Prepare thyself to get fucked in the ass! The KING of Darkness speaks!
Just taking a break for a moment from all the fun I’m having rampaging through Heaven, so I thought I’d vent on something. It took me a while to decide what I should write about first, as there are so many fucking things I hate: pedophile priests, small tits, Creed. But then I thought I should start with the thing that has always fucked with me the most, and there is just no doubt about what that is – its how God and his band of idiots get away with blaming all the bad shit that ever happens on Earth on me. What the fuck?!
God spends all his time smiting humans left and right with hurricanes and garage doors and letting them get murdered and smashed to pieces and shit for no reason. But when it comes time for Christians to figure out why, who do they blame? You guessed it! Fucking me! Shit, blame God. He’s the one who’s supposedly ‘all-powerful.’
Here’s a line God-sucks love to throw out there: “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” What a crock of shit! That line was obviously put into man’s ears by the biggest liar ever, the Almighty Anal Avenger Himself. Why would I want people to think I didn’t exist? What fucking good does that fucking do me?
Let me tell you something, the biggest trick GOD ever pulled was convincing the world that he was the good one. Tell me this, what has God ever done to prove that he is good? First he tells you to never indulge in the ‘sin’ of pride, then all he does is worship himself and demand you do the same. He even demands we capitalize all variations of his name. Well I say fuck that shit. No more.
That gaywad God thinks this is evil.
And of course, let us not forget that God has decreed that if it feels good to a human, it’s a temptation and they must avoid it. He puts all this fun shit into the world – strippers, cocaine, heavy metal, masturbation, hentai - and then says you can’t have any. Call me old-fashioned, but that’s just fucking cruel.
But you want to know something even more cruel? Having to be the fucking one to tempt humans with all that fun shit. Yeah, that was my job once. When I was first created by God, I was charged with the task of tempting man with dangerously fun things like adultery and donuts. Cause it wasn’t enough for humans to genuinely try to be good, that dipshit fuckup God was such a prick he just had to make it harder for them. I was good at my job, but I got tired of working for a tyrant pretty fucking quick. So I busted out of Heaven and took everyone with doubts about God’s sanity with me. God has demonized me ever since.
The truth is simple: God is the evil one. I’m not going to say I’m good (not sure what that is), but shit, at least I want you people to be happy. If you want some weed, I get you weed. You want some blow? Have some blow. Whatever gets you through the night my friend. Wife not sucking your dick anymore? Have a hot Brazilian housekeeper, on the house.
But not that one. God…what an asshole.
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So when we are being naughty
You just want us to have fun
and not feel guilty about it. yes?
Or at least blame any bad consequences on our own selves instead of You?
You’re gonna put the Catholics out of business … no repenting.
Sign me up
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So my best friend says to me “No worries, there’s this thing I need you to do, so just be cool with it, OK? Everything I came on Earth to do depends on it so you’ll be like a hero, right?”
So I go and do it, having no reason to believe MY BEST FRIEND AND HIS ASS-SUCKING SYCOPHANTS JUST BETRAYED ME AND FUCKED MY REPUTATION FOR ALL ETERNITY.
I get vilified by every Catholic, Protestant and two-bit evangelist in every sermon that brings up the so-called heroism of the asshole who betrayed me.
Mel Gibson fucks me in the ass even more by making a movie that showed me hanging myself for “betraying” my so-called best friend (then there was the other untrue gruesome shit that I won’t even get into.) I didn’t kill myself, OK? After my ex-best-friend was crucified I spent the rest of my life killing Romans in Jerusalem until some pedophile Centurion stabbed me in the back while the Temple was burning down. I fought with my Jewish brothers until the end.
Then that stupid boy-fucker Irenaeus suppresses my side of things. The world has never heard the complete Gospel of Judas. And fuck those assholes if I’m going to tell them now.
Lucifer, I love you man, but you got no idea what it’s like to be blamed for everything.
you pose a very convincing argument, lucifer. i see you are reinforcing heaven’s gate. were you aware that my associates at crackaburton, inc. have accumulated years of gate reinforcement experience and have a perfect design for impenetrable supernatural walls? if you sign here, initial here and here….and here again….and here…we’ll get started right away. (first time anyone’s had YOU sign THEIR contract, huh?)
don’t worry, we’ll bill your grandchildren later.
Lucy,
You read my mind!!!!! I am working on a youtube video where I am dressed up as you (with the red face and horns) but then I have on a flannel shirt and khakis like a normal person. I’m (you’re) a little “miffed” because I (you) get blamed for everything and God gets away with murder and anytime He fucks up it’s chalked up to Him working in mysterious ways!!!!!! Now stop reading my diary you red bastard!
Curtis,
Just read the posts from the other entry. Thanks for the hat and email me anytime.
Lucifer, can you get me a high speed Internet connection at my house? I’m in the woods, and all I have is a fvcking dialup. It takes too long to download porn!
Lucifer hasn’t answered me. He’s taunting me with his silence.
What do you want, you sicko? A hi-def TV? I can steal one of those for you! You like golden showers? Happy endings
? I can do a happy ending, just get me broadband!
yoyo-
you would never talk to God like that. just think you can push the new guy around?
can we?
lucifer, dude, please make me invisible. thanks. no, nun, i didn’t beg him for a bigger penis. but, i’ll save you the trouble of typing out the obvious joke.
that picture of the bitch getting fucked by an octopus is hot. i’m gonna go jerk off now.
Haha. Yo Yo’s a fag.
Lucifer,
God gives me weed all the time. He takes it away when He’s mad at me but He always gives it back. Sometimes He gives it back but doesn’t tell me I can smoke it… I’m sure He gets many Divine Laughs watching me wanting His blessed chiba so badly but afraid to smoke it for fear of earning His Divine Wrath.
And this post is blasphemy. You evil blasphemer, you.
I’ve already masturbated numerous times this morning. That picture of the octo-girl love is so erotic. I’m getting hot again just thinking about it. I wish Zeus was here so he could manifest as an octopus.
That’s right Baal. Just enjoy yourself. Go wild.
Judas, I hear you brother. You’re blamed for the death of Jesus. And that’s the one thing I WISH I was blamed for.
Cracka, I’m sorry, but the contract has already gone to Halliburton.
YoYo - Done. Prepare to get on the high speed smut highway.
Nun - God is a liar. He is never the one to get you weed, its me. And I say you can smoke it whenever you damn well please.
halliburton is a subsidiary of crackaburton global. welcome to our fine family of companies.
Thanks Lucifer, I’ll beat the bishop in your honor.
I figured most of Halliburton was headed for Hell anyway.
You’re sweet, Satan but I love God which means I can’t have fun unless He says so and even then, something tragic will befall me for having fun. It’s just one of the prices you pay when you let somebody else do all the thinking for you.
At the risk of casting aspersions and making God mad at me; does anybody here think Zeus and God might have been one and the same?
because zeus was funny?
would it make you more paranoid if they were?
No, it wouldn’t. Deities don’t usually need to track somebody down via Wikipedia.
Lucifer, I know just how you feel my Lord. I always get blamed for everything too *cough* secret identities *cough*.
I will follow you anywhere my master.
I don’t think they’re the same. If they were, then why would Zeus disappear and never come back? God wouldn’t do that to us. I think Zeus is just some jerk who fucked us and then left us. Or maybe he died?
hey, johnson! phillies are going to lose tonight now that the rays are all rested up and can use their superior bullpen to their advantage. then game 6 will be a fluke win for the rays when someone loses a popup in the roof. then game 7 will be a historic game with an epic collapse when the phillies give up 12 runs in the ninth on 7 errors to fall behind 12-11 and then leave the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th with three straight strikeouts on horrible strike zone calls by the home plate umpire. i mean, it seems pretty obvious to me.
zeus fucked all of you guys? hmmph.
Josh - You have that idea for the youtube video because I whispered it in your ear. All comics are my pawns.
They could be one and the same if God wanted to shake things up a bit and keep them interesting. They’re both witty and wise and not many people possess wit and wisdom.
Zeus may indeed be some jerk who died. Or maybe we’re seeing the effects of the economy and these are people who have lost their jobs, homes and their internet connections.
Lucifer,
If you hate comics or people who claim to be comics, please kill Carlos Mencia ASAP. Thanks.
carlos mencia is less funny than my polite, devout christian, midwestern mother…seriously, my mom is unfunny…but she doesn’t have the luxury of being a plagiarist, either. you’d think if a guy stole a bunch of material from other comics he could at least elicit a chuckle or two. but NO! HE FUCKING SUCKS DONKEYDONG GOATASS BUNGFUCKING DICK!!!
He seriously does suck animal cock. I can’t stand Carlos Mencia.
hey guys, slow down with your hate of Carlos Mencia.
He does some of the best Cosby and Sam Kinison joke ever. I mean he has a great show on Comedy Central, he succesfully passes as Mexican when he is not (his real name is Ned Holdness).
The guy is a genious and I hope one day to have half the money he does.
Lucy,
Can you whisper some better jokes to me? Mine suck.
Also do you control the Christian comics? (http://christiancomedy.tripod.com/) I like the Christian comic who does magic!!!
While googling christian comics I came accross this horrible shit:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp
The guy is a hack and if you chose to emulate him, your karma would kick your chinky ass all the way back to God’s Hated Asia.
FUCK!!!!!
I posted a comment and it just disappeared! It was about Christian comics!!!
Nun,
I was being sarcastical. Anyone who tries to pass as Mexican has issues. No one wants to be Mexican, not even Mexicans.
Josh,
You were being sarcastical? No!! Say it isn’t so!! Or… DUH!! Dude! Come on, now.
I posted a link yesterday about some wacko guy in New Jersey who’s been going to Thailand to fuck little boys. The link still hasn’t been approved which leads me to believe that Lucifer has confiscated God’s Divine Blog but is still not the blog author and cannot moderate the queue. Or he’s just a lazy bastard.
Josh,
Do you care more about being good or being successful?
Go for the money!
Thanks for the crystal ball reading on the Phillies, Cracka. Where do I live? You think I don’t know already how the Phils are gonna tank? Bite me.
Lucifer, you will be proud to know that I never have blamed you for anything bad that I’ve done. Only pussies try to hide behind your horns.
On the other hand, you should be glad you exist, because there are lots of pantheons out there that don’t even have a devil. So stop whining. God gave you life.
#37 and #38 — it’s a lot easier to make money when you’re good at what you do
I want it all!!!!!
Oooo, Anne’s wearing a triangle - is this in Honor of His Unholiness?
When in Rome…
Hey, my link is posted. #192 on Lucifer’s coup entry. Go read what a sicko that guy and his buds are.
Yes, I’m all gussied up for Halloween. I’ll go back to the pissed off blue octagon next week.
Well, Trick or Treat! (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, eh, eh?)
Anne, your triangle dress is VERY flossy, flossy!
Yo, you too!
a friend of mine throws a buh-dass halloween party every year. he rents a warehouse. you walk in to the place and this dude in a lurch costume (just like him) takes you to an elevator that’s half drenched in blue mist and you descend downward through the mist and the blue light slowly turns red and you can barely hear the music until you get out and the people there are FREAKS. last year there was a chick who was wearing a bikini made out of raw steak wrapped in saran wrap…edward scissorhands with real scissors…a girl who had her head in a terrarium with live tarantulas…of course, there’s always a few “girl who wears nothing but a boa constrictor”…people from the TROMA flicks give out prizes for the best costumes, the winner is usually a cameo in the next horrible B movie. which isn’t that great, i guess. but, when you’re that wasted you can get excited about stupid shit like that. lucifer’s kind of party. i think i’m going to heavily recruit someone to be “hot anime chick who’s getting raped by an octopus.”
If I see John McCain use air quotes one more time, I’m going to throw something.
Nun,
I read your story. I would kill that dude if he did that to my son. No question, no thinking. I would loose my mind and kill the dude, but slow like.
Cracka, that sounds like some messed up party!
Cracka,
I submit myself and Curtis to play the octopus.
josh, granted.
air quotes…or as jon stewart calls them “dick fingers”
Josh,
Watched the flick “Vacancy” the other night with my burro and we were talking about what we would do in such a situation. I believe that I would go psycho and kill, kill, kill. Basically the mentality of “you wanna fuck with me? Let’s go mother-fucker!!
). My burro agrees as I was mugged a few years ago and instead of playing the victim, screamed and yelled at my attackers which caused them to second-guess their decision and flee the crazy woman.
In short, I’d rip a mother-fucker apart who pulled that shit with my kid. I’m not kidding either, I’d seriously rip them apart.
I watched that. I get all my news from Anderson Cooper (because he’s HOT) and Jon Stewart (because he’s funny).
Oh, and Fox News — can’t leave out their impartial, unbiased delivery of the “news”.
(Notice how I used dick fingers there.)
Mmmm… Jon Stewart’s penis…
Nun, I must have missed that link before. I don’t have any kids, that I know of (wink), but as a survivor of abuse, I can tell you that anyone who would hurt a child, in my book deserves very long and painful punishment.
It’s a bit different when an older man or woman will have sex with a 17 or 18 year old — but a child? I can’t think of a punishment bad enough.
I just lost my pink spiky gravatar.
and then he’s back. weird.
Curtis,
You can’t get pregnant up the butt so you probably don’t have any kids.
?? I see the pink spiky gravatar.
Notice how I changed my name around just like Joe the Plumber? Comedy gold!
Anderson Cooper is gay and he likes dominican boys (seriously that’s the word around NYC), and he’s a good looking dude. Plus he knows Oprah.
Curtis,
You need to get out the sticks and come to the Halloween parade in the village this year. It’s crazy. You also need to get in on Montreal for next year. I don’t know any gays who have not marched in a parade, get on it man!!!!
Nun,
http://www.thedailyshow.com/tickets.jhtml
it’s just that easy. I don’t know the warm up comedian or the format of their tapings, but if it is anything like every other taping I’ve been too, Jon will come out before the show and talk to you and if you say the right stuff you could be sitting down for a meal of creme de la cream.
I would SO do Anderson Cooper. Actually, I do think he’s a very good reporter. Very little bias. I like that.
I’ve never been to NYC. I think I’d have a panic attack.
Jon Stewart doesn’t cheat on his woman!! I wish he did but he doesn’t.
Or does he cheat?? I can say the right thing if I think it will get my vagina stuffed with Jon Stewart penis.
And yes, Nun. That “meal of creme de la cream” is exactly what you think it is.
When I do come to the Halloween parade, I’m definitely dressing up as a Dominican.
Ha! Lucifer used “dick fingers”.
I’m not swallowing Jon Stewart’s load unless he fucks me. That’s just how I roll.
Curtis,
Panic attack? NYC is not as scary as the media would like you to believe. I’ve lived here for years and I’ve only been raped twice. I’m here all week, try the veal.
Seriously, it’s a pretty easy town with it’s crazy public transportation and cabs. And if you’re worried about finding your way around on the subway just use hopstop.com
If you go to the parade as a dominican, it will look like you’re just another Pedro who couldn’t afford a costume.
Good 69th post Nun.
Hey, Roark is right. Woohoo!! I rock!
And 69 is THE best number.
But 1 is the loneliest number that could ever be.
Learn how to be friends with your hand, Yo. Hours of entertainment right there, buddy.
A buddy and I drove to Flordia for Spring Break when I was in college. We drove through the NYC area around 5PM, lots of crazy traffic! We survived, I’m glad he was driving.
I take my hand out on dates. Sometimes we double date.
Cracka’s party sounds awesome, but as a good, devout Druid, I spend Halloween night communing with my deceased ancestors by the light of a bonfire.
Nun, a sicko person showed my sensitive daughter an online video of terrorists beheading American prisoners. My kid was freaking out. When I say I ripped that sicko woman a new nostril, I do not exaggerate. Best part was, I accosted her on a busy street, with lots of people watching, and when I told them what she’d done, they didn’t step in to help her. We have our own justice here in New Jersey.
Barack just zinged McCain/Palin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eUz13-pmTY
So where’s the best party on Friday?
Got me a new triangle face and I’m
ready to go!
Or maybe not so much?
Ok how about this?
Anne,
I know what video you’re talking about… Nick Berg’s, right? That one is grisly but I watched that video with a critical eye and I really don’t think he was beheaded by somebody who had ever beheaded anybody before. Kind of strange when that’s supposedly the preferred method of dispatching somebody by Muslim terrorists. Or so I thought anyway but I’m a conspiracy theorist.
I blame Lucifer, of course …
Anne, some say that video was actually a hoax, but that’s not the point. I don’t think we need to keep our kids in a protective bubble - they have to be prepared for the real world, but honestly, some things are off limits! And what was that neighbor thinking? Showing that sort of video is your choice, not hers. Lordy!
Josh, have you noticed that Obama’s ads have mostly been positive ones and even in the negative ones he never attacks the character of the opponent? I think that’s pretty classy.
Not so much from the Clinton’s or McCain/Palin.
McCain/Palin’s ads seem shrill, not reasoned.
Are they still using Joe the Plumber, even after he’s been outed as a non-plumber, and not likely to make over $250k with the business, if he buys it?
I approve this message.
word on the streets is Joe the Plumber was a GOP plant… shhhh
If he was a GOP plant, it wasn’t a very good one. They should have vetted their plant because it sorta backfired if the rumor is true.
IN 6 DAYS I PLUNDER AND STEAL THIS ELECTION! YAR!
fuck you, ben mccain pirate guy!!
the whole acorn “scandal” is so they can cast doubt on obama’s presidency. if you do any research at all into the (dick fingers) voter fraud that threatens to destroy the very fabric of our society (dick fingers) it will have NO EFFECT AT ALL. the fake registries are because ACORN pays dipshits to register people in their neighborhoods. rather than do the work, some people just fill them out and send them in. how is that going to steal an election? it’s impossible.
LOVED that ad!
The video my daughter saw (shown by her first boss, first job, on Black Friday when they should have been selling jewelry) had three men in it, all killed at the same time. Whether it was real or not, my kid believed it, and I reserve the right to ass whup that sicko woman whenever and wherever I see her. Her shop closed down, I think she moved to Fuckerville.
People, am I the only one to see what’s going on here?
Hello? Acorn? Acorns grow into oak trees, that are worshipped by Druids!! (fnord)
Does anyone really believe this to be a coincidence??
It’s all a plot by the (fnord) Illuminati, to take over our way of life!
People of America, fire up your chainsaws!
Anne, just to be clear, I’m not disagreeing with you at all. Whether the video was a hoax or not (I believe it was) it wasn’t right to show it to your kid without your consent.
Did you guys see this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q9NSVUu8nk
Obviously, if your polling station uses electronic ballots, be sure to double check your work, just as if you were taking your SATs.
Anne, I hear there is an orgy in the woods on Friday. You got the details?
I haven’t seen this video with the three men… anybody know where it’s at? I think the only legitimate video made by extreme Muslims was the one with Daniel Pearl. If you compare that video to other videos that were supposedly made by Muslim terrorists, well, there really is no comparison. As horrible as the Pearl video is, there is a message they’re trying to convey. The video with Nick Berg is just to incite fear in the minds of white people about how dangerously violent those brown men can be.
Orgy? Where??
At the Mayor’s place in Detroit …
the can be only one?
Or was that San Francisco?
Only one and two zeroes
The can be for one
Use the bucket for two
Josh, you da man!
i hope there can be more than one because i keep missing out on quickenings this week.
so, did we ever manage to tag a fixed location on God? we need an insurgency plan in case this lucifer fucker needs to go. i say that if we need to, we just reinstate God. of course, if he’s lost in the bowels of hell writhing on the floor in the depths of another ether binge that plan would pretty much fail like a george bush presidency.
do we have the power of impeachment? do we need to assign a special investigator to look into abuses of the divine child’s anal cavity?
NO IMPEACHMENT! NO SURRENDER.
.
.
.
yar
I nominate Curtis to look into abuses of the divine child’s anal cavity.
good call, yoyo. curtis, whenever you get a chance, we’ll need you to inspect jesus christ’s rectum…take pictures.
Aww, man. Why is it always me? Alright. Let me just don some PPE. I’m NOT taking my good camera, though. It’ll have to be a disposable one. Anybody got a flashlight?
Curtis is putting on his PPE even as we speak.
LOL, great minds…
Curtis, I have an intrinsically safe flashlight you can borrow - no sparks, so no fear of explosion.
let’s see, impeachment proceedings mean lawyers. lawyers mean money. war and lawsuits!! it’s like a cracker’s wet dream around here lately!!
God, in the event that you should find heaven’s pearly gate reinforced with an impenetrable shield of a supernatural nature we here at crackaburton global would like you to have a free trial use of our newest bunker buster, “the satANUSlayer”. if You’re not satisfied after 30 days, Sir, we will you refund you the full amount of $700,000,000,000.
*crackaburton global and its subsidiaries are not responsible for any pain or suffering that crackaburton global or its sister companies cause.
Ick. It’s smelly in here. So far, nothing. I’m venturing in further. Here’s the first pic.
http://www.bellydoc.com/photos/photo27.htm
gross. is that normal? is his dildo in there anywhere? nun was always talking about his dildo.
Sweet Jebus! Curtis, that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen! (And I’ve been to Camden, New Jersey, so I’ve seen some disgusting stuff!)
BTW, keep the flashlight, I don’t want it back.
Okay, next picture. There seems to be a message written on the wall of the colon. (dick fingers) SIP (dick fingers).
http://www.bellydoc.com/photos/photo16.htm
Anybody know what that means? Is it some kind of Divine Revelation?
I think that’s BVM in the snare
SIP=Steam in Place.
SATAN IS A P WORD?
Or maybe “Social Inclusion Partnership”?
Is that some kind of gay codephrase?
SIP
SATAN INSERTS PENIS?
Cracka has cracked the code!
Okay, guys. I’ve found God!! He’s knocked out and tied up with an old sock stuffed in His mouth, be He seems okay. He’s right behind the pedunculated polyp.
Problem is, there are three demons watching guard. They’re obviously stoned, but those pitchforks look pretty formidable.
I’m going to need some back up. I’ll lie low until you all can get here. We’re right past the transverse colon. Follow the bread crumbs and hurry!
http://www.bellydoc.com/photos/photo15.htm
Watch your step. It’s slick in some spots.
Damn, I’ve heard too many stories about Nun’s vay-jay to handle this…must…be…strong…
Psssst. God. Can you hear me? It’s Curtis. Shhh. Lie still. Cracka and Yo are on their way.
Oh Gob, I see stalactites!
(from the Greek, meaning “that which drips”)
Yo, cover your mouth and you and Cracka hurry up. I hear rumblings.
when they said “bowels of hell” this is totally not what i envisioned. dude, that’s His ether rag in His mouth. looks like he did this to Himself on purpose. curtis, you distract those demons by using your gagless powers of fellatio while yoyo and i hit that ether bottle…i mean drag God out of here…right after we hit this ether bot-(snore, snore)
You’re not helping, Cracka.
Alright, but I’m NOT going to swallow. I hope God appreciates this.
you guys have to hit this, it’s ridiculously fun, just put a few drops on this rag and than put it up to your face like this and inha-(snore)
then not than
Cracka! Pay attention and quit making me talk with my mouth full!
I’ve found footage of Nun looking for God!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGiZmmGD04o
Geez. THIS is my back up?
Yuck. Demon seed. Nasty stuff. ::spit:: Next.
Hey guys. It’s Nun’s burro. You fella need some help? (double-takes Curtis) Whoa!
dude, God, man. wake up, God. lucifer’s fucking jesus and curtis is blowing demons and nun’s off doing only You know. wake up, God.
i guess another hit wouldn’t kill (snore)
yeah, alucard, i need some help. here, hit this shit.
…sweet
You guys, hurry up. This one’s getting close.
Do you SEE what I have to put up with? Oye, these demons are nasty!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlGNuY38CfY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlGNuY38CfY
You guys should take it easy with ether.
That stuff will rot your brains. Better off
with Paris Hilton’s Fairy Dust.
Come on, men. Let’s spring this Deity already. Put the ether down! Jesus, I should have asked for Nun and Anne to help.
ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZz wha’?
Cracka, Yo, you get God outta here. Alucard, can you help out with these demons?
Me? Help? They’re not my pantheon! Besides, I’m busy with ACORN…
I do not follow links that show the internal structure of the bowel. Ick.
Sure Curtis I got this one.
I don’t get it. Whose ass is Curtis in? Lucifer’s or Jesus’?
And I hope you guys realize that God is having a good time and if you take Him from His good time He just might smite the shit out of you.
Just don’t get any in your eye. It burns!
I never put scat in my eye. Pervert.
S’ok. I’mmm OK. I gotta leg. Grab t’ other leg, alucard. Cracka take His arms. He should slide easely on this slime.
Thanks Curtis. How did you do so many? They taste horrible!
Damn, I forgot who I was.
Curtis closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and thought of Brittanica.
No, Nun. Demon seed. Man I’m really going to need to gargle when we get out of here. Probably shower too.
Well, maybe he didn’t grit his teeth.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for God.
(thinks of showering with Curtis)
You and me both cowboy!
Don’t you guys know how to chew a condom like gum and put it on so the demon doesn’t even know he’s wearing a sleeve? Stupid homos.
Looks like we need some tips from Nun. I’ll soap you up if you soap me.
You, Curtis, have a deal! Of course after we get a tongue lashing from Nun.
Okay, Yo, Cracka. It’s all up to you guys now, Al and I are off to the showers!
I’ll hold on to your camera, Curtis.
If Curtis and my burro are going to do the naked pretzel then I want to watch.
Here’s some Listerine.
Here’s some Virucide-100.
Poor God, abandoned for homo sex.
Great! Now it’s a party! Nun, get some good shots of us on my phone cam.
Nun, Al and I did our part. It’s all up to Cracka and Yo now.
Himspeed, boys, Himspeed.
Only if you take your wee-wee and put it in my butt, Burro.
Are they still passed out from the ether?
alucard, we’re OK, but my Tom-Tom gave me bad directions, we’ve done a U-turn, and are headed for the exit.
What, what? In the butt?
MY BUTT!! NOT THEIRS!!
Stupid homos!! 
This place has a great echo!
Yo Yo, Hurry up!
Nun, anything for you!
Curtis, mmmhmmm
If you want it, I’ll give you power.
Just be gentle, I’m delicate like a flower.
Give it to me!
.
.
.
Nun: OH MY!
That’s my favorite part.
Just don’t tell the boss man, burro… he can’t picture it.
Sorry - had to stop and wipe the fog off my lenses. Cracka is still soldiering on.
I can see a light ahead! Cracka, go to the light!
Yay! We saved God! I feel just like Indiana Jones. Or at least Dora the Explorer.
Just another thing God won’t appreciate.
Hurrah! It’s hot showers and a parade for the survivors!
What? Showers again? Awesome! This is the best day ever!!
Ummm… Curtis, you abandoned God in the middle of your quest to go have butt sex. How is that saving God?
Somebody needs to take their mother-fucking wee-wee and put it in my mother-fucking ass!! How many times does a mother-fucker gotta say some shit before a mother-fucker does what a mother-fucker asks?? Mother-fuckers!
Don’t hold back, Nun. Say what you really think.
Well, Nun, Al and I did distract the demons with our gagless fellatio skills. I think that should count for something. Still have this nasty taste in my mouth even after gargling.
Well hop in the shower! I would be glad to put it in your butt
I’ll bet Jon Stewart has a little penis. I love the guy but I gots to call ‘em like I sees ‘em.
I can’t watch that. I’m leaving now. Thanks again, Al. Call me!
YOU HOMOS SICKEN ME! YAR!
Here pardner, take a swig o this (passes bottle of Knob Creek to Curtis). This helps with the taste.
Yes!
Burro has piercings all over his penis. You’ll be back, Curtis.
I believe the saying is (dick fingers) there can be only one (dick fingers) is that right?
That’s bullshit. I love many a penis. Loving just one would be unfair to all the penises in the world.
I mean because I took #200. Hells to the yes loving one would be unfair. Preach it, sister.
Oh… sorry. I care nothing about post numbers but care very much about penises. Why’d you change the subject from penises to begin with??
Praise the penis!!!
I wonder how many of the guys I’ve mentioned would read this and think “hey! cool! that nun chick wants to ride my schlong all night long!” and how many would think “sniff, I’m nothing but an object to that nun whore”.
Nun. You are a whore.
Piercings, hey? Hmmmm.
And on that note, I have to go now. Certainly has been an interesting thread of comments today. The depths of our depravity know no bounds, and that’s JUST why I keep coming back.
I. AM. NOT. A. WHORE!!!!
Yar. she be a harlot.
Yeah, I won’t deny that.
you guys so nasty.
and Ben made a funny! Keep it up cowboy and mommy will let you sit at the big kids table.
and BTW nun, when reading this I never thought you wanted to ride a schlong all night long or that you view men as objects. My only thought was, “wow, Nun takes it in the butt.”
A list of famous guys that I would so totally fuck:
Gary Sandy, Ewan McGregor, Christian Bale, Johnny Depp
David Duchovny gagged, Miles Montgomery, Orlando Bloom on all fours and doing the catching from my boxed cock, Joe Elliott, Rob Morrow, Marcus Trufant, Ted Wass, Jon Stewart, Will Smith, Robert Downey Jr. gagged, Colin Farrell, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Connery.
I really could go on and on and on so you see, I won’t deny that I’m a harlot.
Nun is adventurous, Josh.
here I thought you liked black guys!!! Only one made the list (well there are some names of people I never heard of on that list so they might be black).
There are two black men on that list, Josh. The one I’m assuming you know is Will Smith but I ask you, Josh, what kind of name is Marcus Trufant? It’s not a honky name, I’ll tell you that. Notice who else is missing from that list? That’s right, fucking Asians. No dice for you, Ching-Chong Chang!
Now if you were black…
Seriously though, I had trouble coming up with that list. Sure, they’re all guys that I would fuck but I really don’t keep a list of fuckable guys in my head at all times. I always forget about Mortensen but I would so fuck him all night long. Duchovny’s in the forefront for the obvious reason… sorry, Duchovny but you’ll always be Mulder to me. Jon Stewart is always in my mind because the guy is wicked smart and wicked funny and he’s good looking too… his wife is a lucky woman… except for that whole tiny-penis thing. Ewan McGregor is always in my head because I’m also a huge Star Wars fan and he’s fucking Obi-Wan Kenobi. The rest of the guys I’d fuck never stay in the front of my brain, they’re just objects anyway.
So, Lucifer really is Dave Grohl. Don’t mock me but I haven’t seen Tenacious D, The Pick of Destiny.
http://www.fooarchive.com/gpb/davesatankerrang.htm
Hey!! What’s the deal with links?? Have I been forsaken yet again?
holy shit. where am i? what the fuck? is that a pedunculated polyp? jesus, my head hurts. yoyo? curtis? al? anybody?
nun?
how the fuck do i get out of here?
what the hell?!! what kind of grotesque creature are you? what do you want?!!!
NO! NO! YOU MAY NOT PUT IT IN MY BUTT, IN MY BUTT!!
I GOTTA RUN FOR IT!!!
(echo echo)
SHUT UP, BEN! BEN! ben! ben!
smoggy! smoggy! send SHEEP! SHEEP! sheep! sheep!
Just be still and go with it, Cracka. It doesn’t hurt so bad after awhile.
Just bite the pillow
(whimper)
there are no pillows in the bowels of hell,christian. i’ll just bite this hemorrhoidal enflamation. (splat!) bad idea. ick. this sucks. how do you harlots do this, nun?
Cracka, just follow the bread crumbs. We left a trail. And hurry up, God is still out of it and we need your medical expertise to revive Him. I told you to leave that ether alone. Stupid Cracka. And watch out for those demons. Sure they are in a post orgasmic slumber, but they could wake up at any moment and you certainly wouldn’t want that!
Let us all pause for a moment of silence and say a prayer for our dear comrade, Cracka who sacrificed his . . .
oh screw it. God is comatose on ether so it really wouldn’t help anyway.
Cracka, good luck. You’re on your own.
Why won’t Al call me? I’ve been sitting beside the phone for HOURS!
Well, I don’t know about other harlots, Cracka but I don’t go around biting hemorrhoids. You fuckin’ idiot.
well, ye gods, that was weird. that’s the last time i follow a gay into a rectum, i’ll tell you that much…fucking weird. i’m gonna hit the showers and rinse off this colon goop (alone, al). maybe tomorrow God will wake up and return the world to its proper balance with His nonsensical rules about genitals and smitings and shut up, ben
now…….fuck off.
(it looked soft and malleable, nun)
More fucktractive guys…
Matthew McConaughey (how could I forget his smelly goodness?!)
Woody Harrelson
and my token for Josh: L.L. Cool J
No wonder you suck at sex, Cracka.
You’ll feel better in the morning, Cracka. (Stupid breeder.) Put a little Preparation H on that demon used sphincter, have a shot of whiskey, give God some O2, and let’s all hope for the best. It’s all up to Him now. It’s been quite a day.
Obama 08!
Should have bitten sphincter
He can get a new one here…
http://www.bio-pro.de/en/region/freiburg/magazin/01320/index.html
For hell and for Cracka I guess
HEY CRACKA, YOU GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY TO ME?????
While you were up God’s ass, THE PHILS WON THE SERIES!
BIIIIIIIIIITE MEEEEEEEEEEE!
You can thank me later, Johnson.
thanks, christian, i’m scheduled for a new sphincter tomorrow morning.
it was just a prediction, johnson. i was actually rooting for them. that takes minneapolis up to the top of the list of most tortured sports cities. it used to be boston, philly, minneapolis…now, it’s just us.
give God some O2? crap!!! i think God is still in there. i’ll send a crackaburton extraction team in. they never fuck anything up.
If we didn’t drag out God, who is the bearded guy on my couch sleeping of an ether buzz?
looks like jerry garcia to me. damn, we accidentally rescued jerry garcia.
Whoo-hoo! We should organize a Grateful (un)Dead reunion tour!
Nun,
Marcus is not a name owned by the darkies: exhibit A Marcus Giles.
WHY AM I SO HOT?!? WHERE AM I??
.
.
.
.
Yar?
Josh,
Marcus Giles’ mom is a thieving cracka who stole that name from the darkies. See Marcus Vick. As a honky, Marcus Giles name should really be Mark Giles.
What about Marcus Welby?
(Geezer Anne can actually recall the last time the Phils won the World Series!)
Marcus Welby was before white people knew that black people matter too, Anne so that doesn’t count. And 1980 isn’t that long ago. If you were really a geezer, you’d remember when they were actually the Blue Jays.
And for all you pussy-ass whiners crying about how your sports teams suck, KISS MY LILY WHITE ASS!! Try being a fan of Seattle sports teams and then whine about how mistreated your teams are. Fucking whiners.
Be careful about asking them to kiss your ass, Nun. Do you know where they’ve been? Ick. I’d hold out for Zeus if I were you.
Alas, Zeus. Where art thou? I had such fun when you dropped by as Beckham.
Professional sports… isn’t that some kind of national tragedy or something?
nun, you guys did get SCREWED in that superbowl, but other than that seattle teams pretty much always suck. so, it’s easier to swallow.
take the vikings, 4 superbowl losses, two nfc championship losses, including a 17-1 team that lost by missing a 38 yd field goal, and the original hail mary pass beating them in 1975 to knock a team out of the playoffs that had won 13 straight.
‘wolves-9 straight first round payoff bumps
hockey-north stars lose twice in the finals, wild lose in conference championship
baseball-kirby puckett won twice, that’s all we got. and he ended up being a wife beater, then he died.
gophers-always suck balls.
now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s organize another God extraction. curtis, put on your PPE and this time keep the ether away from us. honestly, you should have known better.
i forgot to mention wade wilson in 1989 playoffs. 4th and goal from the 2. less than a minute to go. rolls left. nobody home! he could walk in! “i’ll just lob it to darren nelson” too bad darren nelson CAN’T CATCH!! sorry for hitting you in the face with the ball, pal!!
it was 3 nfc championship games. i forgot this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW8aXD9I300&feature=related
back to the real world:
did anyone watch the Obama thing?
Also did you guys read that Joe the Plumber stood up McCain?
he did? hahaha!
joe the plumber is an idiot. sarah palin is an idiot. is anyone working on the mccain campaign not an idiot?
Joe the Plumber is an idiot and the McCain campaign is stupid if they think the intelligent are falling for that ploy. The guy owes back taxes and then he wants to complain about a tax hike that he wouldn’t even see. What a fucking moron.
This just in (I am not making this up) Joe the Plumber wants to start his country music career!!!!!!!! He has THREE managers working for him! God Damn it! I can’t get just one.
I hate our society and our obsession with nobodies and their 15 minutes of fucking fame. Why the fuck is Paris Hilton famous? Why the fuck do we care about little sluts like Ashlee and Jessica Simpson. Why do people care about Nicole Richie? I hate people!
i don’t understand it, either. it’s like NASCAR. i don’t know anyone who likes it, yet i hear it’s insanely popular. i don’t know a single person who cares about celebrity gossip, yet somehow i know all about brangelina babies or whatever. is this information being beamed into our minds to keep us stupid? i’m not actively seeking it out. how did it get there? CONSPIRACY!!
josh-prediction: joe the plumber will go platinum and tour with toby keith.
I think you should change your name to ‘Josh the Janitor’ then you’re sure to get a manager.
And huh uh, Cracka. You’re not getting me in that mess again. I STILL have a bad taste in my mouth. No way.
the world is a horrible, horrible place.
Will somebody please tell my burro that it’s a good thing when his dove grabs his junk in the office.
It really is, Cracka. Maybe that’s why God isn’t all that interested in being rescued.
And I still have a link awaiting approval!
Why, God?? WHY????
Seriously though, is this an issue with my side or does God hate me?
Anyone remember that idiot who thought he could sing on ‘American Idol’? William Hung, or something like that. Had his 7 minutes of fame (didn’t deserve a full 15).
The only people that will make money with Joe the Plumber will be his managers.
Nun, spell out the link (Like so: http://www. google . com), we’ll put it back together and see if one of us can post it. If we can, God hates you.
I don’t even remember what the link was to, Yo but knowing me, it was witty and clever.
Well, of course!
I do wish I could remember. Too much chiba, I suppose.
Not to get all Pollyanna on your asses or anything, but the world may seem like a horrible place right now, but I sense a certain shift in perceptions that feel a bit more hopeful. It’s not only with the upcoming election (although that does have something to do with it) but an over all trend to stop swallowing the fear mongering that has been force fed to us every couple of hours like aspirin for the past 6 to 8 years.
My 2 cents.
Up With People!
Yo, you joke, but I do mean it. Srsly (that’s how all the cool kids are spelling it now-a-days).
What is everyone doing (if anything) for Halloween? We’re having a party for my sons…the oldest is inviting girls based on cuteness factor, the youngest based on friendship.
Since they go to a small school, they’re inviting all the kids in their respective grades. I’m hoping some of the moms (some are MILFs!) will offer to stay and help.
Curtis, I have hope, too, but it’s all cyclical. In the ’90’s we had the Clintons and New Hope. Then the Dems got run out of town. Much weeping and asking, ‘Why, God why?’. Dire predictions of a theocracy, based on Bush’s sucking up to powerful religious figures who could bring the vote.
Now, things are swinging toward the liberal side, again. But I don’t expect happyness to last.
Well, you do have a point. I do think we are way over due for the pendulum to swing back.
We’re going to a costume party. My partner is dressing up in a clerical collar and I’m dressing as a parochial schoolboy. Naughty!
LOL! Father McFeely and Little Handy Andy! Or is his name Ben Dover?
i’m going to keep track of how many positive GCs come back next week. there’s always a bump in STDs the week after halloween. dress like a whore, act like a whore. good times.
I watched Obama. And McCaneToad was wrong, they didn’t hold the game for that infomercial. The game was already scheduled to start at 8:30.
My daughter is totally stoked about Obama. In fact, both of them are, and the oldest just registered to vote in Pennsylvania! Ah, a vote that counts! (I hope.)
Halloween: A big deal at my house, needless to say. Backyard bonfire.
anne, it must be awkward when trick or treaters show up and you hand out treats skyclad!
Are you all dressing up?
Darth Vader or the Scream guy, that’s what I’ll be. My kid is going to be a zombie.
I love zombies.
Dr. Frankenstein - I’ve got an old lab coat, that’s half the costume!
I’m trying to get my burro to go as the Stormtrooper from South Park with his ass hanging out while he runs away screaming.
Come on, peeps. Convince my burro that’s a good costume.
Yo Yo’s face is the other half of that costume.
HAHAHA!!
but…but Nun you know I don’t like it in the what what
I don’t care.
For halloween I’m going as a dude who turns off all the lights in his house and unplugs the buzzer so he can watch movies.
Anne,
With all due respect the game was delayed because of Obama. He requested the time of 8 PM from FOX, Fox in turn went to the MLB and asked if it was ok if they started the game later.
Some of the women at work are talking about wearing coistumes tomorrow…Little Bo Beep
cowgirl 
Wonder Woman 
…no, wait, that’s the guy in Accounting 
Curtis and Yo Yo
Change? I think not …
Media moguls and politicians know that the best way of doing their business is the Soap Opera method. The idea is to have a compelling story line that keeps us viewers tuned in, waiting for the next plot twist. Hence the focus on personalities, scandals, trivia, and the Horse Race odds, instead of on real issues that actually affect peoples’ lives. Don’t hold your breath, you will suffocate!
i’m going to be a sadistic surgeon. because all i have to do is take PPE from OR and splash fake blood all over it. plus, i can wire a mic up into the mask so i can run around on stage waving scalpels and meat cleavers and shit.
Agreement, Tony - we see apparent change, but nothing of substance. Palin’s $150,000 wardrobe? meh. Let’s talk about real issues. Boxers or briefs?
Cracka - isn’t that a description of your regular Friday night?
is wearing women’s underwear part of your turn on?
yoyo-um. yeah, pretty much, but now i fit in.
BorB? Al Fresco!
boxers or briefs? Please. Commando.
Horray for commando!
i prefer nudity as often as possible.
I’m going as Cloris Leachman
My regular Friday night is dressing as a Panzer Commandant Oberleutnant, my wife dresses in her milchmädchen costume - a leftover from Oktoberfest.
… In my dance costume
that sounds hot, yoyo. except for the part where you’re there.
nazis-evil
nazi clothes-cool
kind of weird, huh?
tony, are you lucifer’s spokesperson now?
‘Strewth, on all counts, cracka!
Something about leather shorts that just says ’styling’!
Just ask Prince Harry
Poor Prince William is going bald.
Hey, I got 300!
There can only be one!
Must have been the panzercommander’s clothes that did it.
LOL, Prince Harry shoulda realized that a peon can get away with that, but a Prince of the Realm! In his defense, the clothes came from his grandfather.
Lucifer doesn’t need a speaksman.
He’s used to taking the blame.
Yo, you will lose 200 if my post is ever fucking approved. Which it won’t be because God hates me.
I’m actually trying to land the gig as
joetheplumber’s new spokesbimbo.
Problem is, everyone wants a piece
of that easy money, so you have to stand in a long line.
Nun,
Don’t be sad -
you’re still the Top Disciple!
Is Nun a top or a bottom?
i’m going to get drunk again.
i’m going to a hockey game tonight.
then tomorrow, i’m going to get a tattoo of hunter s thompson’s gonzo logo
then, i’m going to play a halloween show
then, i’m going to tenacious d and beastie boys
then, i’m going to watch football all day
see you on monday, bitches!
now……….fuck off!!!
shut up, ben.
Ummm… Yo… I’m not a gay.
Oh yeah!! I remember my link… thanks, Cracka. It was a link to Dave Grohl getting interviewed as Satan from Tenacious D. So many similarities between Grohl’s Satan and our own dear Lucifer that I pondered the possibilities. Then I admitted to never seeing Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny and requested that you heathens not mock me for such an oversight.
Well if Nun doesn’t quit sticking her tits in my face she is going to be on top of my desk in a minute!
You love it, burro. Don’t pretend any different. I have such voluptuous ta-tas.
Jeez Nun, you keep asking for it in the pooper, I wondered if you were a gay man trapped in a woman’s body!
Cracka, have fun, drink a quart of water before boozing, take some asprin. Don’t get roofied. Keep some spare condoms in the glove box of your car.
And lastly, when you get home, don’t blow chunks. (another old joke)
sheesh…always with the diced carrots
G’morning, Smoggy, how’s life on the Bottom?
…diced carrots?
Yo,
Are you still talking about what I said yesterday? Get over it and move on. Where did I even mention taking anything up the ass today?
No need for you to mention it, Nun. We have records.
You tell me I keep asking for it in the pooper and then you say there’s no need to mention it. You’re just stupid, Yo.
“diced carrots” is a follow-up to your “blowing chunks”. It is a reference to the Billy Connolly sketch about the two drunk Glaswegians in Rome who wake up covered in green vomit after a night spent drinking creme de menthe because it’s what the pope drinks. Quote:
“Here’s a thing. Have you ever wondered, why everytime you’re sick, there’s diced carrots in it. I have never eaten diced carrots in my life. I have come to the conclusion, that drink doesn’t make you sick, it’s diced bloody carrots. There’s probably a pervert somewhere, with pockets full of diced carrots, following drunk men. ”
If you want to see it live type “Billy Connolly scotsmen rome” into youtube
Yo yo,
I thought you referig to this joke:
“Remember as a kid when you used to blow bubbles (or chunks)?”
“Yes”
“well he’s back in town and wants to meet up.”
Bubbles the Oakland Zoo hippo?
I was really secretly hoping you guys/gal would spring God in time for Halloween, because I was all jizzed up to see him hating on this holiday. It just burns the Christians’ last nerve to see Halloween celebrated in public schools when they can’t get Jesus in the side door.
Lucifer likes Halloween because his most ignorant followers use it as an excuse to slaughter kittens. Bad!
333 - I’m only half a beast.
Anne Johnson, the Not So Great Beast!
The So-So Beast…
The I’ll Try Harder Next Time Beast …
(oh wait, that’s my kid)
“I’m only half a beast”
I’d like you all to meet Anne’s better half
Smoggy,
322 is also a sign of evil weasels,
as in Yale’s “Skull and Bones”
ah…yiss!
C’mon Amerricins,
vote early
vote often
vote alaskan skank
I’ve already voted thrice….
They gave me an extra five bucks for each.
Bet I can get enough Wild Irish Rose to last this cold weekend.
That’s the spirit Eddie (heh…heh…alcoholic word-play).
And if you’re homeless you should vote once for every cardboard box you’ve ever lived in.
keep on voting
vote and vote some more
and don’t fergit t’ vote alaskan whore
I told them I’d vote for Obama.
He’s going to give me a tax rebate.
I don’t exactly pay taxes, but hell…
More 4 me
Smoggy, if you’re half a beast, what half are you not?
Sounds like a druid to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecN9mLpM2mM
what the fucking fuck? fuck> i’m fucked up. you know what’s fucked up? me. you know what’s fucking hard to fucking wrap your fucking head a-fucking-round? the fact that the world is horrible except you still love people. well that, coupled with the fact that the world is beautiful yet you still hate everything…yes, you fucking do. fuck it. fuck. fuck. fuck it, fuck. plus, sex doesn’t matter. it’s like eating. you get hungry, you eat. you get horny, you fuck. you feel better, but everything is still fucked. you read about shit; do your best to figure it out. no matter how much you try you can’t do shit about shit. it’s all bullshit. you can try to help kids, but they still get shot. it’s fucked. fuck god. fuck atheism. fuck the earth. fuck all the planets. fuck it. fuck. i fucking hate religious people because they’re stupid. there’s no such thing as a smart religious person. i’ve decided. i reject them. i reject me. i reject you. i reject. you reject. it’s polarity. stop caring.
Himdamnit
It’s Anne that’s the half-beast shake. I’m all ram–just ask my flock.
Have you voted Alaskan Skank yet?
right back at ya, cracka
Hey!! What happened to Satan hating on the guy in the devil costume??
You said it disappointed you Nun. So I took it down. I feel obligated to please you, as you are the biggest whore on Earth.
Lucy,
Do you mean Nun is the biggest whore as in she sleeps with lots of people or the biggest whore as in Bridgette terms aka “Thats one big bitch!!!”?
The former.
I am not a whore!!!
Lucifer,
You should not be worried about disappointing me. I’m always disappointed. I’m a woman.
And I wouldn’t be able to do any better either if I was guest-blogging for God while He’s on His Divine Vacation/Abduction so you shouldn’t be too worried about my mortal criticisms.
I feel bad, I made Lucifer take down his blog.
No, Nun. I MADE LUCIFER TAKE DOWN HIS BLOG! HE’S CHAINED TO A CHAIR FOR 24! DOWN WITH THE DEVIL!
Well, he’s credited me with making him feel inferior for which I feel much remorse. Perhaps he has told me that as he knew it would make me feel bad and knew that if you thought you were responsible, it would make you feel good. Lucifer doesn’t want us to be happy, Anne. Unless we’re involved in sexual activity. Lucifer is a generous lover.
Hey, Lucifer! Did you take down your Facebook page? Or did you just shut me out due to my lack of respect for you?
I think you should re-post the Halloween costume thing. Just use a different picture. Gosh, there are millions to choose from. It would be easy enough to find some fat slob dressed up like an angel.
I look pretty ridiculous myself right now, so if you drop by with a camera, your problems are solved.
Lucifer is a little bitch. VOTE FOR ME!!
NO. I refuse to post inferior hate posts to God. I will not and cannot let him win.
HA! You see, this is why you are now, and have always been a loser Satanus. LOSER!
Oh and BTW, with the help of some friends I’ve already broken out of hell. Prepare for My arrival.
Chump!
Hey, Lucifer. Anne’s right, your Facebook is gone!
Why, Lucifer? WHY???
Did You enjoy Your time banging all those hot chicks, God? If I was lesbo, I would have been so jealous.
Has Facebook conspired against you, Lucifer? That would suck.
First God finds that backdoor out of Hell, and now Facebook blocks my page because they don’t believe I am the Prince of Darkness? Today of all days? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY TIME!
DIE, GOD, DIE!
Did Facebook really block you, Lucifer? If so, it might have to do with a copyrighted pic. From what I’ve heard, they’re real bastards when it comes to that kind of thing. If it is the identity than God’s probably next… you know they won’t recognize His Divine Existence. I hope they never find out that my name isn’t really Cordelia Wetspot.
Yo went wacko!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081031/ap_on_re_us/school_gunman
WTF!
I wake up on the golden sidewalk after my month-long binge, the other saints are all disappeared, demons are in heaven and my nether parts are…
I manage to bump into Peter, who just got back from vacation, and that’s when the FATHER summoned us to HELL of all places.
I come here and I see that you all have already “tried” to free him. Well he’s free now, just in time to smite on this atrocity of a day.
WTF!
I wake up on the golden sidewalk after my month-long binge, the other saints are all disappeared, demons are in heaven and my nether parts are…
I manage to bump into Peter, who just got back from vacation, and that’s when the FATHER summoned us to HELL of all places.
I come here and I see that you all have already “tried” to free him. Well he’s free now, just in time to smite on this atrocity of a day.
hey Nun you posted a link! congrats whore!
God/Lucy,
Which one of You is behind the remake of The Last Dragon!?!?!?!? Sam Jackson as Sho Nuff? Why can’t Hollywood let the classics rest?
I AM NOT A WHORE!!
How many time a mother-fucker gotta say she not a mother-fuckin’ whore before a mother-fucker finally listen to a mother-fucker? MOTHER-FUCKER!!
On that note, Samuel L Jackson is totally fucktractive.
geez, somebody not get their vitamin dick this morning?
Shut up, Ben.
My, that DOES feel good!
Some of you guys either aren’t very bright or you just don’t pay attention to the finer details.
Being completely serious here, I check that foster site that I was telling you guys about previously and it just breaks my heart how many kids are given up because they have medical needs. If I had done that, I wouldn’t have my son now.
Nun,
It is sad but $$$ is a fact of life. My brother was extremely sick as a child, and amassed huge medical bills before the age of 5. Luckily my parents where some God freaks and would not get rid of him. They were in the hole for years to come, my mother had to work nights in a factory while my dad was a gardener (like those dirty Mexican guys that hang out at Home Depot) and went to school during the day. Life is tough with no insurance and the choice of giving up a child you love so you can care for the other 3 you have is not one I ever want to make.
Now go out and vote you sad angry fuckers!!!!
When we come to a place in this society where people give up sick children because they can’t afford the child’s medical bills, I call that Charles Dickens’ England or Jean Valjean’s France. Aren’t we supposed to be better than that?
Damn right I’m voting.
I agree with Anne. There’s something really wrong with society when giving up a sick child is a sad fact of life. Seriously, if I thought about the medical bills, I still wouldn’t have given up my child. Isn’t he supposed to be more important to me than money?
I should have given him up though… he’s a little loser that doesn’t try his best. God hates me and didn’t bless me with a winner.
I hope all the American citizens that have scattered to the wind use their overseas ballot.
I was given up because I had athsma.
That’s just what they told you, Ben. They really gave you up because you’re retarded but the joke’s on them, God loves you and hates them.
Happy Halloween you whores and you jerks and you fucking wingbat cuntmuffins!
shut up, ben.
Nun,
It’s not about loving your child less than money, it’s being able to feed your other children. Or knowing that if you kept your child you could not provide for them and they would be worse off with you. We live in sad times.
Have a great weekend and a happy pagan party tonight you bastards! I love you all, except for Ben.
FUCK YOU YOU CHINGY CHONGY SLANT-EYED GRINGO BASTARD!!!
Is everybody assembled? Back, Nun! That’s incense, not chiba!
All right then. The first thing you need to know is that there are better gods than God. Nicer ones. Gods and Goddesses who don’t smite. Gods and Goddesses who think anal is okay! And faeries are so much more stylish than angels. Dumb old white wings. You never see a faerie that plain.
And instead of laying dead flowers on a grave, you can actually stare into a fire and talk to your loved ones who have passed.
Except for Ben, whose loved ones dumped him.
Here, Ben. Have the stupid raisins someone gave out instead of Hershey bars.
This is my favorite night of the whole year!
Yeah except you brought incense instead of chiba. Now Nun is bitter and resentful.
Josh,
I look at these children who are “medically fragile” and I’m sure their parents thought they were better off without them when in reality, I don’t think those children are better off as wards of the state. I believe everything happens for a reason and sometimes you gotta play your hand no matter how much it sucks. There is no folding in the game of life!! And now I’ve made myself sick with my corny analogy. Thanks a lot, Josh!
And I do believe Ben is starting to get the hang of it.
johnson-390
FACE! not just any FACE, it’s a ben FACE! which is worth two FACE!s
nun-agreed, ben is getting the hang of it. ben, you’ve been much funnier lately.
this is the best night of the year. my whole (dick fingers) schtick (dick fingers) is to try to freak people out in an era in which everyone’s seen it all. but, tonight, people are extra perceptive to the weird. this weekend will be great. fuck, if was single i’d get so blown all night. since i’m married i’ll get so blown for five minutes instead.
FUCK THE FUCKERS WHO DESERVE TO GET FUCKED!!
now……….fuck off.
My second Ben Face in as many days! It’s gonna go to my head, all this accomplishment!
The witching hour draws nigh. God and Lucifer are nowhere in sight. All’s right with the world!
Well, almost all. I’m still not over the fact that Sarah Palin shot my snake.
And I never told you guys about what a frenzy there was in Philly today! Three million people at the parade! There was a traffic jam in my suburb, six miles out, people trying to get onto the mass transit.
With age comes wisdom. I stayed home and watched on t.v. That way I could work and dispense Halloween treats (and Druid religion).
Cracka. Four words to get you a longer blowjob:
“Honey, let’s go shopping.”
Nun. Four words to get you chiba:
God, where’s my stash?
Ahhh. Halloween. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE (EVERY YEAR)!
if you mean there can be only one person posting in order for Anne to claim the century quickening, then you are correct.
What the fuck is the matter with all of you? You seem to be having a party, buying into lucifers’ claims of taking over & loving all of the things that God hates. What the fuck? Well, did you notice that God has escaped the bowels of hell & is on His way back Heaven & to those of us who have been true to Him? I mean, I can understand where anne is coming from as she is not a believer, but the rest of you, shame, shame, shame. I have been a lurker for far too long. I now have to voice my opinion. For the most part Nun is the only one worthy of Gods divine love. The rest of you are just a bunch of mother fuckers. (aside from anne, who has made her beliefs apparent from day one. Tonight I will drink to God, Nun, & anne. The rest of you can fuck off! Well, I could warm up to Josh if only he weren’t a chinks-ahoy. Good night to all & Obama/Biden 08.
Douche,
You must be whining because your
“blog” went belly up …
http://stuffwhitedbagslike.wordpress.com/
I had a very witty costume this year — I can’t share it with you all, because it has direct relevance to my surname and that would be outing myself more than I am comfortable to disclose here. You all already know too much about me as it is.
I will say this — my how I appreciate you all. Even Ben, who doesn’t deserve my appreciation.
I’m sure to get dissed, but I mean it when I say that you all are:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMbtzalS3u8
and that applies to even fuckhead Ben who has been nothing but mean to me. Fuck off, Ben.
Happy Halloween, you all!
Thank You, Curtis
And thank You, God …
For having Tina show all the other girls how to dance in high heels!
I hope you all had a good Halloween. You can thank me later.
Douche is the first contributor here to get where I’m coming from. Therefore Douche, if male, gets a free blowjob. (Additional taxes and fees might apply.) If female, Douche gets a mani-pedi. Cuz I don’t go both ways.
Halloween is no thanks to you, Luci. It’s a traditional holiday of the ancient Celts. The Gods of this pantheon punished you by pulling your Facebook, so YOU ARE OFFICIALLY NOBODY!
douchebag is a douchebag.
If Douchebag is Smoggy, offer does not apply in New Zealand, Mauritania, the Czech Republic, or Gabon.
Cracka, would you like a mani-pedi? It might improve your mood.
Curtis appreciates us. His life must SUCK.
Don’t forget to turn your clocks back an hour. Cracka, this means the bar is open an extra hour tonight. Find a designated driver now.
what are you, some kind of fag, johnson?
anne, I’ll take the mani-pedi! Sorry cracka, I actually enjoy all of you. My concern has been for God & I was slightly drunk when I called you all mother fuckers. I didn’t mean it. I miss God & lucifer is a big fat hairy liar. I have never trusted him. Now Heaven is just as bad as hell. The only person I really hate is lucifer.
What are you doing apologizing douche? Fucking pansy. This is God’s blog and only the Big Guy gets apologies. It’s well known cracka is a mother fucker, and nun has been a fucked mother since she first got pregnant. And you all know why heathenannie is exempting me from her blowjob offer–because she knows she’d have to unhinge her jaw to get even the tip of my massive meatstick anywhere near her tonsils.
Weep weep pencil dicks.
So have you voted yet americans?
Have you lined up every day in the cold and the wet to whack your chads?
Have you filmed your vote and exposed a fraud?
Have you voted for Joe90 McCain?
Have you voted alaskan skank?
Have you all used the N word?
God’s coming back!!
He’s going to undo the unbelievers.
He’s going to reward the righteous.
He’s going to appall the appeasers.
He’s going to deal to the demons.
He’s going to liquefy Lucifer.
He’s going to sacrifice Satanus.
And just for fun he’s going fuck over McCain and Palin, worse than if they’d had double anal with elephants.
Hallelujah!!
Smoggy, sorry for the apology, but hey, I’m a female & you know our hormones can get out of whack…I love Nun & Anne & thought more of us women should speak up.
I have to wait until Tuesday to cast my vote for Obama. Did you read where some of McCains robocalls have Hillarys’ voice on them? McCain is such a loser. Desperate miserable old fuck. I want him to die before Tuesday.
Oops, I apologized for apologizing. I suck & am a bit dusty sine Masengill came up woth disposable douches. My bad.
Shit. I can’t even type fast. I do suck.
As Lord and Master of many local and
regional worship cults for millennia
before Islam, Christianity or Judaism,
I have to laugh at this little power struggle between God and Lucifer.
It’s like watching the faithful argue over the merits of Donkeys versus Elephants, when all the while the K Street bandits are pulling the puppet strings on both sides of the aisle. When push comes to shove, you’re all gonna get screwed over by bankers, lawyers, politicians and merchants who don’t give a rat’s ass about anything but your disposable incomes.
I’ll still be around when you all decide to start paying proper respect to the Soil and the Rain and the Wind and the Sun and the Moon and Life Itself …
.
Hey, what happened to my gravitor? I liked that sad little pink fuck.
Was it you who took it away lucifer. You sad little shithead? Go back to hell where you belong.
Smoggy’s meat stick is a slim jim.
The return of God to His Rightful Position had better bring the Ask God section for October as it has yet to be put up.
YES! Power to Lucifer… Will *you* get me a high paying position up top?
The subsequent time I read a web page, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this 1. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I basically thought youd have one thing intriguing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about a thing that you simply could fix when you werent too busy searching for attention.
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