Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Greeting My children. After another one of My Glorious ether and heroin binges, I, The Almighty Lord your God, finally woke up a couple days ago to find Myself trapped in Hell. After going back to sleep for another several days, I broke free and returned to Heaven yesterday to find the place in shambles; the cherubim and seraphim had all been murdered, the City of God had been reduced to ruins, and all of Heaven had been pillaged and plundered and set ablaze. Plus, My palace was left a pigsty. Beer cans and cigarettes on every counter, empty pizza boxes on every floor, and demon sperm splattered on every wall. I fucking hate Satan.
I swear to Me, he does this every time he stays at My place. After I’d destroyed his demon horde with a wave of My hand, I investigated My throne room. I found that the stupid jerk had been playing My Heavenly Xbox. In fact, he’d been playing MY saved game on Grand Theft Auto IV. Can you believe that? He didn’t even have the courtesy to start a new game. He played through about 25 missions on MY fucking saved game. Now I have to start over. And he left the controllers all sticky too.
Satan gets sent back to Hell.
I finally found the shithead in My bedroom, brutally flogging and fucking Jesus in the ass…on MY BED! Can you believe the nerve of this cunt muffin?! Now at this point, I was pretty upset, as you can imagine. And still, out of respect for our past working relationship, I kindly asked him to stop raping My Son and to just leave. But he did not. Instead, he started dancing around Me and challenging Me to a fight. At this point I granted him his wish. I clocked him good across the chin several times, and then started pounding on his ribs as he lay on the ground helpless. I broke four of his ribs before I heard Jesus screaming for Me to stop before I kill him.
In any case, I cast Satanus back down into Hell and restored Heaven to the way it was. Maybe it’s because he’s My hated archenemy, but I’ve always hated Satan. He’s just such a filthy douchebag. I see he wrote a post on My Blog while I was gone. It, of course, was awful. That’s ok though, I think I’ll leave it up. It’s a testament to what a whiny little pussy he is.
Hey Satan, enjoy the bruises and the broken ribs. You punk-ass bitch.
I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.
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Welcome back God! I really missed you. Just want to say that I never stopped believing in You, and we all worked very hard to fight against that anus Satan while you were gone.
Long live God!
Nice to have You back, God!
I really mean it … YAY!
Hooray! Welcome back God! I fucking hate Satan too.But I’m confused. You called him a filthy douchebag & made it sound like a bad thing.
it’s true, Your Majesty. we tried to save You, but we ended up saving jerry garcia instead. it was a mess. welcome back, Sir.
We’re glad You have returned, Your Almightyness.
Do you want Jerry Garcia back? He’s eaten all the junk food I had stashed away, drank all my beer, and is sleeping off a hangover on the couch.
Thank you mortals. It is good to be back. You can keep Jerry Garcia. He smokes too much of My Weed.
A typical day in a fucked-up pantheon.
You’re a fucked up pantheon.
johnson, the other pantheons are all make believe. this isn’t medieval denmark. why pretend like there’s such thing as pantheons that aren’t fucked up? damn crazy johnson.
We saved Jerry Garcia? WTF?
God,
I would really like to know who you put in charge of the NFL this year! I have been a good and humble servant, O Lord so please pass on this information and I shall bother You no more about my beloved Seahawks.
And thank You for not making me a Cowboys fan although I’m not real sure what the difference would be right about now.
Josh,
I saw Idiocracy. I laughed out loud quite a few times. Good recommendation, Ching-Chong.
Yeah Curtis, uhhmm…you were distracting some demonic guards, Uppity and I grabbed what we thought was His Divine Godliness, but it was Garcia.
Just like in the real world, the meanest motherfucker of a god gets the spoils. That doesn’t mean there aren’t nicer gods out there, and not just the ones from Medieval Denmark (where they worshipped your loser god).
Jerry Garcia would make a better god than Jehovah. All hail Jerry Garcia! Yo Yo and Curtis — my heroes.
Shut up, Ben.
yoyo’s right, curtis, thanks for (dick fingers) distracting (dick fingers) the demonic guards. we have jerry garcia! which would be great if we wanted some old fat guy to stare off into space and play jam songs for “eccentric” baby boomers who think weed is mind expanding. we should try to get jim morrison back too, that’d be cool.
shut up, ben.
and my rectal transplant went pretty good if you’re wondering. i can really pinch off those turds now with my brand new o-ring!!
Nobody was wondering because nobody cares about the tightness of your asshole but thanks for sharing, Cracka.
you’re welcome, whore.
maybe you should try it on your drooling vagina, nun.
I am not a whore!!
I’ve already had my vagina replaced 3 times, Cracka. Fucking amateur.
Replaced? I thought you just had it re-lined.
you’re claiming not to get paid for it in one breath and calling ME the amateur in the next? how do you like that for irony?
aaahhhhh….things really are returning to normal…
A rectal transplant could give you a shitty outlook on life.
Anne Johnson,
you are just as dumb as Bridgette. There I said it.
I heard a team of doctors just performed the first successful hemmorhoid transplant on John McCain.
Earlier transplants rejected McCain.
Cracka, you are an amateur at LIFE. I am not. Does that make enough sense for you?
Yo,
Relining only goes so far, man. I put a lot of wear and tear on my precious parts.
I told you Idiocracy was good!!!!
Just don’t see the Happening, one of the worst movies of all time.
Hey God,
Where’s that new job You said I’d get?!?!?!?!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0Ial0onqiI
God probably hates him because he does the rock and roll thing but I think he’s very fucktractive and that this is one of the best songs ever written.
Even though I’m not a fan of M. Night Shamalamadingdong, Josh, I was still disappointed to hear The Happening was shit.
Bazebaal is done, now the nation must suffer through fuutbaal season.
so, you’re saying that you are a professional life-liver and i am an amateur life-sort-of-liver? because, yeah, that makes sense. i thought you were speaking only about getting fucked really violently because in that case there would be so many technicalities i could throw at you…metaphors, analogies, monkeypoop.
i’m banning the unpleasant jew.
Cracka,
Telling somebody they are an “amateur” is an insult used to FACE somebody who is incompetent and basically sucks at whatever they are an “amateur” in. Since I’ve had to explain this quite common method of FACEing somebody to you, I consider that evidence that yes, you are indeed an AMATEUR at life. In simple cracka terms, you’re really fucking stupid.
Nun, my partner, the Brit, has recently taken up football. I know, a gay Briton becoming a football fan - Doesn’t make much sense to me. Even worse, he’s picked the Sea Hawks and the Wolverines as his “teams”.
We live no where near Washington State.
Anne, I forgot. Today’s menu: Cavatini, mixed vegetable mix, cheesy breadstick, turkey noodle soup, and various pie.
Also, after having a few days off, I’ve come to the conclusion that I now wish to be a (dick fingers) stay at home mom (dick fingers). The fact that I don’t have any kids is just gravy.
You are all amacheurs
Ben, you are a poor speller.
Welcome back God! I always knew you’d get out and thrash Lucifer anytime you felt like it. I hope you enjoyed the sheep. I didn’t mind sacrificing my entire flock, including all my virgins, just so you’d be back in Your rightful place hating everybody.
Ummm…guess I can stop using my secret superhero identity now.
…but in my other identity I’d like to remind all you Americans to
VOTE EARLY…
VOTE OFTEN…
VOTE ALASKAN SKANK!
fuckwit
Taking a pass today, Curtis. Mixed vegetable mix is something you feed to rabbits.
Ben, if I’m as dumb as Bridgette, you wouldn’t even pass the IQ test for lab rat.
Smoggy’s here early today, sucking up like a perfect celestial toady.
“mixed vegetable mix” sounds redundantly delicious.
what’s with calling me fucking stupid, nun? what the hell did i ever do to you besides the humiliating date rape? if your version of FACEing someone is to call them an amateur perhaps you better try smoggy’s insult generator.
shut up, ben.
Mixed vegetable mix is boiled beyond all recognition. None of those pesky vitamins for me, thank you very much.
Cavatini is big past noodles, with mushrooms, ground beef, tomato sauce, and LOTS of melted cheese. For hospital food, not too shabby or healthy.
it’s a mix of mixed vegetables? so, it’s mixed vegetables….that are mixed? a vegetable mix, if you will, that has been mixed with vegetables?
“i would like the mixed vegetables, please. actually, i’ve changed my mind, i’ll have the vegetable mix.”
hey, johnson, you”re the new top disciple. haha!!
there is a store in NY called “FACE” I think of you all, except for Ben, whenever I pass it.
WHAT THE FUCK. What the fuck did i ever do to deserve such hate. that’s all this blog does is stir up more hate. hate hate hate hate hate. haters ball.
josh is a faggot.
Josh, Just ignore Ben. He’s ignorant.
I’d scoop his fucking eyeballs out and skull fuck the little bastard!
Ben,
It’s not hate. I think of everyone here at one point in my day, just because I don’t think of you when I pass FACE doesn’t me I don’t think of you when I pass the store called “Asshole”.
Curtis,
I think it’s funny that “faggot” is used as a insult. I mean being gay is not a bad thing, I just happen not to be. Oh well, you missed one hell of a parade on Friday. I couldn’t even walk to my train, I had to walk an extra 6 blocks because the parade shut down 6th Ave.
dont forget to vote you lazy bastards, I mean you to Ben even though I know you’re voting for Ron Paul.
I may miss voting - just found out I’ll be in another town several hours away at 6PM tomorrow.
Maybe if I drive fast I’ll get to the polls in time.
Oh shit! He’s keeping a new tally for every post? Swear to Jealous I ain’t commenting any more today.
Josh — so much for me crowding up the comment section trying to get a quickening. I’ll go eat at Curtis’s cafeteria if I want a quickening.
I can’t vote cause I waited too long to register. who knew there was a time limit? fuck. there goes my vote for McCain.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
I also encourage everyone to
get out and vote. Even Smiggy.
BTW, those of us in Californika get to see a non-stop barrage of ads FOR prop8 on every website we go to. ICK! What’s on your GoogleAD?
prop 8 sucks man. Just give tax payers their damn rights and leave them alone.
Here’s the difference between conservatives and liberals. Liberals say they don’t like something and it’s not for them, but if you want it go ahead. Conservatives say they don’t like something, and therefore no one should have it.
FYI - Heroes is not on tonight because of a fucking SNL political marathon!!!! Bullshit!!!! I need to know what’s happenning with the Pitrelli family!!!
Ben, Don’t worry.
Campaign strategists say that
not voting is the same as voting
for the (two thumbs up) Ins (two thumbs up) when the hot issue is change.
I’ve voted…
…and so have my sheep
I voted for myself and my family
I’m going to vote on the day, with my nose stuck hard up the arse of the person in front of me
Yes… and I too have voted as often as possible
VOTE ALASKAN SKANK!
69, dudes.
Smaeiouggy,
Please don’t encourage the skankophiles.
Bitch may be the New Black, but we still don’t have the Old Black In yet …
in minnesota, you can register at the polling station without an ID if you have a neighbor that vouches for you. i did it last year, i was filling out my registration card, the guy next to me was explaining how he moved recently from some terrible place like iowa and he didn’t have an MN ID. the polling official said, well if you know anyone in your neighborhood, they can vouch for you. so, i was like, “yeah i know that guy, he lives here.” kind of weird if you ask me, but better than the way republicans want to do it where you can only vote if you’re white.
did i say last year? i meant ‘06.
Share the love
And the winner is …
http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/
ben’s a small lump of poo
I wanted 69, dang. I even made Miss Puss springtime fresh today. Oh well, congrats cracka. Sad news. Obamas grandmother died today. Very, very, sad.
Josh,
I saw Idiocracy this weekend.
Ow My Balls!
Oh yes…and while I remember, my sheep have offered to give free oral sex to any Americans who have video proof of having voted for Obama.
Line up in Australia and we’ll send for you.
(McCain voters can get oral sex also– in Australia from a couple of hungry salt water crocodiles)
It’s only sad about the Obamagranmama if y’all don’t believe in God. Why, I’ll bet she’s with the Big Fella right now doing ether and heroin. Have You seen her yet God?
I hope she’s with the Big Fella. She belongs there with Him. I feel sad cause I wanted her to live through the election.
Ben, were you born a moron or did you have to learn to be one?
Ben’s got natural talent. He’s the Michael Phelps of morons, the Barack Obama of shitheads, the Sarah Palin of sincerity.
i vote tomorrow! I am going to be there all afternoon, but in the end it will be worth it to have a half black guy in office. I just can’t wait till he gets pulled over and searched.
Smoggy,
YOur comment confused me, the Sarah Palin of sincerity? THat trick has never been sincere, or good at anything for that matter (being a great target of Tina Fey does not count as a talent)
Josh got you there Smoggy.
On that note, see you all later. Off to drink my favorite mixed beverage & watch the fucking news.
Ummm… I don’t think Josh got me there, unless you think Phelps is a moron, Obama is a shithead and Palin is sincere (sincere in a good way I mean–I agree she’s a sincere bigot and hate-monger).
As I don’t think either man is a moron or a shithead, and nor do I think Palin is sincere, my meaning must be entirely negative. In the first two instances I’m a coupling a person of huge achievement and positive potentiality (Phelps / Obama) with a negative quality (moron / shithead) to create a super-negative (i.e. Ben as the Barack Obama of shitheads). This doesn’t suggest Obama is a shithead unless you think his supporters are (which I accept a lot of RePUBIClans do). In the third instance I linked a person of negative potentiality with a positive trait (sincerity). Josh seems to see this creating a super-positive, but I don’t, unless you think Palin is a positive person. This cannot be so in my case as my posts have repeatedly indicated that I think she’s a bigoted, racist, hypocritical, lying, winking, elitist, cheating, young-earth-creationist, homophobic, intolerant end-times cunt (and don’t get me started on her bad qualities). Thus calling her “sincere” is both ironic and sarcastic. Given the tenor of all my other posts about Palin such an attitude of intense negativity towards her should always be assumed
QED
Smoggy, point well taken. I misunderstood. I totally get you on all points. That’s what happens when one jumps to conclusions. I like you Smoggy. You should so live in the United States. You get it & some Americans just don’t.
Oh, & don’t get me started on Sarah Palin. I was at a party 2 weeks ago & some chick was spouting off on how great she thought Palin was. I told her Palin was a dumb cunt & excused myself to the outdoors for a breath of fresh air.
“dumb cunt”!
That’s the spirit douche. If you can’t beat ‘em insult ‘em.
God kicked Satans ass so hard that he lost his facebook account.
Well yes…but speaking of asses, Jesus had his raped and gaped by Satan’s hot horned cock…and word on the street is he’s popping down to hell for more in the back door. So who’s winning here?
Jesus’ superpower is resurrection …
He can always come back for more!
If Satan was using his real cock then Jesus probably isn’t in that bad of shape. Satan’s real cock is smaller than Cracka’s.
Vote for Satan’s cock
…cracka’s cock is an invalid ballot
Know why I want 96?
Because in upside-down Noo Zilland it’s what we call a 69
Yum Yum 69 … 96 … 69 … 96 … 69 … 96
I was having lunch with Anton LeVay the other day and he told me that this whole blog is just a ruse to make me buy disinfectants and gastric bypass surgeries.
I’m thusly skeptical of this whole Satanic takeover.
And our tongues are so swollen from being upside down the licking is extra good
100
I’ve got to move to New Zealand.
Anton LeVay is just an anagram of “Anal Envy To”–he’d like a horned cock up his ringpiece and prays to God for the privilege
Why is voting in the USA so utterly fucked? The greatest, richest nation on earth. They can get a man to the moon, they can lead the world in technology and scholarship, they can process a billion financial transactions a day and they can’t organise a simple fucking election.
…third world queues…hanging chads…broken voting machines…malfunctioning computers…organised cheating…fucking morons!
The first thing Obama has to do is legislate for a federally managed electoral system using independent monitors from some sophisticated democracy like Khazakhstan and hi-tech paper forms and pencils for ticking boxes.
Yor…yor..i am in agreeing with what cunt tit said..be sorting of yourselves out stupids of American united states fuckerings.
Well, we shall see tomorrow, I guess.
Dear God,
An earnest prayer. Please use Your divine power to flip all ignorant votes to the half black guy. It’s only right. I promise I’ll go to Mass more often if you do.
Sincerely,
Your dutiful servant,
ps: I’ll even consider giving up anal. I mean it. EC
PPS:
Would you please make that big dicked guy in Tennessee return my email?
EXTRA special thanks for that one!! I swear to You that I’m not stalking him. I mean it!
Sniff… Curtis that’s the most moving thing I’ve heard since Obama eulogised his Ogranmama…
IMHO the fact that for on Obama victory you’d consider never again pushing your penis up another man’s tight bottom-hole, and nor would you allow another chap to lube his throbbing meat stick and slide it up your bottom (while simultaneously masturbating your engorged member until it spurted great wads of hot cum everywhere) is a sacrifice akin to the one Jesus made when he got crucified. Greater in fact! Christ knew he’d come back to life–but you know you’ll never again experience the hot thrill of a pulsing shaft up your pooper.
Curtis–you are da man!
OBAMA 08–VOTE AWAY THE GAY!
Curtis, if it means you will give up the anal, then yes, I will help elect Obama tomorrow. Well I was already going to do that anyway, but now that you’ve promise to give up anal I’m going to hold you to it.
Curtis,
I don’t think you thought this deal through completely. Now that God has granted your request you’ll have to give up anal. What if He hooks you up with that big-dicked guy? You know that’s just the kind of thing the Divine Big Guy would do.
P.S. Smoggy is a fag.
Yes! God is for Obama! I so love God for many reasons, but that’s just the icing on the cake!!!
Smoggy is a fag? I took a break to flip between th SNL special & Monday night football & missed all the fun. I like Smoggy. I don’t think he is a fag at all. So what if he fucks his own sheep? That’s his business. And I really don’t care for the word fag for that matter.
Also, I would like to say that Obama’s grandmother is indeed with Me in Heaven. While she was a vile cancer patient, she never complained or begged for a different fate, so I let her in. Also, she shares My distrust of black people.
Oh God…you are O so gloriously fucked up. I love you.
And now, with 0.0005% of the vote in, Obama may be the winner! Or is it McCain?
Agreement on the stupidity of the voting process. Why in November? Because, in our Agrarian past, it was the time past harvest, and snow hadn’t isolated everyone.
Why not a week long vote? Why stand in line? I can make a secure transaction online, I have a driver’s license with a unique ID number, and know my other identifying information.
I should be able to go to a website, enter my license number, confirm it with SSN or something, and vote, once.
If you like going to the polls, I can step up to a ATM and make a secure transaction, I should be able to do the same with a voting machine.
God, update your damned disciple list! I haven’t posted since #57.
Obama’s grandma, being a cancer patient hated by god, has been welcomed into the Anglo/Saxon/Celtic/Breton heaven, where they issue visitors’ passes to other heavens and invite souls from other heavens to great parties!
She has crossed to the Other Side to protect against voter fraud.
I am going to vote today if I have to stand in line till my bad leg caves. And I live in a state that is projected to go 85 percent for Obama. He has not visited New Jersey once — if you don’t count the Pagan meet-and-greet I threw for him last summer.
Yo Yo is right. It ought to be at least an option.
Oh say, Goddy boy. If Obama wins, there goes your Supreme Court full of activist judges!
More stuff about Election Day: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/ynews_pl126
Anne, are there any openings on the Supreme Court at the moment? And which judge looks ready to retire?
I read that judges, either liberal or conservative, move toward the center during their time on the Court. Interesting, if true.
Of the more liberal SCOTUS judges:
John Paul Stevens is 88
Anthony Kennedy is 72
Ruth Bader Ginsburg is 75
David Souter is 69.
I’ll bet at least one of them retires in the next four years. As for Souter, Ha ha! Reagan’s biggest mistake.
As long as we’re on this topic, Alito is 59.
And it does appear I’m the top commenter. But rather than “disciple” I prefer to think of myself as the “dissident.”
if it weren’t for the potential supreme court appointees the assertion people are making that this is the most important election of our lifetime would be false. 2000 was more important, for that matter, so was 2004. we wouldn’t be in this mess had bush not stolen those other 2. also, how can we know what will occur in the next 50 years? “in our lifetime”, it’s dumb. i hate simplistic hyperbole like that. everyone hears it and repeats and says it in (dick fingers) intellectual (dick fingers) conversation. let’s ruin this whole conversation by repeating shallow cliches, shall we? fuck everyone. the most important election of our lifetime…only because of the supreme court, not because one of the guys is half black.
You guys should have seen the polling station in my little town this morning. It was PACKED out at 06:00.
Anne: Ruben sandwich, battered and deep fried corn nuggets or onion rings, beef vegetable soup, and a plethora of pie.
Curtis, after hearing of your hospital’s lunch, my aortic arch tried to jump out pf my chest and strangle me. It would be a quicker way to die than eating that!
Yo, it’s good for business.
Yum! I’m gonna go vote and then have lunch with Curtis! With that kind of menu, I doubt I’ll live to see another election.
Anne, I think I saw one or two salads in the cooler, but really, what’s the point? They have creamy peach pie today.
The salads are usaully brown or wilted; who wants that?
I saw a cartoon some time back, a woman asked the kid behind the counter what she could get with her burger. he said, “Fries, or apple slices.” She ordered fries, then asked, “Does anyone order the apple slices?” He replied, “Nope, never!”
The Redskins lost last night. According to the Redskins Rule Obama will win. Who do you believe? The Redskins or political pundits?
I just cast my Obama vote. The polling place was very crowded, but the lines moved quickly. My husband & I were there for a total of 20 minutes. Seems a lot of folks took the day off from work to vote early. Lots of first time voters too.
Also, God has said Obama will win. I guess that’s why the Redskins lost. Well, that & the fact that they suck.
what state, douche bag?
the only time the redskins rule didn’t apply was ‘04, which led me to conclude concretely that the ‘04 election was stolen in ohio. i need no further proof.
cracka, I live in PA.
Limerick time:
Nun tried to post a good link,
that got lost in the Wordpress sink
She’ll fume and roar,
Cracka’ll call her a whore
And then they’ll both raise a big stink.
I am also a diehard Steeler fan, so last night was a good night for me. Thanks God!
NICE!!! that one’s important.
the redskins rule: if the team with the racially insensitive name from the nation’s capitol wins…so do the republicans. that makes sense.
i want to start the next expansion team and name them the “persons of african descent” that’s a pretty badass name, huh?
good one, yo. historically accurate, too.
Yo,that’s jus not nice. Nun is not a whore! There is a difference between a whore & a slut.
cracka, yeh, we have been bombarded with political ads. It will be nice to turn on the TV & not have to look at McCains yellow teeth & turkey neck.
technically, yes. but whore’s a better FACE! than slut. slut is not necessarily an insult. “that hot girl over there is kind of slutty.” not bad. “she’s a whore.” not good.
Yo Yo - That’s a good one!
Alas, Cracka is right, she’s not a whore. Perhaps a harlot.
where have all the gravatars gone?
holy crap. the norm coleman/al franken commercials are INSANE! apparently, al franken is a pornographer who demeans women and minorities. that’s not an exaggeration, it’s a verbatim sentence from an ad. and michelle bachmann!!! holy fuck, you guys are missing out!!
at the height of the smear ads al franken released a commercial that aired during a vikings MNF game. it started with a grainy pic of franken looking mean and said, “al franken hates puppies” a vote for al franken is a vote against puppies. then next couple of days polls showed franken gaining and coleman losing ground because of the perception of negativity, so coleman “suspended” all negative ads out of respect for the voters. didn’t work.
no, alucard, she is a whore.
you should know, aren’t you her bestiality toy?
Well…all I can say is she has great tits.
ceacka, did you vote for Franken? I heard that race was pretty close.
Great tits are important for sure. I keep mine nice & perky thanks to Victoria’s Secret.
Victoria’s Secret? She’s a man!
Not so al.
LOL, alucard!
Besides, alucard is just jealous because he has man titties.
Victoria’s Secret is how she manages to squeeze into that lingerie! Of course, she only has to wear it a few minutes…
Are trying to be funny Douche? They may pierced but there are not man boobs.
No they’re not man boobs–they’re sad, flabby fat-bags with hairy purple nipples.
ok alucard. I have respect for a man who would pierce his boobies.
that’s what it takes to gain your respect? wow, you are a douche bag.
i will vote for franken after work. even though he’s a little nuts. at least he’s not norm coleman nuts.
Pah! Pierced boobies. Fagula.
I’d have more respect for a man who’d pierce his cock with a large hook and dangle himself off an oak tree in his front garden on independence day, wearing nothing but the flag and singing ‘America the Beautiful’.
Smoggy - I have a pierced cock too. Pierced 3 times. I could do that next the next 4th of July.
96 Al - nothing says, “woof” like multiple piercings. What are the three piercings on your cock?
well al–in that case all I can say is “RESPECT”–and if you do it, make sure you send us the youtube url.
The only trauma my cock ever experienced was the gratuitous removal of its fleshy end piece. And that was in infancy and entirely noncensensual.
Curtis–have you ever had anal from a cock with piercings? Wouldn’t it smart a little?
Curtis - PA, Frentum and geesh
Smoggy - It’s like badda!
I have never ended up with ass flesh on my cock PA.
mostly a lot of groans, grunts and “oh yea’s”
Curtis must’ve got so excited he had to go knock one out.
I’m swooning!
My burro won’t even show me his pierced cock. I ask you, what kind of friend is that?
Oh yeah. Smoggy is a fag. He was far too descriptive when describing gay sex… that can only mean he wants it bad but is trying to deny his desire for butt-sex. Just go with it, Smog. Check with the Divine Big Guy to see if it’s acceptable to have a sheep fuck you in the ass.
the kind of friend that will tease curtis to death now that he can’t put things in his butt anymore.
On behalf of sheep everywhere, I would like to inform you that they have no interest whatsoever in returning any favors Smoggy bestows upon them.
However, there are several species of cacti who are willing to go anal on the Smogster.
I’m thinking that some of these sheep that Smoggy has been spending quality time with would be more than willing to return the favor and bugger Smoggy.
Just to be clear: I said I’d “consider” giving up anal if the half black guy wins. So there. If the big dicked guy from Tennessee doesn’t return my email, I’m totally going to start stalking 96 Al.
Nun, you call me a fag as if it were a bad thing. This is Smoggy you’re talking to. I post regularly about sex with non-human animals–are you suggesting that anything Curtis does is worse than that?
I’m very pleased with my post 107. It was a sustained piece of imagined homo-fucking. I was hoping it would get Curtis so horny he’d resile from his decision to forgo anal, and thus really piss God off. But Curtis never mentioned it, so I’m assuming I didn’t do a very good job and he didn’t get turned on at all.
Strictly speaking I’m probably an anal virgin (although I do keep my toothbrush up my ass on long trips).
al, 3 piercings on your cock! I’m impressed. But not showing them to Nun? That’s just wrong.
cracka, good for you on the franken vote.
Curtis,
God said He’d hold you to the agreement. You’re gonna have some ’splaining to do if you fuck my burro. I would like to meet you though so stalking should be okay.
Smoggy,
Why on earth would you think me calling you a “fag” would be a bad thing? Haven’t I been abundantly clear about being a fag-hag? If you had a brain and decided to use it, you’d see that me calling you a fag means I love you.
You’re right Nun–silly me, I wasn’t thinking. I do know you’re a fag hag, and I’m flattered you want me enough to hope I’d like other men’s meat sticks inserted in me.
Smoggy, #107 was hot! and rather accurate. Sorry, I’m a bit off my game today. A bit preoccupied with some REAL asshole who’s giving me some grief today.
Stupid job.
I swear to Him I want to be a stay at home mom.
LIVE RESULTS IN 3 HOURS!!
once was there a gay boy called curtis
whose fun in the bum was a circus
of vibrating thingies
and dildoes with wingies
and heavy sharp piercings that hurtus
fun in the bum was a circus?
i don’t know, smog. you’ve had better.
maybe something about
overexert us
or
um
that’s the only rhyme i got.
i suck at LIFE!!! nun was right!!!!!!!!
Told ya, Cracka. I wasn’t being mean, just honest.
There was no line at my polling place! And the same little old ladies who always sign me in. Everything was the same as it’s always been, except I voted for a colored guy. Makes me tingly all over … kind of like having a Reuben sandwich, fried corn, pie, and a good long shag with Beckham.
Note that Josh has been absent this afternoon. I’ll bet he’s in a long line out there in Chinatown.
No, no cracka, it’s not the fun in the bum that’s a circus. It’s all the little devices that constitute a “circus / of vibrating thingies /and dildoes with wingies”. You have to imagine the color, the flashing lights, the frenetic buzzing and moaning (and the farting noises as things get pushed in and out).
hmm….like a man queef from a man taco?
josh said he’d be at a polling place all afternoon. probably volunteering like all the other negro amigos.
“hmm….like a man queef from a man taco?”
si
HA HA! Right on the nose cracka!
i like to say to my black “friends*”, “sup my negro amigo?” i know, i stole it from scrubs but it’s fun.
*i only talk to black people to make myself feel good for not being racist.
ON A MUTHAFUCKIN’ COP.
Geez you guys make my bum sound more active than Nun’s fun pouch.
I’m going to go vote for the black guy in one hour. I hope the line isn’t too long because I’ll just have to say “screw it” and go home.
Curtis, you are only allowed to go home if the line is longer than every inch of cock that has ever been in you!! I’m talking about thrusts and dives here! If you deep-throated a six inch cock for a hundred times in one session, that’s FIFTY FEET worth of standing in line you have to do. If you took a 12 inch cock up your bottom for 100 thrusts, that’s 100 FEET worth of standing in line. I’m betting the line will need to be a good few miles long before you are allowed to say “screw it” and go home. YOU MUST VOTE. If you won’t vote for yourself, then do it for Smoggy who knows more than most Americans about American politics and isn’t allowed to. And don’t vote for the alaskan skank–that was just a joke!!
congratulations, God, on 300K hits.
curtis’ bum jokes shall be added to nun’s vagina jokes as a regular feature in this comments section. all in favor-aye!
all opposed-women and minorities and gays and foreigners don’t count…looks like i win…AGAIN!!!!!!! purge the voter rolls!!!!! voting machine glitches!!!!!! hanging chads!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! THE KKK RIDES FOREVER!!!!!!!
sorry, i got carried away in my crackerness again. it’s what we do.
no one can accuse me of nunnery, though.
Cracka, you indulge in nunnery.
damn you, johnson!!!!
this is a weird story from a great site:
http://current.com/items/89489473_virginia_tech_students_sent_to_vote_at_remote_location
let the conspiracy theories begin, nun!!!!!!
the whole election will hinge on virginia and there will be crazy stories of voter fraud and intimidation everywhere.
Smoggy, that means I’ll have to wait in line even after I’ve voted.
Great. Nun and I will have to form a support group now and have regular meetings to discuss how Cracka’s jokes hurt our feelings.
Yes Curtis! And you will have to walk around the block 750 times, you naughty cock-hound!
RESULTS IN UNDER AN HOUR
Where’s Johnson?
Why do you want to know?
She’s after 200, filthy pagan whore.
heh…heh…
Vote for Smoggy!!
(votes for smoggy)
sorry, smoggy, but century quickenings are for american citizens only. you’re going to have to relinquish your quickening strength to either me or yoyo (only white, male, straight americans in the room).
stupid al does whatever he’s told.
al, show nun your piercings.
TONIGHT I BECOME YOUR NEW GOD!!!
YAAAAARRRRR!!!
Yay! Absolutely no lines at the polling station. All the crazy conservatives get up at the crack of dawn and us lazy, commie, faggoty, liberals wait until the afternoon.
We have paper ballots that are then scanned, but just to make doubly certain I put a big X next to the guy I didn’t want so they would know I didn’t want him. I feel so hopeful now and am expecting lots of change.
cracka, I’m a citizen of the world and I’m God’s loyal servant and sheep-shagger. Anytime He wants to give me a century quickening He will. And be careful–I’m getting a lot of prayers answered lately and I just might pray that the Big Fella turns you into a black lesbian. What about it God?
Pirate John, I don’t want to be offensive, so I’ll just quietly suggest that some democrat is going to rip your patch off and fuck you in the socket for letting that skank get away with calling him a terrorist, liar, socialist, Muslim nigger. YAAAARRRR!!!
Thank you Curtis. You took one between the cheeks for Smoggy.
i’m going to vote now. then i’m going to drink and wait for a new president….someone besides bush. so, don’t make a bunch of racket in the morning. your friendly neighborhood bigot will be hung-ovah.
shut up, ben.
now…………………………….fuck off.
I will no longer vie for quickenings as it raises my discipleship numbers. Too bad Josh isn’t around to hear me say this. It really pisses him off when I go for the big 00.
I have worked overtime today because I’m afraid to go downstairs and turn on the news.
It’s already tomorrow in New Zealand. How come Smoggy hasn’t told us who won? Too busy banging bighorns, I guess.
Sorry. thought I’d told you already.
Obama and Biden won–350 to 188. Virginia helped take it out. I’m particularly happy that Michelle Bachmann and Elizabeth Dole are out on their fat asses. The dems missed out on the 60 seat senate filibuster by 2.
What else do you want to know?
“What else do you want to know?”
Why are you so ugly?
Heh…mirror mirror on the wall
there was an exvirgin called nun
who squatted over her mirror for fun
but her box was so battered
the looking glass shattered
and splinters shot right up her bum
So, you don’t know why you’re so ugly? I’m assuming that’s why you avoided the question with diversionary tactics.
A handsome young Kiwi named Smog
Was pursued by a randy she-dog
She said he was ugly
She really meant “plug me”
For he had a gargantuan knob
Nun, they said they were going to make jokes about my love tunnel just like they make fun of your fun pouch. When can we schedule our first support group meeting and will your Burrow be there? I can’t get those piercings out of my mind.
Gargantuan knob my ass.
I’m going to assume that’s a “yes” and proof that your momma wasn’t fucking your daddy when she got pregnant. Otherwise, you’d know which parent is responsible for your ugliness. That sucks, SmogMan.
only if you say “please”
220! Whoot!!
What, I don’t get points for that?
Damn you guys are fast.
Sorry, that was for curtis.
EC I will only “gargantuan knob your ass” if you beg for it
Alright, ‘night, y’all.
Smoggy, call me! PLEEEAAAASE!
‘night.
Curtis,
I almost always have my burro around. I love him.
The only thing that should bother you about their intended barbs is that they’re really lame. That’s what bugs me, if somebody’s going to insult my snatch, they should do it with style and intelligence and most importantly, an effective sense of humor.
I’d ask Mama Batzrubble, but as you well know she died giving birth to her precious wee Smoggy (sob). And you’ll also recall I can’t ask Papa Batzrubble as he is a serial killer, now executed.
Very sensitive nun (sob)
“if somebody’s going to insult my snatch, they should do it with style and intelligence and most importantly, an effective sense of humor”
What, you don’t find a limerick about your battered box shattering a mirror stylish, intelligent and funny?
…well whack my gherkin and call it a pickle…who’d a thunk it?
I do know, Smog. That’s why I brought it up.
Some of your limericks are clever, Smog. And you’re not Cracka, that’s a good thing.
if i was cracka i’d go and roofie curtis and then expose myself as a gay at the national cracka convention
Kentucky has been called for McCain. Fuckwits. I hope someone puts shit in their original recipe.
Kentuckians are all related to each other, so are West Virginians. Expect both states to go to McCain.
Smoggy,
You would suck at being a cracka.
Thank God for that, I’m happy being Smoggy the sheep-shagger, I’ve put a lot of work into my Batzrubble alter ego.
235 is mine
But you don’t put much effort into keeping your multiple personalities separate. Dumbass.
i never put much effort into anything–except reading on the toilet, drinking, watching sport, and composing pornographic limericks on gratuitously offensive comedy blogs
see what I fucking mean?
I’m surprised masturbating didn’t make that list.
Wasn’t Virgina supposed to be a battleground? It sure don’t look very battleground to me.
oops forgot those, how could I–add masturbating and looking at porn…
You’re right–early results from Virginia are worrying. When it came to voting for the N***** they couldn’t do it. Prejudiced fucks!
Fucking rednecks in Georgia too. I wonder how much of an issue race is going to end up being. I wonder how many enlightened white folks found they weren’t enlightened after all when it came time to cast their vote. Fuck!? I hope Americans are better than I give them credit for.
Ha ha, NC has gone to Hagan. That’s God punishing Dole for lying. Hahahahahahaha
81 to 34 - Obama as of 7:41 central!!
I feel my drink coming on - not yet, but possibly.
102 to 34 - Obama.
Woohoo! anne, yo, & myself did our part! PA, NJ, & Maine went to Obama! I’m worried about Josh. I hope he didn’t get shot in Chinktown.
174 to 49 - Obama.
Ohio and Florida still counting.
Looks like Obama has got Ohio
So far, but not completed yet, Smoggy.
New Mexico called for Obama
Dude. Why do you say that? 3% precincts reporting, 57% McCain, 42% Obama.
How can Minnesota be called for Obama when only 2% precincts reporting, 49% Obama, 49% McCain? WTF!
194 to 69 - Obama. Yes, Smoggy, Ohio looks like it pulled through. Kudos to my home State.
Nun - keep good thoughts!
199 to 78 - Obama.
Either way, we got some shity years ahead of us. Not scared of Obama, but one party rule in D.C.?
Didn’t like it when repubs had it, won’t like it when dems do either.
/// lubing up and getting ready for the satanus
207 to 89 - Obama.
207 to 129 - Obama.
207 to 135 - Obama.
You all aren’t really following this on this blog, are you? Alright then, I’ll quit my cometary.
I’ll see y’all in the morning and hope for the best.
ps: God - come ON! Please make the half black guy win.
Yes, always have been proud of being part of the Great Blue Northeast! But God’s got nothing to do with this election. It is all up to my lawn gnomes, which I arranged in a special formation tonight on the lawn. They’re surrounding an Obama sign, beaming their special powers onto it.
And Oprah will do the rest.
Woohoo!! A black man won the Presidency of the United States!!
I hope the Secret Service is vigilant when protecting that man.
Poor Jesus, remember when his land was so much bigger…
http://pages.cs.wisc.edu/~craft/bush/canada_jesusland.jpg
Woohoo! We win by a landslide!!!!! Group hug anyone? Thank you God! You made it happen!
True to Your word!
I love God so much. My heart is all full of love for Him.
Sorry, Douche but I don’t group hug unless there’s penis involved.
I understand Nun. But you gotta admit that God came through for us. He is true to His word. I love God so much too! Faith & hope has finally overcome. I am filled with love for God.
YES WE CAN!!!!
I no longer like my pink fuckface face. I want a cute face like Nun & Curtis. Can you do that for me God? My favorte color is orange, but I guess You already know that.
Sweet, sweet chiba never felt this good.
And I’m no fatty fatty boomalatty like Yo suggested earlier. I take pride in my body & what I put into it. I was not put on this earth to judge. That’s up to God. I look at fatties & though they disgust me, I have to wonder if they really have a thyroid problem. (oldest excuse in the books). Where is Josh? I’m seriously worried now.
Hey anne! How are you celebrating this historical event?
Alas, I have no chiba. But I got whiskey & moonshine & seeds. I can grow my own chiba!!!!Whoohoo!
You’ve never had God’s Divine Chiba, Anne.
Prop 8 seems to be passing in Cali. That makes me
I hate fatty fats, Douche. I kill them for God.
I don’t think the dumbasses in Cali understand Prop 8. Good for you Nun on the fatties. I try not to hate though. Except I hate satan. I really don’t give a shit what other people do. Smog can shag his sheep. I don’t care. Curtis can love dick. Not my business. You & your burro, well he got his cock pierced & hopefully his tongue too. Good for you!
Oh, and I admire anne. I’ve been reading Gods Glorius Blog for a long time now. I’m not a newbie. I been around the block. God knows.
You are all welcome.
How’d You do it, God? Divine Mind Control or random redneck smitings?
Thanks, Douchie!
How did GOD do it? By convincing a small majority of thinking Americans that using his stupid religion as a sword and shield is no way to run a country!
way to go, ethnics. now we have to take the country back for the white man…it’s going to be bloody. stupid ethnics.
Fuck you all. I haven’t been proud to be an American for 8 years but this morning, I woke up proud to be an American. Then I smoked my blessed chiba and realized we still suck. But approximately 50% of the crackas surprised me. Good job, crackas!
And I don’t know what it is about Douchie but she kind of weirds me out.
Don’t be afraid of me Nun. I’m harmless.
I’m paranoid, Douche, not delusional. I’m not afraid of you, just weirded out. Like the lizard in the Geico commercial who gets the heebie-jeebies from the old guy who follows him around. You’re givin’ me the heebie-jeebies, man.
i got a case of the willies, too.
i don’t know about you guys, but i take comfort in knowing that the president is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay smarter than me. it’s been a while since i’ve felt that way. the most powerful person on the planet should possess a lot of intellect. he needs to work on his public speaking skills, though.
I take comfort in the fact that our Vice President doesn’t think the “end of days” are upon us.
I’m a mix of feelings this morning. Elated and mildly discouraged. Obama - YES! (I cried last night) California passing Prop 8 - WTF?!? I’m SO fucking tired of being discriminated against.
Hey, God. You missed your “Ask God” column. So this can wait, I guess. But is your Armageddon countdown in your sidebar accurate, or is the world going to end in 2012? I had a friend in Indiana who wouldn’t vote because she thought it would bring on Apocalyptic disasters.
Anne: Bratwurst or pork loin, German potato salad, baked beans, cheesy chicken soup, and of course, pie. I think there might be two lettuce salads left over from last week.
2012. God is just teasing us with that 6 month countdown. Or six months of Divine Time is different from six months of Earth time and six months of Divine Time will take us into year 2012.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081105/ap_on_el_pr/minnesota_senate
I’m sure you’ve seen this, Cracka. I hope Franken can pull it off. As you live there, Cracka, did Franken do better than expected?
Damn, Curtis, I’m having pork loin for supper! But I’ll take an order of that German potato salad to go. And can you steal some nitroglycerin pills from the pharm? Thanks! You’re a doll.
johnson-290, so your friends are crazy, too?
nun, when franken first announced his attention to run it looked like his odds of even gaining the dem. nom. was about 1 in 100. the fact that he is 600 votes from winning now is something i would have never guessed when this all started. i was listening to his radio show when he announced and i remember thinking, “oh, God, this is going to be emarrassing.” but, he ran a “spirited” campaign. there was a lot of YOU’RE A LIAR! NO, YOU’RE A LIAR! NO, YOU’RE A LIAR! that’s pretty much verbatim from the debates. norm coleman was such a bushie back in ‘03 and ‘04…i hate him forever.
hey I’m back, did I miss anything?
um. yeah. we elected an atheist/muslim terrorizing/abortionizing mooley-ass/lesbian black panther party/marxist president.
and sent the skank
back to AK
I meant did I miss anything on this blog.
I am part of the newletter obama, Al b. Sure, Tiger woods, and Tymac are featured in. I knew Barack won last week.
Go ahead Josh
This one’s for you
TOny Snow, your generosity was rewarded!!!!!
Al Franken cracks me up. I wish he was running in my state.
And I’d like to take this time to humbly thank God for granting me the ability to post links.
Thanks so much, God.
Josh,
Where did you sign up for your Gravatar? I don’t want to use Gravatar.com because of the lower-case letters.
Oh Oh!! Check out my sexy new gravatar. I’m wicked bad.
FUCK!
290 - Cracka, I’ve got two loony-toony friends. One wouldn’t vote because it would bring about a terrible Apocalyptic disaster (wonder where she got that idea … hmmmm … Biden’s mouth, or McCaneToad’s ads?). The other, upon seeing the results, declared: “We have elected the anti-christ.”
Neither of these young people are Druids. The Druids are all out hugging trees this morning, and cancelling the work visas to Ireland.
I’m so happy to be ignorant about computers!
hey! we don’t have to move to NZ now!! huh. i’m kind of disappointed. i guess i was looking forward to a life of casual sex, drug abuse, and laziness.
Poor Cracka. He was under the impression that he could get sex in New Zealand.
Mother-Fucker!?
Cracka - I don’t think they like small white guy cock. Sorry.
Nun,
I just signed up at typepad. But i think something crazy is going on, because my typepad gravatar was a zombie but God turned it back to bad ass Mr T for this site only.
I was able to figure it out without your help but thanks anyway, Ching-Chong Chang.
Except I just found out from my burro that you guys can’t see my slutty nun. MOTHER-FUCKER!!
You’d better take that burro to Four Eyes, Nun. I can see your Size-D ta tas. And I’m fuckin jealous, okay? Also, I’m not going to ask what you’re holding, because it looks like a divorce aid.
nun,
we can see your nun on the right side where it lists the last comments, but on the page here we can not.
Pray harder!
I can only see you as my spiky, mellow, blue twin.
WTF? I can see her on the page!!!!! I think there’s some screwy shit going on today with the net.
WTF!! My slutty nun is being discriminated against!!
See you pegan whore I am not the only one!
You can’t even spell pagan you fucking retard.
engrish is not not first language. Please forgive.
Nun, I’m pretty sure it’s the fundamentalists.
I wonder if it’s cookies or some shit like that. My burro changed his picture and I’m not seeing his new pic.
I wanna eat my Nun’s precious cookies!
You have to show me your wiener first.
OK. Want me to send you a pic from my phone? It’s nasty.
As the author of this blog is my witness, I can see your pretty new Nunny-thing, with her Size DDD ta-tas and her hand-held divorce aid. And your burro needs a dentist.
That’s Lucifer’s cock in my hand, Anne.
I see Slut Nun ®, too!
I wonder, is it only people who don’t have a WordPress blog who can see the SlutNun?
Anne sees me and she has a wordpress blog.
Hmmmm…Anne, ar you logged into WordPress at the moment?
i don’t have a tiny penis. for the love of God, i’ve been swift-boated. here i am denying ridiculous allegations.
Cracka, denial is the first step toward getting help.
i see nothing for nobody. but, i’m at work where the computers they give us are basically etch-a-sketches hooked up to server that is actually an abacus.
even if i post a pic of my dick it’s validity will be questioned. i have no recourse. this nixonian political maneuvering is tough to be on the wrong side of…of the wrong side on…tough on the wrong side to be? i don’t know. fuck it.
shut up, ben.
i’m sure smoggy can fix my faulty sentence for me when he wakes up. american isn’t his first language.
hey, al…i thought you were some kind of wetback? not exactly known for digging tunnels are you?
To reboot, shake the ‘laptop’ upside down.
Well done Americanos–after eight years of despising you we’ll have to start thinking nice thoughts for a while. Just think where you’d be if Gore had won in 2000 and Bush hadn’t squandered all that 9/11 goodwill we all felt.
But you don’t fool me–i know you’re really like a wounded rhino that will wake up again soon and trample us all.
BTW Nun–to me you still look like a ball of blue lint. I like nunxploitation movies though.
God, as you know we have our own piddly election this Saturday. Last night the leaders of our two main parties had a televised debate and both said they didn’t believe in You. Are you going to smite them?
cracka, do you find it tough being a victim of Nixonian political maneuvering? (you small dicked loser)
YES, I DO!!!!! this isn’t a natural postition for a cracker!
(i’ll leave that one open for everyone)
this election is working already, my wife just got a call from my racist father in law who now says (after dropping the N bomb a few times, and saying some other racist crap) that he is very proud his grand kid is going to be black!!!!
Ching Chong 08!
Wow, way to bring down the house!
I can’t believe the utter racism and all out hostility here at my stupid job now that he’s won. Before, you heard very little. It’s weird. I refuse to be unhopeful though so I just say, “Shut up, you fuckin’ bitch”.
It’s winning me friends.
Cracka - #335. Good one! I actually lol’d.
Oh, and Cracka, if you’d stop tensing up, the position wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable.
I work with a very liberal bunch, everyone was teary-eyed and happy this morning, although they kept ignoring my exclamations of “Let’s celebrate -Group Hug!”.
Cracka - Yes I am some sort of wetback. Remember, my family may have crossed a river however, your family crossed an ocean. What does that make you?
Curtis - You forgot to tell him to remember to breathe!
yoyo, next time try taking your pants off AFTER they agree to the hug.
curtis 345-that was a better FACE than i expected.
anonymous alucrad 347- that makes me a whitey whose ancestors fought in every war since they got here. UP WITH THE WHITE MAN!!!!
josh, now that a black man is “the man”, who will “you people” declare is holding you down?
also, alucard, my family used a ship thus the dry backs.
this is how dumb alaskans are:
looks like ted stevens has defended his seat. i looked that up on the series of tubes.
So has Bachmann so Minnesotans aren’t very bright either.
cracka,
Obama is half “The man”, so maybe that half can still hold the darkies down.
Seriously, things will not change overnight and like Curtis said some people are more pissed off than ever, like the dude on CBS said, “I’m no racist but I just can’t see no colored in the white house”
I hope we don’t have a repeat of JFK.
God,
Please keep Obama safe from redneck racist bungholes.
bachmann’s in congress representing a district that is comprised of rich, white old people. so, it’s not like we all got to vote against her there, smarty-pants.
I’m working on a Charlie Brown Hanukkah Special: “You’re a Mensch, Charlie Brown!”
Maybe something for the Druids: “You Killed the Tree of Life, Charlie Brown!”
that’s true, josh. you always bring such valid perspective to the conversation…and you’re so well spoken (for a blacky black ching chong)
I think instead of being held down by “the man” now they’ll be held down by climate change.
I heard someone else complain about the White House not being so white anymore and I reminded them that at least he isn’t a Spic - you can NEVER get the stink out of the carpet with those people. The irony was lost on her, but it made me feel better.
what kind of a weird place do you live? if people talked like that here they would get fired.
Do I have a Wordpress blog? How the hell should I know? My weblog is at Blogger. And when I signed in here for the first time, God wanted to know my name, my email, my website (which is my Blogger blog), how many times I masturbate in a day, and do I do anal? So Nun, I hope that answers your question.
Druids are absolutely delighted with this election. You just can’t imagine.
I don’t know where Curtis lives, but given the food in his cafeteria, it can’t be a place that ’s real kind to colored folks.
heh… heh.. the Black House has a good ring to it. Maybe to compensate all the staff should be white.
On the plus side, the food must be rapidly killing them off.
“colored”
is white a color? most white people are actually a kind of shade of peachish off-white beige…does that mean i’m colored?
Curtis, do you roll them for their wallets before alerting Security?
smoggy-362-try public enemy.
Cracka, there was some Indian tribe who insisted the White explorers were red.
I sure wouldn’t mind being held down by “the man”. Oh wait… you guys weren’t talking about sex, were you?
public enemy and nwa were my first contact with the coloreds. as a young person in whiteville we were taught that mean rich guys had slaves. then lincoln freed the slaves. yay! but, some people were still mean to them…until martin luther king made them stop. yay! now everything is fine. it was through the hippety-hops that i first learned of police brutality and life in the projects. i never turned into one of those annoying wiggers, though.
Ff course we were nun-what else do we talk about? Everything is about sex (except sex).
yoyo-367, must’ve been sunburnt and chapped from the salty ocean air.
Oh, good. I was worried that you all would think I’m a slut or something, Smoggy. I do so love it when “the man” holds me down. I have a slight submissive streak.
i don’t think they had spf back then. stupid olden days people.
re: “colored”
I’m still laughing about my friend in WV who was making cold phone calls for Obama. She got some old redneck on the line, and he said, “Whelp, I guess we’re gonna vote for the colored boy.”
There’s a little borough near here that has a “colored cemetery.” The town took all the black Civil War soldiers, because at that time the federal cemeteries wouldn’t bury black soldiers with white soldiers. So there’s a little “colored cemetery” near here with over 100 Civil War soldiers, including one who won the Congressional Medal of Honor.
Sounds like a good place to leave my Obama/Biden lawn sign, eh?
she does has a submissive streak. i don’t even have to sneak the roofies into her drinks anymore. she just asks for them.
holy crap, johnson. that is fucked up.
yes, you should put an obama sign by every grave, actually.
Cracka,
Everybody here is smart enough to figure that if you’d actually had me, you would have known about my submissive streak previously and would have already talked about it non-stop.
I’m sorry, Cracka but even submissives like to know that a cock has been inserted into their vagina and not a pinky finger.
nun’s running out of material.
still paranoid, though.
i thought you’d go with something along the lines of
if i have to touch your smelly old shrivelled dick i’d rather be unconscious…nope, just your standard small penis joke.
Nun has no material. She is simply honest.
A cock that is the size of a pinky finger is nothing to joke about, Cracka.
nun is right, pinky penis is no joke, unless you’re in the locker room, then all the guys around you laugh, except the gays, they weep for you. BA-Zing!
I live in a VERY small town in a central State. It’s a hilly region, but not mountainous. Our town sits on a major US river. Does that give you enough clues? We do have a few liberals and even a very nice colored family that I happen to be friends with. So, really, I’m friends with every single colored in this town.
True story: up until the mid 1970s, there was a sign on the bridge that came into our town, “You’d better not let the sun set on your black ass. No coloreds on this side of the bridge after dark”.
No lie.
We don’t necessarily weep, Josh, but we sure don’t take your phone number. Ba-da-zing!
curtis, what happened if a colored didn’t beat the sunset across the bridge. was it as dramatic as the end of bram stoker’s dracula?
Wow, Curtis, your town sounds harsh. The sign on the bridge in my town says CASH LANE $5.00/ EZ PASS.
Couldn’t have been a very friendly little village to be gay in either.
It’s not where I grew up, so I don’t know, Anne. There is a strange mix of artist types and eccentrics that gives the place an interesting flavor. Lots of transplants, so it’s more liberal than it was and not too bad a place to live at all.
We still have our outspoken bigots, though. It’s sad.
Cracka, I believe the Sheriff and his “boys” would escort said colored offender either across the bridge or over it. I’m not certain the correct protocol.
We had the Mothman at our bridge back home in West Virginia. He was color blind. Killed everyone. Or told them a prophecy. It’s no fun crossing a bridge if you don’t think the Mothman is lurking underneath it.
hmm…interesting. the bridge in my town had a sign that said “metrodome-next right” but i think the sign was washed down the mississippi river when the bridge collapsed.
Our bridges are prone to sinking.
in the incredibly cold and white town i grew up in–duluth, mn–a great place for hippies and musicians who wish to be underrated, i might add–there are two bridges leading over the lake superior harbor to the much more lax liquor laws in superior, wi–a terrible place for everyone but hardcore alcoholics, i might add–named the bong bridge and the high bridge. true story.
cracka you’re story only reinforces the stereotype that white people a) are crazy and b) can get away with whatever they want.
Hope and Chong 08
yes, josh, it’s true. we are crazy. though we generally try to keep it butterfly net crazy instead of butcher knife crazy. every once in a while a serial killer slips through. they’re the only ones who get punished for their misdeeds, coincidentally. weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it’s about that time for us normal hemisphere people to leave work and get drunk and for upside down, wrong day smoggy to wake up and rebut everything we said all day.
ben, you know what to do.
the rest of you………………………..fuck off.
Where the fuck is Ben? Or has he been masquerading as a bitch?
nun,
I wish I could see your new pic! But you look like a flattened spider.
I wish you could see it too, Josh. It makes me hot when Ching-Chongs look at my voluptuous ta-tas and know they can never have them.
I can see them now!!!!!!
all i had to do was delete all my cookies and my temp internet files!
Nun you so nasty.
That was me! I see her boobs! Josh sees her boobs!
I see them too, and why aren’t mine like that? Life is not fair!
Josh is quickened by Nun’s boobs! Has Smoggy seen this yet? Lock the fucking paddock!
Cracka must have spent more time in Superior, WI than in Duluth, MN. Which are both inferior to Detroit, MI and Camden, NJ.
Josh,
You be right, my brother, I am nasty.
That’s what I’d say to you if you were black and not a chink but since you are a chink…
You like those don’t ya, Ching-Chong? Take a fucking picture cuz you’re never puttin’ your yellow digits on my precious titties.
Aw come on, Nun. Give the yellow lad a feel. The difference between you and me is like the difference between pomegranates and prunes.
Equal opportunity boob-grabs has always been my policy. Ever give an Asian a feel? He’ll play Second Life all night long and give you every linden in his pocket.
You do have a good point, Anne.
Alright, Josh. You can touch them but you’re not putting that icky Asian penis in my vajayjay!
Wow Nun… Wow Nun… Wow Nun… You are one hot sister… i’ll throw all my sheep over for a tit job from you.
What about it? You lube up the grand canyon between your fun bags, and I’ll slide my meat stick between them (it will just fit) and hump away happily.
Smoggymilk is very good for the skin you know…
I’d fuck you…but I’m not taking sloppy seconds to cracka, even in his dreams
I hope God doesn’t smite me for my new Gravatar. I hope God gets a Divine Boner from my new Gravatar because then I’ll feel like I’ve given Him something for all He’s done for me.
Where’d Douche go? Did she leave because she gave me the heebie-jeebies? I’m fucking paranoid! A lot of things give me the heebie-jeebies.
No titty sex?
Anal then…
I give myself the heebie-jeebies. Always have…
Ya did the girl thing nun. Another chickie turned up and just because ‘your boys’ thought she was a bit cute, you turned on her and cut her out of the pack.
(Boy conflict…a but of swearing, a few punches and it’s all friends. Girl conflict…straight to the death, with pre-mortem mutilation if possible.)
Nun, in a vision God has told me you need to make it up to Douche or you will lose your luscious titty avatar. But don’t worry, for He has explained to me His plan (I hope I get this right):
1. You have to invite her for a threesome at which I, S. Batzrubble, also am commanded to appear.
2. The Lord says I am to let both of you lick my meatstick together.
3. After you have done that (and various other practices of which I will mention more later) you’ll be the best of friends and your avatar will be safe for now.
4. You are to remind Douche that Smoggymilk is good for the skin.
Is this all correct Lord?
Why is Smoggymilk good for the skin?
It has a high lanolin content on account of all the ovine sex he involves himself in.
Remember, it’s almost 2012, so…
VOTE EARLY
VOTE OFTEN
VOTE ALASKAN SKANK
Smog,
I don’t recall anybody ever saying Douche was cute. Not a diss on Douche, just saying that I don’t recall anybody saying she was cute. What I do recall is a lot of complimenting of Anne and I and some worrying about Josh. Maybe you should pay more attention because proving yourself a moron is not going to earn you front row tickets to girl-on-girl action.
All hail thee! Noblest Smoggy.
For being prepared to do doggy,
With Nun and with Douche,
Who admitted the truth,
That the thought of your cock makes them soggy.
Hey Smog,
When that guy down the street keeps yelling “retard”, he’s talking to you.
DOUCHE IS CUTE
Douche is cute
douche is cute
is cute
is cute
cute
cute
[squark: “Douch is a cutie” squark’
Mos Def laid the smackdown on some photographer guy. I would so totally fuck Mos Def.
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/warrant%20issued%20for%20mos%20defs%20arrest_1085780
Shouldn’t you be in bed nun? Isn’t it late in the Obamanation? Put the cap on the bottle…stub out your joint…shut down the porn site…take the batteries out of your vibrator and…GET…SOME…SLEEP
Either that, our rub your clit while you fantasize about my monstrous shaft sliding smoothly in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…in and out…
I do so love that black push-up bra doing things to your smoothly mounded nun-bags.
I’ll have to get me an avatar. A ram with massive testicles ought to do it.
I don’t usually go to bed at 6 in the fucking evening, retard. I take it back, retarded would mean God loves you and you’re too stupid for God to love.
I’m sure God hates retards. But it’s well known He loves stupid people, He’s got a whole big book about them from Adam onwards.
So what’s your bed like nun? Is it huge with silk sheets? Does it smell moist?
Nun, your new avatar gives me a raging erection. well done my lady.
I do it all for God, Psycho but He probably won’t mind if you enjoy it too. God is really generous like that, sometimes.
You know, when I first discovered this site, I was amazed. For a full minute. I thought “omg, this guy isnt a crack head, there are no ads on this site” but then, i saw the shitgle ads and realized I was wrong, you are a crack head. Bet your sitting in front of your mailbox right now, waiting for that ShitSense check so you can get you a nice fresh bag!!! Fucking ad infested piece of shit site, ITS YOUR FAULT THE INTERNET HAS BECOME A FUCKING CORPORATE SHITPILE. YOURS.
#425: Shouldn’t you be at a meeting?
Oh, wait. That’s AA. My bad. Shouldn’t you be handing out road maps?
I think the triple As are his initials.
Arrogant Anal Asshole
Maybe he is a Lucha Libre wrestler?
Asistencia Asesoría y Administración
I don’t know, Baal… his grasp of the English language is better than any wrestler I’ve ever seen.
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