Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I AM FURIOUS TODAY! I will engulf Washington in volcanic fire and cast the entire blasphemous state back into the seas from whence it came!
Evil Atheist Sign Joins Nativity Scene
UNBELIEVABLE! How dare baby-eating atheists be allowed to express themselves?! Government property is the sole dominion of Me-fearing folk!
Here we have a lovely Nativity scene on display, depicting the birth of My Glorious Son whom I love with all of My Heart. And right next to it is a sacrilegious sign that states something so ludicrous and foul it makes Me foam at My Holy Mouth with rage!
So you can understand and become as angry as I am, here is what the wicked sign says:
“At this season of THE WINTER SOLSTICE may reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”
Let’s go through this insanity line by line so I can break down just how absurdly false it is.
“At this season of THE WINTER SOLSTICE may reason prevail.”
It’s not the season of the Winter Whatever. It’s CHRISTMAS. The very word has Christ in it. HE is the reason for the season, and HE has already prevailed by dying. Duh.
“There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.”
It’s true there are no gods plural, there is only one God. ME! I know for a fact that there is a devil, and he’s a jerk. There is also most definitely angels and a heaven and hell and I’ll prove it to you when you die.
“There is only our natural world.”
What nonsensical twaddle! There are trillions of other worlds both natural and supernatural that I, The Almighty Lord, have created. This just goes to show you what self-centered, egotistical freaks atheists truly are.
“Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”
WRONG AGAIN! Only the religions that don’t worship Me are myth and superstition. Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are all clearly legitimate religions that never brainwash people or cause them to fight with each other.
If you love Christmas and everything it stands for, I command you now to hunt down every last atheist you can find and burn them at the stake. Also, decapitate the governor of Washington for letting this happen.
I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
I’m with You, God.
Christmas celebrates the magic of
the baby Jesus coming into the world.
Either you “get it” or you don’t … if you don’t, you should just SHUT UP !
Love forever,
Tony
bill o’reilly was right! there IS a war on christmas. fuck!! i’m going to smite so many atheists today….oooooooh….i’m so righteously angry!!!
God, I returned all my kid’s presents and have maxed out my credit card buying Nativity scenes. I am placing them everywhere I can, especially on public official’s front lawns.
Hope this helps.
Go Cracka! Feel the burn!!
God, what are Your thoughts regarding Kwanzaa?
NY Police Officers accused of sodomy: Probe continues.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081210/ap_on_re_us/police_assault
Serious, God, this disgusts me, I pray and crave that Your Holy Wrath decend upon their heads.
Thank you for your help My loyal followers.
Yo Yo - I will speak on the subject of Kwanzaa on Dec. 26.
God, damn this was brilliantly written. I am an atheist, and this has convinced me to kill myself in your honor.
Thank You, God.
yo yo,
In NYC we’re all watching how this will go down. It’s obvious that the cops anal raped the dude with a baton then tried to cover it up and hide evidence, but it’s also obvious the victim is trying to get some loot. Is getting something stuck up your butt worth millions? I think this is a question for Nun to answer.
God,
My Lord, what are your thoughts on Boxing Day, Dec 26th? Also how to you feel about Jehovah’s witnesses? They don’t celebrate Christmas, but they follow everything in the New Covenant mentioned in You Holy Bible? They also go door to door to spread the word of Your glory and power.
Crap. I was hoping God wouldn’t find out about this.
I tried to fix this, God. I went down there under the influence of much of Your blessed chiba and promptly forgot what I was doing there in the first place so I spent my time running around naked and fucking all the guys. I hope there’s no pictures of that.
Josh,
The amount of money anal penetration is worth directly correlates with whatever object was inserted into the anal cavity. A baton on an unwilling partner should be worth a couple of million dollars. These new-fangled-worth-nothing dollars though. Not the dollars of 10 years or so ago.
Josh, what could have caused the cop to do this? Sounds like an idiot waiting for an accident.
Boxing Day - what does it mean? Box up the returns and schlep to the Mall?
When I was a kid, we had Jehovah’s Witnesses show up on our doorstep on Christmas Day. There we are, in the warm house, unwrapping presents, they are standing in the cold, their kids peeking around the adults to see us with our presents.
I hate JWs.
Nun, how much is penetration by cracka’s prick worth?
If you can’t even feel that you’ve been penetrated then it’s really not worth anything.
yo yo,
The cops in NYC do what they want. They beat people up, they harras people, they drive the wrong way on way way streets, they park on the side walk with civilian cars, they direct traffic while on their cell phones. Seriously, they think it’s the wild west.
Boxing day is a canadian holiday, basically it is the day you box up all your shit and take it back.
I grew up a JW, when I was about 8 a dude answered his door buck ass naked. His dick was inches from my eye. horrible.
roark, you have a keen sense of irony. i will no longer be attempting to murder you. josh, my wife grew up JW…you people are crazy.
what do you mean by “you people”?
Nun, maybe you should pay him. Check your pocket for lint, or spare change.
He means because you’re colored, Josh. No, Yo… I took his advice yesterday. That’s payment enough for a fucking cracka.
Did anybody notice the athiests posted one of God’s Holy Demandments? I think it proves that even the athiests believe in Our Heavenly Father.
“His dick was inches from my eye. horrible.”
And how many times has Nun said that?
many times, but without the “horrible” at the end.
Never. Dicks are beautiful creations bestowed on us by God Himself. Unless they’re thimble sized and then they’re just funny.
Jesus… a declaration and not a shout-out to God’s Divine Boy.
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Sex/sexpsych/sexual_fantasies/top10_female_sexual_fantasies.htm
nun,
out of the 10 there how many have you wished for?
Nun, how many have you done?!
This is the WINTER SOLSTICE, Godawful. Get over it! You’re such a johnny-cum-lately in the god business. No one knows whether or not your son was even a person, let alone when he was born. The Romans just tied his birth to Mithras so that everyone would have the same day off.
Xmas trees? PAGAN. Lighting up your house? PAGAN. Holding up candles at midnight and singing hymns? PAGAN! Your son’s just a convenient overlay. The real hero is the SUN. Comes back right on schedule, every year.
All glory, laud, and honor to the GREAT GODS AND GODDESSES! They have edible fruitcakes older than you, pansy-ass.
A solid 50%, Josh… maybe even 60%. And I will never admit to how many of them I’ve found myself engaged in.
Can’t speak for Nun, but that’s a damn good list.
Cracka,
Good. I will, however, still be attempting to murder you Mr. Minnesota.
It is a damned good list. My tummy feels funny whenever I read it.
You know what’s missing? Fucking the famous. We talk about it all the time here. Like I would so swoon over Beckham.
I would so fuck David Duchovny and Ewan McGregor and Samuel L. Jackson and Colin Farrell and Matthew McConaughey… well, I could go on and on.
josh, as if you need to ask, by “you people” i clearly mean fat fuck ching chong darky j-dubber retards.
roark, if you plan on murdering every white dude in minnesota…you’re going to be busy, maybe as busy as i was killing joshes in brooklyn that one week.
No, not every white dude in minny. Just you.
no one here calls it minny. so, you will be arriving from afar, bringing in weapons…and you will need many…so, you will have to arrive by road. i have the thick scandinavian blood to survive nights in the forests of northern minnesota. i am familiar with the landscape, available food sources. i can last for weeks with a hunting knife and a flint. you will be disoriented after a couple of nights tracking me in and out of ravines and thick brush. the sound of wolves on a moonlit night, the glowing eyes of the mountain lion, these are not the friendly environs you are used to…when i finally decide to dispatch you, you will be ready to go. you might even thank me.
last night the wind chill was a balmy minus 20 fahrenheit, roark. are you prepared for that? no, you will shiver to death when your urine freezes to your skin after you find the only temporary relief available is to piss yourself like a potty doll.
Roark,
all you have to do is leave a bottle of wiskey open in the woods and wait. Cracka can live off of the land, but he can’t live well. He’l lshow up friday night at 6 PM like clockwork to your “unattended” whiskey bottle. then you know what to do…..
Not that it was on the agenda, but I don’t think I’ll indulge in any sexual fantasies involving Minnesota.
Violate his anus with a big stick.
Anne Johnson,
You just don’t get it … SHUT UP!
Cracka,
Your overconfidence is your weakness.
You have no idea who I am or where I come from.
I will eat your heart with a spoon.
because it’ll hurt more, you twit!!
every second you spend in your office threatening e-violence i spend in the bush—getting stronger (chopping down atheist trees).
josh. damnit. the old whiskeytrap. it’s a sticky wicket, that one.
oh, johnson, minnesota is just like new jersey…except with less assholes…and pollution…and minorities…and italian american organized crime members…and shitty musicians like bon jovi…
I’m not in my office. I’m in your hospital right now typing this from my i-phone.
ha! then you are a fool! because i am standing right behind an androgenous, pink octagon typing on an i-phone and i am holding a syringe full of sedative!!
Nooooooooo!!!
what should i do with this unconscious imaginary person i just drug into the maintenance closet?? too bad curtis isn’t around, i could just tell him that roark is dead and walk away knowing the deed will be done.
hey look! someone left a bottle of jack in this here maintenance closet (gulp, gulp, gulp)…
Dammit, cracka, that was glass cleaner, not whiskey. Although, I know what brand you drink, the cleaner might be safer.
i don’t feel so good. maybe i’ll just knock myself out with this leftover seda-(zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
I’m so totally raping both their anuses.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-drool-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Allah Akbar!
Allah Akbar!
Allah Akbar!
Shut up, Ben. I’m anally penetrating Cracka as we speak.
wha? what’s going on? how’d i get hungover in the middle of the afternoon? why can’t i walk? NUN!!!!!DAMN YOU NUN!!!!! MY ANUS……………AGAIN!!!!!!!
heheh
I like men now!
You always did, Ben. Don’t pretend any different.
I would so fuck the boy at Starbucks.
Cracka, you just shared a needle and got it in the anus. Time for that AIDS test, my friend.
Hey!! I fucked him with a stick. Sticks don’t have HIV.
[...] God in the News: Atheist Sign December 10, 2008 — Skepdude CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES’ [...]
This is so fucking cute… and for a good cause. Buy for the sappy women in your lives. I bought the hat for my burro.
http://www.cafepress.com/gaws/780726
man cracka has taken up the ass so many times. Luckily for him it’s always in a drunk state so it’s not really a sin.
God sure must be honored to get into the septic blog news every day.
Roark must still be sleeping it off. When he wakes up, he’s gonna think he had a colon cancer screening.
#66: Teenaged Great Beast. Dad, can I have the car keys? I wanna go destroy the mall.
666: Forget it. The last time you used the car, you brought it back in perfect condition. Not a single dent! You’re a disgrace to the Beast family!
My favorite number. Time to hit the docks, get it on with those stevedores who’ve been working overtime. They got nice muscles. Nun, you should join me.
Nun is cranky and irritable. Being an independant female sucks around Christmas as she’s the one who has to put all this crap together and she’s the one who throws out her back trying to drag a desk up the fucking stairs. My legs and arms are still quivering and not because of some mind-blowing orgasm but because I’m a considerate parent who likes to get her little loser of a child nice things. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
Get the little loser started on his homework, sneak out, and join me at Hank’s on the Camden waterfront. No need to bring money. Just your pretty smile.
Nun, considering you told Ben to shut up, nothing is wrong with you.
Besides, those allah akbars of his give me the shits.
speaking of the shits, have you ever come home from work after having your asshole imaginarily reamed out by an imaginary dildo? try explaining that one to your wife.
the other night, as my wife and i enjoyed a nice glass of booze, i started recounting a tale of how funny it was when smoggy or yoyo or somebody FACED ben or nun or somebody. and she looked at me and said, “who the fuck is smoggy?” that’s when i realized that i have a place i go to everyday that my wife doesn’t know about. borderline creepy.
It’s not the story that’s borderline creepy, Cracka. It’s your wife’s husband.
Heh, I always drop work at the door, and don’t pick it up until I return the next morning.
Saves a lot of domestic violence calls.
I always smoke lots of God’s blessed chiba and then I don’t even remember what I did at work.
my wife’s husband is a little weird.
shut the fuck up, ben.
I think he’s a bit on the stupid side as well.
Boomerang FACE?
My arms are killing me. Sometimes I wish God had blessed me with manly, dykey arms.
You know I don’t agree with you very often Jehovah, but man burning atheists at the stake sounds fun…. I was equally displeased with the sign…
OK, I’ll bite: Why are your arms killing you?
Cracka, set up your wife on this blog. Don’t tell her who you are, let her ferret it out.
You son never closes the door behind him when he leaves. You’d think he was born in a fucking barn.
Jesus deserves respect and proper capitalization too, Thomas.
Yo,
My loser son who doesn’t try his best is getting a new desk for his birthday. I had to drag the fucking bastard desk up the stairs. I then put together a tv stand and based on the way my arms feel today, I need to work out more.
Nun, pushups are a good start. I’ll lay under you and give the count. We’ll be lucky if we make it past three.
You guys know what I just heard about last night?
That when a woman has a baby, it can rip her pussy so much that her pussyhole and her asshole become like, one hole. That blew my mind. They of course have surgery for that, but I was wondering what you call the one giant hole. Here are some suggestions:
Vaginanus
Pussyasshole
The Grand Canyon
Any other suggestions?
Roark,
Are you 12 or just cut off from females in general? Seriously, dude. That’s not news to most men who have some kind of experience with females.
Nun, Damned right! An’ proud of it, too!
Roark, Vaginastan
Nun,
I have plenty of experience. I happened to have never heard of it before and I do not think that strange.
Clearly, you suffer from this problem.
The Big Nun
Roark,
Say what you want to try to make yourself sound knowledgeable about the ladies but if you never knew that a big, fat baby head will actually rip the skin of a puss then you’re kind of stupid.
I do happen to be married Nun, and I knew that it rips the skin. I just never heard that it becomes one giant hole with the anus.
Again, the offense you have taken about this clearly shows you did not have the funds to repair yourself and you suffer still from massive vaginanus.
VAGINA FACE!!!
Why do you think I’m offended?
So, you know that it could rip and didn’t put your brain to the test and realize that it could rip all the way down? Does your wife discuss her body with you? Have you ever heard of an epesiomity?
And God claims His precious man is so smart.
MAN FACE!
Hey - we know about that shit.
We just don’t care.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ME!
Is it me?
It is me! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
As long as we’re talking about stuff that can happen to women, can someone explain to me how a guy pisses if his cock’s cut off? Like, do they make him a vagina or something?
JOHNSON FACE!
Yo,
You know about it, my burro knows about it and I’ll bet Cracka even knows about it. Anybody with a large cock can tell you that they have the ability to rip a pussy and a baby’s head is much larger than even the largest penis. It seems to me like it would be common sense if one put any thought into it, it’s just that most men don’t give a shit, like you said.
Rip a pussy, yes, that much is obvious. But to utterly destroy the taint altogether? That is another thing. I just find the thought of a giant combined pussyasshole amusing, that’s all.
Yeah, very amusing. HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, stop me before I laugh my ass off! I mean my pussy … oh, funny!
Not funny, Roark. You won’t be amused at all if it happens to anyone you love. Of course we don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore, so this sick discussion is FUCKIN POINTLESS.
I say we talk about tight pussies and big boners, all functioning normally. In other words, how’s everything today, Nun? Are your arms feeling better? Advil helps that.
I’d agree with Anne that a mutilated vagina isn’t really all that humorous. In truth, my son’s birth was extremely complicated and I almost lost my poor child until God realized he was a little loser who wouldn’t try his best and would be better off with his mortal mother. The fact that he was stuck and did in fact rip me up when he unstuck was inconsequential as he was so deathly ill. Even if he hadn’t been ill, I’m sure I still wouldn’t have laughed at my gaping hole that took over 20 minutes and over 200 stitches to repair, but Roark would have.
Now I’m going to go beat my child for fucking me up. My son thanks you, Roark.
now if that’s not funny, then nothing is. Tell him he’s welcome.
I will. I always make him thank me after an ass-beating. He won’t know who “Roark” is but I’ll add your name to the list.
You know what? If I could, I would shove my youngest daughter back in where she started out, no matter how much it hurt or how bad I looked afterward. She’s killing me anyway, I might as well feel pain about it.
I’m sure a sacrifice is in order and would be easily explained, Anne. Just tell people that you’re a witch and they will question no farther.
Not one but TWO mid-term failure notices. I’m not joking. Nun, is your kid this much of a loser?
Ah, yes! A human sacrifice! I’ve even seen the Chick tract that tells me how it’s done!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0058/0058_01.asp
Wait. Are we supposed to not like that big pumpkin head guy? He seemed pretty cool to me and he liked to par-tay.
Tracts used to give me nightmares when I was a wee one.
Yeah, he’s cool. But just now I’m staring whistfully at the panel showing the pretty young blonde being carried away for sacrifice by a bunch of mean druids. Damn. Where the hell are those mean druids when you need them? All the druids I know are nice.
Pumpkin Head, if you’re out there … I know it isn’t Halloween, but I’m tired of being called a douche just because I want my kid to be employable in the future!
Lucifer is still embarrassed by the whole taking over Heaven and turning into a fag thing but hopefully he’s lurking and will take pity on you.
Even a retard ching bot like myself knew about the ripped anus thing man. I don’t wish that on anyone.
they are quick to cut you now, as it is easier to stitch it back up.
In ten minutes my daughter would have Lucifer whimpering like a beaten mutt. He may reign over an eternal lake of torment, but she’s fourteen with attitude. Given the choice between my daughter and Hell, Stalin would swan-dive into the brimstone.
HA! That settles it. If a retarded chinky-chong knew about the ability of two holes to combine into one large hole then it’s obvious that Roark is married to a woman who is not anatomically correct or he just never bothered to check out how everything is situated down there. Or he’s really a 15 year old kid who’s embarrassed about his lack of knowledge about everything vajayjay and made up a wife.
well, I am newly married and somewhat young. at what age exactly should I have learned about this? because 29 is when I did. again, i knew that they rip of course from natural child-birth. i had just never heard that sometimes, this obliterates the taint altogether and leads to one massive vaginanus.
i also would not wish it on anyone I like.
but come on. vaginanus isn’t funny to you? try saying it three times fast.
and if that doesn’t work, then pull out the stick you got stuck up your vaginanus and lighten up.
Anne Johnson is right. I don’t want anywhere near that psychotic little biznatch.
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