Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I denounce the current pontiff! Fire him! Kill him! BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!
Soon shall ex-Pope Benedict XVI regret crossing Me! The Almighty Lord God does not tolerate subterfuge and chicanery!
Why the sudden change of heart you ask?! Just look!
The bastard! The blasphemous balls on this bastard! How DARE he start his own YouTube channel before Me?! THE PRICK! He doesn’t even have the courage to allow comments, because that would require the time and energy necessary for pwning all the atheist comment-freaks in cyberspace. He also doesn’t allow ratings on his videos, probably because he knows they’re all stupid-lame and wouldn’t crack 3-stars.
What a cocksucker. I specifically told him not to go on the Internet. I already have My Own Blog and don’t need him talking for Me here!
Look at what this walking corpse said:
“The Internet a new way to speak of God,” the
popesaid, “You must find new ways to spread voices…through the ever-evolving communications system that surrounds our planet.”
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? He actually used the phrase ‘ever-evolving!’ This must confuse My followers, as this statement would logically validate the entire concept of evolution, which of course is not valid. Humans did not come from monkeys, they came from the tip of My Divine Creation Penis. And so did everything else, including radio, TV and the Internet.
If all that wasn’t enough, he also un-ex-communicated some of his old Nazi war buddies. What a punk-ass sell-out. Ex-communication used to mean something.
Anyway, I know I used to love him dearly. That’s what makes this so difficult. For the last couple of years Benedict was My personal publicist and someone I could talk to. Now I just want him dead.
Wait, did I just say this was difficult? I didn’t mean that. This is so easy. And fun! It’s just been a while since I’ve had to smite an insolent pontiff, so I’d forgotten how good it feels.
Ya know, when this is all over, I think I’ll re-animate Jean Paul II and send him back to work. Now there’s a guy who knew how to work the media.
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
I think I may log into the Vatican’s YouTube page and change the settings to allow comments.
Dear Lord, if you reanimate Pope John Paul II and make him Zombie Pope John Paul II, the atheist pirates won’t stand a chance.
Just sayin’…
Our Father Who,
It is sorry but not surprising that the
Poop has a one-way channel - Catholics
always expect to shut up and stick to
the script.
On the other hand, it may be a source of inspiration for mashup videos, standup comics, and other such dicking around???
They left at least one pope off that list. Boniface (1303, does any other date matter?) became pope by imprisoning his predecessor and slowly poisoning him. Know where Boniface was when the French arrived to rough him up? Sitting on a balcony, drunk, with his mistress at his side.
I’m confused. I thought You divinely appointed these dudes. Can’t you just speak to Ratzi the Nazi and get him to stop talking about EVILution and using YouTube?
I hate popes in theory and practice. Smite on!
PS - I’m with Tony, wondering if Pope Nazi can be mashed up.
we finally get a white supremacist pope to plant the seeds of our ultimate victory and he turns out to be a traitor. this is a bad day for crackers. all i have to say to this nazi whore is:
“DIE HEATHEN SCUM!!!!”
God, please take him down while he’s in the pope mobile.
It is nothing more than a sign of the popes absolute lack of faith in You.
Besides, it’s amazing how much he looks like Emperor Palpatine. Were his looks part of Your divine plan as well?
Dear God,
Please bring back Hitler from the dead and have him give a press conference where he tells how this “Pope” begged to be in the young Nazi’s and shoot Jews in the balls and titties. Thank You in Advance.
Your Humble Servant,
Josh
Can the next Pope be Asian? That’ll be fun.
Traveling Filipina - I agree. My Will shall be done.
Tony Snow - I agree. My Mashups shall be done.
Christian Jew - I agree. As you all know, I hate the popemobile and I shall have it blown to smithereens by a quadruple-lightning strike. As to your second question, no.
Josh - That’s a tall order, as Hitler is still alive and well (and in the best shape of his life, I might add) living in Brazil with the aid of super-intelligent Nazi doctors.
Bei Shen - NO! I HATE ASIANS!!!
Well, I don’t want to add insult to injury, but I’d like to mention that the Pope also wears REALLY gay shoes — Prada, for Your sakes!
I think it might be fun to frame him up with a male prostitute and some ‘tina just like Ted Haggard. That would be SO much fun.
Anne:
Greasy Ruben sandwiches, German potato salad, taco soup (I have NO idea, probably fondue), and blueberry muffins the size of small birthday cakes.
Dear God,
Please forgive me for thinking the new Battlestar Galactica was crap because Boomer and Starbuck are girls. That show is pretty fucking good, God!!
nun, what is unforgivable is the depth of your nerdiness. how did the nerdery manufacture such a slutty nerd?
I have no idea, Cracka. I also smoke massive amounts of chiba and love football. I’m a fucking conundrum.
God smited the shit out of Iceland.
crazy weird. you’re like the duckbill platypus of disciples.
iceland…first bjork, now this. it was only a matter of time.
Dear GOD
Excellent idea knocking off Benny-the-Rat .
Might I suggest having him being whipped to death by the rosary beads of six zombie nuns while he’s kneeling on the floor of the Vatican privy jacking off to the centrefold in ‘Goat Breeder’s Monthly? The nuns could be completely naked except for wimples and nipple clips, and with their pubic hair plaited into the shape of a cross (and maybe they could wear black, leather boots with stiletto heels and stamp on his eyes a few times?)
Oh yeah. If I could comment on his Youtube page I’d have three words: “Nuremberg, Simon Wiesenthal”. And a PS: ‘Hey Benny–whereabouts in Heaven do they keep the blastocysts?’
BLASTOCYSTS!!
DIE, BLASTOCYSTS, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, smoggy, that’s hardcore. Might I suggest throwing in some scantly clad alter boys to really seal his fate?
Unfortunately, I have nothing what-so-ever to say to the Nazi Pope. My mamma always said, “if you don’t have anything nice to say . . . “
Blastocytes - HA!
Curtis, I got another government-subsidized sandwich today. What kid gets a free lunch and then only drinks the chocolate milk? It’s gonna save me some dough on my lunch budget.
Smoggy is a sick puppy.
Anonymous is a pagan whore
‘Wow, smoggy, that’s hardcore.’
Heh…I’m a fan of Japanese Nunxploitation movies. It’s how our own Nun made her fortune (open ‘em wide and say ’sayonara’)
You know, this may seem a bit rude but I’m of the mindset that if the kids aren’t eating their government subsidized lunches, maybe they don’t need their subsidized lunches.
Nun,
I see your argument, but you forget Anne is a pagan, a druid and a witch. You don’t know if every morning she puts a spell on some poor kid so his stomach hurts and he doesn’t want to eat his lunch. Then she swoops in and divides the lunch between herself and the mop room fairy.
Although she is a powerful witchm her spell can not make a kid part with his lunch on friday, it’s Pizza.
mop room fairy!!!
Don’t listen to them Curtis. There’s nothing wrong with mop rooms.
LINE-OF-THE-DAY:
“Then she swoops in and divides the lunch between herself and the mop room fairy.”
Josh,
That’s all well and good but one of the first rules of Wicca is not to put out there what you don’t want coming back threefold. If Anne is indeed using spells to make kids not hungry then it is not she who will reap the benefits of their uneaten lunches.
I actually like mop rooms - quick wit, Smoggy. I’d be thrilled if someone would split a Federally funded lunch with me. HAVE you guys been paying attention to what my lunch ladies are serving me?!?
But that’s just it Nun, Anne is a self hating woman who wants to go on a diet but does not have the will power. So she uses Wicca to get food, and the calories of that food is taken from her body three fold! Imagine eating a whole “whirly bird” for a total of 500 calories then without working out she burns off 1500!!!!! It’s genius!
PS - Did you learn that rule of three from The Craft? Oh how I used to lust over Rachel True.
i used to work in a clinic where the cafeteria served big plates of fries for $1. that’s right, $1. one fatty that worked there had the fries everyday. every single day. cheap? yes. disgusting? yes.
Josh,
My mother is Pagan. My burro used to practice Wicca. So no, I did not learn anything from The Craft. The threefold thing is a legitimate belief of pagans.
As for burning off 1500 calories… I think you’re a might confused about how the whole ‘threefold thing’ works, Ching-Chong.
Wait, I thought yuor mom was a bible thumper!
She used to be a bible thumper. My life is complicated and a fucking soap opera. Seriously. Ask my burro.
Curtis, your lunches sound awesome. i would kill to have fondue everyday.
Ben - Yeah, it was nice at first, but now with 82% blockage in all my major artery systems it’s kind of a drag.
Nun - THAT sounds like an interesting evening of drinking, chiba, and talking about our fucked up families. With all that melodrama, it’s nice to know you kept your vocation as a nun.
Cracka - my stomach aches just thinking about it. No, wait, that must be the taco soup. Three words: Dis.gus.ting.
Curtis,
You ain’t fucking kidding, buddy. SOAP had nothing on my family. Current stepfather was met through church functions. I babysat my stepbrother the night my other stepbrother was born but we weren’t step-siblings yet. My ma and first stepdad(preacher guy) were never even married! Ma abandoned us to go live with current stepfather. My life is confusing.
no wonder you love the warm sweet embrace of the chiba
nun, i think you mean it’s a ‘mite’ confusing, not ‘might’ confusing…we’ve been through this before…don’t make me grammarFACE you, whore!
It just goes to show how fucking great I am. Lesser individuals would be seriously fucked after living my life.
she says as she puts in the X Files DVD and swears it’s a good movie……..
curtis did you get my email?!?!?! or did it die a spam’s death?
I meant X Files 2!!! X Files 1 was good; 2 not so much…….
Nun - we all understand how seriously you have been fucked, but have you ever been fucked by someone who was laughing? silly-fucked?
That’s just stupid, Benny. Why can’t you be funny??
X-Files 2 is damn fine entertainment!! Damn you, Josh!
oh, i almost forgot.
shut up, ben.
bridgette hasn’t shown her outrage over the pope trashing. she must be one of those end-of-days people who think the catholic church is the whore of babylon. plus, she’s fat and her face is shiny.
i think getting silly-fucked is funny. clown porn is funny. silly-fucked is funny.
shutup, nun. you like x-files.
Josh - I’ll have to check when I get home from work.
I just hear a story on ‘All Things Considered’ about a group of teens who have started a “no cussing club” in their school.
Fucking shithead kids. Who the goddamn hell do they think they are?
The X-Files is for smart people, that’s why you don’t like it, Ben.
Nun - the X files is for smart people? I want to believe.
Touche, Curtis. Smarties like me and the imbeciles who only care if Mulder and Scully ‘do it’.
what kind of a fucking club doesn’t fucking say fucking fuck when they fucking feel like it? what are they, fucking asians?!
‘Night internuts.
Curtis,
do you live in Europe?
I don’t think he posts much from home, Josh. It seems that when he leaves work is when he says buh-bye to us. We’re an embarrassment to Curtis and he doesn’t want his partner to know about us.
well that’s just gay!
he goes every day and makes chocolate fondue. blech!
you can hate me now
HA! Maybe I’m sick but that was actually kind of funny, Ben. Good show!
no, you’re sick
I guess I can’t be 100% fucking awesome all the time.
I’ve never quite understood the whole concept of the pope.
Does he get the pick of the litter when it comes to choir boys? Does he get to oversee the torturing of heretics or does he just shill for the Jesuits? If he were to excommunicate me, which means fuckall because I’m Pagan, could I have my Gods gang up on his god or could he get the saints involved, in which case it might be a fair fight?
I can.
Thomas, you dog-knob, 64 was for me.
BTW, you may recall from the time when I was dead and sent to hell, that doing it with Scully isn’t all it is cracked up to be.
Nun: To me you are 100 percent awesome!
Smoggy: 66 percent awesome at the topmost, more like 48 percent.
Thomas: Our Gods would so fuck up this God if they actually gave a damn about Him. But they don’t, so they won’t.
All: The fairies in the mop room eat the chewing gum glued to the desks. As for me, I hate to see food go to waste, especially since it’s not basically fondue. It actually pains me exceedingly to see my students pass on their sandwiches … they need the food … but the one who gave me his sandwich today says he works in a corner store. So he probably eats day-old pastries when he goes to work.
If I could work a spell on my students, it would be to pass this FUCKIN ULTRA-DIFFICULT New Jersey state test they have to pass to get their diplomas! I don’t want to put myself out of a job, but why should a kid who wants to fix cars have to be able to write a short story based on a retarded picture of white people?
Ben: Be quiet.
Smoggy, you’re no Fox Mulder.
That’s why your love-making sessions with Scully sucked in a not so good way.
Hey God,
Why did You smite Kevin Pearce? I love Shaun White as much as the next freak but Pearce’s run was the best.
An appropriate number for our dear Nun. But I think we both miss Zeus.
Best number ever!
I do miss Zeus.
no
i will not be quiet
i will be MAXXX VOLUMEEEE!!!
Max Volume gives the anagram ME LAX OVUM.
Franky, Ben, ovum isn’t the only thing you’re lacking.
anne,
super hard jersey test? i a person with a HS diploma from that state, i can say it’s not that hard. it bothers me when people want to make it easier because life doesn’t work that way. the test in college will not be made easier nor will the competition in the work force be made easier. if anything between the sand niggers and the ching chongs its getting harder. so tell you students t buck up and lean fractions and basic algebra.
Wow. You know what’s really unfortunate about what you’ve written, Josh? Your atrocious spelling and your knack of leaving out letters here and there. The public school system in America sucks butt.
heheh… me lax ovum. Smoggy just made me laugh really hard. You know, Scully lax ovum too.
i agree with what josh said. the soft bigotry of low expectations fucks dumbasses up the butt.
there is scene in Remember the Titans where Denzel Washington rips the white coach a new one because when the black kids did something wrong he coddled them, and told them it was goign to be alright and when the white kids fucked up he got on them to try harder. that’s soft racism that hurts the darkies in the end. the same type of racism that leads those black bastards to pray for everything, and believing God will make it alright in the end.
Him Damn it!!! I posted a link on here explaining why my spelling was all fucked up and God did not let it pass!!!! Why has Thou forsaken me! FATHER!!!!!!
There is a video game called assassin’s creed that has the best line in it. Two dudes are talking and one says, “Well you know what the bible says, God helps those who helps themselves.” THe second dude replies, “No it doesn’t, that’s in one of Aesop’s fables. The bible says the exact opposite. It says you should pray and beg for God’s help and be patient, and if, only if God wants to help you will he.”
Who would have thought a silly game would be so funny?
Making you laugh really hard is a change isn’t it Nun? Normally I make you cum really hard.
Somebody must have went all ’soft racism’ on Josh and that’s why he’s such a piss poor speller.
No, Smoggy. I’m not a sheep.
Must’ve been your woolly back that confused me.
That’s the sheepskin. I wore it for you, I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to get it up for a real live girl.
So cold Nun…so cold…
…and so stiff and slightly foetid.
What were you saying about a real live girl?
will you guys just get a pen already!
A pen, they say, is mightier than a sword
The sheep in my pen are tighter than a horde
Of nuns, all dead, dressed in fleeces, stiff as a board
Ok, I’m about to be smited, so help me God, but I believe in the UU religion. Like Nun, I was brought up in the Assembly of God bible thumping BS. I feel we are all entitled to worship together. And, some time ago I found this blog on a UU blog. Not surprised at all that it was the first on the list for Curtis. Although I am married & have never been gay, I think it important that we accept each other for who we are. Sorry, God, I do still worship You, but not in the way I was brought up & Bridgette is just a fucking idiot.
BTW Nun, both my husband & I are big X-File fans. I know that being a Steeler fan pisses you off, but I am so true to them. We all have that right. But now I fear God will make them lose the Super Bowl, but women can enjoy football too.
douche bag’s a chick!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?
Josh! who else would know more about a bag of douches??
Well, the whole reason I’m over there tutoring is because no one is giving the minority students in NJ a free ride, nor should they. But as a college graduate (Johns Hopkins), I go through those readings, and I say they’re too hard for all the kids. Who sits down and reads Jonathan Swift for pleasure anymore? (Shut up, Smoggy, we know you do.) God’s truth, yesterday we were working with a letter written by William Tecumseh Sherman demanding the speedy evacuation of Atlanta. Written with all the flourish and vocabulary popular in 1864. At least the test ought to be the kind of reading people do today, stories and editorials from our fucked up era.
And I stand by my feeling that students who are preparing to be auto mechanics and plumbers and nurse’s aides ought to have another set of standardized tests completely … ones that measure their skills from their shops.
Math ought to be practical too, mostly, but I don’t know from math. I teach language arts.
they had difficulty with the letter written by William Tecumseh Sherman demanding the speedy evacuation of Atlanta?? pfff!! fucking pathetic.
Anne, agreement on the testing and skillsets. Why force kids to read ‘Moby Dick’ (an awful book), which leads them to hating reading, hating learning, and acting up in school out of frustration and boredom?
I enjoy reading, but hated English class - Ayn Rand and Margaret Atwood had nothing to say to me.
Math, yeah, kids going to college should have advanced classes. Others should learn how to add up a column of figures, compute sales tax, and balance a checkbook, etc.
Speaking of William Sherman… http://www.thepaincomics.com/Civil%20War%20II.jpg
Ayn Rand is a pretentious cunt.
yalls gots to check this shit out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49jKeGyUCJE
God! cats are getting too smart!
i think it’s spelled “y’alls”, ben. is there someone out there softly bigoting retards or something? now….shut up.
THERE
CAN BE ONLY ONE!!
fucker!!
Dudes!! Kim Manners passed away. None of you heartless bastards will even care but Douche and Cracka might recognize that name. Fuckin’ sad, dudes. Fuckin’ sad.
Oh yeah… the Steelers suck, Douche. Sorry. They used to have class but now they don’t. I hope bible-thumper Kurt Warner crushes them.
cracka - up your butt with a coconut!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxmY3GugsPQ
had to google it, nun. but now i remember. well, everybody poops and everybody dies eventually. often, those two things happen simeltaneously…a lot like the concurrence of shutting and up ben.
the steelers are a very dull team that wins a lot. they are boring as hell. they make football less fun to watch. but, they are 5-1 in the superbowl and stand a good chance of winning there 6th. they are the opposite of the rest of our teams that SUCK. so, whatever, the steelers are good. but their fans suffer the cruel injustice of being forced to live in pittsburgh.
crap.
*their 6th*
looks like someone softly bigoted the bigots when i was in school.
The Steelers suck!!
anne,
this ain’t star trek, or the smurfs, kids have to be more rounded in order to compete in the world economy. saying little latisha should only know how to do hair weaves and not have a higher level of reading comprehension needed to determine the grade of hair in the package is doing her a disservice.
and you can’t use the fact that you are a college graduate and its hard for you as a litmus test. we all know you’re and immortal witch and went JHU and was in the first graduating class of 1880, when all you needed to know to graduate was how to start a fire and skin a coon (the animal and the black people)
Josh,
I feel like I must interject some wisdom here. Little Latisha is obviously a black child as her name is ‘Latisha’. Therefore, knowing how to do hair weaves and putting accessories on fingernails are really the only skills she needs to know. She doesn’t need to know how to count because they’ll hire a white chick to run the till.
Josh, they shouldn’t turn kids out with a ‘Certificate of Learning’ or some such foolishness, but forcing someone who’s going to be a mechanic to read ‘Atlas Shrugged’ is a waste of time. I’m not saying students should read ‘Captain Wambo’ Comix, but not all kids go to college. If my mechanic can read the instructions for proper installation of brakes, I’ll be happy.
if your mechanic needs instructions to change your brake pads, get a new mechanic.
The local Vo-Tech schools are called ‘colleges’ now. This means the students (who used to learn how to cook, or weld, or repair cars) have to take crappy English and Math classes.
when a person is single-faceted like that it leads to problems, they can be taken advantage of on the areas where they have no knowledge. Now your mechanic got ripped off by a lawyer because the deepest book he read was “The Watchmen” and although Rorschach if a well defined character, it did not prevent him from being swindled in a confidence scam. In order to pay his rent he has to rip off this old feeble man who comes in to get his breaks fixed. Good for him that the old pervert is also singular in his learning, and does not bat an eye when the mechanic says he needs to pay $3,000 to get his Johnson rod fixed.
He’s good on the old car, but the new one…who knows? Maybe you have to walk around the car widdershins, skyclad, whilst quoting something from Te Big Book of Faeries and Car Repair.
i think we should all pack heat. that’ll keep the lawyers and mechanics in line whilst also keeping drug dealers safe from other drug dealers.
Well rounded, but not forced to read Tolstoy and hope it helps him understand the 1040 Long form!
I wonder if Anne has ‘Big Johnson’ printed on a T-shirt.
is there a passage in “remembrance of things past” on how to avoid pyramid schemes? that proust really was ahead of his time.
Wow. I’m so sad, a bunch of hillbillies and a retarded chinky-chong are probably smarter than I am.
I’m just saying, the more you know type stuff.
the kid shouldn’t have to compare Shakespearian themes to the current episode of Knight rider, but they should be required to read Shakespeare. That way they know not to fake a poisoning when they love the daughter of the rival gang leader, it will not end up the way they want it.
Meetings all morning. Meetings all lunch. Meetings with the hospital attorney.
Stupid job.
Bar-B-Que chicken, scalloped potato, green beans boiled beyond recognition, homemade beef vegetable soup, and a cherry turnover. NO FONDUE!!!
know this Nun, even the dumbest Asian is smarter than the smartest white person. It’s God’s way of keeping you crackas humble.
Ching Chong durr = M(C*C)
Nun- who y’all callin’ a hillbilly?
The technical term from where I come from is “hilljack”. We’re much more ejumacated than hillbillies.
I don’t want to know that you ejaculate more than hillbillies, Curtis. That’s your own business.
josh is a walking PSA, except more annoying because he lasts longer than 30 seconds and he’s such a faggot…at least that’s what this jewish guy told me.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I ain’t no ‘hillbilly’, either. Nor am I a ching-chong.
“he’s such a faggot…at least that’s what this jewish guy told me.”
Funny- the Paperclip Wizard told me the same thing!
et tu microsoft help desk?
i thought about going with an ejaculating hillbillies joke, but then i thought, “that won’t be funny.”
then i read nun’s post and i laughed.
should have followed my instincts.
ha, Cracka… that’s funny because I thought “man, they won’t even know I’m making a joke, they’ll just think I can’t read”.
check it out Josh:
a day after Obama got innoggurratted i see this poster at my supermarket:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/22024929@N00/3226158269/
fuckin’ racist pepsi. somebody should spraypaint ‘Ho,’ above the first two words.
I don’t get it.
I’ll bet this is the kind of shit that Bridgette does with her days… threatening those that are much smarter than she’ll ever be…
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/27/david-attenborough-science
And what the fuck is ‘innoggurratted’, Ben? More proof that Josh made a valid point earlier?
‘Fo sho’ (For sure) sounds like something a Black man in a 1940;s movie would say. “I is gwin to eats some fried chicken, fo sho! (Translation: I do believe I will go eat some fried chicken, for sure.)
The Paper Clip Wizard also told me you can grind candy corn into flour.
I want to beat him.
Who sneezed on Bridgette?
Obesity Caught Like Common Cold
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090126/sc_livescience/obesitycaughtlikecommoncold
Nun, I did know who Kim Manners was & I also heard about his death. Yes, very sad.
I know most folks hate the Steelers & honestly, unless we get a decent Offensive line, I don’t know about the upcoming Super Bowl. I do love Hines Ward the most. I think the stadium’s name should be changed to Hines Field.
Who knows? I could be crying in my terrible towel on Sunday.
I think the Cowboys are the worst. Thank God that T.O. left Philly & went there. What a jerk. They deserved him down in Dallas.
after 5 superbowl wins, you have no right to cry. you could swear a little and say something how it would have been nice to get number 6, but if you go any further that that you deserve to lose…
nun, 132, yes. that’s exactly what she does.
yoyo, 135, it is bridgette who does the sneezing. if only they could find her they could create the vaccine.
I’m not really teaching my students to read Jonathan Swift. Instead we’re making magic wands. They will wave the wand over the test before they take it. Voila! You know, it takes a lot of skill to make a really great wand. (I’m a natural at it, being a Johnson.)
The kids here at the Vo-Tech get Shakespeare and Homer and that canon stuff as seniors. Which of course they should, and they have to pass senior English to graduate. As juniors they read Steinbeck and other 20th century writers … not Ayn Rand.
They have hair-dressing at the other campus. Here they have flower-arranging. Now you would think that’s a powder puff course of study. Until you see the 700 page textbook that includes advanced botany, soil chemistry, and plant physiology. The culinary textbook is over 1000 pages, hardly can lift it! (Clearly Curtis’s cafeteria ladies never lifted it.)
Curtis: Today we had baked tilapia, steamed vegetables (mostly carrots) and an egg roll. Don’t know why the eggroll was there.
Now I have to help my daughter with her notes for her World Cultures midterm. What a travesty! A unit on comparative religions that has no mention of fairies! What ARE they teaching kids in New Jersey? I object!
in early December some asshole in my neighborhood put a bunch of notes on everyone’s door and on all the telephone poles saying we need to get back to a traditional Christmas and that everyone should decorate their houses to give their kids the gift of a traditional christmas in America. I think it was Bridgette.
Josh, no comment on this?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/22024929@N00/3226158269/
This showing up one day after Obama becomes president along with the phrase ‘refresh everything.’
that’s racist fo’ sho’.
ahhh sometimes racism is such a part of a person they don’t realize that it’s racist. like when i was in mexico and every wetback kept calling me bro, or the white guy at work who assumed i would know where the weed spot was.
all i know is pepsi spent millions on this new logo, it’s every where on the subways and it sucks, fo sho.
Steve Carell saying ’she was a ho, fo sho’ was one of the funniest parts of that movie. That and the guys playing video games and specifying why the other is gay. Speaking of, God has Coldplay on His list of Divine Songs… I wonder if that means He swings the gay way.
Damn you, Douche Bag with your strict rationalism. You’re still a Steelers fan which makes you less of a human, sorry. And Hines Ward is a demon. We do stand united in our hatred of the Cowfucks though.
you live in Brooklyn and you don’t know where the weed spot is??
This is fascinating to me:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28861515/
At first I was like, what the fuck. Now I completely agree the douche should have got fired. The head of this Christian school did the right thing. What that coach did was just plain immoral.
Fuck the other team. They were losers who didn’t try their best.
no, they obviously didn’t try their best. i think what the winning team did was immoral and very likely racist. this was in texas.
john updike died.
i think rich, white people send their kids to rich, private christian schools and then they all vent their racist hatred out on poor black public school by destroying them in sports. happens all the time.
i think they were losers who DID try their best…which is the worst kind of all. that’s the best you can do? fucking loser.
ben, there is not a “private” (white) school in the universe that could beat an “inner-city” (black) school in basketball.
you really are need of a good shutting up.
i guess the parentheses were redundant.
Uhh… first, blacks are infinitely superior when it comes to athletics to the inferior whities. Second, the other school is also a private Christian school filled with rich whities. Why are you such an idiot?
no, you’re both wrong and have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. first of all, i played football for a poor and predominantly black high school. it’s true that black athletes are often great, but what you don’t know is that the rich white catholic schools recruit the best athletes from the state and even from around the country. we played a school that had fucking kicker from hawaii.
you are idiots.
also, we had to play both ways the whole game while they had enough players to play different teams for offense and defense, not to mention substitutions.
let’s also not forget that the girls basketball team that lost in this case was from a school for girls with learning disabilities and behavior problems who have not won a game in 4 years.
let’s also not forget that God hates your parents so much that he made you a retard.
i played me some sports back in the day, too. there wasn’t a black kid within 25 square miles of the place, though.
they should not have fired him! if anything they should have fired the other coach who has not won a game in 4 years!!!!!
the guy who won 100-0 is a great coach, maybe the Knicks can hire him.
Didn’t Ben claim to be from Iowa at one point? Like we believe there are black people in Iowa.
I attended an urban, predominantly black secondary school as well and we always beat the holy hell out of O’Dea. Ben either went to school with defective blacks or they weren’t really black at all.
cracka, 132, keep in mind that I had to suffer the Bubby Brister years. My towel is 34 years old & does have a few mascara smears on it.
i grew up in jersey ya dumb cunt.
Ben, unless you are 18 years old, this was high school. Please. Let it go so that we can all have happy lives.
You were being so much more polite than last year and all the sudden you’re using the word “idiot”. That’s SO gay.
Now he used the “c” word.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Ben and your salty language. I hope you don’t eat with that potty mouth.
this is how i tawk. i grew up in jersey ya dumb cunt.
No, sweetie. You never grew up.
ah well, who cares. the douchebag got fired because the good people acted for once. you don’t run up the score like that on a team of retards. it just ain’t right.
yeah ben, what exit?
Teaneck.
as far as running up the score on tards: that’s why tards are there, to remind us non tards how great we are
well ya got a point there. i love looking at their sweet retarded smiles. i should mention the only retards i like are downies. the rest of those dumb bastards can go screw.
teaneck?!?!? you parents are rich! you live next door to eddie murphy or russel simmons?
wha? i don’t know bout that. half that town was rich and white and black and the other half was poor and white and black and latino. i was poor.
they live there now?? when i was there i know jodeci lived there, and i heard that biggie smalls had a condo at glen pointe.
i lived in neptune, a real poor town, when i lived there a heard there was a kid who had both the jodeci and biggie albums
douche bag,
if the vikings had won their four superbowls in the 70s i would be perfectly happy to sit here quietly through the tarvaris jackson years looking at my 4 time superbowl championship poster. but it didn’t happen. you should go to more pirates games…
Gotta remember that these rich private school fucks can afford personal trainers and top-drawer coaches and summer camps. And all that shit does help so-so athletes become great athletes.
At the risk of making Ben talk, where is Teaneck? I’m from the Dixie side of New Jersey.
bergen county, right next to hackensack
i’m actually in the process of moving back there, iowa sucks major cow-ass. hey josh, maybe when i get out there we can hang out and you can show me the ropes and plug me into the social pipeline.
hey, josh, maybe you should plug him into the electrical outlet and dump a bucket of water over his head. that’ll shut him up.
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ben, do you really want Josh showing you the social pipeline? He doesn’t even know where to buy weed.
How’d you end up in Iowa, Ben?
plus, he’s a new dad.
you’d show up and he’d be like,
“this is where the baby sleeps.
this is where the baby’s diapers are.
this is where we keep the baby formula.”
awesome.
The winning coach should have Been A Sport, and put in the second-stringers, the water boy, the cheerleaders, that fat kid from the chess club, etc, etc.
then again,
he does know a guy who knew a guy who catered the daily show once
or something like that
Cracka, then he’d move on to stuff like: “This is where we keep the spare binky, and over here Mr. Chippy lives with Mrs. Teddy Bear.
yoyo, fat kids don’t play chess…that’s more of a skinny dork thing to do.
fat kids are a different kind of nerd altogether.
Cracka, you’re right, my bad.
(I used to be the water boy for the chess team, I should know this stuff.)
yoyo,
vortex sucked me in, just like everybody else here.
Vortex? That’s a long way to go for jewelry.
Vortex
211 E. Washington St. Downtown Iowa City
http://www.vortexgifts.com/
the only time i feel good about living in minnesota this time of year is when i think of iowa.
cracka, been to Pirates games, too. I now live about 4 hours from Pittsburgh . I prefer football & am proud of the Steeler’s, through thick & thin.The 70’s were awesome years for me.
Nun, my views on life are a result of getting older. Have always been truthful about my younger years with our sons. I don’t think of it as strict rationalism, just lessons learned in life.
Minnesota’s state motto: “At least we’re not Iowa”
hey, at least Iowa’s not Nebraska.
GNU’s not Unix. (A real techno-nerd allusion, doubt anyone’s heard of it.)
no no yo yo. i meant a real temporal space vortex opened up and sucked me through and i wound up in a cornfield. then i took a shit.
actually our motto is:
minnesota, because all the adjacent states suck.
don’t even think about it, johnson.
back off, ben.
there can be
ONLY ONE!!
it’s only cheating if a pagan does it.
Hmmmm…a vortex of love? Finance? Usually, the vortex will land in Kansas, dropping you, your house and your little dog, too!
Maine’s motto: What does it matter if you aren’t in Maine?
Go, go, cracka! You are the Man!
damn it!!
Iowa or Jersey.
In either state you will continue to suck.
fuck you ya douche.
FACE!
longtime lurker here. Ben you’re awesome dude. keep rocking.
Thanks anony, I will.
did ben just log in as anonymous to declare himself a FACE and tell himself he’s awesome?
no i would never do that and frankly i resent your even suggesting it. i’m offended.
But who else would do it? No on can lurk that long.
you’re suddenly just now offended? that only took 8 months.
hey look! josh has a song now.
(whew! just the distraction i needed)
(it’s a good thing i don’t comment my thoughts.)
I can’t believe y’all are surprised that Ben would do something so incredibly lame.
If God is adding music to His Divine List of Tunage then I would like to again ponder where or where is “Blasphemous Rumours”? I think our Divine God has proven that yes, He does have a sick sense of humor and I love Him all the more for it.
yo yo 180 - I did not say I did not know where the weed spot was I was just a little pissed he assumed I knew, and my white coworkers did not.
Ben - You don’t want to hang out with me, all my friends are either my friends because of my wife (her friends) or they are comics, and hanging out with comics and you’re not one is a horrible thing (unless you’re a woman, with big tits and call yourself Nun).
My theme song rocks!!!!! It’s the theme song from The Last Dragon one of the greatest movies ever, and the main guy, Bruce Leroy, is a mixed kid!!!!! Plus Vanity was in it, back when she gave up the goods to other people besides Jesus!
Hey Ben,
Have you seen Pirate McCain?
“I lost ye election, arrrrrgh!”
Josh,
I do believe God has shown His Divine Love for you. You’ve mentioned loving that film on this blog before but it was quite awhile ago. God loves you!!
And I would totally hang out with you and your comic friends. Good time to be had by all, I’m sure. And maybe, just maybe, somebody can introduce me to Jon Stewart. I won’t try to fuck him, I know he’s married with kids now but I sure wouldn’t mind just talking to the guy. Maybe smoke a blunt or two.
An anonymous lurking person appears
to tell Ben he’s an awesome dude?
No.
Ben you’re the Awesomest!
“Sir, it is with great respect that I say that is Bullshit”
Maybe Ben is awesome.
Maybe Ben is fraught with error and incongruity.
We know the answer, Ben.
We know.
AHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You don’t know the answer.
You know nothing.
I AM AWESOME.
Arrrrr….shiver me pampers….how did i lose to that moor….arrr….
One problem is that you tried too hard to look like me, PieRat.
Oh yeah, and you’re also an idiot.
Hey Cracka, do the towns in Minnesota all have retarded names? Between New Jersey and Pennsylvania, you could do a comic monologue on dumb names alone. Hackensack. Hoboken. Pennsauken. Manahawkin. Conshohocken. King of Prussia (that’s my favorite). Manyunk.
These are probably Native American names that mean something like “Lovely Garden” or “Sweet River,” but to us colonizers they’re just a lot of funny noise.
Anne, all those names illustrate the Naming Rule in comedy: If it’s got a ‘k’ in it, it’s funny! And if it’s in New Jersey, pure Comedy Gold!
Greetings from Kezar Falls, Maine.
the town names in minnesota are boring. they are named after scandinavian places like this:
new ulm
new oslo
or countries like this:
little canada
little germany
or animals like this:
beaver falls
deer river
pretty lame
Those are Injun names, Anne. Except for King of Prussia. I don’t think that’s Injun at all.
Dudes!! I think the business I work for is about to crumble away into nothing. Fucking economy!
crap, nun. you can always sell, you know, yourself.
Nun (I AM NOT A WHORE) sell what she’s been giving away?
Seriously, sorry to hear it, Nun.
WE ARE DYSLEXIC OF BORG. Refutance is systile. Your azz will be laminated.
Missouri has been completely snow smited - 5 friggin inches. I slid down my driveway sideways. What really sucks is that on inclement weather days, the lunch ladies give free lunches. SO, on a bitterly cold snowy day when you really would like to be fed like an Amish farmhand what do they serve?
Cold sandwiches and vegetable soup.
Not even fondue! GOD DAMNED BITCHES!!!!
LUNCH FACE!
I. AM. NOT. A. WHORE!!!
Yet.
we’re all whores…in that ayn rand kind of way that yoyo has pointed out is not really much of a literary insight and shouldn’t be thrown around to impress people with your ability to reference smart people stuff in a run on sentence.
curtis, your adventures with the lunch ladies are pretty dramatic.
My school was closed today due to the weather, so I’ll have to scrounge around the fridge. Ick. Would rather have fondue.
Nun, I hope your company hangs in there. I will ask the fairies to take this under advisement.
Yo Yo, I’ve been meaning to take you to task. How dare you pretend to be playing your $5 million Stradivarius cello at the inauguration? What’s a one-of-a-kind instrument when you can be near Sasha and Malia?
Cracka, that sentence made my head hurt. You would be correct. The lunch ladies must be aliens from a distant planet or something. They can’t be human.
Nun - I hope # 230 wasn’t a serious remark.
nUN i am sorry for your predicament. what industry is your business in???
Construction. The industry of DOOM in the current economy. What really sucks is we’re desperately trying to stay afloat and one of the ways we might do that is making the employee responsible for their insurance premiums. I have already lost two additonal sources of income and will have to say bye-bye to health insurance if we really go that route. Fucking economy!
Tax breaks will do me no good if I’m not paying fucking taxes! Fucking Bush! 
I really wish Bush would go hunting with Cheney.
Anne - I broke up the Strad for kindling. Ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - it gave a lovely light!”
Curtis, you aren’t some kind of drama queen, are you?
Cracka, I love to use run on sentences (tossing in some erudite cultural reference to show how erudite I am) until my victim’s eyes glaze over, then I steal their wallet.
Nun, I used to work construction (field engineer), but hated the up and down cycles. Also hated being told, “Go to East Bumhole, NY, we need an engineer there for the next six months. No, we don’t care that you have a life.”
A lot of construction guys are hot so I didn’t mind transferring into this field. The nice thing about managing an office is you can pretty much go into any field you choose. And now you nosy freaks have a general idea on how I make a living.
… only confirming Nun’s often-repeated assertion that she is not employed in the comfort woman industry…
well it’s nice to know no matter what you won’t be completely fucked, in the metaphorical sense anways
shut up, ben.
Whoo-hoo! I got the bi-bi-centeniall!
Yo - no, I’m not some sort of drama queen. Most things I’m completely laid back with (don’t you dare, Cracka) but nobody, I mean NOBODY messes with my lunch.
Nun - all kidding aside. Good thoughts to you, babe.
I like Josh’s theme song. It doesn’t sound very Asian, but it’s still cool.
yo yo,
Would you do this if it was your fruit bowl?
http://www.spike.com/video/lawler-pees-on-his/3057928
curtis,
not only is the song Asain, it’s black AND Asian!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBqwAr34DF8
Does God hate blasians?
I mean, you kinda have the best of both worlds, right? Smart, good at math and science, good at basketball, and huge penises. I’m not seeing a downside to this.
you don’t see the down side because you’re taking the best of both worlds, now imagine the worst”
small penis, unemployable, little hands, bad at math, buck teeth, horrible Engrish skills, etc.
FYI - the guy in the video is half black and half Asian! I, sadly, am not.
Ah, well you do have a point. It is too bad you’re not half black.
Thanks, Curtis but it’s all good. Everything happens for a reason and when bad things happen to me, I beat my kid. So, even if things work out badly, I get to beat my kid and that makes everything okay again. That may seem mean and cruel but you try parenting a loser who doesn’t try his best.
No wonder you smoke so much chiba, to dull the pain of a loser son who doesn’t try his best. I hope you mention this to him often, otherwise he’ll never know.
I like to be real and honest with him so I tell him everyday that he’s a loser and he ruined my life. Then he cries. What a fucking baby!
bridgette is fat.
times are hard on the blvd.
seriously, I hope you get to keep your job Nun.
But if you lose it, “don’t go into a rage….
you can always cut my grass for minimum wage”
going into a rage for getting fired seems to be a recurring these days. i heard the front page of the new york post was obscene today:
http://www.nypost.com/seven/01282009/news/nationalnews/axed_dad_slaughters_family_152403.htm
All it said was ‘TERMINATED.’
haha, great pun. the people who post on the post website are racist as fuck.
Thanks, Josh. Unfortunately, it’s not just me that will be smited if we go under. All my guys will be fucked too. I do hope they all realize that I won’t fuck the unemployed unless they’re black. If I had those kind of standards for the darkies, I’d never get me some sweet, sweet chocolate.
so you will or won’t fuck the unemployed darkies?
i’m confused.
Nun is making a social commentary on how hard it is for black dudes to find work.
I feel her pain with the loser child. My child is an even bigger loser with a shitty personality and a daily need for expensive Starbucks shit.
cracka,
Nun does not use the terms “won’t” and “fuck” in the same sentence unless the sentence also contains the term “cracka”.
AHAHAHAHAHA!
ahehehehe.
you still got it Josh.
i get it now, johnson. a reread made sense of that so called sentence.
at least your kid’s not hooked on real drugs…yet…
that’s true, josh, nun won’t fuck crackers. so we roofy her ass…and her vagina.
stupid life.
in my town so many people (mostly black) have been laid off that the morning commute is now ten minutes shorter due to the lack of cars.
save us, obama! i hope he really is the messiah like the conservatives say I think he is…
Poor Cracka was busy thinking of my scrumptious vajayjay that he’ll never have so he was unable to read what I wrote. I’ll repeat it now for the penis impaired…
I do hope they all realize that I won’t fuck the unemployed unless they’re black.
let’s all applaud Bush for solving the morning and evening traffic problem nationwide
Yo’ Pops,
Biggups on givin’ Me a song. That shit iz da’ truth!
Y’all niggas and bitches better recognize!!!
nun, your vajayjay is neither scrumptious nor a vajayay.
it’s more like an inside out manatee nestled in a briar patch.
an old classic.
jesus is a wigger.
jesus, dude, you’re white. (no matter what these revisionists try to tell us. you and i both know that you were one of the white jews, not the jewy jews.)
I love construction workers, whether or not they’re unemployed. Race does not matter either, except I draw the line at Mexicans.
Awww… Cracka’s just upset cuz he knows he’ll never have my precious precious.
Jesus was more of an Arab (Pronounced - long “A”, then Rab) than a Jew, he probably looked like Bin Laden (Hence “feet of bronze” and “hair of wool”) This white version of Jesus is pretty stupid, and a pussy, and he has a perm which is totally Gay, but not in the cool way like Curtis, more in the way of Clay Aiken.
still hating mexicans, huh Anne? That 500 year old blood feud between you and Montezuma will never end. He broke your heart, adn then tried to cut it out your chest, get over it. It’s so 1487.
I’ve always gotten a kick out of the paintings of Aryan Jesus. If the real Jesus was walking down the street, most Christians would grab their mace and jaywalk to get away from him. And most airlines wouldn’t let him board.
Damn Montezuma! I tried to warn him. I said, “Hey, Monty, kill these white fuckers before they multiply.” But he thought the white guys were interesting. Dumbass king and his human sacrifices! And a lot of really nice gods are just sitting around bored now … all because Montezuma didn’t pop Cortez.
Yeah, I’m still bitter.
I like you Anne, you make me laugh at myself and thank God I’m not white. Ching Chong 4 Life!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pLJxMzoXdY
Josh is a nippy-nippy-chink-chink.
Anybody here watch Avatar: The Last Airbender? That’s a pretty fucking cool cartoon.
I wonder how long it will take the human race to blend into one “color” due to all the “mixed race” babies we have. What color will we end up, I wonder, beige? puce? goldenrod?
‘Night y’all.
It’s an honor to make a new father laugh … hey, wait a minute … new father … no sleep …
I’M NOT FUNNY AT ALL!
Shut. Up. Ben.
Anybody else see Bridgette has a song now too? It’s a Ben Folds song about an all-you-can-eat buffet.
HAHA!! I’m telling y’all ‘Blasphemous Rumours’ needs to be on that fucking list of Divine Fucking Songs. God has a deliciously wicked sick sense of humor.
Testing Anne’s memory:
Cracka lives in Pretty Lame, Minnesota.
Yo Yo lives in Geezer Falls, Maine. Or is it Keister Falls?
Avatar is a great show, I have all the DVDs and hope to one day watch it with my little ching chong.
The sad part is M. Night Dingdong is making the movie and casting all white people to play the asians. Ching CHong him to hell!!!!!
Uh oh. Century quickening on the horizon.
don’t do it pagan.
don’t even think it!
THERE
CAN
BE
ONLY
Dear God, My Heavenly Father,
Please allow a humble loser such as myself to have the 300 post. It is not for my glory but for the one known as Ben’s defeat. His existance is a blight on Your glorious creation.
all praise and glory belong to You.
You humble servant,
Josh
ONE!!!I AM A FAG THAT SUCKS ON GIGANTIC COCKS ALL DAY LONG. PLEASE GIVE ME MORE COCK.
President Obama was amazed that his daughters’ new school was closed today due to the weather. Okay, here’s what he doesn’t know. If a flake of snow flies south of the border of New York State, everything closes. Around here in South Jersey, all of God’s holy prayer meetings have been cancelled tonight. And it’s just raining!
God’s faithful are afraid of car crashes on the ice? What gives, God?
301 — Josh, this is one time when prayer usually works. I’ll be following this with great interest.
the schools in NYC are open so my basketball game is on tonight. And I think Ben’s game of slap the dick is still on.
I love God more and more everyday!!
Josh,
Yes, M. Night Shamalamadingdong will completely ruin Avatar the movie. I’m so bummed about that.
EXCELLENT QUICKENING SMITE, SIR!!!
now, what to drink?
what’s that ben? i couldn’t hear you because you were
SHUTTING THE FUCK UP!
the rest of you may kindly fuck off now…
i am going home to listen to my depeche mode records. blow the dust off those vinyl jackets and think of what a cool hipster i am with my vintage album collection.
awwww maaaaannnn….
fuuuckkk!!
Nice.
Loves it.
God,
Although You are fully aware of Your greatness, I wish to say thank You for Your smite of Ben the human ball juggler. Thank You Lord!
Your humbler servant,
Josh
Ask, and you shall receive.
Especially when it comes to smiting Ben.
1. Yea, and the Lord dids’t say, “Call upon Me in faith and humility and I, the Lord your God, will hear your prayers and smite the pagans and numbnuts amongst you.
2. I will cast them off Mine Sacred Centuries and into the outer darkness where their stones will shrivel, their back passages pucker and sprout haemorrhoids, and their pubic hair crawl with lice.”
3. And God did this. And He shut Ben up. And it was good.
4. And in the three hundreds God rested.
Bible, Third Testament, ‘Book of Smitings’, Chapter 2, verses 1-4, RSV [Reprehensible Smoggy Version]
Well said, nut case.
I liked The Avatar, it was a good American manga. I’m puzzled that anyone, let alone M. Nightmare, would make it into a live-action movie. He’ll screw it up.
In spite of the dire warnings, we only got a foot of snow, not enough for me to leave three tracks.
The thing that Kevin Costner said about the baseball field he was building is exactly the same thing that the architect of the Chicken Ranch said. They both said,
“Build it — and they will…”
I have a problem. I’m Hooked on Phonics. I just found a 12 step program for people like me.
At first, I only did it at parties. You know? Social Phonics? “Hello B B Bob! Did you take the B Bus?
Then I had to have my fix every morning. My work suffered. (”The R R Report is R Ready!” Friends stopped calling. I had the shakes until I did all the basic consonants. Then it was vowels. I thought I didn’t have a problem. I could quit any time I wanted. But I didn’t want to.
I’m going to a clinic, trying to wean myself off the phonics, but I backslid. Last week I broke into a bookstore. The cops found me in the Language Learning aisle, cowering under some books, headphones clamped over my ears, eyes rolled back.
I went to my first PA meeting last night. There were a bunch of kindergarten teachers, a disk jockey, even some lawyers. I stood up and introduced myself:
“My name is Yo, and I’m Hooked on Phonics.”
“Hi Y-Y-Yo!”
Did you watch The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas last night, Yo? I did. I can’t help it, I love Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. Even when they make subpar films.
Watch it? I lived it!
No, didn’t see it last night. I like Dolly’s songs, especially ‘Hard Candy Christmas’.
9 to 5 is one of the greatest movies!
I concur with both of you. Fags.
Fags? We were both staring at Dolly’s ta-tas!
Josh, did the City have any trouble cleaning up from the snow storm? All schools running here, a few delays, that’s all.
Fags like titties too, Yo. The fact of the matter is, any man who likes Dolly Parton music or movies is a fag, plain and simple. Fag.
Define fag.
Yo Yo and Josh.
Yes?
Is a fag the same as a gay?
Way too much effort for a fucking joke. Just forget it, Yo.
Forget what?
Today’s poem
I was sitting on the stoop with nothing to do,
just picking some matzoh off the sole of my shoe.
When along came a Jew, going my way,
a moy’el who groaned and said “Oy Vey”.
“This morning I’ve got to perform a bris,
please can you tell me where it is?”
“It’s for the Goldstein’s new son,
But if I’m not careful, when I am done,
That is, if I don’t do vat I orter,
In twelve years we’ll hev a Bat Mizvah
for their new daughter.”
9 to 5 is really funny. i like the part when they get high.
hey whore, it looks like God gave you that song you wanted.
the city is fine. They DOT sent out an email yesterday at 4 PM saying alternate side of the street parking would be suspended today for snow clean up. At 4:10 they sent another email out saying “Just kidding, we need the revenue from tickets!”
Nun, I honestly watched 9 to 5 to look at her titties, and to laugh at Lily Tomlin. If looking at huge fake titties that makes me a fag, then by all means I love penis.
Oh what y’all get up to when I’m gone. #300 was, indeed, a classic. Well played.
Greasy pork chops, mashed potato, sauerkraut, cheesy cauliflower soup (basically fondue), and apple pie.
I am not a whore, fag-Ben!
Thanks, God!!
Yes, Josh… you are a fag. God should out you like He did with Benny.
Nun,
So if I’m gay, then can I touch your breasts?
Just to set the record straight (sort of), Nun is right.
Staring at fake boobies makes you gay. Staring at real boobies means you’ve got to be straight. So, Josh loves the dick now. That would be great news if he weren’t a ching chong. No Asian penis in my butt - no way.
if looking at fake boobs make you gay, then every dude with a subscription to Playboy are raging homos.
^every dude is!!! not are! Him damn fast typing and the grammar it kills.
Josh,
#337 - that’s the best news I’ve heard all week!
josh, dude…the number of grammer mistakes in that sontance were too many to cunt.
Josh,
Of course you can. I always let my fags touch my titties.
Is it stupid to refer to Ben as Bengay now?
341 - YESSSSSSS!!!!!! I’ll see you tonight, and I’ll bring my DVD copies of 9 to 5 and Rhinestone Cowboy
How about the gayest movie ever: Steel Magnolias? or maybe The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas? I’ve never seen either nor wanted to, but for a chance to touch the legendary Nun boobs, I’ll do it!
Steel Magnolias is a fucking chick-flick. I hate chick-flicks but it is funny when Sally Field cries. It’s even funnier when Julia Roberts dies. Bring that whorehouse film and I’ll spend the entire time making sure you understand that I AM NOT A WHORE!!
I’ll still let you fondle my boobies though.
All who wish to fondle Nun’s jug-dugglers please form a line.
We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn’t have to stop there.
cracka must be drunk today.
Nun, you know the difference between a gay man and a straight man?
Two shots of tequila and a six pack.
Ben, I think cracka is drunk every day. On some days, he’s functional, others, too soused to grouse.
I remember the last recession, when I got laid off and had to go to interviews:
Interviewer: “It says on your resume you were on a sabbatical of self-exploration and creative writing for five months.”
Me: (crossing fingers) “Yes.” (I was really watching porn flicks and sending out resumes.)
Interviewer: “And then spent a month researching ways to reduce greenhouse gases? Very commendable!”
Me: “Thanks.” (I got bored with resumes and porn, so I practiced lighting farts with a match.)
Curtis,
Sometimes it doesn’t even take that much!
if all it takes is some booze to go gay, then you were gay in the first place. just be true to yourself.
I like how some people I know say they experimented with homosexuality. Somehow I don’t think they put on a lab coat and bent over.
Agreement. I couldn’t drink enough to want to take a turgid crank up the one way highway.
Curtis, I just had the most delicious lunch. Chicken primavera with mini-raviolis, mushrooms, asparagus, zucchini, and carrots. Delicious!
Wowzer, Anne, was this at school?
Hey!! Where’d the Coldplay song go, God?? I was just kidding when I said it makes You gay. Everybody knows that Coldplay only makes mortal guys gay.
Nun, your gayness comment did not concern Me. I was not happy with the name I chose for the song and cannot decide what to name it. Do you have a suggestion?
I also would like to punish Anne Johnson with a song that denounces heretics but have so many to choose from that I am having trouble deciding this as well.
Would You be so kind as to remind my poor, feeble mortal mind what You had named it originally, Divine Sir?
As for Anne, have You thought about putting it up for a mortal vote or is that thought so distasteful that I should be smited for even suggesting such a thing? You knows I sure wouldn’t trust the opinion of any of these heathen fuckholes.
NO VOTES!
This is not a sacrilegious democracy - this is a moral dictatorship!
Just make suggestions. I will pick the best song for the dendrophiliac.
rob zombie has that dragula song
dig through the ditches
burn through the witches
wow, those are terrible lyrics.
“Anne’s Song”
“Ode to the mop room fairy”
i like
‘ode to the mop room fairy’
or
‘riding a magic rainbow unicorn to the twinkling fairies in the sky’
There, I have added some more songs to My Divine Playlist.
While we’re discussing this, what song should Yo Yo Ma Ma have?
’salmon of wisdom, tuna on rye’
or
‘baby, oh baby (basically fondue)’
yoyo needs an old blues song about getting old.
something from muddy waters or junior kimbrough.
there’s a junior kimbrough cover
on some album…
hold on.
If I may put in my 2p, something from Bach? Six Suites for Cello, perhaps?
“done got old”
by junior kimbrough
Hmmmm… hadn’t thought of the blues…House Rent is an easy choice…or go in another direction…”Got My Mojo Working”?
“Sloppy Drunk” or “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” should be cracka’s reserve songs.
Anne believes in unicorns and the song is far too sappy and stupid for God’s Divine Playlist but maybe ‘The Unicorn Song’ so Anne realizes that unicorns are just a figment of her imagination as they were too busy to save their asses by getting on the Ark and much preferred frolicking around in the rain. Unicorns were so gay with all that frolicking they did.
I think Yo Yo’s should be ‘Sweet Transvestite’.
Cracka, I just checked, I’ve got some Junior Kimbrough tunes on my PC, however, I don’t have ‘Done Got Old’.
Have to look that one up.
Have any of you guys seen The Machine Girl? I’m on the fence about renting it. I did love the host.
I think Anne’s song should be “Wishing on a Star”
Gillian Anderson should be pissed. She wrote a message to her fans on her website and ‘WENN’ picked it up and butchered what she said. What jerks. Journalistic integrity no longer exists.
No self-respecting unicorn would ever get on an ark to save itself from the wrath of Jealous. Luckily there are some mountains higher than Ararat, and the unicorns frolicked there until the flood ended.
Every business has a mop room. Y’all better be careful dissing the mop room fairy.
Yes, Yo Yo, I have the luck to be at a Vo-Tech with a culinary arts class. We eat whatever the students fix every day
it does exist, nun. it’s just that it all gets used to produce frontline episodes and after that there’s only enough left for amy goodman.
Haven’t seen ‘The Machine Girl’, but Japanese schoolgirls seeking revenge aren’t my favorite genre.
Lucky, Anne! When I was in college, the Commons ran a test kitchen. Random students waiting in line would be asked if they wanted to taste test new meals. I never got picked, but listened with envy to reports of real linen, lobster, etc.
Which of God’s smiting themes is for me? I can’t see the full titles. I think it would be conceited to think they’re all for me.
I don’t believe any of them are for you specifically, Anne. Only God can answer that question though.
Being a Druid means never having to kiss up to God. Hey, God!
Na na na na boo boo! *Bronx cheer*
pagan bitch!
DIE HERETIC!!!!
feel the wrath of my e-violence!!
KABLOOEY!
Cracka,
I will faithfully watch my Darling God smite Anne because I love Him so. However, I like Anne and dislike you intensely so watching you take your penile envy issues out on her is really lame and no fun at all. You suck, Cracka!!
how many suns do i get on your sliding scale of hate?
I don’t know… that’s a toughie because you’re really not worth the trouble of hating with the intensity of sun strength. I guess I hate you with the white hot intensity of half a sun, maybe even a quarter of a sun. And a really small and puny sun at that.
you’ve dedicated a lot of typing energy to telling me how little of your energy i am worth.
i shall have to rededicate myself to the art of pissing off nun.
Way back to #354 - I wear a lab coat and bend over all the time. And Anne - WOW what a great lunch!
‘night internuts.
I’m edumacated, Cracka. I also type well over 80 wpm so it’s not really all that much effort at all.
And Lo, the Lord God despised Ben and denied his request.
“Ben, you are not worthy because you are a monkey-brained fuck wad,” God spaketh through his servant Smoggy.
And then the Almighty God dids’t devise plans to make Ben miserable with painful anal boils.
And lo, Ben woke up from a nightmare in which he was chocking upon a small meatstick. And Ben did find he really was choking upon a small meatstick.
And the small meatstick was Ben’s own, because the Lord God Almighty had caused it to fall off.
Dear God,
Please have mercy on me for once and let me have the 400th post quickening. I try to be a good servant to you and I really need the energy boost today.
Amen,
Ben
Come on, Ben. Do your century quickening thing. Maybe God will hook you up with 400.
I’ll bet God feels a bit of pity for all you poor, pathetic bastards who receive your only joy in life by hitting century post numbers on God’s Divine Blog.
Get who, Smog? You didn’t get me. I didn’t realize you had already started your century quickening. As anybody who pays attention will tell you, I don’t care about the post numbers. I don’t have to try to make up for a tiny penis.
Heh… actually Nun that has a typo (like chocking). I meant to say “I may not get HERE [to God's Blog] often. But when I do, isn’t it worth it [to see me hand you Ben's meatstick on a plate]?
As for ‘getting you’–I did that ages ago. But you necessarily choose not to remember–because every time you do you have another incapacitating multiple orgasm at the very memory of the wonder of the experience.
If you’d manifest as one of the hotties I like, I might remember it better. The donkey punches might have something to do with my lack of memory as well. You’re brutal, Smog.
I’ve come up with a new TV game show, it combines The Dating Game with Jerry Springer.
Date: If I were a car, I’d be a Mustang - fast, and topless on demand. Contestant # 2, what would you be?
C2: A Lincoln Continental, you can pack a lot of dead hookers in the trunk!
Date: Contestant # 3, how do you kiss?
C3: I dunno, I’ll have to ask my sister.
Date: Contestant # 1, I’m the newest flavor of icecream in the frozen food section, what am I called and what do I taste like?
C1: Skank-Ass vanilla. And soon to be Rocky Road.
Date: Err… Contestant # 2?
C2: Ben & Jerry’s Failed Dreams, and you taste like despair.
Date: Flowers die and I’m allergic to chocolate. What will you bring me?
C1: A tub of KY and a football. It WILL fit!
C2: Ten pounds of chocolate covered roses.
C3: A vacation to my basement.
Date: What is your chatroom nickname?
C2: Jizzmopper
C3: Guygantic
C1: Uh, mary1970
C2: You’re mary1970? Why you little ass****
Date: Hypothetically, you find out I have a penis. What do you say, Contestant # ?
C3: Thank God!
Date: I spell relief M-A-S-S-A-G-E. How do you spell relief?
C1: S-C-A-T
C2: F-I-N-A-L-L-Y K-I-L-L-E-D T-H-E L-A-S-T W-I-T-N-E-S-S
C3: **** ** A-S-S
I’m a kind, gentle and considerate lover with sensitive but firm hands, a questing tongue, tremendous stamina and a sleek, well-lubricated meatstick of unusual largeness. And since I stole all those sheep I’ve got 10,000 witnesses to prove it (not to mention all those Scully’s in hell that wouldn’t leave me alone). You must have me confused with all those other types–priests etc.–that you indiscriminately spread your legs for.
Share the love wasn’t meant to be taken quite so literally.
That must have taken you a lot of work Yo.
Well, you know, with the economy shot I have to fall back on my old job producing daytime TV shows. (Don’t tell Mom, she thinks I’m a piano player in a whorehouse.)
Smoggy, you sir are an idiot. Everybody knows that priests only fuck little boys.
Are you able to say which shows Yo. Have I seen them?
Speaking of Dolly Parton (wasn’t around for that discussion)–I could never listen to Islands in the Stream without imagining Dolly floating down ‘ol man river on her back with just her ginormous funbags breaking the surface. Ah the memories: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiwcOaaRo1Y
So yes, Nun, I must be a fag. but then I’ve already admitted I’m a sheepfucker (and a nunfucker) so things can only get better.
(”Nunfucker”–sounds like a martial arts weapon designed to remove the genitals. “With one deft flick of his wrist the ninja sent his nunfuckers flying towards the hapless warrior–castrating him before he had time to turn and flee.”)
hehehe. not bad yo.
“Ben & Jerry’s Failed Dreams.”
sigh. i’m tired of eating that iced cream.
And now that some of the little boys are big boys they’re fucking with the priests. A balance of sorts–but not yet sufficient.
oh and i don’t care about the century quickenings anymore you sheep-fucker. that stuff is lame and for little kids.
Shut up Ben.
Ben…ben…benny!
As I understand it–century quickenings on God’s Blog are the prerogative of the Lord God Almighty. You’d better be careful who you call ‘lame’ and a ‘little kid’ or you might find yourself sentenced to serve time in the glory hole of a gay bar, with your anus fastened to the hole that says “12 inches and above”.
This time I side with Ben. He had a nice little prayer there, humble and all that shit, and this smug, trash-talkin New Zoolander cums along, bragging about his meatstick, and takes the prize.
Hey, Ben. As you know it’s rigged anyway, so let Smoggy Batfucker get every century post there is. He still has to swallow arsenic every day for his syphillis.
*Clears throat* Um, Ben, can this just be between you and me? Because I don’t want everyone else telling me to shut up because I took your side on something.
I agree with the tree-fucker.
The first shall be last, and the last shall be first.
God, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
Tree-fucking, that is. Talk about a hard-on that lasts!
HA!! Smoggy’s pride went before a fall. God works in beautiful ways.
Tree-fucker.
Tree-fucking.
Tree-fucked.
I don’t mind in the least. As I said–the century quickenings are entirely God’s prerogative. Good on you Benny! You deserve some compensation for all the nasty congenital defects God heaped on you. And if you’re lucky God may still grant you an anal fastening to the glory hole wall.
As for my pride Nun–I’m a Noo Zeelander who bonks sheep, I have no pride, just like I have no defence force, and no international prestige. Also, if I had pride I wouldn’t have saddlebacked you when you begged so hard for it.
Sorry, I lied. I am proud of one thing. I’m proud I am not a citizen of the nation that elected Dubya two terms running and produces such rare individuals as Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and so on and so on ad nauseum. It’ll take more than the charismatic black dude to buy you Americanuses absolution for that lot.
Smoggy, your president is a Conservative, surely he has some toadies who preach his dam-building gospel.
Who’s gonna mess with me today? I dare ya!
Not me, o splendid one! Octagons rule!
smoggy, i never noticed before, but you are an idiot.
I still need a song. ‘Daisy’, as sung by Hal 9000?
Aren’t Russell Crowe and Lucy Lawless from New Zealand? And Dubya was not elected for two terms. Both elections were stolen.
I hate cops who fucking lie!!
God,
There’s a song called ‘The Loadout’ by Robby Roadsteamer. Cracka and Josh already have themes and I’m at a loss as to whom else it might be a good theme for but at the very least, You should listen to that song, God. Maybe it will give You a Divine Smile.
It’s difficult trying to figure what would be good themes for Yo and Anne.
Isn’t it though?
You see why they have no themes yet. It is no personal disrespect to either of them, except in the case of Anne.
Mop Room Fairy,
I know you have seen so many horrible things like when Grounds Keeper Willy plays with his willy.
Smog,
Nun is right about the elections. My G-ma lives in Florida, and she’s a darkie. They did some real shady stuff down there with the police in black neighborhoods, very shitty stuff.
Thank You, God. I know You must consider our theme songs carefully!
All praise be to God for my wickedly cool theme song. It’s just the right balance of ‘thumpa thumpa’ and hypnotic repetition of “boy, boy, boy, boy” that makes gay bar music so easy to dance to.
THANK YOU, GOD!!!
Would you believe those lunch ladies?
Pasta con broccoli (I kid you not - they’re trying to be bi-lingual for Christ sake), cheesy garlic bread (be afraid), homemade chicken noodle soup, and vanilla pudding. I am SO going to Subway today.
Josh - #434 “They did some real shady stuff down there with the police in black neighborhoods”
This is amusing - you’re a natural born comic!
Maybe ‘Thank God I’m a Man’ from Shock Treatment for Yo, God. Maybe not though… maybe that’s a poor choice.
Speaking of Shock Treatment… man, that film sucked major piles of poop. They shouldn’t have bothered.
Just don’t forget The Loadout by Robby Roadsteamer. Funny shit, God.
Curtis, your lunch ladies are bi??
Got any Steam Punk themed music?
Hey God,
What about ‘Missed the Boat’ by Modest Mouse for Anne?
‘wild pack of family dogs’
is a modest mouse song with a line something like
“my mom is a witch
and her god is a woman…”
That might be more applicable to me or one of Anne’s daughters. We’ll have to wait to see if Anne will offer up if her mom was/is a Pagan.
I just bought this shirt. I love it.
http://www.threadless.com/product/1538/The_Food_Chain#zoom
Neat!
Here’s one for Anne:
http://www.typetees.com/product/1642/I_would_look_cooler_if_I_were_riding_a_unicorn
here’s a shirt that will be suing pepsi
http://www.palmercash.com/p-91-mens-fo-sho-t-shirt.aspx
I own this T Shirt, I even wore it on stage and no one said a thing:
http://www.palmercash.com/p-326-mens-white-people-are-crazy-t-shirt.aspx
I so want that unicorn shirt! Don’t need “white people are crazy.” It goes without saying.
Unicorns are queer.
Dubya stole those elections fair and square.
Paying 20 bucks for a T-shirt is weak.
I’d pay 20 bucks for an X-Files t-shirt.
http://www.slingshottshirts.com/X-Files-T-shirts.aspx?gclid=CLurtbr4tpgCFRKLxwodRWKHaw
I would so totally buy the big glowing X shirt and absolutely love it. I’d also buy the one with Mulder and Scully and the X.
buy them both. To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human
I like this one for Cracka:
http://www.palmercash.com/p-425-mens-bit-of-a-drinking-problem-t-shirt.aspx
I very rarely deny my impulses when it comes to The X-Files and I’ve got the collection to prove it. I’m a little short on cash though and the future looks bleak so I might have to bookmark that page and remember it in the future - if the future ever unbleakens.
i’m buying the ‘i want to believe’ shirt.
it’s awesome.
i’m not too into day-glo looking crap.
the future will only unbleaken if we fight the future, nun.
i already have a dead kennedys
‘too drunk to fuck’ t shirt, curtis
…and it’s vintage 80s, too.
my vinyl collection is only rivaled by my vintage concert tees collection.
i’m pretty much the coolest nerd i know.
and nun’s pretty much the sluttiest.
i could have typed that all in one post but i’m in a hurry to see ben not get the halfway to 1,000 quickening.
One of my favorite T shirts reads:
Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don’t make sense
refrigerator
haha!
how many vegetables had to die for your stupid salad?
I fought the future and the future won, Cracka.
HA at Curtis. I think that when I read some of Smog’s poems but I don’t want y’all to think I’m stupid so I never say anything.
I will NEVER think you are stupid, Nun.
loose morals, maybe, but never stupid!
Cracka # 462 - salad?!? not from my lunch ladies thank you very much.
Which reminds me of another shirt that reads “Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.”
i think smoggy references weird nautical shit and gaelic words to make us feel like stupid americans…that’s why we’re going to nuke him.
i’m giving this shirt a new home as well…and i’m wearing it to some church somewhere sometime.
http://www.stylinonline.com/tsslayerfuckin.html
Yup Nun–Russel Crowe was born in Noo Zillund, and Lucy Lawless is a Noo Zillunder, and Anna Paquin, and Edmund Hillary (first to climb Everest), Peter Jackson (filmed him doing it), Ernest Rutherford (split atom AND climbed Everest), Keith Park (won Battle of Britain for the poms and climbed Everest), Katherine Mansfield, (key modernist writer and mountain climber), Tim and Neil Finn (Crowded House etc, and a few mountains), Kiri te Kanawa (opera on Everest), and me, Smoggy Batzrubble (first man to climb Everest with a sheep and have a root on the summit).
As for the long words cracka–they’re not used to make you feel stupid, but if they do, then let that stand as a demonstration of the fact that owning enough nukes to wipe out the world does not make a nation clever and give them the automatic right to try and butt-fuck everyone else. How long did the ‘New American century’ last? About as long as one of God’s century quickenings.
But hey… I LOVE YOU GUYS (sniff) … so fuck off!
YES!! I want the movie poster shirt.
http://www.stylinonline.com/xfiles.html
I want this one too!!
http://www.stylinonline.com/tsrockyhorror20thshr.html
Nun,
You’re a rocky horror fan? Gawd, do you dress up and sing along with the movie like the wierdos I see on 23rd St when they do the midnight showings in Chelsea?
Smog,
The reason you think we produce a bunch of idiots is that our country is in the news more, and any Noo Zoolander who makes it is famous HERE. I mean you’re most famous movie is Whale Rider (not in the sense people call Cracka whale rider), and that stupid chick got preggers at 15 while playing the virgin mary in a movie. So when you stop living in a 6th rate back water country, then call the good old US of A! God bless America, and no one else.
I love, love, love Rocky Horror, Josh. I was involved in the local floor show back when I was a youngun’ but have not seen RH in the theater in many, many moons. That film spoke to me and the crowds at the theaters let me know that there were other weirdos like me. I love the original and will hate the remake.
Nun, did you play Dr. Frank-N-Furter?
No and I’m not real sure why that’s even supposed to be oh so funny. A really hot guy did that I still lust after in my dreams. I was a ‘techie’. I played no character, I made sure the characters had their props. It was a rather involved floor show that was taken very seriously by all of us. Rocky Horror fans are a freaky bunch.
Crap Josh–just type Cinema of New Zealand into wikipedia and scroll down and you’ll see how big film is in our country (proportionately much larger than in the USA). Heard of Andrew Adamson? Heard of Peter Jackson? Heard of Vincent Ward? etc. etc.
And here’s a newsflash for all you Americanuses, in most countries in the world your country isn’t ‘in the news more’. That’s a typical egocentric American attitude. Noo Zillund is part of the South Pacific and South East Asia. We have a lot to do with the EU. We were the first country to sign a free trade agreement with China. You’re there in the list, and you make news when it is newsworthy. Trouble is–almost all the news coming from the US in the last eight years has been completely fucked up! Your govt started unnecessary wars, destroyed defenseless peoples, kidnapped and tortured against all conventions, and subjected us to American Idol. The only good things to come out of America in the last decade have been Wipeout and Master Chef.
YA-BOO-SUCKS-TO-YOU
Nun - We went to RHPS every single weekend for two years when I was a jr/sr in high school. Good times indeed!
“Rocky Horror fans are a freaky bunch.”
Well, yeah!
And I still think you are a transexual transvestite.
No wonder your avatar is such a happy pink sparkle, Curtis.
shutup, smoggy
Smog,
FYI - American Idol actually came out of England, it’s another import/remake that sucks.
Try all you want smog, you’re country’s main exports are wool and meat. That’s so 1700s man.
True the USA has been in a shit storm thanks to a fucking moron, but dems days is ova.
how many black presidents has new zealand had again? and you bastards sent us those fucking unfunny Flight of the Conchord assholes. thanks a lot doosh
Nun,
You’re in luck, if you hurry to NYC you can actually see RHPS tonight on the big screen! You can sleep in the spare bedroom, but you might be woken up at 3 in the morning by the cries of a boy who wants to suck some titties, and my infant son might also be awake.
http://www.moviefone.com/movie/rocky-horror-picture-show/2710/main
HA! hahahaha. that’s gold! that should totally go in your act.
Then I’d say you’ve got some problems when it comes to “thinking”, Yo.
Curtis - YES!! Good times, indeed! I like the Superheroes scene that was cut. You ever seen the Superheroes scene?
Josh,
I’d let you suck on my titties but I’m afraid your wife would chop my head off… I know how her people roll. I sure wouldn’t mind holding that cute little baby that you made though.
Me-ow!
480 & 482 -
Josh on a roll!
Curtis: Lasagna and steamed vegetables (crisp tender). Free pumpkin raisin bread, courtesy of Culinary Arts I.
Smoggy: you aren’t fooling anyone. We know you’d rather live in North Buttfuck, Montana than New Zealand, but you can’t get a green card.
Nun: Finally, something I’ve seen! I love RHPS.
I will now step down and do something constructive until after the Big Quickening.
You know, Yo, sometimes I think you take things that are said here far too seriously. It seems that Ben has a thicker skin than you do but I hope I’m wrong.
Is there a quickening coming up? Hadn’t noticed.
FACE?
I have some bad news for everybody regarding quickenings. I finally got one yesterday, and sorry to say, I felt no surge or burst of power. As a matter of fact, I actually felt weaker. From now on I’m going to avoid them like the plague.
Whatever number I get is the one I want.
Dammit, Ben! For once God actually agreed with me about something, and you don’t appreciate it?
STFU!!!!!
HUH? I was the one that made a mild witiscism, you were the one that got all defensive.
Smoggy -
You forgot New Zealander and US Open Champion Michael Campbell, who beat Tiger Woods.
Nun,
My wife’s culture allows 4 wives, so I’m all good to go.
Seriously, though, RHPS is not my thing as I missed that time period, but you should check it out in NYC, people go all out.
Ben,
The quickening hurt you because God wanted it to, He sucked your power out and gave it to another one of His followers. My guess is Nun woke up this morning feeling like she smoke a pound of herb, or the Mop Room Fairy awoke to a full bucket with name brand cleanser in it.
Actually, I think our biggest export is people–about a quarter of NZers live overseas. What would that equMainly in Australia–althougha number of my close family are in the USA. One just got a management job in a big corporation. They brought him in, and his first job was to lay off 100 employees–’get the foreigner with the funny accent to fire them. Won’t matter if they go postal at him.’
I didn’t forget Campbell–but he hasn’t done much since then.
The goal now is to avoid quickenings. The winner loses.
Stupid game
I guess I lost?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
BTW ignore post 498, it was written by my dyslexic retard personality.
Josh, maybe God will change the comments around again.
Where did I get defensive, Yo?
Try to remember yesterday where you got a little up in arms about being called a fag. Like I said, I hope I’m wrong and this is all an act on your part.
True, Campbell has flailed.
But he beat Tiger.
Won a major.
Also, don’t forget the world class surfing in NZ.
I’m envious - in high school, we only put on lame one act plays, fun, but not much effort involved. (I always built sets and ran the lights.)
The year after I left, we got a new drama teacher, they put on “The Music Man”, with a full marching band.
If you were envious because you weren’t part of ‘The Music Man’ production then you, Dear Yo, are indeed a fag. That’s just the way the gay cookie crumbles.
And I should specify that I’m not trying to FACE Yo. I just don’t want him to be offended when I call him out for being gay like Ben.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
the new quickenings will happen at post #509.
‘Tis true Hume. There are some good surf breaks around and about the place. Surf the East Coast of the South Island and you’ve got a chance of sharing a wave with a white pointer shark.
Nun, your assiduous fag-spotting has all the hallmarks of a closeted gay. Are you sure you aren’t a tranny? Is that why you’ll only ever let yourself be analized?
nun, the fact that you like rocky horror was already painfully obvious to everyone who isn’t an idiot.
but, i’ll give you this:
of all my ex-girlfriends, the ones who liked that movie were also the best lays. so, i don’t know what that says about you. probably only that you’re a whore.
Well, I didn’t want “The Music Man”.
I really wanted “Summer Stock” or “Annie Get Your Gun”.
Was going to make the costumes and everything.
Choreography, makeup, etc.
What?
Cracka, 509? Are you a mop room fairy?
Hume: Please do not encourage Smoggy to talk about New Zealand. He makes it sound like a place where someone might like to live. Instead of the place where villages send their leftover idiots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDN4jI5vDnY
Heh… Anne got sent here and our Villageretard Dept of Settled Living and Urbanised Tentcities (VD SLUT for short) kicked her right back out again.
HAHA!! Yo’s fagalicious.
Smoggy,
Acquaint yourself with fag-hags and lay off the sheep.
Cracka,
I. AM. NOT. A. WHORE!!
Damn you, Cracka! DAMN YOU!!!
HA! Got you Nun!
‘I am Not a Whore’ is an anagram for ‘Twin Area Homo’!
Bloody trannies trying to fool us with their fake tits! Never again!
And ‘Damn You Cracka’ is even more evidence. It’s an anagram for “Undo ma crack, ay?” Which translated, means ’stick it up my back passage, why don’t ya?’
smoggy’s brain is a word jumbler
smoggy batzrubble is an anagram for
blazy mugs get bob
which means
“who gives a flying fuck?”
Smoggy is code for ‘I’m an idiot but I’ll say really obscure things in the desperate hope that somebody, anybody will think I’m smart’.
Poor dumb Smog.
You can just see Smoggy juggling letters to make up new words, busy busy busy, so the right hand won’t know what the left hand’s doing…
It’s a perfect day here. 31 degrees at 11 am (what’s that in F–almost 90?) Think I’ll go to the beach
Byee
When I set up my Facebook, I used my sister’s birthday as my birth date. Today I’ve gotten about two dozen “happy birthday” wishes, even though my birthday is in March. I would feel bad, except my sister is rich and spends her days (and money) at church. So whatever I can steal from the hag is fair game.
HA! I lied about my b-day on Facebook too. I felt bad when people wished me a happy birthday.
damn you, smoggy!!!!!!!!
DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you guys a need a new village idiot let me know.
freezing my ballz off up here in the real world…
ironic management decisions:
we aren’t going to hire enough people to work here.
we aren’t going to pay overtime, so make sure you
don’t work past 80 or you’ll get written up.
okay, we need you to stay late because nobody else works here.
am i going to get written up for it?
we can’t answer that, you’ll have to call HR.
so…you want me to punch out and stay here off the clock?
would you do that!!!
no. but, you can pay me overtime and i’ll take a raise for doing the job of 2 1/2 people.
crap. maybe we should hire someone else.
fuck. maybe you jackholes should do some math before you shit out these glorious decisions all the time.
stupid ass mutha fuckas.
Um, yeah.
Today’s not a half day.
we’re gonna need you to go ahead and come in on sunday, too.
actually, they did tell me to go ahead and come in on sunday…
fuckers.
you’ll pay for this gloating, spanky hornswaggle.
ka-fuckin-blooey.
check mate, mate.
anyway, fuck the pope. what a chode.
Pope John Paul II
tried to fuck Tandy.
I decked him.
Cracka, if it was a typical Sunday for me, I’d be here to help you clean Smoggy’s clock (or windows, or change his oil). But this Sunday is a Pagan holiday, so all I can do is shiver in the woods and think about you doing the job of 2 1/2 people.
God should smite anyone who leaves lame Haiku on this site.
Cracka, I’m scheduled to work this weekend too, and I’m the boss!!
Stupid job.
BTW - seriously y’all. Lay off the faggotty gay jokes for a couple of days. My partner is being deported because neither one of us has a ‘fun pouch’. I’m pretty fucking bitter right now.
12 years means nothing to the good ole US of A when it comes to us fagots.
#535 - way to bring it back to the topic cracka.
that’s awful. sorry to hear that curtis. how was he here in the first place? work visa? you can’t get married in MA? or hire a good lawyer?
that’s fucking bullshit, curtis.
fuck you and everyone like you, bridgette, you assbackwards neanderthal cunt and all you fucking fat bigots with your medieval superstitions fucking with all of our lives.
that’s right. i’m going to take it out on you, dipshit, because i know you don’t believe that curtis deserves equal rights because you’re a stupid, arrogant snatch and the only sex you’re going to have is missionary style in the dark with your equally fat, stupid, arrogant husband and only for the purpose of procreation or when he’s raping you. idiot.
it’s 6 hours later and i still mean it, bridgette. you support curtis’ partner being deported and don’t realize that he’s 1,000 times more enlightened than you and, despite all the fondue he eats, weighs 1,000 lbs. less than you. you and your whole cult of savage dimwits should be deported to wherever AIDS lives so you can heal the heathens with your magic book and regrow some aputated limbs with your group chants. dumb bitch. fuck you. your belief system is based entirely on the desperate assumption that something must be tending the light at the end of the tunnel because you aren’t deep enough to imagine that it isn’t. fuck you with a strap on.
What Cracka said. Plus, Bridgette, you have a Pagan name, and you couldn’t on your best day live up to the goddess it actually belongs to.
God bless America? No. God damn America!
Oh no!!! No, no no!!! Curtis, this just fucking sucks. Period.
If I weren’t married I would marry your partner, just to keep him here. No charge. I feel for both of you. Maybe God has some suggestions? Perhaps Nun could help?
I agree with both cracka & anne. Bridgette & all like her are nothing but a bunch of fucking assholes…
Does God care who wins
The Stupor Bowl?
http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/28897707/
God already knows who wins the superbowl, He blessed them with a victory.
If God cares a fig about the Super Bowl, given what’s happening to Curtis, then God needs to go back to God school.
24 hours have passed and i still hate you and your shallow religion just as much, bridgette. you people disgust me. can’t your stupid cult have a mass suicide so the rest of us can live in peace? assholes.
it’s up to 30 hours now and my rage hasn’t subsided much against the bridgettes of the world. it sucks that we have to breathe the same air as you sacks of shit.
I’m very sorry to hear your bad news Curtis. I hope something can be done. Gay relationships count the same as hetero ones here–a lesbian friend of mine from England was able to stay because of her partner. No use to you though.
What a sad world.
Speaking of the Superbowl, Santonio Holmes needs a smiting for ruining it at the last minute.
Master Shake, fuck you! I really mean that!
It was great game & yes, my team won. Thank You ,God! Good game! I love You, God!
But, Curtis has a real issue & I am sooo worried for him. My thoughts again , go out to Curtis & his partner.
I don’t ask for much, but, God, can You please help Curtis?
Why, God? WHY?? Why do You continue to reward the Steelers when they are evil demons doing the evil bidding Satan.
I hate the Steelers with the white hot intensity of a gazillion suns!
Come on God, lift Your fucking game.
Douche bag, hurry the fuck up and kill your stupid self so that Satanus will drink straight out of your arse through a straw.
i found this blog today, lot of funny stuf…
really great idea…
just tell something God, thank you very much for the marijhuana, but tell me, wtf you were thinking when you created such magnific plant ?
Brilliant tune! I like it!