Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about something I hate very, very much: impotence. I am not referring to impotence as a general powerlessness that the meek and lowly have; this type of impotence pleases the LORD.
No, I am referring to when a man is unable to raise his penis up towards the Heavens. This is pathetic! Nothing shows a lack of faith like a ‘man’ who can’t get a rock-hard 2-hour erection whenever he needs to.
Now I must admit, as a means of smiting a man that I hate, there is no weapon more useful in humbling man than taking away his ability to fuck. So I do love to use My Floppy-Dick Smite from time to time. It’s highly amusing.
What I hate is, when I have not specifically decided to smite a man with floppy-dick…and yet he STILL has trouble inserting his penis into his woman. There is only one reason and one reason alone for such heresy, and that is a disturbing lack of faith in Me.
Verily, did not My son Jesus (Me) tell you all before that if you have but the faith of a grain of mustard seed, you will be able to tell a mountain to move and it will get up and move?
Then why do you hollow men not command your cocks to get up and move?! This is simple. Because you have no faith! You are blasphemers and cowards and I hate the lot of you!
Verily, those who have faith in Me, shall always get it up, and shall never come too quickly.
Because of you perfidious pansies, every day I must watch millions of My Divine Penis creations sit around neglected and unused…and all thanks to the unmanliness of their owners.
All My Penises desire, all they ever want to do, is to pound away on some pussy! And maybe pee in some snow. But no! You faithless pagan bastards can’t even let them do that! What’s wrong with you?!
Listen, it’s ok. Just relax and breathe. Just relax, and things will take care of themselves, ok human? Breathe. Breathe. I SAID BREATHE DAMN YOU!
What?! What is it? Why can’t you do it? You don’t think that I, the LORD your God, am beautiful?! I don’t make you hot and bothered with faith? Or is it that you don’t think I love you? Why don’t you have faith in Me anymore?!
ERRGH! I HATE YOU! YOU BUTT-FUCKING SODOMITES!
Oh, what’s the use in trying? You know, real men don’t have this problem. Devout men of faith, who pray to Me everyday for penis-help, never have a problem fucking anything, be it too big or too small.
Well, I suppose the good news for Me is I don’t need to waste My Time smiting these bonerless freaks. Their lack of faith is its own punishment.
Let this serve as a lesson to the rest of you: he who does not have faith in The Lord God Almighty, smites himself!
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
unrestrained boners
lasting for more than two hours
seek medical help
super hard boners
lasting for up to 4 hours
are still a good time
Since when did this become haiku class?
I agree. Impotence is a lame joke.
BTW, what are Your thoughts on Viagra? Is it just a method of cheating the Heavenly Order?
Haikus are yesterday–limericks rule. God allowed no impotence in Eden:
“In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Complacently stroking his madam
He was full of mirth, ‘cos he know on this earth
There were only two balls–and he ‘ad ‘em!”
Getting it up is just God’s way of telling you He loves you.
If you can do it just about any time you want, you are probably praising Him passionately for yet another miracle: “Oh God! Oh God Yes! Oh thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU !!!
If you can’t do it, you are probably a heretic. Or a girl.
but pray, my lord, do tell who’s gonna be the next in this penis smiting?
That wily old pervert St. Nick,
Made good use of the curve to his dick,
He glazed the whole shaft,
Painted stripes, then he laughed,
As he offered young ladies a lick.
I’ve never taken Viagra.
However, I once duct-taped two popsicle sticks to Lil’ Mr. Yo Yo.
Limerick day! If I do remember from the first one several months back, all limericks should be prefaced with “Here’s a limerick:”
“Pastor Maury”, said fat Sister Bridget,
A-squirming and all of a fidget,
“I’m sorry to say,
And confess every day,
That I diddle myself with my digit.”
Retroactive addendum to posts # 7 & 10: “Here’s a limerick:”
oh thats better.
Doing my part to make a better, safer, blog.
Here’s a limerick:
A post by popsicled Yo Mama,
Took aim at the dick of Obama,
Whose lipstick, they say,
Looks pig-colored today,
To RePUBIClan cunts high on drama.
GOD HATES ALL OUR FOOTBALL TEAMS!!!
Somebody here must love the Chargers.
Blessed was Smoggy Batzrubble
Who’s prick was more than a nubble
He smiled, “It’s not small,
In fact, I’d call
it about the size of the Hubble!”
Did you see how God smited Palin on SNL!?!?!
“I can see Russin from my house”
Heh, Tina Fey should remain on the show, and do nothing but Palin skits.
that was fantastic…i almost shat myself as soon as she said “my fellow um-mericans”
nun, our teams got smited again.
on the bright side, i pretty much always have a boner!
Cracka,
Our teams got smited bad. Your boys need to learn to punch the ball in the endzone when they’re in the redzone but that Adrian Peterson… goodness. My boys just need a fucking OFFENSE!!
Poor Jets… they got the piss-poor Brett Favre of two seasons ago.
FUCK!
It’s not Brett’s fault…that was just some of the most horrendous and pussy offensive playcalling I’ve ever seen…
Am I the only one that has the impression that God spent the whole weekend watching chicks trying to get their partners’ penises up? Poor God, that must be really frustrating.
You think Mangini was trying to impress his former daddy, Ben?
i think he’s scared shitless of his former daddy Nun…
He probably should be. Belichick cheats.
look, ben, besides shut up, brett favre is not as good as people say he is. i’ve seen just about every game of his career. sorry to break it to you, but the jets still suck.
now, fuck off.
adrian peterson is the best player in the NFL. so, why do the vikings still suck: tarvaris jackson, that’s why.
men with flacid, floppy appendages should hang themselves with their wet noodles. because, if you can’t pound away at some roofied girls dried up twat then you, sir, are not a man.
God,
You know what You should hate? Mother fuckers who like to “spoil”. I ventured into IMDB on Friday and navigated to the page for “Burn After Reading” and some mother fucker started a thread referring to the fate of Brad Pitt’s character. MOTHER FUCKER!! Thanks for spoiling the fucking film, mother fucker!!
Cracka,
I think Jackson has real potential. It’s not my team so I only know what I see but he seems to have talent, he just needs experience.
i wish i was God today. i could smite just about anything that moves.
t-jack (that’s what the jocks call him, i guess they think it’s cool sounding…douchebags) has bad mechanics half the time. and half the time is too much. we’re running out of patience here. he is athletic as hell with an incredibly strong arm, but apparently God smited him with a case of the stupid.
by the way, nun, thanks for sabotaging your gaping pus wound of a gash-hole with crabs! those things itch! we’ll see if i ever roofie your skankin ass again!
wait a minute…i see what’s happening here.
Well, he is black, Cracka.
That was Zeus’ idea. Thanks, Zeus!!
that’s true. stupid negroes.
now, back to the topic at hand. how much do you hate men with erectile dysfunction? on a sliding sun scale of hate?
yeah, gee whiz nun, us guys here are sure curious about your opinion on God’s Floppy-Dick Smite.
I don’t actually give a flying fuck about limp men as long as mine stays rigid.
And my teams didn’t fail! The All Blacks beat the Australian Wallabies to win both the tri-nations trophy and the Bledisloe cup.
The Auckland warriors beat the Melbourne Storm to make the semi-finals of the NRL.
God is a Noo Zillunder and he follows Rugby!
Also, I have a limerick:
A moose-homicider named Palin
Said to old John McCain, who was ailin’,
I may have a clit,
But who’ll give a shit,
When I give them a fucking good nailin’.
I hate impotent penises with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
The topic does beg the question on just what exactly prompted God to express His Divine Hatred on this particular subject. I suspect that God had set Himself down on His Divine Throne with His Divine Bucket O’Popcorn to watch some mortal porn when Ughh… the stupid mortal couldn’t even get it up to stick it in a mortal pussy. Man, I’ll bet impotent-penis-guy got smited so hard. Maybe he’s the Charger fan.
Gaelic football looks like it’s a pretty rough sport.
Y’ think?
Slightly off topic…
Does anyone have any opinion about what God might do to Danica Patrick (see my post 5 under ‘News’)
Heheheheh, you said gay lick, heheheh
This must be why Catholic priest have no trouble getting it up for the altar boys.
God, why must I practically have to stand on my head to piss when I have a boner? Is this a smite?
Nun said, “That was Zeus’ idea. Thanks, Zeus!!” Huh, what?
Haha… Danica has camel-toe.
Zeus,
Cracka and the crabs.. never mind, you were drunk.
zeus, when peeing with boner, you might as well just do it in the bathtub. and she’s talking about the crabs, zeus, the crabs.
so, mcfuckstick and obama are tied in the polls here. minnesota hasn’t voted for a republican since before the dixiecrat exodus. in ‘84 minnesota was the only state that mondale won. now, i’ve got to go around smiting all the old people…again. old people are boring to smite on God’s behalf.
If it weren’t for the wimptastic media there would be know tie. But not to fear. Obama still leads in the electorate votes, whisch as you remember form the stolen election in 2000, is really what matters.
Smite em hard, cracka! And smite the idiots who can’t figure out how to use a ballot.
I would never propagate the spread of crabs, except Chespeake Bay Blue and Alaskan King. They’re delicious. I wonder if Palin’s snatch is infested with Alaskan King crabs?
i’m taking suggestions on how to perform holy smites. keep in mind that i need to get away with it for a while so i can get enough holy smites under my belt to make a difference.
Fortunately, I wear a long laboratory coat at work ’cause I get wood at the drop of a hat and without it, my john thomas is pretty noticeable. They don’t call me “Pony Boy Curtis” for nothing.
I never get boners and struggle even when i try to get one. I also have difficulty getting it up for sex.
I guess I know why now. It’s not cause I have low T, it’s cause I’m atheist. Fuck me i guess.
We can’t fuck you, ABF. You’re bonerless.
Well, I can fuck him, Nun, but only in secret.
Are you happy for Sulu, Curtis? I sure am. You go, gay-japanese-guy.
yeah, i meant that as kind of an ironic metaphor thingie.
Did anybody get smited for that ‘josh is a faggot’ bullshit on Friday?
Nun, I always wondered why Kirk and Spock got all the girls on the original series. I wonder if the next Star Trek will have an openly gay man? (Besides Picard)
Heh… Picard is a FAG!
no Nun, I didn’t see anyone get smited for that. Who should God smite for that anyway?
I actually enjoy the fact that people can say whatever they want sometimes….it looks like God is all for free speech.
Ben,
The person who did it. A whole page of “Josh is a faggot” is not funny. I’m sure Josh would agree and not just because he doesn’t want people knowing his sexual orientation.
ha! josh is in the closet!!
well…to be fair Nun….josh IS a faggot.
oh Ben,
For the last time I will NOT touch YOUR weiner. Stop asking.
Anonymous Bonerless Freak has been banned.
God,
Can You ban the person highjacked Your heavenly blog by pasting page after page of “josh is a faggot”. Thank You God.
Your Humble Servant,
Josh
PS I know it was Random Guy!
Josh,
I think it was Random Guy too. I thought it was kind of obvious but based on some of the replies, thought I was the only one who had come to that conclusion.
Did ABF get banned for not having a boner or for being Random Guy?
Nun, ‘ABF’ as you call him, was banned because he cannot get a boner.
As for this ‘josh is a faggot’ business, the user with that name has also been banned, but not random guy.
Lest you forget, I am a merciful and loving God!
I call him ABF because I’m lazy and it requires far too much effort to write out his whole name. Besides, ‘Bonerless’ really doesn’t compute.
Thanks for clarifying all Your Divine Bannings, God.
I am surprised that ‘josh is a faggot’ guy isn’t Random Guy.
He may very well be one and the same. Yet I pardon him! Pray that I show you as much mercy when your time comes.
random guy must have some raging boner. i mean, to be pardoned for that…some kind of divine penis.
I expect no mercy, God. I’m a woman. But I thank and love You for being merciful and forgiving for men.
Good Nun, good. Your groveling pleases Me. You are welcome.
God is good all the time!
wow God, you sure are an asshole. First you make it so I have very little testosterone, then you ban me? Guess you failed at that too you asshole.
..aaaand let the smiting begin!
I dunno, I’m moving past the raging boner is EVERYTHING stage.
Sometimes, just having a good BM is happiness.
Maybe I should combine these two things, and get a blumpy?
YOYO! you sick old man!!
cracka, what can I say? Anything that combines FiberOne with my favorite hobby is fine by me!
I’ve never eaten at Blimpies, I lose my appetite when I see the name….
what comes after the pooping is everything stage?
death?
Yep.
There’s an intermediate step, you wear adult diapers.
Sigh.
can’t we do that now just for fun? i mean what’s the point of getting off the couch and walking all the way to the bathroom when there’s all that tv to watch?
Like that crazy astronaut lady?
stalking and pooping yourself…does it get any better than that?
nun’s daily vagina:
it has diarrhea. that’s right, her vagina has diarrhea. and if it belches at you, you better get the hell out of the way. you don’t have much time until you’ll be buried neck deep in elephant dung. it’s like a diarrhea volcano.
“you don’t have much time until you’ll be buried neck deep in elephant dung. it’s like a diarrhea volcano.”
Does it burn? Or soffocate you with the smell?
Oh for cryin’ out loud! When I left for the after noon meeting (stupid job) we were talking about boners and now we’re talking about incontinence??
What happened?
Oh, and Ben - #62, we prefer the term “queer” or “gay” you politically incorrect asshole retard.
how do you feel about butt pirate?
haha! retards are retarded!!
Hey Curtis,
I don’t know where you live but do the gays there refer to everyone and every object as “she” as in talking about ice cream “she is delicious and so cold”? Most of my gay friends here do that, now my wife does it.
and you’re right Ben is both a retard and an asshole, but you can’t call him on it when you use the term retard. We prefer mentally challenged, or just “fucked by nature”
curtis is a hillbilly josh. they refer to engines and cows as “she”.
but Ben refers to cows as she too as in “She sure is pretty.” and “she likes it when I put my dick in her butt and pull on her utters at the same time.”
‘utters’?
http://www.google.com/search?q=utters&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF
i’m going to declare that a FACE!
why isn’t nun defending her erupting vagina today?
Josh, in my part of the woods we don’t use “she”. That’s just fagoty. Cracka, how’d you know?
I like “butt pirate” because it makes me sound butch.
how’d i know what?
quiet in here. where’s jew? where’s bloodvork? where’s smelly shitbubble? where’s that guy with the stupid blog?
Butt Pirate? Wasn’t that a regretable sci-fi/porn film, starring Robert Ulrich? It joins that small collection of sci-fi/porn films, like ‘Flesh Gordon’, ‘Sex Wars’, and ‘Star Whores’.
How’d you know I refer to engines and cows as “she”?
arrrrrrr…yer flow’r ‘rangement is fab-yelous.
I wouldn’t know anything about straight porn other than it’s gross.
well, you’re a hick, right?
And I luv what you did to the trailer. Them winda treatments are delish. Purdy, purdy, purdy.
at least our porn has hot women in it!! you gays and your divine erect penises make us sick!! blech!! we puke up chunks like nun’s swollen vajayjay!!
Nun has chunks in her fun pouch? That’s gross.
haven’t you been paying attention? it goes off like old faithful. forty feet up in the air; chunks of stinky, yeasty bacteria colonies.
Somebody really ought to do something about that.
Weellll…I didn’t mean to leave you out, Curtis. Please add ‘Felch Gordon’ to the list.
Cracka, are the chunks like The Blob? Do they consume people? How will we save the world?
Curtis,
Do gays feel like God is targeting them by giving them massive engorged schlongs pulsating like stallions and then forbidding them to poke them up other men’s bottoms?
I hate you, Cracka. I hate you with the white hot intensity of all the suns that God created.
“pulsating like stallions”
Do stallions pulsate?
Oh yes … and much bigger pulses than rams.
…said the man from SheepLand.
…Baaa
I guess it’s all a moooooot point.
Sigh. You all are an embarrassment to Jesus and His Divine Man-Parts.
Yes, Smoggy. We all have HUGE penises and are forbidden to use them in the way we wish. It’s a conundrum. “God loves the gays” my ass!
Since Jesus is Lord and the Lord is immortal and Jesus was Jewish (until he converted to Catholicism) then where pray tell is the Holy foreskin?
Nun, how come cracka says mean things about your fun place all the time and you never hit him back about his schlong?
the reason, anne johnson of the weird religious affiliation, is that i roofie the hell out of her. so, she has never actually seen my penis. she just wakes up sore. it’s devious as hell.
well gosh, the way you talk about it, I’d think you’d prefer Zeus’s Tim Curry blowup.
Ann, I certainly can’t speak for Nun, but since Cracka is straight, his penis is certainly minuscule (all straight men have tiny johnsons) and she probably feels sorry for him.
Just a guess.
He doesn’t have a penis to make fun of, Anne. Sure, I could talk about the mosquito bite between his legs but when something is so pathetic, it’s no fun to mock.
CURTIS!! I love you, boy.
curtis! how could that be true? the odds are infinitecimal! i think you are trying to create stereotypes. why don’t you go get AIDS at a truckstop or something?
I love you too, Nun. Just not THAT way. How about an evening at home tonight drinking martinis and fixing your hair while we watch a Meg Ryan film?
Not funny, small penised Cracka.
of course it’s funny…ask the westboro church.
Omigosh…of all straight men are miniscule…does that mean I’m…?
let’s stop picking on each other and go back to hating asians. what do you guys say?
See? This is how I get to know new people. Curtis has a great big one, as befits an evangelist. Cracka has a mosquito bite, and Nun gets jollied by cheating with Zeus.
It only took me two weeks to figure this all out. Might have taken 10 days if I wasn’t stoned on Oxy.
yup, smoggy, it means you’re straight. gonna be hard breaking to all those horny sheep, huh?
Legally prescribed. Gotta add that disclaimer.
Asians definitely have small johnsons too. That’s not a stereotype it’s a documented scientific study.
Smoggy! Welcome to the club.
look, if i had a tiny penis would i be on here overcompensating for something by tearing other people down and being obnoxious? would i?
I don’t know enough about asians to crack on them about their dick size. Sheltered life, y’know.
Hey Curtis, I watched a British cop show the other night (Lewis: Life Born of Fire) in which a sweet religious gay boy killed himself out of guilt because his lover went to Brazil and had a sex change so that they could live together in an approved cooperative lifestyle.
Does that sound plausible to you. Would a gay who wasn’t a tranny get a sex change? Would a man in love with another man still want them if they’d switched?
Poor Cracka. But look at it this way. Packing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The damn thing is always in the way.
Smoggy.
No.
Besides, didn’t God say that it’s not the size that matters, but only the turgidity?
(Luvvvv that word!)
Now, Anne. Doesn’t size matter to you?
Sorry, Curtis. I cannot stand Meg Ryan movies. Yuck.
Cuz obviously asians can get it up, no matter how small it is. There are millions of them, and more bred every day.
In New Zealand a Maori went swimming, and when he came out of the water his penis had fallen out of his shorts and was trailing in the sand, leaving a long furrow.
He didn’t realize he was so exposed until he saw everyone on the beach laughing and pointing at him, at which point he looked down, saw his exposed organ, and felt crushingly humiliated.
‘What’s the matter?’ he shouted at them. ‘Doesn’t yours shrink when it’s cold?’
How about a Judy Garland musical then?
Yeah, size is important. But note that I’m married to Mr. Johnson. With the name comes the fame.
Curtis! Forget the movie! Help her update her wardrobe!
Anne, you’re not married to the famous Tiny Johnson from Little Inch Town are you?
Curtis… I’m a fag-hag, not a fag. Judy Garland is for you and all my other friends. Let’s go see Cher in Vegas.
And Anne might have a valid point. I have horrible fashion sense.
God, is it safe to say that Rev. Dr. Malcolm Brown has whiskey dick?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/2910447/Charles-Darwin-to-receive-apology-from-the-Church-of-England-for-rejecting-evolution.html
i have great fashion sense
and i can dance
large penis
plus, i’m a pretty boy
but, i’m into poontang.
oh good, cooper is here just in time to shut up.
I thought the plot of that show was stupid Curtis–and you’ve confirmed it.
It got better though. The tranny went around murdering all the religious types who had tried to pray her lover’s gay away. She stuck a red-hot poker through one of the priest’s eyeballs and into his brain
good with hair, too.
maybe i should have been gay…curtis, do you guys have to deal with women bitching at you all the time like we do?
cracka, you are so lying about something! I’ve never met a straight guy who was good with hair. Come clean.
Cracka,
Women bitch at you because you’re a useless male. Your penis isn’t even big enough to insert into anything but a thimble.
Come out of the closet already, Cracka.
Nun, you’re on - Cher it is. Do you BELIEVE she’s as old as she is and still looks that great!
Smoggy, I’m re-thinking that film then if there is so much gratuitous violence. Nothing like a tranny on a killing spree to really make you laugh.
And with that, all of my amusing gravatars, I bid you a fond and fabulous evening.
There was a conflicted buttcracka,
Who wanted to be a fudge packa,
But gays’ standards are high,
Cracka’s style made them cry,
So they flushed him in bits down the crappa.
Curtis, I’m straight, but enjoy Judy Garland movies. Fashion sense isn’t the best (I work in I/S, for me, Casual Friday means wearing my ratty running shoes, not the new ones).
So what does that make me?
Nun, when you and Curtis are finished with your wardrobe, I’ll take the castoffs.
no, johnson, i’m one of those artistic types.
not bad, smuggles. not bad. i approve!
now……..fuck off.
fuck cher. she looks like someone stretched a rubber glove over a manneguin and slapped a wig on it.
Clothing, that is. You can keep cracka.
crap! there’s no g in mannequin! i FACE me!!
Cher is a man.
‘fuck cher.’ Maybe twenty years ago. She’s had so many faces lifts, her vayjay is in her ___________ (fill in the blank).
manneguin = Male penguin.
You didn’t need all those extra letters, cracka.
did too.
no zeus. no lucifer. what’s happening here?
what a beautiful poem smoggy
as 11 comments appear as i press enter
Seriously, I’ve always been convinced that Cher is a dude. I wish Zeus was here. If she is a woman, he’s probably shagged her.
Oh, Noodly Master! I worship you!
Thank you for your kind words FSM.
Here is Smoggy’s last limerick:
Our Almighty Omnipotent God,
Detests most an impotent knob.
If you can’t get it up,
You’re shit out of luck,
And in hell will eternally sob.
Have a good day … night … whatever…
Cher used to be hot, you just didn’t notice because she was always standing so close to Sonny.
hmmmm…
so much to think about.
jamie lee curtis? dude?
Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies = hot dude
Smoggy must have some Irish in his New Zealandish bone.
Jamie Lee Curtis in constipation commercials … sad dude.
Faye Dunaway = definitely dude.
Anyone who plays Queen Elizabeth in a movie = dude.
Now you’ve gone to far Anne Johnson!
Helen Mirren is still pretty hot to be 63, and she’s always had huge tits. I’m no GILF hunter but she could get it.
exhibit a: http://www.postchronicle.com/news/original/article_212159309.shtml
yeah, i’d totally do that, josh. miraculously enough…you seem to be right.
Josh has earned the right to Face me. I totally agree, brother, and I ain’t a lez.
Anne,
You just ruined my FACE by saying I can.
My name is Lucifer, and I approve of God’s message.
If you fail to believe in God so much that you can’t even will your cock to point to Heaven, then you’ll get ass-raped for eternity in Hell by giant-cocked disease-ridden demons.
Hey Lucifer: Please name a few of the most famous hell-dwellers who couldn’t get a boner!
Is St. Patrick with you, Lucifer? I’ll bet he only got hard when he was murdering druids.
Ghandi, Donatien de Sade and Lucrezia Borgia
Was Lucrezia Borgia a dude? Whoa! Who knew?
Curtis,
Cher does look great. These people here are blind.
And it’s already been brought to your attention, Anne but how could you diss Helen Mirren like that?
God,
Please smite the bastards that assume I’m married just because I’ve procreated.
On a serious note: First, let me just say that I’m beginning to get the picture that a lot of you hate my guts because for some reason you take what I say seriously while everyone else gets to sling around cuss words and insults all they want. To that I would just like to say shove it up your ugly fuck holes you fucking retarded cunt faggots. I’ve been here longer than any of you and I understand how we play here. So in conclusion, fuck you all.
Shut up, Ben.
On a silly note: Funky jellybean titty.
I do love you so. In a non-gay sort of longing-for-the-future-when-we’ll-be-almost-roommates way.
I don’t love Ben. He doesn’t know anybody famous and he makes disgusting noises when he withdraws cadberry cream from his dingy.
On a serious note, you don’t really believe we hate your guts, do you, Ben? It’s just your cadberry spurting dingy we hate.
I haven’t been here long at all Ben so have no strong feelings about your guts. Would it help to broaden your repertoire of curses and insults? You seem limited to fuck, cunt and faggot, I’ve always found the Shakespearean insult-generator a nice starting point:
http://www.museangel.net/insult.html#generator
Once you’ve cut your teeth on “cracka, you puking, flap-mouthed bum-bailey” you can begin experimenting:
e.g. “buttcracka, you arse-reaming, vulva-faced splat of whore vomit”.
Feel the love!
Nun….um….yes. Well sometimes.
Smoggy, what other cuss words are there? God’s favorite curse words seem to be cunt and fuck and I agree that they are the best. Are you saying that God is wrong???
And BTW…that insult generator is strictly for cunt fucking faggots.
Ben — if you were still allowed to visit here I would remind you that God is never wrong, so why would I say such a thing?
And I would also remind you that all language is God’s to give and withhold (read up on the Tower of Babel). I am but a simple, short-lived human borrowing the smallest amount I can comprehend from God’s vast library of cursing and damnation, a repertoire he wields in its entirety, at his pleasure, through infinity and beyond.
So shut up and fuck off.
your friend
Smoggy
Ummm… that’s funny… for a minute there you were banned Ben. And now you are back. God must have pardoned you in his infinite mercy.
… or did God just allow me a prophetic vision of your future?
Repent Ben … repent or be damned!
Ben. You’re an asshole. I’ll admit that. Now as you told me three weeks ago (I never forget anything, Bubba)
Shut up.
Well, Cracka’s off getting drunk , so somebody had to say it.
I’m off to watch X-tube now.
Smoggy, I did ban him, and then he prayed and groveled like a little bitch, and so I reconsidered his ban.
You may be a longtime visitor Ben, but you suck at life. I will not ban you. I just demand that you stop posting here or reading my posts.
God, You are All-Wise and All-Merciful—even to grovelling, undeserving bitches like Ben—but please hear my prayer and don’t extend Your mercy to that small-town revolving door Sarah Palin.
Your servant Smoggy
Amen
Ben,
I don’t care what the others say about you, I think you’re someone special who dares to go places that they would never even think of. I celebrate your wavatar’s striking sophistication!
Hey God, I think You made a typo! You wrote “…he STILL has trouble inserting his penis into his woman” when clearly You meant “women,” plural.
No, Bernie. I did not make a typo. I do not make typos. I am perfect.
That was meant to be used in the singular form. Here, let Me put this Divine Passage into plural as you think it should be:
“What I hate is, when I have not specifically decided to smite a man with floppy-dick…and yet he STILL has trouble inserting his penis into his women. There is only one reason and one reason alone for such heresy, and that is a disturbing lack of faith in Me.”
See, that does not make ANY sense. At least not for a human man. I am the Only One who can insert his penis into several women at once.
Correcting God!
Now you’re got trouble Bernie…
Bernie.
It also doesn’t make sense that a man with floppy-dick “has” more than one woman, even if he only penises one at a time.
Dear Jealous
since I don´t belive in you and you therefore don´t excist I think I can risk pointing out a little error in your Divine thinking.
I´m a baby eating heathen atheist but i still get it up and working (like all that short johnsoned asians).
Did you miss half the world with your Divine not-get-it-up smiting or where you too busy talking to Bush to guide his Holy Jihad for Oil, ahm.. I mean War on Terror of course, to notice?
(I´m so getting smiten for this)
On a different, more serious note. Anyone who did´t had the chance to see a major Rugby game in a small english pub surrounded by a bunch of locals did not live.
Dear Idiot,
God never said that if you don’t believe Him, you’ll get smote with not-getting-it-up. He said that if you can’t get it up, it’s because you don’t believe in Him. You still have your smiting coming, but it will be totally random and devastating.
And excist isn’t a word.
Lucifer:
“God never said that if you don’t believe Him, you’ll get smote with not-getting-it-up. He said that if you can’t get it up, it’s because you don’t believe in Him.”
well, i´m confused. Isn´t that one and the same? God works in unfathomable ways.
God allready smote me with bad spelling skills - that´s devastating (or it could be that english is only my second language).
No, it’s not the same! God smote you with dim intelligence already. If your car doesn’t run because it has no gas, it doesn’t mean that if you put gas in a trash can you can ride it to work.
fuck.
[...] this instance, I suddenly remembered how much I hate both boner pills and impotence while watching the NFL on Sunday. Almost every commercial break included three advertisements for [...]
On this day, 21 September 2008, I, Smoggy Batzrubble of Noo Zillund, son of Mama Batzrubble (deceased in childbirth) and Papa Batzrubble (serial killer–executed), post this message in praise of Almighty God, the Omniscient, the Omnipotent, and the Fiercest SMITING Bastard in the universe, who has granted me a great victory in my contest with the Pagan Priestess Anne (spitting staples) Johnson.
For evidence to support my faith I refer you to “God on the Internet” postings 600 and 609.
Praise be to God. This message is posted on every thread in HIS honor.
Signed
Servant Smoggy
AMEN
Thank you god for my potency… Even with my lack of faith in you…
If you want to be an iPad tester click on [url=http://www.freebies4.com]iPad free[/url]