Stuff God Hates

Aug 4th, 2008 by Jesus Christ

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to receive the Word of God, as written by your Lord and Savior, The Prince of Peace: Jesus The Christ.

Whatup mufuckers! Jesus is back and better than ever. Niggaz betta recognize!!!

Y’all bustas prolly wondering what I’m doing back. I know y’all don’t like it neever - y’all didn’t want Me coming back. Haha, it taste like ass in yo’ mouf!

Well fuck y’all! I just spent a monf and a half in the toughest pen in the hizzy- ADX supermax out in CO. My pops sent Me there after I disrespected his blog a little while back. He told me if I stop being a little pussy bitch and man up and fuck some niggas up and bust out a prison I could come back to Heaven.

So yo, I wuz up in that fuckin’ place for like 5 minutes before I took that shit over. I was down with the Latin Kings from the jumpoff. They wuz callin’ Me ‘Hey-Zoos’ and shit. I hit the weights, fucked some bitches, stabbed some fuckin’ guards, took they guns and shot My way out the front mufuckin’ gate!

So yeah, I learned how to fight and shit. But still God wuz like, whatever Jesus you asshole, you been bitching out on Me for 2000 years – now you gots to fucking roll on some atheist niggaz for Me out in Cali.

So I went out there and fucked up those atheist bitches, word is bond. God took Me back last night and wuz like DAAAMMN SON! You been born-again hard as a muthafukka!

Shit nigga, He was so happy He wuz like, go ahead and pop off on any mufucka you hate son. SO THAT’S WHAT I’S IS GONNA DO.

So yo, let Me spit some truf right now. The first mufucka on My List is that mark-ass busta Judas mufuckin’ Iscariot.

FUCK YOU JUDAS!

You used to be My homey, you used to be My ace, and now I wanna slap the taste out yo’ mouf! You fucking gay-ass bastard. You sold Me out to the mufuckin’ Romans, showed them who I wuz by kissin’ Me on the mouf, and then left Me hanging on a cross to die! And fo’ what? 30 fuckin’ pieces of silver. You fuckin’ trick-ass busta!

I been patiently waitin’ to fuck you up for 1,975 years, bitch. Yeah, you been burning in hell, getting fucked in yo’ass by demons and shit since then, but that shit iz just too good for you. Now you gonna get the beatdown of all eternal beatdowns from Me and My homies. Me and the WHOLE KREW of 11 true-head Apostles is gonna straight fuck your bitch-ass up, Judas.

Fuckin’ Petey the Stanky Left-Hand Killa, Big James, John Couga Ho Slappa , Andy the Skull Cruncha, Phil the Rump-Thumpin’ Prison Fish, Fat Ugly Melon Balls Bart, Machete Masta Matt, Old Forty Sippa Tom, Lil’ Jimmy, Gatmasta Thad, and Simon the Drunken Tang Chasa; yo all dem niggaz is just itchin’ to pop a cap in yo’ass! And I’m a let’em too. We gonna make you WISH your punk-ass was back in hell. Shit, you be lucky if you keeps any of yo’ teef when we done with yo’ dumb ass.

Oh and by the way, I fucked yo’ bitch.

Tags: Jesus Christ, Judas, Mark-Ass Bustas

Posted in People

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201 Responses to “#38 Judas Iscariot”

on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:21 am1Tony Snow

Hey Zoos,

Wow! You were really sounding like the prince of peas back during the whole sandals thing. Great to have you back up here in proper smiting form.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:36 am2Jeremy

I think that this is all a trick by God to make Jesus look even more … gay.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:49 am3iambetterthanyou

Reading this blog from Jesus made me wanna smite God. I might as well go do that now so that Jesus can take over this blog.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:02 am4God

What’s that ‘better’?! Got something to say do you?! I’m right proud of My Son today. Sure, I don’t approve of his ghetto style, but at least He’s finally growing some balls.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:07 am5Francis

iambetterthanyou,

Wait, I’m confused. Did you like this post or did you hate it? Cause I thought it was frigging hilarious.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:27 am6Lucifer

Gay-Zeus,

Sounds like You spent the weekend playing GTA San Andreas on Your PS2 and can’t get the plot out of Your mind.

*

God, Your son thinks He’s black. You better smite His ass for real before He starts preaching again.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 12:27 pm7brian t

Hey Jesus! You Suck! Here’s the Proof.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 12:41 pm8uppity cracka

hahahaha
on 04 Aug 2008 at 12:53 pm9Ben

hey SatANUS,

Shut up, blasphemer. If The LORD JESUS says He spent the last 2 months here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADX_Florence#Notable_inmates

Than that’s what happened and that must be why He speaks in tongues now.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:07 pm10Lucifer

Ben-

You’re such a dumbass. I was actually impressed by the last thing you had said on the previous blog, and here you go proving that it was a fluke and that you’re really a retard in drag. Everyone in hell knows that nearly all of those inmates are butt pirates and like to be called Florence. That’s how the place got its name. Average Dicks X Florence. X=kiss.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:09 pm11Ben

you’re a fluke.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:12 pm12Lucifer

X is also the ancient Greek abbreviation for Christ, which if anything would put Gay-Zeus somewhere between an average dumbass and a transvestite called Flo.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:18 pm13uppity cracka

lucifer is ridiculous. ben is shutting up. right, ben?!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:19 pm14Lucifer

Your eyebrow is ridiculous, bro.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:27 pm15uppity cracka

yeah, well…i…it’s…um. crap.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:29 pm16Ben

oh hell no. Lucy is the one who’s gonna shut up. Right jackass?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:30 pm17Ben

Hey SatANUS don’t you dare go fucking with Cracka. You look like Dave Grohl in makeup.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:36 pm18Yo Yo Ma Ma

Dear Lucifer,

As a hard drinking fast driving worshipper of darkness, I have run up a HUGE debt on my credit cards. If I sold you my soul would you pay them all off, or at least put some sort of testicle shrinking curse on the money grubbing, corporate lackey, rat soup eating motherfuckers that run Visa? I hear they belong to you, anyway.

- Maxed out in Mesa

Dear Mesa,

Credit card companies belong to me? Those fuckers are working for God! Who else could dream up 22% interest on money you don’t have to spend? And those ‘free’ credit cards in the mail? That was God’s idea too!

So, my advice to you is to either sell yourself into slavery to pay off the debt, start selling crack to local youth soccer teams, or pick up that credit card He put in your mailbox this morning and put it to use. It’s got a $30,000 limit. Pick up a new car while you’re at it, on Him.

Plastic Soul Catcher,
Lucifer
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:38 pm19Josh

Sounds like Jesus is a big fat liar. He says he was down with the latin kings, yet talks like he was in the crips! Latin kings say things like “Homes” and “essay”. Lucy is right, Jesus was playing GTA4 and watching Boys in da hood all weekend. Sad.

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:42 pm20uppity cracka

is jesus frontin’? is he malibu’s most wanted? is wigger jesus just overcompensating for the insecurities that formerly manifested themselves in his homosexual panic? what’s going to happen next?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:46 pm21Jesus Christ

FUCK YOU, CHOLO! I talk how I want. I said I was down with the Latin Kings, I never said I was Latin. Yo no hablo Espanol, no me gusta espanol.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:47 pm22Yo Yo Ma Ma

Jesus also has ‘Urban slang’ bookmarked.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:49 pm23Josh

Jesus (Pronounced the mexican way),
If you’re down with the latin kings in prision you would talk like them, not like the crips. Although you’ve appeared in hundreds of tacos, I never said you were Latin, just that you didn’t talk like them. ¿Habla usted enlish usted vagina grande?

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:56 pm24uppity cracka

in AMERICA we speak AMERICAN!!! if you don’t like it, you can get out!!! go back to whatever country you came from if you’re not willing to assimilate to the white man’s culture!!!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:59 pm25Yo Yo Ma Ma

Right on, cracka!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:03 pm26Judas Iscariot

Jesus…tell me how my ass tastes!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:06 pm27uppity cracka

oooooooooooh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:11 pm28Jesus Christ

DAMN YOU JUDAS!! PUTA!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:18 pm29Lucifer

Let’s see the two of you go at it, mano a mano.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:30 pm30Jesus Christ

I ain’t no goddamn mano motherfucka’. And bring it on, biznatch.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:39 pm31Yo Yo Ma Ma

But… if Judas Iscariot hadn’t sold out Jesus, He wouldn’t have been sacrificed for our sins.

So Judas did a good thing, not bad.

Maybe Bridgette (if she hasn’t choked to death on a Twinkie) could explain it.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 2:44 pm32Lucifer

You certainly had a lot of practice using your right mano during the last couple thousand years, Gay-Zeus. If you know what I mean…
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:04 pm33Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jesus,

Do You need a hug?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:11 pm34uppity cracka

never thought i’d say this, but i kind of miss the pussy-ass-self-help-sweater-knitting jesus. it’s okay, jesus, we still love you. now, let’s have a good cry.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:13 pm35Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Me too. I don’t understand this new uber black Jesus.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:14 pm36Lucifer

Cracka, if you really look at His new avatar and notice the way He longingly looks at that big hard erect finger being dangled in front of His face, you’ll realise that He misses it too. You can almost hear Him sigh.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:16 pm37uppity cracka

guess we’ll have to get all dr. phil on his ass and get him to “let us in”. jesus, no one is here to hurt you (again), sorry about the crucifixion, but it’s time to let go. just let it go, jesus.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:25 pm38Jesus Christ

NO! YOU LET IT GO! None of you would be as forgiving as ME if it had been you up on that cross.

And no yoyo, Me dying on the cross was NOT a good thing. I was always going to save you all when I died, I just wanted to do it when I was 80.

You guys are such insensitive motherfucking pricks.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:26 pm39Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I love You, Jesus.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:30 pm40Lucifer

Just ask Yourself: What Would Jesus Do?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:32 pm41uppity cracka

hmm…he would smack some hos and pop some niggaz off?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:32 pm42Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Pre or post prison Jesus?

Pre-prison Jesus would go watch a musical.

Post-prison Jesus would go get his homies and then kick all our asses.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:37 pm43Lucifer

I was asking Him. Let the kid think about this for a minute.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:51 pm44Lucifer

OK, I guess He’d go home and cry.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:51 pm45uppity cracka

ah, socratic therapy? could work.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 3:54 pm46Jesus Christ

What would I do about what Satan?! You dumb fuck.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:02 pm47Nun Ur Damned Bizness

He needs love therapy. Too many people hatin’ on Jesus has made Him go against His sweet nature to try to fit in and earn His Father’s approval. We should all be ashamed of ourselves. Poor, poor Jesus.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:06 pm48uppity cracka

there’s just no room in this world for sensitive, messianic gay men anymore. shameful. what does that say about our society?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:16 pm49Josh

Jesus doesn’t seem to know balance. He seems to be either super gay or super hardcore. Why can’t he be a mixture of both, like James Dean or Jay Z?

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:20 pm50Lucifer

I blame it on the parents.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:21 pm51Ben

yeah, or like Kanye? he’s gay AND hardcore.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:21 pm52Lucifer

Josh, are you suggesting that Jesus should be super gay hardcore? I don’t know, I think that would be even more controversial…
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:22 pm53Ben

*super-gay and super-hardcore.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:27 pm54uppity cracka

wait a minute…who’s watching hardcore gay porn? kanye west?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:30 pm55Nun Ur Damned Bizness

If Jesus is super-gay and super-hardcore, do you think He’d be a leather daddy?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:32 pm56Lucifer

What Would Jesus Do? He’d go get His homies and then watch hardcore gay porn. Starring Keyne West.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:37 pm57Josh

well said Lucy, well said.

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:42 pm58uppity cracka

there we have it; and, it’s safe to say: george bush doesn’t care about it.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 4:46 pm59J-Moke

i do not like the “new” je-sus.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:01 pm60Curtis

HELLO! Did someone just say that Jesus was now a hardcore leather daddy?!?? THAT got my attention!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:42 pm61Jesus Christ

Well FUCK YOU TOO J-MOKE! I don’t like you neever muthafukka. and i thought I told you fools, I AIN’T no muthafukkin’ faggot.

You know what, fuck all y’all!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:43 pm62Rod Parsley

This Blasphemy is NOT Funny!

The end of days is coming soon 080808 and you are all going to FRY !!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:45 pm63Der Dude

Hey-Zoos,

If you are not a fag, why do you state in paragraph #4 that you “fucked some bitches” at a male prison?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:46 pm64Der Dude

Hey Rod,

Like numerology much? You are a fucking idiot.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:50 pm65uppity cracka

dude, in prison, it’s not gay to have sex with men. in prison gay means “happy”.

Rod, i thought it was 12-12-12 or 06-06-06 or 09-09-09…4 days and we’re all dead!! oh no!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:56 pm66Josh

Rod,
If God was going to end the world in 4 days, he would have posted it on his blog. So shut up Rod.

Uppity,
That all depends on if Jesus was the top or the bottom. If he was a power bottom then all hope is lost.

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:01 pm67Rod Parsley

God will Save only the Worthy!

An army of intercessors is gathering to pray over your most urgent needs — and for God to unleash upon you His infinite blessing on this historic day: 8.8.8. Get your prayer towels NOW!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:06 pm68uppity cracka

shut up, rod.

wait a minute…prayer towels???
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:08 pm69Josh

uppity,
I asked God in another post if the prayer towels were real, he never answered!!!! Maybe Rod is right.

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:11 pm70Ben

who the hell is rod parsley? and how does he talk with that bandage over his mouth?

also, i like the new jesus.

I mean I love Jesus! He may be an illiterate gangbanger, but he’s our illiterate gangbanger.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:25 pm71uppity cracka

ben, ben, ben. shut up, will ya?

rod parsley? sounds kind of, i don’t know, gay.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:27 pm72Der Dude

Ben,

That bandage is covering the most hideous cold sore that he picked up from the prepubescent penis of one of the acolytes at his church.

The new jesus sounds like Herbert Kornfeld (RIP).
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:30 pm73Ben

he does sound like Herbert Kornfeld, or in other words, like a white person imitating a gangbanger. they say motherfucker and shit and nigga a lot, and all rather awkwardly at that.

Rod Parsley? Penis Garnish?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:36 pm74Yo Yo Ma Ma

Get your prayer towels while they last!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:37 pm75Yo Yo Ma Ma

Is this a parody site, like landover Baptist, or real?

http://theholyconnection.com/prayer_pillows_towels
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:40 pm76God

Josh - prayer towels are indeed real. You are required to use them, but never to wipe up semen emissions.

Jesus - Come on son. That’s enough trying to impress your friends with that ridiculous ghetto slang.

I understand you are insecure about your new tough guy personality, but just settle in to it. You have nothing to prove. You are Jesus, part of The Trinity and a full-fledged bad-ass! No need to talk like a stupid jiggaboo.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:51 pm77uppity cracka

God, do we need to order the official prayer towels or can i use an old dish towel? also, forgive me, but what is it we are supposed to do with them exactly?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:53 pm78Josh

jiggaboo? this blog turned racist real fast. Jesus was talking like someone who is ignorant, I’ve seen white people, asians, latins etc talk the same trash.

God you need some Jesus in your life.

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:58 pm79Yo Yo Ma Ma

Sounds like God needs an attitude adjustment.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 6:58 pm80Lucifer

Racism? From God?! That’s impossible!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:03 pm81uppity cracka

damn right! this is the white man’s planet! if you don’t like it, you can get out.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:04 pm82God

Shut up, Josh.

Who are you to judge Me, or anyone else you foolish mortal?! I AM THE JUDGE OF ALL THINGS!! And words have NO POWER. ONLY I HAVE POWER!
Besides, there is nothing racist about the word jiggaboo. As you say, white asians latins and all other human races can be deemed a jiggaboo, or porch-monkey, or especially! a nigger. I created this word to denote a ‘person who is ignorant.’

ALL HUMANS OF EVERY RACE ARE INCREDIBLY IGNORANT.
THUS YOU ARE ALL NIGGERS.

(but especially you Josh)
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:07 pm83Josh

God,
Sorry, I forgot you can only be racist in the good way, like how you favor the Hebrews above all others.

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:09 pm84God

YES. OF COURSE I AM RACIST. I AM GOD!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:18 pm85Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thank You, God for explaining the proper definition of the word ‘nigger’. I get so tired of people getting all huffy when I call them niggers.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:19 pm86Ben

ah, so thats why we’re racist too? because you created us in your image? It all makes sense now…
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:20 pm87uppity cracka

ben! Him damnit, ben! shut up!!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:20 pm88uppity cracka

no reason.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:22 pm89Ben

no, I won’t shutup! I won’t be quiet, cracka! you white devil trailer trash honky.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:23 pm90Ben

I just want to say, I love Jesus’s new avatar. that’s awesome…also, I love the contemplative picture of him with his rifle. also, he’s right. judas does look gay in the picture at the top. and jesus looks all, like, hey, don’t kiss me dude.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:24 pm91Ben

blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH CRACKA WILL NEVER GET ME TO SHUTUP HAHA
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:27 pm92uppity cracka

fuck.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:34 pm93Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Do You hate the retarded as much as I? If so, why do You let them run amok on Your Holy Blog?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:42 pm94God

Nun - No, I do not hate retards. On the contrary, I love those goofy bastards with all My Heart.

I do, however, hate the parents of retards.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:43 pm95Ben

am not retarded!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:45 pm96Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thank You for not giving me a retard. Thank You for giving me a loser with no athletic ability to speak of.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 7:46 pm97uppity cracka

don’t worry, ben. it’s your parents who will suffer. not you, you goofy bastard.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:08 pm98Josh

God,
Why do you hate the parents of retards? Is it because they hate You for giving them a retarded baby?

Josh
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:14 pm99Bananafish

Holy crap, Jesus sounds like 50 cent. No wonder I don’t like religion.

http://twowhiteboys.com/2008/
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:22 pm100Gurge

So God’s parents receive His hate?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:26 pm101uppity cracka

whoa. now THAT’S blaspheme. way to go. blasphemer of the day. prepare for some smite.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:31 pm102Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

It’s quite simple really but since you’re retarded, I’ll explain. God hates the parents and that’s WHY they have the retarded kid.

You see, God’s Hate came before the retard, not after the retard.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:40 pm103Ben

haha duh. what a tard.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:43 pm104Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yes but God loves him and hates us. That makes me feel a little bitter and resentful.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:47 pm105God

Nun, what are you talking about, I love you! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS SOMETIMES.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:54 pm106uppity cracka

especially when he pees. (obvious, i know)
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:54 pm107Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I can feel Your hate, God!! I could feel it when I tried to buy tickets for my precious Seahawks and they were sold out in 5 minutes. Why God Why????
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:54 pm108uppity cracka

*i meant “when He pees.”
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:55 pm109uppity cracka

i’m going to see your precious seahawks play my precious vikings this friday. (why do our precious teams suck so much ass, God?)
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:56 pm110Nun Ur Damned Bizness

HEY!! Damn you, Cracka!! My Seahawks do not suck ass!!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 8:58 pm111God

Oops, I almost forgot.

Gurge- call Me a retard will you?! Now your children will develop mental retardation. And of course, all your future children will be born SEVERELY retarded.

WHOEVER YOU ARE, I SMITE YOU!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rt5sQBjEj1c
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:07 pm112Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God, I hate Corky. For no real reason particularly. I just hate him with the white hot intensity of about 25 suns. He’s not even worth hating with full 1000 sun intensity.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:13 pm113Curtis

Poor Corky.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:14 pm114Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, do you have a sliding scale of sun-hate?
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:18 pm115Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I do, Yo Yo. I hate Ben Roethlisberger with the white hot intensity of a million suns. That’s a LOT of hate.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:20 pm116Ben

haha Corky crashed.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:26 pm117Yo Yo Ma Ma

Morgan Freeman was in a bad accident.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080804/ap_on_en_mo/morgan_freeman;_ylt=AlKXV3Juy7S.ByngfG01UAqs0NUE

Who’s responsible? God? Lucifer? Or was Nun…never mind.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:31 pm118God

That’s what that blasphemous cretin gets for trying to impersonate Me.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:38 pm119Ben

damn that’s cold God. you sure are angry and spiteful.

I fear you!

Please Lord God don’t hurt us, don’t boil us in a pot…don’t suffocate or beat us, don’t stir fry us in a wok…
on 04 Aug 2008 at 9:45 pm120Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God can beats me if He wants. I’m so totally into that kind of thing.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 10:00 pm121Jesus Christ

Where’d that punk ass bitch Judas scamper off to?! Muthafukkas is scared shitless of what Me and My Krew about to do.

YEAH! What nigga what!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 10:15 pm122God

JESUS! THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH!

I command you to stop talking like that, or it’s back to prison for you!
on 04 Aug 2008 at 10:16 pm123Jesus Christ

Yes father. I will obey.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 10:19 pm124Der Dude

Hi God,

As I gaze upon your son’s submission, I can’t help notice that his words say one thing, but his avatar says something else. I will leave it to your devine wisdom.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 10:19 pm125Stuff White Parents Like

Have you guys missed me? Fill me in. I’m so out of the loop around here.
on 04 Aug 2008 at 11:22 pm126Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Damn! I’d say God’s the disciplinarian in that family.

Jesus,

You wanna hang out with me for awhile? Nobody will call You gay anymore if You do.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 1:39 am127HOLY SPIRIT

Hello god thank you for exiling me. I created a special planet for myself. It is a lot better than heaven.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 1:43 am128HOLY SPIRIT

Jesus- let me have judas. I will torture him for eternity
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:06 am129Curtis

I still think Jesus needs some man-on-man action. I’d be totally up for that if he wears his leather gear. It’s time for him to come out and be proud. This “smack talk” is totally NOT JC.

We’re here. We’re resurrected. Get used to it!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:28 am130Bridgette

This is just plain wrong.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:28 am131Bridgette

“He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.” — Leviticus 24:16
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:39 am132King Kotork the Monstrous

Hey Stuff White Parents LIke,

No! nobody missed you.

Read the posts and the comments if you want to catch up, wench! Yar!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:58 am133Rod Parsley

Prayer Towels

Are just like regular towels except that they have been anointed, if you know what I mean. And I think you do because you’re all a bunch of Perverts !!!

“Touch not God’s Anointed” … Psalm 105
on 05 Aug 2008 at 6:59 am134Lucifer

Everybody rise and say with me: “Bridgette!”
on 05 Aug 2008 at 11:36 am135WeirdoChris

Bridgette

I’ve missed you. I’m glad to see that you have recovered from your smiting.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 12:16 pm136Yo Yo Ma Ma

Bridgette, you overfed piewagon, what’s shaking? (I’m not talking about your chins, or the extra breast-flesh crowding out of the sides of your badly fitting bra.)
on 05 Aug 2008 at 12:51 pm137uppity cracka

bridgette! you’re right again as usual. sorry, nun, as a vikings fan i can truly say that it’s just easier if you go ahead and admit that your team sucks. even if the vikings land favre and go 16-0 they will still suck because they will choke in the end. and shaun alexander was never any good. there, you’ll feel better.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 1:14 pm138Ben

hey at least you two are jets fans. we are the laughingstock of the league. bill belichick was our coach for a day - didn’t want to be HC of the NYJ. Brett Favre didn’t scoffed at being our QB. we suck…
on 05 Aug 2008 at 1:14 pm139Ben

*aren’t
on 05 Aug 2008 at 1:17 pm140uppity cracka

ben, what the hell are you trying to say? nevermind. just shut up. jets…haha. with the 4th overall selection again because they suck so much ass the jets select BOOOO….BOOOO…BOOO!!! who was it? i don’t know, we’re just booing.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 1:53 pm141Jesus Christ

Bridgette,

Please stop worshipping Me. You’re a disgusting fatty-pig-fatty and I hate you.

Jesus
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:14 pm142Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Curtis,

I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Cracka,

Get with it, boy. We don’t got Alexander no more and I agree, he got his big old contract and didn’t want to run no more. Wanted to lay down when he saw the line. We’ll be better off with Duckett and Jones. I never thought Alexander was worth that contract to begin with.

Ben,

There is something worse than being a Jets fan. Really. Thank God and Jesus and the Holy fucking Spirit that you’re not a Lions fan. Those poor saps.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:20 pm143uppity cracka

well, thing about being a lions or jets fan is that while you may not have any hope for the immediate future you can say that at least once, a long time ago, your team won the whole thing. sure, it’s been since like 1934 for the lions, but that’s better than 4 superbowl losses and 3 NFC championship game chokejobs (1998). the only thing that compares is being a bills fan. now, back to business…bridgette, you fat, stupid, obnoxious cow. die.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:24 pm144Yo Yo Ma Ma

Bridgette has been Blessed by God, so she can’t die. Yet.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:28 pm145Yo Yo Ma Ma

Jesus loves you!

http://www.dieselsweeties.com/archive/1968
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:29 pm146Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hmmm… agreed, it must be mightily embarrassing to be a Bills or Vikings fan.

Bridgette is not a real Christian. She’s too busy telling other people how to behave to think about her own spirituality. That’s why Jesus hates her now. That and He seems to be hating everybody right about now.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:18 pm147Curtis

I still say Jesus just needs a little “sugar”. Maybe a hug too.

Bridgette, on the other hand, may need electroshock therapy. She’s all about Leviticus, isn’t she?

Nun, I like you too!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:28 pm148Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jesus won’t give me a hug. It’s because I have a vagina, I know it.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:49 pm149Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, try a strap on…
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:49 pm150uppity cracka

jesus is into havin’ sex, he ain’t into makin’ love.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:50 pm151uppity cracka

i kind of hate myself after that. oh well.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 3:56 pm152Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I posted a link to a Sarah Jessica Porkher love doll but God has yet to approve my link. God’s probably looking at that doll right now. What a pervert!

Yo Yo,

Good idea. Do you think Jesus will hug me and love me if I wear a strap-on?
on 05 Aug 2008 at 4:05 pm153uppity cracka

must be an ugly ass doll.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 4:16 pm154Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Of course, Cracka. It wouldn’t be her doll if it wasn’t.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 4:38 pm155Yo Yo Ma Ma

Wasn’t Sarah Jessica in ‘Sex In The City’? The story of three woman and a horse?

Nun, yes Jesus would loooove you if you wore a strapon. Just remember, chunky peanut butter makes a terrible lubricant!

Or so I’ve heard.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 4:41 pm156uppity cracka

sarah jessica parker looks like that puppet from mr rogers…lady fairchild, i think, the museum curator. that and the bottom of someone’s foot.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 4:46 pm157Bloodvork

Sorry yoyo, but that webcomic blows.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 4:46 pm158Bloodvork

The face of my avatar so vividly represents the result of all of those sprite comics.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:12 pm159Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yes, Yo Yo. She’s the horse!!

And yes, chunky peanut butter is a horrid lubricant. I prefer no lubricant at all, it just gets my strap-on all dirty and gross.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:13 pm160Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I murdered one of my co-workers in a horrible fit of something-something and I blamed the webcomic that Yo Yo linked to. Thanks, Yo Yo.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:21 pm161Yo Yo Ma Ma

Heh, glad to help, Nun! I myself blame ‘Hello Kitty’ for causing most of the world’s problems.

Don’t get me started on that lame ‘Cathy’ comic (if I may stretch the definition of comic.)

Bloodvork, what web comics do you like? I’ve always enjoyed ‘Achewood’, and used to like ‘Sluggy’, but don’t like long story arcs any more. ‘Zippy’ was fun until he kept rpeating himself.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:23 pm162Yo Yo Ma Ma

Yow! Are we having fun yet?
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:28 pm163Nun Ur Damned Bizness

‘Hello Kitty’ is the root of all evil, Yo Yo. You’re very perceptive to blame her for everything.

‘Cathy’ is a whore.

As for funny comics, you guys ever check out ‘Pearls Before Swine’?
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:29 pm164Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dudes!!

http://www.bachelorpartyfun.com/detail.aspx?ID=80

I figured God would get a kick out of that considering how He feels about Sex and the City.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:30 pm165Yo Yo Ma Ma

God, when you gonna drop the hammer on the Olsen twins?

Can you petrify them for me? I need some garden gnomes.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080805/ap_en_tv/heath_ledger;_ylt=ArOLsYJS.ipN_RzudP905ExxFb8C
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:46 pm166Bloodvork

I prefer Doctor McNinja.

Once had a sprite based webcomic that didn’t go too well. It was all original artwork though.

Pearls before swine is funny every once in a while and the Perry Bible Fellowship is also funny.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 5:47 pm167God

Nun,

That combines two things I hate: SJP and Anal. I will make sure that product never gets bought by anyone.

As to the Olsen twins YoYo, they are actually aliens visiting from another one of My planets and they are hell-bent on worldwide domination. They are working with Lucifer in their schemes. Trust Me, their demise is imminent.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 6:00 pm168Jesus Christ

Nun, I love you, but I don’t want you to make love to Me with your strap on dildo.

For the last time, seriously now, the LAST TIME - I’m not fucking gaaaayy!!!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 6:04 pm169uppity cracka

me thinkst thou dost protest too much, lord. it’s the homophobes who are the closet cases.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 6:47 pm170Jesus Christ

Why are you speaking in olde English all of a sudden?! I’ve gotten into the modern vernacular, why can’t you?

And you have it ass-backwards there, uppity. it’s always the queers who DON’T protest when they are accused of being gay.

If a man be innocent of murder, and he protests his accusers mightily, does this mean that he must be the murderer because he ‘doth protest too much’? Your reasoning is ridiculous!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 6:52 pm171Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Thanks for loving me, Jesus. Do You want to wear my strap-on? It’s tons of fun!!

P.S. Jesus, I think Curtis has a bit of a crush on You.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:12 pm172Curtis

How’d you know, Nun? I think JC is HOTT!! It’s the long hair. Does it to me every time.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:16 pm173uppity cracka

it’s just a saying. jesus christ, jesus. why you all defensive about this “queer” business, anyway? it’s not like you can’t get with the ladies. “hello-o-oh, i’m the messiah!!! and i’m fabulous!!!” L.L.Cool.J.—that’s right, they love cool jesus…love him. the ripped abs, the beard, the self sacrifice, the spear-wound. it’s hot.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:16 pm174Curtis

I bet with a couple of bottles of Holy Mogan David, JC might come around to my team. Stay handy, Nun.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:20 pm175Nun Ur Damned Bizness

How’d I know, Curtis? Honey, you’ve dropped enough hints that this ol’ hag eventually caught on.

Jesus is pretty cute. I wanna hang with Him and smoke mucho mucho God-blessed-chiba.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:35 pm176Curtis

Well, you caught on, Nun. Jesus is just DREAMY! He looks really hot in his dress and I think his beard is cute too!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:45 pm177Curtis

His halo is pretty hot too!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 7:45 pm178Nun Ur Damned Bizness

He wants us all to believe He’s flipping us off and giving us attitude but He’s really just showing off His stink finger. Yes, Jesus, we get it, You be the man in bed.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 8:29 pm179King Kotork the Monstrous

He is nothing. There is only Kotork. Rawr!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 8:47 pm180uppity cracka

shut up, ben.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:11 pm181Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t actually believe so, Cracka.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=99126042

When I see King Kotork the Monstrous I think ‘what the fuck’ and then I google. Rawr!!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:12 pm182Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Ahhh… I just posted a link to what I think is King Kotork’s Myspace page but my link has been denied until God approves.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:12 pm183King Kotork the Monstrous

sorry, I am not ben.

I AM KOTORK THE MONSTROUS and I will eat your bones and chew them into dust for that slight you unibrowed mongrel!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:15 pm184God

DAMN YOU KOTORK! I THOUGHT I DESTROYED YOU IN THE CAMBER GALAXY!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:17 pm185Josh

King Kotork,
Please shave your 15 year old boy mustache immidiatley. Jesus or Curtis might get the wrong idea and Guy is no longer a band to patern yourself after.

Josh
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:29 pm186Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey!! I think King Kotork is kinda cute.

Hey God,

Thanks for hooking up my link as I so obviously suck at that kind of thing! You rock, God! You rock!
on 05 Aug 2008 at 9:31 pm187A Pharisee

Jessie Boy,

Who among your hombres is the best felator of them all? Matthew of Mark?
on 06 Aug 2008 at 1:14 am188HOLY SPIRIT

Hello GOD,

I am enjoying my self on a perfect planet. At the same time you are not enjoying yourself in heaven. This is all because you exiled me.

PS. I am in my own universe (I created it.) where I am supreme ruler and Galactus does not exist.
on 06 Aug 2008 at 1:26 am189HOLY SPIRIT

My universe is called HS1 (Holy Spirit 1)
on 06 Aug 2008 at 1:28 am190HOLY SPIRIT

ahh I love HS1. I love sitting in a warm clear water pool watching Eureka (a human TV show)
on 06 Aug 2008 at 3:22 am191Bloodvork

I like it when you die.
on 06 Aug 2008 at 3:23 am192God

Holy Spirit,

Stop sugarcoating it. I banished you to an extremely dilapidated retirement home in South Florida. Your universe, HS1 as you call it, is an 10 foot by 10 foot room. And Eureka is all you have left.

Oh, and I am thoroughly enjoying Heaven without you. Everyone is.
on 06 Aug 2008 at 7:08 pm193...loveMaegan

omg. i’m not even reading the post! the photos are priceless!
on 07 Aug 2008 at 10:16 am194iambetterthanyou

Francis,

I liked it better than God’s writings here.

Apologies for the belated reply.
on 07 Aug 2008 at 4:24 pm195The Countess

Wow, Jesus goes to prison, and comes out sounding like Samuel L. Jackson?
on 07 Aug 2008 at 5:08 pm196Bloodvork

That’s not how Samuel L. Jackson talks.

You just named the first black guy whose name you could remember, didn’t you?
on 07 Aug 2008 at 5:15 pm197The Countess

Samuel L. Jackson is black?
on 07 Aug 2008 at 5:17 pm198The Countess

Actually, he sounded more like Gene Wilder in “Stir Crazy”.
on 07 Aug 2008 at 5:20 pm199Ben

I think he sounded more like a white person doing his best to talk like a ghetto hoodrat.
on 08 Aug 2008 at 9:08 pm200Jesus Christ

Yo, I talk how I talk bitch. Shut the fuzuk up ben-gay.

And yo, Me and THE J-UNIT caught up with Judas last night and crucified his ass! We’re still working him over. Yeah! What nigga what!?
on 11 Dec 2008 at 12:32 am201Apollo

Oh Jesus, that sounds dirty….