Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
So I laid down in My Almighty Throne Room on Friday after a long day of relaxing, and flipped on the television. And what do I find? The stupid Me-damned Olympics are back, once again! Not only that, but they’re being held in the Asian nation of China!
HOLY-FUCKING-RAFFLE-FRUMPUS@#$%^&*!!!
WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN?! Are you idiots trying to give The Almighty Lord an aneurysm?! I specifically ordered the Olympics be destroyed. I commanded My Heavenly Host to make sure those blasphemous games never ever happen again!
And what do we have instead? Not only are the Olympics back and on NBC, they’re being held in CHINA!! A nation of 1.3 billion Me-hating atheists. Ooh, fake fireworks and people walking around in circles waving stupid fans in unison. Great job China! I’m so NOT impressed.
I HATE the Olympics. I always have. It is a tradition started by the Ancient Greeks, a group of anal-loving logic-freaks. What’s worse, it is nothing more than a ‘religious festival’ in honor of that dick-face, Zeus!
Plus, it’s boring! So incredibly boring. There is no more boring and masturbatory activity that mankind engages in. The events are all painfully tedious to watch - nothing but a bunch of losers trying their best to win ’sports’ no one cares about, like synchronized equestrian shuttlecock. You know what sport I would like to see? Midget-tossing. Or murder-ball. Or smiting. Those are sports I could see Myself enjoy watching.
I warn you humans - either get rid of these boring and contemptible Olympic games altogether, or at least change them to be a sporting festival meant to honor Me, The Almighty Lord your God. OR ELSE!
NOTE: I demand you pitiful mortals offer up your suggestions for what other new sports and games might make the Olympics more entertaining for Me.
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
Good for You!
As a matter of house keeping, You might also want to cross-reference # 18 Dancing and # 26 Losers who “Tried their Best”.
My nations are getting ALL the medals. FACE!
god,
how about stoning to death as an olympic sport? or sacrificing first-born sons? or synchronized weeping and gnashing of teeth?
i’m still waiting for a hefty-smiting NBC deserves.
the olympics are stupid. i agree with God, even when i disagree with God i agree with God. He’s always right. my wife made me watch the olympics for like 6 hours yesterday. i think my brain started to shut down the unnecessary regions it was no longer using. after 5 hours i was hiding in the corner hissing like a prehistoric lizard…all hypothalamus. badminton! skeet-shooting! synchronized diving! 12 yr olds flipping around on mats! shit. who cares?
Cracka,
I agree! It’s just like football…
shut up about football, you heathen son of a bitch!
God is right, the Olympics suck. every 4 years they return to remind us.
God,
We all know it was You who blesses the USA basketball team so they blew out the Chinese team. Come on, admit it, You watch some of it.
Josh
Josh - I am all-powerful and therefore also omnipresent, which means I have no choice but to watch everything - no matter how boring or objectionable it is.
God,
My heart goes out to You. You’ve had to watch everytime Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo was on. No man or deity should suffer this.
Josh
Thankyou Josh, thank you. I updated this post a little to reflect My Feelings better.
God,
Do you really hate the Olympics or is it just some of those fucked up countries that compete? Bastards cant feed or clothe their people. They always have some epidemic that should wipe them out but doesnt. They always scream to you for help but cant even figure out not to eat mudd. Then they can show up and finish 27th in synchronized shuttlecock every 4 years.
Anything that comemorates a “B List” faux god is not good. How does he also rate a winter olympics to?
God,
Did black people piss You off more than usual lately? What’s with all the recent smiting of the black people? First Bernie Mac and now Isaac Hayes… why God, why?
Also, I’ve got an idea for smiting the Chinese… baby girls, God. Only let them have baby girls. They hate baby girls with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.
God,
Your blog is off to a slow start this morning, because everyone is watching the Olympics. All the fat fucks in my office won’t shut up about Michael Phelps. These people are truly pathetic.
Dude,
I have a suggestion for when you get your commune up and running in Costa Rica… naked pot-head olympics. I’m thinking that just screams ‘ENTERTAINMENT’.
who would win the doggy paddle competition in your office, dude?
nun, your ‘hawks looked good on friday. the vikings, i don’t know. all that matters is T-Jack looked good. AP didn’t touch the ball and jared allen barely played plus they went with 2nd string nickel d backs all the way. can’t expect much in the 1st preseason game, i guess.
ps-you’re still a slut.
speaking of naked olympics. my friends and i have partially clothed drunken olympics every summer. competition in wiffle ball, cowboy golf, lawn darts, pugel sticks, paintball guns to the back of head while sleeping, kegstands, gravity bong hitting, and naked fire jumping. no one ever wins.
HAHAHA. Nice cracka, nice.
Cracka,
Re: my ‘hawks… I hope they play that way all season. If they do, they’re going to be tough to beat. Other teams will fear us.
No, the seaschmucks suck.
As long as I have no choice but to watch it, I demand you pitiful mortals offer up your suggestions for other new sports and games that might make the Olympics more entertaining for Me.
Have You seen Wipeout, God? I abhor television but I watch Wipeout on Youtube… many good suggestions for new olympic events can be found on Wipeout. I especially like the idea of people jumping hurdles while somebody throws big rubber balls at their heads. I would so totally watch the olympics if it was like Wipeout.
kegstands followed by who can catch up to the boat without a lifejacket is usually fun.
anything with booze or drugs.
if you want to go back to the good old days the romans had something nice going with that whole coliseum thing.
God,
Since you hate anal and that means just about everything Greek,
how about more Trojan Games?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD4XnH0XDCo
hahaha. great link Tony.
http://www.microsoft.com/games/ageofmythology/egypt_home.aspx
Wow! Check out the related videos on the link that Tony posted. God sure does smite a lot of football/soccer players.
God-
I have just the thing. You’ll love it. Not only is it fun to watch, but all the Asians get their asses smote: make Battle Royale an Olympic Sport. Summer or Winter. Or both!
Link-a-ling: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-T7yPJVvXw
Death Race 2000 but with criminals as the ones who get ran over.
2 guys 1 parachute and they get thrown out of a plane at 30,000 feet and have to fight for the parachute on the way down.
Anything with machette’s or ax throwing. You cannot go wrong with entertainment if that stuffs involved.
Just some random thoughts as I sit here in this boring ass production meeting.
violence is good and would make the olympics much more interesting, but also i think anything that can help the poorer countries do well should be included also. so you know, best decapitation, or best peeing in the snow, or drinking! hell, drinking should be an olympic sport too. and why no gold medals given out for fucking? nun could get some olympic shine too.
God
Do they still do that thing in Singapore where they whack people on the bare ass with bamboo sticks?
If so lets get the rights (TV) to it and put that in the new olympics.
Yeah!! Why no gold medals given out for fucking?? Man, I would so clean up if they gave gold medals for fucking!!
Ben
you are correct anything with booze.
Sweet sweet booze would make for excellent sport.
haha, cool Kraig. Kinda like Beerfest, except in front of 90,000 screaming fans. That movie had it right, there’ a lot of national pride in drinking.
And i think quality fucking is one of the few things that actually deserves a solid gold medal.
How about the 100 m Tithing? You could have relays, ex. “Now introducing the U.S. 400 m Tithing Relay team!”
SHUT UP, JUDAS!! just shut…up…NOBODY HERE LIKES YOU MUTHAFUKKA! NOBODY!
Jesus, You turn me on when You scream and talk ghetto.
FUCK YOU JUDAS!! FUCK…..YOU!!!!
If the human form was supposedly created in your image, I should think this half-naked festival of athletes would be a viewed as a testament to your “greatness”.
I know a heartfelt and hearty “Thank You___” escaped my lips when I was watching the Men’s relay finals the other night. Mmmmm, yummy….
God, perhaps we could have the athletes play darts, but instead of a bullseye, they have to try and hit each other? No death involved, but lots of pain and possible mutilation. Beer should be involved as well. Could be fun.
Shoot! Why do I always forget my special sign on for the cool gravitar?!?
JC, potty mouth.
Are you and Zeus like some sort of twin brothers? You look a lot like each other, God.
we’re making a lot of progress here. this is good. we’ve got porn olympics, drinking olympics, mutilation olympics, death olympics…still we’re missing something. what is it? maybe God praising olympics? imaginative murder olympics? real life grand theft auto street crime olympics?
Cracka, I think God hit the nail when he mentioned dwarf tossing. Now THAT’s entertaining!
No, we are on the right track I believe.
First alot of choir’s praising and singing to God. The choir’s keep it up for the entire match. The “Big G” would like that.
Meanwhile two drunk teams are throwing sharp weapons, fire and pieces of metal at eachother. Lots of closeups, heartwarming stories of how some competitors family was so poor that they could only eat mud once a week. This will work on so many levels.
I forgot the sex and dwarf tossing also.
God,
Please add Crucifiction to the olympics. Fastest time wins.
Also lightening dodging, as the winner will be chosen by you letting him live.
Josh
Josh, that’s crazy, you are reading MY thoughts for a change! I almost said lightning-dodging in My Post, but left it out at the last minute.
Lightning-dodging would be great! I would be willing to help out for some of these improvements.
Crucifixion Josh?! That shit ain’t funny muthafukka.
Wipeout was better when it was MXC.
New event.
Fencing with sharpened foils on a scaffold over a pit of hungry Bloodvarks. First person to sustain a bleeding wound and get knocked below is subject to ravishing by bloodvarks. Of course, that just means when they’re done eating, the loser is wet & slimey and the cut is no longer bleeding.
disinfected, too. they might actually live longer after that event.
God, if you ever decide to kill me, would mind smiting me by having me licked to death by adorable little puppies? just something i’ve been thinking about. thanks.
God,
Thank You so much for smiting my friend!! I laughed so hard when he fell off that chair. You’re the best, God!
God,
I am just happy You even mention my name.
Jesus,
Why do you act like you’re the only one who ever got crucified? Even when you died two other dudes were right next to you. I don’t see them here whining and misspelling like little bitches.
God’s humble servant,
Josh
josh just faced the messiah, man. that takes balls. maybe i was wrong about you, josh.
FACE!!!!!!
Josh,
I’m the only person who ever got crucified that anyone ever remembers. The only reason you even know about those other two fagellas is because of ME! So why don’t you do Me a mitzvah and back the fuck off, bitch.
FACE!
The Lord and Savior of the World,
Jesus Christ
whoa.
there were a few others:
Famous crucifixions
Jesus of Nazareth, the best-known case of crucifixion, was condemned to crucifixion[40] (most likely in AD 30 or 33) by Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor of Iudaea province. According to the New Testament, this was at the instigation of the Jewish leaders, who were scandalized at his claim to be the Messiah, see Responsibility for the death of Jesus for details. The civil charge was a claim to be King of the Jews, see also Titulus.
The rebel slaves of the Third Servile War: Between 73 BC and 71 BC a band of slaves, eventually numbering about 120,000, under the (at least partial) leadership of Spartacus were in open revolt against the Roman republic. The rebellion was eventually crushed, and while Spartacus himself most likely died in the final battle of the revolt, approximately 6,000 of his followers were crucified along the 200 km road between Capua and Rome, as a warning to any other would-be rebels.
Saint Peter, Christian apostle: according to tradition, Peter was crucified upside down at his own request (hence the Cross of St. Peter), as he did not feel worthy to die the same way as Jesus. Note that upside-down crucifixion would not result in death from asphyxiation.
Saint Andrew, Christian apostle: according to tradition, crucified on an X-shaped cross, hence the name St. Andrew’s Cross
Simeon of Jerusalem, 2nd Bishop of Jerusalem, crucified either 106 or 107
Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln was an English boy whose disappearance in 1255 prompted a blood libel against the local Jews. A Jewish man was tortured until he confessed to killing the child. The story of Little Saint Hugh became well known through medieval ballad poetry.
Archbishop Joachim of Nizhny Novgorod: reportedly crucified upside down, on the Royal Doors of the Cathedral in Sevastopol, Ukrainian SSR in 1920
Wilgefortis was venerated as a saint and represented as a crucified woman, however her legend comes from a misinterpretation of the full-clothed crucifix of Lucca.
BAH! You didn’t remember any of those losers off the top of your head, honky. You googled or wikipediad all that gibberish.
I’m the most important crucifixion of all time, ok? Me. Just accept it and move on you cracker.
oh, and fuck you. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
amen.
Jesus,
Didn’t Your Dad tell You to knock it off with the gangsta talk?
Ho, fuck that shit. I gots to keep it realz yo.
Hey Jesus,
Lots of people where crucified, and people have been tortured to death in worse ways. Ever heard of the Spanish Inquisition? Perhaps the Crusades? YOu’re not the only person to do things. My Uncle Roger’s face also appeared in a taco, and my Aunt Sara fed a family of 10 with just one fish and a loaf of Wonder Bread.
All I’m saying is man the fuck up, stop bitching and start smitting. You say you hate Judis and you’ve done all these bad things to him, but guess what? He’s still here posting. Don’t talk about it be about it.
Josh
God,
Your Son called me a ‘ho’. I am used to being treated like an object by mere mortals but Your Son is supposed to be above such things. I’m hurt, God. I thought Jesus was supposed to love me and not just want a piece of my sweet cherry pie like all the other guys on here.
Jesus! You disrespectful little snot!
Well done. Keep telling those women what’s what My Boy. But please stop speaking in the ghetto vernacular. It’s lame.
And people wonder why I love Lucifer.
what?! God dissed Nun!? Man, God is such an a-hole.
Damn right! If God thinks I’m going to continue on my “Kill Fatties For GOD” missions then He’s got another thing coming! No more fatty killings for me, I think I’ll just start buying them all Big Macs and telling them how much God loves the fatty-fats.
How come we never hear from the Blessed Virgin Mary around here? You know, she never makes an appearance in some shit hole of a place. It’s always a nice warm country with lots of flora, fauna, and usually a gift shop.
I bet if she heard the way Jesus was misbehaving lately, there would be A LOT of soap in his mouth!
I’m just sayin’, Jesus. Keep it up and we’re telling the BVM on you. Shape up, Saviour.
Not all the guys here want a piece of your sweet cherry pie, Nun. I just want to give you hairstyle advice, and really, so does Jesus.
I’m hair deficient, Curtis. I badly need you to give me hairstyle advice.
I hope God approves my links… I’m being rebellious and smart-assy so He might not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyiLnriNens
God,
I tried to give that guy a Big Mac and he ate my son!?! He picked up my poor loser of a child and popped him in his mouth as if he was nothing more than a soggy french fry!
I’m so sad. This rebellion against God has gone horribly awry.
HA!! That’s my hand hand-feeding the little baby Fat. Take that, God!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Idskf3scQc
Oh Nun. How quickly you forget My Charity!
You want to lose your lifelong supply of primo weed, do you? Fine! No more sweet chiba for you! The DEA will step up their attacks in your town and you will struggle mightily to find any good connections. And even when you do, it will be overpriced, brown schwagg.
FUCK!!
Aww, cheer up, Nun. I have it on good authority from the boys that the Marlo Thomas flip is going to be all the rage this season.
I don’t care. My son got eated up by a chubbasaurus and now God is going to take away my sweet chiba. There’s no sense in even going on.
Yeah, but didn’t you say your son was a loser? Meh. I say, cut your loses. As for the chiba, I’m sure God will come around. You know how he changes his mind all the time. You’ll be stoned before you know it.
Now let’s work on a nice french twist to raise your spirits!
NO!!
Brown schwagg makes Nun violent and belligerent.
Dear God,
wait wait wait, you aren’t Zeus? i’m so confused. I mean, the similarities… are you related?
Amen
The women’s gymnastics are fun to watch…….. but someone really ought to do a miracle and vaporize those damned leotards. After all, “gymnastics” does come from the Greek word for “naked”!
Bloodvork,
I like the idea of upping the ante for the Lame-O swordplay competition. Since they’re all wired up for electronic scoring anyway, turn on some real juice so the “touch” makes them at least flinch or maybe knocks them on their ass … Taser Fencing !
God, some of the best Olympic sports were banned years ago. How did you let this happen? In the 1900’s pistol duelling was part of the Olympics! Tons of Asians and Africans and women could have gotten shot in the face if you’d been paying attention. Underwater swimming was banned too, and all sorts of anal-loving atheists could have drowned if it continued today. Also, there used to be pigeon shooting, and pigeons are just really fucking annoying and shit everywhere and watching a bunch of them get shot out of the air would be extremely rewarding, unlike all these cheesy gay ass montages about various athletes and their “discipline” and “courage” and how their families’ support and love have kept them going. Gay gay gay. I hope you smited the assholes that banned these awesome sports. You wouldn’t need any new ones if they were still played.
But I guess if I had to suggest some new ones, I’d suggest putting a bunch of lame teams (all the Asians, and the Greeks and French for being dirty anal lovers, and Michael Phelps just because I’m really sick of that douche) in a huge lake of quicksand, and the person to get out first would win. Only the quicksand would also be lava. And infested with pissed off, hungry sharks. So basically it would be impossible to win because everybody would drown or burn or be eaten or all of the above simultaneously! Which means that afterwards there would be no losers “who tried their best,” because they’d have all died and be rotting in Hell before commercials! And you’d win all three medals, but obviously only keep the gold one and toss the silver and bronze into the lava because fuck those.
Soccer could also be made more interesting if the ball was Hillary Clinton’s head, and all the player’s shoes had rusty nails and broken glass sticking out of them.
Also, the sport of “skeet shooting” should be introduced into the Olympics, only it would be, you know, literal skeet shooting. No guns or clay involved. The Holy Spirit (the previous one, not Bill O’Reilly) could be the target.
Penis Pulling !!!
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/841944/
Dear God,
You should get a Pulitzer for this post. Have you ever written books?
Telepathic Wrestling !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc0Hj3h0nNo&feature=related
Oh Curtis, yea of little faith. I’ve been in Cancun working on my tan, and of course I’m not going to waste my time on God’s blog. He was all about immaculate conception. What’s the fun in that?!? I got nothing out of it but a confused and closeted homosexual with a “God complex” and a penchant for catering.
Oye! What’s a mother to do? I don’t even get a decent gravitar out of it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Dominica to make an appearance. I’ve heard they have a nice gift shop there.
Come on God, the Olympics hasn’t always been crap. If only it could get rid of synchronized swimming, dressage and few other sports I might make the Olympics more tolerable.
Oh, and smite every American athlete that doesn’t play Basketball, especially that dickweed Michael Phelps, and smite the Chinese team for taking way too many steroids and not admitting it. Maybe it comes from me being a bitter Aussie, but those steroid-ridden fuckwits deserve every smiting they can get.
And another thing: Rehire Juan Antonio Samaranch. He knows a good Olympics when he sees one. Remember the awesomeness of Sydney 2000?
you’re right god, olympics sucks. So does any sports. Sports, in general, are like sex. It’s great to practice but disgusting to watch.
I see great possibilities with skeet shooting and gymnastics.
yeah, like what?
That’s suggestive.
CAUSE I ALWAYS SKEET SKEET MUTHAFUKKA!!
I ALWAYS SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!!!
God! God damn! Jesus could not possibly be any more blasphemous….
Jesus - You embarrass me. You embarrass yourself.
jesus, you do not skeet skeet…we all know that jesus is white…and gay…you’d be so much happier if you just let go and would be yourself on the outside of the closet.
wow!!! uppity didn’t tell me to shut up! thanks dude!
damnit, ben. i assumed the shut up was implied by the fact that you said something.
fuckin’ ben, shut the fuck up, ben…
Jesus,
you’re just sad. I wish God would give you the holy ass whipping you deserve.
Josh
Karin said: “Sports, in general, are like sex. It’s great to practice but disgusting to watch.”
You’ve been watching the wrong kind of sex, Karin.
Amen to Nun, porno is a multi-billion dollar business. It’s not disgusting to watch at all, unless it’s that throw up and poo poo porno. That’s nasty.
Josh
Two girls, one cup… GROSS!! People have tried but nobody can get me to sit through that one. Regular sex and even not so regular sex that does not include poo-poo, pee or vomit is HOT!
well, that depends on who’s doing it. there’s a large majority of humans that i would just as soon prefer keep their clothes on and their privates private.
True, Cracka. I’d rather gouge my eyes out then watch some people have sex.
but, nun would pay to watch herself screw her other self.
I’d be a fool not to. You just don’t get quality entertainment like that every day.
Damn it! I was on my first vacation in a long time hangin’ at the celebration of me - the Olympics. The biggest and best celebration of all - screw Christmas. And the Chinese were doin’ it well. My belly is full of Dim Sum and Tsintao beer. I even had my share of Virgins from the US women’s gymnastics team (except those trampoline tramps). Now, I hear about God goin’ off on my celebration. I never have done anal…well, only with virgins and aphrodite quite a few times, but I digress. I do agree with god on these new namby sports like badmitton…any sport that involves something like a shuttleCOCK is too gay for me. BUT, Enough is enough…about every four years I start feeling reveered again, the goats and virgins, and wine starts flowin’…and then this crap happens. My glorious Games are awesome!!!
zeus, we don’t believe in you.
now, fuck off.
yah Zeus, why don’t you just make like a greek god and cease to exist. haha you’re like God’s retarded cousin.
Uppity, Ben, I am totally going to hurl a lighting bolt up your pie hole… as soon as I’m done watching replays of synchronized diving.
God,
What kind of sacrifice would make up for my hormonal outburst from yesterday? Nun needs her sweet, sweet, God-given chiba.
Zeus,
Hurling lighting bolts up the pie holes of some of these guys constitutes foreplay.
Zeus, we know where you come from. You saying that something, anything, is “too gay for” you is just too silly for any of us to believe.
Hey Lucifer, when you get mad, do you say, “Damn it all to here?”
Just wondering.
Eh. I’m mad pretty much all the time, but I don’t let it get to me, unlike someone we know…
Hellz yeah, JC! I’mma smack some bitches up and superman dat ho! Crank dat Olympics, WHUT? Bang bang skeet skeet, mothafucka … preferably on Alexandre Despatie. I mean DAAAAAAAAAMN, dat shawdy be bangin’ off the mawfuckin HOOK. Mad prawpz to yo daddy fo makin dat fine ass specimen of a shawdy, y’all. He fine as hay-ull. Aight, peace out mothafuckaz. Yeeee-aaaaaaah!
Besides, imagine I get mad at Ben. What would I have to gain by damning Ben to here? It would just mean I’d have to endure him for eternity. Instead, I start plotting the best way to include him in a soul-package that I can quote-lose-unquote to God in our weekly poker game.
God bless you, Lo. God bless you to Heaven!
crap, where does that leave me?
Blueshifter - As much as I hate to admit it, unfortunately yes, Me and that fuckhead loser waste-of-an-immortal Zeus are related, albeit distantly. He’s My stupid 2nd cousin thrice removed.
Nun - All you can do is praise My Name and grovel at My Feet and humbly beg for forgiveness, and maybe, and I mean MAYBE, someday i will restore your supply of chiba.
Was there anything I missed? Anyone else who had a question or complaint?! No?! GOOD!!
well, Sir, if you’d permit, that is, if it isn’t too much trouble, you haven’t ratified our suggestions for a more smite oriented olympics. Sir. Thank you, God. i love You.
Shut the eff up Lo.
Josh
Hey Uppity,
You just need to wait around for the Winter Olympics. There are plenty of events that have good smite potential. You know, careening 80+ mph over slick and steep surfaces - LOOK OUT!
God,
So, will it help if I do my grovelling and begging naked? Do You want to donkey-punch me? Whatever You desire. I do it all for You, God.
Praise, God!!
is it sacreligious to shout “Praise God!” while being donkey punched? i suppose not if you’re being donkey punched by God Himself, huh?
God probably loves that kind of thing. Probably gives Him an incredibly intense Divine Orgasm.
remember me?
WELL FORGET ME, cuz this blog is BANNED!!!!
Hey Unpleasant Jew! Hey!!! Come back!!
Eh. What a jerk.
How about paintball but with the balls full of sulphuric acid.
How about ‘pin the foreskin on the Jew’?
How about a Holy Cracker eating contest? Or a Virgin Birth contest? Or swimming with the Stone Tablet of the Ten Commandments on the neck competition?
agreed. As I was watching them row row ROW their stupid boats on the water the other afternoon, I was wishing that one of the cyclist riding alongside recording, would hit a rock and cause a huge tangled mess of bicycle spokes and human limbs. A domino effect, if you will. Unfortunately, they made it to the finish just fine.
b o r i n g.
I mean, people spend their whole lives preparing and training to compete in an event. It’s just lame. Why don’t THEY have to go a lame job and sit on their asses behind a desk like the rest of us?
why, God, WHY?
Why don’t you go die tiwce, Josh? Jesus likes my sport and Lucifer just blessed me to Heaven (speaking of which, thanks Lucifer! You rock!). Up yours.
That being said, can one of you deities possibly make Canada earn some more medals this year? It’s really embarrassing being from a country so big and yet so lacking in even remotely gifted athletes. Either that or make hockey a summer sport so we stand a chance. Thanks.
Lo,
You’re a fucking idiot. Lucy was playing you.
Oh BTW I see you dropped that stupid ghetto speak.
Josh
Cracka - I appreciate your groveling, keep it up.
Nun - Yes, I agree to your offer. From now on, you will always have only the best sticky-green, but you will also be subject to random donkey-punchings. From Me.
AS TO THE QUESTION OF OLYMPIC GAMES THAT WOULD PLEASE ME -
I think there were many great suggestions made. I especially like Kraig’s ideas. He seems to have a head for the kind of twisted torture entertaining I’m looking for. Kraig, I am putting you in charge of My New Almighty Godlympics Committee.
God at the movies: http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20060523
Yo Yo,
That web comic was straight-up homosexual country music special olympics gay.
well, kraig, as the head of the Godlympics Committee i guess it’s up to you where we start. let’s get the bitch organized.
Ben, you say that like it’s a bad thing.
Sharks in the rowing lanes! And all the boats have leaks!
WOOHOO!! God’s gonna donkey-punch me!
PRAISE GOD!!
Hey god, are you faking the old family tree again? Zeus has jars of used motor oil older than you! Second cousin my pink tush … retarded … same old shit, just an insecure deity trying to protect his turf. And this is my first visit here, and I must say that son of yours is way past beyond control. Is he taking his Seroquel? I would look into it.
More suggestions
http://www.worth1000.com/contest.asp?contest_id=20627&display=photoshop
HAHA. Very good suggestions. Thanks for the link ‘youarenotbetterthanMe.’
hey God, can you have a smite-off with Zeus?
I love the Olympics; practically invented the fucking thing… Yay me! Yay for my bastard father who abandoned me!