all about how this one guy is a misunderstood Zombie and he just wants to be loved.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:56 pm118uppity cracka

curtis, i understand that zombies are dead people who want to eat my brains. fuck zombies.

now that i’ve made a reference to my brain:

nun-”if they ate your brain they would die again…this time of malnutrition,” or, “since you’re a man and think with your dick, if they ate your brain…no one would notice.”
on 17 Feb 2009 at 5:57 pm119uppity cracka

cracka-”at least i’m not a whore!”
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:03 pm120Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka,

You’re such an idiot. Everybody knows that a zombie would have to pass you up as the buffet is empty.

More people for God to smite…
http://w3.newsmax.com/a/athiests/
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:15 pm121uppity cracka

stupid hollywood liberals
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:21 pm122God

This story:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iYkqUumzaf7AjUkw1ErtZOqihGrgD96DESQO1
proves even further how stupid Muslims are.

Smelly buffoon!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:28 pm123Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It proves, Dear Lord, that Muslims are very adept at removing the heads of their enemy. Unlike the guys who murdered Nicholas Berg.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:34 pm124uppity cracka

I HATE THEM!!!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:34 pm125uppity cracka

in a holy and righteous way, of course.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:42 pm126Smoggy Batzrubble

Crikey Nun… if you were a Muslim your family would have you lacerated into a billion small pieces for the stuff you’ve done.

But since you come from good God-fearing Christian stock they’re satisfied just lacerating your mind and your soul.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 6:59 pm127Josh

I like the Muslim guy’s job; running a TV station whose purpose is to fight Muslim stereotypes.

“I hate Muslim sterotypes so much I want to stap a bomb to my chest and blow them up!”

Mission plan FAIL.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:04 pm128Ben

so he hates Muslim stereotypes, and then he becomes one. fantastic! well done Lord!

IRONIC SMITE!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:07 pm129Josh

Ben,
your joke would have been funnier if it were comment number 126!

Timing FAIL!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:14 pm130God

Ben, thank you for recognizing it was Me who did it. This was a test, and somehow you passed.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:20 pm131Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ummm… God… You do everything. Some of us don’t feel the need to state the obvious like Ben does.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:22 pm132Smoggy Batzrubble

Exactly…some of us realise that YOU are the BE ALL AND END ALL …

… and that (even though we love him in Christ like a brother) Ben is a filthy little rodent suck-hole.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:24 pm133Peenissweezle

Ben slurps the drips off the end of God’s cock-knob
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:28 pm134Smoggy Batzrubble

Wa-hey! This is the first gravatar I’ve ever liked as much as my own one!

Can I keep it God?

Can I? Can I oh Mightiest-Smiting-One?

Please, oh Great Omnipotent Hatred Factory?

Signed
Smoggy
Amen
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:28 pm135Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Californians may be wishing that their state had fallen into the Pacific Ocean instead of their current financial predicament. God smited the holy fucking shit out of California. And not just with Hollywood and studio execs.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:34 pm136Josh

God used GW Bush for help with that smite. What he allowed to be done to Cali when his buddy was running Enron was rediculous. Gov Grey begged for help because he knew he was being robbed and Bush said no.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:53 pm137uppity cracka

not only did he say no, he had him replaced with hans-n-franz.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:54 pm138Kraig

First God smite the black gangs and the latinos who are their illegally. Then go after the muslims and the women who inseminate themselves with turkey basters.
Then California will be perfect again.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:55 pm139Smoggy Batzrubble

Then gut and parboil all the fuckers who can’t spell or punctuate properly.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 7:56 pm140Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Governor Grey got the shaft for that too.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:01 pm141Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think the mother of that litter should be given to the taxpayers of California when they’re operating under a mob mentality. Human brutality at it’s finest.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:05 pm142Ben

HA! HAHAHAHA! Governor Grave Davis.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:10 pm143Ben

Josh, is this true?
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_blacks_creeped_out_by_all?utm_source=a-section
say it ain’t so champ. say it ain’t so.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:17 pm144Smoggy Batzrubble

God, why is your blog inhabited by Americanuses talking endlessly about their local politicians and sports that the rest of the world doesn’t give a fuck about? You created us all God–you made our countries and our cultures–some people even call Noo Zillund “Godzone” because they think you blessed it more than anywhere else.

You’re not really just the God of the USA are you?

Please forgive my doubts.I understand that this is a test, and that an anagram of “GOD USA” is “Goad Us”.

I know! Let’s have a…
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, AMERICANS!” MONTH
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:23 pm145Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Fuck off, Smoggy. You talk about your All-Blacks.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:28 pm146Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HA!! Good riddance!

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/a_rod_dead_at_33
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:28 pm147Smoggy Batzrubble

Yeah…well.. it is…”All-Black History Month”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:31 pm148Smoggy Batzrubble

ha ha
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:33 pm149Josh

it does creep me out Ben, but I feel a sense of home whenever one calls me a nigger.

oh to be a conflicted white person, who gentrifies and neighborhood but still votes for “the black guy”.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:36 pm150Ben

the whole idea of “gentrification” is racist to me. white people should feel guilty because they move somewhere and then the neighborhood improves? sounds ass-backwards to me.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:41 pm151uppity cracka

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:42 pm152Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I want to live in Josh’s neighborhood, sit on the stoop with my homies and a 40 of Olde E.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:43 pm153uppity cracka

smoggy, we’re americans. what do you want us to talk about? NZ? a bunch of queers.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:49 pm154Smoggy Batzrubble

I want you to talk about me
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:49 pm155Josh

oh gentle Ben,
It’s not white people moving in that’s bad, it’s their (and your) stupid idea that they are making the neighborhood better. They are not, they are making it different.

When you move in and think you’re responsible for bringing light to the darkness of a bunch of backwards negros, then you have an attitude and it manifests itself in how you deal with the “natives”

they displace families that have been there for years, all because someone told them this neighborhood is “hip” or “up and coming”

don’t think the neighborhoods are bad because black people live there, they are bad because the city wants them to be. As soon as white people move in, the city increases all services, thereby telling the people who lived there before they don’t mean shit, and that the city loves good white folk.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:51 pm156Josh

smoggy,
you like sheep (there I talked about you), and your country sucks (there I gave you something to rant about)
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:51 pm157Smoggy Batzrubble

how cool I am
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:52 pm158Smoggy Batzrubble

how much your lives have improved since I entered them
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:52 pm159Smoggy Batzrubble

how much funnier I am than the rest of you
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:53 pm160Nun Ur Damned Bizness

All joking aside, Josh is absolutely right. Nobody can ever tell me that the white man doesn’t keep the darkies down.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:53 pm161Smoggy Batzrubble

ha ha ha
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:57 pm162Ben

Josh, I don’t think any neighborhood is bad because black people live there. neighborhoods just tend to be bad when they are poor, regardless of race.

so I ask, is it really that there are more cops because there are rich people (of all races) moving in, or is it because the cops are not as busy and stretched as thin as before?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 8:58 pm163Josh

smoggy,
everyday I thank Him that you post on this blog, without your ranting about how you bang sheep up bunghole I would have never know that sheep fuckers where more than urban legands.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:06 pm164Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Fucking Asians.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090217/sc_afp/philippineswildlifebird_20090217055756
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:07 pm165Josh

Ben,
As a person who has lived in two neighborhoods that were/are being gentrified, trust me it is about “white” people moving in.

Example: I live by a train stop, I have lived there for years. There was NEVER a metro card machine there. You had to walk across the street, buy a card, then come back and board the train. Now all of a sudden there is one, for convenience. You can’t tell me there was a shortage of machines before.

Also with your cop idea: wrong. There are fewer cops now due to budget cuts. Yet the cops come quicker. It used to be in my neighborhood if you called the cops it was a gamble if they even showed up. I called 311 (the information line in NYC) to report a drunk on my porch, they had me call 911 and the cops where there in 5 minutes. They also started posting cops at a stop in the hood, where there were NEVER ever any cops, now there is a patrol car and 4 foot cops. Why? Because hipsters are moving in the area.

Trust me on this Ben, its not about money (as the hipsters moving in are broke too), it’s about race. Same reason that the media coverage for a little white girl is huge, but little black girls don’t get that coverage. Here’s the media pecking order for missing people: 1) Cute young white girl 2) fat/average white girl or old white woman 3) White male 4) cute black girl 5) ugly black girl 6) They don’t cover missing black males.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:14 pm166Smoggy Batzrubble

Sheesh…I don’t need to dump on America. You guys make it sound pretty awful all on your own.

Why don’t you all tell me something you love about your country? (But none of that home of the brave / land of the free / American dream / mom and apple pie shit.)

I’ll start. I like America because…
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:14 pm167Smoggy Batzrubble

…it produced George Carlin!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:15 pm168uppity cracka

FIGHT HARDER, BEN!!!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:16 pm169Josh

I like America because…

Smoggy does not live here.

Ok now someone else go
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:16 pm170uppity cracka

i like america because i am lazy as shit but i still live like a king. hard work? that’s for ethnics…
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:18 pm171Ben

hmm, maybe you’re right. or maybe cops are just racist in that they don’t fear getting shot by hipsters as much as they do black males.

but you are definitely right about the media coverage. it’s sick.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:19 pm172uppity cracka

i like america because the cops are racist.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:23 pm173uppity cracka

i like america because the liquor store delivers right to my front door!
i can get mexican, thai, sushi, greek food…all within 5 blocks of my house! (move out of iowa, ben)
i like america because we have sports that don’t involve a bunch of fairies kicking a ball around and flopping on the ground like their femur just snapped every time someone gets close to them!
i like america because i can say this:
fuck america, fuck george w bush, fuck smoggy.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:23 pm174Smoggy hater

IF BATZRUBBLE LEFT NZ AND WENT TO LIVE IN THE USA HE’D RAISE THE AVERAGE IQ OF BOTH COUNTRIES!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:25 pm175Smoggy Batzrubble

Now, I’m a pretty tolerant sheep-rooter, but insulting me AND that cunt Bush in the same sentence is testing my limits of tolerance!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:26 pm176Evangelist Curtis

I like America because no matter the problems, we do have some of the most beautiful places and our diversity is amazing. I mean, look at the Smoky Mountains, the Rockies, the Nevada and Arizona deserts, miles of corn fields and wheat fields.

Then take a look at some of our cities and National monuments.

Really. It’s a pretty terrific place when you think about it. We just aren’t taking good care of it.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:26 pm177Ben

Smoggy Buttstubble, please clue us in to the ‘big’ news over in NZ. We are all ears.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:26 pm178Josh

Ben,
Cops go where their CO tells them to go. Their CO tells them to go where the Major tells them to go, and he tells them to go where the commissioner tells them to go. The commissioner gets his marching orders from the mayor. No patrol; either foot, vespa, or Segway moves without an order to do so. They don’t wander around like it’s Mayberry.

Personally, I’ve interacted with the police in NYC and they are very racist, especially the black ones. talk about house niggers.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:28 pm179Josh

I agree with Curtis. No matter how bad it is, there is such a wide range of people here it’s great. Dispite what every Guy Richie movie tells you, england is very white.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:28 pm180Ben

Well they do interact with the black population a lot and they encounter a lot of hippity hop assholes. perhaps they have good reasons. maybe if you were in their place you’d feel the same way. walk a mile bro, walk a mile.

I like America because the cops protect and serve me.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:32 pm181Smoggy Batzrubble

The big news in NZ? Hmmm… let me see, oh yairs:

The weather is great
The beaches are clean
Our wine wins all the awards
Our scenery is the most beautiful in the world
We have a high child-homicide rate
A white bloke stabbed a young brown tagger to death and got 4 years
The weather is pretty good
Our sheep are tight and well lubricated
Prostitution is legal
Lots of kids commit suicide
The weather has been better
Our cricket team should have beaten Australia but didn’t
The weather often sucks
Our new government is a pack of right-wing wankers
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:33 pm182Ben

thank you for that fascinating and honest look into NZ.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:35 pm183Evangelist Curtis

Josh, I don’t want to seem offensive, but I’m not too surprised to hear about racist NYC cops. Some of the most hard core racists in my experience have been black. I guess it goes both ways. I’ve been in “black neighborhoods” when I lived in the city and I always felt very uncomfortable. Not because there were a lot of black people, but because of the ‘hate stare’ that I got from many of them simply because I was white.

It’s been something like what, 40 years or so since the civil rights movement and we’ve only come this far? I think it’s rather sad.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:35 pm184Ben

Josh, I just don’t think anything is ever as simple as “because they’re racist.” it just smacks of stupidity and anger.

many people thought they would never live to see a black president. they were wrong too.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:37 pm185Ben

Curtis, they weren’t hate-staring you because you were white. They were hate-staring you because you had your hand in another man’s back-pocket.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:37 pm186Josh

Ben,
Here is a book you should read The Nature of Prejudice by Allport. The thing is if the cops believe that all the black they encounter are hippyhoppy assholes, then the way they interact with blacks will reinforce their misguided belief adn they will discount any interaction with a black person who is not a hippyhoppy a-hole through a process called “refencing”

Example: bad stereotype is white people can’t dance. You haev a counter example of Fred Astaire, but people say he doesn’t count? Why? Because you are changing the criteria for being white in order to keep hold of your prejudice.
All black people are hippyhoppy a-holes, except Josh, he helps his landlady who had a stroke, he storts his recyclables, but he doesn’t count.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:38 pm187Evangelist Curtis

And don’t even get me started on gay rights and how homophobic black society seems in general. I would think of any minority that would support us more it would be black society because they were denied rights for so long, but that doesn’t seem to be the general case. I just don’t understand it.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:40 pm188Evangelist Curtis

#186 - oh come ON. Josh! You don’t expect us to believe for one moment that you re-cycle, do you?!?
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:41 pm189Evangelist Curtis

Oh, yeah, I CAN dance, but then again I’m gay, so there’s that stereotype isn’t there.

You do have to admit that stereotypes are a real time saver.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:41 pm190Josh

Ben #185 - I laughed at that, good stuff.

Curtis #183 - I know white people got the evil eye because steotypically the only reason you would be in that neighborhood was for drugs. Unless you’r like Anderson Cooper and like the “dark meat”
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:43 pm191Josh

Curtis #188 - I know, the way black people treat their gays and gays in general is atrocious. Funny thing is a black church’s chior would be NOTHING without the gays (one of my best buds form the time I was 5 is a flaming homo and directs 3 church chiors! It’s a case fo don’t ask don’t tell)
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:50 pm192Ben

man i can’t wait for the new ‘Last Dragon’ to come out. i hope the villain he’s fighting is gentrification.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:52 pm193Evangelist Curtis

AC likes dark meat? I KNEW it!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:53 pm194Josh

he likes “Dominican looking” men
on 17 Feb 2009 at 9:57 pm195Evangelist Curtis

Too bad you’re straight and Asian then, isn’t it?!?

Dominican men are usually pretty sexy because their features are softer but they have that ‘cream in the coffee’ skin tone which is really attractive.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:00 pm196Josh

here is a blog from one my friends in my head: Michael K.
He has an obsession with AC, and refers to him as “My boo”

http://dlisted.com/
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:00 pm197Evangelist Curtis

‘night, ya’ll.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:03 pm198Josh

There can
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:03 pm199Josh

be only
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:03 pm200Josh

ONE1
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:04 pm201Josh

night curtis
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:09 pm202Ben

uh-oh! you fucked up the exclamation point. that means it backfires!
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:16 pm203Josh

I meant to do that like an echo

there can be only One 1 1 one 1 1
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:20 pm204Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Using a ‘1′ instead of an exclamation mark reminds me of some of the more “exuberant” X-Files fans.

I don’t think anybody realizes this but some of the more racist black folk are racist against their own.

As for blacks and gays… I know a ton of black people and for the most of them, they have no problems with gays and many of them love them some gays but they do not feel they should marry. It’s not really a racist thing, it’s a God thing. Keep in mind that I am from a liberal area.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:23 pm205Ben

i heard thats what happened with the latest gay-marriage prop in california. the mormons really advertised among black communities and the vote was lost largely due to the already large black turnout for Obama.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 10:45 pm206uppity cracka

i heard that josh is a faggot.

shut up, ben.
fuck off, everyone.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 11:00 pm207Ben

i told a friend about this blog and he had already seen it. what are the odds? i didn’t think it was that popular.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 11:32 pm208anne johnson

I lived in downtown Detroit for four years. Mr. Johnson and I were the minority race by a long shot. And what I learned from the experience is that people are people. Some black people expected me to sit in the back of the bus, and not go to hear Bishop Tutu because I was white and hadn’t earned the right. But others were so kind. It was a day-to-day thing, and individual-by-individual thing. I’ve also learned (and taken this lesson with me to Camden) that if you look people in the eye and say hello respectfully, they will treat you the same. I’m sure if I was a black dude I would get so fuckin sick of a white woman clutching her purse and crossing the street when she saw me coming.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 11:33 pm209anne johnson

But hillbillies. Hillbillies are a different matter entirely! Ignorant, inbred, toothless, blind from moonshine, white trash mothafuckas. How God can hate Africa and love Appalachia, I just do not know.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 11:35 pm210anne johnson

If Smoggy lived in America, he’d be in West Virginia. No farm animal is safe from prodding in that state.
on 17 Feb 2009 at 11:37 pm211anne johnson

Oh wait! I know why God loves hillbillies! It’s the whole snake-handling thing. You don’t see your average African shaman twirling rattlesnakes over his congregation. That takes solid faith.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 12:06 am212Smoggy Batzrubble

Crap! If I lived in America I’d be a casting director in Hollywood extorting rough sex from wannabee starlets.

“Sure, I can get you a walk-on role sweetie… fancy a threesome with a sheep?”
on 18 Feb 2009 at 12:15 am213Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Kudos to Anne and what she said about treating people like people.

I was approached by a young black male in an underground garage at 3 a.m. in the morning. When I turned to look at him, I smiled and was friendly with him. He seemed taken aback that he could approach a white woman in the middle of the night and she wouldn’t cower in fear. He asked me for the time and went on his way. I have no idea what that young man was doing in a private garage in the middle of the night or whether his motives were pure. If he ever had the intention to rob me, being treated like an actual person and not a scary black male probably made him hesitate.

Inside I was pissing my pants and thinking ‘darkie’s gonna kill me!!’.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 12:28 am214Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey!! Cher is trying to steal my ‘nun’ thunder! Damn you, Cher! Damn you!! I love you, Cher but the ‘nun’ bit is mine!!

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61984266

It also seems she’s another whitie(if Cher can be called a “whitie”) trying to help Africa.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 12:49 am215Smoggy Batzrubble

Ha! If she lived like you do Nun the tabloids would have a field day. I can see the headline now:

CHER IN GLORY HOLE SCANDAL! SINGER CAUGHT WEARING ONLY A NUN’S VEIL WHILE SUCKING EIGHT COCKS AND A LARGE JOINT!
on 18 Feb 2009 at 1:10 am216Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Honestly, I adore Cher. I’m a gay man trapped in a woman’s body and God has a sick sense of humor.

I hate the Underworld downloads. Josh only gave me that link to torture me.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:07 am217anne johnson

I must be a straight woman stuck in a straight woman’s body, because I detest Cher. I can’t think of any other female singer I hate more. Pinky swear I even like Dolly Parton better than Cher.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:10 am218anne johnson

(No one’s gonna get this, but I can’t resist.)

Hey, Smoggy. Rick Santorum just backed out of being casting director for a new release of 101 Dalmatians. There’s an opening for you …
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:38 am219Smoggy Batzrubble

I don’t have a puppy mill, paganannie, I have a sheep mill.

If they want to cast the movie using Dorpers or South Suffolks instead of Dalmatians then I’m there for them.

As for Santorum, he tried to spread his poison here, but we home-based sheep farmers are the future of the industry and the NZ govt knows it–so they told him to fuck off and buy himself a weather forecast.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:06 am220Hume Cronyn

Sheep fucking jokes can only be told so many times.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:43 am221Smoggy Batzrubble

Ewe’d know.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 1:59 pm222uppity cracka

ahhh…homophones.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 2:48 pm223Evangelist Curtis

My phone is exactly like everyone elses. So there.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 2:49 pm224Evangelist Curtis

Anne, hillbillies aren’t so bad once you get to know them.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:17 pm225Josh

some of my most racist relatives are hillbillies. They aren’t bad because you know exactly where they stand.

“YOu know, they’re the kind of person who can say Jesus and nigger in the same sentence, and mean them both”
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:50 pm226uppity cracka

any fondue on the menu today?

one of these days josh is going to get through an entire post without a typo. but that day is not today.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:53 pm227Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That day does not exist, silly Cracka. I love me some Josh but he’s just a retarded ching-chang after all.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:54 pm228uppity cracka

my wife’s got a racist uncle. lives in a small house, alone, in the woods…pop. 12. one of those places. nicest man you’ll ever meet—if you’re white. he’s finnish. a laplander, he says. well, the laplanders are the dark skinned fins, kind of look mexican. it’s funny to hear this mexican guy talk about how the mexicans should be deported. wtf? is this real?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:57 pm229Josh

I have an uncle (I might have posted this before) who would not allow my aunt (my father’s sister) to visit us because we were “niggers”, she had to sneak out the house during the day when he was at work and stop by.

In the end, everyone of his daughters went after black dudes, and not regular Obama black dudes, dudes, like Lil Wayne.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:00 pm230Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HAHA!! Racist smite!

The cartoon in the NY Post is wrong, wrong, wrong. What say you, Josh?

I mean everybody knows that when you’re comparing blacks to chimps you have to use a dark-skinned black. Light-skinned blacks don’t look like chimps at all, they’ve been whitified.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:02 pm231Ben

tell your uncle i said: HA-HA!
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:07 pm232Josh

Nun,
send me the link.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:13 pm233Josh

Nun,
do you mean the pic of the monkey shot with the cop saying, “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimuls bill”?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:24 pm234Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yeah… that’s the one.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:28 pm235Josh

I think it’s just a bad joke in bad taste (as NY cops have a rep for shooting black people), saying congress is a bunch of monkeys. Don;t think they are stupid enough (Well it is the post) to make an Obama/monkey reference. Like most things in the post it’s just a bad joke. I did like their cover yesterday “Furious George”, classic post.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:34 pm236Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t think it’s Congress that they’re calling a monkey.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:46 pm237uppity cracka

i think the post thrives on the kind of scandal that might be caused by leaving it open to interpretation whether they meant obama or congress. their readers are idiots. so what would they lose? nothing.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:58 pm238Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I want to live in a cavehouse in Turkey. Anybody here watch Bizarre Foods or familiar with Turkey? They have caves that have been modernized with solar power so they have running water and electricity. I want to live in one.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:11 pm239Josh

they are pretty nice:

http://realestate.escapeartist.com/P-2001558/
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:16 pm240Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I WANT THAT!!! 96K mortal dollars. God never did send me mortal dollars but I’ve realized that’s because He doesn’t even have mortal dollars and I was silly to even think He might. Even without God’s Divine Assistance, I think I could swing that. I wonder how hard it is to transplant to Turkey.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:17 pm241Evangelist Curtis

No fondue today - the world is upside down, oh, wait, they made up for it:

Cheesy cavatini (macaroni, tomato sauce, and lots of cheese - yuk), winter vegetable mix (boiled beyond recognition), cheesy garlic bread stick, tomato spinach soup, and apple pie.

A definite lunch smite if I’ve ever seen one.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:21 pm242Evangelist Curtis

I wonder how well those caves are heated and if there is a humidity problem.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:28 pm243Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I got a bill for $300 for heat for one month so they’re probably better heated than my house at the moment. I’m tired of freezing to death in my own home.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:33 pm244Evangelist Curtis

You do realize that Turkey is part of the “axis of evil”, don’t you Nun? Terrorists. Each and every one of them.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:39 pm245Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yep, just like gays are evil. I think I’d be very happy in Turkey.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:48 pm246Josh

Turkey is a very “male” country. It is very common for men to walk hand in hand, hug and kiss, and no one bats and eye. My gay bud loves Turkey because when he and his boyfriend go, they cna do whatever and not worry about anyone saying anything. He also loves to the bathhouses.

It’s also a Mulsim country, so it might be a little harder for you Nun.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:53 pm247Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It is a Muslim country, Josh but they also have their fair share of Buddhists, Christians and other religions. The majority is Muslim though.

They have male wrestling that seems very gay but isn’t. They also have male belly dancers. I did notice that women weren’t really to be seen so I would imagine that I would have some issues there… who knows, maybe I’d even be killed.

I like Greece too but those cavehomes speak to me. I can hear them calling me.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:58 pm248Josh

They speak to you because you are a conspiracy nut. You think your cave home would save your life when the apocalypse comes.

But alas, I too would love a cave home.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:03 pm249Nun Ur Damned Bizness

WooHoo!! Way to go, Holder!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090218/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/holder_race

To my black friends,

Please stop looking so much like monkeys. It would be much easier to stop the primate comparisons if you would just de-monkey yourselves.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:07 pm250Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You can’t hide from God, retard!! A cave home will not hide me from God’s X-Ray vision when He comes to share His Divine Wrath with us.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:08 pm251Josh

it’s always a mixed guy calling for us to talk about race. The true darkies don’t ever call for that shit.

There is an black actor from the 70s who had a slight lisp and was (as my mom put it) “the ugliest man alive”. I can’t remember his name, but his face haunts me forever. Anyone know who I am talking about?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:10 pm252Josh

I figured it out: Yaphet Kotto
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:11 pm253Evangelist Curtis

Back home, there is a State Park that houses the famous “Old man’s Cave” which is a huge cave that was inhabited by American Indians until they died of small pox or something. Then, an old white man moved in.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:13 pm254Evangelist Curtis

Why did your mother think he was ugly? Or should I say, “moms”?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:15 pm255Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yaphet Kotto is a local boy. He is not ugly but is so black he’s fucking purple.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:19 pm256Evangelist Curtis

I knew a guy in college from either Zambia or Zimbabwe (can’t remember) and he was so black that his skin almost had a bluish tone too it. It was amazing. Unfortunately, he was very difficult to understand and had to be asked to repeat himself frequently. Nice guy. I think his name had one of those ‘clicks’ in it which was also rather cool.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:21 pm257Anonymous

ANNE HERE

Just catching up. Too bad you can’t eat at my cafeteria, Curtis. We never have fondue, but some days we get home made cream puffs.

I don’t need to get to know hillbillies! I am one! *self hatred* I was born and raised in the sticks, and my mom’s people were the worst kind of white trash. They all wanted to go to heaven. I hope they’re there. More reason than ever to be a Pagan.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:22 pm258Anonymous

Hillbillies invented cave homes. That’s where they stash their moonshine.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:24 pm259Evangelist Curtis

Anne, you too? I’ll bet we’re second cousins or something. Nah, I would have seen you at one of the family reunions aka speed dating.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:50 pm260Smoggy Batzrubble

I’ve just realised that Hume Cronyn is one of Nun’s subs. His name is an anagram of: “Oh Nun! Mercy”
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:51 pm261Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Smoggy,

I’m not an idiot and don’t see the need to play the games that you losers do with alternate personalities.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:54 pm262Smoggy Batzrubble

There was a submissive named Hume,
Tied up in a windowless room,
With a large concrete block,
Strung up tight to his cock,
And his back passage stuffed with a broom.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:55 pm263Smoggy Batzrubble

There ya’ go Humie. Funny enough for ya? If you liked that, I can do a limerick on Cronyn for afters.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:55 pm264Smoggy Batzrubble

Oops…wrong gravatar.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 6:58 pm265Smoggy Batzrubble

Nun…nun…nun… I know you’re not an idiot. You’re a witty, funny, intelligent woman…

…with a pot habit and busier tunnels than the New York subway system.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:17 pm266Smoggy Batzrubble

See, I turn up and everyone else disappears. Don’t know why I bother.

Why don’t you admit you all hate me and I’ll just fuck off back to hell to speak cunningly with all those Scullys

Hey…in New Zealand we call our hillbillies…um…

…New Zealanders!
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:18 pm267Josh

Nun/Curtis,
My mom is one of those people who believes in good hair and good skin tone, so Yaphet to her is ugly.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:22 pm268Smoggy Batzrubble

I’ve seen Yaphet. He’s cool–he looks like a real African African. Bet he’d never get made Pres.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:24 pm269Smoggy Batzrubble

Bugger this…I’m gonna do some work.

How’s it hanging Humie?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:39 pm270Evangelist Curtis

Josh, please define “good hair”. Since I’m thinning, I would think it is all good. So are you saying that your mom prefers the lighter skin toned blacks as opposed to the darker ones? I didn’t think that sort of thing mattered. I mean if you’re black you’re black - white you’re white.

I’m probably oversimplifying that, aren’t I?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 7:53 pm271Josh

Curtis,
you don’t know the half. There is so much self hate in the black community. Funny thing is now that Obama is in the white house black people are acting as if they have been excepting of mixed kids forever: Not the case.

You should rent Spike Lee’s school days, or you could just watch this youtube clip made by a 16 year old girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWyI77Yh1Gg
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:06 pm272Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Mixed kids do have it tough. Some blacks won’t accept them and some whites won’t accept them. That’s why I never accept my little monkey… I want him used to that kind of thing before he hits the real world.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:11 pm273Evangelist Curtis

When you look at it, it’s kinda silly isn’t it? It’s a shame we can’t love ourselves which would in turn lead to loving others, wouldn’t it? I find that very sad indeed.

Okay - I’m obviously getting too serious for this blog. Josh, quit being an ching chong artard.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:12 pm274Evangelist Curtis

Nun, does your loser of a monkey have good hair?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:16 pm275Nun Ur Damned Bizness

My loser monkey boy has half-n-half hair. He’s got big loose curls on the top and side, which he hates. The back of his head is my hair. He’s got a slight courseness so it’s not completely brillo-afro.

I showed him that cartoon and told him when he gets older, the cops are going to shoot him for looking like a monkey. Then I asked him why he had to be born half-black. He cried. What a fucking baby!
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:21 pm276anne johnson

Teenzilla meltdown in three… two… one…
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:24 pm277Josh

the worst for a mixed kid is if his hair has differnt textures throughout, no one hair porduct will do. sucks.

any reason for hating anyone other than the fact that they are an asshole is silly.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:38 pm278Josh

PRODUCT!!!! Him damn these fat stubby Asian fingers
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:50 pm279The L Woman

Dear Lord,

2 years ago here in Brazil some bastard created the Black Conscientiousness Day.
This holiday is on November 20th and nobody works this day.
God, I hate it. It’s such a fucking stupid day!
Could you smite those who created this fucking day, please?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 8:57 pm280Ben

so on that day black people have to be extra careful and meticulous in all that they do? sounds like an amusing day to me.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 9:07 pm281Evangelist Curtis

A timely article? I think so.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_blacks_creeped_out_by_all?utm_source=a-section
on 18 Feb 2009 at 9:07 pm282Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Darkies can’t be meticulous. Haven’t you seen their chubby chimp fingers?
on 18 Feb 2009 at 9:10 pm283Josh

ha ha! Curtis doesn’t read Ben’s posts! Ha ha!

Damn right L Woman! Fuck those stupid African slaves! You don’t need no stinking holiday since skin color bias in Brazil is gone!
on 18 Feb 2009 at 9:50 pm284Evangelist Curtis

Josh,

I always skip past Ben’s posts because he was mean to me once many weeks ago and never apologized - so I’m holding a pointless grudge to teach him a lesson. I never forget stuff like that.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 10:01 pm285Evangelist Curtis

‘night, internuts.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 10:20 pm286Ben

but, but, but! what did I say? I don’t remember ever saying anything mean to you.

WTF???
on 18 Feb 2009 at 10:22 pm287Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Honestly, Curtis, we’re all mean to each other and never apologize. Maybe you’re too sensitive when reading God’s Holy Blog.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 11:14 pm288Smoggy Batzrubble

No…Curtis is right. Ben is the cruelest poster here. Time after time I’ve been wounded to the core of my being by some of the barbs unthinkingly directed at me by that sniveling little rodent. Me being so sensitive and all.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 11:51 pm289Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That’s because you’re a pussy, Smog.
on 18 Feb 2009 at 11:54 pm290Smoggy Batzrubble

’s true!
on 19 Feb 2009 at 12:48 am291Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Is that why you fuck sheep, Smoggy? Because they don’t tell you how absolutely terrible you are at fucking and hurt your poor widdle pussy feelings?
on 19 Feb 2009 at 1:07 am292Smoggy Batzrubble

No, not really. Primarily it’s because there’s no other living species up here on my isolated mountain plateu.

Or it could be because they aren’t doped-up slappers who spread for anything that breathes and has a y chromosome.

Not thinking of anyone in particular…
on 19 Feb 2009 at 4:43 am293Lyds

Dear, dear, wonderful Lord GOD!!!!

Please don’t smite me for being off topic, but please, Please, PLEASE, I beg of You!!!! PLEASE smite Sarah Palin!!!!!! I sincurely hate that bitch the way Riley hates Santa!!!!

In Your Holy Name,

Lyds from Texas
on 19 Feb 2009 at 4:45 am294Lyds

oh wait… she has a knocked up teenager…. so,

Dear, dear, wonderful Lord God,

You are the most wonderful, awesome, incredible God! You are the King of Kings! You are the Mighty God You proclaim to be!!! Praise Your Holy Name!!!!!
on 19 Feb 2009 at 4:58 am295Lyds

ps God,

Your Divine picture of Blackness is so Right ON! Dyn-o-mite actually! The watermelon, fried chicken, and orange drink are Chappelle-o-licious!!!! You rock!
on 19 Feb 2009 at 5:26 am296Hume Cronyn

Dear Mr. Batzrubble,

Congratulations, Sir, as your douchebaggery on this blog has reached epic proportions!
You’ve chosen an excellent venue for showcasing the witty way in which you camouflage your failure and loneliness.
Also, you’re definitely funnier than Ben.
Keep up the good work, friend.

Sincerely,

H. Cronyn
on 19 Feb 2009 at 9:48 am297Smoggy Batzrubble

Dear Mr Cronin,

We regret to inform you that you are not funnier than Ben.

Your failed and lonely brother in Christ,

S. Batzrubble
AMEN

PS Can I have my broom back?
on 19 Feb 2009 at 9:55 am298Smoggy Batzrubble

Lyds,

I think you are really cool, and your gravatar looks tasty.

Can I encourage you not to censor your profanities?

F*#King seems really rude and suggestive, almost as bad as c#nt.

Type it like you mean it, I won’t tell mom.

PS I think Hume needs a hand getting the broom out.
on 19 Feb 2009 at 2:20 pm299uppity cracka

interesting
on 19 Feb 2009 at 2:20 pm300uppity cracka

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
on 19 Feb 2009 at 2:46 pm301Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What exactly does Lyds think is an ‘orange drink’ in that picture? The Kool-Aid doesn’t look orange to me and beer isn’t an ‘orange drink’. I’m not even sure I’d call it orange in color.
on 19 Feb 2009 at 3:07 pm302Ben

i like that it’s now ‘Negroloid History Month’
on 19 Feb 2009 at 3:52 pm303Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t, Ben. I find it offensive and now I’m offended with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Negroloid sounds like mongoloid. It’s like God is calling black people stupid and cavemanny when we all know that black people are stupid and monkey-like.

Black people should start a theme park and call it “NegroLand”.
on 20 Feb 2009 at 4:11 am304Wdabrock

Hey, God!

If you’re so pissed off about blacks, why did you make them? Stupid that Mr. All Knowing couldn’t see them making their own feel good month. Is your prescience on the blink or something? I’m almost certain it’s senility creeping up on you!

Go smite some whales and make them beach themselves; get the tree-huggers in a dither, it will make you feel better!
on 21 Feb 2009 at 1:46 am305Lyds

Sorry, Nun. I thought the colt 45 was some kind of orange drink. It looks orange on my screen! So, it’s beer? I’ve never heard of that brand. Maybe they don’t have it here in Texas?

Smog- so, bleeped curse words are rude, huh? Well, fuck you then.
on 23 Feb 2009 at 7:00 pm306Smoggy Batzrubble

Ohhh…Lyds, that was great. You’ve made my underwear all sticky.

Can you do ‘cunt’ and ‘anal-prodder’ next?
on 27 Feb 2009 at 6:46 pm307cockbass

black history month is stupid. theres a hispanic heritage month and a black history month and no white history month! probably bc caucasions dont need a month to feel empowered. black history month is fucking stupid
on 17 Feb 2010 at 3:55 am308Anonymous

well, you’re obviously not God. So why should anyone give a fuck what you say. Another desperate loser looking for attention through a blog. Get a life.