Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today, in the middle of the seventh month of My Divine Hatred Therapy, I shall vent My Righteous Rage at something that has been pestering Me for quite some time – flamingly homosexual cartoon characters!
Ever since the invention of the cartoon, Satanus has been hard at work . He has spent decades corrupting the minds of sweet, innocent Christian children with his blatantly sodomite cartoon characters. And I have had enough!
Again, as I have said before, I have no problem with homosexuals. I think it is fine and they should all get married, so long as they never ever French-kiss or engage in anal sex or any other sodomy of any kind. Is that too much to ask?
I could look the other way if these queer cartoons could just be discreet about it. After all, there are a number of fine examples of homosexual cartoon characters that are firmly in the closet, such as: Waylon Smithers, Tigra from Thundercats, Dr. Quest and Race Bannon, or every member of GIJOE and Cobra.
Why can’t they all be so decent? Most homosexual cartoon characters are only too happy to flaunt their gayness. More than that, they seem to revel in rubbing your nose in it*.
In fact, these queer cartoons just go ahead and anal and fist each other right in front of kids every Saturday morning on TV.
Why, just this weekend I skipped out on Temple and sat down to watch an episode of Spongebog Squarepants. I watched Spongebob bend Squidward over a seashell and slam his sponge-penis up octopus-anus for half an hour. Both 15-minute episodes!
Well I am a loving and merciful God, so I shall grant you all a boon. If you wish to avoid an eternity in hell, here are but a few of the homosexual cartoon characters to avoid at all costs: Spongebob “Squarepants, Winnie the Pooh, Big Gay Al, Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, He-Man, Huckleberry Hound, Snagglepuss, Mr. Garrison, Popeye the Sailor Man, Captain Planet, Peppermint Patty, Vanity Smurf, Snarf from Thundercats, Fred and Velma, Batman and Robin, Timon and Pumbaa, Ren and Stimpy, Sleepy and Dopey, and the Ambiguously Gay Duo.
This ban, of course, also includes live action puppets and people in costumes such as: Barney, the Muppet named ‘Scooter,’ the Teletubby known as ‘Tiddlywink,’ Bert and Ernie, and Big Bird and Snuffleupagus.
Amongst many others too numerous to name. I expect you to be vigilant and on the lookout for other gay cartoon characters, and to protect yourself and your children from any cartoon or other fictional characters you may suspect of engaging in homosexual acts.
From now on, I declare the only cartoons children may watch to be Veggie-tales and Davy and Goliath. And that’s it! Everything else is clearly quite gay.
I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.
*Their cartoon anus.
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
Without Jews, African-Americans, Fags and Dykes, we would have no entertainment industry to speak of! Poor Smurfette though, she must be numb like a 2-bit crackwhore at an interstate Motel 8, wider than Obama’s lead over McCain, windier than a Southeast Asia village. I would say most Smurfs are fudge-packers out of necessity to get their junk out. How many times can you ride the village bicycle before it breaks down?
But Da-vy!
I must say, Old Man, I am most proud especially of Tiddlywink, and the whole Teletubbies family in general, the cute little oompa-loompas-on-acid. They are, quite simply, Pure Evil.
Ever tried playing Marilyn Manson’s The Dope Show over Teletubbies with the volume off?
Why, God? Why?
But what about Herbert from Family Guy? Also, what about Frylock ever since I found out that he was in fact a she and she was a lesbo?
Dear God,
I hope you can also find it in Your heart to passover The Flying House, where dear friends Professor Bumble and his Solar Ion Robot take the kids on a time-machine tour of the Superbook. No gay subtext there.
Your affectionate appreciationado,
Tony
Darkwing Duck denies his homosexuality:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9xPGOGEu3s
Snagglepuss was clearly gay, his constant “Heavens to MurGAYtroid gave it away. Murgatroid is the saint of all gay cartoon characters.
What about Space Ghost? He may not have been gay, but he was playing Jace’s backside whilst Moltar and Zorak did Blip.
hahaha!! that was funny, shake!! wait, no it wasn’t.
the teletubby pic is priceless, by the way, Sir. well done yet again, God. does kissing Your Divine Ass in any way count as “gay”?
God,
Was it you that kept gay robot off the air? if so thank You! that show just really crapped on homosexuals and they were the butt of every joke but not in a good way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBUImjOCg5g
No one cross dresses better than Bugs Bunny. Keeps Elmer Fudd in a constant state of arousal. This is why you never see those classic Looney Tunes on the air anymore. Damn you, God! “What’s Opera Doc” is CLASSIC.
God,
The Teletubbie is named Tinky-Winky, not Tiddly-Wink. Tiddly-Wink is one of the guys from The Village People as You can so clearly see from the picture You posted. I do believe they’re second cousins or some shit like that.
What about Lippy and Hardy? Fred and Barney?
ooooohhhh nun,
you’re setting yourself up for a smiting. God could easily go back in time and change the name if He wants to, but to question Him, you’re asking for it.
Palin is so fucking stupid that she mistook her own supporters for protesters. What a moron.
I don’t care. He hates my Seahawks.
Nun usually asks for it.
Shut up halo.
Innocent little moi?
Yes, you’re fucking nosy.
Perhaps I should just ask God to let me peruse your heavenly record?
good dig, halo. i appreciate that type of nunnery (nun+mockery=nunnery).
what is this palin story you refer to?
God,
What about henta cartoons? especially the ones with demon rape.
Dear God,
I take Your point entirely–this is a pernicious and sinful manifestation of culture designed to corrupt the young. I now realize that gay cartoon characters are everywhere.
Accordingly I will no longer read my childhood favourites Asterix and Obelix–those huge anal-plug-shaped menhirs that Obelix makes have taken on a sinister meaning.
http://www.asterix-international.de/asterix/characters.shtml
Tintin also disturbs me. The boy reporter is clearly a gerontophile–dropping his plus-fours and bending over for Captain Haddock’s scabby dick whenever the bearded old alcoholic croaks “Blistering Barnacles and a Thousand Thundering Typhoons!!”–surely his outbursts are coded homo-speak.
http://www.free-tintin.net/english/personn1.htm
it would seem zombie josh watches a lot of cartoons. when was the last time mr t was featured in a cartoon?
That would be your style, halo. Posting here is no longer a fun time.
Awww, Nun, you know I don’t hang around here much. Mainly post a couple of times and then go.
Cracka,
I pity the fool who mocks the great Mr. T!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mDQ-Yg6AME
cracka asked nun, “what is this palin story you refer to?”
SHe’d post a link, but, you know…
http://www.wtopnews.com/?sid=1476582&nid=213
How about Pokemon? James seems gay.
HEY GOD!!
cartoons aren’t gay, YOU ARE!!
and so’s your face!
Nun,
posting here is no longer a fun time? why not? I think it’s better than ever.
Maybe it’s my halo? It brings up c-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e? Not a good thing.
I just post-and-run.
CH
#31 — what Jew said!
I think Nun is a little down because her team is doing bad.
whenever sports gets me down I remember the scene from A Bronx Tale, where Sonny explains that Mickey Mantle doesn’t care if you pay your rent.
some GOOOOOOOOOOD hatred here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5mdIPNB8t8
DIE, COMMIE FAGGOT TERRORIST NEGROES!!!!!!
jew, didn’t you ban this the other day?
nun’s monthly vagina: when you lick it, it no longer licks you back. nope, it just kind of lays there because the seahawks suck.
YAR! CRACKA ME MATEY IS RIGHT! BOMB OBAMA! MAKE HIM WALK THE PLANK! YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!
Josh, agreement on # 35. I don’t understand how people treat sports as anything more than entertainment. To all you sports fans: Feeling depressed because “your” team lost a game? Get a grip! ‘Your’ team doesn’t know you are alive, and don’t care.
Do not forget, do not ever forget….Barack HUSSEIN Obama is a Muslim terrorist and he helped plan the 9/11 attacks and is directly related to Saddam Hussein as well as OSAMA bin Laden.
Vote for me!
as soon as the game is over i am done caring about it. it took a long time of watching my teams to choke to learn to do this. it’s entertainment that you invest in emotionally, but you need to be able to step right back across that emotional line. otherwise, you’re just being irrational.
he’s an american hating sandnigger!!! kill him!!!
It has nothing to do with the Seahawks, Josh.
Sand nigger? Come on cracka that one sucks, everyone knows it’s dune coon!
Nun,
Sorry that’s your depressed.
i was looking for you spitting on greg jennings, nun, i didn’t see any happy, blue, pointy faces in the crowd, though.
if you’re feeling blue just do what i do and irrationally project your fear onto others. HATE is powerful my young apprentice.
nun,
Sorry that you’re depressed. I hope you feel better, if there is anything you need a Mr. T type guy to do let me know.
Josh
Quite possibly, my favorite post yet.
How come you’re so blue Wondertwin Nun?
[...] #49 Homosexual Cartoon Characters October 14, 2008 Posted by Skepdude in Stuff God Hates. Tags: Anal, Gays, God, Homosexuals, Spongebob, Winnie the Pooh trackback CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES” [...]
okay, kids, one of our little God fearing blog family is having a bad day. cue the corny “last scene on growing pains” music and let’s sit down and get in touch with our feelings. i think we’ve learned a valuable lesson here today…and all in 22 minutes plus commercials!!!
Nun,
Is this about the links? It’s about the links isn’t it. Come on God! Please make it so Nun can post links.
speaking of hate,
I got Force Unleashed for the X Box for my birthday. The game is interesting if you like Star Wars, but it is very repetitive. I finished assassin’s creed before this and it was a much better game even if the main guy was a muslim(e)!
Wow - these wavitar thingies are really big! Nun - now who needs her hair done? That’ll make you feel better.
damn muslims!!! now they’re in our vid games!!
Group hug, everyone!
Only if I get a reach around.
Group hug, everyone! Curtis, see Nun.
I’ll have to pass. I’m under the weather today. No need to spread anything around.
Dang, that leaves me, Josh, and cracka, and I ain’t gettin between those two!
Was James from Pokemon gay, or just a crossdresser?
I don’t fear God. I guess you could call me the black sheep of the family. The black-domestic- terrorist- monkey-wrapped-in-a-bumper-sticker-raped-by-Smoggy sheep.
But I hope Cousin Nun is okay.
I’d be happy to share my sore throat, sore back, and achiness.
Halo, please don’t spread that unibrow around.
You’re a good person, Crooked.
your mom always told you to straighten your halo. now you know why. and button up your coat! take a scarf!
Yikes! I do have a unibrow. I thought it was a sun visor. What do I know? I’m just a purple smiley stop sign.
Yo Yo, you just don’t want to be contaminated.
What? No chicken soup?
yoyo-”You’re a GOOD person, Crooked.”
yes, but you’re a WONDERFUL pink stop sign.
purple? maybe i should adjust my color on this thing.
I see Maureen McCormick had a rough time after the Brady Bunch - wasn’t perfect Marcia. How sad.
“What? No chicken soup?” We thought you were vegan.
My issue is not with the links although that does make me
God works in mysterious ways and His denying my links probably makes me a better person in the long run. Fuck.
My issue is with somebody that posts here occasionally. This person knows who I am from another forum because she’s nosy. I don’t particularly care for that. It fucks with my paranoid mind and compromises my anonymity and I really fucking HATE that!
Oh? Who?
We’ll mock her and then shun her until she leaves - we’re good at that.
You all have probably already made this remark, but in the background painting, Hell looks like a much cooler place to be (no pun intended).
Nun, it’s Bridgette isn’t it?
Nun,
if people find out who you are, it’s not a big deal. No one cares, and I don’t mean that in a harsh way. People just don’t give a fuck especially about people they “meet” on the internet. Cracka found out who I am and besides him killing me, my life has been the same.
No offense Josh but you know not what you speak of.
‘Strewth. No one knows that all of my posts are made by a small cabal of left-wing marxists living in a boiler room beneath the Hancock Building in Boston. (Level 2E)
I concede your point Nun.
Whew. Process of elimination, it’s not me.
I’m glad this issue has finally been brought to the light. I absolutely loath Spongebob Squarepants. Thank you Merciful Lord for banning that atrocity.
Thanks, Josh. I do have a need for Mr. T though… or at least a certain part of his manly black anatomy.
Pink-purple. I’m due for a new comp soon.
Nah, I eat meat.
And I don’t care about who is who elsewhere. This place is like Vegas - what happens here stays here.
ok thanks Nun. Looking at this thread, it looks like it is obviously Crooked Halo.
Crooked Halo, you’re a fucking cunt-bitch-whore-slut chubbasaurus cunt. Get the fuck out of here and leave Nun alone before we burn your tits off.
Benny,
burn someone’s tits off?!?!?!? God damn! that’s horrible. ONe thing the world does not need is one less set of tits.
Benny, as if.
Josh, it’ll take a while.
Don’t try to be my friend Crooked! I’m team Nun!!!!! I just don’t think breasts should be hurt in any way, unless it’s their owner’s choosing. Some people like nipple clamps and to be hung by their boobs. OUCH!
I keed, I keed. But seriously, I’m team Nun.
Josh, I really don’t care. I come here for a couple of hours each time there’s a new entry, I post a couple of times, and then I go back to my regularly scheduled programming. No need to be on anyone’s team.
I would never advocate burning somebody’s boobies off.
Halo,
You do care which is why you made sure to refer to my name in another forum on another topic in this blog. I’m almost positive that there are others posting from that forum but no mention is ever made of that forum or the screennames of posters in that forum, except from you. It’s fucking annoying and it’s a little bit of an invasion of privacy. Just like searching for ISP addresses of people by using information from their emails. Not cool, halo. Not cool at all. It’s like shooting a guy in the dick.
hmmm…..ok. but you’re suspect! you big tittied bitch!
oh oh oh! FACE!
Curtis,
My brother is experimenting in gayness and is lying to me about it. I’m a fag-hag!! Why would he do that, Curtis? My gay friends don’t get it either.
I read a post once where somebody intimated that the best friends they ever had were people they spoke to on the internet but had never met in real life. I felt really sorry for that person but damn it, you guys are like my best friends I never met.
I want to hire you all to be my ranch-hands. And by “ranch-hands” I mean sex toys.
every time i go to lunch i miss all the drama. halo, stay the fuck out of nun’s business, bitch!!! she’s our resident slut and without her we’d have a lot less vagina to make fun of…A LOT…TONS…IT’S FREAKIN HUGE!!! and don’t go fancying designs of trying to replace her, either!!! because we will burn your tits off, you tiny-cunted betrayer of identity!!
that’s it. the next person i murder will be…..(drum roll)….envelope, please….oh, wow, i can’t believe it! it’s crooked halo!!
dead.
I can understand that. its just minds talking to other minds, there isn’t the filter of people’s faces and the judging of those faces. except for Josh, of course.
Nun, instead of being your ranch hand, can I stay in the farmhouse and take long bubble baths?
Halo? Not funny.
with great sadness I must admit that Benny at 87 had a FACE.
Damn you Ben!!!!!!
haha, oh I get it, her halo is crooked because she’s naughty. ach-hem.
.
.
.
.
.
.
cunt
Nun,
if it makes you feel better I know who Halo is.
but he called his own FACE. which is so lame that it negates the original FACE and leaves him back at just being shut-up-ben again.
Nun, I don’t get why your brother wouldn’t tell you either. Of course, not knowing details of the relationship (blah, blah). Give him some time. With SO much nasty negative social and religious stigma attached — it’s often very difficult for us to wrap our own brains around it. Took me years.
You didn’t ask for advice, but just stay supportive. All joking aside, that’s the most important thing we all need. Gay or straight or somewhere in between. Don’t you think?
I think you’ve got a good point there, Ben.
Cracka is right, you were so close to having a legit FACE, but you ruined it Benny.
100?
Man Cracka. Your FACE rules are hardcore.
And the winner is Zombie Josh at 100! Dang.
Word to yo momma Curtis,
It’s a sad day when you can’t even be gay without people giving you shit. My best friend who I’ve known since I was 5 came out to his dad and his dad attacked him! Tried to kick his ass! This world is just a little too sad sometimes.
I vote for McCain is like punching a homosexual in the face.
Won’t somebody think of the homosexuals?!
Anne,
You may do whatever you want. You just can’t fuck my ranch-hands. They’re MINE!!!!
Curtis,
It’s his best friend and I’ve been teasing him about them being butt-buddies for a long time now… hmm… maybe that’s why he won’t tell me.
yeah, FACE rules cannot be compromised or we’ll have shitty posts like:
curtis is a fag!! FACE!!!!!!
la-a-ay-ame.
“a vote for mccain is like punching a homosexual in the face.”
is that why he’s still got 41%? 41% of people are either closeted homophobes or straight up bigots.
uppity,
yeah many people feel they gays should be second class citizens. I work with a dude who is gay, and I mean “stereotypical” gay. One of his brothers is also gay, and the other is straight. His parents voted for Bush in both elections. He told them is they vote for McCain he’s never coming home again.
My thing is the loudest dudes against gays and gay rights are in fact gay. They do so much to hide it and in the end make themsevles and others unhappy.
I vote we give Ben a ‘legit FACE’. No particular reason for doing so other than I find him massively attractive today and would like to see his weiner. If I can help him get a ‘legit FACE’, maybe he’ll show it to me.
Josh,
Did you get all crackerey* and do some internet stalking?
* The definition of “crackerey” is when non-crackers willingly forgo their dignity and resort to the methods of crackers to get what they want. Please make a note of it as I like the word and intend on using it often.
And please note that Halo is a nice enough person. Just a little on the nosy side.
Cracka, you are so wrong. I was not giving myself my own ‘FACE,’ I would never do that. I was giving NUN a FACE for what she said to Crooked Cunt.
Nun,
My level of crackerey is pretty low. I just used two facts I know about her and you and found her easy. I’m not at the level of cyber stalking that Uppity is.
Josh: now with 50% more cracka!
this is a proud moment for me, josh. with our resident soul brother using crackery and the onset of the term nunnery. i can go home happy tonight!!
i see, ben. in that case…josh’s earlier declaration of a FACE still stands. now, show nun your weewee.
this is for you, josh:
http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com
HEY NUN….CHECK OUT MY DONG:
http://www.dightonrock.com/Phallus-5.JPG
That’s a pretty cool link, Cracka. My black friend really thinks I’m “wid it” too.
Cracka,
that link is 5 years old!!! It was a project done by two students. Pretty funny. I like how in the testimonial section there is a picture or MR. Marcus the porn star telling us how great the couple is.
Cracka since you know who I am, go to my website and look at my videos, 3rd video from the top actually is a picture i borrowed from that site!!!!!
i know, mine do too. they’re always like, “cracka, please!” when i ask them if they’d like another veggie burger. my BBQs are the best!
i’ll be damned, josh. i just remembered that site from what, apparently, was 5 years ago. first time i went there i think i cried and blew milk out of my nose at the same time.
Cracka,
Nobody here wants to see my “weewee”. You’re silly for even suggesting such a thing.
Ben,
I hate to break it to you but there is something really, really wrong with your penis. For starters, it’s supposed to be attached to your body. That looks like it belongs with my collection of boxed cocks.
fuck, i’ll have to do it at home. this corporate entity with certain inalienable rights that i work for finds my sense of humor offensive and unproductive. i love you, giant building that i work for!!
nun, you wanted to see ben’s dingy so i credited him with a face and told him to whip it out…trying to do you a solid (that’s black lingo for “favor”) and what do i get? chastised! criticized! publicly humiliated!
Josh is a big, fat Chinese guy. I hate him because he is fat and Chinese but I love him too. I’m a conundrum like that.
Ben is a tall, scrawny black guy with a massive schlong that is set in stone and not attached to his body. I hate him for having a defective penis but I love him for being black.
Curtis is a fag. I love him for being a fag. I’d love him for his awesomely huge cock but that would just be wasted love so why bother.
Cracka and Yo Yo are crackas. I hate them both.
Anne is a witch. I love her for being a witch.
I feel that labelling humans is a good thing as it allows us to judge people without really getting to know them. Ben could be an asshole but I’m still going to love him because he’s a darky. Labels make living life easier.
Cracka,
If you wouldn’t whip out your penis in public then you would find that you would not be publicly humiliated. Cause and effect, man, cause and effect.
Nun,
Ben is a Jew.
I hate Ben.
HAHAHA!! Things just keep getting better for the Cowboys. Pacman.. oh, sorry… Adam Jones has been suspended indefinitely!!
Don’t know why #116 tickles me so much but I did actually lol.
Down with your bad self, Cracka. A word to your mother.
And I believe that #122 constitutes a FACE?
I wish I was quick and witty and not just incredibly handsome.
122? it’s the same small penis joke it’s always been.
(insider secret: nun’s never seen my penis. this is all pretend.)
the nfl is a better place when the cowboys suck.
how about the bengals owner wildly signalling the ref that his receiver didn’t catch the ball? excuse me, sir, it would appear that you are rooting for the wrong team…dipshit.
wait, no, i mean falcons owner.
Curtis,
It’s the ‘cracka please’, it tickles me too but in a wholly non-sexual sort of way.
Cracka,
Did you see me state that your penis was small? No, you didn’t. You could be publicly humiliated because your penis is miniscule or you could be publicly humiliated because your penis is deformed and ugly. You could even be publicly humiliated because you suffer from elephantitis and your penis is 6 feet tall but you’re 5′2″. I don’t know about anybody else but I’d point and laugh at a penis that is bigger than the person sporting said penis.
So, you see, you don’t know if that was a small penis joke or not.
I’m a good witch. But Sarah Palin still shot my snake. That’s okay, I sent the faeries to fuck with her hearing. Oooooo! They did them some goooood!
Were we talking about sports today? It’s not entertainment, it’s religion! It’s us against them. And that’s either politics, race, or religion.
Anything that hurts the Cowboys makes me
Cracka,
What do you think of the rumors that the Vikings are a prime team to move?
Me too, Anne. I hate the Cowboys with the white hot intensity of a million suns.
the vikings won’t go anywhere because the politicians couldn’t endure the backlash like they could in L.A. and they couldn’t blame the ownership like they did in cleveland. the vikings will build some 1.1 billion dollar eyesore out in the sticks somewhere and everyone will complain about how god damn cold it is.
everyone hates the cowboys except for cowboys fans.
and, you’re right, nun…my penis could be humiliating for any number of myriad reasons.
Fucking L.A. Ken Behring tried to take the ‘Hawks there but it didn’t work out so well for him. He did manage to run the team into the ground though.
I like cowboys!
Okay, okay, another self depreciating gay joke. I need to think of some other shtick. That’s getting old.
Fucking cowboys… not the team.
OMG! I just noticed that Abraham Lincoln is in hell. What’s up with that? Is God angry that he freed the slaves?
It seems lots of good people are in hell.
Bruce Lee, Audrey Hepburne, Charlie Chapman, Einstein, Shirley Temple, Michael Jordan, Pele, Shakespeare, Elvis, Marget Thatcher!!!
I don’t know God’s divine plan, but seeing who is in hell really has me confused.
oh yeah Curits,
there are two dudes making out in heaven! kissing hard buddy (but no anal)
well, Bruce Lee is asian, and Einstein was an atheist scientist. Thatch was a woman….um….
Shirley Temple was an ambassador to some African country. God hates Africa so that’s how she secured her place in hell. She’s still alive though.
Yeah, this hell is highly suspicious. Che is there, and I can sort of understand that, but how did Fidel get next to him? Fidel’s still alive. So far as we know. And Shirley Temple is definitely still alive, although she’s through tap dancing with Uncle Toms.
Josh, I saw that. Now I’m torn. I don’t know where I want to spend eternity. There seems to be a lot of scantly clad people in heaven in various sexually suggestive positions (albeit some are quite angry) — coupled with the really cool people in hell.
It’s a conundrum.
Yeah, it’s probably all those years Shirley spent as ambassador to Ghana. She even learned the stinkin language! God must be so pissed at her!
The women in heaven have scary tits. Do your tits look like that, Nun? Mine sure don’t. Is there even an implant that would do that to a tit?
Well, President Clinton is there, we knew that was going to happen. He committed the sin of Onad all over Monica’s pretty blue dress.
Shirley Temple is evil. I knew that the first time I saw the satanic curls on her evil little head. Cindy Brady is pretty fucking evil too.
curtis,
why would you want to be in heaven? you can make out with some hot guys but you could never seal the deal. that sounds like hell to me.
What if I’m gay and I only fuck cartoon characters? Is that okay?
What about Fred Rogers, also clearly gay, also aimed at children?
Thomas, I don’tknow who you think you are coming here and talking shit about beloved Mr. Rogers! I’ll kill you mother fucker!!!!
If it wasn’t for him there would be no VCR or DVR! Look it up bitch!
Anne,
Michelangelo was a flaming homo and simply did not know how female breasts really look. Not to mention that he was totally icked out when he had to paint the female breasteses so hurried his way through. He spent the majority of his time on the males.
I loved Mr. Rogers!! His sweater and his sneakers, he always made me feel content.
Mr. Rogers wasn’t gay! Don’t say that about Mr. Rogers!
Well, we might be a dysfunctional family here, but we sure draw rank around Mr. Rogers.
Mr. Rogers was raised with a black boy his parents were fostering, I didn’t know that. I always knew I loved him for appropriate reasons.
Mr. Rogers was a true American hero. I thank you not to take his name in vain.
Thomas, I suggest you read article linked below and ask God for forgiveness!
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/5943
I’m so sad for the loss of Mr. Rogers right now. Thanks a lot, Thomas!!
fuck Mr. Rogers. just kidding.
why do i hurt myself so?
…
…
…
oh Mr. Rogers!! where have you gone?! it’s not a beautiful day in the neighborhood any more!
its nothing but ugly days now!!
After reading about him, I realize why I loved him so.
Ben,
They say you’re a Jew but your rock-cock doesn’t look Jewish.
Nun,
the cock is circumsized that pretty jewy. as for it’s actual size you have no point of reference. He should have put a quater or a ruler in the picture.
I don’t know, Josh… sure, it doesn’t have a bunch of extra icky foreskin but it doesn’t have a discernible head either. Maybe it’s neither circumcised or uncircumicised but merely funny looking.
Mr. Rogers WAS TO gay! He’s a role model to all us other gays. I’d let him do me in a heartbeat (but anal only in secret).
Case in point:
1. There was no MRS. Rogers. He was a “confirmed bachelor”.
2. He wore sweaters, ie: a clothes horse.
3. He sang about beautiful days in the “neighborhood”.
4. He played with puppets in the “land of make believe”.
5. He had a trolley just like Judy Garland.
6. He loved children, especially little boys.
7. He flirted with the milk man.
8. He flirted with the postman.
9. He did crafts.
10.He had a sidekick named Mr. Green Jeans . . . oh wait.
People. Please.
All I know is, the week Mr. Rogers died, I was standing in the Children’s Museum in Pittsburgh, staring at Daniel Striped Tiger and crying my eyeballs out. It doesn’t really matter to me how Mr. Rogers got his jollies, but I know he never hurt a kid. Mine adored him. And so did I.
If you ask me, it’s people like Pirate McCain and Vlad the ImPalin who try to make everyone afraid of everyone else. They would try to tie Mr. Rogers to terrorism (or pedophilia) if he was running for president.
Oh! Mr. Rogers!
He dwells among the faeries and the Druid deities and others who appreciate him! The rest of us miss him.
Curtis, was there a Mr. Green Jeans on Mr. Rogers? I recall he was a pal of Captain Kangaroo.
God, I do not care if Captain Kangaroo was a Village Person. I still worship the dude. And his Dancing Bear.
Wait!!!
I thought Mr Green Jeans was the one who smited himself after being on the Captain Kangaroo Show…
Which to was obviously gay.
Curtis,
You need to check the fact man, he was married with two kids! Don’t try to claim him for your team!!!!
Curtis is just trying to push his Gay Agenda on you all and on Mr. Rogers.
Way to go, Curtis!
Shut up, Ben.
yeah, shut up, ben.
anne, I’m sure Curtis knows Mr. Green Jeans was Captain Kangaroo’s sidekick.
Green Jeans? Is there a hidden subtext here? A captain? Was he in the British Navy? “Rum, sodomy, and the lash.”
And I’m sure Mr. Rogers is in Heaven - he was an ordained Presbyterian Minister. (We can only take this ecumenical movement so far.
his jeans were green because he was stoned all the time. nice pogues reference, yoyo. mr. rogers believed in God? gross. if he wasn’t dead already i’d have to kill him.
Heh, I was wondering if anyone would catch the Pogues reference, Cracka!
I’ve always like “And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda”, whenever BushCo rattles the war drums I think of it.
Mr. Rogers had a world he created, with beings who looked up to him. He was God.
I really wanna see that new movie “W.” it looks hella funny.
we’ve all been brainwashed, mr rogers was evil and he’s not dead…he just ascended to his throne where he’s poking at us with a menacing laugh.
waltzing matilda is one of the best pogues songs.
breaking news: ben wants to go to a movie, but nobody will give him a ride.
I can’t post from the other place I post from!!
I still have a post awaiting moderation to Josh about how Ben’s cock-in-stone does not look like it’s circumcised. 
Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister but was very accepting and tolerant which is the way it should be. He used to tell people that God loves them the way they are. There is nothing wrong with a belief in God if that’s how people handle it. I miss Mr. Rogers.
If Mr. Rogers was telling people God loved them, he must have been talking about another god, because this here God who hates Bugs Bunny is a mean-ass.
i’m telling you, nun, mr rogers is the black pope…illuminati conspiracy!!! he has the whole world in his hands! and he’s going to crush us all!!!!
If Mr. Rogers crushes us then we probably deserved to be crushed.
Anne,
It was God but He was always in a Divine Good Mood for Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers never got on God’s bad side so he never had to see the Raging, Angry God that we see.
God only seems angry when you’re a fuck up.
actually, I want to see the movie W, but I can’t spare the money. I blame W for that.
Benny,
I think it’s time you got introduced to your local bootlegger.
“God only seems angry when you’re a fuck up.”
A good point - my Invisible Friend is happy, Happy, HAPPY!
I filled up my car this morning and it was the cheapest it’s been in a long time. They keep talking about how much gas is falling… don’t fall for their lies!! The price of gas is not falling, it is simply getting back to a somewhat reasonable level after it jacked up sky-high.
I had to light some scented candles - bad gas (even I can’t stand the smell today). Sometimes I ‘cropdust’ in other people’s cubes, but it’s too cruel.
Just thought I’d share that.
Nun, there’s always an October Surprise to try and sway the voters. Price of gas falling, stock market stabilizing a little - it’s part of BushCo’s act to get us sheeple to vote Red.
GROSS YO YO! Even the Druid gods would smite you for that!
I am very sure that they will catch Osama bin Laden any day now and they’ll have a photo-op of McCain leading him away in handcuffs.
Some asshole racist old man took a Curious George doll to a Palin rally and dressed it up like Obama. Fuck you, you old racist butthole!
Anne, your wavatar can hold its breath until it’s blue in the face(Wait! It already did!), but it still can’t escape the Wrath of Gas!
Benny, next year Bin Ladin will appear on Oprah to flog his new book: “Misunderstood Muslim”.
Oprah: “Osama, you are responsible for killing thousands of lives, what do you have to say?”
Bin Ladin: (In Arabic) ڴښ ڍڣ
Translator: “Oprah, that happened, what? Seven, eight years ago? I live in the moment. This is America. It’s time to let go of the past and focus on our future.”
Dr. Phil: “There’s a right way and a wrong way to deal with this. Apologizing is the right way. Saying you understand that your actions were harmful and unfounded is the right way. If that dog don’t run, I’m kicking your ass to the curb.
It’s all in my new book, “We Teach People How To Treat Us.
Yo - that’s f*cked up. Funny. But f*cked up!
Does Curtis have an aversion to the word ‘fuck’?
No, I just weren’t sure we could spell that out or not. Obviously we can. Woot!
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck!
I don’t think God censors us. Well, except for me when it comes to links and when I want to post from somewhere besides where I’m at right now.
when Curtis wrote f*cked, I felt like he put little earmuffs on our virgin ears.
I sometimes use ‘fvckin’ and ‘cvnts’. Makes it look like old Latin lettering.
(Seen on an ancient Roman police station:)
“FABRICVS DIEM, PVNK”
But we already knew you were a pussy, Yo.
Followup to post #186: I lit a hazelnut candle to mask the stench. Someone in the hallway just asked, “Who’s burning a fudgenut candle?”!!
Yeah, but I’m comfortable in the role, Nun!
it was scary for me at first but now i like it better. i really like how much better i can see Josh’s pic. and Lucy’s pic REALLY looks cool now.
I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire VI shots or only V?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .XLIV Magnum, the most powerful crossbolt in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, pvnk?
people who have their own pics here look great, people with the random gravatars not so much.
I think I look fine.
i could put my own pic up, but i’ve been this ugly ass yellow circle over here for months. since i’m a cracka and all i have strong aversion to change.
speaking of which, ever since rupert murdoch pirated the wall street journal it’s turned into a right wing dirt rag. does anyone know where i can read reasonable conservative writers at anymore? i mean, i disagree with most of their ideology but, fuck, this is ridiculous. if your only news sources were murdoch owned, imagine how dumb you would be…probably as dumb as bridgette.
I wonder if Bridgette can even post here. As my other post is still awaiting moderation I wonder if God has unknown ISPs routed to a moderation queue.
nun’s vagina should be routed to a….oh, nevermind.
that’s just how i felt at the moment.
congratulations on 200, yoyo. you’re that much stronger now. there can be only one.
F*ck this f*ckin economy! All the rich people are shopping at the thrift store! NO CAN DO, RICH PEOPLE! The thrift store is for POOR PEOPLE! And the store is raising its f*ckin prices because of the RICH PEOPLE!
I’m glad God plans to smite these rich mvthafvckas. They take everything!
yeah, FUCK THE RICH PEOPLE!!! except for the cool ones.
Two questions:
Why did you start posting so damned much while I was under siege in Hell?
and When was that last Bridgette sighting anyway?
Shut up, Ben!
I will not shutup. How the hell did you get out of hell anyway SatANUS?!?
I don’t think we’ve heard from Sister Bridgette in a couple of weeks. BTW, does anyone else think that Lucifer’s horns are pretty cool?
Lucifer is fucking HOT!! He makes me quiver inside whenever I look at his manly, studly picture. My favorite color is red.
Ewan McGregor is rich and I love him. Johnny Depp is rich and I love him too. I like some rich people.
1 question:
who is your first question directed toward?
bridgette posted a verse some time last week. she came oh so close to facing nun a couple of weeks before that. it was actually funny.
but, ben, you must shut up.
another question-did new zealand get blown up or something? because smoggy hasn’t been around lately.
nun, does this mean you’re hot for dave groehl or just dave groehl in a satan costume?
you know who else is cool and rich? trent reznor. sure, his music isn’t what it used to be, but he’s cool.
I’m working on that, Cracka. Iceland is taken care of, NZ is next.
If I saw Johnny Depp at the thrift store, I would be so pissed off that I wouldn’t fuck him.
Nun, of course I am hot.
How about oral sex, Johnson?
Nun, I tried to send you a present on Facebook, but they only had cute cuddly things. I was thinking more along the lines of a dead horse’s head, a fattosaurus tourist or the rotting corpse of an internet stalker. Couldn’t find any. I’ll have to kill Facebook.
Please do, Lou. Facebook is really lame.
Dave Grohl is kind of hot in his normal-everyday-mortal look.
Anne,
I would rape him.
Be afraid if you ever run into me, Mr. Depp because I will use you like you’re Indiana Jones and I’m George Lucas.
Well, maybe not exactly like that because I really want Mr. Depp’s weewee in me and not the other way around.
poor smoggy, he probably has no idea that lucy is planning on destroying his precious NZ of which he knows so many useless facts that no one cares about!!! run, smokey bullwinkle, run!!!!
Nun,
whats up with all this love for white guys all of a sudden?
she’s an equal opportunity hornball slut, josh. it’s not like this is new information. sometimes she just needs a big one and we all know there is a higher percentage of big one instances amongst the african american community. although, friend of mine since high school is enormous and freakishly so. back in the ‘drink keg beer until you puke it up so you can drink more’ years i walk into a bedroom. i see that he’s about to get it on. before i turn the light back off i see it. i swear to God it must’ve been 14 inches. skinny white boy, too.
How about oral sex, Loosey-goosey? I’m not sure I follow you. If I see Johnny Depp buying the clothes I need for Mr. Johnson in the thrift store, am I supposed to give Johnny a blowjob? Or do you want a blowjob? Either way, my cheeks are clearly full of johnson already. My mister is a blister.
they have creams for that.
Cracka,
Anne doesn’t use creams you buy in a store, she just rubs moon root on it.
Line them rich bastards against a wall, shoot them, take the money in their wallets, and squander it on beer.
yo yo,
with your plan the beer salesmen will then me rich, so we would have to shoot them take their money and spend it on more beer. Then the new beer people will be rich, and we would have to shoot them… and on and on till th eonly people left are drunks.
then BE rich, not me rich!!!!! Him damn it!
LOL, good point, Josh! And I’m sure she (while skyclad) dances widdershins three times around the root before rubbing it on.
Hmmm…I hadn’t thought out the plan, Josh. After awhile the drunks will be too unsteady to even hit the side of a barn with a handful of beans.
Josh,
My lust for Ewan McGregor and Johnny Depp is well documented. Zeus has already manifested as both of them so we could get it on like Palin’s daughter and her redneck baby-daddy… only Zeus and I were much better looking and knew about birth control.
Dear cracka
My modest presentation of facts about New Zealand is a balancing exercise—one brave Noo Zillunder’s attempt to counter the high-pressure torrent of crap-about-America that sloshes around the globe like sea water in the belly of the Titanic. Anyway, you could all use some educating. The year I lived in the US, they thought overseas news was what happened in Hawaii.
As for Mr Rogers–he was clearly someone you had to grow up with. To an outsider this funny little old man of mediocre talents and no fashion sense hanging out with small children and indoctrinating them with the idea that Pollyanna neighborhoods still exist was pretty creepy. I once attended a party where all the adults present started singing the Mr Rogers theme song–chilling! That said–my own kids never missed an episode.
Get steamed Americanos
I got the best compliment today… I was told that I’m not like an American at all.
Perhaps they thought you were Alaskan?
231 + 235, josh and yoyo, DUAL FACE!! this plan to get wasted and kill sounds great, also. sign me up for that one.
smoggy, i already forgot what you said.
nun, they could have meant that you look british because your teeth are all fucked up or, “holy shit! that chick dresses like she’s living in communist latvia circa 1974!”
I know you’re being funny but that’s a stupid joke, Smog. I wonder if Josh agrees with me.
I’m actually very proud of my non-arrogant, non-American mannerisms.
I dress like I live in a commune, not like a communist. Dumbass.
commune, communist. Goldberg, iceberg.
Smoggy, yeah, it’s what we saw in our childhood, I guess it imprints on us. I imprinted on Scooby-Doo.
Nun, not like an American at all? What are you, some woman who doesn’t shave her legs? Or has six weeks of vacation every year? Spells words with extra letters? No speaka da Englais?
Smoggy hides out for days and then comes back in time to dis Mr. Rogers. Lucifer, if you need help finding New Zealand, I’ll lend you an atlas!
It would be easier to line up rich people, shoot them, and take their money for beer … and then line more rich people up, shoot them, and take their money for beer.
If you need to find rich people, I know where they’re hiding. AT THE FVCKIN THRIFT STORE! Feh! I’m still pissed to the brim!
i thought smoggy lived in an alaskan public library where the only unbanned book is a new zealand atlas. check there first, lucy. a little wisdom from wasilla main street.
Everyone root for the Phillies tonight. Pennsylvania’s a battleground state, and half of the people in it won’t be watching the debate. They should at least get the reward of seeing their team advance to the World Series.
Translation for Smoggy of New Zealand: Blah blah blah blah blah!
I’ve got some pretty scary imprinting myself Yo.
nun–I can’t believe my Alaskan joke touched a nerve. It was topical not stupid. Every second blog is obsessed with Palin’s ties to the AIP–as far as her nearest and dearest are concerned Alaska isn’t part of the US. Did I say you were like Palin? Would even a sheep-shagger stoop that low?
The good news is that the ex-brother-in-law and the other guy she fired are looking at suing her. I once felt sorry for Palin–now I want to see her fall so far and so badly she never gets up for a second try. Paradise Lost! The entire world doesn’t need a US president that will repeat every foul slander that’s fed to her and can’t understand the danger of stoking fires of racial hate.
Smoggy’s still bitter because Mr. Rogers turned down his idea for an all-puppet version of “Full Metal Jacket”.
Nun,
#242, it wasn’t a stupid joke as much as a joke that is beneath the skillset that Smoggy has demonstrated in the past. He tried to FACE Palin, which is an easy thing to do, but instead produced a hack joke.
Milton got married and wrote ‘Paradise Lost’.
His wife died and he wrote ‘Paradise Regained’.
Fuck
I’m being serious 
today…
…
fuck off Benny 
you square-headed toad licker 
.
#252: “produced a hack joke.”
Which is my job.
I guess I should be peeved at Smoggy, or something. Smoggy, I’m dissatisfied with the intensity of a 40 watt light bulb.
Thanks for the considered joke-feedback Josh–I’ll try and lift my game.
Because I like mystery I have resisted all attempts to track back through the clues and discover who you really are–to me you’ll always be a more articulate Mr T.
Anne,
If people in Philly are stupid enough to watch a game that will have no effect on their lives instead of a debate for an election that could change everything, they deserve to see their team loose. Not only that I hope a plane crashes in the field and kills the whole team! That will make sports center!
Go into marriage with your eyes open. Afterwards, keep them half closed.
Can any of you see my comment at #24? It says it is still awaiting moderation. I don’t think I can post links so well God’s new blog.
Dude!! Don’t put the jinx of Marshall on any team!!
smoggy 24 is claimed by uppity, me no see yo comment.
Josh said: “If people in Philly are stupid enough to watch a game that will have no effect on their lives instead of a debate for an election that could change everything, they deserve to see their team loose.”
ALL sports nuts are like that. No wonder we are so easily lead.
the question Nun is did you know about Marshall before the movie with MAtt Sir Smokes Alot McChoneheee?
Yo–Was it you that reminded us that a bride smiles so happily on her wedding day because she knows she’ll never have to give another blowjob?
God is on a Holy Hiatus. I too have a post awaiting moderation as I posted from an ISP that I don’t usually post from… I’m assuming anyway as there was no link in my post. I won’t even try to link anymore.
Josh,
I am ashamed to say that no, I was not aware of the Marshall tragedy before my sex-toy made that movie. I did not watch it for McConaughey though… I watch all sports flicks. I love them!!
Damn! I’ve been nunned! So if you can’t see my post #24–who got 200? According to me it was nun–but maybe for all of you it is Yo Yo.
Here’s my post without the links–do Americans read Tintin and Asterix?
Dear God,
I take Your point entirely–this is a pernicious and sinful manifestation of culture designed to corrupt the young. I now realize that gay cartoon characters are everywhere.
Accordingly I will no longer read my childhood favourites Asterix and Obelix–those huge anal-plug-shaped menhirs that Obelix makes have taken on a sinister meaning.
Tintin also disturbs me. The boy reporter is clearly a gerontophile–dropping his plus-fours and bending over for Captain Haddock’s scabby dick whenever the bearded old alcoholic croaks “Blistering Barnacles and a Thousand Thundering Typhoons!!”–surely his outbursts are coded homo-speak.
Smoggy - yep.
Nun,
You’ve seen the replacements? What about the longest yard 2006 version? How about the mighty ducks franchise? What about Rollerball (not to be confused with the great Murder Ball!)? that’s alot of shitty movies!
I dunno - I heard that TinTin took so many hits on his head he couldn’t grow to adult size. He’s almost as old as the captain!
Obelix had a vision of Nun, and made the menhirs to satisfy her yawning snatch.
I do not have 200, nor would I want it. You’re all just a bunch of whiny-fag-babies going for the post numbers. Since there are at least 2 posts awaiting moderation, post 200 cannot yet be claimed with any kind of certainty. You whiny-fag-babies.
Josh,
Yes, I’ve seen the shit sport films as well. The films that do not follow the rules of the sport they’re showcasing really get on my nerves. Like two American League teams playing against each other in the World Series, or a complete disregard for how many downs there are or if it takes 4 balls to get a walk. I have not seen Rollerball and will not be changing that any time ever.
Some of the better sports films are We Are Marshall, Rudy, Remember the Titans. Hell, I even like Little Big League because they follow the fucking rules of the game. Angels in the Outfield does not and sucks major bunghole.
Nun–in Smoggy world you DO have 200.And if my post is ever moderated you will have 200 in your world also.
ALERT FELLOW HATERS If my post #24 is allowed and nun suddenly gets 200 you will know that she has been handing out sexual favors in heaven, and she is in fact the biggest-whiny-number-fag-slut in creation
I’m SO excited to watch the final debate tonight. Does anyone else think McCain completely rocks! I mean, that last debate . . . . . NAILED IT!!!
Nun - It’s that way in any movie, if you know something of the technical side, you get angry at the errors.
Hell, I bet Smoggy stood up and shouted, “That’s not how you give a reach-around” during the screening of “Rambone: First Sheep”.
Whacha smoking, Curtis?
Smoggy, did your IQ drop sharply within the last few days? I have a post awaiting moderation as well… I’ve stated that several times. Now try the math again.
Was “Nailed It” spoken in a falsetto voice, Curtis?
I’ve got one in the pipeline, as well.
I don’t do math…
…have you got something in Curtis’s pipeline Yo? Or was that a subtle Alaska joke?
I considered a disclaimer regarding Curtis and his puckered pooper probing. Didn’t think about Palin and pipelines.
Good catch, Smoggy.
i hear nailed it like Owen says it, very not sincere.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6abc1da9f4
Curtis has no gag reflex–that’s why he can take so much of McCain.
Heh…fantastic anagrams for Sarah Palin:
–Piranha Las
–Sharia Plan
–Anal Parish
–Saran Phial
–Ha! Liar. Snap!
I was just sayin that Pennsylvania is a battleground state in which half the population tonight will not be watching the debate. i didn’t say the sports fans weren’t morons. But at least they’re morons who won’t be changing their idea about who to vote for because Obama forgot his flag pin.
Hey, I read Asterix! What a heathen!
I’ve got a comment in the pipeline too. Maybe God lost some when he upgraded his divine website.
Falsetto or bland and insincere - they both work, don’t they? A coworker of mine is completely beside herself with Palin’s popularity. I told her not to worry. It’s not over ’til the Republicans steal the office.
There’s a Dairy Queen commercial that David Duchovny was all psyched about that says “Nailed it” at the end in a falsetto voice. I guess he regaled cast and crew alike while filming The X-Files flick by constantly saying “Nailed It” whenever he completed a take to his satisfaction. I was trying to figure out if Curtis wants to be a plaything for Duchovny.
#284: Stop it, Smoggy, or I may start to like you. A little. At arm’s length.
‘Hey, I read Asterix! What a heathen!’[
You just want to do it with Getafix the druid
That’s at least 3 posts awaiting moderation. Post 200 is still undecided. Unless Smoggy works his math-magic on it.
Nun, at this point, I’m not too particular and would like to be a play thing for just about anybody.
I wouldn’t mind being Duchovny’s plaything either. I just wouldn’t want him to talk.
well, i’ve got to rock the mic tonight. guess i better get drunk first. so, just so you guys know, i will be hungover in the morning. please, keep it down to a low roar. nun, don’t hate with the intensity of too many suns tomorrow…too damn bright.
does missing the debate because of your creative endeavors make you an asshole, too?
now…….fuck off.
I got anal-probed by aliens on ‘The X Files’ and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
And now I have to get back to my stupid job.
Stupid job.
‘Night brothers & sisters.
Palin is the best for dodgy anagrams (e.g. ‘Lash’n a pair’ and ‘Anal Sharpi’).
McCain offers almost nothing. The best I can suggest is that in this debate we get Obama to go armed with a large sea shell, and once McCain has dropped his trousers and shown the world what a big ARSE he is, Obama can seize the moment and “Jam Conch In”.
That should get McCain saying something other than “My Friends…”
rock on cracka
(fucking piss head)
‘Night, Cracka … mr. sunshine.
Back to stupid job, Curtis.
Smoggy, do you even have a job? Other than herding sheep and fucking with anagrams?
I’m a multi-tasker…I hold down five jobs at a time.
Smoggy, wanking doesn’t count as a job.
The thing you are best at and enjoy the most never counts as a job Yo.
LOL!
My question is where does it all go? At a conservative estimate the wankers of this planet produce enough ejaculate to fill eight Olympic sized swimming pools EVERY DAY! (and that’s just human males–I haven’t counted elephants, stallions and stud bulls).
20 million litres of semen a day (you can convert it to gallons)–that’s one almighty bukkake!
And having left you with that charming mental picture, I think I’d better get back to work.
Between Yo Yo’s gas and Smoggy’s spunk, my job is starting to look good too. Signing off.
Ta.
and now it’s MY TURN to play! haHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
you can all suck on my gigantic stone and sand wang! especially you Crooked Halo. you fake fucking cunt.
Well now, that’s more like it. And now that I have Heaven and Hell as my own personal playgrounds, I want them to fight. FIGHT you fucks! fight!
I AM SO GREAT. I AM SO GREAT! I AM SO GREAT! I AM SO GRAET.
.
.
.
.
.
fuck.
…sad…
Hey everyone, I have a serious question here. What should God’s 50th hate post be? It’s a big number, it should probably be something good.
Since you hate everything anyway God, here’s my suggestion:
#50 Smegma
ooops…did I say Smegma? I messed that up. I meant to say:
#50 Smoggy
I’m pretty sure Freddie of Scooby Doo is gay…put him on the list.
Yo Willy,
You should know your cartoon characters better before you make suggestions to the Almighty One. Fred and Velma is in reference to Fred and Velma from… you guessed it, Scooby Doo!
Woohoo!! My post is no longer awaiting moderation.
Neither is my post nun (and you still seem to be on 200, you lascivious number-slut).
Heh…heh…’smegma’. Yet again Smoggy is eviscerated by Benny’s razor wit.
The pain would be bearable if I had been bested by a worthy and formidable adversary (rather than a postman’s fucktoy with a face like Mother Theresa’s pussy).
What he said
If I could give you 200, I would Smog. That’s how much I love ya, the kind of love one has for their batty neighbor who fucks his farm animals.
Maybe God will do that Divine Switcheroo that He does so well. He seems to be fond of you in some sort of way and we all know how He feels about women.
I don’t need 200 nun. I’m watching the debate and all I need is to hear McCain call Obama a nigger.
He’s getting closer and closer…
he comes close but never does.
McCain still just looks like a hot head. He gets angry and Obama just looks cool.
He looked on the edge the whole time–he was blinking madly, his body seemed to jerk as if he couldn’t control it properly, his laughter was forced, and his attempt to smile calmly while Obama tore him a new asshole looked like frantic smirking. He can’t do the calm, statesmanlike thing that Obama does, his body language gives him away. I’d feel sorry for him if he hadn’t tried to repeat the same falsehoods and smears that have already been discredited. Sad little fucker.
The American ‘election’ is over. I have deemed John McCain far too old and stupid to be king. So let it be known!
Well there goes the entire election……. Obama better fix the motherfucking economy and not give Wall Street traders another cent.
McCain silently called Obama a nigger
throughout the debate. You could tell
by his body language - the smirkster!
The erection is all about me
PS - Benny you picked the “gayest” picture of John L you could find.
Good morning, all you hot-tubbers!
Once again, I manfully refrained from watching the debates, or listening to them, or listening to reviews after they ended. I’ll let Smoggy take care of that.
I didn’t have to listen to the debates - I lived them!
Nobody in Philadelphia watched the debates. After reading the expert commentary here, I’m sorry I didn’t. I had to help my brat with her homework. I am willing to sell her into slavery of any sort if the price is right.
Joe the Plumber, go suck a PVC. Everyone knows plumbers are going to vote McCain because they all make more than $250,000 a year. Has anyone ever met a plumber who wasn’t rolling in it?
rolling in what?
josh, i think the john l. pic is the one from carlito’s way, in which he plays benny from the bronx, benny blanco. shut up, ben.
i listened to the first 30 minutes of the debate on NPR on the way to rock the mic (new drummer forgot to play last half of one song, guitar cut out in the middle of another, i was badgering the crowd who took it personally, all in all, a miserable failure of a show…you could call it a “bush” show). sure, mccain looks old and miserly, granted. but, if you can’t see him his voice has that geezerly wheeze that makes him sound like he thinks the nursing home staff is out to get him. weird.
I keep all my spare money in my butt cleavage.
HAHA… I thought that pic of Leguizamo was Freddie Mercury, that’s how gay it is.
Cracka,
Your crowds are not the posters here, when you leave here you really need to drop the cracka mentality lest somebody beats the crap out of you.
HMM…interesting point, nun. i prefer not to speak to them at all. it’s corny, “hey, how you feeling tonight? tip your waitress…blah, blah, blah.” but, if i must banter, i like saying arbitrary things, confrontational things, or funny things. i like to tell people to feel free to get up on stage after our set and play a couple of songs for me because i love listening to aging alcoholics sing “patience” by guns and roses.
You should just let obsenities come flying out of your mouth at random. Never explain why either. Keep ‘em guessing.
Oh man, I misspelled obscenities. I’M A STUPID IDIOT!!
cracka is right, crowd work sucks. I don’t give a shit it’s your birthday or that that woman with the penis t-shirt is getting married.
Best line of the debate: ‘maybe you’ve be watching to many of your own ads John.’
Cracka, your band should be like The Residents. They wear masks to hide their identity, and they don’t speak at all. The lead singer just rages at the audience, so loudly and constantly that no one dares interrupt.
They also answer their email!
yes. i’ve considered the gas mask approach. it’s damn hot under there and you need to breathe.
on another note, my day so far can be succintly described thusly:
FUCK! SHIT! MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING GOD FUCKING DAMN FUCK!!!
Cracka you need to be like the band from the Burger King chicken commericals and put on a chicken mask and scream about chicken tenders! Bridgette would be your biggest fan.
no, what i need to do is just bring a laptop and a midi controller on stage and instead of addressing the crowd i’ll just generate weird noises to transition from one song to the next. problem solved. masses apeased. where’s my nobel prize for secretly bombing cambodia?
has ben shut up yet today?
Cracka’s having a bad day after having had a bad gig. He needs faeries in his life.
Or sex.
nun’s right. some anonymous hate sex would be nice. too bad i’ve alienated everyone. you know what word sounds dirty but isn’t? homoerectus.
johnson, again with the faeiriees?
Cracka,
you need sex with fairies, that way you think your dick is bigger. To tinkerbell you’re packing some serious heat.
No, Josh.. not even for Tinkerbell is Cracka packing some serious heat.
I see everyone is up to their usual intelligent banter. I love you guys.
So far, I’ve had one Indian and two (count ‘em!) two Asians call to try and get me to subscribe to medical journals. Our operator doesn’t even screen calls anymore, the lazy assed bitch.
Appropriate emoticon:
Today is the birthday of Oscar Wilde, according to NPR.
“I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.” — Wilde.
“work is the curse of the drinking class”-wilde
Good one, Cracka!
I also like “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” — Wilde.
here’s one for nun:
“America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.”
- Wilde
Why is that for me? That’s not about sex. Silly, Cracka.
because you hate america with the intensity of 1,000,000 burning redneck trailer courts.
I can think of nothing more decadent than a double wide trailer. Daddy, we sho is rich now!
I hate Americans, Cracka. The land in America has not caused me harm or misfortune in any kind of way so there is no reason to hate it. And I hate most people so hating Americans isn’t really that big of a deal.
Homo erectus is that dude in the Geico commercials, right? I hate those lame-ass commercials!
Sex with faeries? It’s been tried. They’ll lure you into a bog, and you drown. The moral of this: If you’re thinking of having anonymous sex, stay on high ground.
Double wides are always cozy. And trailer courts have the best displays of lawn ornaments. If you don’t have gnomes, you always have that busted Chevy and the dogs that sleep in its shade.
well, doesn’t that quote easily sum up a large portion of why you hate americans?
No, Americans are ugly curs, that’s why I hate them. Fugly bastards.
huh. but, aren’t you american?
i hate the half of america that is fat, lazy and stupid. i hate another 20% of america that is rich, ignorant and petty. of the remaining 30% most have bad taste in music or aren’t funny…hate worthy offenses. i probably really like 5% of people. but, that’s worldwide, not just stateside.
Nun,
you’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. Johnny Depp is American and you pretty much said you’d let him do whatever he wants to you, as you said Mulder could do if he just shut up. There where a bunch of Americans you’d bang, most of them aren’t even famous, just regular black guys with big dicks.
If only half of America was fat, lazy, and stupid we’d be in good shape. Trouble is, MOST of America is fat, lazy, and stupid. Well, maybe not lazy. Pirate McCain says we can install toilets with the best in the world.
Take Curtis’s secretary for instance. When she hears an Asian voice, she ought to say “fuck you” and hang up.
“Herrro may I speaka to Curis?” *click* “herro, herro? Curis?”
yeah, fucking asians!! worse than americans!!
Johnny Depp is American but lives in France.
so that means you would not have fucked him when he was on 21 Jump St, as he lived int he US!!!! LIES I tell you Lies!!!!
You’re va-jay-jay knows no immigration policy!!!!
Anne, I have instructed my secretary to do just that and tell them we hate them — but she’s got some kind of stupid “ethics” thing going on. Either that or she secretly hates me and does it on purpose. I’m going after that bitch!
Josh,
When did I say I wouldn’t fuck Americans? Where is this even coming from?
Straight-bash her, Curtis.
Usual day - raining, had to go to a satellite office and fix their hardware complaints, took one of everything I’d need, and a bunch of stuff I didn’t think I needed.
Got back, headed to the lunchroom, a couple of clinicans were talking to another about suicide - hers.
Just in time for lunch . . . the surgical department just submitted an amputated leg for an exam. It was taken off because of necrosis due to uncontrolled diabetes.
Gross.
Yo - that’s disturbing lunchroom talk.
Nun,
I thought you said you hate Americans because we’re ugly curs and fugly bastards, but you would fuck a few americans like Johnny Depp and others mentioned.
You had me second guessing my own reading comprehension!!!
Curtis, yes it is. I thought they were talking clinically about a client, but one of the clinicans has had troubles in the past. HIPAA be damned - the clinicians happily discuss their personal diagnoses, medications, history.
Curtis - I’d rather hear the suicide talk than see an amputated leg - ugh!
Josh,
I fuck fuglies too. I’m a really generous person like that. I won’t fuck Asians, I hate them.
Curtis,
What the fuck do you do???
Yo - in what industry do you work, if I might ask? Seems to be a few medical people here.
yeah, the leg is pretty nasty. The remaining toes are purplish black and there is a puss filled wound on the metatarsals. Definitely would not want to play “this little piggy”.
What?? TMI?
Nun
You fuck uglies? That means I still have a chance!!!
What does Curtis do? All day he dreams of having a big penis.
‘having’ a big penis”? Possessing one, or being possessed by one?
I’m out folks, got tickets to a taping Conan!!!
have a great weekend.
Nun,
Don’t fuck to many black dudes, leave some for Curtis
Curtis,
I like your name
Cracka,
Have fun at your gigs, and on Monday bring some white power hate to the blog you pastey bitch
yo yo,
Stay old and white my brotha!
Anne,
Fairies are fairy tales!
Ben,
Keep shutting up.
Later!
Curtis, I’m the I/T guy at a mental health counseling firm. I’m also an EMT.
Nun,
I’m the clinical laboratory director for a small hospital. I have a PhD in clinical microbiology and a BSc in clinical laboratory science. I’m also the infection control practitioner, the safety officer for the hospital, and in the evenings, I work in the gardens around the hospital. I suppose those are a few hats.
Belagh - nasty sounding leg! Do you have to slice it up for study?
Yo - cool! IT rules. My partner is a network administrator for the school district. He’s cisco certified, if that means anything to you. And an EMT? Wow! I have a lot of respect for you guys. That is one stressful job. You never know what you’re going to come up on.
Oh, and #389 — both please!
Yeah, we’ll section it to send to histology for processing. It’s pretty smelly too.
Josh,
NO!! You’re a big, fat Chinese guy! I hate you and your tiny Chinese peepee.
Curtis,
WOW!! All that and you’re gay. Props to you, Curtis.
That leg sounds pretty nasty though. I was eating tacos.
I’ll stop talking about the leg, Nun. Promise.
Yeah. It’s a pretty good gig. I like it here.
Where’s God? Has He forsaken us for poon? Is God off having a Divine Fuck Session? I wonder if God prefers mortal poon or goddess poon.
Nun, what is it that you do between killing fatties for God and having intercourse? If you don’t mind, that is.
No worries, Curtis. In all honesty, that shit doesn’t bother me. I could totally do Scully’s job. Except I’d be really pissed off about being turned into some alien’s guinea pig.
I masturbate for God, Curtis. Everything I do, I do for God. I love Him sooooo much.
Oh, wait… was that a serious question, Curtis?
It was, but I liked your answer. AND you took #400.
All hail to thee!
Josh - have a good weekend!
I manage, Curtis. Based on a previous rant, I hope you’ll understand if I don’t elaborate any further. I’m also a paranoid personality, in case you couldn’t tell.
If you’re my friend on Facebook I would probably be comfortable expanding on that more. I have a couple of friends on Facebook that I have no idea who they are.
I think Yo is secretly attracted to Josh. It makes sense, he’s married to a Native American, he likes those yellow/tan colored people.
wow, curtis “does things”. don’t you sometimes wish you could just be a loser in a band with minimal responsibility, curtis?
Sorry Nun, I don’t butter my bread on that side.
I am a freelance writer/substitute teacher. There are many days when I wish I could smell a festering dead leg in return for the salary that comes with it.
Speaking of smelly, I’ve got 3 foster kittens from the animal shelter. They’re only 4 weeks old and haven’t learned how to use cat litter yet. Gotta deal with that.
Nun, you masturbate for God? Wow! You really ARE a nun!
Ah, Nun. I completely forgot. My apologies. I’m not on facebook. I just don’t get it. I’m going to imagine, then, that you manage an Emu farm in Oklahoma and that all of your ranch hands are big strappin’ black men.
Anon, yes! That is my fondest wish. If only I had the chance, I gladly be a bass player and sing back up in a retro 80’s band. Closest I ever came to that was working in professional theater to pay my way through university.
Ah, this is by far the best part of my day, but I’ve got to go to the lab now and . . . you know.
Y’all take care and be good.
crap. i went to a new computer for a minute. anonymous is me…i am anonymous. DAMN EXISTENTIAL RAGE!! WHY, GOD, WHY?!!
Sorry, Anne, didn’t mean to dis you. I didn’t see your comment. I think teaching is one of the most honorable of professions and we certainly don’t pay enough respect. I respect anyone who can write and actually get paid for it. I try to write a blog from time to time and it is SO boring. You’d probably be surprised to realize that the pay in the medical field isn’t quite as good as you might think.
Okay, see y’all.
I recognized you right away, Cracka. Even anonymously, your hate is first rate.
Huh? You show up as uppity cracka, unibrow and all.
Whoops - I didn’t look back far enough.
Never mind.
I will eat your brains!
i work in a lab, too. but, i am not the director. i am the guy the director pees on when he/she is having a bad day. it’s not so bad once you get used to it, nun…being peed on that is. i also start IVs for the nurses because i’m good with needles. i wander the building looking for free food. i make smartass comments similar to the ones you read here. i post on blogs. i read ‘the media’. i write lyrics and short stories all day. i go home and get drunk and write songs. i only get paid for some of those things.
shut up, monkey.
crap. next time curtis is having a bad day he’s going to feel entitled to urinate on me now. oops.
Not into water sports, cracka?
don’t really get that one. some fetishes are marginally understandable. shoes? well they can make a woman’s feet look sexy instead of like, you know, feet. leather? speaks for itself, that one. human waste? ummmm…it smells like pee in here.
You guys would be surprised to know how many men love dressing in women’s clothing. The foot fetish is a pretty common one, believe it or not.
I would think the foot fetish would be easy to slake - just get a job at Payless Shoe.
As you say cracka, I never understood peeing or scatting fetishes either. If I lay Atlantic Cable on a woman’s pillow, would she get off on it?
Anne, have you thought of putting paper down in the tub? I’m sure you’re probably very experienced at taking care of young ones but when my old man was a baby he was a runt and litter would irritate his weewee so I’d put him in the tub with newspaper and he would go on the paper. Then I’d have to rescue him because he wasn’t able to get out by himself. I love my little old man so much!
And this will sound really corny but my real job is making sure that I raise a fine-standing young man. My other job is secondary in my priorities.
It’s best not to go into shoe stores and caress the shoes with one’s penis, Yo.
Now you tell me!
Shit! Has anybody here been paying attention to the economy or are we all trying to remain blissfully ignorant? My proclamations of doom are coming true!!
I’ve got firewood, a friend shot a moose and is giving me some meat, the root cellar is full, YoYoLand is ready.
nah. i wouldn’t worry about it. if der dude shows up with an escape plan we can all go to costa rica. if not, we can try to find our way to smoggy’s sheep bordello and ostrich egg emporium. if that’s too arduous a journey. it’s just a hop, skip and a jump to captain yoyo’s new england wilderness retreat. cabin life in northern minnesota is an option if you can stand hanging around a bunch of frozen stiff crackas for an eight month winter…which i can’t. but the walleye is delicious!!
Cracka, you and Josh can provide entertainment, maybe Nun as well…
Hey,
If we end up in some kind of heathen commune then I will most definitely be changing my status from ’slut’ to ‘whore’. Ain’t none of you bastards gettin’ my precious poon for free. Except for Ben.
As El Supremo YoYo, I get it for free.
No, you don’t. It’s my pussy and I’ll decide who gets what for free.
After cracka’s graphic descriptions, I don’t want it.
Economy tanks a little more, I’m gonna start charging for pussy use too. It’ll probably be all I have left to fall back on, after I sell the excess pain meds.
Good, Yo. I’d hate to have to tell your wife that you won’t keep your pervy hands off my vajayjay. I don’t want to feel guilty when she scalps you.
Anne,
Seriously!!
Speaking of Smoggy, he should be up and around any minute now. So let’s shower him with pre-arrival abuse.
Smoggy fucks sheep.
Okay, sue me. I’ve been writing all day, and I’m burnt out.
smoggy skins sheep and wears their pelts, faces and all, to lure sodomite sheep farmers into unnatural acts. baaaah! yeah, i know, it’s gross. but he’s the one who gets off on it, not me.
Smoggy licks sheeps pussy and likes it.
Smoggy donkey-punches sheep so he can feel that sheepy vagina clamp down on his human penis.
smoggy! how could you!!! i have half a mind to call whatever office masquerades as the humane society down there in wherever you live and turn you in…”hi. i’d like to report some inhumanity. yeah, i know this guy, smoggy batzrubble…donkey punches sheep and sheep punches donkeys.”
TO THE BAR WITH ME!!!!! (sushi and oyster bar) i’ve got a date…with my wife (and her friend) (i know what you’re thinking…and it ain’t gonna happen like that) stop using parentheses for no reason!!!!!
shut up, ben!
everybody else……………………………..fuck off as usual.
Cracka, it’s in Noo Ziiland, he’d probably get a letter of congratulations and television offers: Donkey Punching Sheep with Smoggy
Good luck on the date, cracka. Got some roofies, to help your luck?
Cracka has a wife!
MY CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST SISTER JUST TOLD ME SHE’S VOTING FOR OBAMA. GOD HAS INDEED CHOSEN THE NEW KING!
This is huge. Like, I’m talking Curtis’s dick huge. My sister has NEVER voted Democrat in her life!
I hope Scalia, Thomas, and Alito all have to retire due to venereal infections — now, in these first four years.
What’s really funny is he thought we’d assume that he’s going to fuck his wife and her friend. Hello!! We’re no fools, Cracka. We know you can’t even fuck your wife, much less her friend.
i have to wait for some russian chick to come take over.
yeah, johnson…i’m married to mrs. cracka. this shit ain’t real ya know.
yoyo, i don’t need roofies with my own wife. i just have to do some laundry and fill the dishwasher.
DAMN YOU, NUN!!!!!!!!!!!
Alito = bought and paid for sand nigger.
You are a most unworthy adversary, Cracka.
The fucking KKK has fliers in an Oklahoma paper. WHAT THE FUCK!?! People who say racism doesn’t exist are ignorant, blind fools!
I’d post a link but you know…
Oh Cracka … I know there are women out there who cream their jeans over a unibrow like yours. And you’re such a bright shade of yellow! (Maybe you drink too much. Watch the liver!)
Cracka does laundry! I’ll shag him myself!
My ears were burning…and then my eyeballs exploded and my nose fell off…and I couldn’t think why…and then I realised it was because you were all talking about me…heh…I felt the love.
WTF Yo Yo! You know about my TV series??!! Next month we’re having McCain on for a special “arse grab the nigger” spot. We don’t have any real niggers so we’re going to substitute a black sheep. (I like using the N word ‘cos I know how it makes all you liberal pseud’s in the USA squirm). We have a lamentable shortage of people of African descent down here (should have had slavery!).
Nun, way back to #424 - that is the most cool statement I’ve heard in a very long time. You brought a tear to my little pink eight pointed (what ever we are) eye. Damn, girl - you go!
Yeah Smoggy, your new show is getting a lot of buzz on the ILUVSHEEP forums. There was a rumour Nun was going to put on a sheep pelt and go Baaah, but I firmly put a stop to it.
Did you have to pee in a bathtub too, Curtis.
Yo Yo has no power over me!!
I’ve seen those forums, Yo. There’s some weird shit on those things. Highly …. uhm …… interesting.
Apparently, the weasels in the KKK stick their dirty fliers in after the papers are delivered: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/marmar/9325
Nun, HA!! You got me!
Whatever happened to our Weasel.
I wonder about these sheep ♥ers - what weird thing happened to them to make them ♂ sheep? Are they so butt-ugly they can’t get laid?
Completely random but I want to talk to Curtis about my little man… he was the only one in a tie at my grandma’s funeral. My family is trash.
Heh, try the Character Map in Windows, Nun.
Not all of them work.
♫שׁ♣☻⅜۞
Too much trouble. I’d rather select from this convenient list right in front of my face. The only one I really like is this one
OOO OOO AAA AAA!!!
I wish the KKK would deliver a flyer here so that I could put it in with the kittens. Except then I guess I would raise racist kittens, and the animal shelter won’t give me any more fosters.
#424 Nun: It ain’t easy, but it’s gotta be done. You sound like you’re doing it right.
Evil Monkey? *yawn*
Smoggy! I heard the n word so much growing up in the South that I got bloody tired of it! I won’t even let my students say it, and for them it’s an everyday term of endearment.
I was glad when they integrated the public pool, because then it wasn’t crowded any more. The white moms wouldn’t let their kids swim with the ns. (Except for my mom, who needed the time alone to turn tricks.)
Nun–Smoggy will take a break from his mission to be remembered as the world’s most nefarious sheep-shagger to concur wholeheartedly. Whatever else I do or don’t do–nothing is more important than doing my best for my kids. They’re three very cool people–and give me hope that whatever else I and my generation fuck up, the world might have a chance-of-sorts in their hands. We’re a bit old fashioned–they get drilled on politeness, respect for adults, the golden rule etc–but around that they’ve got lots of flexibility to be themselves, and they’re all different, which makes it so much more fun. You will find this hard to believe coming from Smoggy–but I have yet to hear one of them swear (and I listen out in hope). It’s not like we’ve stamped down on it, and they know all the words because their friends swear, but they just don’t seem to do it. In contrast to my little children-of-atheists, my brother’s kid, who says his prayers every night, can get vile when he wants to. I should add, of course, that all credit for anything good about them belongs to Mrs Smoggy.
so, Mrs. Smoggy is a sheep right? And your children are all sheep-human hybrids? No wonder they’re so good. They spend all day eating grass and growing wool
Smoggy, you’re a better man than me. I’ve got two daughters. One is a gem, the other is a pip.
… but even the pip is a Democrat, so there you go.
Smoggy,
My kid doesn’t swear either! Can you believe that fucking shit?? And it’s the same with me, my sister’s kids swear and they’re so immersed in Baptist hypocrisy that they’re drowning in it.
My little man is an avid reader and very, very curious about everything. He loves science and animals and I couldn’t be more proud of him. My only regret for him is he’s red-green color-blind and will not be able to be a pilot.
and he’s a loser!!
Ha! Snap nun. My second is red-green color blind as well–not that I think he intends to go flying. My oldest is science-mad–determined to be a biologist. My youngest is her daddy’s Princess. I’m an old-fashioned father–I know all her boyfriends will be as awful as I was–no matter how superficially polite they pretend to be they’re just dirty-minded little hormone sumps with one thought on their minds. That said, she already controls her two older brothers, so any man who tries to go out with her is going to suffer. And if she doesn’t make them suffer I will (evil chuckle)!
God’s Hate will be my hate.
Fuck off Benny–you dog’s ringpiece.
He is a loser!! I don’t love him until he wins!! Come to think of it, I’m not proud of him at all!
.
.
.
Smoggy,
Your daughter will be the death of you in her teen years. You realize this, don’t you?
absofuckinglutely
Smoggy,
YOUR DAUGHTER WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU IN HER TEEN YEARS. Sign it, bank it, and invest in Rogaine.
The only thing keeping my 14-year-old from ruling the world like Lex Luthor is a little bit of iron hand from Mr. Johnson. Unlike the rest of you lucky fucks, my 14-year-old sounds like a parrot who spent too much time in the Merchant Marines. If the F-bomb was radioactive, I’d be bald and have cancer.
This little blot on humanity thinks she lives in the Hilton Hotel. Wherever something falls out of her hand, that’s where it stays. Conversely, if she wants it, it’s hers. Makeup, jewelry, clothing, ball point pens, forget it. HERS.
She doesn’t smoke or drink. Yet. But the first thing she asked about older daughter’s college was, “Are there Greeks?” Not fuckin Zeus. SHE’S ALREADY PLANNING TO PLEDGE A FUCKIN SORORITY, AND SHE’S HARDLY PASSING FRESHMAN BIOLOGY.
Okay. Okay. Deep breath. Flesh and blood and all that. Some day I’ll need her to help me find the cheapest and dirtiest nursing home in New Jersey, so there will be more money left over for HER.
This is your brain:
This is your brain with a 14-year-old daughter:
Any
I’m tempted to leave 20 consecutive comments on motherhood, but I have biology homework. Not my own, of course. HERS.
She’s in a play up at the school. Wearing MY MAKEUP.
… because HER makeup is at her friend’s house! She left it there.
Taking notes, Smoggy? The trick to raising a teenage daughter is to say YES all the time. Otherwise … well … look at God’s wallpaper. THAT’S YOUR LIFE WITH A TEENAGE DAUGHTER!
Ha! You and nun have confirmed what I always expected–it won’t be my problem! My daughter is the image of her mother–in looks and in temperament. When the irresistible force meets the immovable object I shall sit quietly on the sidelines, impartial and understanding, ready to be loved by all when the mushroom cloud has dissipated and the radiation settled.
Smoggy, Nun, Anne,
I think it’s terrific that y’all have kids and even with all the trials and tribulations, ups and downs, you all are quite fortunate to have such a blessing. Appreciate them.
I’ve often wondered what kind of daddy I might have been if that would have ever happened.
I think I would have been a pretty poor one.
I would have pushed them and forced them to excel in every way possible. I would have made them take piano lessons and read poetry, and go to college - like it or not. I would have made them try new things, turn off the TV and read, work in the garden, find a skill, do community service, and understand math.
I’m sure they would have lots to tell their therapists. I suppose it’s a good thing that this old fagot never had any kids.
Mostly, I’m kind of envious that I won’t ever be contributing my DNA to the future generations.
You all are quite blessed. Don’t forget that.