Stuff God Hates

Nov 17th, 2008 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Today I, The Almighty Lord, would like to talk about the evilest place on earth – Disney World.

Disney World was created by a greedy fascist, is run entirely by anal-loving queers, is populated by satanic singing robots, and is visited by hordes of depressed peasants.

I hate Disney World and I have always wondered, why is it necessary? Is the world that I have created not good enough for you ungrateful sods? It is as if you have tried to create your own pathetic little version of Heaven on Earth. And while getting to Disney World is almost as expensive as getting to Heaven, I assure you that Heaven never has any lines and is never sticky and hot. Heaven also has a way better selection of roller-coasters.

Fat people love Disney World.

No, Disney World bears a much closer resemblance to hell - always burning hot and always overcrowded with disgusting fatties.

In design and function it is so similar to hell, there is no doubt in My Mind that Satan partook in the creation of Disney World. It is meant to distract humans and make them happy without Me, and it uses a constant barrage of magical midgets and supernatural homosexuals to do so.

Just look at the different parks they have there. ‘The Magic Kingdom’; it has blasphemy right in the name! Magic is inherently Satanic! Only I, and My Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, who are all One Person, are capable of performing any supernatural feats such as appearing as fire or walking on water or destroying the world.

Then there is Epcot, which celebrates the technological and scientific achievements of mankind. Sin! Sin! Pride-sin! I WILL SMASH YOUR STUPID SCIENCE BRAINS INTO MUSHY BITS!

At Epcot, they go so far as to have that smarmy bitch Ellen Degeneres and Bill Nye the science jerk teach children about dinosaurs and evolution. I tell you, they are practically begging Me to destroy the place with a volcano.

There is also ‘The Animal Kingdom.’ Again, the blasphemy is right in the name. This clearly violates what I declared in My Book; man shall rule over the animals. They shall not have their own kingdom. In this park, there are areas representing both Africa and Asia. Although I will say the rollercoaster in Asia was decent, the Disney people are clearly trying to piss Me off.

There were also some other parks, I’m sure they were all blasphemous and evil in their own right – but I didn’t have time to visit them all.

Anyway, if all that’s not enough, at Disney World, they actually tell humans that it’s a place where all their dreams and wishes will come true! LIES! Hear Me, and hear Me well mortals: your dreams will not come true there. Unless your dream is to pay twice as much for rice with shrimp poo and get blisters on your feet.

And that’s another thing! On My recent exploratory visit to the most blasphemous place on Earth, I was enraged to hear a recorded announcement tell the masses (after a paltry display of fireworks), that Disney “hopes all your dreams come true.”

Oh really? You just can’t encourage humans that way! What if their dream is to assassinate the president?! Or conquer and enslave all of Europe?! Disney supports those dreams.

I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.

Tags: Anal, Disney World, Evil, Overpriced

Posted in Earth

Print This Post

159 Responses to “#53 Disney World”

on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:05 am1God

I COMMAND YOU MORTALS TO SPREAD THE WORD OF ME.

Use the ‘print this post’ feature to print this post, or any other you like, and leave it in public places such as coffee shops, church foyers, and bathroom stalls.

DO THIS OR DIE.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 6:17 am2The Grim Reaper

God, do You also hate every other facet of the evil Disney empire of Satanus such as the other Disney theme parks, the Disney channel, and Hannah Montana?
on 17 Nov 2008 at 2:38 pm3Ben

excellent God. I have already printed out 10 copies of your science article and will spread them around today.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 2:38 pm4Christian The Jew

Sucks to hear God. Haven’t been there in years, but I’m glad. The place constantly smells like “Fried Something”.
It may be the fat people…
Anyway, sharing Your accolades throughout the Facebook. Will have to share some more.
Glad You are back.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 2:39 pm5Anonymous

Dear God, I love this blog. Help me to be a better follower of You. Thank you.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 2:39 pm6Border Explorer

Dear God, I love this blog. Help me to be a better follower of You. Thank you.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 3:09 pm7Josh

God,
The picture of the fattie You posted: her camel toe is beyond.

God perhaps next time You can take the divine family to the place in Virginia, Busch Gardens and enjoy the beer and large assortment of candy.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 3:11 pm8anne johnson

I will never lay eyes on that place, so help me Gods!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 4:14 pm9Yo Yo Ma Ma

Like Martin Luther before me, I have printed out this post and nailed it to the church door. Unlike Luther, I was harrassed by the preacher, who called the cops.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 4:15 pm10Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, was that camel toe, or her disgusting prolapsed belly?
on 17 Nov 2008 at 4:28 pm11Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That’s not camel toe unless there’s something seriously wrong.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 4:30 pm12Evangelist Curtis

Dear God,

Even worse - Euro Disney. It’s FILLED with French people which makes it even more unbearable. You should try Cedar Point in Sandusky Ohio.

Anne: “Homemade” spaghetti with meat sauce, capri vegetable blend (basically broccoli and cauliflower boiled beyond recognition, garlic bread, chicken rice soup, banana cream pie.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 4:37 pm13Josh

technically it’s FUPA: Fat upper pussy area.

either way I’d never
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:01 pm14Yo Yo Ma Ma

I would never even do it with cracka’s.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:03 pm15Yo Yo Ma Ma

She looks disgusting, like the Sta-Puf Marshmallow Man on estrogen.

Question for the day:
Whay is the Michelin Man white? He’s made of tires!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:08 pm16Evangelist Curtis

I find it extremely sad and alarming just how fat the USA is now-a-days. It really is an epidemic.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:09 pm17Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yes, it is. Not a treat to go to the beach and see all the whales - of all sexes.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:12 pm18Yo Yo Ma Ma

Combining fatties and DisneyWorld: I heard that Disney had to rebuild the “It’s a Small World” ride. Apparently, the boats were going aground due to overweight people. So they’ve made deeper channels or something.

Dunno if it’s true, but how embarassing: “Sir, we need you disembark this ride, as your fat body sank the boat!”
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:17 pm19Josh

re: small world ride. yes Yo Yo, that is true. I had a crappy joke about it, but that about a year and a half ago.

Curtis,
The bookends of the US (Cali and NY) are getting thinner and in shape but middle america is look pretty bad. I base that on no scientific fact, just my idiot opinion, but I’m gonna O’Reilly it and say it loud enough that people believe it’s true.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:19 pm20Ben

God, I taped your science post to the bathroom stall door at work, and went and checked and it was already written on. somebody wrote “hell yes” on it. i found this strange as i am apparently the only person who doesn’t bring a pen to the shitter.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:24 pm21Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, I am banned from the “It’s a Small World” ride for life - I thought it was some kind of shooting gallery.

Sad, to think we’re getting so fat. I wonder if it affects the armed forces? Do they have to run a recruit through Fat Camp before Boot Camp?
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:27 pm22#53 Disney World « Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptic blogs of the day

[...] #53 Disney World November 17, 2008 — Skepdude CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES” [...]
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:50 pm23The Happy Pagan

Walt Disney was Canadian. And Canada rocks. Please don’t tell me that God hates Canada.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:51 pm24Ben

of course God hates Canada!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 5:52 pm25Ben

God hates everything, duh. but you wouldn’t know that cuz you’re a pagan.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 6:03 pm26anne johnson

I’m a pagan, and God hates me!

Curtis: peanut butter sandwich, apple, TaB cola. The Vo-Tech didn’t call this morning.

My oldest daughter graduated from high school last spring, and the senior class trip was to … yeah. That place.

My daughter didn’t want to go. She said that the only part of Disney World she would ever want to see are the tunnels under it.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 6:11 pm27Evangelist Curtis

Anne: I ended up going to Subway.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:09 pm28Ben

in regards to that fat lady picture:

whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk up in that everywhere
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:24 pm29Josh

well played Benjamin, well played.

as much as we are all focusing on her dunlap pussy flap, no one mentioned her left arm and the ham hock that dangles down. There are so many things wrong with that picture it’s scarey. Why would a clothing manufacturer made a spandex type pant in that size and in that color. she looks like Grimace .
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:36 pm30Yo Yo Ma Ma

We should be wary of that ‘fat lady’. ‘She’ is actually an animatronic robot, piloted by two midgets from the Israeli Small Tank Corps.

Those size ‘DDDDDDD” mams are actually covers for tactical nuke missile silos! ‘She’ wanders around, bovine look on her face, but inside, the Israeli agents are performing electronic surveilance. Data is uploaded several times a day.

It gets hot inside all that flab, so they command the fat wagon to stuff a lot of icecream down her pie hole.

Normally, they get in and out through a hatch hidden in one of the many belly fat rolls.

I leave it to your imaginations to find the emergency exit.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:40 pm31Evangelist Curtis

We have an employee on staff who is almost that large herself. She has a designated handicap parking space because she can hardly move, yet she keeps eating and eating. What’s even worse is that she is the secretary to the physical therapy department which is constantly (supposed) to be stressing healthy living choices.

It’s quite sad, in my opinion.

Hey! Do you suppose this is a snapshot of Bridgette???
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:41 pm32Yo Yo Ma Ma

Maybe - if she’s wearing a cross, it’s well hidden.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:45 pm33Yo Yo Ma Ma

I used to work in construction with a man almost that large. He’d bring an entire cooler filled with food, eat it all, the complain that his weight kept going up.

We hated going up on scafolding with him, afraid either it would collapse, or he would!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:45 pm34Josh

she actually is wearing a whole nativity scene.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:47 pm35Yo Yo Ma Ma

LOL!

Well, that explains the camel toe…
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:48 pm36Josh

have you guys seen the commercial for “Ruby”?

http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/index.jsp

I think giving a person a show because they are fat is not a good thing for America.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:54 pm37Josh

i used to work with a dude who was bigger than her. Once he left me a VM and did not hang up the phone when he finished talking. I had a 5 minute message of him eating potatoe chips. Needless to say I forwarded it to everyone.

He also used to fall alseep while taking a shit. People would have to go in the bathroom and bang on the stall.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 7:57 pm38Ben

hey Josh, what did you think of this post? besides the fat lady picture.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:00 pm39Yo Yo Ma Ma

I used to work with a guy like that. He’d come back from a two hour porcelain cruise with marks on his (face) cheeks where he’d rested his head on his hands.

There’s nothing more disgusting to me than listening to someone eat while trying to have a phone conversation. Can’t imagine a recorded version!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:12 pm40anne johnson

Style Channel … wow. I think they’re the ones who do “Bridezilla,” where they follow around the bitchiest gals/dudes as they prepare to get married. I watched a marathon of that while I was recuperating, and it cracked me up.

God, did you snap the photo of “Maxi Mouse” yourself, or did you find it online?
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:12 pm41Josh

I am not one to question God’s divine plan, but this post needs more hate; like Boyscouts or Dead Soldiers, or even Anal.

But what the fuck do I know? God has his own site and gets a hella amoutn of hits. It’s also a little bit out of character, I mean God is acting like he just found out about Disney World and questioning it’s origin (I am sure Satan had something….), God knows all these things already! He’s GOD!!!!!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:18 pm42Evangelist Curtis

I definitely think God should seriously consider hating the Mormons more. Magic underwear?!? Prop ? WTF? Perhaps we can send all the Mormons to Disney World and then He can give it one hell of a smiting.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:34 pm43Josh

Curtis,
you aint say nothing but a word:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy0d1HbItOo

my guess is you grew up Mormon. I think God should make all Mormons black.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:35 pm44Josh

NEGRO SMITE!!!!!!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:38 pm45Ben

haha! cracka is no longer around! I WIN!

PS - vikings blow
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:48 pm46Josh

both cracka and Nun are missing, i think their online hate is fueled by off line lust.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:53 pm47Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Nun hates doctors.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 8:57 pm48Josh

the resident MILF returns.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:00 pm49Ben

i think God hated on Disney World purty good. definitely lots of hate there. but you’re right, it lacked a certain evil quality we love. God hasn’t crossed any major lines in a while. he needs to bring the fucked up back.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:03 pm50Josh

God brings it, and He does not apoligize to us stupid mortals for His hate.

Pastor asks people to repent for voing for Barack!
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/11/17/nastasi.sc.priest.controversy.wspa
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:03 pm51Josh

Nun,
this Jon Stewart link is for you

http://gawker.com/5091116/singing-jew-jon-stewart-is-the-highlight-of-a-colbert-christmas?autoplay=true
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:04 pm52Yo Yo Cracka

STFU, Ben!

Sorry, Ben, but before cracka passed out, he scrawled me directions on the back of one of the prescription forms he stole from his doctor.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:05 pm53Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dude!! I’m with everybody else, he can fucking sing!! I wish Jon Stewart would come kiss my doctor inflicted boo-boos away.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:10 pm54Evangelist Curtis

Stuff Nun Hates: me.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:10 pm55Evangelist Curtis

Only my gravitar is smiling on the outside. On the inside, I’m crushed and now hollow.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:11 pm56Evangelist Curtis
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:13 pm57Nun Ur Damned Bizness

If you’re one of the doctors that comes at me with needles then I’m not full of love for you right now. Sorry.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:17 pm58Evangelist Curtis

Nun, whahappen?
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:18 pm59Josh

oh Nun,
if cracka was here, he’d just on you post.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:19 pm60Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Curtis,

I’m fucking old!!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:20 pm61Yo Yo Cracka

Wassamatter?
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:20 pm62Evangelist Curtis

I can see that you are in a rather not so nice mood. So. I’m not going to press but just send happy warm thoughts your way.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:21 pm63Josh

Nun,
you’re 40 (based on the Gilliam Anderson comments) that aint old. I’d bang you both while screaming “I want to believe!!!”
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:30 pm64Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, I ain’t really old and I don’t feel old but I have some hypertension issue that just doesn’t want to be controlled. Stupid blood pressure.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:33 pm65Josh

Well as a guy who watched a lot of episodes of CSI and ER before it sucked, I prescribe more sex.

seriously though, working out helps BP on so many levels.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:35 pm66Yo Yo Cracka

Odd - pot use is supposed to reduce blood pressure.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:37 pm67Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It is fucking odd. I’ve been dealing with this shit for years and no matter how many meds I take, it just starts going up again. God hates me and this is some kind of ongoing smite. WHY, GOD? WHY???
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:41 pm68Yo Yo Cracka

Family hx of hypertension? Blame your parents!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:44 pm69Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m sure it’s from my dad’s side. He had three heart attacks and was dead by his mid-30s.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 9:50 pm70Josh

damn nun,
my dad passed at 50 from a heart attack, it’s no joke. It’s the reason I’m in the gym like 4 times a week and play b-ball one a week. I need to live for my kid’s sake.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:09 pm71Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I keep praying to Sheba to let me die but she does not.

Fucking whore bitch!!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:17 pm72Josh

please Nun,
it would be much better if a stupid person where to die instead of you. No need to waste a brain and a set of nice titties.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:20 pm73Josh

nun do you mean Shiva?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpRKRLMLYV8
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:21 pm74Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Temple of Doom, Josh. It’s a quote.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:23 pm75Josh

after Indy 4, he’s dead to me.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:51 pm76Ben

I couldn’t agree more. Indy 4 was AWFUL!!!
on 17 Nov 2008 at 10:55 pm77Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Are you always so wishy-washy on your sports teams, Ben? First it was the Jets, then the Titans, now the Jets again. You’d think you’d be happy with your undefeated Titans.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:07 pm78Anonymous

shut up, ben. i mean it this time.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:07 pm79uppity cracka

you know who i am, bitch.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:11 pm80Ben

what the fuck you talking about, bitch? i never ever supported the titans.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:23 pm81God

You are all dead to Me. I hate you all. Not a single one of you obeyed My Command to print out My Divine Word and spread it through the world.

Not a one of you appreciate Me. Except for Ben. He is the only one who loves Me. And so Ben, I bless you with a huge penis and a winning football team, as long as you keep spreading My Hate around.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:35 pm82anne johnson

Fuck you, God. You smote my fuckin printer, muthafucka. It hasn’t worked since I started coming to this blog! So don’t blame me if your hate doesn’t go onto the telephone pole.
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:37 pm83anne johnson

Nun, I send the blessings of Queen Brighid the Bright your way, in hopes that you soon will be hangin and bangin with the Seahawks backfield!

(Yeah, I know the name is the same as Bridgette. But does Bridgette know???)
on 17 Nov 2008 at 11:40 pm84Ben

Yay! God loves me again. I remember a time not so long ago when I was banned again and again. Don’t worry God, I’ll continue to spread your word through my town. People here go apeshit over stuff like that. I hope some of the pissed off people who see it come here to post. that would be fun. this place could use a bunch more Bridgie-poos. they’re so entertaining.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 12:24 am85Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ben,

You claimed to like the Titans when you claimed to be from Iowa. Oh how quickly we forget our lies. Call me a bitch if you want but at least I’m a female. You’re a guy bitch which is one of the lamest things ever.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 12:26 am86Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Why is God always so cranky? He used to spew His Divine Hate in a rather jovial mood. Now He’s just Divinely Mean.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 12:29 am87Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Anne,

The Seahawks backfield is not who I’d be looking at to hang and bang with… the secondary and the receiving corp is where I’ll be looking. Sure would be nice if we could win a fucking game though.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 1:32 am88anne johnson

I’m slightly perplexed by the “wide receiver” position. What’s really going on with those dudes?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 1:33 am89Tony Snow

Dear God and Disciples,

Lots of us hate Disney World.
This blog is hit #14 of 492,000 …

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en-us&q=I+HATE+DISNEY+WORLD&start=10&sa=N
on 18 Nov 2008 at 1:33 am90anne johnson

As for God being cranky, read your Bible. He’s rarely anything else BUT cranky.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 1:36 am91anne johnson

Does that mean 13 people hate Disney World more than God? I see some smiting coming on.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 1:40 am92Tony Snow

I myself hate the whole Disney
organization because they’re
all a bunch of fascists.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 2:22 am93Nun Ur Damned Bizness

They’re just more open then the tight ends, that’s all.

Tony,

It’s number 4 now.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 4:19 am94Christian The Jew

Na , It’s linked to the second page.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 5:34 am95God

I am NOT cranky. In fact, if you read My post carefully, you will see that I still spew My Divine Hate as jovially as ever. I commanded one favor from you people, and this favor-command went completely unheeded and ignored, as do most of My Commands these days. You are all far too busy with your iPods and your football teams and your vibrating dildos to do old God a solid.

I, The Almighty Lord your God, have put a lot of time, energy and money into My Divine Hate Blog, far more than it deserves, and so naturally I have decided that I would like more humans to share in My Pain.

Is it too much to ask to demand you lot of strange perverts help spread My Word through the toilets of your towns? Who will ever know? Surely there is a post of Mine you and I would like other people to be exposed to. Anal? Science? Africa? Even “#1 Desperate People Begging For Help,” tastefully placed in a church pew, would, I am sure, be quite well received.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:04 am96Master Shake

Thing is God, some of Your posts aren’t worth printing, namely the one about rock music, the greatest form of music in existence.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:07 am97Master Shake

Besides, Ben’s new avatar should be taken down POST HASTE!!!!!!!!!!

The last thing I wanna see is a dick riding a nuke. Tits are the way to go.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 1:36 pm98Yo Yo Ma Ma

Dear Almighty God, I posted Your Holy Missive on the door of the local church and was harrassed by the preacher.

I’ve printed out more copies, and will hang them in every bathroom stall (except the women’s) in the building. Will this get me back in Your Holy favor?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 2:10 pm99anne johnson

Pagans are exempt from doing God’s will.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 2:34 pm100anne johnson

There can be only one!
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:00 pm101God

Master Shake, all My Post are worth printing. The rock and roll post could be printed and left in the rock section of a music store.

YoYo - Yes, once you have done so you will be back in My Divine Favor.

Anne Johnson - I broke your printer because I don’t want you as an apostle.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:05 pm102Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Somebody here must like the Buffalo Bills because God hates them. Wide right, yet again. Poor Bills.

Dear God,

I try to spread Your Divine Word to my super-duper religious family every chance I get but whenever I do, they tell me I’m blasphemous and am going to hell.

Just yesterday I emailed select members of my family, the ones that are positively freaky-deaky for Your Son, to let them know about Your Divine Disdain for Disney World and the fatties that congregate there. They told me that God loves and embraces the obese and that any claim to the contrary is evil blasphemy. I told them that You have made Your Divine Hatred for the chubbasauruses quite clear and boy, won’t they be surprised when they get booted out of heaven because God can’t stand looking at their ugly fattiness. They disowned me and told me never to contact them again. Stupid, pompous assholes can’t handle Your Divine Truth.

So, You see, O Surly One, we mere mortals do try to spread Your Divine Word but nobody wants to hear it.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:13 pm103Yo Yo Ma Ma

“They disowned me and told me never to contact them again”

So the story has a happy ending for you!
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:18 pm104Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Indeed!! But it won’t last, I do a piss-poor job of following directions so I will be preaching the Gospel of our Lord to them again soon.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:19 pm105Yo Yo Ma Ma

I usually carry a clipboard loaded with paper, and walk rapidly, wearing a concerned look. This persuaded people I’m busy, and they leave me alone.

Today’s clipboard had several copies of the posting, whcih I’m leaving in bathrooms around the building. I can’t thumb-tack them in some of the stalls, as they are metal-walled, so I’ve left copies on the toilet paper holders.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:24 pm106Nun Ur Damned Bizness

There’s a black fellow who stands on the corner with a sign letting us all know that God is going to end the world soon. I use to think he was crazy until God put the counter on His Divine Blog stating that He will indeed end the world. Sometimes I stand out there with him with a sign that says:
“If you’re fat, God Hates You!!”

People throw stuff at me and call my fellow God’s Word spreader a ‘nigger’. People are not interested in learning about God’s Divine Will.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:25 pm107anne johnson

God doesn’t want me as an apostle.
Too bad, though, because I’m thin and I hate Disney World. But this broken printer is a major hassle. I have to go to the library to print out my kid’s worksheets.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:26 pm108Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m starting to think that God killed Satan.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 3:29 pm109Yo Yo Ma Ma

Anne, can’t you go to Wal-Mart (hiiissssss!) and spend the $35 for a new printer?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 4:12 pm110Evangelist Curtis

Anne: Cheeseburger, fries, “homemade chili”, and pound cake.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 4:20 pm111Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Curtis,

Is that the same food they give the patients?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 4:48 pm112Evangelist Curtis

Nun,

It’s one of the options, but actually, the patients eat a more balanced meal. It’s crazy, isn’t it?

You feeling better today?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 4:55 pm113Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m crabby.

It’s good the patients eat a better meal. They’re only trying to kill the employees.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 4:57 pm114Lucifer

No Nun. God didn’t kill me. He just banished me back to hell. I’m a little ashamed of how easily he did it.

And I miss raping Jesus. That was some sweet, sweet ass.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 5:02 pm115Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Lucifer!! I’ve missed you so much, dear sweet Satan. Please come over for “drinking” on Saturday.

And don’t worry, Satan. It’s easy to be distracted while banging Jesus’ sweet, tight ass. God simply took advantage of you while you were making sweet love to His Son.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 5:34 pm116anne johnson

#109 Yo Yo: NEVER!

#110 Curtis: Leftovers from last night and an apple (not at school today, dammit).

#114 Lucifer: Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:26 pm117Lucifer

Nun, I am there. It’s ok, I feel more at home in hell anyway.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:34 pm118Christian The Jew

God, gotta ask, why do some of Your people hate for You?

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/baptist-raises-hell-in-jewish-dialogue/2008/11/18/1226770451056.html
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:39 pm119God

Christian,

Good question. I will answer it at the end of the month as I do all other questions.

Lucifer,

You’re a dick.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:41 pm120Ben

This place is so awesome without cracka to tell me to shutup. Also no smoggy batzstubble to fuck sheep. no unpleasant jew to tell josh he’s a fag, no josh to be a fag, no nobody today.

Ah who am i kidding. i miss those jerks.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 6:42 pm121Christian The Jew

Thank You God
on 18 Nov 2008 at 7:05 pm122anne johnson

Ben: Do you think they miss you? Shut up!

Nun: Better go out to the pasture and check on your burro. He’s being bad.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 7:38 pm123Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Wha?! What the fuck is my burro doing?

God says He will only answer questions posted on the Ask God page but then He changes His Divine Mind.

Ben,

Anne is right. Nobody misses you so just shut the fuck up, waffler.

Where is Smoggy?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:08 pm124Ben

ok fine. i’ll shutup.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:08 pm125Ben

suck on my gigantic nuclear penis.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:20 pm126anne johnson

It’s okay, Nun. You’re burro’s just being friendly.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:21 pm127anne johnson

OH MY JEALOUS! Did Anne commit the cardinal sin of grammar? Where’s the flail?????

YOUR burro is being friendly, Nun. I appreciate the friendship.

ACK! Stuff Anne Hates: Improper Use of Homophones.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:23 pm128Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Is my burro trying to stick his penis inside of you? He does that kind of thing, Anne. My apologies for his penis.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:24 pm12996alucard

Nun, you know it has a mind of it’s own.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:33 pm130Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I wouldn’t know, Burro. I’ve never seen it.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 8:44 pm13196alucard

*unzips pants*
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:22 pm132Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Damn!! My Burro has hardware on his dick that is bigger than my head!
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:25 pm13396alucard

May I put my pants back on Nun?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:26 pm134Cooper

Proposition 8 is gay.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:32 pm135Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, Burro. I’m waiting for you to lasso a bird with that thing.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:33 pm136Josh

holy shit, Cooper is back.

Prop 8 is super gay, like Wanda Sykes.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:38 pm137Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I didn’t even know Wanda Sykes was gay until yesterday. You go, girl!! I love her more now than I did before and I already loved her lots.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:44 pm138Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What kind of person adopts a child at 18 months old and then 8 years later decides he’s too much trouble? What the fuck is wrong with people.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:53 pm13996alucard

Wow! My gaydar must be on the fritz, I had no idea.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 9:56 pm140anne johnson

My sweet, sweet burro!
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:08 pm14196alucard

Awe man! Did I change ownership again?
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:13 pm142Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m going to flog you tonight, Burro. Just so you know.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:18 pm143Josh

i loved how Wanda’s humor used to be about banging dudes, what a liar. but I still love her so, despite her voice.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:28 pm144Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m going to dress up as Mickey Mouse and go bash fatties for God.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:36 pm14596alucard

I am going to print up a bunch of God’s Posts, take them to Mass tomorrow and place them randomly throughout the cathedral. God, I do it all for You.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:37 pm146Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m going to run through Burro’s cathedral naked tomorrow. For God, of course.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:40 pm147Josh

I’m going to video tape Nun running naked and put it on the internet, for God of course.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 10:45 pm148Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m going to randomly bugger people with my strap-on and then donkey-punch them. As always, for God.
on 18 Nov 2008 at 11:40 pm149Christian The Jew

I volunteer
on 19 Nov 2008 at 12:10 am150Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’re on, fag.
on 19 Nov 2008 at 1:09 am151Ben

i’m going to print out a bunch of God’s anal post and spread them all over the gay clubs in des moines. for GOD! of course.
on 19 Nov 2008 at 3:41 am152Josh

Ben,
I’m very glad you’re familiar with the gay clubs in des moines. do me a favor and drop one of the fliers off at 1313 Ben Lane, I heard that guy has a problem.
on 19 Nov 2008 at 4:31 am153Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’m going to anally violate Ben over and over again for God.
on 19 Nov 2008 at 1:47 pm154Yo Yo Ma Ma

Homophones? Curtis?
on 19 Nov 2008 at 3:38 pm155uppity cracka

shut up, cooper.
on 19 Nov 2008 at 7:13 pm156Tony Snow

I’m going to do everything I normally
do in the name of God, just to be a
smarty pants.
on 17 Apr 2009 at 9:26 pm157Richard Dawkins

Did you all hear something? I could have sworn I heard something. Must be a fly in here, I don’t know.
on 02 Nov 2009 at 9:18 pm158

For the record. He doesn’t exist, so he can’t hate.
on 03 Mar 2010 at 9:48 pm159fdgdfhdghgghfgh

you all are stupid