Stuff God Hates

Jan 7th, 2009 by God

There. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW NUN?! Now you and Curtis finally have something good to masturbate to Me by.

Tags: Glory, God, Speedo

Posted in Sex

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218 Responses to “By popular request…”

on 07 Jan 2009 at 6:56 am1Gregoryno6

Huh.
Blue bathers are for sissies.
http://www.redbubble.com/people/gregoryno6/art/2330428-2-and-a-voice-spoke-unto-me
on 07 Jan 2009 at 7:09 am2halftone

blue budgie smugglers??????????
on 07 Jan 2009 at 1:24 pm3anne johnson

Hugging trees just gets better and better and better and better …..
on 07 Jan 2009 at 1:28 pm4Yo Yo Ma Ma

Talk about muscle-bound! How can that man get his hand behind himself to wipe?
on 07 Jan 2009 at 2:24 pm5blue_ricardo@yahoo.com

is god trying to compensate for something else?????
on 07 Jan 2009 at 2:24 pm6Ben

Man? That’s God you’re talking about Yo!

God, a man would look disgusting if he looked like that but on you those muscles look just right.

One question though, do you use steroids or horse steroids or is that all natural?
on 07 Jan 2009 at 2:41 pm7Yo Yo Ma Ma

“…trying to compensate for something else?”

Some comedian had a bit about that: Why exercise to make your muscles look big, which makes your prick looks smaller by comparison?

BTW, this is God we’re talking about: The Big Bang was one of His orgasms!
on 07 Jan 2009 at 2:51 pm8Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It would have been funnier if it looked a little more realistic, God. Just my so-stupid-vaginal-mortal opinion.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 2:57 pm9Ben

that looks plenty realistic and funny to me Nun. you know why? because that’s GOD! he says it is so it is you ragging cunt. just accept that He is a muscle bound monster.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:08 pm10Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That is obviously photoshopped. Wanna know how I know? God doesn’t have a pinhead!! God has a big, huge, Divine Studly Head. Fucking idiot mortal penises. Go spend some time with your poor wife who just birthed your evil spawn. Too bad your little girlie nuts can’t make boys.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:21 pm11Yo Yo Ma Ma

Agreement, Nun. Shoulda bumped up the head’s contrast, fuzzed the cut edges, and adjusted the head/body size a little.

Ben, you and your wife just had a baby? Congrats, I didn’t know.

Maybe Ben’s a fighter pilot. Seriously, studies show they produce more girl babies. Best hypothesis is the flight suit and g-pants squeezing their nuts, heats them up, the X-sperm survive better.

Anaesthetists, too.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:35 pm12Ben

I didn’t just have a baby, but thanks anyway! I’m not a fighter pilot either, but that would be awesome if I was. you can think of me as such. i’m currently bombing the shit out of the hamas on behalf of God.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:39 pm13uppity cracka

if i was into dudes, i’d be into that.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:44 pm14Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Fucking idiot Ben doesn’t even know when his wife gives birth.

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jennifer-garner-and-husband-ben-affleck-welcome-a-baby-girl/17249
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:53 pm15Yo Yo Ma Ma

It’s snowing, we’re supposed to get about 7-12 inches (sounds like Nun), so the schools are closing.

I never count it unless it’s over 10 inches. (Really sounds like Nun!)
on 07 Jan 2009 at 3:54 pm16Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God’s been smiting everybody with snow.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 4:10 pm17God

BITCH! I finally relent to your many requests to see Me in a speedo, and this is how you repay My Favor?! By saying that you don’t like My Body? BITCH!

I SMITE YOU WITH EVEN MORE GENITAL WARTS!
on 07 Jan 2009 at 4:30 pm18Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey!! Easy, God! When did I say that I didn’t like Your Divine Body?? NEVER! That’s when. I love Your Divine Body but that is not Your Divine Body. That’s Your Divine Studly Head on somebody else’s ugly body. Seriously, God. Take a look at that picture and ask Yourself “Do I really want My Divine Studly Head to look that small?”.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 5:31 pm19uppity cracka

the difference between us and God is that when we lose our tempers nobody gets smited.

i miss my tv. i don’t even want to go to work now. when i leave in the morning i walk past the wife and the dog and kiss my television. “see you after work, sammy” it has a dude’s name because it’s a samsung, not because i’m a josh-fag. 120Hz, 50,000:1 contrast ratio…i watch bad shows in HD just to watch the HD. i wonder how long this honeymoon phase will last? i am going to write a love song to my new tv.

actually, i am going to enlist smoggy to write it. he’s good at writing poems about stupid things.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 5:49 pm20Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Where is our retarded faggy chinky chong, anyway? I miss him.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say God is insecure about His Divine Body based on the defensive nature of His post to me. I realize He is testing us though as God can’t be insecure about anything.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 6:02 pm21Ben

yeah, where the hell is Josh?? is he still doing shows? is he ok? it’s not like him to just disappear and not even let us know what he’s up to.

but this is the internet (i guess).
on 07 Jan 2009 at 6:07 pm22Evangelist Curtis

Wow! God, you’re HOT! And what a huge cock too!
on 07 Jan 2009 at 6:46 pm23American Psycho

God, does this mean the end of the world is nigh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ikm3o5hDks

I think it does.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 7:17 pm24Yo Yo Ma Ma

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 7:45 pm25God

If anyone does not accept that this is in fact what I look like, then they suffer from a lack of faith and will burn in hell.

Psycho, when the end of the world is nigh, I’m not going to tell you and ruin the surprise.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 7:51 pm26God

And thank you Curtis. Finally a complement.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 7:57 pm27Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You have a Tiny Divine Head, God. Also, Your Divine Veins are Divinely Gross and Ugly. You’re also much shorter than I would have imagined.

I realize this sounds like I’m insulting You but I swear I’m not, I’m just painfully honest. Sorry, God but I have a vagina, therefore, I cannot be expected to possess a little trait called “tact”.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 8:23 pm28Bloodvork

I don’t know about God’s head, but I know without doubt that right now, it’s bigger than a normal head would be on that body.

When your muscles get that big, your non-muscular body parts look much smaller by comparison. His head would look tiny but it would be normal sized.

Since God made you humans in his image, his head should not be bigger.

As a bio-engineered species, bloodvarks have a prenatal degree in anatomy.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 8:36 pm29God

Thank you Bloodvork. You shall be blessed.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 8:53 pm30Jessica Tandy

God, I for one am impressed.
I bet you could rip a NYC phone book to shreds.
Also, your legs make Bettis look like Betty Page.
I bet your Holy Gymnasium is a gleaming palace
of wonderment.
Two questions: Free weights?
And what does our Holy Father do for cardio?
on 07 Jan 2009 at 8:54 pm31uppity cracka

bloodvork? THE bloodvork??? where have you been? we’ve been insulting ben for months without you…

that reminds me.

shut up, ben.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:05 pm32Tony Snow

Ben and Yo Yo,

Josh is the new father.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:07 pm33Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Bloodvork is implying that there are portions of God’s Divine Body that are not muscular. Bah!! Even God’s Divine Head is muscular. I stand by my original assessment that God has photoshopped His Divine Head on to some mortal’s body. I believe He is doing this as His real body is more Divinely Beautiful than the mortal eye can comprehend.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:11 pm34Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Congrats to Josh.

Anybody read that about Arby’s? Haha… it puts the Arby’s sauce in the basket or else it gets the hose again.

The real line is one of the best things ever uttered on film.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:16 pm35American Psycho

Congrats Josh!
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:19 pm36Ben

Congrats Josh.

Is it a boy a goil? A new faggot or a new dike?

Don’t go thinking just cause you procreated you ain’t still a faggot. Your kid is just another beard.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:45 pm37Tony Snow

God,

Here’s an affirmation from Josh:

I just had a child and it really makes me believe in God; not the power of birth stuff. I believe in God by default.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:47 pm38uppity cracka

gross.

feelings.

ick.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 10:11 pm39Ben

Tony, how is it you have so much information on Josh? I thought you were GOD’s press agent.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 10:17 pm40Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh has a blog, Ben. How is it that you have a brain but are incapable of using it?
on 07 Jan 2009 at 10:26 pm41uppity cracka

this is a buddy of mine’s beer snob blog:

http://fridaynightbeer.wordpress.com/

scroll down to the part with two guys named slater and steef. dudes who love a particular seasonal beer so much that they ride their bikes to a brewery at 5 am in the dead of winter to be first in line at the brewery. the high was like 2 degrees that day. wtf?
on 07 Jan 2009 at 10:37 pm42Ben

Nun - oh yeah he has a blog. his hands are covered in baby shit.

Cracka - they’re alcoholics.
on 07 Jan 2009 at 11:31 pm43Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ben’s right, those guys are fucking alkys.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 1:40 am44Hume Cronyn

Who the fuck wants a seasonal beer at 6 in the morning?
Unless you’ve been up all night, of course, snorting line after line of sweet Peruvian flake…and even then, chilled vodka shots are the right drink, consumed in the privacy of your nanny’s locked bedroom closet.
Also, God, you look kinda like that British actor who was
Russel Crowe’s slave master in Gladiator.
Tommy’s uncle, I think, in Tommy.
God, are you really Oliver Reed?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 2:00 pm45Yo Yo Ma Ma

Where’s Josh’s blog? I took a vow to not hunt him down on the Internet, but if someone has already done the legwork…
on 08 Jan 2009 at 2:27 pm46Yo Yo Ma Ma

Today was Elvis’ birthday, he would have been 74.

God, is Elvis in Heaven?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 2:34 pm47Yo Yo Ma Ma

Make some scrambled eggs with caviar and blinis, to go with the chilled vodka.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 2:53 pm48God

No, Elvis is still alive. He and Tupac Shakur both have mansions down in Brazil. So does Hitler. They’re all neighbors.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:08 pm49uppity cracka

God, doesn’t that make hitler the oldest person alive?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:10 pm50uppity cracka

they may be hopelessly addicted to alcohol, but at least it’s high quality booze. so, they’re going broke to feed the addiction, too, like true junkies.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:11 pm51uppity cracka

it’s 1 below zero right now. shorts weather!!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:14 pm52uppity cracka

josh is 100% right about the arby’s commercial. it’s downright weird.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:15 pm53Yo Yo Ma Ma

Heh, you sound like my neighbor, he wears shorts year-round!

Crazy.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:27 pm54Ben

sounds like the guy I work next to. wears army shorts year round with argyle socks and stares at his starfox screensaver.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:58 pm55Yo Yo Ma Ma

Where’s Josh’s blog?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 3:58 pm56Yo Yo Ma Ma

Hot winter coming.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:00 pm57Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ben, was that something from an Affleck movie, or an actual glimpse into your life?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:15 pm58uppity cracka

joshhomer.com, yo.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:16 pm59Ben

actual glimpse. Josh’s blog:
http://joshhomer.blogspot.com/

oh, like changing a diaper or two means he can’t shoot the shit with us anymore. man, fatherhood’s changed that guy.

what a father fag.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:22 pm60Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh is too busy cleaning shit to have time to shoot it.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:27 pm61Yo Yo Ma Ma

Besides, as anyone with kids will tell you, when you have a newborn, your first priority is sleep!!!

Toss the dirty diapers in the washing machine, start the dishwasher, and try to catch some ZZZs while you can! Drop anything that doesn’t feed the baby or you, clean up after feeding, or interferes with sleep!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:41 pm62Yo Yo Ma Ma

BTW, thanks for the links.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:41 pm63uppity cracka

being a father sounds terrible. i think i’ll stick with dogs.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 4:44 pm64Ben

he didn’t even tell us on his blog if he had a son or a daughter or what. God?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 5:08 pm65Yo Yo Ma Ma

Lunch: Vending machine microwaved popcorn and a diet Coke. I forgot to pack a lunch, and wasn’t interested in going out.

Makes Curtis’ lunchroom horrors seem palatable.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 5:24 pm66Evangelist Curtis

Speaking of:

baked ham with canned pineapple crap, candied yams, and peas boiled until mushy. No fondue soup today - sausage and cabbage soup. I kid you not.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 5:25 pm67Evangelist Curtis

I think I’ll have the popcorn too.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 5:38 pm68uppity cracka

sausage and cabbage soup?
jesus h.

i think i’ll go get some pad thai and wait for my asshole to bleed fire.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 5:43 pm69Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t know if it’s the salmonella or the chiba but did God’s Divine Head get bigger?

As for Josh, it sounds like he might have remembered how much he loves God and communicating with Him on a blog may no longer seem kosher.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 5:43 pm70Nun Ur Damned Bizness

WOOHOO!! I got the best number EVER!!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:00 pm71Yo Yo Ma Ma

And cracka got the number he likes best, too! (You do me and I’ll owe you one…)
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:01 pm72Yo Yo Ma Ma

sausage and cabbage soup? I don’t want to be around in a few hours when the gastric chemical reaction (sounds like a Punk band) erupts.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:01 pm73Evangelist Curtis

Cracka, exactly. Did you know that the “H” stands for Herschel? True. Jesus Herschel Christ. The BVM told me so.

Nun - I love your gravitar thingy. It’s so you!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:02 pm74Yo Yo Ma Ma

The popcorn was OK, until I bit on an unpopped kernel with a cracked tooth. (I’m on the dentist’s schedule for repair)
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:03 pm75Yo Yo Ma Ma

Salmonella? You sick, Nun?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:03 pm76Evangelist Curtis

Yo - I’m heading for the hills because they sold out. The hospital just may make the evening news with all this explosive gas building up.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:03 pm77Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thank God, Curtis. He made it for me.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:04 pm78Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo,

Yes, God smited me with what I believe is salmonella. I’m none too pleased about it either but God works in mysterious ways.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:08 pm79Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ugh, sorry to hear that, Nun.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:09 pm80Yo Yo Ma Ma

Curtis, if I see a glow to the sky in the South- South West, I’ll know what happened.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:10 pm81uppity cracka

this is why bridgette hasn’t posted here for a while. she moved to papua new guinea:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/01/08/png.witchcraft/index.html
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:37 pm82Bridgette

You wish.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:39 pm83Bridgette

Those people would be much better off if they believed in Jesus, and so you would you. I don’t see much difference between and what goes on here everyday.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:40 pm84Bridgette

Deuteronomy 6:16 “Do not test the Lord your God.”
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:50 pm85uppity cracka

okay, which one of you assholes is bridgette.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:52 pm86uppity cracka

you don’t see the difference between between murder and a blog that makes fun of people that don’t see the difference between murdering and blogging?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:52 pm87Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Duh, Cracka. Bridgette has nothing better to do with her life than to sit around watching God’s Holy Blog. She’s like most other Evangelical Christians in the sense that she’s more interested in how others live their lives than how she lives her own. Fucking hypocrits.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:53 pm88Jessica Tandy

To Bridgette: You look fat.
“Do not test the McRib.”
Or are you still eating holiday sweets, chubs?
God Bless.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:53 pm89uppity cracka

hmm…two betweens…
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:55 pm90uppity cracka

does she have an email alert for everytime someone posts “bridgette”? if so, i’m going to start signing off all of my posts

shut up, bridgette.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:57 pm91uppity cracka

http://www.skincarephysicians.com/rosaceanet/treatment.html
on 08 Jan 2009 at 6:57 pm92uppity cracka

haha! nun can’t spell hypocrite.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:02 pm93Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Let’s clear something up for Bridgette because she’s not smart enough to figure it out on her own.

We’ve all been exposed to Christianity, Bridgette. Most of us grew up immersed in it. We have made our own decisions, for whatever reasons, to walk away from it. We don’t need a young, stupid hypocrit who is incapable of discussing the philosophy of said religion to throw bible verses at us and think she’s educating us. You’re not educating us, you’re simply proving that you are not able to think for yourself.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:03 pm94Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Shut up, Cracka. I’m sick. There shouldn’t be an ‘e’ on the end of that word anyway.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:03 pm95uppity cracka

yeah, we pretty much know more about your own religion than you do.

shut up, bridgette.

haha! nun still can’t spell hypocrite!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:06 pm96Jessica Tandy

I hate fat hyprocrites, especially evangelicals.
Unless they have shitloads of make-up, in which
case God smites them with ass cancer like
whatshername.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:10 pm97uppity cracka

tammy fay something or other.

fat hypocrites with shiny red faces that are too dumb to figure out that they’re hypocrites are my favorite.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:11 pm98uppity cracka

do it.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:11 pm99Bridgette

Those people in new guineau who are 90% AIDS infected have heard nothing aobut Christiantiy!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:11 pm100uppity cracka

there can be only one!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:12 pm101Bridgette

If they had they would’nt be 90% AIDS infected.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:12 pm102Yo Yo Ma Ma

I think cracka’s on to something. Which one of you assholes is bridgette?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:12 pm103uppity cracka

okay, bridgette. that was freakin’ hilarious. seriously, which one of you goofballs is bridgette? you had us going this whole time. just admit it, already.

shut up, bridgette.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:13 pm104uppity cracka

that’s right, because christianity strictly forbids putting your dick into a young man’s butt…which is where AIDS lives, you know.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:14 pm105uppity cracka

i bet bridgette is really the unpleasant jew.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:19 pm106Ben

holy shit! bridgette, you’re fucking scary.

i don’t know what’s harder to believe:
that bridgette is real or that she isn’t.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:27 pm107Evangelist Curtis

I’m not even going to respond to Bridgette’s comments because really, they are so stupid and very sad that it makes my head hurt. Really, I try to be kind to all people, but that one — you’ve got to admit that she’s very sad to think about.

Nun, I think you made our collective point succinctly and beautifully. Thank you.

Even amongst all that bile, Cracka still gets the century quickening. I, sir, take my hat off to you. And anything else that you might like.

Shut up, Bridgette.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:39 pm108uppity cracka

why would you be offended by her plain observation that christianity is the cure for AIDS? you’re an enigma, curtis. please put your pants back on.

shut up, bridgette.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:40 pm109Ben

Cracka, just admit that you’re Bridgette already.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:40 pm110Jessica Tandy

Hey Bridgette,
didn’t God create AIDS?
Either directly, or indirectly, my chubby Christian friend.
Think about it while you’re plowing through
some malomars.
Didn’t God also create Jew-killing Muslims and Christ-killing Jews and peaceful, chiba worshipping Rastas?
A pretty mixed bag, I’d say, and indicative of His Humor.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:45 pm111Evangelist Curtis

I guess Christianity is a cure for all that ills the world. I completely forgot, Cracka, of course. I should have remembered what the crusades were all about. I am so dense sometimes.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:47 pm112uppity cracka

God is just pretend, jessica. and that is his funniest joke of all. i’m not bridgette. i’m sure it’s one of you. bloodvork!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:48 pm113uppity cracka

i wish i was bridgette right now because i could claim the best joke this blog has ever seen.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 7:56 pm114Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HA!! I think Bridgette equating AIDS to a lack of Jesus is her trying to show that she can think for herself. Sorry, Bridgie-Poo but your logic is so flawed and fucked that it shows you’re still a freakin’ idiot who is incapable of logical thought processes.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:14 pm115Bridgette

my logic is not flawed it makes sense just look at the AIDS infection rates and compare it to countries like that one and the countries in africa and you can see the difference for yourself. you just don’t want to accept the truth because it says something positive for Christianity.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:17 pm116Yo Yo Ma Ma

Hmmmm…bloodvork and Bridgette show up on the same day. Are they the same person?

One is a horrifying zombie mutant, created in a lab, the other is a bloodvork.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:21 pm117Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey Bridgette,

A large portion of the people in Africa practice Christianity, Bridgette. Even the AIDS ravaged areas. Did you even know that? I suspect not. Your logic is flawed and fucked but you’re too ignorant to realize that.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:27 pm118Bridgette

No, you’re wrong! The percentages are much better for Africans who are Christians and if you can’t accept that then you are willfully ignorant.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:31 pm119Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You should be a member of Phelps church, if you’re not already. You’d fit right in, blindly believing what you’re told without investigating the truth yourself.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:31 pm120Ben

Wow Bridgette, you’re a fucking moron. Nun is right, Christianity has done NOTHING to lower AIDS rates in Africa:
http://www.martinrothonline.com/MRCC11.htm
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:43 pm121Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Bridgette is desperately trying to prove that she’s capable of thinking. She’s proving the opposite without a shadow of a doubt. What an ignorant twit.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 8:54 pm122Ben

It’s ironic she used the phrase ‘willfully ignorant.’ She should have ‘hyprocrite’ branded on her forehead.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:03 pm123Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yes, hypocrite is a very appropriate label for Bridgette.

I even spelled it right this time, thanks to Benny.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:10 pm124uppity cracka

i think we should spell it wrong. just for the irony of being a crew that loves to grammarFACE but hypocritically spells hypocrite wrong. because we are hypocrits!!!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:14 pm125Yo Yo Ma Ma

The Hypocrits fought the Tunanistas in the Second Colonic Transit War, as Testiclees the Itchy recorded in his book The Idiot.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:20 pm126uppity cracka

it’s in an old book? then it must be true.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:21 pm127Nun Ur Damned Bizness

There shouldn’t be an ‘e’ on the end of it anyway. Fucking English and it’s stupid rules!

So, I took this picture… http://www.rodcollins.com/images/matthew-mcconaughey1.jpg
and photoshopped God’s Divine Studly Head on it. Then I masturbated. Do you think God will be pissed off that I replaced His Divine Body?

And between me and whoever’s reading this. God’s Divine Eyes are giving me the heebie-jeebies in the picture above. It’s like He’s looking at me which really creeped me out when I was masturbating.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:25 pm128Ben

wow, it’s so funny you should says that cracka. i spent 5 minutes debating whether to spell it hyprocrit or not. when i was done i knew i had chose wrong.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:31 pm129uppity cracka

how many Os per day can you acheive, nun?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:36 pm130Nun Ur Damned Bizness

As many as God lets me have, Cracka. It’s all God’s Whim.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:40 pm131uppity cracka

personal record?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:45 pm132Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That would be my cue to lie….

25, Cracka. 25. I’m a maniac!!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:55 pm133Ben

piddly orgasms, or the deep vaginal kind?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 9:57 pm134Yo Yo Ma Ma

Do you dream of Cracka’s ham cannon when you diddle?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:04 pm135Ben

The Diddler.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:07 pm136Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HELLO!! I think only of God when I touch my nether regions. Fucking perverts.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:25 pm137anne johnson

I am extremely touched and gratified that no one thought I was Bridgette. I did have rosacea for awhile, but I got medicine for it. A Christian missionary told me you get rosacea from masturbating, and you know what? Once I started using the medicine — and stopped masturbating — the rosacea went away.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:27 pm138anne johnson

Damn, Nun, you are a champ of erotic proportions! I can fantasize about trees all day and come no where near that number…
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:28 pm139uppity cracka

johnson. i think you’re yoyo style joke was meant to read

and, you know what? once is stopped masturbating (and taking the medicine) it went away.

it crossed my mind, johnson…but you don’t have that kind of poker face. smoggy, jew, zeus (who was hilarious but doesn’t come around anymore)…those are the types.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:28 pm140uppity cracka

*not you’re, i meant your yoyo style joke….
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:29 pm141anne johnson

Curtis: turkey sandwich with real leaf lettuce and tomato on wheat bread, pickle, banana. The entree today was prime rib, steamed vegetables (lightly, not to a pulp), and boiled red potatoes. You can’t serve cabbage soup to a bunch of school teachers.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:31 pm142anne johnson

We’ll start hearing from Josh again real soon — comments posted at 3:00 a.m., misspelled, and trailing off without making any point. Kind of like Cracka at happy hour.

Hey Cracka, you pullin for the Iggles? Which ugly East Coast city do you hate the most?
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:31 pm143Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I sure do miss Zeus. He’s a lot funnier than Bridgette the red-faced lunatic.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:33 pm144anne johnson

Yeah, I don’t do the alter ego thing here, except for Substitute Teacher, which I won’t do any more, because the school computers remember it.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:34 pm145anne johnson

I miss Zeus too! God probably banned him. Couldn’t stand the competition.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:35 pm146Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Zues either died, was smited by the economy or lost interest in us.
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:35 pm147Nun Ur Damned Bizness

err… Zeus. I’m sick, damn it!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 10:56 pm148uppity cracka

it’s funny you should ask, johnson. as a vikings fan, i have legitimate reason to hate pretty much every team in the NFL…especially the NFC east.

Giants-41-0 in NFC Championship game
‘Skins-87 NFC Championship game
Cowboys-drew pearson push off/herschel walker trade
eagles-last two playoff losses.

can they both lose?

i accidentally capitalized some stuff…hangover from actual writing i was doing a few minutes ago.

to the liquor store!

shut up, ben.
shut up, bridgette.
the rest of you….fuck off!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 11:04 pm149anne johnson

Yeah, Ben, shut up before you wake up Josh’s baby!
on 08 Jan 2009 at 11:15 pm150anne johnson

Oh damn! THE BABY’S CRYING! Dammit, Ben! Go change that baby! Can’t you see how worn out Josh is? Way to go.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 2:19 am151Ben

Josh is a father faggot.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 2:31 am152anne johnson

Shut up, Ben. You want to see evolution done right? Take a look at Bloodvork. He’s got it going on. You NEED MORE ATTENTION.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:02 am153Hume Cronyn

Fuck the Gators.
I hate Tebow.
Go Sooners.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:48 am154Hume Cronyn

God.
Why the fuck did you allow Florida to win?
This fuckin guy I work with is going to be
an insufferable dickhole for at least a week.
What the fuck God?
Isn’t Florida one of the shittiest states?
FUCKIN SHITASS FUCKITY FACK!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 1:31 pm155Yo Yo Ma Ma

Shut up, crone. When you prattle about sports as if they’re important, then end your diatribe with repetitive swear words, you sound like Nun.

Stick with blank verse.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 2:13 pm156Ben

i miss Smoggy.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 2:33 pm157uppity cracka

without sports we would all die, yo. stupid old guy.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 2:57 pm158Hume Cronyn

No.
And fuck you.
How’s that?
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:12 pm159Hume Cronyn

I was kinda drunk last night.
Mostly, I don’t give a raped dog’s ass
about sports and the followers thereof.
Going to games is fun;
watching on TV — I’d rather have a colonoscopy.
At least then you get drugs.
My shitass co-worker is an obnoxious Florida fag.
This next week shall suck, listening to him.
Maybe I’ll start writing in iambic pentameter, Yo,
but ultimately I hope a loose-stooled pigeon
shits on your car.
Something bothersome but not too terrible.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:19 pm160Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What Cracka said, Yo! Stupid old guy.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:22 pm161Bloodvork

Bridget and Bloodvork both start with B’s.

I don’t think I’m fat, though.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:26 pm162Yo Yo Ma Ma

“…ultimately I hope a loose-stooled pigeon shits on your car.”

It would be an improvement.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:26 pm163Yo Yo Ma Ma

Shut up, all ya punks! Fuggin sports tawk makes me cranky.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:28 pm164Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey!! Bloodvork’s new wavatar/gravatar thingie is wicked cool!!

Bridgette could never be that cool.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:28 pm165Yo Yo Ma Ma

cracka, Minnesota women are tough!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28569223/
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:30 pm166Yo Yo Ma Ma

Bloodvork, are you blowing red smoke or sucking blood from the sky? Either way, it’s frightening.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:33 pm167Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think God’s going to smite Amy Winehouse in a round-about way. Muslims want to kill her.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 3:34 pm168Bloodvork

That red is the appendage what helps me to collect the blood.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 4:09 pm169Yo Yo Ma Ma

Don’t take cracka’s blood - it’ll knock you on your ass for several hours.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 4:09 pm170uppity cracka

duluth. fuck it’s cold there. sad story, my friend’s grandma died that way. went outside to get the dog, slipped on the porch. that’s that. wow, now i’m depressed. thanks a lot, yoyo! now i have to drink my pain away!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 4:16 pm171Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Did anybody notice they misspelled ‘corpse’ in that article? Idiot Duluthians.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 4:18 pm172Yo Yo Ma Ma

“Muslims want to kill her.”

They have good taste. Everyone thinks that Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, issued a fatwa on Salman Rushdie because he defamed the Islamic faith. Actually the Ayatollah was disgusted with the poor writing. He also sentenced Steven King to thirty lashes with a typewriter ribbon.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 4:20 pm173Yo Yo Ma Ma

“now i have to drink my pain away!”

Ha! Like you need an excuse!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:05 pm174Evangelist Curtis

Cracka, I have a hangover today too. That doesn’t happen often and I’m grouchy.

Greasy fried chicken, mashed potato with white gravy (wallpaper paste), green beans (mush), and . . . . . CHEESY BROCCOLI SOUP!! (Cracka’s favorite fondue).

I am SO going to Subway today.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:50 pm175Ben

Lunch:

None. I’m anorexic.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:27 pm176uppity cracka

duluthians are stupid, nun.

ha! fondue!

shut up, ben.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:28 pm177Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Lunch - God smited me with salmonella for not liking His Smokin’ Hot Bod so I will just starve to death like I’ve been doing. I also don’t have any chiba.

I’m sorry, God for not recognizing Your Divine Hotness! You’re so hot, Divine Heavenly Father. Please give me chiba!!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:42 pm178God

Why should I Nun?

I granted your last request to see what I looked like in a speedo, and what did I get for it?

Nothing but grief and blasphemous insult.

I’d like you to know I never otherwise wear speedos - I HATE THEM! They choke My Balls. I also usually don’t show humans My Naked Body as the sight is too much for them to handle.

And so I smote you with salmonella poisoning and no chiba. As I expected, now you’re remorseful and make it unbearably obvious you are only apologizing for more of My Divine Weed.

You make Me sick. Lest you forget, I decided a while ago to no longer forgive anyone for anything. You’re on your own now with your hunt for shitty weed.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:49 pm179Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The Divine Lord is insulted by mere mortals? Sorry, God but that’s kind of Divinely Pussyish.

Also, I still don’t believe that’s Your Divine Heavenly Body.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:52 pm180God

DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

I AM NO PUSSY! DON’T YOU SEE MY MUSCLES?!

YOU SHALL SUFFER GREATLY FOR YOUR LACK OF FAITH!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:55 pm181uppity cracka

i think your up shit creek, nun. remember how God let the stupid, shitty vikings lose because He could see into the future that i would tell Him to fuck off in a moment of mortal rage? what you’ve done is waaaaaaaay worse than that. you’re screwed, bitch.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 7:00 pm182Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t think You’ve really paid attention to the things I’ve written, God. I think You’ve been too busy killing sand people… on that note, good job bringing about the End of Times.

As for Your Heavenly Body… I know You’re muscled. I believe I’ve mentioned that. However, You have got to be more Divinely Beautiful than the body You chose to use with Your Divine Head. I can only assume that Your Body is so immensely beautiful that it would blind the eyes of mortals such as myself so You used a mortal body. I have no idea why You continue to deny this but I know You have Your Divine Reasons.

You seem a bit sensitive today, God. I think You should smoke some of Your own Divine Chiba and relax a bit. Maybe drink a cocktail or two. Or maybe even a Divine Ether Binge is in order. I love You, You Big Divine Lug. Even when You’re Divinely Cranky and humanity suffers.

Also, I already suffer greatly. You made me a woman with a cursed vagina.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 7:01 pm183Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I have a vagina and salmonella, Cracka. I’m also dangerously close to being smited by the economy. I think God fucked me before I questioned why He used a mortal body with His Divine Head.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 7:30 pm184uppity cracka

nun’s vagina projectile vomits like linda blair in the exorcist.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 7:36 pm185Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yeah, but can it spin around backwards?
on 09 Jan 2009 at 8:22 pm186Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka said: “nun’s vagina projectile vomits like linda blair in the exorcist.”

Only when God smites me with a particularly bad case of gonorrhea, Cracka.

God changed His wavatar to be His Big Divine Head on that puny mortal’s body.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 8:48 pm187anne johnson

Why would God choose such an ugly portrait over the beautiful one Michelangelo did of Him? In that one he looks like John Brown, just a-fixing to descend on Harper’s Ferry, shoot a lot of people, and liberate the slaves.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 8:54 pm188Ben

Looks like God changed his wavatar again.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 8:55 pm189Nun Ur Damned Bizness

For some Bizarre and Divine Reason, God wants us to believe that brilliant example of ‘roid overdosing is His Divine and Studly Body. Now He hates me for refusing to believe His Divine Body is that unattractive. He hates me so much that He has started a never-ending smite of my beautiful life. He also took away my chiba which makes me You should be careful or He’ll take away your vicodin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbeQa2hmznk

I love my rock and roll but there’s just something about Ronnie.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 9:03 pm190Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ah-ha! Roiding! Don’t you people see it? God’s rage and overreactions?! Aggression and erratic bursts of emotion!?

We need to help God get over His Roid Rage.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 9:23 pm191uppity cracka

that’s gotta be it, yo. you’re a genius…well, maybe not a genius. let me try that again.

that’s gotta be it, yo. you’re somewhat observant!

if you think about it, God’s freakin’ old. maybe He has a body image problem of some kind. the old divine balls sag a little lower every millenium (milennium?), or He made some incredibly built humans and then looked at His own divine ass and started working out. we all know how long it takes to get in shape, right? so He cheated a little. only, the ‘roids they have in heaven are way more powerful than the earth ‘roids we give to our athletes…

well, you can fill in the rest.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 9:36 pm192Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wow! God’s new Divine Wavatar. I’m speechless and a little frightened.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 9:45 pm193Hera

God is such a studly beefcake

*sigh*
on 09 Jan 2009 at 9:46 pm194Ben

i’ll say it: you’re a genius Yo!

you figured out what the rest of us couldn’t about what God was trying to tell us with this post. He’s been on steroids this whole time and that’s why he’s so angry, that is why we suffer, that is why there is suffering in the world.

Q: Why does God allow suffering?

A: Because He’s on steroids and roid-raging out of His mind!!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 9:58 pm195Yo Yo Ma Ma

Thank you, Ben and Cracka!

Maybe He didn’t know he was getting steroids: “I thought it was vitamin shots”.

Did an Angel score Him some Arnies?
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:16 pm196uppity cracka

God, did your trainer give you any injections that he explained as ‘an energy boost’? and does he look like this guy?

http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/123037/2180731/2183419/080215_SNUT_mcnameeEX.jpg
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:36 pm197uppity cracka

there
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:36 pm198uppity cracka

can be
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:37 pm199uppity cracka

only
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:37 pm200uppity cracka

ONE!
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:38 pm201uppity cracka

if josh weren’t such a faggot-ass chinky chink fat new father he would definitely give me shit for that.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:48 pm202Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dudes!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090109/ap_on_re_us/death_row_eye

I wonder if it tasted like chicken.
on 09 Jan 2009 at 11:22 pm203Jessica Tandy

Eyes are protein-rich.
You’re familiar with protein-rich things
you might now want to ingest,
but do anyway, right?
on 10 Jan 2009 at 1:15 am204anne johnson

Eyeballs are the first things buzzards eat when they arrive at a road kill.
on 10 Jan 2009 at 1:15 am205anne johnson

Yeah, Cracka. Grow up already and stop trying to be the century quickener every time. Let Bridgette do it. She’ll come in her britches.
on 10 Jan 2009 at 1:22 am206Hume Cronyn

Grizzly bears eat salmon eyeballs
toss the fish to the side
empty socketed fish on the side of the shore.
Nun, with protein-filled stomach
sleeps soundly on the couch.
on 10 Jan 2009 at 2:12 am207Evangelist Curtis

You know, when you think about it, the term “finger puppets” is really only okay when it’s used only as a noun.
on 10 Jan 2009 at 2:14 am208Evangelist Curtis

Argh! I forgot my secret sign on to get the happy pink starfish thingy gravitar!
on 10 Jan 2009 at 3:05 am209anne johnson

Glad to see the pink starfish! I thought you’d finally eaten at your cafeteria or something! Ever thought of using that fondue soup as grout?

BTW: I had the fresh salad bar today, felt oh so good about my choice, and then the afternoon Culinary Arts class brought out warm chocolate cheesecake cupcakes. Free of charge.

AND the hottie substitute teacher was there today! It’s great to actually believe a man when he says he was in “law enforcement.”
on 11 Jan 2009 at 5:10 am210Douche bag

Oh, my God! I love your heavenly body! But , why did the Ravens win today? Will my beloved Steelers beat the sorry assed Chargers tomorrow? Yours always! Much love & hope!
on 11 Jan 2009 at 7:13 pm211Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope the Steelers choke.

Who knew that God had a Divine Hard-On for the fucking Cardinals?!
on 11 Jan 2009 at 9:20 pm212Douche bag

Nun, yeah, that game was a shocker. I’m watching the Eagles, Giants game now.
We’ll soon know about the Steelers. And my youngest son’s roomates, one a Steeler fan, the other a Charger fan,are on their way to my house. Should be interesting. I usually do not watch the games with anyone but my husband.Can’t help but be a Steeler fan. I grew up near Pittsburgh & have been to many games. I am over 50. I told the Charger fan that he is a man with a vagina.
Oh, & Nun, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if we win today, I am afraid of playing the Ravens.
on 11 Jan 2009 at 9:58 pm213anne johnson

The only football fan here who doesn’t suck up to God just saw her incredibly pathetic underdog team advance in the playoffs. In order to get into the playoffs, the Eagles had to win their last game and TWO other teams had to LOSE.

Clap if you believe in faeries!
on 11 Jan 2009 at 10:06 pm214anne johnson

Any explanation, God All Whitey-Tighty?
on 12 Jan 2009 at 1:08 am215anne johnson

Ahem, I’m waiting, Daddy Deity. Nun and Cracka profess their devotion, and their teams go down in the dust. I despise you with every breath, and my unworthy squad advances. Where’s your power, my man?
on 12 Jan 2009 at 2:11 am216Douche bag

Haha anne! I was cheering for the Eagles, a PA team. But, my Steelers won! Wahoo! I made the Chargers fan wear a pink thong on his head as a dew rag. Way too funny! Bring it on Ravens! Hope to see you in the Superbowl!
on 12 Jan 2009 at 5:15 am217Ben

Winning the Superbowl is a meaningless quest. The glory is too fleeting.

Now winning the Superbowl 5 years in a row, now THAT would mean something.
on 08 Jan 2011 at 6:24 pm218Roman Marrett

Thank you for the nice post.