-
- Coward that he is, Ganesh dies instantly.
-
- Not smiling now, huh bitch?
-
- Meditate on that, bluey.
-
- I savored this victory.
-
- That pedorast Prophet Mohammed....
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- ....was vanquished by My Awesome Racial Slur Power.
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- Some random douche I never heard of before.
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- Xenu, whoever that is, burned to a crisp.
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- I AM THE ONE AND ONLY GOD! WORSHIP ME!!!
CARIDAD on 
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Fuck that trash on 
Bless yourself my lord for defeating all those wannabe deitys!!!
yeah, good job showing those punks who’s still in charge God dude…and congrats on being the new undisputed UDC Title Holder.
And thanks for the chance to smite all those stupid cultural artifacts in the background. Makes all the KOing worthwhile.
God! It took You long enough!
God,
Did You stay up all night playing this? I do love the way Your representative in that game says “Worship Me!” when He wins a round.
Nun - I did! It took Me several more hours, but I relied heavily on your tip of jumping and kicking a lot and got there.
…
Worship Me!
I do worship You, Dear Lord. Every chance I get.
I got lucky with the jumping and kicking… that sneaky clit-cutter Muhammad frightened me when he used his devilish terrorist tricks to disappear so being the cowardly mortal that I am, I just jumped and kicked and then WHOA!! I was beating the shit out of that terrorist asshole and he was still invisible. I couldn’t have done it without You, God. You gave me the strength to go on when my fingers just wanted to stop and roast a bowl.
You go, God! And you’re right, Ganesh is such a pussy.
nice shit God. You need some more fucking games we could play. yo, could you hook me up with these?
GodKart - like Mariokart but for God
Super God World - also like mario…yo whatever…I like mario.
Godball - combine football, bball and golf, except with like planets adn shit?
Mario is okay but Link is better. I think there should be some kind of game where God goes up against Link. That’d be wicked cool!!
“Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” Exodus 34:14
People say the same about Muhammad, Bridgette. You’ve got one deity out of many and you’re no different than an extremist Muslim.
so, technically speaking, if you don’t worship anything because you’re not a superstitious caveman then god won’t get jealous. but, you could play him if you want like nun does by fucking another god…like maybe zeus in a johnny depp costume. that way, god will come back to you and resume the co-dependency. you depend on him as an intellectual pacifier, he depends on you for some form of existence. it all works out.
bridgette? you didn’t happen to be driving through a hospital parking lot yesterday.
I depend on Zeus for good sex while he’s manifested as a hottie of our choosing.
why is it always old testament shit she’s quoting, too? bridgette worships the vengeful god who wields the flaming sword of justice and has appeared in many famous works of art by such renowned fags as leonardo da vinci and michelangelo.
bridgette is fat
Because she’s a wacko that is incapable of rational thought. She is also intolerant and arrogant.
so Bridgette, you’re saying that the God we know here is exactly like the God from the Bible? Jealous and insane? Cause, we would all agree with you about that.
also, that you are fat and stupid.
fat AND stupid? jesus, ben…just shut up, will you?
God, you’re ugly. No wonder you’re jealous of other gods. They’re all better looking, even Zeus. Even Xenu, or whoever the fuck.
Thanks be to Bridgette for pointing out one of God’s big fat flaws.
Anne,
Why are you always so mean and hateful to my God??? It makes me sad, Anne.
Bridgette probably has a cross and maybe some rosary beads when the bible says more than once not have any carved images.
Deuteronomy 4:16: so that you do not become corrupt and make for yourselves an idol, an image of any shape, whether formed like a man or a woman,
Deuteronomy 27:15 : Cursed is the man who carves an image or casts an idol—a thing detestable to the LORD, the work of the craftsman’s hands—and sets it up in secret.
Then all the people shall say, “Amen!”
she’s into that pasta guy, i think. she’s right, though, bridgette really did us a favor by warning us to steer clear of a serious relationship with god. first couple of months it’s all surprise gifts, rose petals, backrubs, shit like that. then, before you know it he’s forbidding you from talking to your friends, locking you in the bathroom when he leaves the house, smacking you around because he thinks your checking out other gods’ asses. fuck. thanks, bridgette.
Bridgette plays this game all the time as God while repeating that quote and fingering herself.
I ain’t hatin’ on God, but I don’t like jealous dudes. What cracka said. Who needs some god going into a freakout if you go to your neighbor’s Santeria barbecue?
God doesn’t freak out if you go to a Santeria BBQ. He just pulls up in His car and quietly sits out front, then takes notes on what’s going on while looking through his binoculars. Then He just damns you to hell.
I mean if you don’t like God just get a restraining order. The thing is you do like him because when he beats you, you know you deserve it.
Bridgette isn’t making any sense! What other god have we been worshipping? We’re only worshipping Jealous. And we’re playing The Game as Jealous and kicking the shit out of the other gods. Does she think that kicking the shit out of the other gods is in any way a form of worship? Maybe that’s what her husband tells her each time she clumsily “slips in the shower” or “walks into a door”: he worships her.
Josh, she does talk a lot.
I forgot God’s real name is Jealous. Bridgette, you’re a Jealous-send.
No Nun for you.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080826/od_nm/nuns_odd_dc
you guys are funny fucks.
josh sure knows a lot of convenient bible verses.
is there some sort of fundamentalist lunatic search engine i don’t know about, josh?
in Jealous’ name we pray,
amen.
crap:
shut up, cooper.
God’s name is Jealous??? I always thought it was Howard. As in “Our Father, Howard by thy name”.
Huh, well I’ll be Jealous Damned.
*be
Josh said:
“God doesn’t freak out if you go to a Santeria BBQ. He just pulls up in His car and quietly sits out front, then takes notes on what’s going on while looking through his binoculars. Then He just damns you to hell.”
LMAO. you know Josh, one day you’re lame and eaisly offendable, and then the next day you go and totally redeem yourself! Praise be to God.
Josh, I don’t think Bridgette has rosary beads. That’s pretty much a Roman Catholic thing (the one TRUE religion) and Bridgette is most definitely a fundamentalist Bible thumping idiot who drives around in a beat up Pontiac with Jesus bumper stickers praising the virtue of the King James Bible and empty donut boxes on the back seat. Just a guess of course.
Ben. His name is Jealous. Get with it.
just when i thought you couldn’t possibly get any dumber you go and do something like this…
AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!!!
well, it’s a little more than just a guess now, curtis. we got an eyeball witness description.
Curtis, Bridgette sounds like a Catholic name to me. I bet she lapsed into fundamentalism. She probably rides a Jesus-hog and wears her rosary beads as a biker chain.
Smoggy. That is a disturbing image.
Cracka. You think I’m dumb? Ouch!
Brigitte is French, that explains a lot.
http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSL1584799120080415?feedType=RSS&feedName=entertainmentNews&rpc=22&sp=true
Don’t let the image disturb you Curtis. Just be glad for Bridgette that she has something big and powerful vibrating between her legs.
Shut up, Cooper.
Ben, I’m not easily offendable I just hate being bored, but I am lame. You’re dead on with that one.
Uppity, I used to be super religious so I know a bunch of stuff about the bible. I’ve read that book more times than I care to mention. So now I have all this crap in my head and use it against people pushing the bible on me and fat midgets like Bridgette.
The worst thing about having been super-religious is the self-loathing, isn’t it Josh? Having let them fuck with your head for so long.
word to your mother smoggy, word to your mother.
Mama Batzruble died giving birth to me. She seemed happy…
Smoggy, Josh, I spent two years in a fundamentalist Bible College. Tell me about it!
Shit Curtis, and you escaped! Did they do the electrode thing?
i was raised by a bible thumping preacher dad (literally, my dad is a preacher) so i know that pain, my friend. used to have the bible memorized, too. i self medicated all those memories away. all better now. where my pills at?
I used to cart around an NIV study bible in a leather case (the leather bit I liked).
Curtis, did they try to pray away the gay?
http://www.lovegodsway.org/
if you carve a compartment out of the middle of your bible it’s a fine place to stash your illegal anxiety narcotics.
Yeah Curtis, and did they pray for your hair to change color at the same time?
Yeah Curtis, and did they pray for your hair to change color at the same time?
holy fucking shit:
http://www.lovegodsway.org/GayBands
look at some of the bands on here.
uppity, just watch the video here (this is like 2 years old dude)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW4Ym9IS7Ks
Hey cracka–that’s like the Shawshank Redemption where Rim-job Tobbins had a bible with a hole for a rock hammer. What a fuckwit–he could’ve been stashing narcotics.
you tube is blocked at work, josh. i’ll check it out when i get home. meanwhile, here are my favorites from the gay band list:
Marilyn Manson (dark gay)
Morrissey(?questionable?)
George Michael (texan)
Ted Nugent (loincloth)
Frank Sinatra
Britney Spears(kissed Madonna)
Elton John(really gay)
their words, not mine. and a lot of the bands on there aren’t gay at all. some of them are kind of homophobic even.
was frankie blue eyes really a butt pirate?!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loincloth. hahaha!
uppity, does this work?
http://www.eveningservice.com/Video
was frankie blue eyes really a butt pirate?!!!!!!!!!
No–just Frankie brown eye
‘fraid not, josh. damn IT!!!! damn them for me, God!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!
(loincloth)
Cracka,
I was a P.K. too. Man, it really sucked.
Hey, so was I. Do you think everyone here had ‘Parents for Jesus’
It would certainly explain a whole lot.
Interesting how many of us here have bent pseudo religious back grounds. Actually, at the Bible College, I had sex with the Dean. A lot. I was then practically asked to leave after they had a night long prayer session (read that torture) and wouldn’t repent.
Come to think of it. That was a really fucked up place!
Curtis,
You’re a gay heathen and you’re going to HELL!!
holy crap, we’re all PKs or former zealots??!! it’s all coming into focus now. curtis, was the dean good at least?
I’ll bet Bridgette loves that website on #61.
yeah, curtis…HELL!!! where you’ll be forced to sleep with frank sinatra over and over and over again!!
interpol’s a great band. they are not gay, but they do wear the fitted designer suits and trendy NY haircuts…i guess they kind of seem gay.
Cracka, nope. Not really. He was sweaty and too quick. My parents weren’t clergy, but we were at Church every time the doors were open.
Nun, thanks! I heard you get sodomized in Hell. Woot!
Frank Sinatra? I hope the younger version at least. That would be hot! “I did it his way”.
Hey Curtis–you’re in good company. The 19th C missionary William Yate was driven out of the church for ‘unnatural acts’
(In New Zealand, Yate’s fellow missionaries imposed rough justice: after “a solemn day of fasting and humiliation”, they burnt all his goods, shot his unfortunate horse, and renamed his mission station “The Vale of Achan”.)
Wow. They shot the horse? That’s hard core.
I was raised by a Southern Baptist pastor who was not my real father and believed whole-heartedly in ’spare the rod, spoil the child’… until he had his own kids. I’m surprised I’m not dead.
Fucking Christians!!
Nun, Southern Baptist. Yikes!
You said it, Curtis. And we’re not black so you know it wasn’t about the singing and praising Jesus.
Yeah–hitting someone too little to hit back is real caritas. Perhaps God would smite all the fucking, cock-sucking, cunt-licking, anal-probing child-beating Christian bastards who think hurting small children gets them into paradise.
And the horse-shooters too…
Well no wonder we’re all drawn to this blog after having varying degrees of religious zealots influence our childhoods. They do an awful lot of damage don’t they? All in the name of God. (Which, thanks to Bridgette, I’ve learned is actually “Jealous”)
Sad.
And with that, I’m off to a meeting. Stupid work.
i would like to thank bridgette for making today both enlightening and freaking hilarious.
thanks, bridge!!!
you fat cunt!!!!!
Smoggy,
If there is a Heaven then I think a bunch of “Christians” are going to be in for a big surprise when they die. Most of those people have already been smited by miserable existences.
Yeah Nun–that’s the kicker isn’t it? You almost wish there was an afterlife just so they could all know how stupid they’ve been. (and how they’ve fucked up the world for everyone else, just because they shit their pants when they think about dying)
Getting too serious here!
Go and fuck a camel Bridgette!!!
Bridgette has made a good point. I was sittin’ pretty on top of Mt. Olympus. Millions of followers from the British Iles to the Indus River Valley - I was all like there’s enough love to go around, worship Apollo, Aphrodite, Ares - whatev’! Just give me goats and virgins and wine and I’m good. The Germanic tribes called me Oden and then the Romans came along and called me Jupiter. Kinda gay, but whatev’. Just give me goats and wine and virgins and I’m good. Sure I had my moments of wrath and smitings like the Titans that I crushed, but then BAM!! You wake up one day after ensuring stupid GOD-followers are thrown to the lions BUT then they’re taking over Rome holding a stupid Council and forcing the Emporer to convert on his death bed. Then all of the sudden I’m a “myth.” Oh yeah, I’m a myth. No more wine, no more goats, and only occasionally virgins.
The next thing I know I gotta go out and get a stupid job, work my way through law school ’cause no I get no freakin’ tithings - not one F*in’ goat! Now, I’m slogging hours at a law firm - all so I can live a decent life and drive a crappy BMW when I used to have pimpin’ golden chariot! And did I mention the virgins. So, unless GOD wants to go the way of “myth” then he damn well better stay jealous. I might I say he’s been doin’ a really good job of it. Man, I wish I were more jealos just like GOD. Good thing I can still do stuff like turn in to Tim Curry Sex Dolls and Gillian Anderson.
Zeus,
Numbers 11:18 (NLV) “The Lord has heard your whining and complaints”
And Ewan McGregor… he’s got a mammoth penis. You have to take the form of Ewan, Zeus.
smoggy-”You almost wish there was an afterlife just so they could all know how stupid they’ve been”
i’ve thought about that so many times.
i’ve also wished that i was gay so i could freak people out. but, noooooooooo, i’m into the poontang. stupid poontang.
Poontang’s not so bad–try substituting “Poontang” for “Jesus” when you read the bible and it gets a whole lot more interesting
Zeus,
Can you manifest as someone for purposes other than sex?
Yeah–could you manifest as Billy Graham and get yourself photographed sucking Tim LaHaye’s cock?
yeah, cuz i could really use someone to clean up after sex. maybe a puerto rican?
Nun, I’ve never really tried. It’s always about sex. No freakin’ way Smoggy! As much as I’d love to see Graham publically humiliated a big giant hypocrate ther is know way I am blowin’ pipe to do it! Wheat thin, the only Puerto Rican I have manifested as is Rico Suave and that was just to get sweet Puerto Rican poontang.
I don’t want to turn you into my personal servant like some of the freaks here, Zeus. I just want you to manifest as Gillian Anderson so I can take you around to all my friends and show you off.
Nun, definitely Ewan. He’s cool. Was supposed to be Bind but turned it down. I mean how cool do you have to be to turn down Bond. And if hypothetically I were mortal, I have been told I look a little like him. Can we get his wife, Eve Mavrakis, in on the action too??
Yeah, and I’d still like to face-plant myself on her pussy.
That was Gillian Anderson’s muff I was talking about.
I don’t blame him for turning down Bond. He got screwed by Star Wars and probably didn’t want to set himself up again. Ewan is probably one of the coolest dudes around… I’m surprised I didn’t think of him sooner. And if you were a mortal and looked like Ewan, I’d kidnap you forever.
If any of these actors read this blog then they probably hate each and every one of us for objectifying them. Except for Duchovny, he just loves attention.
Bollocks Nun–their careers depend on being objectified–just like Jesus.
cracka, PRs don’t clean up that’s mexicans. Get your shit right.
Shame, shame, shame Smoggy. She’s about to give birth and you’re objectifying her. There’s nothing wrong with objectifying men because they’re only good for one thing anyway.
for a cracka, i’m not a very good racist, huh? you’d think i’d know my shit better than this.
Josh and Wheat Thin, you both suck as racists. PRs clean up in Miami and Chicago and Mexicans in California and Texas. Jeesh. And Nun, I can also fix a toilet, run electrical wire, build wals, and take out the trash so I’m am good for more than just one thing. And I’m waiting for my kidnapping.
Smoggy, don’t think I diddn’t see that yesterday. Know freakin’ way you are muff diving me as Gillian Anderson. As I said yesterday “no sausage.”
Smoggy since you are in New Zealand, do the toilets flush in reverse and does all the blood rush to you head since you are upside down and isn’t it like 6 A.M. so what the hell are you doing up blogging?
Zeus, do you have smiting power? ‘Cause that Wheat Thin said I was dumb and now I’m all bleary eyed. All I ever wanted to do was go “drinking” with him and sing show tunes. Can’t you throw a lightning bolt up his ass or something? Please? For me? Your favorite gay hillbilly?
Zeus
I don’t know about the toilets–we never flush in Noo Zillun.
And all the extra blood in our heads makes our tongues big and swollen–which you’d find out for yourself it you’d do the Gillian Anderson thing.
And we start work early, just so we can insult the credulous dipshits on the other side of the world.
We all know Wheat Thin is in the closet, but that means if you ask him to go “drinking” he is naturally going to lash out. I don’t see the problem with the show tunes though. I often break into versus of Modern Major General from Pirates of Penance. What Thin go sing show tunes with Curtis or it’s a lighting bolt for you. Sure I don’t have the smiting powers of GOD but you better beleive it will hurt. And Curits, it will not be “up his ass.” Jeesh.
That’s gorss Smoggy. Not the non-flushing the swollen tongue. And don’t lie. You start work early so you can hit the pub early.
Thank you non-myth deity Zeus. I’d start worshiping you, but you know how Jealous would get. The only thing I’m in the closet about is being a Gilbert and Sullivan fan.
HA!! Cracka! Who’s dumb now?!?
“don’t lie. You start work early so you can hit the pub early”
Ya got me Zeus–with tongues as swollen as ours we have to get our beer in saucers and lick it up (all the while standing ankle-deep in the toilet overflow). As you can imagine it takes a lot longer to get pissed.
Zeus, you are a lying douchebag. You never arrived in Great Britain until your damn Roman conquerors brought you, and it was a short stay. Stop trying to grab what ain’t yours.
That includes Mohammad’s virgins, Zeus. Hands off!
Notice that Jealous doesn’t promise anyone virgins in His heaven. They all belong to Jesus. Nun, find yourself a good earthly dude and stop flirting with this god trash.
You tell ‘em Goddess Annie
Anne,
Good earthly dudes suck. Except for Der Dude… I like the idea that he has a commune in Costa Rica. As for the flirting, who am I flirting with that you think I should stop? I can’t even tell when I’m flirting anymore… that’s how sexy I am.
Zeus,
How does a mortal go about kidnapping a deity? I sure wouldn’t mind having you around… my very own shape-shifter and I do get tired of doing my own handyman work. Although, after reading what Smoggy has to say, I’ve been thinking about kidnapping a New Zealander as well. Hey Smoggy, does your tongue stay swollen once you cross the equator????
Damn it Johnson! You always pop up just in time to piss me of as I’m getting ready for wine and goats and tonight’s rendevous with Nun as Ewan. Britian, I got there at least. I made sure the Roman legions went around smiting all the Druids too! And I love Mohammed’s virgins. Mmm, Lebanese lookers and Persian princesses. Yummy.
“Hey Smoggy, does your tongue stay swollen once you cross the equator????”
No sorry Nun–once I cross the equator all the blood rushes to my penis.
WooHoo!!! Nun has gots to get herself a Smoggy.
Zeus,
Anne just likes to see you angry and worked up. I must admit, it turns me on as well.
Good one Smoggy.
Don’t worry, Zeus. Your multi-purpose, ever-changing cock is still number 1 in my book.
Sounds like you’ve got it Zeus.
But about this Gillian Anderson thing…
Nun. For the love of Jealous. Grab Smoggy, haul his tight butt across the equator, and give Zeus the heave-ho. Or just give him the ho. Cuz you deserve better. Word.
Now I’m gonna go see if Obama looks as good on t.v. as Neil Armstrong did when he jumped onto the moon. Ever been to the moon, Zeus? Ever been mooned, Zeus? It’s high time.
Thanks for the wrap Goddess Annie,
Hey Zeus–if you only do it with women. does that mean that when you turn into Gillian Anderson you become a lesbian?
Now we’re getting down to hidden secrets!!! I’m gonna tell Curtis you and he have a lot more in common than you’re prepared to admit…
Anne,
Zeus can take the form of anyone or anything I desire. That gives all new meaning to the term ‘role-playing’. I cannot, in good conscience, pass that up.
Hey Jealous,
Are you jealous of Barack Obama? Because I so wish I’d winked at him the day they integrated the public swimming pool.
Thanks Nun!
Damn it Johnson!! And not I haven’tbeen to the moon. There is no wine and sarifical goats there. I have been to the mountain top though.
Smoggy yes, technically I would be a lesbian, but I would still totally be getting off on it thinking like a man. And would you shut up about Gillian Anderson!! I don’t want your engorged Kiwi tongue near me!!
See what you did Johnson! You get me upset and my giant deity fingers can’t type!
What about my engorged Kiwi johnson? I’d cross the equator to play hide the sausage with GA.
[sigh] Shutup Smoggy!
Seriosly Johnson, It’s pretty sweet being able to seduce as a Sandy, Curry sex doll, or Depp…Inever really got why being a goose was seductive, but hey, whatever floats the lady’s boat!
I’ve got Zeus so he can’t spell worth shit.
It’s like a Jealous-damned MasterCard commercial.
Smoggy’s shutting up and signing off great god Zeus
–I have to go and rassle up a few engorged New Zealand sheep.
Yee-haw!!!
Smoggy not only has an engorged tounge and doesn’t flush his upside down Kiwi toilet, he is also now into engoreged sheep. That is quite the step down from Gillian Anderson.
Quite. Smoggy’s a bit of a freak, I think.
Baaa
GRAAGHHHH! I hate druids >:(
Jealous-damned fucking druids!
This Gravatar fails to show my disapproval!
…stuperug?
Have I sinned father that my name has been altered? I shall fast that ye may return me to normal.
I forgive you. Now go get yourself a sandwich Padraig.
It’s a miracle!
Behold and take heed! The LORD GOD hath provided.
(but seriously, no more anal in my cathedral)
Zeus,
Let’s just stick to McGregor, Sandy, Depp and Curry-sex-dolls. You manifesting as Duchovny may no longer be appropriate or comfortable. Damn shame too… such a nice, fat cock.
how about lee marvin or jack palance? they were old looking their whole lives, sure, but they were tough as hell. you know, like a MAN…i mean, why do you want to sleep with these girly boys so bad? ridiculous. it’s getting so a man has to wax his asshole to get any love from the females. pretty soon we’ll be shaving OUR legs.
I’m sorry, Cracka. I just get crazy when people insult Ewan. He’s got a HUGE dick but he’s uncircumcised so God probably hates him.
i felt nostalgic, so i reread the boy scouts post and the comments. those were funny, funny times. the jew at his finest. and, oh, bridgette.
God’s blog is boring when there’s nobody here to make smart-ass, off-the-cuff remarks.
without the snide remarks it’s just a glowing screen in my face.
Nun,
“There’s nothing wrong with objectifying men because they’re only good for one thing anyway.”
Woman, you done took the words right outta my mouth. You did forget that they’re also good for free shit, like dinner, presents, occasionally money, and movie tickets.
Totally off subject, but McCain’s VP pick? Nice! Palin may be a woman, but she’s also an NRA supporter, pro-life, a hunter, and has five screaming idiot brats. Additionally, she’s from Alaska. GROSS.
Hey Jealous, you should smite that whore.
McCain is too old to even know what he’s doing. The sad thing is, I’m afraid he’ll get the Presidency. Other countries look better and better every day.
Crystal said: “You did forget that they’re also good for free shit, like dinner, presents, occasionally money, and movie tickets.”
Nah… guys have a tendency to think they’re entitled to your puss if they pay for things.
“guys have a tendency to think they’re entitled to your puss if they pay for things.”
hos have a tendency to think they are entitled to your money if they sleep with you, so that one goes both ways.
so, can i buy you a drink?
Uhhh… no. You’ll just roofie me again.
(sigh)
i promise not to roofie you this time.
so I know God gets a three day weekend, but with labor day, does He take a 4 or 5 day vacay?
I need to feed on some of his hate. I loved that boy scouts post too cracka. I like the ones that are the most offensive; boy scouts, dead soldiers, cancer patients, patrick swayze, onions on pizza.
God needs to do more posts like that. those ones really mind fuck me.
shut up, ben.
ah, great moments in divine blogging:
was it science?: “i was just about to kill this one dumb baby that i hate when…”
atheists: “murder the suicidal, rape the retarded”
ooooooooohhh…the times we’ve had
shut up.
and now all God cares about is playing videogames. you lazy asshole. hate more!
ok, i’ll shut up now.
God wouldn’t observe Labor Day… that’s an American holiday.
I don’t know what it is with these people at the hospital today, but obviously the cafeteria ladies put a big dose of stupid in the oatmeal. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is trying to piss me the hell off and it’s working. FUCK this place!
Thank you for letting me vent. Now I will go back to being the jovial gay hillbilly you’ve come to expect.
I don’t usually partake, but I swear Nun, I’d gladly join you in a bowl of chiba.
it’s because you work in healthcare. it’s just the way it goes. the same people ask me the same questions everyday. how do you not remember from the 82 times you asked me last week? is it that hard to not be stupid?! now, i just give them smartass answers to everything. just like the real me who lives in this computer.
Anytime, Curtis, anytime my cute little gay hillbilly.
Hey, St. Pat, you ferret-fart: Druids hate you too. We wear orange on your day. As for Bridgette, I wonder if she knows she has a pagan name? Probably her full quiver mama ran out of good Bible names like Mary and Martha and Rachel and Leah. And Dinah who blew the wrong horn.
Hey Jealous, you must hate the crap outta Louisiana. What’s down there that you don’t like? Voodoo and shit? I’ve never been there, so I can’t imagine what it is that pisses you off about New Orleans.
Did I miss that post too?
Isn’t there a lot of black people in Louisiana? God isn’t too fond of Africa so maybe there’s a correlation.
Yeah that might be it. The black people always get hit hardest in these storms. Good job smiting those black folks, Jealous. It’s high time you reward all those KKKers for their devotion to you.
Is salad tossing a sin when it’s not gay salad tossing?
I went back and read the boy scout post. Well, Jealous, if you kill enough black people with your holy hurricanes, you won’t have to worry about them infiltrating the boy scouts.
Also, Jealous, you should be big enough to acknowledge the help you get from the government to make your smiting hurricanes worse.
Only gay men toss salad properly. The only thing straight men toss properly is cookies.
Hey Zeus, if you do my laundry I’ll let you see my tattoo.
Zeus, you’re not helping my case to un-ban anal.
Know way. I don’t do Laundry or Windows…or men but that’s a different conversation. Can I still see your tatoo?
I don’t think God will ever un-ban anal. Jeez in his eyes even straight anal is no, no which has me goin’ straight to hell. Whoops I mean, I’ve never done that God.
No laundry, no tattoo. Go play with Nun.
I defintely dig the whole VouDou (or Voo Doo depending) thing. I was just in New Orleans and although she’s been dead for 128 years Marei Laveau is a serious hottie and very fertile. Jeez, 15 kids.
Johnson,
Do you have a Driud staff and robe? Are you a member of the OBOD? Are you mono- or poly-theistic? Just information gathering for God so he can make an educated decision on how badly to smite you.
You can toss my salad, Zeus… if I was into that kind of thing which I’m not because I think God hates that.
Is licking booty acceptable, God??
Nun,
What happened to Duchovny? Why is he off the list now? Too much of a vain dork. Which is an amazing combination, must be his schlong size.
Yeh–voodoo. Heh! Heh! It’s Baron Samedi for me–the whole coffins and phalluses thing.
I asked that but I think God is off playing video games. In fact I have asked a few questions recently and have had none answered. Perhaps I am approaching a smiting? Maybe God is bored with His Divine Blog and has abandoned us to talk for eternity about completely random mundane, sexist, racist, and sexually explicit topics?
Ahh, Smoggy Live and Let Die. That was one of the best Bond movies. The Oh Cult Shop Clerk is a hottie. I wish Bond would of have double O sevened her but CIA Agent Rosie Carver was an okay conquest. But, Solitaire much hotter than Miss Caruso.
Maybe God is full of hate for us today. He seems to feel that way on occasion. Speaking only for myself, I always feel special when God directs His Divine Hatred in my direction.
As for Duchovny… he is vain which is why I’d rather have you impersonating Duchovny than Duchovny himself. He also is going to rehab for a sex addiction so it probably isn’t nice to tease him with the idea of a deity getting sex in his form when he has to rehab himself to not want so much sex. Poor dude. Karma is such a cunty, bitchy whore.
Live and Let Die is excellent Zeus–but in the books the servants of the Zombie King turn up in Dr No.
Blind Chinese-Negro hitmen!
Who could write a book about Chigroes these days? How brilliant is that. Just think how many medals they would win at the paralympics.
i have nothing to say.
but i can’t bare to say nothing.
FACE!!!!!!
Rehab for sex addiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a tanker truck load of crap! I totally would never seek help for sex addiction. If you are going to be addicted to anything that is absolutely the best thing to be addicted to. How would you even know you are addicted to sex? “Jeez, doc I just want to fuck all the time.” Well, duh, you famous, a guy, and have a big cock. Maybe he doesn’t know how to cuddle, huh Johnson?
Good one Smoggy. And now that we know you have read James Bond rather then just seen the movies we can confirm you as a Kiwi.
new zealand means two things:
flight of the conchords
place where they filmed lord of the rings
smoggy, is gollem that hot in person?
We don’t have movies in Noo Zillun.
Oh…except for the fat Peter Jackson fuck who ruined my nice city by bringing all those cock-knob hobbit actors in to piss in the fountains.
SOMETHING NEEDS TO GET SMITED SOON!!
Who’d know cracka.
Gollum is so busy butt-fucking his other personality he doesn’t talk to any of us lesser-Zillunders anymore.
I have the same reaction to seeking rehab for a sex addiction, Zeus… why the fuck would anybody want to change that??? Unless you fuck everyone and everything you see… that might be a problem.
The problem with Bond films now is there are no unique ways of killing people. No more deadly hat throws, no pool of sharks or alligators, no Giant laser beams, shooting people into the vaccum of space. I wonder if God has ever smited people with these tactics? Certainly he has smited people with shark and alligator attacks but specifically ppols of sharks and alligators, hmmm?
Well, I suppose if he the goldfish stop moving when he comes into the room for fear fo getting buggered then I suppose it’s time for rehab. You have to have some amount of control. Even I, Zeus, have standards.
yes, that’s how he smited this guy i used to know who was the high priest of this weird cult in india somewhere, i want to say. anyway, this guy would chant all weird and rip out your heart…fucking lunatic. stupid slave labor mining, too.
God does his best smiting with meteors. Why doesn’t he do another one of those and start all over with a new round of beings to hate?
Oh I know why–that fuck Bruce Willis will just blow it to pieces again. Bald cunt.
is that why nun calls her junk bruce willis?
Great, both Wheat Thin and Smoggy are so dilusional that they belive the movies they’ve seen are real. Smoogy, is all the blood in your upside down head affecting your mental capacities? Wheat Thin, I don’t know what your excuse is except that you are PR TT.
Nun, you call your catcher’s mit Bruce Willis?
Because my puss blows shit to pieces or because it’s a bald cunt? I’m confused, Cracka.
I wasn’t aware of that, Zeus but God and Cracka only know what I do when I’m roofied to the gills. Cracka’s a freak.
Movies aren’t real?
Are they mythical, then?
God, Waylon Jennings says “ain’t no God in Mexico.” If that is true then why the hell are there so many Catholics? I thought you were omnipresent? And have you smote Waylon Jennings for even suggesting it even though it is a pretty good song?
Shut up Smoggy.
Yeah, really are you suggesting that Nun’s vajajay blows stuff up and then screams “yippie kay yay mother fucker!”
Man!! That’d be so fucking cool if my puss did that!!
Nun, your puss already blows stuff up. “Dear Cosmo, what kegel exercise can I do to train my puss to scream ‘Yippie Kay Yay Mother Fucker’ after a good shag?”
I was always impressed by the girls who could pussy fart on command. Wait till they see what I can do!!
Uh, yes, the oh-so-sexy “kweef.” Displays muscular talent, but if left un-checked can be at least distracting and at worst a mood-killer between the sheets.
I think it’s kind of nasty myself. I had a friend who would do it all the time but sometimes it’d smell really badly and she didn’t even have the sense to be embarrassed.
Seriously?! That’s nasty. I had no idea a kweef could be odiferous. You should recommend a good feminine hygene product. I like it when vejayjay smells like roses.
I like to think my vajayjay smells like roses but I’m sure it doesn’t after an evening with Johnny Depp and Tim Curry sex dolls. You’re dirty, Zeus and you make my vajayjay stink.
And yes, I’m serious and it was nasty.
My knob is pristinely clean! I keep it well polished.
And it too smells like…well, Corinthian leather ’cause that’s more masculine.
So then that’s mustache wax for the Dirty Sanchez?
Nun,
Can you do any other tricks with your puss? Just wondering ……
(ping pong ball shoot, blowing out candle, smoking, laundry, etc)
I’ll answer your question, Tony but first you must deposit $500,000.00 into my bank account. I know that seems steep but once you find out what I can do with my vajayjay, you’ll realize it was a bargain. I got mad skills!!
Zeus,
Do you polish your own knob?
god, you suck………
r0dr160, stop being a kiss-az
in your first comment…
thought i should say that since no one looks at that anymore
I’d love to play, Nun. But all o’ my assets is tied up in cash.
I only polish my own knob if there is no one (ladies only Curits) around to polish it for me.
Random, right you are God is sucking today. He must be on His Divine Vaction.
finally, some one who isn’t a retard agrees with me.
hey God, my avatar thing looks gay, can you use Your Divine what ever to change it?
guy,
God hates stupid questions, especially “Why did you do ….” and “Would you please …..”. That’s why He’s ignoring you.
If you want to have a snappy image like mine, get with gravatar.
Or you can stick with wavatars and
spin
ok, your avatar is gay. don’t bully others just because they are better or have better things than you (like my avatar).
the
Wheel of Fortune!
ok, pink tony snow, just stop.
and green…. and other pink…
or purple-y pink-ish
oh, and i spun the wheel of fortune…..
i got nuthin……
Try using a new email address (they don’t have to be real)
It helps to keep track of which mall address generates which wavatar
oh………
i knew that…..
…
… no…….
….
oh my garsh…….
this sucks……..
……
what ze hell……………………………
sorry for spaming people
this is REALLY annoying…..
I like 251/252
i’ll just stick with this………
?
ok im done talking for a while
I agree God’s Press Secretary 251/252 and 257/258 really express personality. You could go somewhere with that. God likes anger, especially witty anger, not directed at him.
well im glad to know that….
no i might not get smote in like a week, i might last two weeks
now, not no in the second line……..
random fella, i don’t know you, but dude — it’s an avatar. You only get to be good-looking in real life and on Second Life. Here, it’s what Stupid, Jealous God gives you.
My cheeks don’t puff like that. At least the ones on my face.
However, I do like the perpetually pissed-off nerdy look of this thing.
Zeus. Bad enough you wouldn’t do my laundry. You’re a fucking god, it would have taken you two seconds. Worse, I had to do it myself, and there wasn’t a single cute Mexican at the laundromat.
But now you go and ask me personal information about my religion so as to make me easier to smite? HA HA HA HAHA! My goddess has jars of jam older than you or your stupid-ass Cousin Jealous.
God, smite me? He’s hiding behind his pride. Truth is, can’t touch this.
hey don’t call the Awesome God With Divine Anger Issues stupid.
My avatar is a perfect likeness
I agree with Zeus and Tony regarding which one of random guy’s gravatars was the best.
well thanks nun
smoggy, im not gonna comment on your gravatar thing….
At least mine doesn’t look like an anus with piles.
Oh…wait…
it may resemble it smoggy….. it just might………
Both of your gravatars are sexy.
…….
hey God, if you still have a Divine Hatred for boy scouts, you should play staggy the boy scout slayer 2
http://www.addictinggames.com/staggytheboyscoutslayerii.html
Can you believe this? Trying to buy his way out of a smiting by giving God yet another time-consuming video game to brag about.
Watch God try to pass the buck when that hurricane bitch-slaps New Orleans on Tuesday.
Smoggy, I am so in love with your avatar. Call me? <3
How dare you ….. umm……. uhhh………….
say what you said about staggy the boy scout slayer 2!!!!!!!!!!
August is nearly over and there hasn’t been any Ask God yet. Why, God? Why?!
He’s on Second Life trying to find a virtual Virgin Mary.
Hey God, check this game out. It’s one cool game, too.
http://www.adultswim.com/games/biblefight/
Oh wow. What a fun game with a depiction of Muhammed too! I had to quickly look up who that Xenu guy was and apparently he’s the Scientology god or something…