Stuff God Hates

Dec 15th, 2008 by Jesus Christ

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to receive the Word of God, as written by your Lord and Savior, The Prince of Peace: Jesus The Christ!

Hello My children, Jesus here. I’ve been waiting all year so I could make this very clear once and for all – I frigging hate Santa Claus!

I’ve always hated him. Ever since that morbidly obese child molester first showed up a couple hundred years ago, people have forgotten all about Me on My Birthday. I never get any presents. Ask yourself, what would Jesus do if it was your birthday? I’ll tell you what I would do: I’d get you a fucking present.

I haven’t received a Christmas present in well over two hundred years, and it’s all because of that diabetic pederast Santa Claus.

That’s right, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about your old pal Santa. On Christmas Eve, he studies his list of ‘good boys and girls’ (the ones who don’t tell the cops when he fingers them) and then visits their homes to give them his ‘present.’ It’s just his penis, gift-wrapped with a bow. Then he makes them feed him and his reindeer and he bolts. No cuddling or anything.

Mrs. Claus left him years ago. She couldn’t handle his constant drinking. Santa drinks almost a gallon of cognac a day. And he smokes like a chimney. I don’t blame her for leaving him – how could any woman love someone so disgusting? Not to mention the fact that he’s lazy. Santa does nothing all year round except get drunk and gorge himself on baby reindeer meat.

Oh that, and he tortures his Mexican slaves. That’s right, Santa’s labor force of ‘elves’ are all just Mexican orphans he claimed and forced into working in his sweatshops. Of course, they don’t make toys. Mostly just sneakers that Santa sells to wholesalers in China.

So here we have this fat, racist, diabetic, alcoholic kid-toucher Santa Claus, and he’s managed to work things out so that everyone thinks he’s this great guy who gives everyone presents, when really he’s just sneaking into your house to rape your kids. And just to erase any suspicion of wrongdoing in case any kid does speak up about it, he also circulates rumors that he’s not real.

Well, I have had enough of that chubby bastard taking over and ruining My Birthday every year. Santa is no more! I have destroyed him. Starting this year and henceforth, it will be I, Jesus Christ, who rides a sleigh round the world to distribute the latest gadget-toys to people. Huzzah!

I’m hoping I’ll be more appreciated this way. Because obviously dying for your sins wasn’t enough.

Tags: Christmas, Jesus Christ, Santa Claus

Posted in Unbelievable Bullshit

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179 Responses to “#56 Santa Claus”

on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:54 pm1Roark

Santa Claus never makes me feel guilty like you do Jesus.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 4:40 pm2Josh

Looks like Jesus was Santa’s original one and only and when he went and got new kids to finger bang, someone got a little testy.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:15 pm3substitute teacher

Dying for sings is boring. Plain white robes are boring. What shopping mall is gonna hire you for photos with the tots? Grow up, Jesus. You’ve always got Easter. Oh wait. I forgot about the bunny.

Let’s find a fun holiday for Jesus. Mmmmm. Sorry. Drawing a blank.

Ever thought about switching to Druid, Jesus? May Day is great! We could fit you in somewhere.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:17 pm4Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Poor, Jesus. Santa has been stealing His thunder for so many years that he made Jesus forgot His real birthday.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:28 pm5uppity cracka

so, let me get this straight, you’re jealous of the guy who flies around molesting kids…so, now you are going to fly around molesting kids??? fuck, jesus, you’ve got SO many issues. this victim, messiah complex thing is now manifesting itself in deviant sexual behavior. GET SOME HELP, DUDE!!!!!!! sometimes praying really helps.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:31 pm6uppity cracka

as long as you’re handing out your pervy gadgets…nun needs a more smoothly textured rape-dildo. just ask roark…and me.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:34 pm7Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I have more smoothly textured dildos, Cracka but I’m not wasting them on your butthole.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:55 pm8Evangelist Curtis aka Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I never forget your birthday. I always sing O Holy Night to you. Don’t you ever listen?!?

This year, I’m going to get you a real present. It will be black and life like, come in a long box wrapped in birthday paper, and remind you of your dates with Lucifer. No need to thank me.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 5:57 pm9Evangelist Curtis aka Jesus

Oh, Anne, I almost forgot:

Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, capri blend vegetables (boiled beyond recognition), white gravy (the consistency of paste), and cheesy broccoli soup (basically fondue).
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:37 pm10Smoggy Batzrubble

Hey Son Of God,

Seeing as you’re the new go-to man for Christmas presents, I’d still like to have Sarah Palin served up on a plate, all crispy, with an apple where the sun don’t shine.

Son…Of…God
…S…O…G
…..Sog
…….Soggy
Soggy/Smoggy … Smoggy/Soggy….soggyyggoms…smoggyyggos

Do you see where i’m going with this Jesus? Fit an “M” in your initials and you could be the famous Smoggy Batzrubble. Isn’t that better than being a fat red fuck with terminal penis wilt? I mean let’s face it–right now you’re boring…a sanctimonious little prat…even a demon’s spiky rod up your back passage hasn’t loosened you up.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:45 pm11uppity cracka

(basically fondue)…gets me every time. never gets old—like telling ben to shut up.

shut up, ben.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:47 pm12uppity cracka

:beer: :beer: :beer: :beer:
going to lunch now.
somebody get my nap mat ready for when i get back.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:50 pm13Ben

Jesus, I hate Santa too. he raped me when i was a boy.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 6:51 pm14Ben

and yes, for all you cache refreshers, I am indeed Ben Affleck. You have all been insulting a world-class movie actor this whole time.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:19 pm15Jesus Christ

Roark - You should feel guilty.

Cracka - I never said I was going to molest kids! I’m going to be everything Santa says he is but isn’t.

Smoggy - why don’t you shutup you jerk.

Ben - Thank you for being brave.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:25 pm16Tony Snow

Jesus,

I think your Dad is already working on nailing Santa as part of the world econo-meltdown thang. After all, the jolly fat fag in the red suit is basically just a front man for the retailers …
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:25 pm17Smoggy Batzrubble

“Smoggy - why don’t you shutup you jerk.”

Hey wow Jesus–some emotion! That must be what they call the ‘Passion of Christ.’

Frankly I’m disappointed–you’d think the son of the Smitingest Bastard in all Eternity could run to a better line in insults.

Smoggy’s riposte: Why don’t you go blow yourself you resurrected corpse- (oh, that’s why…you’re already blowing Ben Asslick).
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:26 pm18uppity cracka

“world class movie actor”

shut up, ben affleck.

yoyo-hopefully you’ve found the right thread by now. and yes, a wind chill of 40 below on park point is not so rare. hell, it’s 30 below right now where i am. so what? just keep some whiskey in your pocket, you won’t even notice.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:29 pm19Smoggy Batzrubble

It’s 80 here–I’m working with the window open. Damn noisy cicadas…
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:31 pm20Yo Yo Ma Ma

cracka - yeah, I finally found the thread. How’d you know when a new one appears? I always bookmark the current one, then try to keep an eye on the ‘Recent Comments’ section on the right.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:33 pm21Yo Yo Ma Ma

Had an ice storm in the Northeast last week, knocking out my neighbour’s mains for awhile. I’m on solar power, so I turned on all the lights I had, just to piss ‘em off.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:44 pm22Thomas

Live far away, long white beards, keeping a list of who’s good and who’s bad with dubious offers of reward for good and bad behavior, generally believed in my children and not by educated adults.

Jesus, are you sure that Santa Clause and your dad aren’t the same guy?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:45 pm23Yo Yo Ma Ma

Damn, Smoggy, got room for a boarder?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:47 pm24Smoggy Batzrubble

Always room for you Yo–bring your own solar panels–plenty of sun here right now.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:47 pm25Smoggy Batzrubble

…and your first pick of the sheep
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:48 pm26Smog in Black

sick fuck
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:48 pm27Yo Yo Ma Ma

Heh, could use some sunlight! What should I pack? Do you have an extra set of sheep sheers?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 7:55 pm28Yo Yo Ma Ma

“and your first pick of the sheep”

Wow, I’m, I’m honoured! :male:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:02 pm29Smoggy Batzrubble

Yep…pack your shears if you prefer them au naturale (and your mint sauce if you prefer cutlets)
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:14 pm30Yo Yo Ma Ma

Hmmm… I do like mint sauce. If there’s any left over, how about a nice mutton stew?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:15 pm31uppity cracka

i just walked across the parking lot. i think i might have froze to death. i could be dead right now. not that hell sounds bad right now, anyway.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:17 pm32Yo Yo Ma Ma

In Norsk mythology, Hel is a cold place. Sounds like you are living there.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:18 pm33Nun Ur Damned Bizness

These emoticons are girlie. That looks so lame.

This one is pretty cool though :handcuffs:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:25 pm34Yo Yo Ma Ma

Did the cuffs bring back memories…of last night?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:38 pm35Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, I used the nylon straps last night. The cuffs are for hardcore playtime.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:41 pm36anne johnson

Smoggy, I swear by His Smitefulness that if you mention your sunshine and balmy temperatures one more time, I’m gonna clean your clock.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:57 pm37uppity cracka

your clock has never sparkled so much! if you mention the sunshine and warmth one more time, smoggy, i will sort out your sock drawer! i will prepare and file your taxes!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:58 pm38Smoggy Batzrubble

My clock’s out in the pool–having a swim to cool off.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:59 pm39Smoggy Batzrubble

who’d wear socks in this heat?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 8:59 pm40uppity cracka

:rainbow: jesus is gayer than a bag of dicks :rainbow:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:01 pm41Smoggy Batzrubble

Think I’ll go here for Christmas

http://www.hickerphoto.com/maitai-bay-karikari-peninsula-northland-nz-16512-pictures.htm
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:01 pm42uppity cracka

if you taunt us once more i swear that i will not rest until your driveway is resurfaced and you have a perfectly manicured lawn!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:02 pm43anne johnson

Too hot to fuck, eh Smoggy?

Dear Curtis: Eggplant parmesan, fresh steamed broccoli (not boiled beyond recognition, nice and crisp/tender), butterfly pasta, and home made pumpkin bread. I didn’t try the chocolate chip pie, but it looked good.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:03 pm44Smoggy Batzrubble

Never to hot to fuck in a warm lazy sea, annie
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:06 pm45anne johnson

Yep, you know you’re middle aged when you’re in a gym full of sweaty young jocks, and all you can think about is how much longer you have to stand there.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:06 pm46Yo Yo Ma Ma

Anne, it’s not his clock that needs cleaning…
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:06 pm47anne johnson

Off topic, sorry. Responding to Josh.

How do you herd your sheep into the sea, Smoggy?

(Just asking stupid questions while I fire up the taser.)
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:07 pm48uppity cracka

do go there for christmas, smoggy. that way i’ll know where to find you in order to give you a nice pedicure—–or MURDER YOU!!!!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:14 pm49anne johnson

I’ll buy the plane ticket for you, Cracka. And you know he’ll be a lot easier to find than Josh. Only about 10 people live in New Zealand, counting the seasonal tourists.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:22 pm50anne johnson

Now, Cracka, if you were trying to murder a specific sheep in New Zealand, you’d be SOL.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:23 pm51Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think we’ve discovered that Smoggy is as much of an ass as Creative Cat in that they like to rub their good fortune in the face of those less fortunate. Fuckers. I’d post that little grr emoticon that I love so much but it’s been replaced by a girlie emoticon that does not adequately express my grrness.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:25 pm52Yo Yo Ma Ma

But Smoggy can use his aboriginal bush skills to hide in the mountains. Or make a sheep costume. :laugh:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:29 pm53uppity cracka

smoggy has no aboriginal bush skills. he will be lounging on the beach with his sheep harem flaunting there sheared summertime christmas asses all around him, sipping on his christmas cocktail, tanning his christmas ballsack when i strike. he won’t see it coming. i’ll put on one of those fake dolphin fins and swim right up to him.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:31 pm54Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Why are you so into emoticons, Yo? I’ve generally found that most fans of emoticons are teenaged girls so I’ve always been perplexed by grown-ups who use them as frequently as the younger set. What’s the appeal, man?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:31 pm55uppity cracka

shit

*their, not there.

their sheared summertime christmas asses
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:32 pm56Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, it’s new, it’s here. Besides, I don’t want to piss off God.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:32 pm57uppity cracka

nun, if i may interject a supposition: the emoticons are fun because they are so campily stupid. it’s like wearing vintage clothes…are they ugly or are they cool? know what i’m sayin’?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:33 pm58uppity cracka

:airplane:

now i don’t have to say the word airplane!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:33 pm59Yo Yo Ma Ma

I’ll give up the new toy, as dissatisfaction with their limited range (where’s the dildo? Or a sheep? Or a sheep with a dildo?) sets in.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:35 pm60Yo Yo Ma Ma

What cracka said!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:40 pm61Nun Ur Damned Bizness

So, basically the love of emoticons is old fucks trying to be young again. Is that what you’re saying?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:46 pm62Yo Yo Ma Ma

No - it’s old fucks keeping their minds fun, youthful and elastic by trying new things, and not caring what other people think.

Hey - God did put in something for Smoggy! :sheep:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:48 pm63Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo said: “it’s old fucks keeping their minds fun, youthful and elastic by trying new things”

So, I was right then as that’s pretty much what I said.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:54 pm64Smoggy Batzrubble

Sorry did I miss much? So warm here–had to go and sit outside under an umbrella and have a couple of beers and a light lunch (crumbed calamari with lemon dressing, shoestring fries, green salad). You don’t want heavy food in this sort of heat.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:56 pm65uppity cracka

that’s it, smog!!!! consider your closets reorganized!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:57 pm66Smoggy Batzrubble

Nooooooooo…. don’t fold my underpants!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:57 pm67uppity cracka

yes, nun, that’s what it is. yoyo needs to try new things or he’ll slip irretrievably deep into demented old age.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 9:59 pm68uppity cracka

yeah, and i’m going to drop off your drycleaning and iron perfect creases into your formalwear!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:01 pm69uppity cracka

he put in something for me :liquor:
something for lucifer :goat:
and something for ben :poop:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:02 pm70Smogfreud in Black

You’re a sick fuck, cracka–you need help!

I worked with Dahlmer, Bundy and Bush…and you’re right up there with the worst of them.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:02 pm71uppity cracka

and something for nun’s vagina
:drool: :drool: :drool: :drool:
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:04 pm72uppity cracka

that’s right, smogfreud. and just when he can’t take anymore…i’m going to recaulk his bathtub!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:05 pm73Smogfreud in Black

Is that before or after you recaulk nun’s ghastly gully?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:08 pm74catmantoad

chiba cock pussy
penis vagina druid
God fuck gay ass face
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:09 pm75Smogfreud in Black

One of your better ones cmt
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:09 pm76Nun Ur Damned Bizness

WTF
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:12 pm77Yo Yo Ma Ma

catmantoad, where’d you find that strange picture?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:16 pm78Yo Yo Ma Ma

Smoggy, the sun set a little after 4PM, it’s drizzling, and about 40° F (about 4°C) here. cracka’s freezing his ballcocks off. Dunno about the Great Northwet, Nun’s turf.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:17 pm79catmantoad

Just Google my friend
Baal on Wikipedia
He’ll be the demon
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:18 pm80Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The Great Pac Northwest has been smited by God. I tried to have sex last night but my vagina was frozen and shattered. I’m really sad now.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:20 pm81Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yeesh, cmt, the full-sized illutration is even creepier!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:22 pm82Baal

something about the legs …
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:26 pm83Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I like it better when you post with that cute picture of that guy from Stargate whatsitmacalled.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:28 pm84Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yeah - I thought they were a ruffle or something on your gravatar.

If I saw that thing in my yard, I’d shoot it.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:31 pm85uppity cracka

how wonder how many unfortunate souls have been shot in yoyo’s yard?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:31 pm86Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’re brave. I think I’d kick it into my neighbor’s yard and pretend I never saw it.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:31 pm87Smogfreud in Black

If I saw cracka’s thing in my yard i’d shoot it
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:34 pm88Josh

Smoggy,
You’re a sharp shooter now?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:34 pm89Yo Yo Ma Ma

cracka, all I need is a shotgun and a shovel. But to save time, I had a contractor dig a long trench - saves my back!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:34 pm90Yo Yo Ma Ma

LOL, Josh, I was waiting for Nun to make a comment…
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:37 pm91Smogfreud in Black

Heh… I think the operative word is IF Josh.

IF I saw cracka’s thing I’d shoot it–a big IF for a small thing
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:40 pm92uppity cracka

josh-88

FACE!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:40 pm93Smoggy Batzrubble

microscopic thing
shrunk to nothing by the cold
less than nun’s nipple
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:41 pm94Smoggy Batzrubble

actually I think nun’s nipples are huge thanks to the weights she hangs off them
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:41 pm95uppity cracka

you couldn’t hit my dick with the side of a barn!!!!!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:42 pm96uppity cracka

it took me about 90 seconds to find the frown emoticon.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:42 pm97uppity cracka

i bet johnson’s lurking for the century quickening.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:43 pm98Smoggy Batzrubble

about how long it takes you to find your dick
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:43 pm99Smoggy Batzrubble

ha ha ha
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:43 pm100uppity cracka

there can be only one!
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:43 pm101Smoggy Batzrubble

Paganannie is stapled to her chair
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:44 pm102uppity cracka

there can be only one
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:44 pm103Smoggy Batzrubble

only one pencil-dick
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:45 pm104Smoggy Batzrubble

…with a stutter
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:46 pm105uppity cracka

hmm…i’ve been penis FACEd by josh and smoggy.

i vow my revenge.

you two will find elaborate fruit baskets on your kitchen tables in the morning along with very, very clean clocks.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:47 pm106uppity cracka

spotless clocks.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:48 pm107uppity cracka

now, to get to the liquor store before it shatters into a million little frozen booze-cicles.

that’s a legitimate threat here.

ben, shut up.

the rest of you may fuck off.
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:49 pm108Smoggy Batzrubble

how about cockless splots?
on 15 Dec 2008 at 10:52 pm109uppity cracka

cockless splots are indigenous to NZ. we had one here but yoyo shot it.

now……….fuck off.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 12:00 am110Baal

I’m dreaming of a
White Nun ……
on 16 Dec 2008 at 12:09 am111Baal

… bouncing up and down
on my “candy cane”
on 16 Dec 2008 at 12:27 am112anne johnson

I’m not stapled to my goddamn chair! I was downstairs baking cookies for my NOT-CreativeCat friend who might lose her house because she broke her fuckin elbow!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 12:28 am113anne johnson

Baal, bragging about a candy cane is … ummm. I’ve never seen one that would do the job, if you know what I mean.

Except those plastic kind that they stuff Hershey kisses in.

No, not even that! Whoa, Annie. Have another pill!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 12:29 am114anne johnson

PS to Baal: I’ve linked God to my blog.

And to Smoggy: I’m going to baby-sit your children while you and The Mrs. go out for a romantic dinner. Can you gather in a few kittens and some firewood?
on 16 Dec 2008 at 12:50 am115Smoggy Batzrubble

No kittens–but you’re welcome to barbecue the dog.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:17 am116Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ll ride Baal’s candy cane. He’s super cute.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:22 am117anne johnson

Nun, did you know that Baal is God’s firstborn son? Maybe that’s why he’s nice-looking.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:31 am118anne johnson

Smoggy, I was planning to barbecue your children while playing with the kittens. You know how we Druids are about our human sacrifices. We would never hurt a cute little kitten.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:35 am119Nun Ur Damned Bizness

If Baal is built like his Divine Father then he has a super-huge cock which makes me like him even more.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:29 am120Smoggy Batzrubble

I know what you were planning paganannie–but do you really believe any children of the heroic and world-renowned sheepknapping Smoggy Batzrubble would be bested by a saggy old Druish whorekeeper? Take the dog and consider yourself lucky…

…and I know you only mentioned kittens because you’re old pussy is desperate for a length of smoggymeat. Well keep on dreaming!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 4:50 am121catmantoad
on 16 Dec 2008 at 5:20 am122God

I have decided to get rid of those new emoticons because they were gay and too small for your human eyes.

If anyone has a problem with this I swear to Me I will smite you by turning you into one of Smoggy’s sheep!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 5:56 am123The Grim Reaper

And yet nobody mentioned that Satanus was in fact Santa Claus all along. I’m surprised Jesus.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 6:10 am124Nun Ur Damned Bizness

YES!! Now I can properly express my grrness again! God has made me so happy.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:47 am125anne johnson

Thanks, Jealous! I like these better too!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:48 am126anne johnson

I wouldn’t throw Smoggy meat to the snapping turtles in the neighboring pond.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 1:43 pm127Yo Yo Ma Ma

Santa=Satan.

Discuss.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:00 pm128Ben

wow…I hate to have to say it God…but your Divine Blog really has …evolved over time….for the better! of course for the better. its been interesting to watch.

I think you made the right choice on the emoticons.
I also love the black background you finally settled on. It looks cool and my eyes thank you.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:34 pm129Jesus Christ

YoYo, I never thought about that! All of a sudden it seems so clear!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 2:57 pm130Yo Yo Ma Ma

Which brings us to a confusing point: Were you ass-raping yourself, last month? I’ve been told to go fvck myself many times, but thought becoming a hermaphrodite and enjoying sexual self-union impossible…
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:02 pm131Josh

Jesus,
How could you not know that? Didn’t both their penises taste the same?
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:07 pm132Jesus Christ

FUCK YOU JOSH!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:10 pm133Josh

Jesus,
I’m not judging you. Just saying, you might be happier if you just came out. I know a lot of cute gay dudes in NYC, they would be more than happy to show you the ropes (and their ropes).
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:23 pm134Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Don’t be hatin’ Jesus.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:25 pm135uppity cracka

there are plenty of rope shows in new york, jesus. you’ll be happy there. like that guy on “brain candy”.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:49 pm136Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, no, one tasted of brimstone, the other a candy cane (and had red and white stripes, too!)
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:55 pm137Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Just how do you know that, Yo?
on 16 Dec 2008 at 3:59 pm138Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Are You in the midst of a UK smiting?

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/75741/Killer-virus-grips-Britain
on 16 Dec 2008 at 4:23 pm139uppity cracka

beautiful…a projectile vomit smite. well done, Sir.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 6:40 pm140Smoggy Batzrubble

Ahhh… norovirus. One of your truly obscene creations God. Very well done! Although it’s a bit hard on the Brits when you’ve already smited them so hard (by making them British.)

PS I’ve got a special sheep pen set up for any of your smitees. We’ll dock them, shear them, drench them, and then turn them in with that massively-hung ram I’ve been dosing with sheep-viagra. That should loosen them up a little before dinner. (could you send cracka first?)
on 16 Dec 2008 at 7:13 pm141uppity cracka

you’re freakin’ windows are going to have an amazing streak free shine, smoggy…just warning you.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 7:21 pm142Josh

does anyone else here think it sounds like the flu? man up you british pussies!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 7:35 pm143Smoggy Batzrubble

It’s not flu–it’s N…O…R…O…V…I…R…U…S.

It’s hyper infectious and once it gets into a hospital and takes over, there’s no choice but to close down until the infection is over. The lesson is–always wash your hands (especially after you’ve had them up a sheep’s bottom). See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norovirus

I live in NZ cracka–we’re a small third world country and none of our windows have glass.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 8:31 pm144uppity cracka

then i shall install them.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 8:43 pm145uppity cracka

sinister window installation
on 16 Dec 2008 at 8:50 pm146Smogfreud in Black

cracka’s reaching crisis point. Soon he will go on a rampage–slaughtering all women with one breast larger than the other
on 16 Dec 2008 at 9:04 pm147Josh

smogg,
that’s ALL women!!!! (Except Asian women with size 0 boobs)
on 16 Dec 2008 at 9:34 pm148Smogfreud in Black

Ummm–yeah, that’s a worry isn’t it. Cracka will be very busy.

I wonder why there’s a size difference. I think it is something I may devote the rest of my life to investigating. Maybe God will know–although last time I asked Him a question I came close to getting smited.

Hey Nun–you there? Which of your luscious funbags is the biggest? What about you paganannie? Which of your druish mammaries hangs heaviest upon you?
on 16 Dec 2008 at 9:39 pm149Nun Ur Damned Bizness

My left, Smog but I don’t see how that’s any business of yours, you fucking pervert.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 9:43 pm150Josh

Nun,
you’re left handed?
on 16 Dec 2008 at 9:57 pm151Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Sometimes. It’s easier to hold with my left and diddle with my right.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 9:59 pm152Smogfreud in Black

Heheh…my meatstick curves to the left. Looks like we’re a match nun (you naughty Sister of CUMpassion, you). Just for that, I’ll drop my fee. You can have the experience of a lifetime with Smoggystud for only $200. Better hurry and avoid the rush.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:02 pm153Josh

the rush to the clinic.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:05 pm154Smoggy Batzrubble

No…no…the rush to the holding pens. That’s where the flock assembles when it’s time to play hide the sausage.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:38 pm155Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thanks but no thanks, Smog. If I want a sheep STD I can just go see the local country yokels for free.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:38 pm156Josh

I meant to say the rush to the vet.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:44 pm157Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, it is the rush to the pens, Josh. How do you think Smog fucks all those sheep? You don’t really think they’re willing participants, do you? Obviously they must be cornered in a holding pen while Smoggy rapes their poor little tender backsides. Smoggy is a sheep raper.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:54 pm158Smoggy Batzrubble

You’re so harsh to me Nun. I’m a kind and considerate lover, and much sort after… why the hostility? You used to want me so badly…
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:55 pm159Josh

agreed, but my logic is this: he is a sheep raper, therefore any sheep would be willing to give you cutsies. So for a willing rapee, there is no rush or wait.

Now after Smoggy has done his thing, the line for free sheep abortions and sheep penicillin is out the door.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:55 pm160Smogfreud in Black

You’re a lying pervert crapstubble–the sooner God sends you back to hell the better.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 10:57 pm161Smoggy Batzrubble

…sought after…sought after…

And you can take your pseudopsychoanalyticpseudophilosophicalpseudohumorous bullshit and fuck of, dogfreud
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:01 pm162Nun&Smoggy4Eva

Strangers in the night
Exchanging fluids
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:03 pm163Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t pay for my lovers, Smoggy dear. Cum see me again when you realize you’re not worth charging for.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:08 pm164Smoggy Batzrubble

Everyone pays in one way or another nun–no exceptions.

Even God paid when He banged up Mary–have you seen the adolescent whinge at the top of this page. Who’d want to be a father to that sad self-pitying little fucker?
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:14 pm165Smogfreud in Black

Look carefully at nun’s post, students. While refusing to pay Batzrubble for sex, she does not, in fact, rebuff him or demand money, but suggests he ‘Cum see’ her again. Clearly she is desperately infatuated with the sheepfucker and maddened by desire for him, and only her ‘cool and distant’ persona adopted for this blog prevents her from throwing herself, moaning, at his feet. In short, she is ripe and juicy for Batzrubble’s meatstick.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:19 pm166anne johnson

God is smiting New Jersey with sleet. But that’s okay. I’m planning to upgrade the electric circuitry in Smoggy’s house and finish his basement.

Right tit. Just checked. And damned firm for a broad my age. Don’t need no fuckin underwires in this house.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:22 pm167anne johnson

Geez, Smoggy, get a grip! If you looked like Nun candy, you’d post your picture with your comments. It’s not just the meat, it’s the presentation.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:22 pm168Smogfreud in Black

Don’t accidentally rewire your underwires…

…on second thoughts, that sounds like fun–it would certainly get your boobs bouncing
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:23 pm169anne johnson

SLEET PELTING THE WINDOWS! FUCK!
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:23 pm170Smogfreud in Black

If I looked like Nun candy I’d be a cracka!

Get it! Christ crispies!

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:23 pm171anne johnson

Don’t even say it, Smoggy.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:24 pm172Smogfreud in Black

Really hot here…I’m going for a stroll in the sun.

Byeeeee
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:24 pm173anne johnson

I don’t get it.
on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:25 pm174anne johnson

Bye bye, Smoggy dear. Too bad you used all your sunscreen as sheep lube.
on 17 Dec 2008 at 1:26 am175anne johnson

I guess you wear one of those retarded bush hats.
on 17 Dec 2008 at 1:30 am176anne johnson

Sometimes you don’t need God to smite you. Sometimes your fuckhead parent does quite well on his own, thank you very much.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081217/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hitler_cake
on 17 Dec 2008 at 5:07 am177Ben

I think it’s hilarious how the father tries to explain away why hie named his kid Adolf Hitler.

“I just liked the name and no one else would have it.”

what a fucking retard. to thine own self be false.
on 17 Dec 2008 at 5:28 am178Nun Ur Damned Bizness

The daughter with the name “Aryan Nation” kind of gives away their motivation and intentions. I’m sorry but I don’t buy that they’re not racists.
on 18 Dec 2008 at 10:47 am179Gregoryno6

So Jesus, how long till this guy’s in your sights?
http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g266/paulthomasno6/0170.jpg