Stuff God Hates

Dec 5th, 2008 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

If you are reading this now, then I have let you live to see another Friday. I demand you thank Me!

I let the week pass by quickly (or slowly) and gave you this day so that you could be happy and grateful, and yet here I sit on My Throne, and I’ve only received four actual prayers of thanks thus far today.

You ungrateful bastards! How often you utter the phrase “Thank God it’s Friday” and then never bother to actually thank Me! I get no appreciation! None! I demand you give thanks and pay homage!

Do this and I shall let you live to see another Friday. Do it not and I will banish you to the plane of existence where it is always Monday.

Tags: Friday, God, Gratitude

Posted in Prayers

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86 Responses to “Thank Me it’s Friday!”

on 05 Dec 2008 at 3:49 pm1Josh

May I be the first on this blog to say Thank you Lord!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 3:54 pm2Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thank You, O Divine One for this blessed Friday. I will spend this day in worship of You, O Studly One. I shall keep You in my thoughts as I fill my house with the smoke from Your Divine and Blessed Chiba. And I’ll try to remember You when I’m watching the new X-Files movie again. Sorry, God but priorities are priorities.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 3:56 pm3uppity cracka

thank You, King of Kings. Is it a jack night or a jameson night, Sir? whichever You prefer i drink as i smite in Your Name, oh Lord, i shall drink.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 4:05 pm4Josh

God,
Are You planning on smitting the T.G.I. Fridays restaurant chain?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 4:13 pm5Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Poor Roark, his post is gone.

Let’s take a poll… what pic should I use as my gravatar? Me suggestively looking at a boxed cock while thinking of God and His Divine Boner or me smoking a joint filled with God’s blessed chiba?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 4:15 pm6Josh

stick with the boxed cock pic, your tits are in that one
on 05 Dec 2008 at 4:20 pm7uppity cracka

haha!!!

those are pretend tits, josh. i like the chiba one. i think you should go back and forth depending on whether you are mostly horny or mostly stoned that day. you’ll need another pic for those days when you are equally horny/stoned. for those days just use a picture of bridgette’s pudgy, splotchy, dumb face.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 4:20 pm8uppity cracka

no reason.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 4:58 pm9God

Josh, Nun, and Cracka: You are welcome. You shall live to enjoy next Friday. No one else will.

Josh, I will not smite T.G.I. Friday’s. Why would I? I helped create it and am especially fond of their Jack Daniels flavored foods.

Cracka, I declare tonight a Jameson night for you. Drink till you can feel My presence and My love for you My child.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 5:17 pm10Douche bag

Thank You God! In honor of my love for You, I will print out this post & super glue it to every Catholic church door in my area today.

Nun, can’t believe it but I agree with cracka. I like the one with the chiba too. But, that’s mostly because I don’t care about your tits. I have a nice rack of my own.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 5:34 pm11Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yeah but my tits are real, Douche. For some reason, I thought you were a boy.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 5:37 pm12Douche bag

Nope, I am all female, married with children.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 5:40 pm13Roark

Well I’m no longer the first, but that’s ok.

Thanks God. Thanks for everything. Thanks for making it Friday, thanks for making me laugh, and thanks for posting 3 times this week. It’s cool around here when you post a lot.

Nun I vote for the chiba pic.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 5:59 pm14Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’re all a bunch of drug addicted pot-heads who despise breasts!!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:05 pm15Roark

Eh, I think we just like to see new things.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:07 pm16Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’d be a lot more interesting if you were a drug addicted pot-head who despised breasts.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:42 pm17Smoggy Batzrubble

It’s Saturday here…so thanks for yesterday Yahweh. Nice to be permanently one day ahead of all the other fuckmugs
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:44 pm18Smoggy Batzrubble

P’raps nun and douchie could have a rack contest…who wants to judge it?

Oh wait…let’s just ask God which one of them has the best set of bouncy funbags.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:49 pm19Burro

Nun has GREAT bouncy funbags!!!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:53 pm20Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Burro would know actually. I like to rub them in his face whenever I feel the urge. He has told me that my animated likeness resembles the real thing quite well.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:58 pm21God

Nun has the better funbags. Douchebag is a 15 year old boy from Wisconsin pretending to be a woman.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 7:08 pm22Smoggy Batzrubble

Oh vell…if ve are beink honest…I am an 84 year old priest from Germany who likes to grease up my piles wit vaseline unt play hide the communion wafer with transvestites dressed as altar boys. Me unt Benny the Rat (sorry, The Holy Father) used to be in the Hitler Youth togedder–he was a damnt good platoon leader. Very dedicated.

All togedder now… SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL!

Sorry…I meant…’In Nominus, Deus …’
on 05 Dec 2008 at 7:40 pm23Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thanks, Divine Big Guy. I’m so full of love for You right now. I can’t wait to have my special alone time for You tonight.

I also have a request in addition to my ass-kissing of Your Divine Ass. Please smite anybody who thinks it’s a good idea to remake Rocky Horror. You just can’t beat the original…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8UWMH6So0U

You’re my Divine Super Hero, God!!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 7:59 pm24uppity cracka

smog-you’re not one day ahead…you’re six days behind.
it’s next friday here, sheepfucker!!!!!!!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:17 pm25Smog in Black

Crappa

Unlike you sad AmericANUS’s I am not subject to the tyranny of chronology. GOD the All Powerful who redeemed me from Hell has blessed me with a tiny portion of HIS ability to transcend time and exist in all Fridays separately and together unto infinity. Which means, piss-flap-face (and I say that with Christian love and respect) it can be whichever fucking Friday I want it to be. For ‘Smog in Black’ time is meaningless—a shackle for the masses.:cool:

PS So (my dear brother in Christ) shove that up your back passage along with whatever else has crawled up there to die.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:20 pm26Smog in Black

And thank you God for the contract I have just signed to be in the next 15 Matrix movies.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:21 pm27Roark

God I’m very thankful for things, but could you please make it 6 o’clock already?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:31 pm28SmogFreud in Black

You keep coming back to this place Roark. I believe you are searching for something. We are a community of love and wish to help you find whatever it is. So tell us all about yourself:
Were you happy as a child?
Have you escaped your juvenile conditioning?
Do you prefer alcohol as shots or intravenously?
What’s the best crime you have ever committed?
Do you have any interest in sheep? Or are you more a geese and chicken sort of person?
who do you think is more contemptible—Ben or Cracka?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:33 pm29Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Smoggy’s having delusions of divinity.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:45 pm30anne johnson

Thank you, God, for Friday.

No punch line.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:46 pm31Josh

Smoggy always has delusions, same shit different pot.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 8:59 pm32Roark

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it

God only knows what Id be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what Id be without you

God only knows what Id be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows what Id be without you
God only knows
God only knows what Id be without you
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:06 pm33SmogFreud in Black

You need more help than I can offer Roark
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:08 pm34Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I like The Beach Boys.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:12 pm35Smoggy Batzrubble

No, no. no Josh. Different shit–same pot. I’ve very faithful when it comes to where I crap. I still use the same pink porcelain potty Mama Batzrubble sat me on all those years ago (she wanted me to be a girl). No matter where in the world I roam or for how long I always return to the same place to evacuate my bowels.

Have to say, it was a pretty scary after my two years in Uzbekistan without a bowel movement. Took weeks to work that one out.. the NZ Govt had to call in a HazMat team.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:25 pm36Roark

You’re getting lost in the character Smoggy.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:30 pm37anne johnson

Again would someone please tell me why we missed Smoggy?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:32 pm38Smoggy Batzrubble

I’ve already told you–I didn’t miss him, Smoggy’s a cunt!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:35 pm39BLOGCRITIC

Indeed, the blog critic consensus is that S. Batzrubble is a vile heap of filth, thoroughly deserving of the association with the offensive slang term for a woman’s genitalia. We are considering instituting banning procedures.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:36 pm40Smoggy Batzrubble

Fair enough too. The sooner Smoggy Batzrubble is off this blog and back in hell the better. What about it, all you lurkers on God’s blog. Do you hate Smoggy as much as I do? Sign in and tell him to sign off!!!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:40 pm41Roark

Calm down Smoggy. Breathe.

10….9…..8…..7….
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:42 pm42Josh

I like Smoggy, but then again I like Ben, so my opinion means shit.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:46 pm43Ben

holy shit! you like me? no foolin?? aw geez mister! thanks! thanks a lot! i’ll take good care of him i promise!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:47 pm44Smoggy Batzrubble

You’re very preoccupied with shit today aren’t you Josh?

But I like you too–although i miss your fat boy titties. I still hope you become the next Seinfeld or similar. If you find anything Smoggy posts on God’s blog suitably offensive and funny, you have my blessing to take it, share it, re-work it and fuck around with it in any way shape or form for your next routine.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:49 pm45Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I dedicate this to my burro’s ex, who was not sweet. In fact, he was a bad gay that ruined our chances three years in a row to visit The X-Files set. Damn him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmxBb3RdnT8
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:49 pm46Nun Ur Damned Bizness

And I would so fuck Tim Curry.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:49 pm47Smoggy Batzrubble

Ben…I only hate you because everyone else does…and I’ve always believed it is best to stay on side with the bullies and persecute the weird kid.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:56 pm48Sibyll

I’ve been lurking here for awhile. I think all of you are so mean to Ben. Why do you pick on him? Pick on that yellow circle thing with the pissed off look.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:02 pm49Nun Ur Damned Bizness

So, Sibyll is just as clueless as Ben.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:06 pm50Smoggy Batzrubble

Ha! You don’t fool me Sibyll, i know you are secretly Ben in disguise. Know how I know? The anagram of “Sibyll and Ben” is “I SLY BLAND BEN’–There! A confession if ever there was one!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:06 pm51Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, Thank You for Friday!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:06 pm52Yo Yo Ma Ma

Sibyll, we show our love for Ben by abusing him. This toughens him up for the Real World, a dangerous place, I’ve been told.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:09 pm53Sibyll

You’re internet bullies. I don’t know why he even looks at these comments.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:09 pm54Yo Yo Ma Ma

Smoggy, your name is an anagram of “Grabby Glob Zest Um”, which, I believe, is some kind of NooZiiland slang for ‘Sheep-corking sodomite.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:11 pm55Yo Yo Ma Ma

‘Sibyll’ (Actually it’s Ben, cross-dressing, even though no one can see him), Ben loves the abuse. He has been known to print out and read these posts, whilst giving himself a quick jab ‘below the beltline’ with a Taser.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:12 pm56anne johnson

Sibyll’s not Ben. She’s just another Smoggy clone. In drag.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:13 pm57Yo Yo Ma Ma

Smoggy Batzrubble = “Grabby Bum Zest Log”. What does that mean?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:14 pm58Smoggy Batzrubble

“a quick jab ‘below the beltline’ with a Taser”

heh.. heh…

ZAP! ZIP! CRACK! SPURT-SPURT-SPURT! SLOP-SLOP.. aaaahhhh…..
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:16 pm59Smoggy Batzrubble

‘another Smoggy clone. In drag”

Nup…not this time. Hey Syb–try and say something really offensive like my clones do. Betcha can’t.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:22 pm60anne johnson

“Smoggy Batzrubble” sounds like the last thing overheard before the bar fight broke out.

I’m giving Sybill a hand here.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:23 pm61Ben

God I got you a Christmas gift!

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/oG3QkbfivVmp/kIDaGkJi28SSGLjMlWN8Bgle

Hope you like it!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:24 pm62Josh

Anne,
#60 I don’t see how that’s an insult. I would think that’s a compliment. Like peopel yell Geronimo! before they jump or scalp a whitey.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:25 pm63SmogFreud in Black

Second thoughts. Sibyll wrote: “I’ve been lurking here for awhile. I think all of you are so mean to Ben. Why do you pick on him? Pick on that yellow circle thing with the pissed off look.”

Sibyll is secretly cracka the masochist wanting a bit of online hate!

Sad cracka…very sad…you small dicked unibrow. Your cerebellum has a smooth surface (neuropsychologist insult).
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:26 pm64Josh

Ben,
why would you give God a broken link?
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:39 pm65Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yeah, Ben. I just tried it - no go. Better put on your static guard, I see a Smitin’ with Lightnin’.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:41 pm66Ben

it works you just have to be more patient as it takes a while to load.

you dingus butts.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:41 pm67Yo Yo Ma Ma

SmogFreud in Black, please note my well-wrinkled cerebellum.

What’s that dangly thing underneath my cerebellum? “Sometimes a dangly thing is just a dangly thing”.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:47 pm68Ben

it doesn’t work in IE. Download firefox and look at it cause it’s cool.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 10:59 pm69Smoggy Batzrubble

I use firefox Ben and I can see it fine.

Ah well…it’s a hot Saturday afternoon here…think I’ll go to the beach.

Bye bye paganannie and other Americanuses
on 05 Dec 2008 at 11:13 pm70anne johnson

It’s a hot afternoon, and he’s going to the beach.

FUCK YOU FUCKIN SMOGGY, I HOPE YOUR SHEEP GET FLEAS, TICKS, LICE, AND HERPES! I HOPE YOU PULL UP OLD GREG THE NEXT TIME YOU GO FISHING AND HE SHOVES HIS MANGINA IN YOUR UNWILLING PUSS!
on 05 Dec 2008 at 11:14 pm71anne johnson

The only 69 Smoggy will ever get.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 11:14 pm72anne johnson

Gotta say it one more time. Fuck you, Smoggy.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 11:24 pm73anne johnson

… and fuck Eastern Standard Time.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 11:25 pm74anne johnson

Not enough vodka in the world to deal with this darkness.
on 05 Dec 2008 at 11:57 pm75TheEvilOverlord

Too late for giving thanks here. It seems I’ve already been banished to everlasting Monday.
on 06 Dec 2008 at 3:25 am76Chritian The Jew

Thank you God for only impaling me in places non-essential to life or Your Heavenly Kingdom this week. I am truly grateful that You saved me from a would be crotch smiting earlier this morning. I am so grateful to still have the genitalia that You blessed/cursed me with.
on 06 Dec 2008 at 4:43 am77catmantoad

Thank You, God, thank You
for the Fridays and the nuns
and for loco weed
on 06 Dec 2008 at 8:07 am78...love Maegan

good god!
on 06 Dec 2008 at 4:13 pm79anne johnson

What was I thinking, thanking God for Friday? Shows how tired I was.

Thank you, Organized Labor, for Friday. Without unions, we would all still be saying, “Thank God for noon on Saturday. We don’t have to go back to work until Monday morning.”
on 07 Dec 2008 at 4:53 pm80Thomas

I thought “TGIF” stood for “Thank Goodness It’s Funny.”

At least that’s what Balky and the Olson twins always told me.

Maybe I’m showing my age.
on 08 Dec 2008 at 1:28 am81Douche bag

Thank You God. For the Steeler win win over the Cowboys. That was awesome!
on 08 Dec 2008 at 5:21 am82Master Shake

Thank You God for making me so fucking awesome.

P.S. Smite Uppity Cracka.
on 08 Dec 2008 at 5:28 am83The Grim Reaper

Thank You God for progress on Your plan to eliminate Patrick Swayze once and for all.
on 08 Dec 2008 at 5:29 am84God

Shake - Indeed, I have made you awesome.

But I will not smite Uppity Cracka. He is a loyal servant and consistently one of My Top Disciples. If anything, I should smite you. Now be good and make friends or I shall strike you down with cancer of the straw.

Douchebag - You’re welcome.

Anne Johnson - Fuck you.
on 09 Dec 2008 at 5:48 am85Master Shake

If You’ve looked at the comments section of Your Divine Posts, You’ll notice the shit that uppity has been giving me.

I will not be friends with him unless he treats me with respect, and if he doesn’t You shall smite him regardless.
on 11 Dec 2008 at 12:22 am86Apollo

Hey Thanks god-dude for the Friday… One of my favorite nymph fucking days….