Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Rock and Roll music is evil and must be destroyed! It comes from the Devil and is perpetrated upon mankind by his minions. It corrupts the youth and I, The Almighty Lord, hate it with all of My Might.
Rock and roll music leads to drug and alcohol abuse, fornication, fights, riots, murder, masturbation, rape and suicide - all in that order. Its gyrometric rhythms create a longing for that which is forbidden, such as anal sex, dancing and mopery.
It causes disorganized behavior and dirtiness. It makes people not shower and want to roll around in the mud. It is enjoyed by filthy, abortion-loving, draft-dodging* hippies.
Rock and roll was invented by Satanus in 1948, shortly after his attempt to take over the world with his Kraut-Jap-Wop army failed miserably. He gave up trying to defeat the Armies of Me and chose instead to focus all his attention on warping human minds through entertainment. He has been far more successful in this arena.
Since its inception, rock and roll has encouraged humans to engage in all manner of evil behavior. It awakens the gloomy slut inside every woman. It awakens the angry asshole inside every man. Also, it sounds shitty.
It’s repetitive, and the lyrics suck giant monkey balls. Rock songs are written by imbeciles attempting to sound poetic for the sake of fame.
In My Divine Opinion, humans should listen only to hymnals glorifying Me, and marching anthems which make them good at organized war.
Compare the lyrics of that most magnificent of songs, The Battle Hymn of the Republic:
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.
Now compare the glory of those verses with the abject idiocy of these rock and roll lyrics from Stairway to Heaven:
And it’s whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.
See what I mean? You see how putrid those lyrics are? Is it any wonder rock music causes children to kill themselves?
DAMN YOU ROCK MUSIC! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
*I had plans to create so many splendid dead soldiers out of those damned-dirty-hippies.
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Dear God,
I’m with you on this one. Rock and Roll
music is the first giant step on the
Stairway to Hell.
I suppose it might be more OK if done with a worshipful frame of mind, like Amy Grant or Sandi Patti, or these guys ?
http://stuffgodhates.com//wp-content/music/Personal.Jesus.mp3
Your Earliest Riser,
Tony
God,
But the lyrics to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” are the lyrics of “The Real Slim Shady” backmasked.
Why is that?
What about Christian rock God? Does it inspire it’s listeners to worship you? Or does it inspire masturbation and sodomy like secular rock music? It sure feels like I’m being sodomized when I listen to Christian rock.
I don’t care what the perverts say
Rock and Roll is here to stay !!!
Unreasonably Angry Triangle, agreement ragardingXian Rock/Sodomy. I’m sure God loves the one theme these yahoos espose: “i’m a worm, compared to Him”.
God, what about Country music? It started out with a lot of love for you, but is moving toward rock. I think that started with Dolly Parton’s crossover hits.
God,
What about rap music? I know people like the Dipset and Solja Boy are horrible bile from the ass of Satan himself, but what about the Roots and Jay-Z, and perhaps Kanye West when he’s not being an ass?
Tony Snow,
How is it you know the link to God’s hidden music?!?!?!?
[...] #50 Rock and Roll October 20, 2008 Posted by Skepdude in Humorous, Stuff God Hates. Tags: drugs, God, Rock and Roll, Satan, Sex trackback CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES” [...]
I love rock n roll
Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!
Druids officially endorse rock n roll as a valuable means of self-expression (same goes for rap).
Can’t say I’ve ever heard of anyone masturbating to rock music, but if it happens it’s a valuable curb on population growth.
Long live rock!
Tony - That is not rock music. Listen to it again. It is glorious.
Pharisee - I have no idea what you speak of.
Angry Triangle - Yes, I also hate so-called ‘Christian’ rock vehemently, as this is an attempt by Satanus to infiltrate My Holy and Apostolic Church.
YoYo - Country music is atrocious, albeit rather funny.
Josh - Rap music is also awful.
I played a ‘Jars Of Clay’ album backwards, and kept hearing ‘Roberston is the Devil’s pawn’, over and over.
When I hear a church choir sing “Blessed be the tie that binds,” it gives me impure thoughts.
Miraculously, the needle was undamaged! Praise God!
Anne, I’m afraid to ask what you think when you hear ‘He Will Come’!
God,
THen You must really hate Gospel/Christian Rap!
I was disappointed to see that Personal Jesus is not the Depeche Mode song.
That’s a pretty glorious song too, Dear Sweet Lord.
that personal Jesus song was the depeche mode song this morning, looks like God pulled anothe one of his famous switcheroos on Tony Snow.
Almost time for our resident sheep-snogger to check in.
I love our Divine God and all the silly jokes He plays on us mortals. I hope He changes it back, Depeche Mode’s ‘Personal Jesus’ really is a glorious song.
God,
How do You feel about Ringo Starr? He’s made a good life for himself singing that evil “Rock and Roll” but it seems he’s trying to make amends for his secular lifestyle by turning his back on his heathen fans. Will You forgive him for his service in Satan’s army, Lord?
Isn’t Ben the Jets fan? And why does somebody from Iowa like the Jets? I guess there’s not really a lot of options in Iowa. Anyway, I wonder how Ben feels about his QB having a vagina instead of a dick. Brett Favre is a whiny, crybaby pussy-boy.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Favre-commits-football-treason-tells-Lions-abou?urn=nfl,116014
Favre is the equivalent of a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.
If God heard “Wormwood” by The Residents, he would have a hissy fit.
http://www.residents.com
Nun,
I used to be a Jets fan. Now I’m a Titans fan.
Thank you God for taking mercy on me. I will try not to get carried away in my racist slurs.
jk
Will Ringo go to Hell, or Heaven? Does it depend on where the predeceased Beatles have gone? And whether or not God or Satan wants a reunion tour?
Where is everyone today?
I dunno Josh - I wonder if cracka’s sleeping off his booze and meth filled weekend? It’s dull today.
“Rock and roll music leads to drug and alcohol abuse, fornication, fights, riots, murder, masturbation, rape and suicide - all in that order.”
Besides masturbation and fornication (and all other words over 2 syllables), which of those are you against, exactly?
“It is enjoyed by filthy, abortion-loving, draft-dodging hippies.”
Yes, draft-dodging hippies. Like the man who owns your title for eternity: The King. Just another draft-dodging hippie, right?
man, God sure is a buzzkill.
George Harrison penned a tune called “My Sweet Lord” but I’m betting that song just got him banished to Hell as it’s not really about our Big Divine Lug of a God. I think God has already specified that John Lennon went to Hell. McCartney will probably go to Hell for having the bad sense to not only fuck Heather Mills but also for marrying the skank.
And for not having a prenup (or at least a decent prenup.
Where is Curtis? And Sheep-shanker? Cracka?
(Listens to echo, crickets chirping…)
Curtis may be bitter for which I don’t blame him one bit. This place can be a bit tough when one is not in the best of moods.
No Bridgette on this one. She probably agrees that listening to rock music makes you masturbate. Bet she’s never told her pastor about her extensive collection of bootleg Jerry Lee Lewis albums.
God is the tough one. Smite after smite on my printer. I’m sick as shit of it.
Yo, God.
I have it on good authority that Galactus listens to rock music on his ipod while he eats Your worlds.
You gotta do something about that Galactus…
I wanna be a triangle! How come I’m an octagon? The triangles are so much cooler.
I wonder how God feels about the scourge of the universe; disco. The Bee Gees are singing “Staying Alive” on the radio right now and I’m sure a place in Hell awaits them. One of them should already be there.
Hell is The Bee Gees as interpreted by Muzak.
The horror…the horror…
Yeah, we can be rough on people. Err, did we attack Curtis?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SVmQMPaLMQ
I miss her so much.
Yo,
Did you even pay attention to what Curtis posted about his job?
Curtis needs a union rep cuz he been screwed, and not in a good way.
hey faith dude,
you must have missed this post:
http://stuffgodhates.com/?p=141
God already put the smackdown on Galactus.
Hey Nun, it’s a slow afternoon. Which rock stars would you shag, and in what order?
I don’t mean the way they look now, I mean when they were at their hottie peak.
Bowie would have been interesting.
I’ve seen things crawl out of dead skunks that were more appealing than Mick Jagger.
Admittedly I’m not a rock snob. I always preferred bluegrass. There were any number of bluegrass musicians, most of them hot, that I would have shagged. Marty Stuart … whoa … God should hate bluegrass music! But I guess he doesn’t, because they always have at least one religious song on their CDs. Even Marty Stuart. Waste of good track space, if you ask me.
Nah, I’ve just been in meetings all day for my stupid, homophobic job. But I showed ‘em. Today I wore short shorts, leg warmers, and a tank top that reads,”don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me!” I look like Richard Simmons.
Take that, stupid job!
‘Night, y’all.
I would so totally fuck Prince. I’ll bet he’s freaky-deaky in bed.
Josh is gonna be on me for leaving a string of comments. U out there, Joshy? It’ll be a long crawl to 100 from here!
LOL… Oh, Curtis… I wish you really did do that. That would be perfecto.
50 means I’m halfway there. Great choice of clothing, Curtis!
Prince doesn’t float my boat. Neither does Lou Reed.
I like dark meat although when it comes to Prince, it’s the freaky-deaky factor that does it for me. I would fuck Ludicris in a New York minute.
Joe Elliott from Def Leppard, I’d fuck him senseless. Rick Allen, drummer from Def Leppard, I’d fuck him until his arm grew back. I’d fuck me some Tom Petty. My burro would fuck Frank Spotnitz. I would fuck me some Steven Tyler but not necessarily because he’s a hottie. I think I’d also fuck me some Lars from Metallica, if he kept his mouth shut.
Hmm… I’m still thinking… my burro is helping me.
Nun, I just looked at the last comments on the Judson Laipply blog - that sucks, Curtis! I’m going to organize a protest. Or maybe go get a beer.
Lawyers can pick apart ‘carefully worded’ statements like that - what does ‘family man’ have to do with your job? Makes no sense. Time to slip an E.coli strain into your boss’s broth.
God Damn you all!! Where is the respect for Gilda Radner??
Talk about how great she was, you heartless heathen bastards!! 
Am I missing something?
I’m not heartless or a bastard. I’m not even a heathen. In the Pagan community, you only use “heathen” to describe Astratus, the folks who worship Thor and Odin. Which I don’t, although I do like Loki.
Where are the boys who look after the sheep?
(Cracka and Smoggy)
They’re under the haystack, fast asleep!
God, certainly You’re not including Drowning Pool, Slayer or Pantera in that realm, right? I listened to them for Your divine inspiration as a soldier to take the lives of others. I sent you many a soul while listening to “Bodies” by Drowning Pool. Many a dead soldier I sent you was directly inspired by that blessed song. I think You should have southern gospel quiors sing it A Capella.
I never can spell Asratu. Can’t pronounce it either.
Oops… Misspelled my own email address.
Ooooooo! “Ask God” is gonna be right at Halloween! What do you think of Halloween, God?
Yeah. Like I should ask.
Not true, American Psycho,
God might hate Galactus, but He has not smitten (smote) him because tHey are related.
God, could You please smite American Psycho for spreading misinformation and speaking in tongues and that sort of thing?
and, get over Yourself and smite Galactus, for chrissakes!
Was I totally blind to the fact that Def Leppard have their picture in this blog? I just noticed the pic after I said I’d fuck at least two of them(in truth, I’d fuck all of them but the dead one - Nun don’t roll that way) and now I’m wondering if I’ve incurred God’s Divine and Smiting Wrath.
Are you all too young to even know who Gilda Radner is?
Besides God….
Slayer played loudly makes dirty hippies disappear
I wonder if Zeus is ever coming back.
Nun, I know who Gilda Radner was. A brilliant comedic mind.
A dear and twisted friend of mine is getting married in a few months. She’s planning on wearing a traditional Spanish flamenco dress and asking all the attendees to dress as Gypsies. I’m thinking of renting a pony and presenting said pony as their wedding gift.
Too much? Over the top? What say you fine geometric multicolored shapes?
I AM serious about this.
Curtis,
I don’t even know why you’re second-guessing that most excellent idea. I would imagine that your friend would love it.
By the way, I think your friend is a genius.
Nun said it - That’s it!! She’s getting a pony for a wedding gift!! Oh this is good!
What? God hates Christ-rock too?
Lemme tell ya folks a thing or two. Rock and roll is music FOR YOUR MIND. Besides, not all are drug addicts and whatnot. What the fuck happened with the straight edge kids who listen to Parkway Drive all day long? AT LEAST THEY’RE NOT FUCKING UP THEIR BRAINS!!!!!
Hey God what do you think of the new AC/DC album? I think it totally ROCKS!!!!
Good morning (East Coast Time) all.
Nun, how did you work Gilda Radner into the blog?
Curtis, will you be dressed as a gaucho when you ride in on your pony?
Yo,
She pops into my mind occasionally. I miss her. She was so talented.
God,
I watched a show on the History channel the other night about You and Satan and another show on all the books that have been banned from Your Good Book. I was full of love for You, Dear Lord and was immensely pleased to see that secular programming was devoted to You, O Great One.
I’m curious God, how do You feel about that fornicating whore, Lillith, who was only interested in spawning demon children? Is she the real reason You hate women?
And what about Solomon? I know He earned Your wrath and was punished with craziness but did it ever make You Divinely Nervous when he was working so closely with Satan’s demons?
And what do You think about Your Jews not recognizing Jesus’ Divinity? Do You recognize Jesus’ Divinity or is he just another punk kid?
These are all questions that make us mere mortals go crazy trying to ponder the answers. Your Divine Assistance would be most appreciated, O Beautiful Lord.
I would do a Gilda Radner Lily Tomlin sandwich, of course this would be in the early 70s as doing it today woould be somethign worthy of Cracka’s tastes.
Anne,
I’ve seen Bowie up close, and man o’ man, he’s looks rough. Sad part is he’d rather do Mic Jager. Iman btw, looks fab, she is killing it at 50ish. I have never in my life seen someone so beautiful. He skin is perfect, and the rest of her aint far behind.
I love Lily Tomlin but I don’t think she’d want to be involved in your sandwich, Josh.
I always wanted a Gilda Radner /Laraine Newman sandwich…agreement on the ’70’s.
Maybe a Jane Curtin chaser. Mmm-mm!
Jane, you ignorant SLUT!
Nun,
Lily would be there just to do Rita.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F86s4Vq59Ks
where in the fuck is cracka?? i need a good shutting up.
I’ve seen that before, Josh. I love the way Jason Schwartzman never moves until the A.D tells them to clear out.
I’d actually like to point something out about that video because I get sick of people railing against Tomlin.
Did anybody notice that Tomlin was making professional points as to why the scene couldn’t be played the way the director was directing her? Then Russell freaks the fuck out and starts calling her a cunt and a bitch.
Who was really unprofessional in that instance?
Well Nun,
It’s both their faults.
Lily has to remember it’s not her movie, and if the director wants to make a piece of shit (See Brett Ratner) it’s her job to give the best performance in that shit. She shouldn’t address concernes with the script or direction in front of other actors and staff as it undermines the director’s authority on set.
He should have never called her a cunt, he should have pulled her aside and talked about it, not in front of a camera or any other people.
That’s the little bit of shit I know from working on shitty movies and going to film school.
I think a lot of actors would disagree that she shouldn’t be allowed to express her dissatisfaction. In that particular incident, she is telling him that she cannot physically do what he’s asking her to do. It sounds like she’s asking for clarification on what she’s supposed to be holding and how she’s supposed to be positioned and how can she grab something if she’s sitting a certain way and already holding something. I think she’s well within her rights to question his direction as they’re filming the scene. Sure, directors direct but the actors have to put their name on the project too.
No offense but in your situation, it probably is best that you keep quiet and do what you’re directed to do but somebody like Tomlin has paid her dues and she shouldn’t be disregarded just because she’s a woman. Granted, Tomlin probably could have handled things better herself but at least she doesn’t resort to name-calling.
Nun,
I agree, I’m fucking nobody. My point is not that you should not question something but it’s not something you do in front of the crew, it really makes a bad thing on set because they look to the director for leadership. If it’s a big actor on set that is running the show, then they look to him/her, which can be fine, but too many chefs…… That’s probably what made him flip.
From what I understand about David Russell, he flips out regardless of what’s going on around him. He’s a jackass, probably akin to James Cameron.
I’ve got a serious question for you, Josh, you big, fat Chinese guy. I have a problem with the term ‘African American’, I find it borderline offensive as it assumes that every black person has descended from Africa. My boy’s father is Irish, never lived in Africa and neither did his ancestors, as far back as he can trace anyway. He does not appreciate being called ‘African-American’ as he has never been to Africa and does not consider himself African. He is a black American and I concur.
I, very much like the site that Cracka linked to last week, have many black friends. Black people love me, they think I’m super-cool. Most of my black friends do not care for the term ‘African-American’ either.
So, what say you, Mr. Chinese Fatty? Do you prefer the term “Chinese-American”? Or would you prefer being called “black”, if you were black which we all know you’re not. You fatty, fatty Sumo China-man.
shut up, ben.
nun, you know your band sucks when the drummer loses an arm and you still sound exactly the same. buttrock. haha.
I would argue that Def Leppard’s percussion sound got better when Mr. Allen found himself the unfortunate victim of an arm hijacking.
WOOHOO!! My car is finally worth more than what I fucking owe!!
maybe their percussion got better, but nothing about them ever got good. this car of yours, is it made out of marijuana?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Pella-Franklin.JPG
if i was going to blow a place up, that would be the place.
I just filled up the gas tank on my car - it doubled the value.
“this car of yours, is it made out of marijuana?”
Which Cheech and Chong movie had the van made from marijuana? Up in Smoke?
there can be only one!!
Cracka,
Are you a retard or do you just play one on the internet?
whatever, 101 is better anyway.
yes. up in smoke. “shoot the moon! shoot the moo-oon!!”
go on, nun. i’m listening.
Loved the ‘nuns getting frisked’ scene.
cracka, why the hate on Pella? izat where ben is from?
Nun,
I don’t like the term’s african america, or chink-american. I think they are devisive and they are just words to make sure people know you’re not racist. I do think it;s funny that we have the term Blacks, when you don’t refer to asians as Yellows.
But honestly I don’t care what words you say. I would prefer if racists used the term nigger or chink so I could see them coming. Nothing worse than thinking someone is cool then you end up lynched.
true, josh. you should see the look on some of their oddly colored faces when we bring out the noose. priceless!
yes, yoyo, ben lives in pella. so, that’s where we should mail all of our hate letters from now on.
That’s what Ben said, Cracka.
What the fuck is wrong with Chink-American, Josh? That’s what you are, isn’t it? A chinky-chink Fat McChink Chink-American.
FUCKING ASIANS!!! GO BACK TO CHING CHONG CHINKY LAND, FATTIES!!!!
that’s true, nun. maybe ben isn’t in iowa at all. maybe ben should shut up.
Ben may very well be in Iowa but I have my doubts. He was a big time Jets fan, to the point of engaging in discussions with me about which Favre the Jets got… the one from last year who was competent or the whiny pussy bitch who throws interceptions all the time from two and three seasons ago. Now he’s a Titans fan.
Unless that was Josh that I was discussing Favre with. In which case, I still can’t distinguish between the two. However, when I asked about the Jets fan yesterday, Ben said that it was him.
All that aside, I don’t really care where Ben is. I’m not looking him up on Wiki(why do you do that anyway?) and I didn’t really expect him to tell us where he was. It was a rhetorical question meant to prove a point.
I never understood the term “African American” either. I sometimes think that the coloreds have an identity crisis and therefore are confusing ethnicity with race. I mean, it’s not like they are like the Yids.
Where do Yids come from? Yidland? Oi! Do you have to be a Yid to speak Yiddish?
I think in order to speak it with conviction, yes, you’ve got to be a Heb.
A chance of snow here in Maine. Maybe I should have worn snowshoes. Perhaps I should have worn my regular shoes, too.
What do you all suppose the absolute worst racial or ethnic slur of all time is? I suppose it would depend on your race or ethnicity.
Discuss . . .
honky. definitely. i mean, come on!!!
all i did was find a pic of pella, iowa to face ben a little bit. he deserves it. whenever ben gets on your nerves just post a pic of pella, iowa. you automatically win. ol’ paranoid nun and her incredible maneating vagina.
“Incredible Maneating Vagina” sounds like a B movie to me.
Curtis,
I don’t particularly care for ‘coon’. There really are some heinous slurs out there but they can be made so much worse depending on the amount of venom that the user spews with the slur. Like I call Josh ‘Ching Chong McFattyChink’ but he knows I do it out of love and ignorance.
My vagina is A-List only!!
now that it has come to my attention that God hates rock and roll, country, rap and all music that doesn’t honor Him i have reformed my band as a group of fat black women in robes who stand behind me and clap and sing vague phrases about how great God is while i just kind of dance around like an idiot. should be a big hit. i think i’m going to call it, “Fat Black Women Sing Loud” or “Uppity Cracka and His African-American Worship Team”.
Cracka, based on a careful analysis of your comments, I have discovered your location: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/24/Minneapolis-skyline-2006-07-17.jpg
How about ‘Uppity Yours’?
damn you, yoyo!!!! now, all you would have to do is drive to that spot and start killing white people in concentric circles until all 3.5 million of us our dead and you would have me!!!! FUCK!!!
You guys just don’t understand paranoia.
I always hated Molato. It means mule and that’s a bit on the derogatory side.
Sorry, Nun. I protect my identity whilst playing here. I’ve let out a few facts, and maybe made up some stuff. But I’m not paranoid.
Sorry, cracka, here’s my location so you may retaliate: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ad/BangorSkyline.jpg
To save ammo, ask your potential victim, “Are you a Yo Yo?”
not that I am a filthy Molato, I just feel bad for Halle Berry.
i guess until we are dead, not our dead, we own no dead. they belong to God.
I feel bad for Halle Berry too. Catwoman… YUCK!
I ran over a fat guy last night for God. I was driving along, minding my own business when I see the chubbasaur standing there at the bus stop wasting my God given air. So I asked myself, what would God want me to do right now? Given God’s immense hatred for all that is fat, I decided that God would want me to kill that fatty fat. So I stepped on the accelerator and plowed into his fat frame sending his tubby ass flying over the hood of my car. I watched in the rear view mirror because the worst thing you can do is a half-assed job of killing for God and I had to make sure the tub o’ lard was dead, dead, dead. When he hit the pavement he exploded just like a watermelon. It was wicked cool but a little disgusting too.
I do it all for You, God.
I just friend requested Ben on Facebook!
I like Ben, that big old asshole.
what are you talking about Josh? No you didn’t, cause I don’t even HAVE facebook. dumbass.
haha! facebook is gay.
YEAH!
word to what he said.
Wow. You do realize you’re not the only person named ‘Ben’, don’t you?
I ran over a seven foot flaming Spectre of Death on the way to work this morning. Made a sound like running over a bag of laundry. Hope I didn’t hurt the tires.
of course Nun, of course. I just feel sorry for that other Ben Van Kampen out there who just got friend requested by some random unknown guy who I have no idea who he is. that poor other Ben is gonna think facebook has gone the way of myspace and isn’t safe anymore.
I’ve decided to delete all the sinful rock music off of my iPod. Now I have only showtunes and classic bluegrass. My iPod is boring now, but I did it all for God.
i like you too Josh. maybe i’ll drive out to New York someday and see you perform.
SYKE!
poor son of a bitch. i bet he doesn’t even own a monkey.
i deleted everything God hates from my life and now i just breathe and have ‘normal’ sex all day. it’s okay i guess.
How do you know he requested the friendship of Ben Van Blah? He just mentioned ‘Ben’ and if he found ‘Ben’ through God’s profile then it’s not Ben Van Blah.
Curtis,
I have a shitload of showtunes too but I think God likes showtunes. And Depeche Mode. I wonder how God feels about Erasure and The Pet Shop Boys.
But gays like show tunes! And there are many gay men who appear in shows! And in the after show party, they engage in french kissing, and anal sex! VERBOTEN!
Nun, I hope God doesn’t ever hat the PSB because I would HAVE to kill myself then. Or at least have Cracka kill me.
Actually, I think it would be nice to see Josh perform in person. I think he’s hilarious, not that I’ve remembered who he really is or anything.
Shhhhh! Yo! Nobody is supposed to know about that. Hush!
they do it in secret, remember?
ben outed himself twice. what a douchenheimer.
Dang! Uhmm. Shit.
Ben,
I hate you now.
Nun, did you rent Idiocracy?
Got it today, Josh. I got Brown Bunny too but I’ve been told the movie is incredibly boring and I should just fast forward to the fellatio scene.
I think it would be really cool to see Josh perform if Jon Stewart was there too. Have I mentioned how much I love Jon Stewart? Because I do. I really love Jon Stewart.
Please see me, Jon Stewart!! Love me, DAMMIT!!
Jon Stewart is not only a comedic genius, but also rather politically informed in my opinion. I get all my news from CNN and The Daily Show.
And of course, Fox News. Kidding!
And he’s HOTT!!
no you don’t Josh. don’t say that.
Idiocracy sucked
He’s super hot and I don’t think he realizes it which makes him even hotter.
no he’s not….he’s short old and ugly….
Nun, I suggest that we just ignore the monkey formerly known as Ben.
Silly, Ben. That’s you looking in the mirror. Silly, Ben.
YOU CAN’T IGNORE ME!
oooohh, that was some kind of Jon Stewart level wit there Nun.
Curtis,
We need not ignore a silly little person who projects his own issues on others. We simply need to point at him while laughing and mocking all the features that he is insecure about. Like the fact that he’s short, old and ugly. Silly Ben keeps outing himself.
Shut up, Fugly Ben.
it’s pretty hard to rip on stewart. the guy’s smart and funny and cares and actually reads (books even) and is hot for a short guy, apparently, so…….shut up, ben.
He can also get feisty which turns Nun on.
I really hope Joseph Edward Duncan is dealt with swiftly. I don’t really agree with the death penalty, I think Steve Groene should get to decide Duncan’s fate but if somebody deserves to die at the hands of the courts, it’s probably Duncan.
you deserve to die at the hands of the courts
It really is too bad that you’re so stupid, Ben. You might be funny sometimes if you weren’t.
I’m pointing, Nun, and laughing (out loud!) and he’s still not shutting up.
Cheeky monkey.
I’m just going to ignore him so more.
Curtis,
Have you ever tried to tell a retard to shut up? They don’t. They just keep babbling and babbling thinking they’re saying something that is interesting. Look at “Life Goes On”, I don’t know about you but I would have smacked the holy hell out of Corky on a daily basis and enjoyed it. Fucking retards!
What’s nice for Ben though is that God does love him. He just hates his parents.
Nun,
I think Joseph Edward Duncan should have his testicals shaved then dipped in rubbing alcohol, then honey dripped on them then you shake up a jar of bees and let them loose on his nuts, then when they are done you open a large cage and a grizzle bear comes out and eats the rest of the honey. Then when the bear is sleep, you shoot JED in each kneecap, and crush each of his hands with a sledge hammer, then set him on fire.
Ben,
I do hate you. Idiocracy was a great movie. Perhaps you did not find it funny because you were the butt of it’s jokes. Ouch my balls!
Why don’t you guys just get tickets to the Daily Show? They are free. Then come to NYC to check out the show and enjoy the rest of the sites, like Homeless Joe and his jar of feces.
what….you don’t hate me. none of you do. you love me. say it> you love me.
and i am smarter than all of you combined. i’m smarter than God too. i could write this stupid blog so much funnier.
Josh, you know what would be worse? Lock him in a room with Ben.
i went to the daily show. i mean, for fucksake people, the tickets are free. i met that guy with the feces jar, too. shut up, ben. neb, shut up. you too, pirate mccain. and you, prophet nebiliah, shut up. shut up, benjamin. dead ben, shut up.
Curtis,
I hate child molesters, but what you suggest takes it too far, it’s inhumane!
we don’t love you, ben. we just use you for your monkey.
what about the statutory rape kind of child molesters, you know, she was 17 going on 28? those guys aren’t so bad.
smoggy~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
where the fuck is zeus? he was funny.
Where the fuck is Bridgette? she was really funny.
Josh, that’s just how hard core I am.
Josh,
Do all that and then give him to Steve Groene. My son is the same age as Dylan Groene was when Duncan took those kids and I would almost pity the fool that found themselves in my hands if they treated my child in such a way. I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from doing unto him just what he had done unto my child. Except I’d be using a stick, a curling iron and whatever else I could get my grubby hands on. I read the Crime Library and know how to torture.
cracka,
17 is fine, at that point you can get up and move if someone tries to pee on you. (From a Chappelle bit)
I’m starting to get a bit worried about Zeus. Where the fuck is he? And where the fuck is Smoggy? He hasn’t been here in a couple of days.
As for Bridgette, we don’t know yet if she has an approved ISP. Maybe her bible verse is sitting in the moderation queue.
You people have completely overlooked my immense love and lust for Jon Stewart. Tickets to the Daily Show do me no good unless they include “Naked time with Jon” backstage.
I guess you’re an all or nothing type lady Nun.
Just remember the Jon Stewart penis that’s in your head is much better than the real thing.
Everybody’s penis is so much better in my head. I’m pretty generous that way and it’s why I do so much masturbating for God. The real thing is always so disappointing. Most of you guys really suck in the sack. And not any good kind of sucking either. Lame.
Nun,
just so you know, the women are always better in my head too. That’s why I masterbate so much, that and the unlimited amounts of porno on the web.
masturbating about how sex in better in my head is better in my head. it’s a real catch 22. or maybe it’s a pitch 22.
hey Nun, my penis is 10 inches long and 4 fat fingers wide. but you’ll never get it you old bag.
First, men are notorious liars when it comes to describing their penis. Second, you seem to have assumed I’d want it, Ben. I’d rather do without then deal with a beautiful specimen that’s attached to you.
FACE!
wait. no. “than” and “then” are not the same thing. false face alarm.
Actually, Nun, I’ve made grown men cry with my oral skills.
blech!
that’s not a good thing, you’re using too much teeth!
So close to 200 who might take that comment today?
i think the century comments have lost their charm
do we really care?
200 bitches! The century quickening is ALL MINE!
well?
Some do.
I CAN FEEL MY POWER SURGING!!!
I couldn’t agree more, Josh. To pursue them and make such a big deal out of them at this point is sort of stupid and retarded.
I do think that might count as a roundabout “face”. Cracka? Verdict?
‘Night y’all.
Cracka’s a greedy ass with the FACE. My FACE was negated because of my poor grammar. I SUCK!!
sorry, nun. if i’m going to retract a FACE from bridgette for a your/you’re error then i have to do the same for a then/than error. century quickenings need to be claimed without anyone saying anything about them leading up to it. i’ve got the rulebook around here somewhere. i’d ask God but he hates questions.
Grammar and spelling are real sticking points in this community, aren’t they? It’s God’s fault. He’s the one who created a stupid language that has words that are spelled different but sound the same. What retard would do that except some lame God?
God, your two stupid four words.
just 8 more centruy quickenings for Ben and then he will be only slightly retarded. God’s speed Slow Ben!
BTW, I spent the day in Trenton, but did anyone miss me? I SAID, DID ANYONE MISS ME? Hell no, you’re pining for Smoggy! I can feel the love.
i kinda missed you ya old druish cunt.
johnson. we look for any excuse to rip each other. for instance, you believe in unicorns. hahahahahaha!!
where the f is smoggy? i almost forgot everything he taught me about new zealand. F!!! EFF!!!!!
yo! ease up cracka. unicorns, fairies, and tree gods are much more verifiable than the Judeo-Christian God. geez.
no. they’re equally as unverifiable. don’t make me tell you to shut up.
I hate you, Cracka.
I don’t care if you made a valid point.
When are they going to close Guantanamo? The way we are holding these men without the right to fair trial is so wrong. Bush is such a fucking moronic twit that doesn’t give a rat’s ass about justice or the way the rest of the fucking world views America.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081021/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/cb_guantanamo_charges_dropped
I never said I didn’t believe in God. I just believe he’s a horse’s ass. Unicorns, on the other hand, are divine beings and look pretty in pink.
Nun, Bush has made it so that the next president will have to make the decision on Guantanamo.
Cracka, I try to think of ways to rip you, but then I see your sad little unibrow and your sickly yellow complexion, and I say to myself, “Faeries, that guy must have a drinking problem!”
Tree Gods hate Ben. He’d better not walk in the forest on a windy day.
Cut them trees down, that’s what I say! Yee-haw!
Shove some bark up your twat and have a nice day!
I think everybody hates Ben. I feel kind of bad for the guy. He’s so clueless.
I don’t hate Ben. I loathe him with the intensity of 700 billion dollars doused with kerosene and lit a flame. That’s why I ignore him.
To hate would be un-Godlike. Oh. Wait.
Anybody here adopted a child out of foster care? I’m thinking of doing so and am wondering if anybody has any words of advice? Other than “don’t do it”.
Do it, Nun! Do it. Give one lucky kid a shot at a decent life.
I actually thought of it once, Nun. My brother had a kid out of wedlock and needed a daddy. He’s screwed. I mean the kid’s mother actually keeps the boy in the basement because he keeps trying to run away.
What does that tell you about “traditional family values”???
I often wonder what kind of daddy I might have been. A rather poor one, I think, but I would tell you this — if I EVER had the chance to be a daddy, I would instill in my kid a sense of knowing that they could do anything they ever wanted if they worked hard enough — no matter what anyone said and that they were important and that they were loved. NO MATTER WHAT.
That, and of course, they would have to take piano lessons. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
Meaning, I would gladly take on the responsibility if I were allowed.
I’m not, of course, because I would be an unfit parent.
Don’t want those gays to have any influence on our unwanted children.
You’d be a great parent Curtis. Kid’s care about being loved and valued: “three decades of research shows that children of gay or lesbian parents are just as mentally healthy as children with heterosexual parents [and] reported closer ties with their schools and classmates…. While the sexual orientation of the parents in one study did not predict the adolescents’ social adjustment, the quality of the parent-child relationship did. Children who reported warm relationships with their parents tended to be the most mentally healthy and have the fewest problems in school.”
You want to meet a truly dangerous and abusive parent? Click here (but be warned it’s extremely homophobic and may ruin your dinner): http://baptisthomeschooling.blogspot.com/2008/10/perilous-times-sodomites-in-school.html
Smoggy,
My son is a ‘loser’ so I’m hoping to adopt a ‘winner’ from foster care so I can finally be a proud mom. My motives aren’t noble.
Curtis,
Have you thought about moving? Some states actually recognize gays as people and let them adopt.
Fucking baptists.
I won’t even follow the link. I was raised by the oppressive racist a-holes.
Nun,
Adopt a black baby, cuz no one else wants them (sad but true the darker the baby the less likely it will be adopted).
Josh,
Who do you think I’ve been looking at? You’re singing to the choir, honey. But I should clarify that I’m not looking at infants or toddlers. I’m looking at the older kids… 5-10 or so.
I’m a huge X-Files fan and the worker I was assigned has the last name of one of the two main characters and the middle name of the same character. Is that a fucking sign or just fucking spooky? I’d be more specific but Cracka would track down my caseworker!!
“It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools.” —Ecclesiastes 7:5
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/devils_music.htm
Nun, I have a friend who adopted three children from foster care, bio-siblings. He said it worked out for him, other than some fool at DHHS giving the bio-parents his address! He and his wife and kids moved to a different town. The kids had been abused, I don’t know the details, but a
Adopting a foster kid will be a lot of work, as you know. Most of these kids are special needs, have PTSD, or were abused. Older ones may have attachment disorders. Your state should have training available, and support networks.
That said, it can be very rewarding!
Josh, my youngest son is black (obviously, we adopted him). I have mixed feelings about it. I love him dearly - he’s a great kid, all boy, and bring a lot of joy to us. But he’s the only black kid within twenty miles (Maine is over 98% white). When he was four, he held his arm against mine and said, “Daddy, why don’t I look like you?” It broke my heart. He felt bad that we didn’t look alike. I told him we loved him for who he is, not what he looks like.
I also worry about the future. He’s going to be exposed to racism someday, my wife and I are ill-equiped to help him.
Him damn it! ‘Anonomous’ was/is me.
And I know my son is my son - when he was a baby, and woke up for his three AM feeding, who carefully nudged his wife awake then pretended to be asleep?
Yo yo,
If I had a white dad I could tell you that it is hard but it all works out in the end. Luckily my dad is a chink bot (Robot Chinese Hybrid, they are huge in Japan). If you need someone to talk to him, I know a few black dudes.
Truth is there are some things you will never understand, but in the end if you love your son it will all work out.
Nun,
I apodted a 4 year old Indian dude that no one wanted, he’s in India and I send him money every month. I requested a kid no one wanted and they gave me a dark indian. Nice.
I’ve been following a site for about three years that profiles foster children in the state. It is incredibly sad to see these kids sit in the system for years.
I also hate to see a kid get placed and then given back to the state. A kid was just added to the roster that had been adopted by a birth relative at 4 months and then given back to the state after 7 years because of his behavior. HELLO!! You fucking raised him, morons! It’s behavior that YOU taught him.
I raise my boy alone which is what has really deterred me from doing this. Not to mention that my resources are a little limited in regards to how fucked up the kid can be. But I watch for those ‘winners’. I’m also a big believer in fate and paying attention to the signs along the road so the caseworker’s name really did stop and make me go “hmmmm”.
This is going to fuck with my ability to keep you guys guessing about my location and I’ll regret it later but do these guys look like little ‘winners’ or what?
http://www.nwae.org/c7161-62.html
Josh,
Don’t pretend like you’d know what it’s like to have a white dad. You’re just teasing Yo. Besides, white people are gross.
I love this little guy’s ears. Just imagine how big they’ll be when he’s a little old man.
http://www.nwae.org/c7101.html
I like this boy too and my heart goes out to him since he’s been given back to the state.
http://www.nwae.org/c7103.html
look, you heathen fucks, bridgette has clearly pointed out (thank you, bridgette), through her completely valid and not in any way retarded link, that you guys are all going to hell because you listen to music. so, stop trying to adopt kids to bring to hell with you. you stupid heathen faggots! die!!!! DIE!!!!! DIE IN CHRIST, YOU FUCKS!!!
those two brothers are freakin’ adorable. if i wasn’t such a racist, angry cracker i might have some sort of feeling. BUT I DON’T!! SHUT UP, BEN!!
from the baptist link, is it hilarious or just offensive? i think it’s both:
The term bisexual is an unnecessary distinction, because a faggot wants to defile anyone or anything he can get his hands on. A friend recently sent me this article about a “gay-friendly” high school. If we were living in a biblical society, homosexuality would be punishable by death so such a school would be unnecessary. Although I’m against the special accommodations, perhaps this new trend of segregation will protect straight kids from these predators. With any luck, some radical will blow up the gay school.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!KABLOOEY!!!!!!!!
Cracka said: “With any luck, some radical will blow up the gay school.”
Cracka, please do not give Bridgette or any other nutjobs any ideas.
Nun,
Hopefully he will grow into his ears, I know a little brown boy who looked just like him. Now his ears are ok, but he’s still a fucking idiot. I call him Gentle Ben.
does gentle ben have a pet monkey?
Does Gentle Ben like to touch his monkey?
BRIDGETTE STRIKES AGAIN! KABLOOEY!
If I had a black baby, I’d make sure to corn row his/her hair because I think that looks adorable on black kids.
Cracka, please. Stop using the word “faggot”. It’s tacky. Besides, we prefer the term “poofter”.
And YEA! Bridgette is back and just as fat and sassy as always!
What happened to the dick riding the rocket?
Curtis,
Please stop taking offense to the word ‘faggot’. After all, when somebody calls you a bundle of sticks, they look like an idiot and you still don’t look like a bundle of sticks.
It’s not a dick riding a rocket, it’s Major Kong riding an atom bomb from “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb”
Major Kong looks like a penis.
and you look like a sandy vagina.
Actually, Nun, I think I do look like a bundle of sticks because I’m skinny. I’m not really offended, I just think it’s a tacky word.
It is a tacky word, Curtis. I don’t care for it much myself.
What in the name of fuck does a sandy vagina look like?
tacky is a faggoty-ass word to use, curtis. jesus, man. you homos think you got the market cornered on style, but really you just got the market cornered on men having sex with other men. besides, i was just going with the theme of the day, which seems to be that we should just put all the ‘mos in a building and blow it up. problem solved. wait a minute, what was the original problem we needed to solve? oh yeah, unGodly sex. kablooey. solved.
Do you really want to piss me off and make me have a bad day, Cracka? You better put on some PPE!
I’ve got the market cornered on sex with sheep. But I only do it because I am devout and faithful. Having sex with sheep is like having sex with Jesus “the lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world”. It means I can say my trust is IN Christ.
Damn–I just did a Yo-yo.
But y’all knew who it was…
I said “Jesus” last night instead of “Oh God”. I hope God isn’t too angry about that.
You know, sometimes I wonder if this site wasn’t started by Trey Parker and Matt Stone to try to get material for their show since we’re all so fucking funny.
Damn you Trey and Matt!
Damn you!!
Nun, don’t assume all foster kids are brought up badly. There are kids with bipolar parents (black and white), kids whose parents had ADHD, the whole works. It sucks to be born with these kinds of problems, because people don’t expect it from a baby. But I swear to the Tree Gods that my oldest came home from the maternity hospital with the OCD that plagues her to this day. She was a really difficult baby.
That said, my cousin has raised several foster teenagers, and they love her madly.
If you take a foster kid, you get a stipend from the state for his/her care.
If you take in foster kittens, you get SHIT, PISS, AND BUTT SUCKERS.
Smoggy’s back. Probably had to take the centaurs to daycare.
Nobody better steal my material from here. That’s what my blog is for.
http://capslockhouse.pbwiki.com/f/SandyVag.gif
Is that what I look like, Ben?
smoggy was probably on holiday in australia. you know how much he loves australia and is always going on about how superior it is to new zealand.
The episode with Butters singing the “what-what in the butt” song had a Nun in it. I know that was me, damn it!!
You wanna do it in my butt? In my butt? — We’re still singing that song around here. Priceless.
I sing it too and then I shake my ass and shove it in my burro’s face.
Cracka, heard anything about this? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081022/ap_on_el_ho/minnesota_congresswoman
Sounds like Michele Bachmann could have really stuck her foot in her mouth.
that sandy vag is an accurate representation, built to scale, has the layers in it. i’d say, if you have a good imagination, you could envision what i’ve been talking about all this time.
Hey God,
Why don’t you just admit that you’re only envious because you can’t pull off a decent guitar solo? And I heard you even took lessons from Jimi Hendrix and Slash!! What happened?
Have we outed Cracka? Is he the guy standing next to the s.v.?
DAMMIT, I WANT A TRIANGLE!
triangles are easy to come by. just cut a square in half diagonally and you can have two triangles.
Cracka said “that sandy vag is an accurate representation, built to scale, has the layers in it. i’d say, if you have a good imagination, you could envision what i’ve been talking about all this time.”
All that’s missing are the crabs and the smell at low tide.
Let’s all contribute to Anne Johnson’s Triangle Fund. I’m going to pass my hat, everyone give till she hurts!
maybe curtis is near there. he could go kick his ass for you…how do you think that would go? i think i have a few friends in the charlotte area if you need someone’s legs mysteriously chopped off by a passing train. that’ll teach him to get roofied at the train depot.
I’m so fucking pissed. Pussy met his kid and promptly disappeared which did real wonders for my kid’s self esteem. I swear to all that is good and holy that if I ever get my cracka hands on his black ass he will rue the day. He went 6 years without meeting that boy and just should have kept on making promises and not keeping them. Fucking bastard!!
Nun wants to kick the crap out of something.
well, fuck. what a fucking fuck. that guy’s a real fuck, nun. fuck him.
I hate arseholes who makes promises to kids then break them.
Australia is nice this time of year–shame fucking Aussies live there.
one time i told my niece i would take her to the zoo, but then i got the flu. felt pretty bad about it. i think she cried. come on, kid! i got the freakin’ flu!!
fucking stupid little bitch kid.
Cracka, you should have found a stranger at the bus station and offered them money to take care of your niece.
Smoggy, what do the Aussies do to earn your ire?
HAHAHA! I got a triangle!!
Is it true that Aussies have to walk around on their heads because they’re on the bottom of the world? And when they drink, they force a can of Foster’s up (or down) their arse?
“What do freakin’ aussies do to earn my ire?” Where do I start?
Ummm…nothing actually. I like most of the Aussies I know and it’s a great place to visit. It’s just a traditional, usually friendly rivalry (like Danes and Swedes etc) that dates back to the days of first colonisation. There’s still a law on Australian books that would allow NZ to become a state of Oz if we ever chose to. NOT! We both had hordes of young men killed fighting the same stupid wars for Europe (heard of Gallipoli?). They’re our greatest rivals at the sports that matter (rugby, cricket, getting malignant skin cancers). We have NZ teams in their basketball, netball and rugby league competitions, we have a very close economic relationship…oh yes, and half of New Zealand has moved there because you can make more money and the weather is better.
Seen this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1z2aTcumlY&NR=1
I once told my kid that I was taking him to Disneyland but instead took him to a burned out barn. I said “oh no! Disneyland burned down”. He cried and cried and then we went home.
I’m plaguarizing, if anybody can guess who and what I’m plaguarizing, they get a biscuit.
Gallipoli… yeah, I’ve heard of it. It’s a movie with that Jew-hater, Mel Gibson.
If a biscuit is a euphemism for a blowjob I might be interested
Do New Zealand penises look like penises from the rest of the world?
deep thoughts, by jack handy.
i hope a biscuit isn’t a euphimism for a beating or castration or something.
“Do New Zealand penises look like penises from the rest of the world?”
Look the same…twice the size
Hmmm… it’s a damn shame that Cracka beat you to the biscuit then.
damn shame…but I won’t be chasing cracka’s sloppy seconds
I’m not sucking Cracka’s tiny dick… I doubt I’d even be able to find it underneath all his fat.
nun, i have neither tons of fat nor a tiny dick. you just bought yourself a roofy-ing!!
there can be only one!
Smoggy, I’ve got a crate of 12 inch condoms I’ll send you.
They’re marked ‘USA Medium’.
Yeah, old joke. But that’s my function here!
We’re all selfish, heathen bastards. God is obviously still in a Divine Funk.
Jesus is MIA. Where the fuck is Jesus?? I wonder if God dispatched Mary in a Divine Jealous Rage because She hasn’t been around either. Poor God.
I love You, Big Guy!!
Smoggy,
If you can’t tell, the US practices a lot of false advertising.
12 inch mediums? Sounds like they date right back to slave-owning days Yo–special protection for those white plantation daughters who want to ride a young buck with a big swinger and no risk of popping out a half-breed.
You may as well send em down–we get a lot of the cast-offs you can’t use. Like your obsolete military equipment.
“the US practices a lot of false advertising”
no…No! NOOO!! say it ain’t so nun!
…I’ve never once doubted a word I heard from the home of the brave and the land of the mortgaged. You mean the USA has been mis-speaking? Who’d've thunk it?
It’s so, Smog. Take the condoms for example, any American woman that fucks white guys will tell you that if the medium really is 12 inches then most guys wear extra-small and even that’s a bit roomy.
And people wonder why I take my men black.
poor white guys.
being a big white guy is like being a medium black guy. it’s not fair. being a small white guy is like being a prebuscent black guy. being asian just means you get laughed at. poor fucking dumbass asians.
For some reason, I thought of the old joke about why women can’t become engineers.
because they are stupid whores?
I AM NOT IN A FUNK. DO NOT DARE CAST ASPERSIONS AS TO MY MOOD.
whoa!!! God speaks (types) with a thunderous (all caps) voice (emoticon)!!!
SILENCE WHELP!
I should castrate you for your insolence.
Uppity, women can’t become engineers because all their life they’ve been told that this (holds fingers three inches apart) is six inches.
Whoa!! Well, I suppose I’ve earned God’s Divine Ire this time.
Sorry, God.
I still love You. Even if You did try to make that guy run me over.
(whispering) i really hope God doesn’t castrate me. (insert nun’s obvious joke about how no one would notice here)
No, I’m afraid to make a joke. God will kick my ass.
Hey God:
In order to prove your power, please make my avatar a cute little triangle instead of a puffy-faced octagon.
That’s not much to ask.
Tee hee! God called Cracka a whelp. Haven’t heard that one in ages!
Whelp, gotta get back to work.
I’d say you’re pushing it, Anne but that would be casting aspersions on God’s mood and I don’t want Him to think I’ve slandered Him anymore than He already believes I’ve slandered Him.
I’m sad, devastated and heartbroken. God yelled at me and made the angry face.
it’s not that bad, nun. at least He didn’t take away your sweet, sweet chiba again.
Anne,
To steal a page from Bridgette’s playbook,
“You must not put Jehovah your God to the test,” says Deuteronomy 6:16
The thought of stealing a page from Bridgette’s playbook makes me queasy.
No, Cracka, He didn’t but that might explain why my chiba tastes like laundry detergent.
I’M SO SAD!!
Please love me again, God. And please make my chiba not taste like Tide.
I hope God doesn’t sue me for defamation.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081022/pl_nm/us_usa_politics_hate
After you’ve read the article, take note of the last sentence. I can think of something else that would eradicate racism… we all pick up shotguns and start shooting all the racist assholes we see.
Oh my dearest Nun,
One thing I do know is killing anyone does not detroy hate, it actualy makes it grow stronger. Exhibit A: The middle East,.
In 300 years everyone in the world will look like Tiger Woods. And that will end racism. So people will look around for other reasons to hate each other. Hate is part of the human package. Why? I dunno. Ask God.
God, why is hate part of the human package?
See? I’m not a bit afraid of God the Jealous.
Hey, God! Na na na na boo boo!
*loud fart noise*
*shows where God can kiss her butt*
The rest of y’all can grovel. I just booked with another carrier. No Jealous, no Lucifer, no Jesus.
Well, we’ve got a Jesus. That would be King Arthur.
Off to hug trees and cavort naked beside the bonfire!
While you guys help Bridgette find Bible verses.
Anne,
Hate is part of the package because we are made in His image.
Also, I’ve heard that “we’ll all look Philipino” thing for years, to which I say no. There will always be people who will not sleep with someone of another race. I know this idea is foreign to Nun and you, but it’s true. My uncle would rather cut off his balls than sleep with a black woman. Me personally, I live by the Chappelle code: My mouth may say some racsists things, but my penis is a humanitarian.
Your penis is Chinese so it’s a humanitarian on the off-chance that somebody will want to touch it.
I’m still going on a rampage and killing all the whiteys I see.
“She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.”
Ezekiel 23:20
Check this out…
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_parables_of_jesus/parable_of_the_many_murders/mt21_33b.html
They’re pretty specific about what they did with the slaves. Except for that second one who was “treated shamefully”. What the fuck is “treated shamefully”?! What the fuck did they do to that poor slave??
And Jesus tells a pretty hardcore story for a homo. Props to Jesus.
I wouldn’t believe the Filipino theory either, except … well … it’s happened in my family, there are Asians and brown people and white people all getting it on, resulting in some awesome humans.
G-d you are pissing me off now. Shut up before I use your own destructive names against you. And if you really are G-d you would understand what that means.
You’d think the owner of the vinyard would have either sent all the slaves at oncve, armed, or hired some mercenaries to beat the crap out of the tenants.
King Arthur? The flour company? Ooooo!
king arther was a little bitch who got cheated on cause he was a little bitch.
Yo,
The landlord wasn’t very smart, obviously. Idiot sent his spawn!
I still want to know what “treated shamefully” means. Did they bugger him after they hit him over the head? I’d ask Jesus but He probably wouldn’t answer in any kind of honky language I could understand and it might piss God off. Not that I’m casting aspersions about His Divine Mood, that would be dumb.
Maybe they made fun of his coat of many colors? Or roughed him up a little, called him a pussy, stole his money, etc.
I don’t recall his fate being mentioned. We know that most of them perished at the hands of the bad-ass tenants and at least one slave was allowed to leave but poor “treated shamefully” guy’s fate is left up in the air. Due to the vagueness, I think they buggered the poor guy. Fucking perverts!!
Agreement. They shoulda boned the owner - he kept sending expendable slaves, one by one, into the den of loins. What an azzhole!
Yeah, the owner should have been “treated shamefully” in every one of his orifices. That’s my new euphemism for ’sex’.
I sure do hope I get “treated shamefully” tonight.
Den of loins? Sounds like a strip club….
heh… Yo made a funny typo that I completely missed. Nice catch, Lucy.
so come get treated shamefully at the den of loins tonight, one night only, no cover charge for groups of 4 or more! (two drink minimum, lap dances extra)
Will Josh be there?? Not that I’d want to have anything to do with his tiny, Chinese wang.
only on days ending in -y
Just kidding. Everybody knows that Wednesday is “ladies only”. Guess he’ll have to join a bowling league….
I haven’t been to a strip club in years, I keep saying I am going to, but then I do something else like perform or play X Box, or cry myself to sleep.
I would go if Nun was there.
At a strip club I once saw a woman smoke a cig with her fish mitten. He was older and was getting no tips on stage but when she lit up that marlbor the crowd went crazy and she got paid.
Yikes.
Nun,
it was even more horrible live. She kept her legs straight and bent all the way over, then smoked the fag while hopping on her hands and feet from client to client. I walked out.
Smoking is so bad for you!
Good thing you avoided that second hand smoke, Josh.
And the nasty pussy juice that probably accompanied the second hand smoke. GROSS!! There is no emoticon that expresses disgust.
Kissing a smoker is bad enough. Wouldn’t *that* be a surprise?
Can you imagine how soggy the butt was?
GROSS! And so close to lunchtime.
can i have a drag of that? thanks. oh man! she fish-lipped it!!
I’m so disgusted by pussy right now.
I don’t think I like my character. —>
Curtis’s is way cheerful, and Nun’s is very zen. Uppity Cracka looks exactly like an uppity cracka. I, however, look like a nerd that just got punched out by the school bully.
You know, it’s been a long time since the principals from The X-Files were so prominently featured on entertainment sites. Not so bad for Gillian Anderson but David Duchovny could probably do without the press he’s getting currently. I feel kind of bad for the dude.
You’re also a yellow-bellied Asian, Lucy. I hate Asian penises.
Man, God must really dislike me.
well, if God dislikes you the dislike is justified so you should dislike yourself for being disliked by God.
or you could just type in a different email address and get a different avatar, wavatar, gravatar, whatever.
duchovny-what’s the big deal? it’s not like he’s addicted to crack or mcdonald’s french fries or huffing gas. i mean, where’s the shame in saying, “i just can’t fuck enough. i love fucking. fucking is so fucking wonderful that all i want to do is fuck.”?
God does hate the Asians. I’m not casting aspersions, God has said as much Himself.
I see no problem with the fucking, Cracka. I really don’t.
yeah. no problem at all. is it too early to start drinking?
I do, Cracka, I do. I’m so ashamed….
Falsifying my e-mail address. Hmm. Wouldn’t that be like perpetrating fraud on God’s blog? I’m pretty sure that’s a smitable offense. Wouldn’t want to chance it. Unless, you know, my new avatar was cool.
I swear I’m not Asian. I’m just…yellow…with squinty eyes….
Fuck.
Too bad others don’t feel the same as we do when it comes to unattached and emotionless rolls in the hay, Cracka. He’s being skewered and while karma is indeed a bitch, I still feel kind of bad for the dude. People will remember him fucking her even if he didn’t.
Chinky-chink McChong. Are you fat too? You’re really fucked if you’re fat. Just so you know.
And your eyes are actually x-ed out and not chinky at all. That’s a good thing, Lucy.
so, you’re a blind, fat oriental? not good, lucy. God has been smiting you pretty bad, huh?
‘den of loins’ - I could claim it was a Freudian slip, or a deliberate nod to the slaves getting ‘treated shamefully’, but twould be a lie.
Lucy, I use a fake addy here, just so I can have a triangle wavatar.
‘Sex addiction’ is a label handed out by prudes who don’t get as much as other people.
if anyone lives in a battleground state like i do you can expect to receive the following phone call approved by john mc-mcmccncnc:
“you need to know that Barack Obama has worked closely with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, whose organization bombed the U.S. Capitol, the Pentagon, a judge’s home and killed Americans”
yep. that’s verbatim, folks.
i’m addicted to breathing.
LOL, you’d think McCrazy would realize:
1) Obama was eight years old when Ayers was being a radical.
and 2) Ayers has been courted by Republicans and other lower forms of life.
That said, Ayers admits to this stuff, how come he never did jail time?
Cracka, that is crazy stupid! Oh, yeah. Insane McCain - 08!!
I gave up breathing for a year. I chewed a lot of gum.
Anyone know what TV show that line came from?
Yeah, cracka, but I probably deserve it. I haven’t been keeping up with my usual tidings of beer and Funyuns for the Lord.
Stupid recession….
We are not in a recession. This is merely an economic downturn.
It becomes a recession after Obama is elected.
At least, that’s what the Paper Clip Wizard told me.
Cracka,
There’s another one too, recorded by Guiliani, that states that Obama does not believe in mandatory sentences for murderers and rapists. He actually doesn’t believe in “minimum” mandatory sentences. McCain’s campaign is losing it.
Wow, your wizard is smart. I have the stupid little robot. The only thing that he does is the White Boy Dance. He also occasionally blows himself up for my amusement.
Do you have a tiny Asian penis or a cavernous Asian cunt, Lucy?
I prefer to think of it as “spacious” or “accommodating”.
Hmph, me too but the guys will still call it a ‘cavern cunt’. Fucking fascist pigs!
Jerks!
The only ones I’ve ever heard complain that it was too big were never told that themselves, if you know what I mean…..sounds like an excuse to me.
I get you, they had penises the size of Cracka and Josh.
The main entre in the hospital cafeteria is (and I kid you not):
Chicken fried steak with mashed potato and white flour gravy, lima beans, corn, and white flour biscuits, with your choice of pie.
I swear. In a hospital! They feed us like Amish farmhands.
Aww…poor Cracka and Josh.
I must admit I have a soft spot for the “little guys”. Not that they’re all that good, but they’re usually really really grateful.
I don’t. They suck in bed, you can’t feel a fucking thing and they usually cum way too quickly. I don’t care how much they thank me for the charity.
Charity is good for the soul, Nun. Or so I’ve heard….
Charity sucks. Unless it’s for God. I do all my fucking for God and he wouldn’t want me fucking peewee weewees.
damnit, nun! for the last time MY PENIS IS BIG FOR A WHITE DUDE!! so, that’s probably the low to middle side of medium for a black guy…but at least i’m not cursed with josh’s tiny asian dink-dick!!!
hey guys
by the way:
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
I think you should get more charity points for fucking tiny-penised men, because you don’t enjoy it. Now, those losers who work in soup kitchens and play with “special” children get all kinds of self-satisfaction and bragging rights, but you can’t really brag about having sex with someone with a tiny penis. It shouldn’t count unless you are not getting anything in return…
Are we not supposed to fuck the “special” children? I thought we were because God loves them so.
Cracka, I don’t believe you.
Yo yo,
Ayers got off because the people after him (FBI and police) used illegal means to get evidence, the system worked for him but not so much the for the people/stuff he bombed.
Nun,
We both know the truth about my penis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tktNZpUTMoQ
yeah, well, i…fuck it. i don’t care anymore. you go ahead and believe whatever you will. i’ve got God’s truth on my side, just like republicans and muslim extremists and people who blow up abortion clinics and those guys that killed matthew shepard.
God has said that He doesn’t hate the gays. He hates the anal.
Hey!! I’ve watched 16 Candles several times and I’m like all the commenters there, I sure don’t remember Grandma kicking him in his precious parts.
No anal, no cartoons, no rock and roll….what are we supposed to DO in heaven? Besides, you know, praise God and stuff. Looks like a bunch of old naked guys and one really manly chick, staring at each other.
Nun,
so you admit that us chink bots has “precious parts”! I knew it, you got yellow fever and not the kind that destroyed parst of Spain!
well, he did the anal, didn’t he? so i wasn’t joking. either way it’s not funny.
I wouldn’t know, Cracka. I never engaged in anal sex with him but I guess you’re saying that you did.
Josh,
We all have precious parts. It’s just that some of our precious parts are not visible with the naked eye.
hmm…it would appear that you came close to facing me, nun.
I have Long Duck Dong as my ringtone. I love it when I get phone calls.
“Oh sexy giiiiiirrrrrllllfrieeeeeeeeend!
FACE!!!
Nun FACEd the cracka ass cracka!
sick burn
shut up, dickhead.
I really do like that monkey.
i kind of want to take the monkey around with me and have it point at people who need to know they are annoying and/or stupid.
420? that’s lame.
You fucker!!
That’s the only number that would be dear to my shrivelled up heart and you took it!! You bastard! 
Nun,
are you going to be on celebrity rehab for weed?
you’re in here for WEED?!! let me ask you something, you ever suck a dick for WEEEED?!!!
Nobody needs rehab for weed unless they’re a noob.
I like the different kinds of smokers and Snoop Dogg comes and smokes their whole joint.
On that note, I would LOVE to smoke some sweet, sweet chiba with Snoop.
Josh,
You should call Snoop for me. We all know that you guys all know each other!!
Nun,
you would love to smoke chiba with anyone.
has anyone but me seen Snoop’s Porno movies?!?! Hilarious. He’s not actually doign anythgin in them, he’s just on the sidelines rapping and dancing while one of his boys bangs a girl.
That’s not true, Josh. How dare you spread malicious lies about me!!
Okay, maybe it is true.
Josh that sounds halarious!
it’s like filming ben’s life! except without the girls and the dancing.
Ben just has rap stars around him rapping?
“Look at this dude with glasses,
he never touches the girls asses.
His bed sheets all have a cum stain,
this looser goes on line as Pirate McCain!”
That fucking sucked, I think The Game or Jim JOnes aka Pigpen.
the rest of my sentence was “wrote that!”
The Game or Jim Jones aka Pigpen wrote that!!!! I hit the damn enter button!
Curtis, is the hospital trying to drum up business for the cardiac unit?
curtis? fuck.
let me get into full barrier isolation.
(muffled voice) all right, go ahead and pee on me.
SMOG! YOUR LITTLE SHITPILE COUNTRY MADE INTO ONE OF OUR MAJOR MSM NEWSPAPERS!!!!!!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122478278035963079.html?mod=
Nothing happening locally for them to post? Slow day at the news office! A good thing - today’s headline might have been “Wild Wanker Pleads for Poufter’s Pee”.
Cracka, you’re safe for now. For now, I said. Who knows what kind of mood I’ll be in tomorrow. That said, it will be Friday and I’m taking a vacation next week. Oh, go ahead and take off your PPE. You’ll be safe.
::slowly unzips fly::
Yo. Is it “poufter” or “poofter”? Geez, I really should know that sort of thing. Yes, I think the kitchen ladies must be trying to drum up business. They even deep fry the jello.
I want to see Curtis’ wiener!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis
Well Nun if you want to see Curtis’ dong, you have to get in line behind Cracka and Ben.
I’m a fag-hag so I just want to see it and not touch it and love it because that would gross Curtis out. He should just show me. I’ll show him my titties.
Curtis has no need for your titties.
A lot of gays like titties, Josh.
Forget Curtis’s wiener. I want to have lunch with Curtis! I’m as hungry as an Amish farmhand
Maybe it would be fun to smoke some of Nun’s sweet chiba before that lunch with Curtis.
I think it would be hella fun to hang with Curtis. And Josh too. And Anne too.
I’d love to have lunch with you all and I’d gladly show you my wiener — ’cause I’m all over that. So, here’s a mental picture (because, really, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all)
Circumcised, 9 inches, low hangers, and a cute little freckle on the right side of the head.
And, Nun, it’s true. I do love titties. I don’t understand them, but they are fascinating to me. A private email gets you a private picture.
We’re having bratwurst, mashed taters, sauerkraut, and apple pie on Friday. Oh, our little, quaint German town.
Vilkomen!!
I’d like to see Josh’s wiener. Or Yo’s. Or, if I had my microscope, Cracka’s. I’m not the least bit interested in Ben’s.
penis FACE!
How come I’m not invited for lunch? And why doesn’t anyone want to see my weiner (or ’sav’, short for savaloy, as we call weiners down here)?
Wow NZ makes the Wall St. Journal! Once upon a time it would have been an honour to be noticed by a US paper–back in the days when y’all were considered rich and powerful. Definition of international shame = ‘having been part of the coalition of the willing’.
In truth I’m not proud of NZ at the moment. We have an appalling child abuse trial going on–a family of five adults tortured a three year old girl to death (no one joke about this please–even you Benny) There’s a collective shame and nothing to be done but watch society extract vengeance. Meanwhile a moral majority is trying to repeal a law that prevents parents using excessive physical force on their children. Good old Christians. What were you thinking when you came out with the ’spare the rod and spoil the child commandment’ God? Some of those fuckers have a very frightening definition of what a rod is.
Smoggy is depressed
Smoggy dont blame the evil acts of those adults on God. Children do need to be disciplined sometimes but of course within reason. I hope and pray that your courts will give them a harsh punishment.
Wow, that’s very sad, Smoggy. I don’t know how anyone could hurt a child.
Bridgette, you are right that shouldn’t be blamed on God. Nothing should be blamed on God because God doesn’t exist.
Shh, Psycho! Bridgette doesn’t know!
Smoggy, do you celebrate Halloween in Noo Ziiland?
Anyone, Halloween plans? Last year I went to a party as the Invisible Man, and stayed home. This year, I’ll be naked, on roller skates, going as a pull toy.
Ba-da-boom!
Hey guys! good news for all those abused by the Catholic church! to make amends the church has given them a garden, where they can go reflect on how they were abused!
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/10/23/churchabuse.garden/index.html?iref=newssearch
I think anyone who abuses a child should be raped with a rusty spoon then shot.
PS - Fuck you Bridgette. When the church helps to cover and hide stories of abuse, moving priests around within “God’s” organization to avoid prosecution then maybe He is at fault.
Ah, Halloween, Halloween! The most important date on the Druid calendar! You are all invited to the bonfire in my backyard to partake of spirits and communicate with your honored ancestors. Bring whatever chiba/booze/hallucinogens/sex toys that float your boat. Clothing optional. Reservations not required.
Halloween is sacred to the Druids. I will be having a bonfire in my backyard. I’m not amiss to cooking a pedophile priest rotisserie-style, if anyone can catch one for me.
Sorry for the repetitive comment. I didn’t know the other one was filed.
anne,
isn’t Halloween next week? Am i missing something?
Nun,
What’s your kid going as?
Ben,
Which ident are you going as?
Cracka,
Are you going as an actual white person you filthy puerto rican?
‘Clothing optional’. Well, that would be terrifying!
I’m not Catholic (I know some recovering Catholics), and can’t undnerstand why the Church would hide the pedo-priests, cover up their misdeeds. Isn’t that illegal? Hiding a crime?
Josh, I like the rusty spoon idea - can we dip it in fireants, hot sauce, rubbing alcohol, or some combination first?
Maybe anne is having an early party.
Anne, how d’you pronounce Samhain? Seriously. I heard a radio preacher blathering about paganism, he pronounced it Sam’ Hane. I thought it was more like sow-en.
At least, that’s what the Paper Clip Wizard told me.
Josh,
He’s going to be a zombie.
Curtis,
You down with a naked druid party for Halloween?? And how am I supposed to email you? You tease.
Smoggy,
Sorry about that, man. I’d say rest comfortably knowing all countries have sickos that torture the young but that won’t really make anybody feel any better. Anybody remember the case of James Bulger out of Britain? It’s not just adults that do things like that, I don’t know which is more disturbing.
And if anybody looks up James Bulger, which will put your day firmly in the depression column so be forewarned, look up another British child named ‘Mary Bell’. It’s probably best that those of you who are sensitive or maybe have a very young one at home may not want to read about either of those individuals.
Did anybody see that bullshit about the woman who volunteers for the McCain/Palin campaign and was attacked by a black man who carved a “B” on her face? Have you seen that there’s now some serious questions as to the validity of the alleged victim’s “story”?
I HATE WHITE PEOPLE!! I hate white people because if they’re not the ones blaming the blacks, they’re the ones believing that a black did it. Remember Susan Smith blaming a black man for taking her car with her boys inside when in reality, she let her car and her sons sink in a fucking pond.
Yo Yo, you are correct. It is pronounced sow-wen.
Halloween is next Friday. So that gives everyone here time to perfect their costumes (or lack thereof) and lay in any party items that enhance enjoyment.
Even gives Smoggy time to buy a plane ticket, get himself away from his horrible country … come to our … emmmm. Never mind.
Still trying for that cute little triangle!
Smoggy, come to my place for a Halloween party, I’ve got a stingray stinger we can attach to your chest, you can pretend to be Steve Irwin. ‘Crikey! Urrghh…’
Triangle?
Still not getting it. Down with God!
You have to live right before God will give you a triangle.
does anyone remember what Michael Moore movie talked about how America is trained to fear black dudes? I thought it was Bowling for Columbine, but I can’t find it on youtube!
It’s the one where he talks about people in the US being raised in a society of fear and how Canada doesn’t lock it’s doors. That might be Bowling for Columbine.
yeah, that’s bowling for Columbine.
I have an avatar-image problem.
Anne,
Experiment with changing the first letter of your email address.
like so…
just one letter change…
…changes the avatar….
wavatar…
gravatar or whatever the fuck it is…
try something that starts with a “b”
i wonder if this one is a triange
fuck!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NjEoHXEb-s&feature=related
YES!!!! I finally found it!
you know what’s scary about black guys? it’s how they walk with a limp.
Cracka, those are only black guys who have been shot in the leg due to a drug deal gone bad whiule they slapped a white girl all the while in a horrible neighborhood
or it could be their huge dicks down one leg
Does anybody watch their 401(k) come out of their paycheck and wish they could stop it?
I don’t think limping black guys are scary. Drunken rednecks in pickup trucks with rebel flag bumper stickers are scary. All three of my ex-husbands were like this, and they couldn’t be trusted around kittens.
PURPLE BOHEMIAN TRIANGLE! You rock, Nun!
anne,
how many times have you been married?!?!?
The Chinese aren’t real big on counting, are they, Ching-Chong Chinky? I’d guess 4 with Mr. Johnson being #4.
Chinese are huge on counting!
My question was more of a statement.
Nun, you’ve lost your white edge, hanging around all those black dudes and having a mixed baby! God I hate mixed babies, except Halle Berry, and Rashida Jones, and don’t forget Alan Thicke’s wife, and Scary Spice (pre breast operation) and Rachel True, oh and Essence Atkins, and ahh fuck it.
I’ve been married five times, but the first four were jerks.
don’t forget one of the all time great mixed kids!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWVhiIisH30
They were all named Johnson, which made it easier to get my NJ driver’s license updated.
hello
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!
see Nun you were wrong to assume.
Anne’s statement that 3 of her exes where red neck drunks, set the minimum number of husbands at four but did not specify the number or the upward bound of the number of husbands she had.
Chinese rule!!!!!
Sorry, Josh. Not your day. Unless God happens by, then he’ll fix it.
This is for real. My grandmother was married and rented a room to her lover … down the hall from the room she shared with her husband.
Only white people do this, so now you know for sure I’m white.
I never had a “white edge”, Josh. My schtick is slutty, not crackerey.
My granny was a camp whore during the Depression. You gotta love the whiteys.
Nun,
I don’t believe you’re slutty, you have yet to sleep with anyone on this blog of your own free will.
Anne,
Your family seems Springer worthy. Why would your granpa allow such a thing?
Anne, I kinda like the cross, blue, octagon thingamatar.
because, josh, he had his own side action going. it’s what white people do. guilt. you should be familiar with white guilt, “sir”.
here a quote from a mixed comic, who is not me since I am clearly a chink-a-boo.
“I get my white arrogance from my black mom”
Ain’t nothing scarier than a black mom. I’ve been told that I raise my child like a black mom.
Josh,
That’s because Zeus isn’t here anymore.
grandpa had his side action in town, but there has been some speculation about threesomes, since grandpa and lover boy were buddies.
Springer would have loved this trash. Oh, and they were also racist motherfuckers. Great people to spend time with in one’s formative years.
sometimes i wish i could live life as another race or a woman for a few days. in high school, back in the days of gothness and kurt cobain wearing dresses, i used to walk around dressed “freaky” to say the least. people would treat me like shit and call me a “faggot” (whatever that means), men would try to get me to meet them around the corner on the DL. weird humans. anyway, being a white male in america is kind of boring. everyone calls me “sir” or “dude”. just once i’d like to be called “nigger” or “cunt”.
Curtis, since I finally got my triangle, I decided to wear it on special occasions. You know, so it doesn’t get worn out.
like nun’s vagina?
hey cracka,
shut the fuck up you stupid nigger!
how does it feel?
Nigger means ignorant so give it time, Cracka. Some day somebody will call you a nigger and mean it, not like Josh.
Nun,
I hate when people say Nigger means ignorant. It doesn’t. Nigger is a latin word, old school latin, not Latin like Jlo. It’s literal translation is Black. That’s it’s meaning, black, not stupid person or any other meaning, just black.
This chinks-a-hoy took a few years of Latin, and nigger was plain as day in the text books.
Well, it can be debated that it means ignorant but you’re right that it only means ignorant because whites deemed blacks ignorant.
I knew you Ching-Chong Ping-Pongs were smart but I didn’t know any of you were smart enough to learn Latin. Good show, Ching-Chang Bai-Ling.
I took it for the SATs, you know how important SAT scores are to the Chinese! Many a slanty eyed bastard have been thrown down wells for low scores!
Seriously, I was from a single parent house and I needed a scholarship for college, so instead of taking a bunch of Spanish classes which I probably could use today, I took years of Latin to bump up my verbal score so I could get some money for school. Now I can say you’re a pretty girl in a language no one knows. WHat a fucking waste.
I took four years of French, talk about a waste. I never plan to visit that arrogant country and I’m afraid of Canadians.
I took French from the 1st grade to the 5th grade as part of some advance kid crap. I remember about 2 sentences and can count to 40. Another waste in my life.
Curtis you should do Montreal, it’s a lot of fun, and they have a HUGE gay pride parade every year and this big festival for gays called black and blue. Back when I was an engineer, I used to go to Montreal to meet with Nortel people and I was there for a few of the parades and fests. It’s a great place for gays and breeders alike. It was even better when the dollar was stronger, you’d go to a strip joint with American money and you’d have to beat the women off of you all the while they were tryign to beat you off.
I thought the Chinese got thrown down wells for having vaginas. See how ignorant I am?
Josh, would you believe that I’ve never been to a pride parade? True. Not because I’m closeted, but I live in a very small town. I don’t think the three of us would make much of a parade!
“Breeders”… Josh knows gay people!! He knows the lingo!
nun,
we only say it’s women that we throw down wells, we don’t want the world to think we are inhumane!
I’ve heard that Josh even has one as a friend!
He’s a very open minded chinkaboo.
Curtis,
Don’t say that too loud! I don’t want anyone to know I pal around with gays or work for them or anything. I got a rep to protect!
Check out this site:
http://www.tourisme-montreal.org/What-To-Do/Events
and check the gay box, there is a lot to do. only thing is you have to wait till next year as it’s too cold up there for anything.
What he doesn’t realize is that he’s the gay’s token Chinese friend.
FACE!
Nun FACed me good. I am a token.
At one point, at my job I was the only straight dude here, everyone else was a gay man or a woman. I hate to say it but it was very emotional here, lots of hurt feelings and drama.
Josh said: “Back when I was an engineer…”
Brother!
I just saw a headline: “Surgeons ‘begin third operation on Ballesteros’”.
I thought it had something to do with Cracka.
Latin is a useful language if you want to be a writer, Josh. So be a writer! It’s the quickest path to starvation. Next to being born female in China.
Josh, when I was an engineer, everyone was level-headed and logical. Now, I work with mostly women and some gays, and, as you say, there’s a lot more emotion.
“Let’s talk about how we feel about changing the thermostat level.” Talk? TALK? Just set the damned thing at the point we get the least amount of bitching!
Josh, I work with a bunch of straight women. There’s just as much melodrama, I suspect.
Nun! That was funny!
I think Cracka must be out drinking again. Geez. Every Friday.
ahhhh…that’s better. now, where were we? fucking jigaboos!! wooooooooooooo!! sheriushly, though. i love you guys. L-U-V-U-V…
when I was an engineer everyone was into WWE and NASCAR. My coworkers would gather on Tuesday mornings to discuss whar happend on Monday night raw, I did not fit in.
There were maybe 3 girls at my job, actually 4, in a whole division.
Most of the other engineers were very conservative, and would babel about the latest witless tirade from Rush Limbaugh.
We had about the same number of ‘women’, if you wanted to call them that. Did have one hottie, I think she married and got out.
cracka, stop playing with your Ballesteros.
my ballstairs? you ethnics talk funny. i’m drunk.
i work with women and homosexual men. it’s drama all the time. working with strictly men has drama, too, but it’s easier. it goes, “fuck you!” “no, fuck you!” then they punch each other. then they drink beer. OVER.
I prefer working with straight guys to anybody else. No offense, gays and women but as has already been pointed out, you’re far too dramatic. I like the raunchy sense of humor that straight males have and I usually fit right in. Except for the dry humping… that’s just stupid and I don’t know why some people think that’s so fucking hilarious.
And if two men show up wearing the same shirt, they’ve bonded for life.
there used to be a hotty here, too. she left and i was relieved. i don’t want to deal with that. then i have to TRY not to look at her. it’s way easier when the only thing to look at is middle aged women in cat sweaters named barb, pat, carol…all with the last name anderson or andersen.
Bromance.
Stop it, Stop it, STOP IT!!! I AM NOT MELODRAMATIC!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT HURTS ME!! You are ALL just homophobic! I hate it here!!!!
i love you, man. in a totally not gay way. cuz that would be gross. not that there’s anything wrong with that if you…well, besides that it’s gross. look, i have a girlfriend, i’m just saying your cool. you know what? fuck you!
“your cool”
Jesus H Christ the spelling and grammar Nazi is drunk.
I tend to think that gay guys, just like other minorities, often fall into stereotypical behavior simply because they subconsciously think that it is expected from them and so they comply and take that as part of their identity.
The Panel’s thoughts on that?
your/you’re…whatev.
Cracka is SO “kitten with a lisp” right now. He’s adorable when he’s drunk.
You know what really sucks burro? Dealing with drama all day at work and then coming home to a sulky teenager who won’t study and blames me when she gets bad grades. She’s straight, so this won’t offend Curtis.
i agree, curtis. my very hick brother was shopping in a mall by my house where the ‘gays’ frequent and he asked me, “why do gay guys all talk like that?’ i mean, they aren’t born that way are they? you could take that question a few ways. i explained it to him like, do white kids from teh ‘burbs come out talking all gangsta or do they adapt to a culture that talks that way? it’s just expected to talk all femmy, i guess. i was probably wrong. so he and i got drunk and punched each other.
Cracka’s never cute. He has jaundice.
Curtis,
I actually disagree with that. I come from an area with a large gay community and the queens are easy to spot but there are a ton of gay men that you would never be able to pinpoint as gay as they are not the gay stereotype. You need good gaydar for those guys.
About half of my gay friends don’t fall into any stereotype. Funny thing is, these guys pair up with really femmy partners. I would guess it’s 50/50 learned and born with. Cuz I also know a really right-wing Christian guy who acts fem all the time and swears on the Bible that he’s straight.
Perhaps I’m not really gay then. I don’t talk femmy (as others have noted), I like to get drunk on beer, and frequently punch other dudes.
Well, donkey punch, so maybe I’m still okay.
Can’t always trust gaydar, even. At least I can’t.
Yeah, I don’t know. What makes anyone act like anyone? There’s probably some really intelligent social reason that I just don’t understand.
Let’s take up a collection to send Curtis to Montreal. It sounds lonely where he lives. But they do eat well.
Then your gaydar sucks butt, Anne. I can spot the gays that don’t even know they’re gay yet… like your Christian friend.
or ben.
Ben is pretty sensitive but he’s like Liberace. The gays won’t want to claim him.
My gaydar needs to be recalibrated. There’s a physical therapist here that I would swear is a friend of Dorothy’s, but alas dates women. On the other hand, there’s an butch electrician (hospital renovations) who is absolutely dreamy who chats me up from time to time even though he’s real shy. His name is Morgan and I like to call him “Morgalicious”.
I bought my gaydar from a Russian Military surplus store, so it weighs a ton, is marked in Cyrilic characters, and smells like fried onions.
Let me just state for the record, WE WILL NEVER CLAIM BEN AS ONE OF US.
Now, let’s not mention THAT distasteful subject again.
Yo - you often make me lol. You do know this, right?
Nun, if you set your gaydar on my Christian friend, it would go off like it spotted an incoming 747. And if you’re interested in putting it to the test, this fella is one of my Facebook friends. You’ll know in an instant.
Actually two of my Facebook friends are gay, so you’ve got good odds of picking the right one. I’ll even make it easier. Isaac Bonewits is NOT gay.
Yo has strabismus.
Curtis, heh, I do what I can to bring a smile to everyone’s face.
Or at least make them think, “Glad I’m not him!”
strabismus? No - I’ve had the innoculation.
Well, it’s a little difficult with only a thumbnail pic to go by but here goes…
Jason and Satan
i have no idea what’s going on
I’m guessing Anne’s gays.
I find this exercise hilarious!
I wish I could stay and see the verdict, alas, stupid job again. Ruins all my fun.
i thought you were suing those bastards. why don’t you do it fight club style? go into the man’s office, come out bloody and crying. or american beauty style, just accuse of sexual harrassment for no reason.
I forgot about Jason! Nope, he’s just a Pagan. Satan definitely. Queer as folk.
Okay, Nun. John in the suit & tie — gay or straight?
John kissing the camera — gay or straight?
See what you guys miss by not being on Facebook? Plus it’s just another way to get through to God.
Hallelujah! Praise God the Smiter and Keeper of the Divine Blog!! DIE HEATHEN SCUM!!!!
Anne,
YOur gay friends are Monica Yant Kinney, Satan, Isaac Bonewits (I don;’t care what you say) and Jeff Lily. Michael Benson is also a suspect!
and suite John is a raging homo.
John looking at the camera is just confused and that one penis he touched was on a dare.
Josh:
wrong on Monica
right on Satan
wrong on Isaac
wrong on Jeff
WRONG ON MICHAEL, HE’S ONE OF MY WHITE COUSINS!
right on suit John
dead right on John looking at the camera
Are you my friend? How’d you get on my page?
Anne,
God has granted me the power of Facebook. I see all and know all. However much like Latin, using this is a waste of time.
If God can hack Facebook, how come he hates Norton? Just another inconsistency in the old dude.
Cracka, any reason you’re raising your voice about heathen scum, or is the whiskey just making you extra mean today?
Anne,
I did not say God can do it, I said He granted me the power to do it. There are something He could do, but he sometimes limits His almighty power to keep himself humble.
Suite John’s smirk gave it away, it totally was saying, “I have a seeeeecret.”
I just got my copy of the incredible hulk on DVD. the alternate beginning is pretty dark for a comic book movie. I can see why they changed it.
Damn it! I thought it might be John in the suit(I really did, ask my burro) but I thought he was too easy.
HA!! Stupid whore bitch is being charged for making a false report. Stupid McCain/Palin supporters are fucking idiots!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081024/ap_on_re_us/attack_mccain_sticker
another case of blaming the black man:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iidrMKZwVNDDlEtkssY6t1xxhg9QD9411DE01
son of a bitch! we posted at the same time.
jinx.
God,
Please smite that whore bitch that Josh and I posted about at the same time because we’re both super-cool.
FUCK
when I saw the pic of her I knew she was lying. The “B” on her face was the wrong way, she did it herself in the effing mirror
Who was the commentator who scratched a backwards Nazi swastika on his face?
I agree, Josh. Now they’re saying she’s a nut-case. See what kind of people are supporting McCain and Palin.
John McCain’s brother called 911 to ask why there was a traffic jam and then said “fuck you” when they asked if he really was calling 911 for a traffic jam. Lovely family.
God,
Do You hate Americans or is this just comedic entertainment for You?
there can be more than one!!!!
Nun,
it’s all entertainment for the big guy. WE’re like His ant farm, and we all know ant farms suck unless you shake them up every now and then.
LOL, my youngest son does that with his ant farm! He claims he’s training them to be better diggers!
I wonder if the farm has an ant priest, who (when not buggering larva) preachs that the ants have sinned, and will be punished?
sorry, johnson, i was blacked out.
Cracka,
that’s no excuse. Wesley Snipes is always blacked out! Ba-Zing!
yeah, and he’s a dick.
old guy at work:
decide who to vote for yet?
me:
yeah.
old guy:
can’t make up my mind. mccain doesn’t seem like the right guy but he’s almost as old as me and i can barely stay up for the news, let alone work 18 hour days to run the country. but, i get all this stuff in the mail about how obama worked with this terrorist bomb guy and he’s unamerican. makes it hard to decide.
so, old people, who don’t have computers or cable tv, actually believe that stuff. apparently, they don’t cover it on the nightly news. “in other news, barack obama is FROM AMERICA and he’s NOT A TERRORIST. back to you, bob.”
i’m getting whiskey drunk and listening to the pogues all night. i’m not even irish, but it’s jameson and songs about drinking for me. you hippety hop blackies miss out on some good drinking songs with your bling bling music, josh.
cracka I have no idea what you are talking about. This is how I party:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVBGzaB7nSs
that’s off da hook, j-dawg!
now, if you’ll excuse me, i have two and a half days of depraved lunacy to engage in.
peace and love and, most of all…….fuck off.
My teenager has MRSA, and the doctor told me I have to stop picking my nose. MY nose, mind you.
WELL FORGET IT! I DRAW THE LINE AT GIVING UP PICKING MY NOSE! IT CAN FALL OFF MY FACE, CONSUMED BY FLESH EATING BACTERIA, AND I’LL JUST PICK IT UP OFF THE GROUND AND KEEP RIGHT ON PROBING IT!
Supporting the right to nose-pick I remain,
Anne Johnson
Druid
Cracka may need whiskey, but I’m just nuts all the time.
In keeping with outings (I’m still not remembering you, Josh, I promise) and against my better judgment, here is a website thingy that my partner found and made.
For all of you all, this is me:
(you’ll probably have to cut and paste)
http://animoto.com/play/QiLmlK6Ym8tdDE9JKvQMpg
Don’t come and try to kill me, Cracka. I’d make a terrible zombie.
DREAMBOAT!
See, Nun? All the gorgeous ones are gay!
God,
Please remove me as one of your top disciples. I do not come here to worship your sorry carcass. I come here to convert your followers to the Old Time Religions.
Curtis, are you SURE you’re gay? I mean, not even a little conflicted about it because your mom is asking you to find a good woman? Maybe just curious about someone who likes the food at your workplace???????
Shut up, Johnson. Go listen to the latest AC/DC album.
curtis,
I like your hat!
Anne, dreamboat? - uhm, okay, thanks! I don’t really think I’m gay at all. I just like the cock, that’s all. We’re having bratwurst and fried potatoes for lunch.
Josh, thanks!
Seriously, Curtis, you’re hot. See? Even Lucifer is jealous.
That’s a lovely slideshow, Curtis. Where was your wiener?
P.S. My burro wants to fuck you.
JUST YOUR BURRO???
Anne, behave! I’ve embarrassed myself.
One band, one record, one triumphant legacy. Never mind the bollocks (this includes god) here’s The Sex Pistols. All else is piffle.
Telling Anne to behave is a total waste of breath, but in this case I’ll behave. But only if you continue to list the lunch items at your cafeteria.
Anne - deal! It’ will be a daily (when I work) thing that just you and I share.
I love you, you cross, blue octagon!
consider yourself murdered.
This website has to be a joke right?
No, Tumoron, it’s all completely real.
This is not back up by the Bible… It’s an option.
It always amuses me to read garbage like this, I do it for fun. There are a number of reasons. First off, who are you to decide for yourselves what God hates? Rock music did not exist in the bible days. Electric guitars did not exist either, for two or more thousand years.
Guitars and drums are innanimate objects made of wood and strings and steel, like the instruments down through the centuries. They cannot be evil till they have been used for evil. Lyrics and style can make a song evil,and this can be done with ANY form of music. I can praise whoredom on a classical guitar or preach drug use with a brass band! I can sing hatred for Jesus with a piano or a violin. By the same token, will you tell me that a man playing a rock beat and a fast guitar singing “praise Jesus in the highest” is doing something evil? Give me a break.
Another humorous note is that when I heard a pastor and his cronies bashing electric guitars as being invented by Satanic men for playing rock music, and I presented proof that this was not the case, they got insulting and banned me from their site rather than admitting they were wrong.
Case in point: the electric guitar was invented decades before rock music came along, for competing with full bands playing jazz! Religionists stoutly deny this, yet you can read it anyplace! Leo Fender perfected one of the first electric guitars. He was hardly a Satanist.
The bible speaks of making a joyful noise to the lord. It does not ban any instrument, it merely talks about positive use of it. When the anti rock fundies use examples, they deliberately pick the most vile of musicians to back their false claims. This is called propaganda.
Anyone who actually believes God hates rock music needs to ask themselves why they think so, is it because of the bible or some biased preacher who thinks country music somehow superior.