Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Hello My children. On the advice of Jesus, who is rather tech savvy, I signed up for a couple of social networking sites last night. I set up a new profile at Twitter, where I plan on just posting little updates on what I’m doing, or ‘tweets’ as they are called. Sounds pretty lame to Me. But who knows, it might be fun. I need some fun.
I also set up a profile at the blasphemous website Atheist Nexus, where I plan on finding baby-eating atheists to smite. I might even try and convince a few into believing in Me. I do like a challenge.
And in the future I will likely setup profiles on both MySpace and Facebook as well. Although Jesus says only dirty minorities use MySpace anymore…so…yeah. Maybe I’ll just skip that one.
CARIDAD on 
Naytheist on 
Daily updated photo galleries of erotic nude girls and the hottest nude models. Home to the most beautiful young women and the biggest and best erotic art site on the web. Whether you like photos of young nude teens that are totally shaved, or older wome on 
Travis on 
Fuck that trash on 
Almighty God, I don’t want to interfere with your publicity drive, but we have another problem at the Pearly gates.
CHINESE BABIES!
Half a dozen of them creeching and puking moloko everywhere. What do I do? I can’t understand them. They’ve never heard of you. Where will I put them? I wish you hadn’t let your latest Pope “Benny the Rat” close down Limbo!
I’d never have done that when I was Pope (actually, I didn’t have Limbo when I was Pope).
BTW I belong to Facebook, and I don’t think Jesus knows everything…
atheist nexus
so now you can hear tunes from
oprah’s vajayjay
Our Father who is in heaven,
One of your followers (madlolscientist) on Twitter is also following some other poser God (almightygod). What gives?
Weird catmantoad, I though Oprah’s vajayjay had an arm with a gun and threatened to kill her, but then again, Messrs Parker and Stone are just trying to be funny and failing many many times.
I’m amazed about Palin’s email - I didn’t realize they had computers in Alaska!
Also, I thought her email address would be MooseWoman@yahoo.com.
lol….i LOVE that picture God. absolutely fucking hilarious post.
God,
Will you except McCain’s friend request?
Wait - Pat Robertson is missing from the picture! Isn’t he a friend of yours, God? Oh, wait a minute. He’s a twit, not a Twitterer.
Never Mind.
No Josh. I will not be accepting McCain as a friend. Not now…NOT EVER! He has only ever pretended to be in love with Me to further his political goals. His continued existence is his punishment.
Almighty Lord
It is wonderful to see the atheist filth squirm at your revelation. Now they can live out their miserable lives anticipating sulphurous damnation in the hereafter.
The only thing better is your shafting of that foul, cluster-fucking harridan Palin.
Verily your ways are wise and wonderful (and technologically cutting-edge).
God, Saint Peter here again, down at the Pearly Gates.
Some squitty little Englishman is here towing a piano. He says his name is Rick Wright and wants to know whether he can come and join the great gig in the sky. I don’t have a fucking clue what he’s talking about… “What?” … [hold on God].
Now I’m really confused… he’s going on about someone or something called Pink Floyd. Why can’t the Brits speak English? Shall I let him in or not?
I can see why God would want a twitter — the better to smite quickly. But for us boring people, it’s just … boring.
However, God, if you set up a Facebook, will you be my friend? I can network you with lots of Druids. It should be fun to watch you try to smite the un-smiteable!
anne johnson, you do realize that druidism is just as ridiculous as any other ism, right? i mean, you’re just doing it for fun. ridiculous.
FACE-ism!
cracka, I, myself, am a Frisbeanist.
I believe when I die, my soul becomes a Frisbee.
Then Jesus throws it up on the garage roof.
Nun, I saw this, and thought of you:
http://www.atheistnexus.org/photo/photo/show?id=2182797%3APhoto%3A98582
I have tried Twitter some time ago. I still haven’t figured it out. Guess it’s just for gods.
God said: “But who knows, it might be fun. I need some fun.”
You all are selfish, selfish mortals. Nobody even cares that there seems to be turmoil in our most favorite Deity’s life right now.
Yesterday Jesus made a reference to His Dad coming home and now we see that God just wants to have some fun because He needs some fun.
GOD IS DEPRESSED!
This saddens me to no end. You would think that God would be amused by all the horror and fear that is running rampant in the lives of Americans(I did not include the Chinese because they probably don’t even care that they’re killing their babies) right now but no, He does not seem amused at all. He seems sad for some Divine reason that us mere mortals cannot even begin to comprehend. Show some consideration for your Lord, people!!
God,
I love You and I hope You can perform some kind of smiting that gives You the Divine Fun that You desire and brings a Divine Smile to Your Divine Face. If not, You can always try hitting the earthly rollercoasters with Gabriel and a splif.
cracka, I’ll have the last laugh when you get whacked by the Salmon of Wisdom.
Yo,
I would kill myself if I had that many children. Actually, I’d probably kill myself because my vagina and uterus would have fallen out with the last spawn and I wouldn’t want to live as some vaginaless and uterusless freak.
Nun, I gotta wonder about the Religiot and his Stepford wife - how can they feed and clothe and love that many kids?
And as you say, her vayjay should have worn out or fallen out looong ago!
sure, johnson. what’s with religious fanatics thinking they’ll have the last laugh in the end when we all find out they were right the whole time? okay. delusions of grandeur much?
They get by with the help from their church. That’s how all those multiple children families get by. They birth a flock and then God’s flock takes care of them. Never mind that overpopulation is a very real issue. Never mind that you could misplace two or three kids and probably not realize they were missing for weeks. Never mind that they can probably assimilate people like the Borg. Those kinds of families give me the heeby-jeebies.
Cracka,
Heaven’s Gate was probably right and we’re all stuck here living in Purgatory and don’t even know it.
i’ll have the salmon of wisdom with capers and wild rice stuffing.
Very good sir. Would you like a side order of knowledge?
is that knowledge freshly picked from the tree of life?
Hey. I don’t get this Twitter. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
just put it in your vagina, nun.
Dudes!! Check Margaret Cho’s blog… Man, she should post here if she doesn’t already.
Sir, our Knowledge is fresh-picked every morning by a snake.
sounds delicious! say, this unleavened bread you brought out tastes a lot like divine flesh. can you recommend a wine to complement it?
cracka, if Nun put it in her vagina, would we call it twatter?
An excellent choice, sir. We recomment our house wine: “Blood of Christ”. It’s a hearty, deep wine, suited to Sunday morning brunch or a tailgate party Sunday afternoon.
twatter! ha! great, now my keyboard smells like rotten salmon of wisdom.
Druidism isn’t a “the rest of you are going to hell” kind of religion. We just have great picnics and hug trees.
There’s naked dancing too. Well, sometimes there’s naked dancing.
Fair warning, though, cracka. If you keep crackin on the Salmon of Wisdom, your next fishing trip’s gonna be one big, fat, wasted day.
Yeah. How could I forget the naked dancing? Tits flopping in every direction, big johnsons throbbing … can I get an amen?
AMEN!!
where do i sign up? to me, fishing is drinking in a boat. so, yeah, i guess you could say it’s a wasted trip.
Nun,
Thank you for your concern. I am in fact having some trouble in My personal life at the moment, which is probably why I’m looking for fun on stupid boring-ass social sites like Twatter. You seem to be the only one around here who cares about Me at all.
I’m not sure what it is….it’s a general malaise, really. All the old things that used to make Me happy just don’t anymore. How many times can you smite humans before it begins to get old? Why am I always forced to smite people? Why am I always so angry?! Why am I forced to use queer social networking websites to try and make friends?! Why doesn’t every human love Me already?
Truth be told, sometimes I ponder killing Myself and letting you all sort out this mess yourselves. I never will, of course, I’m just saying that sometimes that thought pops into My Head.
aahhhh…..fuck everything.
Wowzer, sounds like God’s have a bad Day. Maybe You need a hobby? Ever tried fishing? Cracka may have an opening on his boat. And if You run out of beer, either have Jesus turn some water into beer, or walk over the water to the nearest store.
God, can we talk? You need a new religion. A break from smiting, a rest from spurring Mormons to ruin everyone’s Saturday morning. For an overly aggressive deity such as yourself, I suggest Transcendental Meditation.
Imagine the look on the yogi’s face when God Almighty shows up for a seminar.
I don’t think cracka wants God in his boat. Look what happened to Jonah. Cracka takes God fishing, the next thing you know, a storm blows up and Cracka gets swallowed by the Salmon of Wisdom (instead of vice versa).
HAH! I WAS JUST KIDDING! LOOK AT YOU! LOOK HOW FOOLISH YOU ARE! YOU THOUGHT I WAS BEING SERIOUS! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I have never been happier!
I LOVE SMITING YOU STUPID BASTARDS! IT BRINGS ME EXQUISITE RAPTUROUS JOY! DIE HEATHEN SCUM!! 
God,
I have some thoughts as to why You might be in the unhappy state that You’re in but to voice such suspicions would possibly violate Your Divine Privacy. Just keep that Handsome Divine Chin up, all things must come to an end… even those things that make us miserable. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.
I do have a most humble suggestion for You, God… try the new “Force Unleashed” Star Wars game… it’s wicked cool, God!!!!
God said: “You seem to be the only one around here who cares about Me at all.”
I do believe that’s true, God… please remember that next time You want to take away the sweet chiba that You blessed me with.
God faced us.
Tricked by God.
What about non-heathen scum?
I feel so disheartened and used.
God doesn’t love us at all. He just likes to play with our mortal emotions.
Why would He kill non-heathens? He loves them. Oh, wait… bitter, spiteful and mean God… yeah, He would kill them too just for the fun of it.
Did he really face us? I think I figured out God’s problem!
Check this out:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28484
Not that I’m reading his posts or these comments or anything.
shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup
Uppity, I’m impressed!
Oh my god! I don’t think any of us should ever give Ben shit again. The man is a fucking genius for being bold enough for passing along God’s mental problems.
That certainly does explain so much, doesn’t it, Ben?
sounds to me like God really is very depressed and he’s just trying to hide it by saying he was joking. you know, like everything john mccain says wrong, he just says he was joking.
‘Shut up’ and its variants is a registered ®, copyrighted © trademark of cracka, Inc.
did somebody say my name?? ack ack ack
Damn, faced by God.
Where’s Lucifer when you need him?
a division of unpleasant jew global systems.
God FACES us everyday. Stubbed your toe? God did it, either by making it happen or allowing it to happen. Raped? God. Child starved? God. Born as Ben? All God.
God smites and we are smitten (why do you think smitten can mean you got the beat down or you’re in love? - because God kicks our ass and we should love him for it).
To think that God was depressed you guys are suckers, He’s all powerful, if something got on His heavenly nerves He’d just kill it, or allow it to be captured by the Vietcong, tortured so that it’s arms don’t go all the way up and it can’t wipe it’s own ass. That’s how God rolls.
Benny hit the nail on the head. I still say it might be good for God to try TM. Or depakote, whichever He prefers.
Well, on to other projects. I’m going to see if I can grind candy corn into flour.
I hope it’s a better success than my baked beanbag chair.
I can wipe my own ass.
more lies McCain.
John why did you call your wife a cunt?
John, can you find your own ass?
I never called Cindy a cunt.
yes you did. you said, “come in here and wipe my ass, you cunt.”
more lies McCain
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/07/report-mccains-profane-ti_n_95429.html
Hey John, Greetings from the Evil Empire. Darth Vader says hi.
Wow. McCain, you’re a real asshole but at least you realize your wife is a cunt and a trollop.
and an asswiper.
She has to, Yo. Consider the possibilities if she doesn’t… she walks around with an old man who smells like he just pooped his diaper because he can’t even wipe the shit off his own ass.
somebody get this shit off my ass! when i’m president everyone will wipe the shit off my ass! and like it!
when asked about this on the campaign trail McCain did not deny it, he just refused to answer the question.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOl4iT46Eec
Ugh, that’s true, Nun. Can’t she install an automatic bidet in his recliner, so when he sits down, he gets an AutoAssWash?
cracka, everyone cleans the president’s ass. We’ve spent the last 250 years picking his dingleberries from between our teeth and hoping we don’t get an STD.
Did John McCain invent the Dingleberry?
God created the dingleberry, that’s what He calls humans. He’s a mean and spiteful God.
so, by the transitive property of bullshit, john mccain is God?
I have no problem with that.
John McCain is not God, God can use a blackberry.
Just like Justin Timberlake, I’ve decided to bring sexy back.
Unfortunately, I lost the receipt.
Just a random statement.
God, aren’t you overextending yourself?
Here’s a random statement: A million monkeys typing on a million typewriters might produce all the old classics, but more than likely, you’ll just get a whole lot of monkey dung.
Yo yo,
you just described the writing process for Family Guy.
family guy makes me laugh more often than josh does.
FACE
balls
maybe so cracker, but it could be worse. remember that time I went to Mexico with Gary Coleman on a date?
no, that was a wet dream you had.
josh is a…???
..sweet, caring and sensitive man?
who puts long hard objects in his…???
…wife’s rectum.
while she is…
begging him not to.
Jesus cracka, out of all the people here I thought you’d get my reference to South Park when they FACED Family Guy. But alas, you so want me to be gay you can’t help but bring it up.
Cracka is a……..flamboyant puerto rican homo, the most outrageous kind.
Cracka has a big ol’ crush on you, Joshie. He wants you to stick your peenie in his bunghole.
Josh, I don’t watch much television can you explain the South Park/Family Guy reference?
caracak, is it true? Do you want Josh’s throbbing Python of Love up your Pulsating Puckered Pooper?
Say it aint so!
caracak=cracka. I am self-efFacing.
i’d rather not, thanks. virgin pooperholes poop better.
i thought of that episode when i read it. but decided to call you unfunny anyway.
Please, if you do put together a facebook, be sure to post a link up here, because you will need friends… even if they don’t technically believe in you.
and josh, the new game is that you start the sentence and let someone else finish it.
not say i am something divided by a few of these: …..
poor slow retention josh is part retarded and part…???
… cracka fucker…
…midget vayjay spelunker…
In public, Cracka often will…
… grab other guy’s junk…
or…
… grap other guys’ junk…
LOL!
Oh FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK MEEEEE! I just became God’s follower on Twitter! The Druids will never forgive me!
In private, cracka often will …
get ripped on God’s Divine Blog…
by druid whores…
… who shove faggots up his bum…
… grab other guy’s junk…
My shoving skills are rusty.
and put it in his ear.
… and teach Anne how to play this game..
… because she’s retarded.
yo yo,
There was an ep of south park where cartman called Family guy on it’s BS. Now family guy is funny, but they are so random that it hurts.
check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhY4gCr0j_w&feature=related
and yoyo,
ep is short for episode.
Cracka,
Yo isn’t retarded like you and Anne. On a lighter note, God loves you both but hates your parents. Haha.
ahhhhh…classic moment…
..Special times…special times.
URP!
“ep is short for episode.”
Good thing ya told me cracka - ‘Extended Play’, ‘Extreme Power’ (a retreat for churches in MN) and ‘Extended Penetrator’ were the only things that came to mind.
or Explosive Pooping - thanks, John.
Does anyone else think that John McCain may have suffered a stroke recently?
He doesn’t look so well.
Don’t worry - we’ve got Palin able and experienced, rady to take over.
I think he looks like crap because we compare him to Palin’s (relative) youth, he seems older, seedier, senile.
Also, he likes to stare at her ass when she’s at the podium.
Me, too!
alzheimer’s-the first thing you’ll notice is an inability to retain recently learned information. for instance, i’m sure his handlers prep him on how to insinuate the lie without having to straight up LIE. you know, political nuance. so, all he remembers is that he is supposed to lie. he heads out to the podium and starts saying the crap he’s supposed to be insinuating through the nuance of carefully constructed language. every 5 years after 65 the risk for alzheimer’s doubles.
ICK!
almost forgot: i’d do her.
Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton in a catfight…schwiiing!
Sometimes I have to give myself a couple of jolts in the nutsack with a cattle prod to calm down.
God, you should get an account on dwigger (click my name) so people can discuss and vote on your twitters. I definitely would.
I wouldn’t fuck SP with Nun’s boxed dick!
How old are you, Der Dude? It might make a difference.
How about Condy Rice?
I’d let my horse fuck Sarah Palin.
Then I’d take pictures and post them all over the internet. That’s just how I roll.
Yo-yo, I’m 50 fuckin’ years old!
Oooh, Nun, can we dress your horse to look like a moose?
Huh - I’m 48, thought you might not have been in the same age range.
Well, that theory’s shot down.
I’d keep her pie-hole shut, so I wouldn’t have to listen to her babble.
Sarah Palin hot?!? Oh come on now. She’s shrill, irritating, and mean. I mean she shoots carrabu from a helicopter. Jesus, the only thing that woman won’t kill is a down syndrome fetus.
Holy shit! Dude, you’re 50?!? You seem so much younger than that. Yo seems so much older.
And yes, Yo… we can dress my horse up like a moose. He won’t like the antlers but he never likes it when I make him roleplay.
curtis. as a gay man, it’s not surprising you don’t understand the straight male mind. here’s how it works, is she female? yes. is she presentable and/or am i drunk? yes. that’s the end of the qualifications exam.
Look at it this way, after cracka and I double-feature her on the front lawn of the White House, she won’t be able to run for chairman of a bake sale, let alone VP of the USA.
Curtis, I thought you played for the other team, so would you know what’s hott? (Not mocking/trolling, just curious)
dude seems young because his name is dude.
Those are pretty high standards, Cracka. I’d have to be REALLY drunk.
“Yo seems so much older.”
Yeah, it’s my world-weary air of dignity. Or is it my limp noodle?
What’s wrong with being 50? My kids are out of the house, I don’t owe a lot of money to anyone, I’m still reasonably healthy and Lord knows I’m not troubled by any testosterone anymore.
Yo, obviously I don’t. Still, I do like to look at titties.
Dude, you don’t look a day over 30.
Titties ‘n beer, titties ‘n beer!
Yeah, my name definitely is not too original.
Yo Yo, Is that the Frank Zappa version of Titties-n-Beer?
Yo,
It’s your constant references to adult diapers. Air of mystery, dude, air of mystery.
Dude,
Nothing at all… I’m just surprised because you don’t talk about incontinence like Yo does.
As for Curtis and being gay and the fuckability of women. As a card-carrying fag-hag, I can assure each and every one of you that gay men do recognize attractive females, they just don’t want to fuck them. They want to go shopping with them.
I miss Frank a lot.
Dude, yeah, the very short version.
Nun said, “you don’t talk about incontinence like Yo does.”
Well, I say go with your strengths and interests.
well, “attractive” and “i’d do her” fall into different categories. see, attractive means “i’d date her”. hot means “girlfriend”. beautiful means “possible wife”. while i’d do her means “i’d do her”.
Nun, Marshal Field is having a sale!! Let’s go!
Watersports, Yo? Gross. I thought I was a freak.
I miss Frank too. I wonder if he’s kicking it old school with Carlin or if he’s partying with Lucifer and Lennon.
Anytime, Curtis. Just remember that I’m a fag-hag so the whole time you’re having a great time, I’m going to be bored. However, unlike a lot of fag-hags, I’m not a landmass.
Cracka,
None of those terms are applicable to straight guys. Straight guys look at women and think “fuckable” or “non-fuckable”. Don’t try to make it sound like you straighties have depth.
Nun, I want to be your gay boyfriend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT1e3aj7irU
I see him bent over a mixing board, smoking Winstons and eating 2 day old pizza. Which I think for him, is heaven.
no, we use start using those terms sometime in our late 20s. when we realize we don’t HAVE to fuck everything that moves anymore.
Do you think Bridgette has a face book page?
LOL!! I love that video, Curtis. I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise that I’ve seen it before. Just beware that I hate to cuddle.
Cracka,
You may have come to that conclusion in your 20s but I’m afraid it’s just your tiny pee-pee… most guys never come to that conclusion.
Dude,
Add writing his name in the snow with his pee and then you do have his heaven. Rest easy, Frank.
Yes!!!! This is one I know, I know Anne Harris the blonde girl in The Hazzards who sing Gay Boyfriend! She actually helped me get the break that put me on TV!
I have her email and everything Nun!!! Finally someone I know and not someone who knows someone I know!!!!!
nun, again with the tiny penis thing? if it was funny, we would have laughed the first time. why don’t you go run a squeedgy across your labia? they’re drooling again.
keep her greasy so she goes down easy, frank.
way to go, josh!!! i’m still going to kill you!!!
Yay, Josh!
Anne works at Comedy Central!
I’ve auditioned in front of her a few times.
Whoa!! You know her, Josh? So, you really are gay, huh?
On a serious note, tell her that’s a great fucking video and song.
Sorry, Cracka. I try not to laugh at guys with tiny peenies so no, I wasn’t trying to be funny.
God hasn’t been around for awhile. I hope He didn’t kill Himself.
Here’s some lyrics from an a cappella group called ‘DaVinci’s Notebook’:
Whenever life gets you down,
keeps you wearing a frown,
and the gravy train has left you behind…
and when you’re all out of hope,
down at the end of your rope,
and nobody’s there to throw you a line…
If you ever get so low
that you don’t know which way to go
come on and take a walk in my shoes…
Never worry ’bout a thing
got the world on a string
Cause I’ve got the cure for all of my blues.
(CHORUS)
I take a look at my enormous penis
and my troubles start melting away.
I take a look at my enormous penis
and the happy times are coming to stay.
I gotta sing and I dance
when I glance in my pants
and the feeling’s like a sunshiney day…
I take a look at my enormous penis
and everything is going my way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9iiU6NDxIo
You’re going to make Cracka feel inferior, Yo.
Tell me about Frank…
God–I’ve got an old couple going at it like dogs, right out in front of the Pearly Gates.
This fat old woman in a wedding dress turns up and tells me her name’s Marilyn Fithian and she wants her honeymoon night. Before I can say “Que?”, that old sex-worker guy, Willy Hartman (you know, the one who is always trying to watch the angels fucking) comes racing out, completely naked, clutching a huge boner in both hands. And then it’s all on…
What do I do God? (At least their banging has stopped the Chinese babies crying for a while).
Holy shit!!!!
God is good. Tonight’s ep of South Park was the Family guy one. That’s divine.
And omniscient and omnipotent!
south park tearing family guy a new asshole = awesome.
hope the new season kicks ass….there’s so much fucking current events material!
Josh and Smoggy - you’re welcome!
God, there’s another homosexual at the Pearly Gates. I know you don’t like faggots who practice anal sex, but this little guy seems quite sweet. Besides, he’s carrying this really nice kaleidoscope thing, and we could do with a little color and ambience around Heaven. Can I let him in please God? Pretty please? He says his name John Burnside. He’s wearing a badge that says he’s a Radical Faerie–is that a new sort of angel?
Perhaps we could start up a Heavenly version of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?
Pete
You let him in and you pick up the tab tonight. Shátain is doing some show with Mother Teresa so expect the pints to keep coming.
Sláinte.
Another Party Padraig? I bet they won’t let me off gate duty for that one either.
Can you slip down with a couple of pints of guinness? I’ve got a box of Cuban stogies here.
Cubans?
Who had cubans?
Ha… I’ve had them since ‘67.
Guevara had a whole box stuffed down his pants. God was going to send him to hell for being a communist–but he slipped me the box and I let him in the side gate.
He’s got a small cafe with good coffee, down in the Seraphim’s quarter. He knows to keep a low profile.
Peter - you know My policy. If they’ve had sex through the back door, they’re not getting in through Heaven’s front.
Smoggy Batzrubble, were you asking about Frank Zappa?
http://www.hotshotdigital.com/WellAlwaysRemember.3/FrankZappaBio.html
Nun said: “You’re going to make Cracka feel inferior, Yo.”
Then my work here is done.
Hey, where’s Lucifer?
My forces have surrounded Satanus and have him cornered in hell at the moment. The final battle beckons!
Go, God!
Do you mind if I take some videos for YouTube? I’ll offer them to all the major news outlets, God getting the lion’s share of the profits.
Zappa was a fucking genius. So was Jim Henson.
The Dark Crystal rules!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzgVPB5dpgg
shut up, cooper.
This is blasphemous but I don’t actually like The Dark Crystal.
200!!! SMoggy Looses again
Don’t like the Dark Crystal!!!!!! It was the first non animation movie to not have one human visible on screen.
I feel bad for Saint Peter. He’s stuck at the gate and has repeatedly asked for assistance to no avail. The poor guy pissed himself. God’s running around Earth trying to avoid his Divine duties… that’s right, God, screw Your Divine Privacy! God’s on Earth! He was at Disneyland yesterday but He should go back to Heaven… Jesus needs His Father.
Josh,
It’s genius film-making, it really is. For some reason my first viewing did not go well and I’ve never sat through another viewing. Shame on me, I know.
when smoggy wakes up to see he missed out on 200 he’s going to have to chronically fuck sheep all day to numb the pain.
die, josh.
ben, shut up.
nun, you’re a whore.
yoyo, you’re old.
anne, your religion is pretend.
peter, your joke is longwinded.
smoggy, your country is weird.
cracka, you have a tiny penis.
curtis, you have sex with dudes.
Vote for me! The other guy is black!
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
yooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu
cracka feeling cranky?
(And who was Cranky? The eighth dwarf? Why was cracka feeling his junk?)
Jeez. Why is everybody so mean to Josh? No wonder he thinks we all hate him. Everybody else gets insulted; or in Smoggy’s case, his country; but Josh is given a direct order to die.
I may be old, but I’ve learned some things:
1) Never get in a spitting contest with a llama.
Do not doubt your Magic Eight Ball.
2) Projectile vomiting rarely gets you a return invitation anywhere.
3) Hyenas laugh because they know what’s coming next.
4) Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot less fun than nearly anything else.
5) Calling your mother and pretending to be an encyclopedia salesman doesn’t go over too well.
6) The prime motivation for all human behavior is the need to feel superior to someone else.
7) He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance.
9)Once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is an enemy action. (Harry Lime)
10) The words “My” “Rash” “See” and “Wanna” don’t go well together in a sentence.
“Josh is given a direct order to die.”
Nun, this actually shows our love! We wish Josh to leave this sad, evil world, and go to live with God!
The number 8 and the right parenthesis make a cool lookin’ dude.
Der Dude should use it for his sig.
But God wants him to shut up and thinks he fails at life… do you think God will let him live with Him?
Dude should… Dude is a really cool dude. Even if he is older than the dirt in my yard. HAHAHA!! I’m kidding, Dude. I’m not much younger than you and Yo although I think I’m closer to Cracka.
Hmmm…Josh will live in the Northwest section of Heaven, it’s not as nice as Central (the streets are only paved with white gold), and God rarely visits.
From the sounds of it, God has abandoned Heaven.
Cracka, #205 - You hurt daddy when you talk like that.
i’m better now.
this morning sucked.
pissed off patients.
coworkers who don’t speaky the english so good.
(stupid ethnics)
everyone in the building thinks i’m the only guy who can start an IV on fat people.
josh keeps clinging to his “right” to live.
(stupid joshes)
so, nun is an old lady? i knew it!!
Well, Cracka, it is Friday - you on this weekend?
cracka #205: I thought I was the whore. Shit, now I’ve gotta go job-hunting again! Thanks a lot.
there’s plenty of whoreness to go around, heretic.
Anne,
Your vagina has no diary entries so alas, you are not a whore. Better luck next time.
What happens in my vagina stays in my vagina.
Josh, if these mean people make you die, you can go to Druid heaven. There are wonderful deities there … and fairies. Not Curtis fairies, real fairies. Although Curtis would probably love the way the real fairies dress.
johnson’s vagina has more hissing tongues and eyeballs than medusa’s head.
it’s kind of like a desert tarantula buried in the sand with its hairy legs and fangs ready to poison and ingest whatever desparate penis unkowingly crosses its path.
Nun,
you get me and Ben confused. He thinks people dont like him. Me I only care if you like me, and you’ve said you so all is right in my world.
Cracka’s shipment of yayo was a little short so his boss Don Pedro wasn’t too happy. Just watch Stand and Deliver and believe that you spanish people can be anything (when in fact we know the movie is fiction)
cracka you nun vagina joke peaked at briar patch, every time you tell a new one it takes away from the glory of the original. You’re Ben-ing up your own joke.
cracka crossed my path but didn’t leave any tracks in the sand. That’s how small he is.
you I mean “your nun vagina joke” Him Damn it!
I’m sorry, Josh. I do that all the time with the two of you. I’m surprised you both don’t hate me.
Stand and Deliver is a good film.
See, Cracka!! It wasn’t sour grapes, you’re seriously running the joke into the ground.
you mean “i mean”
face!
josh’s vagina is like a watermelon dropped from a ten story building and left to decompose in the sun.
if i keep trying one day i will match or surpass the inside out manatee joke. you’ll see!! wait, no you won’t, because you’ll be DEAD!!!
hey, ben, nobody likes you.
ah, fuck it.
I like Josh and Ben… maybe that’s why I constantly confuse the two. I don’t like you, Cracka. I don’t like you with the mediocre intensity of two suns.
I think Cranky Cracka needs a hug.
nobody cares who you like and dislike. that’s why nobody asks. there are reasons for everything. if you only had a dick maybe you’d understand.
can i at least get a reach around with that “hug” this time? you sneaky gays are so rude!
I don’t think a hug would help Cranky Cracka. I think he needs a penis transplant. I think he’s a bit miffed that we’ve discovered he’s sporting a two inch soldier.
Hey Cracka,
You know what’s totally fascinating… that the clit is the head of a penis.
is anyone else totally relieved that the bush administration decided to ‘take action’ to fix our economy? because i am.
tiny penis joke again? shit, nun, now i remember why i don’t care what you think.
Happy to oblige with a reach around. I’ll give you a nipple tug too, if you like. Anything to help.
Well, Nun, I guess some people like that sort of thing. What’s the saying, “I like to be tickled not beat to death”? Personally, for me, the bigger the better. I guess Cracka and I could just cuddle.
i guess you’re right, nun. in a way the clit is the head of a penis. all those nerves in there. too bad yours is hidden under that mold farm.
try bleach.
I prefer thicker and I like bigger until it gets too big. 12 inches is too big, at least for me.
Cracka,
Either it’s moist and moldy or it’s dry and deserty… figure it out because it can’t be both.
As for Bush… he’s a jackass who is too stupid to realize what is going on in the real world. Anything he says now is just bullshit to try to calm the stupid masses.
“What happens in my vagina stays in my vagina.”
No, what happens in your vagina breeds in my lower urinary tract, until I go to the doctor.
“Either it’s moist and moldy or it’s dry and deserty… figure it out because it can’t be both.”
Maybe it varies from one to the other. Oh, to be there when it’s ‘just right’!
Agreement on Bush, and the sheeple.
All this talk about vagina’s. Geez! I’m going to go blow the maintenance guy.
“I’m going to go blow the maintenance guy.”
Time for cracka to step in, with some pithy comments as to his ethnicity.
My puss-puss is always ‘just right’, ask Zeus. Cracka’s just jealous that he roofied somebody else and didn’t even know it until we all realized he could not offer an accurate description of my vajayjay.
Anybody here watch Anthony Bourdain? Am I the only one that thinks that guy is uber-cool?
Hey, anyone seen/heard from Zeus?
Cracka,
I like how McCain is now promising thing he can not deliver, like if he gets in office he will cut CEOs salaries! How can you say what a private company can pay a CEO, how can you say what a public company can pay it’s CEO if you’re not on the board of directors.
Man I hate McOld.
Zeus is in hell helping God fight his holy war.
McCain is an ignorant cracka.
Cracka,
Did you know that Peterson has a weak hamstring and may not play on Sunday? My condolences, Cracka.
says he’s playing. sore hammy. limited duty. some asshole on the colts tackled him low from behind when he was already going down. fucker.
curtis, don’t bring your wallet into the supply closet when you’re blowing that spic. trust me.
when i am president i promise to stop bad things from happening!! no more bad things!!!!!
cracka, when you are Prez, can I be the Undersecretary of Oversight of (hot) Secretaries?
yeah, yoyo, we’ll keep the cabinet “stocked”. know what i’m sayin’?
this place needs some zeus and lucifer. they’re funny. why don’t we have ben to kick around today?
Maybe he got tired of you hating on him. This place is great for a laugh or whatever but if someone is having a rough day, they may not want to come here.
i was having a rough day until i came here to validate yoyo’s rule of life #6.
I don’t know what I’ll do… I’m going to have a rough day coming up here very shortly. On the one hand, this place might make me laugh but on the other hand, it might not.
cracka, in addtion to the cabinet being stocked, I want the space under my desk ’stocked’.
Dress code: No blue dresses!
what’s so rough about it, nun? next client packing a 13″ monster?
’smatter Nun? Anything we can help with?
No, you all will laugh at me actually and God will probably smite me. I have a cat that is 15 years old and getting very close to the end of his days. There will come a day here very soon when I either have to take him in to put him down or he’ll just be gone on his own. It seems silly but he’s been my very good friend for 15 years, I’ll miss him terribly.
umm…oh boy…feelings.
joke?
no.
crap. sorry about your cat.
you’re still a whore.
I went through it with a childhood pet, and have an old cat, too, I understand where you are coming from.
I don’t get paid so I’m a slut, Cracka. Feelings suck, especially for those of us who refuse to feel anything except a large cock in our puss.
God’s going to smite me for being so attached to an ‘evil’ animal. But maybe He won’t since I’m an ‘evil’ woman.
I’m hesitant to say this but… thanks, guys.
np
…time for me to mention adult diapers, cracka to make an ethnic slur, and maybe tell Ben to shut up, curtis to puzzle over and laugh at us heteros, etc.
I know, this makes me feel like I’ve icked up God’s Divine Blog. Sorry, God.
Curtis should come shove his penis up Cracka’s ass so we can point and laugh.
and cracka can SHOW us his penis so we can all point and laugh.
I wonder if Bridgette finally got a clue and stopped coming here.
If we can even see it Yo. I don’t have telescopic vision. HAHAHA!
she’s busy being offended by obama’s campaign while completely ignoring the waaaaaay more dishonest mccain campaign.
HAHA! Curtis, when you do a reach around for cracka, use tweezers.
Sorry to hear it Nun, my grandma just lost her poodle of 17 years. It was hard on the whole family, I hated that fucking dog, but now that it’s gone I miss the little bitch.
BTW - is force unleased good? It got some mixed reviews but every screen shot, or video looks great. Do you have it on Xbox 360?
Lucifer, Zeus, jew, Bridgette, that random guy, who else is gone?
F-feel so c-cold.
when you pull out of curtis’ butt get out of the way fast. he hasn’t pooped for a week. (because he’s old0
Zeus, Lucy and Birdgette are all fighting God’s war as we speak.
Random guy is giving blow jobs down by the train tracks.
i mean yoyo’s butt.
Nun, I lost my dog Sadie after 12 years. Congestive heart failure. He Brother Emmit died the year after. So I’ll send good vibes your way.
‘Nough of that.
I’D LOVE to shove my Johnson up Cracka’s back side and hear him squeal like a pig. I’m packing 9 inches and he’s got a purdy mouth. Cue the banjos.
um, is it too soon to make fun of nun’s grief?
like a pig? is that what they mean by lipstick on pig?
yes.
cracka, I’ll have you know I had a satisfying dump this morning - good color, firm, but not dry, no nasty smell.
Sounds like those Cuban cigars Saint Peter’s been hoarding.
to both questions.
too soon: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/09/12/ventriloquist-tells-scott-peterson-joke-on-rachael-ray-bombs
Josh,
Thanks. Standard, mini, toy or tea-cup? I like poodles but there is such a difference in the personalities depending on the size of the dog.
Force Unleashed is wicked cool. I do not own the game as I don’t have an appropriate console… yet. I intend on purchasing the Wii as that is supposed to be the most entertaining console to play the game on. My friend has it on XBox 360 and LOVES it. Good action and gameplay from the moment it begins. I can’t wait to have my own copy.
toy poodle. my grand mother always has one, when one passed she replaces it.
on cracka’s “too soon” watch this to see how you sound:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/09/12/ventriloquist-tells-scott-peterson-joke-on-rachael-ray-bombs
Curtis,
If I was Kathy G., you would soooo be one of my good gays.
Cracka,
You have to actually wait until I’m grieving before you make fun of my grief. Jeez, you premature-ejaculation guys just don’t know what patience is, do you?
I worked with a lady when I was a younster who bred toys. Poodles are better dogs than they’re given credit for. They’re not all yippers. She had a teacup I adored. He had the sweetest personality but was raised amongst a bunch of toys so he had some self-esteem issues.
God Damn it! I tried to post a link but God is not arround to approve it!
http://www.bestweekever.tv/tag/Ventriloquists
please google:
best week ever ventriloquist rachel ray
and look for the best weeek ever link.
300!!!!
Soggy Smoggy FACE!
LOL.. at least she did the “too soon” as the puppet. That’s some sense of comedy.
If God was really a god, he would make Nun’s cat a kitten again. And mine too while we’re at it. She would be long in the tooth if she had teeth.
Damn. I was trying for 300 again! But thanks, Josh, for facing Smoggy. Don’t die yet. We need you for stuff like this.
anybody can face smoggy. josh is totally expendable…one of the many reasons i will kill him.
Anne,
thats the thing with God he works in mysterious ways. He may very well bring Nun’s cat back as another cat, or he could bring her/him back as a hot dude who looks like Jude Law who Nun sleeps with. Gid is good like that. Druids don’t do shit.
Josh
Leave Josh alone or I’ll send my moldy vagina after you.
uppity we’re all expendable.
But try all you want, this Josh will not die anytime soon.
Hey Josh,
I really hope God doesn’t send my cat back as Jude Law… I can’t stand that guy and would totally miss my chance to bang my own pussy.
check out the second picture in this series….what the hell happened to former NY mayor Ed Koch?!
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/galleries/worlds_smallest_man_visits_nyc/worlds_smallest_man_visits_nyc.html
shut up, benny.
Josh: Druids are the ones who believe in reincarnation. Except if you’ve been a really, really good Druid, then you get to go to Druid heaven. Which is way better than St. Peter’s heaven, because we get to have our pets!
My mission here is to lead you all to Druidism. Except for God, Lucifer, St. Peter, Zeus, and especially St. Patrick. And no Bridgette, either. The whole reason Druidism is becoming more popular is because of the Bridgettes of this world.
Anne, do druids have priests and if so do druid priests molest teen aged boys who want it? ‘Cause if not, then count me out.
anne johnson, you ‘re a Druid?
Funny, you don’t look Druish.”
(Points to anyone who knows which movie I plagerized)
Anne don’t hindus believe the same thing? Are you a sacred cow?
If I became a Druid would I have to stop cutting down trees? Or just plant oak groves?
BTW Anne you can have pets in heaven, because we all know all dogs go to heaven. It’s a fact.
tell us more about the orgies, johnson.
yoyo, you cut down trees for fun or what?
Yo - Mrs. Henderson Presents?
Curtis: If they want it, you can do it.
Yo: Don’t know the movie, but yes.
Josh: I’m not sacred.
Yo: Trees have a right to life. You cannot harm them in any way, even if they’re growing up through a crack in the sidewalk.
cracka, you have to be initiated before you can orgy. Given what I’m hearing about you on this site, you may have to wait until your next incarnation, hoping you get a bigger johnson.
I am SO going to be a druid priest! But don’t let God know, he might smite me.
cracka, I live in Maine, I enjoy cutting down trees!
Sometimes I actually burn their dead, dried bodies for heat.
So Yo, did I guess the film correctly?
anne, funny you should mention a crack in the sidewalk.
Just yesterday, a friend took me aside and showed me an exquisite flower growing from a hairline crack in a thick bed of poured concrete.
“There’s a lesson to be learned here,” he said. “Large slabs of concrete should be sectioned with asphalt expansion seams.”
Curtis, you’re in. Yo Yo, bad bad bad! I’ll bet you’re the kind of evil fuck who rakes up acorns. They’re baby oak trees, Yo! I’m going to demonstrate in front of your Maine double-wide.
Curtis, no, sorry. It was Space Balls.
LOL, anne, I’ll just put th’ wheels back on it an’ drive to another trailer park!
I’m gonna hold a poster with a little sprouted oak tree on it … tree killer.
And when I was a boy, us kids would gather up the acorns and have battles with the neighborhood kids.
Since God isn’t around, I’ll continue my missionary work. Go Druid! Naked dancing, all the Halloween candy you can eat, and consensual sex … as much as you can handle.
My Dad would have us gather acorns every Fall. We’d take bags of them and walk through our woodlot, scattering them. Some we’d leave in piles on old stumps, for the squirrels.
Does that redeem me? Or is Lord Samhain sharpening his scythe?
… but respect those acorns! They have a right to life, dammit!
Would you leave a baby on a stump for a squirrel to eat? Then stop abusing acorns!
You can abuse yourself all you want. No rules against that amongst the Druids.
i actually think i would
leave a baby on a stump, i mean.
As a lad, I’d dig up the sprouting oak trees from our lawn and transplant them to the edge of a deserted field. (Otherwise, they’d get mowed down.)
wait….does the sex have to be consentual?
FACE to God! I never advocate my religion to anyone else. This just seems like the perfect place to do it!
Now you’re getting the idea, Yo Yo. Figures cracka doesn’t wanna give up his raping and pillaging.
cracka, remember, rape and pillage, then burn!
Whew! Hell is hot as crap! I have got to get someone to install some AC down there. Jesus, Mary and Joseph….and it doesn’t help with satANUS’s and Bridgette’s BO either. Wow it was like an abandoned fish market. Not like Nun’s vajayjay wich is always “just right.”
Yo,
Spaceballs right? Points?!!!
Johnson,
I don’t want to be Druish. I like eating pork. Oh and I don’t like waiting for my goats to be properly slaughtered before I eat them either.
Points to Zeus!
Wooooooooohoooooooooo!!!!!! Points! What do I win? Do I get to redeem them for anything?
Please redeem your points at Pepsi.com If you get 10,000,000,000,000,000 points, we’ll send you a coupon for a dollar off your next purchase of a two liter bottle of Diet Pepsi!
cracka asked, “wait….does the sex have to be consentual?”
Since when has that worried you?
Don’t crash this party, Zeus. I’m winning souls for Druidism. Get your Greek god butt back to hell.
Would it surprise anyone here to learn that the name of my home town is “Athens”?
I thought not.
No freakin way! God are you gettin’ this! Johnson is proselitizing on Your Divine Blog!
All of you, don’t become Druish, you know what happens when you go around hugging trees…Dutch Elm Disease, Aspen Canker, Annosus Root Rot…and the list goes on. Dirty dirty druids!
the same athens as r.e.m.?
don’t worry zeus, the odds on me becoming a druid are about the same as believing in you.
I’m not surprised! Georgia and many other States have honored my divine origins. And Athenians know how to throw a party! But I bet Curtis already knows that.
What the crap Wheat Thin. I’m no longet thrown you any bones. That is metephorically speaking. Don’t get the worng idea Curtis or the rest of you perverts!
Ah, Friday. My ability to type - completely out the window!
well, i believe that you exist. i just don’t believe IN you. so, whatever that means.
cracka, you gotta believe in something. There are a lot of gods and goddesses out there who aren’t busy, and if you prayed to them, maybe your next 1000 IV patients would be slender, pretty, and convinced that size doesn’t matter.
I don’t know, Cracka. I’m from southern Ohio - I doubt it.
um…shut up.
Anne! I think that was a “face”!
And with that, y’all have a great weekend.
that was no face. she went with the same old boring small penis joke. i mean, come on!!
“y’all” haha!
it’s been my experience, anne johnson, that when you are painfully infiltrating a woman’s body with a needle it’s generally not the best time to ask her out.
I’m very careful with my faces.
I’m gonna concede that point, cracka. I’ve been penetrated by about 100 needles over the past three weeks, including an IV that hurt like hell.
Isn’t that what you do every time you have sex Wheat Thin. Minus the pain plus the humiliation.
Still it beats being penetrated by Zeus.
Johnson, don’t feign jeoulousy. You know you want the my big fat greek welding.
cracka, not to bring up a sore subject, but I have a druid book of poetry here with Dylan Thomas in it. Will that sway you?
Druid-isn is a jip, unless you can turn into a cat or control the elements like Avatar the Last Airbender, then I’d rather believe in Heaven where I can bang Slam Hayek and Eva Mendez all day, that’s my heaven.
Sorry, Zeus. Not interested. When you came here dressed like Beckham, you smelled like a 2500 year old drainage ditch. Big fat greek gelding.
If I could turn into a cat, I’d go straight to Nun’s back door right now and purr like hell.
When God is away, the heathens play!
I hear the bouncing hills
Grow larked and greener at berry brown
Fall and the dew larks sing
Taller this thunderclap spring, and how
More spanned with angles ride
The mansouled fiery islands! Oh,
Holier then their eyes,
And my shining men no more alone
As I sail out to die.
-Dyan Thomas
Gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“All of you, don’t become Druish, you know what happens when you go around hugging trees…Dutch Elm Disease, Aspen Canker, Annosus Root Rot…”
And my personal favorites, Scaly cap fungus and Red Root.
zeus-370
that was a legitimate face.
if you’re going with a tiny penis joke, make it good.
..and one for Nun: Clitocybe root disease.
well, shit, not EVERY dylan thomas poem is good. i mean, the man was a drunken sot and a half.
Thanks. It’s all about timing.
For cracka, we have basal cankers, for Curtis, fairy rings…
Go ahead. Name every nasty tree disease you can think of. None of them are as bad as that thing that turns your toenails yellow … whatever it’s called.
Zeus, where do you get off quoting Dylan Thomas? He was gay, but he sure wasn’t Greek. Go find your own gay poets. There are dozens of them.
I suppose anybody that writes a poem “On His Birthday” has got to suck pretty hard every now and then.
it was just way better than “cracka’s just jealous because his penis is tiny”, or “cracka’s just sad because his penis is tiny”, or “cracka’s just mad because his penis is tiny.”
a lot of the best writers were gay. weird.
389
I’m not saying he was gay. If he was, more power to him. Just that that poem is gay.
One with eyes the fairest
Cometh from his dwelling,
Some one loves thee, rarest,
Bright beyond my telling.
In thy grace thou shinest
Like some nymph divinest,
In her caverns dewy:–
All delights pursue thee,
Soon pied flowers, sweet-breathing,
Shall thy head be wreathing.
-Euripides, also a crappy Greek poem. Relied too much on deus et machina in his crappy plays. That’s why I smote him with syphilis, he went slowly insane, and died.
Check this guy out: http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/default.aspx
and
http://gawker.com/news/douchebags/nightmare-online-dater-john-fitzgerald-page-is-the-worst-person-in-the-world-309684.php
Weasel mentioned him on his blog. Fitzgerald is a twit.
Yo,
You can’t count! Glory, glory, hallelujah!!
whut?
“can”…fuck. and I can’t type.
395
That’s better! I can count to twenty-two, but only if I drop trou.
can’t type, can’t fuck, can dance a little.
– Zeus’s screen test
Are we playing Smoggy?
where’s smoggy? he’s gonna miss out.
ANNE JOHNSON!! HOW DARE YOU PROSELYTIZE ON MY HOLY AND DIVINE BLOG!!!
I SMITE YOU!!
Cuz I whupped his ass last time.
on 400!!!!!
FACE to the absent Smoggy!
“Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad”
So true Euripidies, thus, the syphilis.
401 is better anyway.
I use Druidic magic to hit the even numbers.
Gotta go, guys. I always start drinking early on Fridays.
haha! your druid mobile is crushed!!
Oh, wait! God’s back! Want some mead, God?
God can’t smite someone who doesn’t worship him. So there!
Ha!!!! Johnson! Yeah, my cousin (second, twice removed) got Medieval on yo’ ass! Smited!! Good one God!! God - 1 Billion, Druids - 0!
Na na na na boo boo! *fart noise*
Anne said: “If I could turn into a cat, I’d go straight to Nun’s back door right now and purr like hell.”
Umm… which back door, Anne? Because I don’t play those kinds of games with my cat. You druids are kind of freaky, girl.
Unless you’re talking about my house’s back door, in which case it would be a very good idea. My animals have the best lives, I’m so envious of them. If you’re a cat and come to my house you’d be very well taken care of.
If God’s so great, how come I hit 300 yesterday and 400 today? Hmmmmmm?
because that equals 700, as in 700 club, as in the best show on television that gets money for GOD!
It was your house door I mean, cat person. I take foster kittens from the animal shelter and care for them until they’re old enough to be adopted. This is the kind of thing that gentle, sweet Druids do. Unlike God and his smiters, who hate cats.
HA! God got the 400 and FACED everybody who was trying to FACE Smog. That God sure is cool.
Ey, ey, taking the form of a Cat at Nun’s back door next (to her house).
Ack! The unwitting tool of God TV! Where’s my flail?
God, cooking the books … same old shit.
How did you do that, God?
Don’t say, “I can do anything.” This Druid ain’t hearin’ that.
I AM THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE YOU DUMB PAGAN! HAHAHAHA! GOOD LUCK GETTING A NEW CAR!
Barbaric, sadistic priest of a dark religion, HARLOT!
How dare you defile the father’s blog so that you can garner victims for your human sacrifices!?
That’s right, don’t think I didn’t know.
Ahhh… on a serious note, Anne… you and I have the same mentality when it comes to that kind of thing. I’m a rescuer myself.
Zeus,
I’d much prefer you take the form of some hot guy when you come to my back door.
I love it when cats come to back door. Mmm, cat fried rice, cat stew, cat kabob, burgers with catsup.
PUSSY-KILLER!!
And I don’t mean with your massive ‘Ewan McGregor cock’ either.
Yes, yes I am! But not really cats.
Swear to … God, God, if you touch my car I will truly take the grievance to my Goddess, and she will take you over her motherly knee.
Damn it! Said something before my clever retort.
Zeus is Asian! Explains everything.
Don’t even pretend to be Greek if you eat cats.
We have mounds of cats in my neighborhood. The neighborhood, catches, treats and spays. The 3 we take care of “Pretty Boy” a gray tabby, has no front teeth and and a scarred nose from a cat fight, “Garfield” fat and orange, and “Igor” old, deaf, and a crooked neck from a run in with a car. Lot’s of cats no rats. Kind of sad but better than a kill shelter.
He eats pussy, Anne. He’s a clever deity, that Zeus.
And they are well-fed and have a dry and safe place to stay to boot.
anyone who buys pets when they can rescue one is a shitty human being. fucking humans.
Yes, I like to take my time with it. Savor every morsel. Mmmm.
If you mean that in a literal way, then he’s Asian. If you’re using slang, he’s the good guy in the trailer park who feeds the stray cats.
God’s gone again already? Ha ha! My car’s purring like a kitten!
I’m just gonna type out one more text to y’all and ……
CRUNCH
Damn you, God!
It was a poor neighborhood and the resident’s were neither educated enough nor wealthy enough to spay and neuter so we had a massive feral poulations that is dwindling. I’d like to see them all go to homes, but it is nice because it keeps away rodents unlike the wealthier areas of the city and everyone looks out for them now.
On a completely serious note, I do believe God is depressed. I hope some of what we say at least brings a Divine Smile to His Divine Face.
I think Zeus is really a big ol’ softie who takes care of the neighborhood strays. He eats and feeds pussy. He’s a well-rounded individual.
TPT, no that’s Cracka.
BUGGER #400
slept in
Dibs on 500 (ya fuckers)
i do stuff! just in my real life, though, not in my cracka life.
How could God help but be depressed when so many of his followers are dickheads?
Thanks, Nun! I used to have a ferret. He was cool. Now, it’s just the a dog and my pack ‘o’ strays. They have been too wild for too long to come into the house, but I bult them a shelter in the yard.
God likes dickheads, johnson.
And, Nun, I’m never soft.
zing!
Zeus, stop pretending you’re a cat lover just so you can shag Nun.
Smoggy! Day late and dollar short, dude.
it’s already saturday for smog. new zealand cunts.
Anne wants a DRINK. Turning over my numerical powers to Smoggy now…
Damn it. I wish I wer’re in NZ. Actually, no, no I don’t. Never mind sheep buggers.
I need pet insurance. Anybody know a good plan? VPI?
I want a bong toke.
Anne,
He doesn’t have to pretend to love cats to shag me. He merely needs to manifest as somebody I find attractive and HAWT. Plus, he’s never soft which is something that I find endearing in a man.
Zeus,
I have some kind of knack with felines. I don’t really know what it is but I’m good with them. One of my cats is a rescued feral who was pregnant. It sounds crazy but I talked to her before I brought her home and she’s a completely different animal then the scraggly, wild stray I first met.
Oh, and I’m crazy.
Hmm, you’ll have to come talk to my pussies. They only come near me whenever I feed them. You can interpret this however you’d like.
It’s FRIDAY doesn’t everybody want bong hits!? I got the good sweet NYC Chiba.
it may sounds weird, but the best green i have ever come across is found in northern MN. it’s actually the only reason anyone would ever want to go to northern MN. besides the zillion lakes with nobody else on them.
Moose urine has a hallucinogenic effect when you smoke it. That’s why that MN chiba was so good.
Cats aren’t stupid, that’s why they put up with you, Zeus. However, that’s all they’re doing… they’re putting up with you so they can have food in their bellies. Cats have an arrogant streak.
I got God’s blessed chiba… you can’t beat that, especially when it comes from B.C.
If I want to hallucinate, I’ll just drop some acid. I don’t need to smoke moose pee.
You know, that’s a good idea. I think I shall take four of five hundred bong hits out of the Heavenly Bong this evening. Starting….NOW!
Well, that is the last time I talk to those cats then. And no more fresh tuna for them.
B.C. - Before Christ chiba??! How do you keep it fresh for so long?
Zeus,
You’re in NY? Are you with your “Greek” brothers in Chelsea?
Yeah, Cracka, stay away from the moose pee. I know times get deparate in the trailer park but there are better ways to get wasted. Try glue.
No, I just got a NYC connection. I don’t spend time in Chelsea unless I want a decent meal. But the person it came from may move there soon.
damn you, zeus!!! i don’t live in a trailer park!!! and if you find a moose in minneapolis it means you are dropping nun’s acid!!! the northwest weed and MN weed are quite similar in their goodness, nun.
I bet when God smokes he just finds some massive nuclear reactor stuffs the stacks full of His Holy Chiba and fires up the reactor.
i wish i had the Godly lungs to hit a bong 400 or 500 times.
Even my divine lungs would explode after about 300.
smoggy will miss out again i swear it.
He must be having a breakfast of crappy overly breaded suasage and beans with toast. Silly Kiwis.
god’s really 401!!!!!!
I’ll bet God likes the song “What if God Smoked Cannibis”.
Zeus,
Keep feeding the cats. Your good karma will come back to you.
no matter what you see or what he says he’s really 401!!!
DON’T BE FOOLED!!!!
God’s catching up on His approval of links on His Divine Blog and FACED Himself.
just called him 4g0d1
I wathced Beerfest again last night for about the 5th time. Why is that movie only funny when I’m drunk and not with the Chiba?
I DID NOT! I’M 400! GO AND LOOK!
DAMN YOU VERY INCREDIBLY UNPLEASANT JEW!!!
Whoa!! I’m freaking out at God’s mad skills at fucking with the post numbers.
never doubt God. even if you are a jew.
Speaking of Weasel’s blog, did anybody see the 21 year old that was featured on Weasel’s blog? Somebody tell me if I’m being sappy because I just don’t think that kid should be on that blog.
Well played God.
nobody spoke of weasel’s blog.
shutup, Zeus.
face!
Yo did, Cracka. It had a link and God just recently approved it… #391.
How did God get 400 again? He approved Yo’s link and that pushed Him to 401 and then He went back to 400. How, God? How???
I want to smoke massive amounts of marijuana with God, even if He is cranky.
Whoa, faced by God. I feel so loved, yet slightly smited at the same time. FYI God, that heathen aetheist chick Natasha is kinda hot. Gonna hit that?
Natasha is 16, Zeus.
Yeah, but he’s God. Human laws don’t apply. (and I just noticed that).
No, they certainly don’t. Wasn’t Mary like 8 when He knocked her up?
My god, God! Yes, an 8-year old. For shame.
497
Hey Zeus,
If you ever find a good pet insurance provider, post it here. I’ve never found anything that I felt would be worth the cost.
Better hurry, Smog…
hey, nun, if you ever find the end of your perforated sphincter disinfect it in boiling water for ten minutes before reinserting.
500 was a real beauty.
I don’t have a sphincter anymore, Cracka. Zeus is just too big.
And way to ruin Smoggy’s glory.
and…weasel’s blog is hard to read. even for me. and i laugh at perforated sphincters.
damn right! fuck smiggly wiggly!!
Look at these celebrity wackadoos! You want these people running the country?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v334/muzikal203/party.gif
Smoggy is smogalicious.
Why is Weasel’s blog hard to read? All the analogies?
no, the reading part is fine…the pictures sometimes, though. holy shit.
AHA! LOL! fucking awesome first 500th comment ever, and it goes to…uppity cracka. Take a bow sir.
Fuck you sheep-fucker Smogs.
Yeah, McCain. I do actually. You see how happy and joyful they are? That’s because God is present in their lives. Only God makes somebody that happy. You’re a sour and bitter individual because God hates you.
like the man boob guy…what the fuck is that? is that a….is it…oh my god, it’s a man boob!!!
FUCK! my cover is blown!
ben is mccain. mccain is ben. and you wonder why we hate you…
The swirling, Cracka? Or is it just too much like looking in a mirror?
.
.
.
.
HAHAHAHA!! I’m kidding, Cracka. Stop thinking of ways to kill me.
Dude… way to out yourself.
i have an expansive list already, nun.
Who just posted with my picture? Who is this ‘Benny’? Likely another attack from the vast left wing conspiracy.
The man boob guy was gross. He had some big ass nipples.
But… I love you, Cracka. With the white hot intensity of 50 suns.
Where is weasel’s blog? Man Boob, now you have me interested…like I must slow to see a train wreck.
Poor Ben. Forced to impersonate McCain in a desperate attempt for love. I’ll love you, Ben. I love everybody.
ah, you’re just sayin’ that.
what the hell’s with people? you start dating someone and they ask you when you’re getting married. you get married and they ask you when you’re having kids. those are personal questions and i don’t know you. sons of bitches!!!
the next stuff god hates entry should be people with babies. pompous assholes.
I know what the crap!!!! Al those F*ers with babies. No longer hangin’ out. Completely lose touch with anything cool. Start talking about strollers and crap! “So, when are you guys gonna have a baby? WE’RE NOT! WE’RE STEALING AND EATING YOURS!”
“Why Women Hate Men” blog… search for it that way, Zeus as that’s the only way I can ever get it to show up in a search engine.
I had a kid and didn’t turn into one of those people. I still hate those people. Nobody cares what my kid does but me and I’m not that impressed with most of what he does. He’s a loser who never wins. I won’t even love him until he actually wins something.
Wow, Nun, you’re mentioned in the blog! Your famous!
I am?
Does he call me a bitch for thinking that the 21 year old kid shouldn’t have been there? And how did he even know that was me anyway?
Yes, in “Yore the bestest” http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/ Tyler is just another boring braggart. “I can make a nun cum by reading Bible verses,” he’ll boast, as a line of ex-girlfriends behind him exchange Energizer battery coupons, and try to breathe a little life into their overused, high-mileage dildos with their arthritic fingers.
McCain was funnier before I knew it was Ben.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eKwTL8SwbI
I still don’t see any man boobs?!
Oh… that’s a different ‘nun’. Note the non-capitilization of the ‘n’. I am ‘Nun’.
A big fat guy, he’s there somewhere. It’s a post from this month, maybe even last week. A big fat guy with boobies as big as a girl and big ass nipples. Nasty.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why did you make me look at that!! Jesus H. Christ I am funcking blind…oh the agony, the agony. Back to the kittens. Soft furry little kittens.
I really find this guy hilarious: http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/aboutus.aspx
Okay…weekend wine, chiba, and off to the beach! Bonfire! Wooo hooo!
ARSEHOLES…I’m not playing anymore…when you least expect it I will claim a number for New Zealand.
Anyway, it’s Saturday here, the weather is fantastic, and all our banks are solvent.
So suck my rams! (And my rugby team won lat night!!!)
hey god,
if you REALLY exist…. why isn’t your avatar a picture of you instead of a painting?
That John Fitzgerald guy is an arrogant prick.
Duh, Random. God would be easily identifiable if He put His photo up here.
true….
Dear God,
please O Mighty God, I pray that you will prove me innocent
everyone here just assumes it was me who posted as ‘josh is a faggot’ for some reason which makes me sad. cause i like posting here and if i couldn’t post here anymore i don’t know what i would do with the rest of my pointless existence on this Earth. please oh please God can you help me out?
Amen
Random Guy,
I have heard your prayer. After looking back through the comments, I can confirm that the poster with the username ‘josh is a faggot’ came from a different IP address. I hope you have not suffered too much distress from this as I know you to be a faithful, if not highly neurotic, servant of Me.
To everyone else - let this serve as a lesson not to judge so quickly and harshly. That’s My job…THAT’S MY FUCKING JOB!
thank you God
I am Jacks sence jealous rage
God smote the big bang machine!
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/09/20/hadron.collider.damage.ap/index.html
A blessed Equinox to you, Goddie Dearest.
From Anne the Druid.
Random Guy,
God had already told us that you were not responsible for the ‘josh is a faggot’ posts. I’m glad that He confirmed your innocence again for those of us who were not paying attention the first time. God is great! Praise God!
http://www.atheistnexus.org/profile/FlyingSpaghettiMonster
fear it
why? Does it smite?
no it has 17 pirates
Arrrrrrghghghghgh! You’re a day late.
You spelled genius wrong on your profile. That’s really not a word you want to misspell when you’re referring to yourself as a genius.
I don’t care, I’m a GENIOUS………..
ok yeah i’ll fix it.
*snort*
too many noodles, not enough sauce.
… and not enough balls to go around, eh Nun?
heheh
Did you follow the link on FSM’s profile, Anne? Good for a few chuckles.
i fixed the “genious” thng to “genius”
Right on, FSM. I know it’s just because you spell ‘genius’ differently in Outer Space but other humans may not be so understanding.
HAHAHA! The pasta monster is dumb. I am smart!
thanks “God”….
565!
That’s not the official Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster web site. This is it:
http://www.venganza.org
Yes, God, you’re smart. But the FSM is better looking.
i know its not the official website, its the flash game-thing that they made
God, it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling when You change Your posts. I think it shows that You really care about us humans and really think about what You say to us. God, I love you so much right now. You handsome man.
.
.
.
Points to whoever gets the movie reference.
I just went back to the FSM’s link. Hey, Noodly Master, no quarrels, but that pencil drawing is the Mothman. And no offense, but I grew up in West Virginia, and I know the Mothman when I see him. You can’t just cover him with vermicelli and claim him as your own.
I don’t get out much to the movies, Nun. If it’s not a stoner flick, I can’t see paying nine bucks or whatever it is.
… and since we got FIOS, I can’t turn on the t.v. unless my daughter’s there to help.
FIOS = Fuck It, Off to Sleep
ok anne,
first i didn’t draw it so don’t annoyingly comment at me
and secondly i didn’t claim it as my own
My apologies, o Noodly Master! Trust me, I’m in your camp! I can’t wait until they teach about you in Kansas!
See? Why would anyone choose to believe in this noodle monster?
He’s obviously a petty jerk monster. He’s not badass and cool like Me.
but I’m made of Noodles
… and we can see the FSM’s balls. Frankly, God, who knows what’s under all those billowing robes of yours?
your day was friday
fucking macaroni pest
shut up til next year
what the fuck are you talking about cat-man-toad-thing?
haiku is for dicks
with too much time on their hands
shut up catmantoad
if God does exist
He’ll help me win Powerball
But don’t hold your breath
pastafarians
talk pirate on 9/19
otherwise who cares
if I wasn’t sick
I would be outside right now
sugery sucks ass
ok, I’ll start holdin my breath……. now!
with eighteen more posts
I can Face Smoggy again
but who gives a damn?
turn up the drug drip
until she can’t see the screen
blögging on pain meds
haiku sucks…. its retarded
most have been created by “God”
must not most
jealous catmantoad
wants his share of Vicodin
go ask Rush Limbaugh
God created malaria. Basho created haiku.
a haiku fight………. sad
last time catmantoad and I mud wrestled, we both missed a week of work. Haiku fights only make our fingers tired.
why do Pastafarians talk like pirates?
http://www.globalwarmingisreal.com/piratesarecool4.jpg
people! become a fucking pirate! save the fucking world!
That graph doesn’t include the pirates on Wall Street. If it did, we’d be in an ice age.
600 so near
Smoggy sleeps in New Zealand
I’ll Face him again!
New Zealand
598!
600!
I, Smoggy Batzrubble, faithful servant of God the Almighty, Omniscient and Omnipotent, claim post 600 for God and New Zealand, now and unto the end of days.
Lord bless this number and preserve it for your servant Smoggy as a small bastion of righteousness and peace in a morass of Northern Hemispherist, Nuclear dickheads.
May any in the future who seek to usurp number six hundred be afflicted for eternity with painful genital infections (particularly the uppity cracka, benny, catmantoad and that “Josh is a Fagott” fucker)
AMEN
FAAAAAAAAAACE!
Morning, Smoggy! Do you know how many retarded haikus i had to compose just to get to the magic 600?
Hey! Only God can do that! Who died and made you God, Smoggy?
What are you talking about Anne Johnson? Smoggy Batzrubble clearly stole 600 from you this time. Did you just face yourself? Hmm…you druids are very curious.
Cheater. Wife-beater. Small peter.
Ummm…
God, was that you playing a divine joke?
Brilliant if it was…
THE REAL SMOGGY
As part of your ongoing smite Anne Johnson, I will not let you steal another Divine number. I have divinely intervened on Smoggy’s behalf.
#605 was for Smoggy, but it could apply to God as well.
It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature … fuckin computers … wish I knew how they work …
Congratulations on attaining the first 600th comment ever Smoggy Batzrubble! I declare it a glorious victory for you and all New Zillanders!
Anne Johnson - be glad I do not destroy your house for your many repeated and heinous sins against The LORD ALMIGHTY.
You think it’s that easy, Your High Assed? I’ll just wait until you’re over at Lourdes handing out miracles, and then I’ll strike!
God, you are the greatest! I’ve been lying in wait for 600 for the last hour. Thank you for your answered prayers.
Sneaky deity. No wonder I’m a Druid. You don’t see the Salmon of Wisdom pulling shit like this.
AHOHO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TAKE THAT ANNE JOHNSON!
SMITE! SMITE!! SMITE!!!
… counting out syllables on my fingers for a fucking HOUR, just so I could grab 600 …
could have been sitting downstairs watching Gilmore Girls reruns.
Hey Anne
FAAAAAAAAACCCCCEEEE!!!!!
Praise God!!
… or listening to Richard Dawkins … who would never cheat a girl of her 600.
kudos to smoggy
get in line for 666
kiwi 999
Smoggy, I thought we were friends. But no. You take God’s sneaky gift and run with it, just so He can smite me. Well, I’m gonna keep my girlish figure right here in Amerikkka. No joining your hippie commune in Sheepland.
Almighty God,
I think Catmantoad is challenging you.
Can I put in a bid for “666″ and “999″ now?
Your servant Smoggy
Post 600 surely is a glorious one. Look at it there, in all its wondrousness. GLORIOUS!
That will teach you to insult ME and proselytize your heathen religion on My Holy and Divine Blog YOU DAMNED HERETIC!!
take your 666
and stick it up your butthole
I am outta here
Dear Anne, of course we are friends, but I was required to claim 600 for my God and country…
…patriotism spares nothing…just ask the French…
…and I’d never dream of going against the will of God, he granted me many more comely sheep.
May there be peace in the Four Quarters, for without peace can no work be done.
cheerio goddess annie :8
God damn it, I am so pissed off! Where’s my Vicodin?
In the bag with your staples?
Go ahead, the rest of you. Fight it out for 666.
Stuff Anne Hates: GOD
If God ever comes into my bingo hall, I’m leaving.
Now I am seriously leaving, but I gotta say again to anyone who reads this thread … GOD STOLE 600! It was MINE, I tell you, MINE!
No it wasn’t.
Divine Face Anne
never say goodbye
unless you’re really leaving
otherwise shut up
I HATE haiku shit
So why no more of the horrid haiku
Almighty God –Peter here reporting in.
Firstly, congratulations on your wonderful smite on Anne Johnson.
Secondly, it has been a messy day here at the Pearly Greats. A whole hotel’s worth of bomb victims have turned up. No suicide bombers with them—pity, I was looking forward to telling the bastards there’s no paradise, no virgins etc. and then sending them on down to work for eternity in Satan’s pig farm.
On the plus side of the ledger, another great musician is here, the rock n’ roll drummer Earl Palmer—I wondered why Fat’s Domino had been lurking around the gates. As well, we got the landscape architect Robert Royston (sent him off to your modernist re-planting of Eden); the crime novelist James Crumley (I think you like his stuff); that expert on aging Paola Timiras (nice one kidding her she was going to live forever); and Robert Katzman, the Alzheimer’s guy.
Last but not least, Siegfried Halbreich has arrived. He’s a bit irritated, and wants to know how come he got to live through four Nazi concentration camps while you killed so many of the rest of his family. I said it wouldn’t be up for discussion, but if it cheered him he could go and speak for as long as he liked in the Nazi section of hell. He thought he might—said he had quite a bit he wanted to say to Himmler.
Correction God–It has been a long day at the gates and there’s an error in my report. I said Fats Domino when I meant Count Basie.
See why I need a holiday?
On this day, 21 September 2008, I, Smoggy Batzrubble of Noo Zillund, son of Mama Batzrubble (deceased in childbirth) and Papa Batzrubble (serial killer–executed), post this message in praise of Almighty God, the Omniscient, the Omnipotent, and the Fiercest SMITING Bastard in the universe, who has granted me a great victory in my contest with the Pagan Priestess Anne (spitting staples) Johnson.
For evidence to support my faith I refer you to “God on the Internet” postings 600 and 609.
Praise be to God. This message is posted on every thread in HIS honor.
Signed
Servant Smoggy
AMEN
He’s actually a pretend friend of mine at Atheist Nexus where he’s supposed to be spying for heathens (><)
You lie, Onoyoko! God would NEVER be a friend of a pathetic creature like you with a mouth shaped like half a buttock. I will enjoy it when he smites you and you become a leaking bag of pus with halitosis and no friends.
Sunday p.m. and Anne the warrior Goddess is so pissed about missing her Druid Grove on a gorgeous day that she’s gonna troll for 666. Because if I have to sit inside when the weather is perfect, I’m gonna take it outta God’s hide.
I think, therefore I am.
I think, therefore I drink.
I’m pink, therefore I’m Spam.
Anne, you deserve 666. But actually I think Lucifer would be better suited for that number. If only he wasn’t locked in hell.
but you know what’s funny? unless you post every comment from now till 666, this thread won’t reach that far. everyone is watching football today and God will probably have a new post on Monday as always and no one will comment on this thread anymore. you’re gonna have to spam it.
I would be watching football myself right now, except that the Eagles start at 4:30. So I’m sitting here working at the computer. It’s a swell set-up for hitting the Mark of the Beast.
Come let us all unite to sing, God is love
Let Heaven and Earth their praises ring, God is love
Let every soul from sin awake
Each in his heart sweet nusic make
Each in his heart sweet music make
…oops…
And sing with us for Jesus’ sake
GOD IS LOVE!
Immortal, invisible God only wise
In light inaccessible, hid from our eyes
Most perfect most glorious
The ancient of days
Gag me with a spoon and fork
Who let in this brain-dead dork?
Pavilioned in splendor and girded with praise
God is great, God is good
God does pimpin in the hood.
I, Smoggy Batzrubble claim the devil’s number for God (and any surrounding numbers I can get hold of)
I, Smoggy Batzrubble claim the devil’s number for God (and any surrounding numbers I can get hold of) 2
666 BITCH!
If this hymnist gets 666, it’s a deserved Face.
YES
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
FAAAACE!
Nothing to do in New Zealand except sit around and wait for numbers to pop up on a thread. So so sad.
God! Benny has the devil’s number.
Benny is the ANTI-CHRIST.
Smite him God!
Smite him!
If anyone ever tells Benny to shut up again, I will personally bitch-slap them.
By definition, Smoggy was trying to be the anti-Christ. I was going to stop at 665 … for real.
God, your servant Smoggy has exposed the Anti-Christ.
My cunning ploy worked.
I hope BENNY gets a good tormenting in the lake of fire.
Your servant Smoggy
AMEN
(ps Have to go Lord. I hope you will punish Anne Johnson for her gloating!)
…and her naughty untruths
YAY! Someone finally accused me of being the anti-christ!
… as Anne forges toward 700. Seriously, though, I have to work. And who thinks it’s a good idea if God gets a thread as long as Atrios, or one of those Kos regulars? Not me, for damn sure.
It’s fun being the anti-Christ, Benny. Kind of like being the kid who has the best Halloween costume.
Yeah…only problem is, none of the other kids wants to play with you.
Immortal invisible God only wise
Will smite and damn Benny
The new Anti-Christ
He’ll cover is testes
In non-healing boils
And cook him quite slowly in flammable oils.
So Benny, which will it be? Boils on your testes, or being stuck in heaven for eternity with Hymn Singer?
i would choose boils….
go for boils ben!
Eagles kickoff time, o Noodly Master!
Stuff God Hates: Philadelphia sports teams.
Smite Ben, O Thou great Jehovah,
See his testes burn and swell.
He is weak, but Thou art mighty;
Make his urination hell.
Balls afire, Balls afire,
Screaming like a male whore;
Screaming like a male whore.
Well I already have boils on my testes, so a few more ain’t gonna hurt….
God, that fucking Pakistani truck bomber has turned up. It took a while as he had to be reassembled from a zillion pieces. I let the Czech ambassador give him a good kicking, then I explained to him that the virgins were one of Muhammad’s lies, and that he was going to work as a teaser in Satanus’s pig farm, for the boars to practice fucking on before we send them to service the sows.
I think he could tell I’m not happy.
I can’t believe the Patriots lost to the fucking DOLPHINS today
better believe it
giants pitched to manny r
and he didn’t score
1 My thoughts on awful subjects roll,
Damnation and the dead;
What horrors seize the guilty soul
Upon a dying bed!
2 Lingering about these mortal shores,
She makes a long delay,
Till like a flood with rapid force
Death sweeps the wretch away.
3 Then swift and dreadful she descends
Down to the fiery coast,
Amongst abominable fiends,
Herself a frightful ghost.
4 There endless crowds of sinners lie,
And darkness makes their chains;
Tortur’d with keen despair they cry,
Yet wait for fiercer pains.
5 Not all their anguish and their blood
For their old guilt atones,
Nor the compassions of a God
Shall hearken to their groans.
6 Amazing grace, that kept my breath,
Nor bid my soul remove,
Till I had learn’d my Saviour’s death,
And well insur’d his love!
1 Here at thy cross, my dying God,
I lay my soul beneath thy love,
Beneath the droppings of thy blood,
Jesus, nor shall it e’er remove.
2 Not all that tyrants think or say,
With rage and lightning in their eyes,
Nor hell shall fright my heart away,
Should hell with all its legions rise.
set up the premise
cjitchat about anal sex
the punch line - kapow!
HA! 700!
set up the premise
cjitchat about anal sex
the punch line - kapoo!
4 But speak, my Lord, and calm my fear,
Am I not safe beneath thy, shade?
Thy vengeance will not strike me here,
Nor Satan dares my soul invade.
I am the antichrist…the antichrist am I!
hmm…doesn’t seem like this freaks care….shit!
Fuck fucky fuck
Fuckuck Uckfuck
Fuck Fucky ucky fuck
Fuck testes boils
Amen
great move my benny
your timing is exquisite
hymn singer shut up
What children!
Pathetic…
I know, right #600 holder Smoggy? I just feel sorry for these losers.
I wonder what ever happened to Bridgette. Looks she gave up on us. Sometimes I miss that fat stupid cunt.
Hahahahahahahahaha Benny,
I had a comment in awaiting moderation. It has pushed you from 700 to 701
Felinehomofrog wins, beating Benny and the hymn singing arsehole.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yes, I was reading some early posts the other day, and Bridgette’s sanctimonious hypocrisy really livened things up. I wonder if God could join some evangelical christian chat groups, that might attract a few.
Smoggy and Benny,
I’m with you guys. What drew me into the Catholic church, Faux News, The Whitey House, and Stuff God Hates was sanctimonious hypocrisy. Now this blog is all shitty poetry and “let’s run up the post count”.
Where’s the religious hyperbabble? Where’s the HATE?
Yes! Where’s the hate. I want more hate!
(And I’m with Saint Peter–every religious martyr should be sodomised by Satan’s pigs for all eternity.)
So fuck off hymn singing prick and come back Bridgette so we can tell you to fuck off too.
Thank you for your support Smoggy Batzrubble. It can be a lonely vigil here at the gate. Devising creative punishments for the damned is one of my few pleasures. I am preparing a proposal for a new room of torment in hell where Catholic Popes and Bishops will tend African AIDS victims for all eternity while suffocating without dying inside giant condoms.
I’m not sure whether God will permit it. He often smites my ideas.
Smoggy, what the hell are you talking about?? I still have 700.
Damn, so you do. I have a post in with links waiting for approval. It keeps appearing and disappearing and sometimes when I look you are 700 and other times you are 701.
No doubt God will clarify all in due course. In the meantime I bequeath 700 AND 701 to you as a gesture of magnanimity on the back of my several rugby teams’ magnificent successes.
Got any good religious hate lately?
Oops–and I’ve just exposed my alter ego–the mad Saint at the Gate.
No worry–I can’t sustain more than one conversation at a time.
Subject to God’s approval, Saint Peter is up for sale to the highest bidder–but you have to record at least one famous death a day and imagine a suitable punishment for some evil doer.
this is random but…….
DIE HYMN SINGER!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulrp870s7Qw&feature=related
FEAR MY PASTAFARIAN WARRIORS!!!!!
yes I am bored…….
Would you like to become Saint Peter for a while FSM?
why would I do that
To have a break from stinking of meat sauce and noodles?
I feel insulted now…..
oh good
DIE SMOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnlkBm9ZQ1E
I agree with you though FSM, this blog is very boring during my daytime hours when almost no one else is awake. It’s ages since I talked with cracka, or nun, or zeus, or curtis, or josh, or any of the others. In fact, I got so desperate I started making up alter egos.
That’s why I became Saint Peter, abusing the recently dead…
I feel violent today……
…but not many people wanted to chat to Saint Peter about the new arrivals at the Pearly gates…
…so I tried being a hymn singer, but found that it made me become a sanctimonious prat…
So I reverted back to being a very confused Smoggy Batzrubble, just itching for some religious fucker to join the list so I could insult them.
Say goodbye forever Saint Peter and The Hymn Singer…
Good bye forever…
Goodbye forever…
But Smoggy is here to stay…he’s not going anywhere.
Let’s have more HATE people!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xQKhB0J6-w
FEAR MY MANY VIOLENT PASTAFARIAN WARRIORS…..attacking random people…….
Hey FSM … with your long appendages you should find it quite easy to suck yourself off.
You really have no reason whatsoever to feel bored…
(there, that feels better)
…………………..
…………………..
…………………..
What?!
Smoggy it’s Sunday in America. We’re all watching football.
Hey St. Smoggy Singer,
Aren’t the Kiwis having elections this year? Maybe you have some ass clowns running there like we do here that we can poke fun at.
Yes TS, our elections are on 8 November and we have a fair share of ass clowns you could poke the borax at. But I fear they will seem small, petty and meaningless–for that is how they seem to me–and you would quickly get bored.
FSM I am pleased you didn’t understand my gratuitously offensive comment. It shows you are a clean-minded, small-town hick deity after all. I will vote for you if you run for Vice-President.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I hate you God, you pervy creep
If I should die before I wake
Please know, St. Pete, I’m on the make.
God,
Thank You for blessing my Seahawks and thanks for smiting those fucking Patriots.
You’re welcome.
God,
Do You ever look at people and think “I created a bunch of belligerent, ungrateful morons”?
Constantly.
I’d have to agree, God. No offense or anything.
Mmmm…I concur as well. As far as creations go we’ve certainly fucked ourselves up.
Smoggy,
New topic on channel 1
Yippee–thanks shades