Stuff God Hates

Dec 12th, 2008 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

In case you haven’t noticed, I have decided to smite the entire world economy. This means you will soon be fired from whatever dead-end job you currently have.

Why have I decided to do this? You have all gotten far too fat and complacent and wrapped up in your Plasma TV’s and your Nintendo Wii’s and have forgotten Me. I never said I wasn’t the jealous type.

I have resolved to keep up this economic catastrophe until My Flock has grown by a solid 100 million parishioners worldwide. And nothing brings people to Me more than a good dose of going broke.

Here are but a few of the signs of My Smiting of the world economy:

Global Economy in Big, Big Trouble

SMITE!

US Economy In ‘Very Serious’ Depression

SMITE!

Bank of America to Fire Almost Everybody

SMITE!

Game over for KB Toys; CEO Blames Crop of Boring Toys

SMITE!

Don’t Feel Bad If You Get Fired; Many People Losing Their Jobs

SMITE!

Auto Industry Collapses Into Fetal Position

SMITE!

Australia Bought By Consortium of Angry Kangaroos

SMITE!

Videogame Industry Still Doing Great

WTF?!

Everything is going to shit, but you people are still buying soul-sucking videogames as fast as ever. You silly bastards!

You think you can escape from Lord God Almighty? Well, you people won’t be able to play videogames to ignore Me anymore once I make you homeless.

And if going bankrupt and performing fellatio for food doesn’t convince you to love Me, then I will simply smite the entire planet as I rock out to death metal.

I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.

Tags: Economy, God, Suffer You Bastards!

Posted in Earth

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165 Responses to “SMITING: World Economy”

on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:05 pm1Roark

yeah Lord, could you possibly see your way clear to cutting your demands to like another 50 believers? 100 million is pretty steep.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:34 pm2Josh

God,
For my part I printed out your blog and posted it on random street corners in NY. I also set up a dummy email account and sent a link to your blog to everyone in my shitty company.

Your Humble Servant,
Josh

PS God could you please smite the IT guy at my company. He sent an email back to my dummy account saying he will find me based on IP address and “prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.” Please don’t smite him too bad, he’s a good guy, but I need my job. How about testicular cancer, so they have to cut only ONE ball off. Thank You in advance.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:40 pm3God

Roark - No.

Josh - Thankyou, you are one of the good ones. When I rapture, I will take you up.

As to the IT guy, you are right he is a good guy, so I will not smite him, as he is not going to do anything beyond that email he CC’ed his boss on anyway. He has far too much on his plate as it is to be trifling with such matters.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:51 pm4uppity cracka

oh those poor poor people.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:54 pm5Ben

nice headlines God!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:55 pm6Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I printed up this post and blew it up on to a huge sheet of cardboard which I hold up on the street corner. I usually stand next to the black fellow who tells us the world is about to end. He and I have the best conversations!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 2:57 pm7God

Good, good! Well done Nun. You have more of My Finest Chiba coming your way.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 3:07 pm8Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Could You send some blessed chiba to my new black friend too? I was talking to him about my God-given chiba and he said he’d never ever touched marijuana in his life. I told him that he was denying his heritage and blackness and that he must start smoking blunts immediately. I gave him a little taste but I don’t want to support him, God. Can You hook him up?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 3:34 pm9Ben

so you said unless he smokes blunts he’s not really black? damn that’s racist. I love it!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 3:43 pm10Nun Ur Damned Bizness

He had also never tasted malt beer. I chuckled and told him that he was completely clueless on how to be black. He is unemployed so that’s a step in the right direction.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 3:46 pm11Josh

If I didn’t know Nun loves black pipe, I’d say she was a huge racist!!!!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 3:51 pm12Ben

well she IS from Seattle afterall….nothing but racists there…
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:00 pm13uppity cracka

true, the great northwest is renowned the depth and quality of its hilarious racism. i have been warning patients all day that they are going to die. just like that: “you”re going to die.” well, those heathen administrators want me to talk to some stuffy lawyer type now. smite them, Lord! make them burn in hell for their disbelief!!!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:00 pm14Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I like black pipe because it’s so huge. Every blackie is swingin’ a gigantocock.

Racists and heathen athiests, Ben.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:01 pm15uppity cracka

* renowned for the depth…

stupid words.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:04 pm16uppity cracka

so i told them i was up late drinking whiskey at one of my brother’s gigs last night (apparently, this musical delusion of grandeur runs in the family) and that i am therefore probably too drunk to be held accountable for my actions today. now they have me sitting here waiting for some blood tests to come back…fuckers.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:07 pm17Nun Ur Damned Bizness

da man is getting smited by da man. Ironic.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:28 pm18Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, thank You for not smiting the IT guy. As you say, we usually have too much on our plates to worry about small stuff.

Besides, he forwarded the email to a bunch of his buddies, so Your Glorious Word will reach more people!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:30 pm19Ben

for realsies Cracka? in this economy you are so gone man.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:30 pm20Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, are You softening up New England for a smiting?
Storm cuts power to 1 million people
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:32 pm21Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ben, cracka is their resident bigot, they can’t fire him - they have a quota.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:45 pm22Ben

oh yes, I remember now. the Resident Bigot Quota Act of 1982. that’s how I keep my job too.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:52 pm23Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yepper. And when you add in his drunkeness and White Male status, you realize he’s holding down three jobs at once!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:53 pm24Yo Yo Ma Ma

Cracka, you had to have a blood test? No urine test - were they tired of mopping up after you had the shakes, and missed the bottle?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 4:57 pm25Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Shit. God’s preparing to smite the holy hell out of the Pacific Northwest. The last huge storm we had, I was without power for a week and my cockatiel almost froze his little birdy wings off.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:02 pm26substitute teacher

I guess this explains why I just got a job (well, it’s part-time). I don’t have a plasma t.v., wii, or video games. I guess it pays to hug trees and do the nature thing.

Cracka, did you mean you were giving a blood test, or waiting for the results from someone else’s blood tests? If you’re getting an AIDS test, whose fault is it that you shared a needle with Roark? Free will, lil’ yellow guy.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:07 pm27Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It’s an HIV test, not an AIDS test. As a fag-hag, this is very dear to my heart.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:08 pm28Ben

substitute teacher is TOTALLY anne johnson in disguise.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:08 pm29Ben

and she looks like old bridgette.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:09 pm30Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Anne always posts as Sub teacher when she’s at the VoTech. Pay attention, Benny.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:12 pm31God

YoYo - Yes. I am smiting both the Pacific Northwest and the Atlantic Northeast. This works to serve several other overall smites I have going on right now as well, including the economy smite.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:14 pm32uppity cracka

you guys are such weather pussies. you can’t even call it driving until there’s at least 8 inches of snow. it think nun has a similar rule about fucking.

i tried explaining to them how it’s all part of my religion and that God told me i have to smite heretics in his name. now a couple of suits from some eastern bloc sounding agency called “homeland security” are telling me i’m on the next flight to egypt if i don’t share my contacts with them. so, it looks like i’m gonna need some weed, nun. i think that’s what they’re talking about.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:36 pm33Yo Yo Ma Ma

Dang. Guess I better put on my smiting boots - looks like a looong cleanup!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:36 pm34Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, Cracka. They are looking for darkies. Give up Josh and his girlie-girl.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:38 pm35Yo Yo Ma Ma

Cracka, use your aboriginal skills and live in the woods for a few days until it all blows over.

Nun said, “my cockatiel almost froze his little birdy wings off”

You don’t have to use euphemisms with us, Nun.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:50 pm36Josh

Nun,
YOu are right they are looking for darkies but not darkies with whitey names. I’m not even on their list.

True story, I was held up at customs coming from Spain because “my face did not match my name” I had to explain to the dude that my parents are super religious and that’s how I got my name. Then he quizzed me on the Bible.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:55 pm37Josh

#35!

bird pussy FACE!!!!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 5:59 pm38Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You guys are perverts. I really do have a cockatiel and he really did almost freeze his little birdy wings off.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:27 pm39uppity cracka

you’re calling us pervs? you do realize that your gravatar is holding a dildo, right?

well, black joshua, after the tales i’ve told these guys mr. t will be lucky if the feds don’t burn his house down and murder his whole family waco style before he can even put his hands up in surrender. a whitey’s gotta do what a whitey’s gotta do…
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:33 pm40Ben

actually she’s now holding a joint now. unless in minnesota you call joints ‘dildos.’

.
.
.
clear out your cache.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:35 pm41Josh

Cracka,
I keep life size cut outs of my white family around my house just in case the feds bust in. They are a little hesitant to shoot a white person as that usually ends up on the news and they do investigations. I also carry a “white guy” mask with me at all times. You never know.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:35 pm42Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ben, Cracka compared what Nun was holding to her lips to what he’s got in his pants, they were about the same size, hence, he thought it was a dildo.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:37 pm43Ben

hahaha, good one Josh.

yoyo, not so much.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:38 pm44Yo Yo Ma Ma

STFU, Ben.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:41 pm45Josh

yo yo,
I believe Nun went back to her old sexy pic and not her chiba pic. I think Ben got you. Now you have to kill yourself. sorry, dems da rulz.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:44 pm46Ben

no yoyo. it’s:

shutup, Ben.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:45 pm47Yo Yo Ma Ma

Weird - I see a nun smoking a joint. And all of Nun’s pix are sexy.

Ben: Shutup, Ben! Howzat?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:47 pm48Josh

Here we are observing the lowly blog donkey, Benicus Retardicis, as he tries to claw his way up the pecking order. He’s got his sights on an older member of the flock, Itguyamous Yoyobitican. Notice how the Benicus smells blood and refuses to let the older more preverted member of the flock get up….

let’s continue to watch how this battle unfolds
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:54 pm49Yo Yo Ma Ma

Itguyamous Yoyobitican sacrifices some processes on the server, and invokes the names of All Powerful See-Pluz-Pluz, Tee-Cee Pee slash Ieepee.

This causes Ben’s name and phone number to be added to call lists in every call center in the world.

Ben, expect wonderfull phone calls all day:

“Mr. Ben? Do you suffer from painful rectal itch?” click

“Hello Meester Beene, I am the finace officer for a small Nigerian bank-” click!

“Jews for Jesus!” Slam!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 6:57 pm50Ben

yoyo, closer, but still not there. it’s important to not capitalize the shutup, or the ben for that matter. I was testing you to see if you’d correct it, but you didn’t:

shutup, ben.

see? much more disrespectful that way. it shows you don’t even have the respect of using the ‘caps lock’ or ’shift’ key. too much work.

and pay attention to Josh. see, he’s funny. you could learn a few things.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:17 pm51Yo Yo Ma Ma

P.S. I tossed my cookies, but still see Nun puffing.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:18 pm52Yo Yo Ma Ma

I laugh at Josh, but cannot emulate him. And being a white, middle-aged man, don’t need to.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:19 pm53Yo Yo Ma Ma

shutup, ben
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:21 pm54Josh

i wish I was a white middle aged man. The world would be made for me. Plus I could totally clean up on any online dating site.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:21 pm55Ben

YOU BASTARD!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:22 pm56Ben

triple-posting??
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:22 pm57Ben

that’s not fair
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:22 pm58Ben

i’ll never catch up
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:22 pm59Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, I wish I was funny - I’d clean up on dates (assuming I was younger, and single).
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:23 pm60Ben

or take over the 5 spot
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:23 pm61Ben

if you keep doing that
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:23 pm62Ben

still
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:24 pm63Ben

you did get ’shutup, ben’ right that time
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:24 pm64Ben

and even left out the period all on your own. good job!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:25 pm65Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ha! Ben is under Anne! A place he likes to be in.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:25 pm66Ben

YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:26 pm67Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ben, I usually triple-post, even on other blogs. I can’t use a different name/gravatar, the pattern outs me every time.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:27 pm68Yo Yo Ma Ma

Note that I am on top of Anne, a place I enjoy!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:27 pm69Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That’s because Nun is puffing. I suspect Yo was right when he pondered the possibility that perhaps Cracka has compared the size of my joint to the size of his teeny-tiny wang and concluded that I was holding some kind of penis object. I feel that God has shown me how He sees me and it would be mighty disrespectful to not use the picture that shows how God sees His beloved Nun.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:28 pm70Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yeah, I deliberately left out the period, showing how little I think of you - not worth punctuation!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:29 pm71Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ha! Thanks, Nun!

Yo Yo: 1
ben: 0
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:29 pm72Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Where’s Roark to defend his lack of knowledge about everything vajayjay?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:30 pm73Yo Yo Ma Ma

And where’s cracka? Getting a body cavity search after his blood test results came in?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:35 pm74Josh

where is everyone? can’t we just enjoy the retards that are on the menu today?

I’ll have a full Josh retard, hold the Ben, and can you add some extra yo yo just in case. Thank you.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:35 pm75Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka is in hiding. He’s horribly worried that I will disclose information about the rectal pounding he received the other day from that big stick I was holding. I’ve been keeping secrets about how much he did or did not enjoy it.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:36 pm76Nun Ur Damned Bizness

If Josh was a darkie and not a retarded ching-chong, I’d take an order of Josh wiener every day. But I’m kind of slutty that way.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:42 pm77Chrietian The Jew

God, I will do my best to let my fellow man know that their financial pains are only because You want them to know how much You love them…

If they don’t listen, would You please destroy the earth to the sound of of Pantera…
Cemetery Gates would be so appropriate…..
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:51 pm78Ben

Christian,

Did you see the link God linked in the post?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t0ruI7KOZg&NR=1

i liked it. badass.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 7:51 pm79Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Poor Cretin the Jew can never spell his name right.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:02 pm80uppity cracka

well, after the waterboarding and assrape i’ve suffered i think it’s time to call it a week. ouch!

shut up, jew.

and the song is clearly Slayer’s “Angel of Death”
if you’re going with Pantera it’s gotta be “Slaughtered”
not a song about a dead girlfriend, no, a song about a dead everyone…
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:02 pm81uppity cracka

shut up, ben
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:11 pm82Josh

I heard the new Keanu Reeves move sucks.

I saw Gran Torino, if you like racism you will LOOOOOOVVE this movie.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:16 pm83Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The new Keanu Reeves movie has Jaden Smith in it so of course it’s going to suck.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:25 pm84Roark

Jaden Smith is one of the finest actors of his generation.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:34 pm85Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jaden Smith is talented but he is being pushed on the public.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:45 pm86Roark

no he’s not. (talented)
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:45 pm87Josh

Jaden Smith is no Macaulay Culkin, and The Day the Earth Stood Still remake is clearly no Home Alone.

Honestly the kid is just ok, he is not in the same ball club as Dakota Fanning. If his parent were not hollywood royalty, you would have never ever heard of him.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:51 pm88Nun Ur Damned Bizness

He’s a darkie so he will always hold a special place in my heart and I would so totally fuck his poppa. And Macauley Culkin had great comedic timing but no dramatic chops to speak of. If you want to find that kind of talent in the Culkin family then you look to Kieran or Rory.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:56 pm89Josh

Nun,
did you buy I, Robot just to see Sill Smith’s ass?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 8:59 pm90Josh

Sill Smith! Ha! I meant Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:04 pm91Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t own I, Robot, Josh but I’d like to and not just for his ass either. I don’t remember seeing his ass in that though.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:07 pm92Josh

I hate to admit this, but I remember his ass in that one. He’s in a shower in the beginning. My wife points it out every time it’s on TV, EVERY SINGLE TIME. All I hear is her yelling “Whoooooooooooo!” EVERY TIME.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:07 pm93Josh

it’s a side view, not a crack view. so that could be why you don’t remember.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:10 pm94Nun Ur Damned Bizness

BAH!! If I don’t see crack and a ball sac hanging down then it’s not an ass shot.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:11 pm95Nun Ur Damned Bizness

And your story about your wife makes me chuckle a little chuckle every time I reread it.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:12 pm96anne johnson

Back from substitute teaching! Will someone please take Ben out from under me? Cracka, will you take Ben out?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:14 pm97anne johnson

I feel like the princess and the pea.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:18 pm98Josh

your tricks for a quickening do not fool me witch!!!!!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:21 pm99Josh

who will it be?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:21 pm100Josh

There is only one person on this blog now paying attention.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:23 pm101anne johnson

Got a call this morning at 5:45. They needed someone to cover for one of the culinary arts teachers. Of course I said yes, even though I can’t boil water. Then I laid there worrying about cuisinarts and sharp knives and boiling broth, and everything that can go wrong in a kitchen. Then I got up and went to school.

So I get to the Vo-Tech, and the secretary says, “We’ve switched you to Drafting. We need someone strong up there.”

Uh oh.

The morning wasn’t bad, but in the afternoon the room was crowded with 25 of the rowdiest juniors and seniors in the whole school. All crackin on each other. So I said, “I know it’s against school rules, but if you want to listen to your IPods while you work, it’s okay with me.”

They plugged their ears and did their work. It was like the magic sleeping potion!

But they got finished early, and it seemed like they might try to claw their way out through the cinder block. Finally the bell rang.

I’m on my way out of the school, and another substitute says, “Oh, I just loved culinary! They all knew just what to do, and they made the most delicious cookies, and I got to eat one right out of the oven! I’ll do culinary any time!”

FUCK ME.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:24 pm102anne johnson

Josh, I’m just trying to get away from Ben.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:24 pm103Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wow! It’s like God smited you.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:26 pm104Josh

then Anne, you need to post bullet points not stories.
Get with it Druid.

What are you doign for the winter soltice?
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:29 pm105Josh

listen to Kanye West’s new album for free:

http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/?em3106=214212_-1__0_~0_-1_11_2008_0_0&em3281=&em3161=
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:50 pm106Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I would totally fuck Kanye West if he didn’t talk.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:52 pm107Roark

george bush doesn’t care about black people.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 9:58 pm108anne johnson

George Bush doesn’t care about anyone except rich people.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:02 pm109anne johnson

For winter solstice we will have a bonfire in the woods. Seriously. I think our ritual falls right on solstice this year.

And BTW, we keep our clothes on. It’s a state park, so we have to be very discreet about some of our ritual items … not the kittens for slaughter, but the whiskey.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:04 pm110anne johnson

I would totally fuck the cute substitute teacher I trained yesterday. He wasn’t inside the door more than two minutes before word about him got around … I wasn’t the only one who found him HOT. The girl students kept asking me where he was. Like I would have told them!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:05 pm111anne johnson

Yay! I did it! Thanks for your patience, guys. Now it’s me on top of Yo Yo … mmmmm … mmmmm, yeah baby, yeah!
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:07 pm112uppity cracka

i don’t even care if ben shuts up right now. that’s how hungover i am.

kanye west. something about that guy makes me hate him. i guess he’s okay. it’s an album with a lot of 808 in it, i guess. who cares?

i’m gonna go home and write some white rap. i’m going to rhyme…

“i bought a gun in
minot, wisconsin
fucking a deer corpse
stuck in superior
superior,
superior, wisconsin
take the bong bridge in
take the high bridge in
to superior, wisconsin!”

hmm….didn’t work, this is why white people play guitar.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:09 pm113uppity cracka

if it doesn’t rhyme just
end the sentence with
son, shawdy, or nigga

johnson, when you’re telling a story try having a point. it makes it so much more enjoyable for the listener.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:22 pm114Yo Yo Ma Ma

cracka, Anne makes sense to me: She found herself on top of me, and naturally started thing about young studs.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:24 pm115Yo Yo Ma Ma

We need more emoticons: Afterglow, and Cigarette Smoker.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:28 pm116uppity cracka

disheveled, post-spontaneous-sex, did we just do that in the janitor’s closet emoticon…what would that look like?

we need crushing guilt emoticon, too. you know, for the catholics who occasionally post here.
on 12 Dec 2008 at 10:38 pm117anne johnson

There’s no drunken emoticon either.
This one looks a little stoned.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 1:53 am118Christian The Jew

Had to post again to spell it correctly nun…
Thank you for the heads up. Didn’t know I’d trashed anotherr keyboard…
on 13 Dec 2008 at 1:58 am119Christian The Jew

And yes cracka,
“Angel of Death” would be appropriate, but the
“Show no Mercy” and “Raining Blood” have a better sound quality for apocalyptic events.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 3:37 am120Ben

Come on Yo Yo. you have to post more so we can double-team Johnson.

meet you in the middle!

(where’s the emoticon for puking?)
on 13 Dec 2008 at 4:31 am121Gregoryno6

So kangaroos now own Australia. Tell you what, I’d rather be owned by a roo than a cane toad.
But frankly, God, Australia has taken enough of a smiting from Baz Luhrmann and his cinematic turd which borrows the name of my homeland. Couldn’t you have passed us over just this once?
on 13 Dec 2008 at 4:25 pm122Matt Leveillee

God wouldn’t use swear words. He doesn’t use swear words in the Bible, which is his word, even when he is extremely angry. God also would not spend/waste His time blogging. God would take a more loving and compassionate tone when speaking or in a blog instead of the sarcastic tone the author of this blog uses. God would not listen to death metal music. That’s for sure. God listens to his followers, people who want to go to church and worship him, worshiping him and singing. Not everything that is written in this blog is based on Biblical principles/theology. And I am offended by the claim that God would force someone to perform fellatio to follow Him. God created us with free will. It is our choice, each person’s choice, whether we will follow Him or not.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 4:37 pm123Josh

Matt,
I love how you assume to know what God thinks. I believe that is a sin mentioned in the Bible. You know the bible that says Damn and Ass in it.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 5:48 pm124Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m offended that Matt is so stupid and so not funny.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 5:56 pm125Ben

Matt,

I am so happy that you showed up and posted. Please post more. People getting offended like you do is what makes this blog so awesome.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 5:58 pm126Roark

Good post both Matt and Josh. Nun, it’s immature to call someone stupid when they are making arguments.

if you disagree, it would be far more effective to call him out like Josh did. and I agree with you Ben, having someone like Matt or Bridgette around makes this blog more interesting.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 6:02 pm127Nun Ur Damned Bizness

How the fuck did Roark’s post show up before mine and Ben’s when he’s replying to what Ben and I said? WTF?!

And I think Matt was trying to be funny, Roark. Which is why I said what I did. You’re just pissed that I called out your lack of pussy knowledge. Get over it.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 6:10 pm128Roark

I don’t know Nun. that was wierd. anyway, I don’t think he was trying to be funny, I think this one was sincere.

and you’re just pissed cause your vaginanus still hurts. get over it!
on 13 Dec 2008 at 6:14 pm129Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’ve already proven that your ability to think is not up to par with most of the males on this blog, Roark so I’m going to continue thinking that he was trying to be funny.
on 13 Dec 2008 at 7:53 pm130Roark

shutup, nun
on 13 Dec 2008 at 11:04 pm131creativecat

God loves more me than everyone else. That’s why I’m doing better under the crappy economy than everyone else. My business has gone UP since the economy went into the shitter. I love You too, God! Sorry I haven’t visited Your holy blog much lately, but You have kept me very busy with work. Thank You for that.

BTW, I think Master of Puppets should be your new theme song. Because You are the Master and we are the puppets. Actually, the whole Metallica trinity would make for excellent smiting music.
on 14 Dec 2008 at 1:40 am132Josh

creativecat,
Do you sell Spam? Spam sales are on the up up up!!!
on 14 Dec 2008 at 7:10 pm133Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wow! That was an impressive comeback, Roark.

Cat is either a manufacturer of Spam or video games.
on 14 Dec 2008 at 7:38 pm134Christian The Jew

She’s neither…. but I’m sure she’d succeed at either if given the chance…
She great with everything I’ve found so far…
on 14 Dec 2008 at 7:39 pm135Christian The Jew

…She’s….(damn this key board)
on 14 Dec 2008 at 7:41 pm136Christian The Jew

Matt,
how can you dispute what He writes, yet refuse to capitalize references to Him?
on 14 Dec 2008 at 7:52 pm137Ben

Has anyone noticed God gave us the more smiles we were asking for???

O:-) :bomb: :bunny: :camera: :bowl: :bye: :curse: :yinyang: :zombiekiller: :timeout: :tremble: :turtle: :victory: :vampire: :sarcastic: :rose: :reallypissed: :pumpkin: :-O :shout: :vomit: :vomit: :vomit: :vomit: :skeleton: :skywalker: :skywalker: :skywalker: :starving: :soccer: :soldier: :snowman: :-$ :nerd: :monkey: :island: :jump: :kissblow: :kiss: :lashes: :lying: :@: :male: :mean: :meeting: :cell: :-$ :fingersxd: :highfive: :hammer: :ghost: :footmouth: :flagus: :flagus: :flagus: :flagus: :disdain: :doctor: :drink: :idk: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drool: :eat: :evilgrin: :female: :female: :fighterm: :film: :fighterm: :coffee: :coins: :computer: :soldier: :soccer: :snowman: :snowman: :snowman: :snowman:

THANKS GOD! You’re cool.
on 14 Dec 2008 at 8:43 pm138creativecat

Nope don’t sell spam or video games. Although, I’m sure I could design either.
on 14 Dec 2008 at 9:47 pm139anne johnson

Who brags about how much better they’re doing in this economy? Maybe someone who sells condoms.

Ever occur to you, CC, that those of us who aren’t doing better don’t want to hear about how well you’re doing? Go ahead and thank God if you want, but be a little humble about it. Remember which god you’re praying to — the one who loves to SMITE.

Now go buy my kids some Christmas presents, Mr. Success!
on 14 Dec 2008 at 11:41 pm140...love Maegan

well, why shouldn’t we all endorse the rich getting richer? GOgod!
on 14 Dec 2008 at 11:41 pm141Josh

sour grapes Anne Johnson. Let CC brag all he wants on an internet blog. Most of the shit here is lies, except for what God Himself decrees. I think you should shower CC with praise so that maybe if he wants something *wink* *wink* from a middle aged white teacher druid woman, he might be will to pay top dollar.
on 14 Dec 2008 at 11:41 pm142...love Maegan

why don’t my effing blavatars work here? GOD!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 12:18 am143Evangelist Curtis

Well, it’s nice to know that not much changes in the ongoing banter of comments on this here divine blog.

Y’all missed me, didn’t you?

Well — I’ve been busy moving our laboratory to newly built digs. It ROCKS! (Thanks, God!)

That, and of course, I’ve been evangelizing for the Big Guy all over the State of Missouri and parts of Arkansas and protesting Prop 8. Preach it, brother, can I get an “AMEN”??
on 15 Dec 2008 at 12:19 am144Evangelist Curtis

Oh yeah, stupid job.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:05 am145Smoggy Batzrubble

What ho Americans. You can all put your small cocks away–Smoggy Batzrubble, the man with the meatstick is back. I’ll bet you missed me too didn’t you? (Hi Curtis–ya little tighty) In truth I’m not back for long. Acting under prophetic inspiration from God I am improving my fiscal position through direct action. I.E. I’ve stolen a flock of sheep–two thousand of them–and I’m driving them over the southern alps to Erewhon in the footsteps of the great kiwi hero McKenzie. And if you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about–well too bloody bad!

But don’t think I’m not taking notice. I noticed cracka has been talking about me to his wife (if you want a threesome you’ll have to wait till I’ve finished with my flock) and as for Ben–you poor little pencil dick–we’ll talk about who is God’s greatest disciple when He resurrects YOU from Scully hell and plants YOU back on sacred terra firma with a flock of comely ovines. Till then–keep on being a loser.

Yours in Christian love

Smoggy
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:06 am146Smog in Black

I’m back too.

Nun–I’m yours for $500 up front ($600 if you want it in back).
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:12 am147Smoggy Batzrubble

Hey Maegan, your avatar looks like a frozen nipple with teeth!

PS I love it when you say ‘effing’ it makes my smoggysnake feel all spurty.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:13 am148Smoggy Batzrubble

PS

paganannie, I just found a rusty staple between my teeth. One of yours?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:18 am149The Grim Reaper

Smog, since did you come back?

As for me, I’m unemployed and was before the economy started shitting through the eye of a needle.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:31 am150Smoggy Batzrubble

I come and I go reaper (literally and figuratively) and believe the informal economy (aka bare faced theft) is the most successful economic model.

You’ll never be unemployed as long as you’ve got sheeple to execute. Take my advice and gut and fillet a few extra in your neighborhood–you’ll soon find job opportunities opening up.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:03 pm151Yo Yo Ma Ma

Heya Smoggy!

How’s life? Getting ready for Father Christmas? (or perhaps a small marsupial, I dunno what you use for a holiday icon)
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:04 pm152Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, thank You for answering our prayers, and giving us more emoticons! :bashful:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:06 pm153Yo Yo Ma Ma

Welcome back, Curtis :pill: :doctor: , we all missed you. Except for maybe cracka. :reallypissed:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 3:56 pm154uppity cracka

:zombiekiller: :zombiekiller:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 4:08 pm155Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ninja doctors! :knife: :zombiekiller:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 4:09 pm156Yo Yo Ma Ma

I wonder, does The Unpleasant Jew ban Christmas?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 4:25 pm157uppity cracka

:drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink: :drink:

that’s what i had for dinner yesterday as i watched the vikings completely destroy the cardinals. of course, in true vikings fashion, they had to let them return a blocked field goal to set the all time record for most special teams touchdowns allowed. WE ARE THAT GOOD!!!!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 4:38 pm158Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Why did You succumb to the weenie wishes of man and provide all these faggy emoticons? Seriously, God. Emoticons are the bane of man’s existence. Soon words will be unnecessary as man can express his will and desires by simply posting a stupid, yellow face.

P.S. There seems to be an issue with the front page again. Microsoft is the bane of Your existence.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 4:39 pm159Nun Ur Damned Bizness

GOD DAMN IT!! What the fuck is this? That is not what that is supposed to look like. That doesn’t look angry at all!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:23 pm160Yo Yo Ma Ma

Cracka, I heard some weather report about Minnesoder, something about -40 F wind chill on Devil’s Point (or some such name)

That’s cold.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:23 pm161Yo Yo Ma Ma

WTF? All the emoticons are gone!

God, did You listen to Nun?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:30 pm162Yo Yo Ma Ma

Now they’re back.

Weird.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:32 pm163Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The emoticons are back. God may be trying to keep everybody happy. He really is concerned about His flock and shows us much love all the time. If you all weren’t such ungrateful heathens, you’d realize how kick ass God really is.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:49 pm164Ben

haha, yoyo can’t even figure out what thread we’re on.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:03 pm165Yo Yo Ma Ma

shut up ben