Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
It’s miraculous! Obama, a black guy, will be president of the United States. Of America! The most important country in the world and the only one in which I have citizenship. It is truly amazing, and it’s all thanks to Me.
I’m feeling gloriously great, happy, spiffy, fine and dandy today. Bush the dumber is now gone from power and will no longer be able to make Me look bad by telling everyone he gets his orders from Me. All is right with the world.
Furthermore, a last minute legal ruling has made it legally okay for Me, Almighty God, to come to the inauguration!
God Still Welcome At Inauguration
I was gonna crash anyway, but it’s much cooler when you’re invited, ya know? And on top of all that, Obama has promised to say ’so help me God’ at the end of his pledge. Which is great. Everyone in the world will be watching this thing and I’m gonna get a sweet plug.
After Obama raises his right hand (which is essential) he will say this:
“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
After which, as morality dictates, Obama will say ’so help me God.’
One thing though, why does he have to say ’so help me God?’ Seems to Me he should say ‘as long as our Almighty and Loving God, ruler of Heaven and of Earth, sees fit to help me, who am only a worthless human.’ That would be more fitting and I’d be far more likely to help. Even so, if he does actually give Me a plug, I’ll help him out every chance I get. Even if he doesn’t, I still will. I’ll do anythng he wants. I’m more smitten with Obama than I ever was with Davd, and as you all remember, I was crazy in love with David.
In other news:
Shoes Thrown At White House On Bush’s Last Day
Isn’t that just awesome? Bush is still a failure in My Sight and you should all find special ways to celebrate his departure today. I suggest getting drunk and throwing your shoes at anyone who looks like a Republican.
In any case, let Me know what you have planned. Also, how should I smite Bush in his remaining years? There are so many delicious things I could do.
Gene on 
ronpaulcandidate on 
jetaDeelp on 
Nun Ur Damned Bizness on 
The Ender on 
Such unheralded ass-kissing, God.
Jeez.
Worst post ever.
Also, the rest of you who disagree:
Go fuck yourselves.
Respectfully.
The presidential oath is often misinterpreted, when people forget the dramatic pause near the end. What they are meant to say is:
So … Help me God!
Tthey also forget the P & T…
S0 … PLease help me God, and Thank You!
They also forget the First Amendment to the U.S. Consitution.
But we Pagans are used to hearing you get all the credit for everything … good and bad … let’s not forget that hurricanes are “Acts of God.”
I’m gonna watch the sun rise this morning. Oh, fly fast, morning hours!
I dragged a TV into the conference room and hooked it up - it’s on now, tuned to Inaugural coverage. We’re having a party during the Inauguration, pizza is on order!
The conservatives are going to sit in the boiler room, rending their clothes and dumping ashes on their heads.
Anne, what part of the First Amendment are you referring to? Free speech? Prohibiting the free exercise thereof [religion]? Petitioning?
God, You could smite Bush’s library. It only has two books, and he’s still coloring the second one.
Bush is an idiot. I hope he takes a terrible tumble down some stairs and ends up a paraplegerino.
obama is a communist and an abortionist and a false idol and you will all regret your worship of him. Bush is a good and decent man and did a good job of protecting us.
Bridgette is a fucking racist who judges people not by their character but by the color of their skin. No surprise, given her ignorance.
And I generally refrain from saying things this cruel but you really are an unpleasant looking creature, Bridgette. I feel sorry for the people in your life who have to look at you every day.
oh SNAP!
Good post God, it’s definitely a watershed moment for America and I will be celebrating by eating lunch and watching it on TV. As for celebrating Bush leaving, I don’t know. I’ll just look at republicans and laugh quietly.
I almost forgot…
FACE!!
Nun faced Bridgette hard. Literally, face.
Nah. Bridgette was FACEd by God when He gave her the physical appearance she was cursed with. I just commented on it.
Yo Yo Ma Ma, i see that you will be playing at the inauguration with John Williams. Niiicce.
I am not racist and it does not surprise me you would immediately resort to personal attacks. thats always what little minds like yours do.
Bridgette,
Didn’t you launch a personal attack on Obama? Really you think he’s a communist? What a a fucking brain washed idiot. Because he believes in socialized medicine? Hell lets get rid of all socialized programs, that way when I stab you and burn your body there will be no police or fire department to help you (not that I would do that anyway).
False idol? Perhaps you should direct that comment towards the cross you wear. That’s a false idol. To quote the Man himself: “You shall not carve idols for yourselves in the shape of anything [I think a cross falls under the term "anything"] in the sky above or on the earth below or in the waters beneath the earth; you shall not bow down before them or worship them. For I, the Lord, your God, am a jealous God, inflicting punishment for their father’s wickedness on the children of those who hate me, down to the third and fourth generation” - Exodus 20:4-5
if i need a wheel that zooms in on the hub cap, you’re the first person i’m calling.
You are a racist, Bridgette. Any attempts to deny that will be met with skepticism. And that wasn’t a personal attack, it was a general comment about the ugliness of your face.
what the f are you talking about jew? you’re batshit insane.
That’s funny, Josh because yesterday Curtis quoted a verse that said that male’s iniquity(wickedness) will be let go. So it seems that God is a little inconsistent in regards to how He handles His precious man when His precious man exhibits wickedness.
Just because I don’t like obama does not make me a racist and you suggesting that makes you more racist than anyone.
Bridgette,
Nun has demonstrated through her countless efforts with the black male community that she is not racist.
You however may not be racist, but your unfounded comments about Obama do as weight to the argument that you are. Can you name for me some other people who are not communists based on the evidence but yet you still claim they are?
Nun,
From a dude who used to be a “Bible Scholar”, what I do know (as much as you can “know” about these things) is this: God can and will forgive any sin, except one: “Grieving the Holy Spirit”. This sin includes blasphemy, idolitry (false gods and idols), and or one who apostatizes. If you do these things, it’s a wrap for you.
She’s just one of the morons that believes Obama is Muslim because his middle name is Hussein. Ignorance is bliss for the ignorant but frustrating for the rest of us.
What’s funny is her trying to say I’m a racist. I’ll let my son know that I hate him.
Josh,
There’s going to be a whole lot of so called Christians who are really bummed out come judgement day because they never really paid attention to God’s true teachings and were more interested in judging people and telling others how to live their lives. Some people truly understand Christianity but most are too hypocritical.
Wait, Bridgette believes Barack is communist because of his middle name being Hussein!!
Shit, my middle name is Barack (seriously, go figure).
So if Obama is communist because his middle name is Hussein (who was a dictator not a commy), that means by the transitive property of equalty of the middle name political views theory, I’ a fucking Red!!!!!! God help me.
Help me, and fuck Bridgette. Amen.
Nun,
People are all religious lawyers, they try to find loop holes in the religion they follow in a blind attempt to feel good about themselves. I used to hang with this Muslim who would not drink because it’s a sin, but he smoked weed every day. His thing was weed was natural and Allah made it.
When Judgement day comes there will be many with egg on their faces, others will have demon jizz. Either way it will be a party.
Weed is natural and was a blessed gift from God/Allah. Stupid chinky-chong.
Just don’t piss off God or you’ll be stuck with Satan’s evil weed which causes people to be Sikh and Mormon.
LOL!!!!! (That Sikh line cracks me up)
self admitted FACE
I’m still trying to figure out what I answered on that quiz that made me 100% Sikh.
the only things I know about Sikh is they can not cut their hair and they must carry a knife on them at all times.
if i ever need corpoS bulletpoints to fade in along with the VO, you’re top of my list.
Ahh, sad, sad, Bridgette. Always good for a laugh.
I’m actually feeling rather elated and hopeful today - thanks God, you rock! AND we’re having hamburgers ON A BUN!, french fries, cheesy chicken and rice soup (basically fondue), and all American apple pie! Could life get any better? I think not.
Off to look up some pertinent Bible verses –
Dear God,
I see that You have put that weasel Cheney in a wheelchair. If you can possibly find the time, could You please go ahead and push him over the edge and into the pit?
Thanks for everything!
Tony
Josh,
Jew sure you men to do dat?
Here you go, Bridgette:
Matthew 7:1-3 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)
Matthew 7
1Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Biblical FACE!
Nun, here’s a new one for you to make up for yesterday:
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
This HAD to be one of your ancestors!
My ancestors were not whores!!
Ben, thanks for noticing, I really enjoyed playing the Inauguration.
I apologize for Obama’s slipup on the Oath of Office, We were making faces at him offside, trying to crack him up. (Itzhak, Anthony, Gabriella and I were doing a Three Stooges routine.)
Nun, someone (yesterday) made a comment about you being on your knees five times a day and wearing a habib.
You replied it was a habit.
I’m confused - were you referring to being on your knees five times a day?
that speech was ok, i guess. didn’t live up to the moment. he should have re-enacted that scene from roots where kunta kinte got whipped.
I wasn’t paying attention to the speech. That Aretha - what a piece of ass!
Alright, Nun. This one will surely piss you off then:
When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl’s owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment.
(Exodus 21:7-11)
When I heard the radio announcer say the words, “And now it is official. George W. Bush is no longer the President of the United States”, I jizzed in my pants.
What a terrific day this is.
AMEN!
to both 46 and 47
Why would that piss me off, Curtis? Being a sex slave is FUN!!
oh tony snow, you’re biggest fan.
All bible nuts forget the judge not lest ye be judged. They forget everything that stands in their way of telling other people how to live their lives.
Yo yo,
I was a little disappointed in Queen Ri-Ri the body’s outfit. I was hoping she would show off those huge chesticles.
Ben,
Your comment makes no sense at all, why would he do a slave re-inactment on the day he becomes the master? I thought his speach we appropriate, he can’t get too nuts on his first day on the job.
PS - Yo Yo’s going back, reviewing the old post and then saying that Nun getting on her knees is a habit…….
Archival SMITE!!!!
So how do you all think God should smite the shrub now that he’s out of office? I think he and Cheney should have to listen to Bridgette proselytizing for all eternity.
Josh, #52. Is that a SMITE or is it technically a FACE? Please advise.
I waited and waited until the day when a black man can become the President of the United States. And when it’s so I got Obama who is not Dr. King’s children!
Why, God? Why?
Curtis,
# 53, Correction FACE!
Capitol Quiz
The U.S. Capitol was …
A Real estate scam
B Construction boondoggle
C Built by slaves
D All of the above
Tony,
I pick “D”. Didn’t they have to fill in swamp land or something? Fitting that the seat of our National Government should have once been a stinking sinkhole.
Josh, How’s that little Asian baby of yours? Now that you’ve had the one, that’s you all’s quota, right?
i took this day off after the election so i could get drunk and throw shoes at people. the only other person here is my wife. i guess i’m going to have some ’splainin’ to do when my shoe hits her in the face. although she doesn’t look republican…hmm, are there any sex republican outfits…never mind. bridgette! you are fucking hilarious! seriously, which one of you assholes is bridgette? yoyo? smoggy? i’m drunk.
shut up, ben.
little side story:
during the ‘00 campaign bush gave a speech in duluth, my hometown. his motorcade drove up lake street, where i was standing at the time. when his ‘w’ bus drove by i gave him the finger. got some glares from the secret service monkeys, but it was worth it. today, i symbolically give him a departure bird. for you, ‘w’…make it a double. jamesons all around, faggots!
shut up, ben.
in the spirit of service Obama spoke of, I’m calling for an intervention for our friend Cracka. Let’s all agree to surprise him at his house tonight for a frank discussion of how his drinking is hurting us and him.
Curtis,
My son is good, if I have another kid they must also be a boy or else by Chinese law I have to throw them down a well.
I agree with Cracka, one of you fuck wads is Bridgette. No one is that stupid to post that crap or that much of an idiot to keep posting it here.
Bridgette reminds me of some of my family members. The freaky bunch that speak in tongues. Sadly, I think she’s real enough.
what ever happened to smoggy? he went away as mysteriously as he came.
Nun,
They speak in toungues!!!!! WTF, that is such a shame, because God is bilingual.
seriously, that’s re-dick-you-lus.
Assembly of Godders and Baptists… I’m surrounded by nutcases.
All hail Dark Obama!! May he avoid the fanatical whities who want to kill him.
ha! you should show up with a spanish boyfriend who does not know any english. When the family questions you just say he’s speaking in toungues.
so it’s nice to know God loves Obama. no wonder we all love him so much too. well except for Hume Douchyn.
HA! I’ll keep that in mind, Josh. Usually I just show up with my bi-racial child and say “fuck” occasionally. I like your idea.
I always thought the phrase “speaking tongues” sounded kinda dirty. Everything sounds dirty if you follow the phrase with the word, “ladies”.
I’ve been speaking in tongues, ladies.
Ooooh, I got comment #69, ladies.
On that note, ‘night y’all.
Regarding Washington, President Kennedy sardonically noted, “Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.”
Curtis, I am always afraid to let my wife fly on Aer Lingus…
All of us take alter egos on here sometimes, but I think Bridgette’s the real deal. None of us could say such stupid things without letting a little irony drip in.
You should have heard the cheering at the Vo-Tech when Obama was sworn in.
Shut up Ben.
I have my opinion
you have yours.
I hope Barack-O
is the man for the job.
But I know you’re
just an inflamed dickhole
with a computer.
Let’s all remember what is important here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfpBeM9ujJY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj-TlRi_uj4
Is this thing working?
Heh - previous posts vanished.
Hey God,
Did You have a good time yesterday? Any pictures of you with our new President Darkie?
When did bridgette get a picture? She really is a fatty isn’t she.
Anne:
I kid you not -
Cheesy chicken and rice casserole, capri blend vegetables (boiled beyond recognition), cheesy Swiss potato soup, and peach custard pie. I swear! Two helpings of basically fondue!
Our cafeteria ladies are trying to kill us very slowly. I think this might be some kind of backhanded subtle smite from the big G.
Bridgette is the only one who is sane around here.
Word.
JIHADurGOD, Bridgette’s had a picture for awhile.
What sports mean to me. http://www.wetherobots.com/2007/11/09/a-hole/
update on Hilter baby:
http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Adolf-Hitlers-Grandma-Drunk-While-Headed-to-Court.html
watch the videos at the bottom, the grandma says that Barack Obama is going to say his middle name at the inauguration and his middle name is that of a terrorist, so why can’t her grand kids be named Hilter and Killanigger?
Hitler babies…sounds like a new cartoon on comedy central.
Bei Shen…are you serious? you can’t be serious. Bridgette is mad crazy.
On another note, I want to name my next kid ‘Killanigger’.
nun,
If you name your next kid killanigger will you pit him/her against your other son like in Top Dog Under Dog?
Saddam was a terrorist by definition, although he used his terror tacticts against those he ruled as opposed to on US. The US however was a terrorist in that interaction and aided terrorism with Bin Laden when they supplied him with weapons, money, food and training to oust the Russians from Afganny.
No, Josh. I would make them both think that the name is completely normal and anybody who has a problem with it is racist. Confusing kids is easy.
reminds me of that Bill Cosby joke about how he thought his name was ‘goddamnit’ and his brother’s name was ‘come’ere’
or it was something like that…
I thought your name was Shut Up Ben.
Factual FACE!!!!!
it is? oh, well that makes a lot more sense then. i won’t be so hurt and confused from now on!
Curtis, Keith Olbermann doesn’t have a WORST FOOD IN THE WORLD segment because your cafeteria would win every day!
Today we had soft tortilla tacos, served with Spanish rice and corn. (A little too much starch). We always have a fresh salad bar. They make sandwiches to order. Every day a fresh pot of soup (today, Maryland crab). Usually a dessert (not today). This is a Vo-Tech! If a bunch of teenagers can steam vegetables without turning them into puree, what’s wrong with those grown women in your cafeteria?
My daughter was born on April 15. It crossed my mind to name her Iris. Instead I named her Lil’ Shit. She lives up to the name every day.
Do y’all think Smoggy got busted for hanging with us? Cuz I miss his stink.
stop it anne.
Who’s getting the century quickening today? Or is that old, like when a commentator calls ‘FIRST’ when they get first post?
As long as it’s not Anne, with her padding of posts!!!
Damn PAGAN (People Against Goodness and Normalcy
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And once again Our Man of New York, the One, the Only, Josh gets the quickening!
For all of you played and didn’t win, we have some fabulous parting gifts!
I’m super jealous of your theme song Cracka. i’m way much religulous than you.
Wow. I didn’t even notice we were in the 90s! Dizzy Anne. Well, Josh, it’s good for you to stomp on me sometimes and get your quickening. And if I get one and you don’t like it, appeal to God. He has, in the past, deprived me of quickenings at His whim.
Where’s my parting gift? Is it chiba?
Nun - I had a good time at the all the parties and smoked crack with some senators. I’m pretty pissed today though - I found out some shit that will make your stomach turn. More to come.
Wow. You were partying with politicians and now You’re pissed. I’m shocked, God.
Any truth to the rumors that You performed a Divine Striptease?
None.
all u retards gay