Prepare thyself to get fucked in the ass! The KING of Darkness speaks!
Hey everybody! How you doing? I’m fucking great. I just completed my takeover of Heaven, and I’m feeling fucking fantastic.
With Hell overflowing with deliciously evil souls, me and a billion of my demonhorde stormed the gates of Heaven last night, only to find St. Peter was away on vacation and his substitute was dumb as shit. Getting past the gates was fucking easy.
After we’d sliced the wings off and decapitated every last baby-faced cherubim angel fuckstick, we set about depriving the seraphim of their lives and then feasted on their sweet, sweet wing meat. I still expected a tough fight from God, but when we stormed his palace I found him passed the fuck out on the throne from an apparent ether-binge. I banished him and his lover Gaybriel to Hell and am now fully in charge of this bitch. I’ve already anally raped Mary, Jesus and Joseph 10 times each, and left my demons to continue raping them. As I write this, Jesus has been sucking on my balls and gagging on my evil monster cock for five hours straight, only taking breaks to beg me for mercy. This is by far the best I’ve ever felt.
I also poked around God’s study and used my superior hacking skills to take over his pitiful little blog. I figure I’ll use this venue to vent about some of the shit that’s been bugging me. To begin with, just to think that God would fucking complain about anything fucking really fucks with me. He has no idea what pain and suffering is. Yet.
The point is, God’s a fucking asshole. He hates everything thats awesome, like rock and roll and anal sex, and all I can say is the future with me in charge is gonna fucking ROCK. More to come in the eternity ahead.
Your friend,
The Devil
Gene on 
ronpaulcandidate on 
jetaDeelp on 
Nun Ur Damned Bizness on 
The Ender on 
Fucking Great!
This blog has turned to crap lately,
since we all know what He hates.
Between the usual Christian claptrap, the Druid nonsense and the general who is how gay and what’s in your pussy, it’s all gotten really really really boring.
So tell us, oh King of Darkness, What is it YOU hate? … I mean besides that punk Himself?
Perhaps he hates heterosexual cartoon characters and any pizza that contain onions….
To begin with, I hate people who call themselves “Master”, which applies to both of you. I’M YOUR FUCKING MASTER! PREPARE TO BE ASS-RAPED!
And get me some pepperoni pizza. I haven’t had any in aeons.
holy shit. this is too much. how gay is baal and what’s in his pussy?
ether binge…that’ll get you every time.
“there is nothing more helpless and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge.”
-hst
DAMN YOU SATANUS!!! DAMN YOU!!! WHEN I BUST OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE YOU ARE SO FUCKED!
I like how God’s cell in hell has internet.
God doesn’t need the internet to post on the internet. He can just think it…why doesn’t He just think His way out of there? this is all very confusing to us mere mortals.
i’ve got a problem. as a cracker i simply side with whoever wins because that’s where the money is. what to do?
Druid nonsense indeed. Up yours, Baal. You’ll get no more plugs from me at my blog!
Whoops! I’m not putting on my dress triangle for Satan! Say, how can we tell the difference between God and Satan anyway? Or is that question just Druid nonsense! (pissed)
yeah, druid nonsense.
lucifer, what kind of smitings can we expect and for what offenses? also, how long do you think you’ll be able to defend your positions in heaven?
(phillies are one game away. since they’re a philadelphia team this is the part where they fall apart, right?)
SATAN, IF YOU MAKE THE PHILLIES FALL APART, I WILL BEAT YOU WITH AN OAKEN STAFF UNTIL YOU WHIMPER FOR MERCY!
With this prick in charge now that explains so much of idiotic, mind blowing stupid morons who are in charge.
Cracka,
But if all God has to do is think it, why doesn’t He think Lucy dead? Why doesn’t He think Rock and Roll gone? I’m so confused.
Don’t forget to watch Obama’s 30 minute special on Wed. I just hope he doesn’t eff it up and say something that the GOP can latch on to like “spread the wealth around”!!!
“I like how God’s cell in hell has internet.”
Ahhh, but it’s dialup!
Satan, I’ve got a question: EVIL is LIVE spelled backwards. Coincidence?
anne, does your daughter really have MRSA?
God’s computer in hell is a PET. He only has internet and Miser (God to get out of the hedge maze it’s S-N-N-S)
Speaking of Hell…
What does Satan dress up as for Halloween? An angel? A Druid?
I heard Satan and Jesus wear the same costume:
A raging heterosexual
The horror….the horror…
No, no, no, Josh!! You’re going to get God lost. In order to get out of the hedge maze he has to go North, East, North, North, West, North.
God,
I know you have no use for the assistance of mere mortals but I got Your Divine Back, Dude. Just let me know what You need.
Nun,
I remember that crappy game Miser, the hedge maze is S-N-N-S! Miser was so crapy it had no graphics! It was a crappy game with you going into an old house and the door locking and you have to get out of the house.
You had to type in everything like “Look left” or “Pick up key”. It was the worst game ever, but it’s all we had in a crappy public school. My asian parents were disappointed.
I was thinking of the Lost Woods in Link, The Legend of Zelda. I’m not sure I gave Him correct directions though.
And you think you had it bad, Ching-Chong Chinky? Try having NO video games in school.
When I was in school, even high school, computers only existed at the Pentagon and MIT.
Yes, Yo Yo, my daughter has MRSA. We counted — she’s been on antibiotics four times this year. Thank you for asking.
As for Jealous (who now is also Stupid), he’s not in a computer game maze, he’s in a CORN maze. And the lady in the tower with the bull horn is Asherah. Yikes! God is fucked.
You’re lying Anne! Some people had computers in their house I saw Wargames!!!!
The only winning move is not to play
the ads that show on God’s site are hilarious
has anyone else noticed that God has a countdown to the rapture now? looks like we only have 6 months to live. think i’ll have a beer.
I don’t think God was stupid, He was just fucked up.
When I was in school, all we had were ‘0’s and ‘1’s - none of this fancy ‘Windows’ crap. Sometimes we didn’t even have ‘0’s!
What was the computer game named ‘Miser’? Loong after my time.
And ‘The Oregon Trail’? I didn’t have to play the game - I lived it!
Yo Yo,
do you remember PET computers?
I remember in college we had to learn how to type/write in binary in different values of base-2. What an effing waste of time.
Pssst….God, Smoggy here, in disguise…can you hear me in your cell on your dial-up Mac classic 4/40?
I’ve heard a rumor that there’s an illegal back door out of hell that comes up inside a Noo Zillund volcano. Want me to try and find it for you?
CRACKA: You side up with me, that’s what you do. As for your second question, my Reign of Terror shall strike awe and fear in all your little hearts. My smitings will be dished out totally at random to keep you all on your toes. As always, you may inquire within for a better deal.
JOHNSON: The difference between God and I is that one of us is awesome and all-powerful and the other one IS IN HELL’S COMPUTER LAB SCOURING THE INTERNET ON DIAL-UP TRYING TO FIND A WAY BACK HOME.
YO-YO: No.
NUN: You’re now number one on MY list of top disciples. It says so right there on the right column of MY blog. So you better decide whose back you got quickly, because God was never very forgiving in His dealing with my top disciples.
HEY AMERICANS!
VOTE EARLY…
VOTE OFTEN…
VOTE ALASKAN SKANK…
SMOGGY! I-DAMN-IT!
Excuse me your Luciferishness,
If it should turn out that I am to be sent hellward and tormented, can I be punished by same of those huge-breasted she demons that face-sit unto suffocation?
pssst…God…servant Smoggy again. I’ve got sixty million cloned bionic sheep scouring all the volcanoes. When you see sheep raining down into the nether depths you’ll know they’ve found the way out. Just follow the trail of sheep carcasses upwards.
PS If you need divine energy, the young ewes barbecue nicely. If you’re not hungry you can always fuck them.
Satan,
I love you and your boxed cock, I really do. But my heart lies with God and He knows that.
Sincerely,
Nun
P.S. Want to come over for drinks on Saturday?
Does God fuck sheep?
Geez Nun, what a perverse question. Who would fuck sheep (apart from Alaskans)? Such a sick idea…God only does it with underage virgins.
Lucy–is it true your schlong can divide and do multiple fuckings at the same time?
Boy, God is going to be SO pissed when he gets home. I bet he sounds just like Desi Arnez.
“Lucy, you got some splainin’ to do!”
Smoggy’s jealous of Lucifer! But why would Smoggy want to multiply his schlong … to do the whole herd instead of one ewe?
Hey, Your Luciferness:
Who’s gonna run New Jersey now that you’ve taken over heaven?
As a side note: Tomorrow is the feast day of St. Jude Thaddeus (my patron Saint) as well as patron Saint to the Beatles.
Let it be.
God may deflower virgins, but they had to put poor Rosemary into a trance before she would part them for Lucifer. Then they told her it was … a bad dream!
hold thy tongue foul witch (I mean Anne)
New Jersey is the Garden State, the only crappy parts are near New York, and Philly, and Trenton, and Atlantic City, but the rest is all cows and corn.
Curtis, did you know that many “saints” are Gods and Goddesses taken from older religions?
The crappy part of New Jersey begins at the Delaware Bay and ends in the Catskill Mountains.
if jersey is so bad why is it that so many new yorkers come to seaside every summer to ruin it by blasting crappy radio and looking like douchebags and whores?
Dirty Jerz Rulz!!!
New Jersey is more polluted than Nun’s vagina.
Smiggy,
Thank you for your efforts. Any help at this point is appreciated. Hell totally sucks ass.
As for the rest of you:
Every last blasphemous traitor will die as soon as I get out of here. Especially you Johnson.
Josh, there are 10 kinds of people; those that can count in binary, and those that can’t. (Old engineer’s joke)
I never heard of a PET computer. what is it?
a PET computer was a bare bones computer for schools, and it was horrible. It ran on DOS and it sucked.
c:/> dir/w
God, we have tattooed Hell’s floor plans onto Nun’s chestal regions, and are having her sent to Hell.
The escape plan is detailed under her left breast.
Cracka has been told off to hide the explosives, Holy Water, and crack team of jailbreakers on Nun’s body. He assures me there is room for more, if needed.
Josh, was this it?
http://www.old-computers.com/museum/computer.asp?c=191
HEY!!!
Sorry Nun - Cracka was told to warm up the crowbars before inserting them.
Yo Yo…Good plan. Do you want to squeeze in a few of my bionic sheep in case the rescuers get hungry (or horny)?
(Nun…did you cum while they were tattooing your titties?)
Baal,
You are an annoying douchebag and you add absolutely nothing of value to this blog. You therefore have no right to complain about anything.
STFU
I just wish you would have talked to me about this previously because just like men, you’ve managed to fuck it up. Did you consider the tattoos that already exist on my chest and how they might confuse The Almighty One and send Him on a journey for naught? Did you consider God’s Divine Hatred for women and how He might not appreciate a woman being sent to help His Divine Escape? Did you consider anything before you decided this ill-conceived plan was a winner? Way to go, idiots.
You call yourself American Psycho and the best you can do are a few lame insults. Where is the hate? Where are the gross serial killer threats to maim aDd mutilate?
LIFT YOUR GAME OR CHANGE YOUR NAME!
Sorry Baal. That was rather rude. What I meant to say was:
Kindly STFU
You’re a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.
Nun, we needed a large surface area to work with, and we had the old ‘tats lasered off.
And this is your chance for all womenkind, maybe God will look on you more kindly.
Smoggy - good call on the sheep, please provide them with several day’s worth of food and water. We’ll set up a corral next to the Hummer.
No - the green one, not the red.
As usual, Johnson thumbs her nose at God and all his idle threats. Because if God was nice to Anne, she might give him ruby slippers to get his stringy ass out of hell. But no! I’ll give them to the little girl down the street who wants to be Dorothy on Halloween!
If tattooing an escape route on Nun’s chest is not practical, maybe one of you toadies would be willing to have his butt cheeks tattooed … any takers?
Yo Yo,
that’s a PET computer. What a piece of shit. The ones we had at school where even worse than this crap, and there was a full time staff dude who was in charge of the computers. That job couldn’t have been any easier if it was Nun.
God,
Rumor has it that if You click your heals 3 times and say there’s no place like home, You’ll be back in Your divine home in no time. Either that or You can throw some divine lightening up Lucy’s ass, while he’s paralized with pleasure you can escape. For the record, I never turned on You my Lord even if Your promises to me never come true.
Sorry anne - we took a vote.
Nun lost.
Oh, I don’t know about that. Hell’s a party. I’ll get to God when I get to Him. Don’t send a search party if I take too long. And remember that I tried to warn ya.
Josh - I escaped the PET computer - no comps in high school, the University library got a few IBMs for student use. We had to take turns, people in line would kibitz and argue about how something was coded.
Most of my work was done in FORTRAN, on the school’s mainframe.
Yes, on punch cards!
Anne,
if you tattooed a map on any one of this rag rat groups butt cheaks God would think the path to get out would be across a dark forest with a valley of death and dispare in the middle.
Psycho,
On behalf of all the other douchebags
who don”t add any value to this blog,
I thank you for your derision.
Vote Baal ‘08!
Jesus Yo Yo,
PETs in high school! I was in first grade using these shits.
You’ve got old balls.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4AcgjQmpsU
They made us learn FORTAN freshman year, even though it’s as useful as a kick in the balls. They said it would help us learn basic programming logic (without learning BASIC). It seems my entire life has been learnign shit I don’t ever use.
I’ve never seen a punch card in my life. My dad worked with them though.
[heh...Baal and Psycho a formidable duo. Like Batman and Robin (only faggier)--or perhaps McCain/Palin in a friendlier guise]
ANNE–I can’t fint another map on my arse–I already have a scale map of New Zealand tattooed right across it. My left buttock has the South Island. my right buttock has the North Island, and my butt crack is (quite remarkably) a perfect scale model of Cook Strait, complete with incessant wind.
Come to think of it–that nasty, gaping black hole in the centre might be the secret entrance to hell. I’ll drop a few sheep down God and see what happens.
exactly Josh! you hit the nail on the head. that’s what life is all about right there. nothing but learning stupid bullshit and then trying to catch up as fast as you can to figure out what you actually need to know.
Josh, I went to a rural school, so there was no money available for computers. They’ve since improved!
I wish school had internships first, before I’d wasted three and a half years! I never used anything I learned as an engineering student.
Is this another one of those Bush era regime changes? I think I’m all for this one!
Josh,
FORTRAN is the Latin of computers!
I first learned computers using a Data General minicomputer. The only ways to communicate with it were to flip the bit switches on the front, or use Teletype punched paper tape (like a player piano roll). The teachers said it was cutting edge, but we knew even then it was ultra lame.
okay. list of things i inserted into nun’s roofied twat. come to think of it, i suppose i didn’t have to roofy her for this. well, while i’m down here, didn’t anyone forget anything in this place? it’s freakin’ huge in here. i feel like i’m at a planetarium. anyway, i can keep an eye out for any lost items. what the fuck is this? okay. i think it’s zeus’ cockring. it’s like a valve ring from a steam locomotive…nevermind.
map of hell.
a bottle of booze.
flashlight.
batteries.
canned tuna.
toilet paper (You’ll thank us later, Sir)
okay, half a bottle of booze.
does God poop?
why are we sending toilet paper?
okay, a third of a bottle of booze.
i’m not really anonymous.
who compiled that list of stuff? what is God, macgyver?
Pssst…hey God, spotted any bionic sheep yet?
Cracka, from where did you get a map of Hell? Dante?
yoyo gave it to me. funny, it looks like an upside down map of maine.
Baal would know ultra lame.
This group of turkeys won’t even get God to that ring where all the lawyers are milling about getting poked by demons.
Anne loves Dante. And “Paradise Lost.” (Nod to Lucifer).
All the lawyer’s are in the second lowest circle. The bottom is reserved for Wall St. CEOs, televangelists, and young earth creationists. SatANUS won’t have God down that far…even he knows that some things are beyond the pale.
God you’ll know us rescuers by our password–it’s an anagram of Dante and Milton—”Ad Molten Tin”.
ummm…sorry, correction “Lone Damn Tit”…
…or was it “I don’t lament”?
Have to get back to you on that one God
(maybe it was “Mean Old Tit N”)
lawyers…lawyers….
Don’t worry about God. He’s been banging hot chicks and is really fucked up on He only knows what. I’ll try not to cast aspersions about willy nilly but I’d say He’s having a fairly good time. I’m going to go back to banging hot guys and smoking tons of chiba but I’ll keep my eye on our Almighty Lord.
SATAN, GOD, WHO THE FUCK EVER. STOP THIS COLD RAIN ON PHILLY RIGHT THIS FUCKIN MINUTE!!!!! YOU CAUSE PHILLY TO LOSE THE WORLD SERIES, I WILL MISSIONARY THE REST OF MY LIFE, AND CONVERT UNTOLD MILLIONS OF TITHING CHRISTIANS TO DRUIDISM!
STOP THE RAIN NOW!
I mean it, fuckers. Word.
Anne is so pissed…
… that no matter how much Josh hates it …
… she is gonna forge onward to 100…
because there’s NO FUCKIN REASON FOR LUCIFER TO HATE THE PHILLIES…
No one believes that “City of Brotherly Love” shit!
… except tourists and morons like Baal.
Lucifer! If this game is called for rain, I declare JIHAD on your religion! I’ll have choir boys hugging friggin oak trees instead of their priests!
MAY THIS RAIN ON PHILADELPHIA PUT OUT THE FIRES OF HELL!
“Smegma Batshit” is probably lurking to do God’s handiwork …
But VENGEANCE IS MINE, SAYETH THE DRUID!
Rain, rain, go away. Come again some other day. LITTLE ANNIE WANTS TO SLAY.
All of my greatest suspicions have just been confirmed….
Damn it, Damn it, Damn It….!!!!!
But at least you do poke me back on Facebook
Didn’t read the thread…
Did you do something with Tony?
“Smegma Batshit”? I self-insult better than that. Not only do you druids support crap teams, you are sadly lacking in imagination.
Dear Christian the Jew
Shut up and sod off!
sincerely
Smoggy
As Bon Scott would sing: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be!
How is Bonny doing these days?
So, Lou, do we get to know what you HATE?
Lay it on us!
Dear Smoggy Batzrubble,
Empty the hamsters from you anal cavity and I’m sure you will be more sociable.
Damn, God’s not in heaven anymore.
No wonder everyone from my home group went drinking tonight….
By the way Smoggy…
Your not you…
Have fun with the hampsters
Dude…
If you’re going to correct my grammar, at least spell the shit correctly…
Quitter!!!!!
Lucifer,
You are so gonna get your ass kicked
when God gets bored with letting you
goof around on His Blog.
Or maybe you’ll just end up looking like Hellboy …
And where is Bridgette?
I hear she got a hottie gravatar!
Dear Christian the Jew: Those hampsters are a small, self-contained colony with an occupancy agreement. I will be sued if I evict them. How can you say I’m not sociable.
Dear alcoholic Eddie: fuck off you drunk fuck!
Yours in kindness and alcoholic fraternity, Smoggy
Dear Tony–Bridgette is a sanctimonious cunt. She tried to fob off Christian responsibility for child abuse with some scriptural ravings. I hate her and all who sail in her.
Good morning, all you members of Ocean’s 14! We’re going to bust God out of Hell!
Many thanks to Smoggy for loading up all the stuff we need. The American bar was a nice touch! Errr… a gerbil just jumped out of your pants, squeaking something about Richard Gere…
well, as long as lucifer is acting God for a while he might as well smite some shit. since lucifer’s in heaven do we have to capitalize for him, too? fuck, i’m confused. why did we send nun to hell to rescue God? we know she’s stoned all the time…which one of us is usually sober?
lucifer, i am going to see tenacious d on saturday. if i manage to steal the bong of destiny back from those fat fucks what will it get me?
Cracka, I’m sober.
I have two rules about drinking:
I never drink at work.
And when I’m not at work, I don’t need to drink.
Anne,
It was God who made it rain. It rained so that the game would be postponed so all the idiot Phillies fans who think baseball is more important than the greatest election of our lifetime would not be pissed at Barack for delaying the opening of this game with his 30 minute blah blah blah.
and BTW 100 was a cheap shot!!!!
okay, so we need to send you to NZ so you can follow smoggy’s bionic sheep from his arse to hell’s back door so that you can retrieve the tools we need from nun’s vagina, which has been slopped up by all the jizm in hell, to spring God from hell’s computer lab, which runs nothing but oregon trail, so that He can sober up long enough to kick lucifer out of heaven…because for some reason, even though He hates us, we want God in charge…even though His rules suck. got that?
josh, duh…God’s not in charge right now, duh. it couldn’t have been Him who made it rain, duh. duh.
oh I’m sorry Cracka, I thought we were talking about God the Almighty who can do whatever He wants. Rain is a cheap parlor trick, it’s not like He is in hell and made Tori Spelling hot.
Dang it cracka, type slower!
Cracka, those tools we left in Nun’s vayjay, did we buy the optional insurance when we rented them? Did we get flood insurance?
josh-that would be a true miracle.
yo-
um.
shit.
nun’s paying for those tools!!! stupid whore.
Hey Lucifer? What do you hate already? Here’s what I think:
Daisies
Bright light
Sesame Street
God and Jesus
what do the rest of you think Satan would hate?
Dammit, we’re going to lose the deposit because of Nun’s deposits!
Psycho:
Kittens
Mr. Rogers
Mr. Rogers and kittens.
satan hates:
fat girls named bridgette
brussel sprouts
exorcism
satan hates:
non anal sex
white people
redemtion
trimming his facial hair
flannel shirts
non internet based porn
priests who touch children (he’s the devil, he’s not Hitler!)
I tried to find that Chappelle bit about how people are so evil the Devil refuses to hang out with them, but I can’t.
Devil: See that kid over there? I think I’m goign to go and..
Devil’s Friend: touch his ball??!??!? Yes I am down with that!
Devil: Whoa, I was going to say punch him in the face. You’re sick man, I can’t do this anymore……
Lucifer is W.C. Fields. Anyone get that?
ooops. taking off dressy clothes now …
this blog sucks. i’m banning it.
I AM NOT A WHORE!!
I don’t know why you all are so keen to save God. We already know what He hates, and Lucifer hasn’t chimed in on what he hates. So maybe we hate more of the things Lucifer hates than the things God hates.
They ought to have a hate-off.
I love God but He’s having a hell of a good time in hell right now so I haven’t tried to save Him yet. I also worry that He’ll kick my ass for trying to save Him.
if He’s happy we should let Him go.
in that case, all hail Lucifer! what are the new rules, Sir?
and you aren’t technically a whore. but, you are totally a whore.
on behalf of unpleasant jew i unban this blog. where the fuck is ben? shut up, ben.
i’m shutting up! what the f
that’s more like it. there has been a coup in heaven…and now that God is in hell, He doesn’t want to come home. and jesus is officially out of the closet. fuck! it’s a crazy day to believe in stupid religious crap!!! it’s so crazy i’m even asking ben what we should do!! ben!!! what should we do!!!!
Yeah, come on satANUSlucyloo vilehell-spawn, tell us what you hate. Be creative, don’t just hate heavenly things. And explain to us why we shouldn’t break God out so he can give you forced simultaneous anal and oral with your own schlong?
Frankly, I think you’re just a wannabee goody-goody. Do you really want heaven with its clouds, harps and eternal praise-singing? Isn’t hell more fun?
Red-faced loser!
Smoggy is very religious. Now I’m convinced he actually lives in Kansas.
yeah. Satan is an asshole. what should we do cracka? I say fuck God. i’m following Lucifer now.
God has the biggest cock I’ve ever seen!! It’s a Beautiful and Divine Penis.
looks like we’re picking sides. i’m going with Satan. he likes all the same things i do.
shit. how can i be expected to pick a side before i know who’s going to have control of all the money? i’m playing both sides as a war profiteer. make your checks payable to crackaburton, inc. and we’ll build you some overpriced crap that you don’t need. i’m not kidding. i don’t care if two men fuck on my desk as long as money is coming out of one of their asses.
crackaburton, inc. is now seeking devoted employees to work in foreign lands. see exotic heaven and get paid!! interested parties apply within.
Point of clarification, Cracka. When men fuck, it’s not money that comes out of their asses. Don’t be a Dick….
I’m not picking a side until i see the first debate.
BTW - the number of people who visit this site and post comments seem to be goign down by the minute.
you think so Josh? seems like the same 6 or 7 people to me.
it used to be many more than 6 or 7.
even the regulars don’t post as much. I mean Ben is actually shutting up, this is the firts time he listened.
Josh: “The number of people who visit this site seem to be goign down by the minute.”
That’s what she said.
It’s true Josh–there is a small hard-core of degenerate fanatics posting. Where are the others? Zeus has gone. The FSM hasn’t been here for ages.
Is it possible that our hyper-offensive repartee has scared off the average punter? Or is God just not being hateful enough? Maybe he needs more, brutal smitings. Perhaps other posters will return after the election. Perhaps the atheists have won and God is becoming increasingly irrelevant.
Based on God’s Divine Facebook, there are plenty of lurkers.
It’s probably me. I’ve noticed that when I walk into a room full of people, pretty soon they all drift away somewhere else. It’s been that way since high school.
Bloodvork, what happened to your red … whatever it was?
Common Satan.
Gotta hate something sooner or later.
Don’t tell me that God has more devoted followers than you do?
By the way, did you already ass-rape Ben?
He seems under-stimulated.
The icon of my triangle with the bloodvark snout and tongue is registered to Wordpress. I don’t feel like playing about with gravatars.com for a temporary avatar.
FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN JEW!
bloodvork,
let Ben tell you how to do it, he’s the master of switching gravatars.
Yeah, how do you change the gravatars? I want to change mine to a picture of a nun getting fucked.
I think all you scummy lurkers should conquer your pathetic fear of divine wrath and say something.
You! YES…YOU! I’M TALKING TO YOU!! How long have you been slinking around here like a neutered voyeur getting your little frisson of thrill at this naked blasphemy? Don’t you think it’s time you said something?
Come on…don’t be a pussy….post on God’s blog today. Open yourself up to divine wrath, humiliation, abuse and foul sexual innuendo. You know you want to.
POST … SOMETHING … NOW … YOU … COWARDLY … FUCKERS
No.
GOOD WOARK ROARK
—NOW, WHO’S NEXT?
We’re all so mean and vicious, Smoggy. Did it ever occur to you that some of these lurkers are afraid of being victimized by all us heathens? No, it didn’t. Because you’re a selfish fucking heathen who thinks only of yourself. You fucking prick!
I hope Zeus didn’t die or some shit like that. Where the fuck is Der Dude?
Yeah, Smoggy. And some people aren’t interested in foul-tempered banter with strangers. They just want to read what God/Lucifer has to say, leave one comment, and move on. Sounds like sanity to me.
I do miss Zeus.
I totally miss Zeus. I don’t have anybody to manifest as cuties anymore.
Nun,
who is mean here? Cracka? Please we see he angry for having a small wee wee. Is it Ben? Blessed Ben has all the heart and the intellengence of Corky from Life Goes on. YOu? Not so much, you’re a sucker for the high hard one. Anne? No way, she’s too busy playing with her fake wings and mixing potions. Me? I’m a fuck up of royal proportions. CHing chong. Curtis? Who could be mean when they have a 9 inch dick and a kick ass hat.
HEY!
Oh Gentle Ben,
praticing your reading again? Keep up the good work and I am sure mommy will let you wear your favorite hat, the one with the smurf on it. Good boy.
Josh,
I’m not retarded, you are!
As to the topic, I can’t possibly understand why lurkers wouldn’t want to talk with us. If there even are lurkers. I think we’re the only 5 people who read this crap.
Curtis is a cutie but is probably second-guessing his self outing. He shouldn’t, he’s a handsome man who did not show his wiener(that fucker :x) and my burro totally wants to bang that sweet ass.
I’m mean, Yo’s mean and Cracka is mean. We’re the resident crackers and, just like other crackers, are not very pleasant to be around.
You stupid Ching-Chong McChink.
And Ben’s comprehension level really fucking sucks. Go look at God’s Facebook to see some of the lurkers you fucking idiot.
Sorry, Ben. You’re retarded. Start with the head count:
1. Josh
2. Nun
3. Cracka
4. You (duhhh)
5. Me
6. Curtis
7. Jew
8. Lucy
9. Smog
10. Bloodvork
I guess you can only count to five because your other hand is busy elsewhere.
FACE!!
OML, I forgot Yo Yo! He’s like the Ed Sullivan of this place! See, Ben? WE ARE MARSHALL!
My first Face! This calls for a celebration!
All dressed up and nowhere to go. IT’S NOT LIKE THE FUCKIN PHILLIES ARE GONNA BE PLAYING BALL TONIGHT. Nun, you wanna go to the club and look for playas?
Nun
I like being a selfish fucking heathen. And I like selfishly fucking heathens. I still say the lurkers should introduce themselves. Was I rude to Roark? I didn’t even call you a stupid cunt.
I’m always down for going to the club and looking for playas. Playas are usually pretty damned good at fucking.
Smoggy,
No, you weren’t rude to Roark because you suck at being rude to people. You can’t possibly be a honky. You fucking prick!
Golly Nun, you’re touchy this fair evening. Have you still got one of my sheep stuck up there?
I’m not touchy. I’m a fucking cracka. Prick!
Somebody at my kid’s school is named Gillian Anderson. I wonder if it’s coincidental or if one of her parents is one of those obsessed X-Files fans like myself.
Somebody at my kid’s school is named John Thomas. I wonder if it’s coincidental that his parents are obsessed with giant penises.
I’m obsessed with giant penises but my kid isn’t named John Thomas. He’s not named David Duchovny or Gillian Anderson either. My obsessions don’t affect what I name children.
I do love me some giant penises though. Mmmm… giant penises…
Mmmm… gillian anderson on my giant penis…
Smoggy…
Fuck you very much.
You’re surviving this too?
Mmm… Smoggy’s giant penis…
It’s getting better with every double…
But I’m disappointed in Lucifer–I thought he’d be here cursing, and raping, and damning, and hating even more than God. He’s a big red pussy who can’t count higher than 6.
Not to mention that he doesn’t even have a real penis.
Jesus Christ!! What the fuck is wrong with people?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081028/ap_on_re_us/interpol_manhunt_2;_ylt=AihDqJoyA_s2w2fiunKB3_bLLJ94
Hey!! I can’t post a link! What the fuck!?!
Ok, giving up on Lucifer. He’s not even trying. Ass raping Jesus and Mary just doesn’t seem like it would entertain someone for that long.
At least tell us you bent over Jerry Falwell while up there.
I did out myself, I was drunk and got roofied by Cracka to boot! Silly 2 inch penis. I barely felt it. Damned Cracka. I’m SO going to take a piss on him when I get back to work.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. I can’t help it. I was born that way. I have a brain, dammit! It’s soaking in a large jar of formalin on my desk, so there!
No, really, I’m on a working vacation cleaning up the garden and catching up on all my Spring cleaning. A bit late, but eh, what are you going to do? I don’t have a wireless connection on the back 40, so I miss out on all the fun.
When I die, and leave this crazy planet for Heaven (or Hell, whichever is the most fun) I will my uber cool hat to Josh. Wear it in good health, my friend. Of course it goes without saying that you should de-louse it first.
Now you all play nice till I get back. That goes for you too, Smoggy. Sheep indeed. Humprh.
I always play nicely, Curtis
…and then I pray nicely
…and then I like to prey nicely…mwahahaha!
Smoggy, you are naughty.
Josh, I went to contact you on your website, but it said only for professional contacts, so I respected that and didn’t intrude. Can I just say that you are really the fucking best? You really are someone I’d like to go out drinking with. And I mean alcohol, not the “other” meaning of the term.
Although . . . . if it weren’t for your tiny Asian penis . . . .
Christian Jew, or whatever the fuck you are, first of all fuck you bitch. Second, I would not waste my time fucking that fat fucking fuck Jerry Falwell anymore since he is fat and disgusting and still down in hell getting tortured. And I’ve been dreaming of doing nasty things to Mary and Jesus for over 2000 years, so double-fuck you.
Me and my demonhorde have been trashing Heaven for over two days now and starting to make ourselves at home. I’ve also have them building up and reinforcing the gates lest God should escape somehow and form a counterattack. Jesus and Mary are tied up and hovering over a vat of acid filled with demon-sharks.
God is so fucked.
Hey Lucy–what about the flaying alive, and the anal pears and breast rippers and all those other neat tricks you passed on to the religious folks. Tried any of those on the cherubim and seraphim yet?
Is Martin Luther up there? You could break him on the wheel!
And what about Mother Theresa? She might enjoy a ride on a big metal spike marked ‘no contraception’!
Hey Lucifer,
Are you really the same guy as Satan?
Some sources say that you are not,
since Satan is just sort of the evil opposite of the goody-goody spirit of God, whereas Lucifer is in more the spirit of free thinkers who just don’t give a rat’s ass about organized religion of any kind. Just wondering …
Top Disciples,
I’m not really lurking, and I actually
enjoy the off-color chitchat.
I would play more often but I don’t have a job that lets me sit in front of a computer during prime blogtime. Waaah!
Smoggy, you hit 200. Time to gloat.
Baal, are you looking for a boyfriend? I would so do you if you were. Just sayin’
200 to smoggy…gloat…
Baal, you should think seriously about Curtis’s offer. You know he has no gag reflex!
My gravatar keeps disappearing
I pride myself on having no gag reflex. It was well earned. Lots of practice. Now, I’m off to watching Josh’s youtube video. ‘night, heathens.
Curtis,
I’m not looking for a boy friend, but
if some dude with no gaga reflex and a taste for throbbing cock just happens to stroll by while my pants are down, I’m there!
You indecent fucks. I love you all. Go check out my first hate.
Sir, yes, Sir Smoggy, Sir.
Lurker Nobody reporting in.
Since i don´t have a internet connection in my cave, i can only read this divine blog via the dailin at work, so i miss out all the fun anyway.
By the way, i have a question for God.
Dear God,
is this what heaven looks like (well looked before lucy took over)?
If so, I might actually start beliving.
p.s. all spelling mistakes are protected under international Trademark and Copyright Laws.
Link didn´t work.
second try:
http://www.heaventhegame.com/
About goddamn time someone put this blog into the right direction. More power, Satan!!!