Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Hello mortals. I saw this news story while googling Myself today and so I thought I’d share it:
Poll finds 92 percent of Americans believe in God
Don’t bother reading it. It basically says that 92% of Americans believe in Me. Isn’t that great?
This makes Me quite happy. Sure, ideally it would be at 100% (or at least 99%), but 92% is still pretty damn good. However, I was upset that only half the people go to church every Sunday. Lame. Not only is that disrespectful to Me, but that’s a lot of tithings down the drain. I was also peeved about the tolerance towards other ‘religions,’ but whatever. I don’t want to complain. This is a happy occasion!
I see now that I was wrong to judge Americans so harshly. Their ‘democracy’ is obviously nothing like that of the bullshit-artist, boy-loving Ancient Greeks. And while Americans may be slovenly idiots, at least they’re My slovenly idiots. I haven’t done this in a long time, but today America – I Bless You!
Gene on 
ronpaulcandidate on 
jetaDeelp on 
Nun Ur Damned Bizness on 
The Ender on 
God, you rule the internet.
Those greeks were boy lovers…
What are your thoughts on the Romans though?
P.S. Yes, I felt America did gain an extra dose of kickass today. Must’ve been the blessing.
It’s because You blog, God. People feel closer to You when You share Your hatred and anger.
“Most Americans Believe in Higher Power, Poll Finds”. They actually mean me, God. Not You.
Mr. God, I was attracted to your gloriosity ever since the Onion article about “What part of ‘Thou shalt not kill’ don’t you humans understand?” [paraphrased]. I think it might even have been the same photo.
Honestly, this should probably go in an “Ask God” post, but I am a bit confused about how the not-killing thing works together with the not-suffering-a-witch-to-live thing, and stoning-anyone-who-works-on-Sunday thing, and the stoning-a-disobedient-child-before-the-whole-village thing. Did you mean “thou shalt not kill unless I say so”? Or is “stoning” a reference to something else?
I say kill whoever you feel like killing and maybe things will work out well for you in the end. Who knows?
It’s obvious that PZ Myers never saw this poll
Lucifer said: “I say kill whoever you feel like killing and maybe things will work out well for you in the end. Who knows?”
Are you responsilbe for those “Kill ‘em all, let God sort them out” T-shirts?
Doesn’t this give God a lot of extra work?
Who’s responsilbe for the films Hellboy II or Mama Mia?
“Lucy, you got some ’splainin’ to do!”
as an american i must say, this morning i felt extra blessed. now i know why! thanks God, we needed that.
coincidentally, 92% of americans are also fucking imbiciles. what a ko-wink-e-dink!
in other news, 92% of americans are fat girls who post stupid comments on other people’s blogs.
That 92% are the people that make the USA the greatest country on earth.
So, I guess the good news for you, god, is that 8% do not believe in you: otherwise who would you send to hell immediately?
God, does this 92% include those sending death threats to Webster Cook for smuggling an Eucharist out of a mass ?
http://www.myfoxorlando.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=912931E6387D06E86603288C86CA66A1?contentId=6932236&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1
oh, bridgette. you and sean hannity are so cute together.
(she didn’t read it)
92% of people who believe in “some version of a higher power” make america great. what about the same percentage of people around the world who believe in “some version of a higher power”? what do they do for their countries? is it the vague belief in a supernatural force that has made america rich? hmmm…
if only bridgette were here to enlighten us.
The article just said 92% of people believe in a higher power and that could be anything, like Satanus or the Beatles. Doesn’t really prove much. There was another report saying titled “U.S. Religious Landscape Survey,” depicts a highly fluid and diverse national religious life. If shifts among Protestant denominations are included, then it appears that 44 percent of Americans have switched religious affiliations. There was also a study showing that 45% of Mexicans see Jesus in everday items, like toast, at least 3 times in their lives.
yo yo, you’re getting even funnier.
“Lucy, you got some ’splainin’ to do!”
Josh
Believing in something is always better than believing in nothing.
Josh,
What’s the deal? Why the need to critique everybody?
Yo Yo,
Mortals are responsible for those pieces of shit masquerading as films. No diety would have anything to do with Hellboy or Mama Mia.
oh bridgette. i love your sweeping generalizations. you’re certainly no kierkegaard.
“believing in something is always better than believing in nothing.”
wow. do i really have to use rudamentary critical analysis to rebut you, or did you do it for your yourself? i think we’ll just let whatever you say stand as a rebuttal for everything you believe. that way, anyone who is not as dumb as you can have a nice laugh. AT you.
I would certainly question the notion that the USA is the greatest country in the world. The only people that I know who say that have never been to another country.
‘Better’ is a value judgement that pretty much disappears under scrutiny.
Bridgette, look up the word scrutiny please.
last one, bridgette. i refer you to this post i made on “atheists”, which you ignored. if you insist on posting here, why don’t you actually give others the courtesy of replying to them?
“not believing in some medieval, static image of a bearded hebrew god that has never exhibited proof of his own existence is NOT the same as believing in nothing. why do you post these thoughtless comments here? anyone can debate their way to a stalemate on whether or not god exists…except for you…”
anyway, rather than rationally respond to that you just come on here and accuse people of being nihilists again. you obviously didn’t read this article. you don’t read other people’s posts. you don’t really read much of anything i assume. yet here you are, in all your self righteous fatness repeating easily refudiated garbage out of your brainwashed face.
seriously, i’m done with her this time.
shut up, Bridgette.
I like that Hellboy 2 hasn’t even hit the release date and it’s already a piece of shit masquerading as a film.
Nun,
Who’s critiquing? I gave Yo Yo a compliment, I said even funnier as in she was funny before but keeps getting better. I know somethings get lost in the internet, but I was being dead serious, the Lucy line made me actually laugh out loud and not that LOL bull sh!t people just say.
you’re critiquing Hell Boy and it’s not even out yet! It’s going to be a good movie not like X3.
Josh
i’m so tempted to tell someone to shut up
shut mouth, cracka.
So many people judging things without actually experiencing them. You’re acting like a bunch of Christians!
I had nothing to do with Hellboy or Mama Mia, but I can’t say the same about all this preconceived judging. Love it, love it.
Josh,
When you decide who’s funny and who’s not, you’re critiquing. And I believe Yo Yo is male.
As for Hellboy, it might be good but I think the first one is crap so I’m biased. I see nobody disagrees that Mama Mia is a piece of crap.
Nun,
I’m offering my opinion, if you feel that’s critiquing sorry. My opinion is worth less than Satanus’ penis. Don’t put any faith in it. I think Yo yo is funny, I like the Jew, I think you’re smart, I even think the Ben/Not Ben/Cooper man is entertaining. Sue me.
That’s what the internet is all about, unsolicited opinions.
You’re critiquing Hellboy and Mama Mia, and with your comment on me, you’re critiquing me. So relax, enjoy the internet and make fun of people besides Bridgette.
Josh
Nun,
I love you.
Josh
hmm…
shut up, josh?
Josh,
You’re stupid. There’s a critique for ya.
Cracka,
That wasn’t funny. Try to be more like Jew because he’s funny.
i should try to be less pleasant? sure, nun, whatever you say. maybe that bridgette thing threw me off today.
Not enough FACE, Cracka. The FACE is funny and we have to be funny or else we’ll get called out on it.
crap. you’re right. sometimes i get all uppity and i lose my funny.
that’s usually when the jew starts popping in.
we no need be funny. that god job. we be good. love each other good. god love us.
It’s alright, Cracka. I think we both been slacking. I’m so glad Josh is here to tell us what’s funny.
FACE!!!
God hates us, Not Ben. Maybe I haven’t been paying attention but I thought He’d been very clear about hating us.
Nun,
Now you’re just being stupid and not funny. Remeber I told you that.
I guess I’ll just not give out compliments because by not giving them out to everyone I am saying what I think is funny and what I don’t. You’re one of those poeple who want to give kids medals when they try, instead of just when they win. Idiot.
Uppity,
You’re funny.
Josh
No, I’m being a smart-ass bitch. There’s a difference.
And I withhold love from my kid until he wins and was pissed when he got a trophy for just playing. If you’d read what I write, you’d know that.
Nun,
Now you’re being really funny. Oops I shouldn’t have said that.
Josh
SILENCE! All of you! Quit bickering over piddily-poop.
Nun - No no no My child, no! I LOVE you all, as much as your father loved you, so is My Love for you.
It’s true, sometimes I hate you (when I catch you sinning), but the love is still there! Just as your father hated you when he caught you at 13 giving that dirty hobo fellatio, so I hate you too sometimes. I hate your sins. Which are your fault. So stop sinning you bastarcretans!
And get back on topic, dammit! 92% of America has it right, why can’t you people get on board?!
piddly-poo. tee-hee. I be good. I love Gud.
DAMN YOU NEB! You are the dumbest poster here. I banish you to Missouri!
Yay! America loves me! I mean, us! Woo-hoo! Go Trinity!
What?! Who the fuck let you out of the hole Jesus?! You’re still under punishment for defiling MY blog by taking out the curses.
finally, some action!
i believe in you, God! i’m even voting for you!
God,
Ummm… that was my step-father that caught me performing fellatio on the hobo and if it’s all the same to You, I don’t want You to love me the way that he loved me. Can’t You love me in a non-molesting sort of way?
I love real good, God. I love everybody the same and real good and sometimes for real cheap. Except for Josh, I’ll make him clean out his checking account if he wants my love. Is that a sin, God?
Hey God,
Is Jesus censoring You again? You called us bastards and now we’re cretins.
Nun,
Why can’t you accept that you’re all bastards and cretins?
MOTHERFUCKER! He did it again!
Lucifer,
I can accept that. Why can’t Jesus?
Because HE’S A FAG!
I wonder how Jesus handles the hole. Hahaha… get it? The hole? Get it? Hahaha.
Nun I can’t you’d charge me above market value. I thought we kissed and made up.
Josh
nun, you know damn well how jesus handles the hole. he’s only one of them pseudo-gays.
I’m not gaaayy!! I’m asexual.
you’re a ken doll that likes musicals?
sounds kinda gay to me.
Josh,
No. You kissed and made up with yourself. I like to do that occasionally as well… well, I like to do that a lot actually.
As for you and me, I’m still a little resentful that you criticize what I say without even knowing what I say. Calling Bridgette fat, loving the losers who tried their best, etc.
I’m a female so I would count on this resentment lasting the next 50 years. I will occasionally refer to the times that you wronged me as well. Sorry, that’s just how I roll.
Leave Jesus alone!! I love Him. He reminds me of all my gay buds.
For the last time, I’m NOT homosexual. I still love you, but please stop saying that.
shut up AND face!
Please, Jesus. I never said You were a gay. I merely said You remind me of my gay buds. As my gay buds are all upstanding individuals who never sin(except for that whole anal thing) I would think You’d be honored.
I love You but You still remind me of my gay buds. And my hippy buds too!! I just hope You smell better than them.
I can’t believe I just misspelled hippie. I’m a fucking idiot!!!
God, please take pity on me and correct my idiotic misspelling.
Nun,
If you’re charging Josh for you to render services doesn’t that make you a whore. You had mentioned that you were a slut. Which one is it? BTW your beef curtains aren’t sexy.
Nun,
You’re breaking my heart. You were never this funny until you got mad at me for telling other people I thought they are funny.
Josh
Cooper,
I’m a fucking liar too.
Now shut the fuck up.
I can’t help it, Josh. It’s my vagina that makes me behave this way. Believe me, I wish I had a penis instead.
Damn you, vagina!!
I’d figure you’d be a liar, you are a woman or something close to it.
God said: “DAMN YOU NEB! You are the dumbest poster here. I banish you to Missouri!”
God, You just raised the IQ of Missouri.
Josh - Yep, all Male, 100% hetero meat here! (At least, that’s what Nun told me, after she drank three Mudslides and a couple of Long Island Ice Teas.)
And thanks for the feedback, it’s Open Mike Night at the Boom-Boom Room at the Holiday Inn. I like to polish up my material before trying it out in public.
Nun? Your panties are still hanging off my car bumper.
Bridgette? The same.
beef curtains, that’s funny…
i won’t even tell you to shut up, cooper.
“Believe me, I wish I had a penis instead.” Don’t feel bad, Nun. There’s a lot of men who will share their penises with you.
Cooper,
That’s funny because that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking about you. Now is THAT ironic or what?
Yo Yo,
I do not wear undergarments as they just get in the way. Those are somebody else’s panties. Cooper’s maybe?
Cooper, are you a size 6?
I recognized Bridgette’s underwear, they were made by the same company that produced Christo’s Reichstag wrapping artwork.
Nun,
Maybe you should consider wearing undergarments. You’re flap jacks are gross, and you could use something to tuck your roast beef in.
I don’t like Christo’s artwork so much as I like all the angry rednecks who react to it because it’s modern.
apparently it takes 2 monitors to be pleasant.
Cooper, are you jealous that my pussy is prettier than yours?
A snatch that looks like its been run over by a lawnmower is pretty? I guess we will have to agree to disagree.
nun’s snatch is modern art, then.
Oh, I see what’s happening here. You’ve been looking at somebody else’s vagina. What you’ve described is not my snatch… well, maybe after Lucifer gets done with me but I usually heal up just fine and everything returns to normal within a few days.
92% of the people in the US believe in God. How does this country function?
because that makes them believe that hard work pays off in the end. It’s the dream of success that keeps the US running. If people realized that no matter what over coming the station they were born into is a long shot, people would put down the remote and take what they want.
Can you dig it? Caaaannnn you diiiigggggg it?
Josh
I agree with Josh, I mean look at all the people who vote republican who aren’t rich. They think that they will be at some point. I find these folk rather comical.
horatio alger. the lottery. poor people voting for bush. 92% of us live in fear.
What’s worse is the black people voting for Bush. Hello!! Kanye was right, Bush don’t like black people.
Nun,
I disagree, Bush doesn’t like poor people. It just so happens that the poor people the news shows are black.
I worked on some Iraq plans for telecommunications systems, and it’s amazing how Haliburton always seemed to get the contract. They say Bush is stupid, but he’s not, he’s done more for his rich buddies and his wallet than any dumb person could.
Josh
Josh,
You treated me badly once. Do you remember that? Boy, I sure do!!
I don’t disagree that Bush doesn’t like poor people but you can’t make me believe that he likes rich black people either.
Der dude,
People vote republican because of wedge issues. Stop the gays! Look out for Mexicans! Look at this shiney toy I have that distracts you from the failing economy and my war on “terror”
Whatever.
Josh
Nun,
He tolerates rich black people like Condy Rice n’ Beans, and Colonoscopy Powel and the other rich black people he has at his fundraisers.
Josh
if you want an accurate picture of how stupid people are, just look at presidential approval polls. they swing 10-20% based on arbitrary events. we got saddam?!! up 20% gas prices?! down 20% people are reactionary dimwits and they’re mostly fat and religious like bridgette.
He bought them. Powell realizes now what an error he had made. Too little too late in my opinion. I’m not even sure what the deal is with Rice but I’m ashamed that she’s a female.
I agree with Cracka. We’re all a bunch of sheep easily distracted. Get us hooked on who’ll be the Next American Idol and we’ll look the other way when the government commits it’s atrocities.
Hey - I voted. For the next American Idol.
Agreement - we’re all foolish, looking at what happens today to decide how we feel about the President, not looking at long term goals, etc.
But give us our bread and circuses, we’ll be happy, even while civilization collapses around us.
What? Too gloomy? My pain creates my humor.
Nun,
A term I’ve seen around is ’sheeple.’
Josh,
Yes I agree that fear of strangers is probably enough to get people to vote republican (though the democrats are almost as bad).
why are we being all civil and intelligent?
FACE!!!!!!
tell us about your kooch again, nun!!
No. Cooper is mean. I’m sure he’s a woman hating fag.
FACE!!
You fucking sheeples.
Condi Rice got an oil tanker named after her.
‘Condi Rice’ is an anagram for Iconic Red. Read into that what you will.
Condi Rice is a fucking commie!!!
i knew i hated her for more reasons than just because she’s black!!
uppity,
I guess I’m just too old and tired to rant & rave. I do like to witness a good rant, though. I think Chris Rock is about the best at it…
^
|
FACE!
FUCK! cracka push to limit. me likey.
But, is she black enough?
What do you expect, Neb? He’s a cracka.
“Yes I agree that fear of strangers is probably enough to get people to vote republican (though the democrats are almost as bad).”
Yes, let’s not use the term Republican as if Democrat is the correct answer. Any party that needs to align its thinking to a consistent model is retarded.
But I don’t vote, because bloodvarks are not considered US citizens.
YET
Are we all bloody Americans? I think even God gave away His nationality when he referred to “this country”.
I am not American. And look at My Comment, I never said that you bastarcretan.
Nun,
I just don’t like your meat wallet. It looks and smells gross.
Thank You that You’re not American. I could have swore You said “this country” though.
Cooper,
I wouldn’t touch your gay woman-hating ass with a ten foot pole so I don’t know whose nasty snatch you’ve been exposed to but it wasn’t mine. If you were ever lucky enough to see mine you’d be commenting on how pretty it is.
hey sheeple, you shood all go to da ask god: june thread and welcome butthead and crackhead. they some funny dumb fuck jigger cunts.
Hey wait a minute! I’m gay and I live in Missouri. You people are ruthless.
Yeah, yeah, I know . . . “shut up, Curtis.”
Nun,
You’re as attractive as retard in high heels. I wouldn’t want you to touch me, especially after reading about your hobbit fetish.
You should move, Curtis. Missouri does not know how to properly appreciate the gays. I love the gays… except for Cooper. He’s my arch-nemesis.
And I hope God smites the holy hell out of Neb.
Cooper,
You ARE a retard in heels.
Nun,
Way to be original sagtits.
nun,
wha? whad i do?
Where God I need to talk to this fool about some things.
She is sadistic. Your pain is her pleasure.
God just smite the U.S. congress
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7498753.stm
Who in the hell are you calling a fool?! You are the fool!
But I forgive easily, because I love. How can I help you Butthead?
Umm I’m calling you the fool god who else? I thought you were god, ya know for god you aren’t all that smart.
Listen god, what are you telling these people?
Who the hell are you?
You know what where this “jesus” and this “devil dude”
Nada, Neb. I just like to watch God smite the holy hell out of people.
I hope Beavis shows up. I always liked Beavis better.
At least once during your lifetime, you should love a retard in heels, the same way Nun’s stepfather loved her.
Poll finds 92 percent of Americans believe Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks.
Poll finds 92 percent of Americans are retards who enjoy wearing high heels.
poll finds 100% of fallen angels have tiny hands and feet…
you know what that means.
“poll finds 100% of fallen angels have tiny hands and feet…
you know what that means.”
No, what?
small dinky.
it’s a proportion thing.
Good thing I took a dive.
Poll finds 100% of Ned enjoy getting polled up the butt.
100% of Neb too.
I always wondered about body builders. They spend a lot of time making their muscles large, which makes their pricks look smaller by comparison.
I, on the other hand, have not worked hard to achieve my skinny body, so Mr. Happy (aka Lil’ Yo Yo Ma Ma) looks much larger.
During my whole life, which started before the world itself, I have never worked a single day. Except in Porn.
lucifer brags a lot for a guy who’s supposed to be so-o-o-o-o cool.
overcompensate much “dark prince”?
i think he gives himself these catchy nicknames and makes up stories about how much of a badass he is because he’s insecure about that whole getting kicked out of heaven thing. probably sends himself roses on valentine’s day.
Hey, I knew true, pure, unadulterated, all-powerful love, once. Can you say the same?
see what i mean? the guy can’t let anything go.
God already smited him like a billion times and he just keeps talking.
He smites because He loves, you asshole!
have you ever tried saying your sorry, lucy?
(baby steps)
I never understood that whole Fall thing.
Here’s God, makes an imperfect angel (Lucifer). He then makes Adam and Eve, and doesn’t kick Lucifer out of the Garden. Lucy stirs up trouble, gets everyone kicked out.
God should have either kept Lucy out of the Garden, or scratched everything and started over. (Instead, He waited until His big Flood Scene to pull that trick.)
Sorry? Who do you think I am? Jesus? The only thing I’m sorry is not having taken over Heaven yet. Yes, I rule Hell and the Earth is my playground, but there’s no challenge anymore…
Yo Yo-
First, He made me PERFECT. In fact, I was His favourite. I was so awesome, in fact, that I decided life had to be more than just grovelling at His feet.
Second, He TRIED to keep me off the garden, but there’s a difference between trying and achieving. God has been underachieving since The Beginning of Time.
(If only you had seen the original plan for Time, you’d know what I’m talking about. This thing you know as Time, it’s like watching a script you carefully developed being spewed out by the Hollywood production machine…)
no wonder why you immortals are so pissy
Lucifer, sadly, God has grabbed all the mainstream media outlets, and politicians claim to talk to him. How do you present your side of the story?
“Dictator surrounds himself with sychophants, forces them to worship him. When one of them questions his leadership, dictator exiles him and his friends.”
and just like that
yoyo’s gettin’ a smite
Lucy was a test for mortals as the story goes, and they failed thus dooming us all to a world of sin. Doesn’t sound fare does it? Yet God claims to be perfectly just.
But without Lucy, God’s light doesn’t shine as bright. You need darkenss to apprciate the light. That’s the same reason God gave Lucy a small wang, so His would look oh so much bigger.
Josh
josh’s theory is weird.
That’s because Josh is gayer than Jesus.
shut up
Oh Lucy aka Needle Dick the Bug Fucker,
Please don’t call me gay just because you’re manly meat is a cold cut. You have big horns on your head, that should count for something, no?
Josh
the horns are fake. glued on. he had some work done on his face, too. i guess after ten thousand years things start sagging a little.
Lucifer has a massive cock. He keeps it in a box in his bedside table.
haha! take that satanus!!
BUTTHEAD!!!! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME?! I AM THE ALMIGHTY LORD YOUR GOD AND NOW YOU WILL SUFFER FOR YOUR MANY BLASPEMIES!!
I SMITE YOU!!
http://www.searchforvideo.com/watchclip.php?title=beavis+and+butthead+let+the+bodies+hit+the+floor&link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2F%3Fv%3DNm1tDRJOMcw&description=the+title+says+it+all&source=YouTube.com&image=http%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FNm1tDRJOMcw%2Fdefault.jpg+&category=directory&searchterm=%252Fentertainment%252Fanimation%252Fbeavis-and-butthead%252F
best smiting yet!!
yeah, nun. It’s called a “dildo” and he uses it frequently up his ass.
Fuck it. I wrote too quick.
Great job smiting Butthead, God! You seemed a little hard on Beavis though. Beavis hasn’t even showed up and if he did, he’d probably just eat nachos, giggle and look for TP for his bunghole. Did You smite Beavis hard because You hate his hair?
Luis,
He uses it frequently up everybody’s ass.
Oh yeah!
cracka, I’m all set - I put Static Guard sheets in my boxers, they divert any smitings headed my way.
Yo Yo,
Say it’s for the smitings all you want but we all know that’s just another way to turn yourself on.
yeah, to divert smitings i keep my hand in my pants
Is masturbating a sin?
i hope not.
cross your fingers.
Masturbation is definitely not a sin, so long as you only think about Me when you do it.
http://www.christianity.net.au/questions/from_christianitynetau_moblog1491
hope? HOPE? What do you mean by HOPE, you fucking atheist ass-hole? You can’t HANDLE the HOPE!
wheew, God, that is fucking gross. Sorry, but I have problems picturing an old-man while I am at it.
Nun,
Dang it, ya found out my dirty little secret! Of course, I didn’t mention that I’m being whipped by that cutie in Accounting, she’s wearing nothing but a couple of strategically placed Post-It notes.
Nun asked: “Is masturbating a sin?”
Only if you do it right.
Hey, at least it’s sex with someone I love!
Masturbating to God… I love You God but am I the only one that’s a little disturbed by that?
Watch out, Yo Yo. Satan gave that cutie in accounting the same demon disease he gave to me. You can learn to live with it but it hurts like a mother when you pee.
Think of it this way. If you’re masturbating, you should only think about God. Now, we know God has multiple forms. If you like, you can picture God as a Pamela Anderson, or any porn star of your choice and label her “God”. If you are women, picture Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise or whatever. If you are gay men, picture Jesus.
Tom Cruise!?! Tom Fucking Cruise!?!?! Dude!!
I like to picture Matthew McConaughey. I don’t care if he is a smelly.
Nun, I always wrap my stump before I hump.
And Luis, only gay men think about Tom Cruise when they slam the ham.
My wife isn’t gay men. FACE!
Sorry Luis but I think your wife needs to replace her eyes if she’s still looking at Tom Cruise like he’s a hottie.
Yo Yo,
Be careful, man. Demon diseases do not fear the condom.
God, is it a sin to rape someone who was just asking for it? I mean, come on, she was asking for it!
from the article:
“Negatively, masturbation’s bad when its combined with stuff God hates.”
so…thinking of anal with a woman in st patrick’s cathedral? EVIL!!
only think of vaginal on a continent other than africa or asia.
NO ATHEIST SEX PLEASE!
“its”
How does Cooper masturbate if vaginas gross him out?
It’s your meat drapes that gross me out Nun.
curtains of beef.
beefy taco.
arby’s 1/2 pound roast beef sandwich
Shut up, Cooper
shut up, neb
Bleah, I had fast food for lunch, now I wanna hurl.
Easy there Nun, try wearing your ovaries on the inside.
Frankly, I’m a little bit worried about Good King Wenceslas. I haven’t heard a peep out of him since Christmas. It’s like he’s completely fallen off the radar. He was everybody’s new best friend during the Yuletide celebrations but now he’s become a total recluse.
yeah he big jerk.
nun’s girl parts are a man taco
she’s got a butt mohawk in the front
I guess I must blame myself. I should never have left that drunken comment on the Feast post. You know, the one where I wrote: “Actually, Wenceslas, the snow just looks like a heap of sludgy brown shit, if you ask me.”
Neb said: “arby’s 1/2 pound roast beef sandwich”
With extra cheese and mayo? Hold the pickle!
yum yum
Shut up Cooper.
FACE IN YOUR FACE!!
Is that all you have Nun, or should be keep talking about your turkey lips?
cooper vs. nun - 2008!
Stop it, all of you! Do you want God to get mad and start smiting?
God’s been smiting for over 10,000 years, when did he stop?
I’ve got plenty Cooper but you’re not worthy of originality so…. shut up Cooper.
FACE!!
Well, he hasn’t smote here in a few hours, let’s keep him appeased. No virgins to sacrifice, anyone got a goat?
nun is goat.
Perhaps but I’m not a virgin so sacrificing me would probably just piss God off.
There is a reason why God hates women, they’re illogical. ‘FACE’ is supposed to follow a snappy/witty comeback. You had neither. I know it’s hard to clever being a women. It’s a fact.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/4183166.stm
FACE!
Nun,
How many whiskey dicks did you go through before you actually got laid?
“I know it’s hard to clever being a women.”
????
that’s embarrassing.
might i do the honors?
shut UP, cooper.
Cooper said: I know it’s hard to clever being a women.
Dude. Work on your sentence structure if you’re going to be so damned critical.
Yes, you may have the honor Cracka.
I can’t figure out if Cooper is trying to be funny or if he’s really just a bitter asshole. If he really has a problem with people talking about my coochie then maybe he should get pissed at the guy who stuffed the midgets up there to begin with. Of course, he should also realize that none of this is reality either.
hoo-hoo!
i’m banning this blog.
I’m banning Cooper.
I wish God would banish Cooper to Haiti. Let his anal-loving ass deal with the evil voodoo high-priestess and chubbasaurus tourists.
he’ll unban it tomorrow
i didn’t unban yesterday
that’s true he didn’t
Cooper said: “I know it’s hard to clever being a women.”
Yoda thinking you are?
Nun,
You weren’t serious when you wrote about the hobbits? Well, I wasn’t serious about you cooter either.
Shut the fuck up Cooper!
Calm down, your goat bags might explode.
What are goat bags anyway? Another feminine body part that you wish desperately to have?
The comments on this used to be funny, now they are just stupid.
Hjorrdis, I agree. Time for God to smite this blog! Or at least, give us a new topic to read and dispute.
the longer it goes, the less funny it becomes
need a new topic from the almighty
I believe that human kind are merely irrelevant tubes of biological matter farting and belching on a worthless, insignificant rock that is aimlessly spinning through an endless void of meaningless space.
Chew on that, God!
Nun,
I would like to extend to you my sincere apologies for my unnecessary attacks on you and your integrity. It was wrong, immoral and immature. I really don’t know how it all got started. I’ve written appalling and distasteful things that I would never let my children hear. My behavior is inexcusable, and uncalled for. I can only hope that you and God find it in your hearts to forgive me.
but we never talk about the topic anyway!
Cooper, that was a very thoughtful and mature apology.
Something like that has never happened on this blog - what happened??
I believe that humans are some kind of sick alien experiment gone horribly awry.
Cooper,
God forgives everybody. I am a female so alas, I forgive nobody. Better luck next time.
Neb. ’strewth in what you said. I’m just here to while away time whilst my programs chew up and digest data and shit out colorful reports.
Cooper,
Stop trying to steal my thunder! I was the first to piss of Nun, the first to apologize and the first to be unforgiven!
Josh
i would like to talk about the topics more. i think if we could find more of a balance between stupid fun and intelligent conversation that would be better. the fact that 92% of this country are deluded and believe in a magic man in the sky is incredible. but also depressing i suppose. what’s there to say? things will never change. there is no cure for the mental virus of religion. what can we do but laugh?
Nun,
I hope you to find it in you to at least accept my apology. You have every right to be angry and hold a grudge. My behavior warrants no other recourse. Having to resort to such tacts is disgraceful at best.
Listen ShitFace God, Let me Fucking holla at cha bitchass for a sec,
Who the Fuck do you think you are saying does awful shitty things about my country. Africa is a beautiful and great place so are Asian people.
I for one don’t find your ass funny one bit. Making fun of things or people or rude comments ain’t half way funny. WHAT’S FUNNY IS PROBABLY YOUR UGLY ASS FACE YOU JACKASS.
You can kiss my big black and beautiful African ass you dickhead.
Don’t fuck with my country or i’ll fuck you up. You hella lucky i don’t know your ass.
Instead of writing rude and awful comments to people because you are a 40 year old man that lives in your mother basement and can’t get a fucking date, why don’t you go back to touching yourself in the bathroom and save everyone else the trouble.
BURN IN HELL YOU WANNA BE
Dudes!! This is God’s blog. If you take anything that is written in the comments section seriously then you need to take a step back.
Cooper and Josh both confused me because they both actually seemed to be pissed off at me. For what reason, I don’t know. Maybe because I have a vagina.. that much is true at least although I don’t go around with a whole gaggle of dwarves inside.
My advice to both of you is to lighten the fuck up. I don’t know either one of you and sorry but I don’t give a rat’s ass about either one of you. I am not pissed at either of you so just fucking drop it.
Yo Nun,
I was lightening up and joking with Cooper. Do you really think I care what an anonymous poster who i will never meet or talk to says? Come give me some credit, I’m no Bridgette.
African Girl,
You’re an idiot. Africa is a country? Dumb unfunny ass who can’t even stick to the fake character you created. It starts of with urban slang and then forgets all about that. Let me holla at cha!
Josh
Actually Josh, I know you’re joking today… yesterday, I wasn’t so sure. I just lumped you in there because I’m a female and have to hold my grudge against you. You wronged me!!!!!
God first off I have to confess
I love that song
=)
Now we’re going to have to talk about some of the things on your hated list.
Listen bitch I’m of Asian decent and I was reading your shit and stuff yeah I was pretty pissed about that but you know at the same time I couldn’t help laughing
So let me tell you something you little dicksucker,
Ain’t nothing wrong with Asia or Africa
So what I think needs to happen is that you need to get the dildo out of your ass before some Asians and Africans come beat the shit out of you or before I push my foot down there
:]
So um God where ya Live?
Just asking, no reasons at all. ;]
Get a fucking sense of humor, African Girl. Since you’re too stupid to know that Africa is actually a continent.
LISTEN Nun Ur Damned Bizness, Let me holla at cha for a Sec,
Now who the fuck are you? I recall speaking to God not your bitchass.
You know what dickass, why don’t you tell me where you live or give me your number.
kiss my ass you shitface.
African Girl,
Damn it woman! If Africa is so great move there. It’s call satire. Hija de la puta madre!
You can’t holla on the internet. Dumbass.
Is it embarrassing? You know, to get all high and mighty about your ‘country’ only to realize it’s not a country at all? Damn. I’d be so embarrassed if I did some dumb shit like that.
NO African girl! YOU ARE WRONG! YOU are the one who shall BURN IN HELL!
I sit IN GLORY on My Heavenly Throne and I will smite viciously all those who slander My Holy Name!
Africa is a terrible, smelly, awful place and I deeply regret ever creating it or by consequence you. Your repulsive facial skeletal structure strongly resembles that of a gorilla. Your hair is dry and nasty like that of the horse.
And now, for insulting Me, I SMITE YOU WITH AIDS! Well, you already had HIV before you insulted Me, but now it’s developed into full-blown AIDS. DIE CUNT!
Butthead,
Just because you are of Asian descent does not mean you must remain loyal to that putrid, failed shit-stain of a continent. Repent now and I shall forgive you for being born Asian.
Listen Cooper I’m not going to allow you to say stuff to my friend in spanish. If you’re got shit to say say it in english. I’m sure we can all in different langauge. I know you said daughter of (forgot what puta means) mother. Yeah bitch I do understand basic spanish so if you got something to say say it in english so we can understand kay?
:]
thx
but anyways we don’t have time for you guys we want to speak to god is that so wrong?
Puta = whore
Butthead je ne sais pas pourquoi tu ne me comprend.
Oh my goodness, African Girl really escalated things. I wish people would be more jolly.
Alright.
god-I will not repenting to a computer figure of god lmao um hell naww. What the hell up your ass? Is it because u haven’t got laid yet or something? Whats wrong with being Asian or African? May I dare say your racist god?? Hmm What happened to god/jesus loved all the little children?
cooper- i told you i only understand basic spanish
so what does punta mean? isn’t it like bitch or something?
Post #258 was French. Here is the translation:
“Butthead I don’t know why you don’t understand me.”
Puta means whore is Spanish.
“Pedau” (Polish)
puta means fuck or fucker… depending on how you use it. spanish slang.
oh i thought it was spanish because of tu and me
yeah but i though it was a little weird
are you spanish cooper?
God damn 263 comments… I knew I should have practiced my deadly sins (like sloth) instead of working so hard the past few days…
As for African girl… no Black woman from Africa says dickass. Me thinks that you are more then likely white (hence the lack of creativity in your profanities); Male, albeit confused about your sexuality and definitely contemplating either a sex change or perhaps a little browneye entrance exam (not the one that winks, the one that stinks); and after careful examination I would even wager that you live with your parents and have yet to attain carnal knowledge of another.
so in the words of some dude from texas chainsaw massacre 2… LICK MY PLATE YOU DOG DICK.
Tu is used in French and Spanish.
I am Spanish.
uppity- “anal with a woman in st patrick’s cathedral? EVIL!!”
God regularly smites me for people’s fantasies about this. They’re rather mild smitings (lost car keys, stubbed toe, etc.) but I’d aprecciate it if everybody’s masturbatory fantasies about anal would take place in another saint’s cathedral.
African Girl- “Africa is a beautiful and great place so are Asian people.”
Africa sucks and God regularly smites my irish with malaria for going there. You may be right about Asian people being a great place… but probably only for white nerds into any series that begins with the word “Star.”
Butthead- “I will not repenting to a computer figure of god lmao um hell naww.”
/facepalm
LISTEN, I’m gonna fucking holla at cha before i fucking kill your asses,
ESCUCHE, soy holla de joder de gonna en cha antes yo joder mata sus asnos,
ECOUTER, je suis gonna baise holla à cha avant que je baise tue vos ânes,
聞く 私が である だった その前にchaのhollaと性交する 私 いまいましい あなたの尻を殺す
Yes I do love my Motherland AND you shitty people have nothing better to do than listen to the shit these Gods wanna-be say about things, which aren’t funny.
Fuck all of ya
Kiss MY Black African Ass
Bese MI Asno africano Negro
Embrasser MON Ane africain Noir
キス私の黒いアフリカの尻〔ばか者〕
I’m done with this fakeass site.
Now all of ya go get a fucking life.
The QUEEN is OUT
Did you lern2babelfish??? YAHOOOOOOOOOOO!
당신이 딕을 미행하는 나의 격판덮개를 핥으십시오
‘African girl’ you are such a bad writer. we can all see through your pathetic attempt to write as a black girl. stick to writing as yourself, AKA Butthead.
Uppity - great catch on that article. not only is it fucking hilarious, they actually use the phrase ’stuff god hates!’ fucking incredible.
http://www.christianity.net.au/questions/from_christianitynetau_moblog1491
did any of you other schmucks read this shit?!
I’m not african girl . it was pretty funny what she said though. I see we’re talking in different langauages now.
but neb let me ask you a question
how do you know if african girl is black or not?
sure you’re not, butthead. sure, we really believe you. you’re not african girl. you just happened to show up at the same time, and start out with an urban slang style as crackhead/butthead, and you all just happen to have the same icon because none of you ever enter in an email. you must be fucking retarded to think we wouldn’t see through that. just who the fuck do you think you’re dealing with here, ese?
neb well obviously you aren’t all that smart because we aren’t the same people . How come she’s african and i’m asian? but let me tell you a little secret since you think you got me figured out, we’re actually just friends sitting here laughing at your post over the phone. Yeah, thats right fool so suck that down your fucking throat. so get this fucking straight me and african girl aren’t the same people. Oh, and african girl really is african if you don’t believe me ask “god” then.
Yeah so I guess I’m not the retard here neb
:]
ooooo while we link conspiracies i find it strange that both of them post within minutes of each other and both use the :] for a smiley. and one is conviently Asian the other from African so that they can bitch in unison like a god hating glee club.
AND if African Girl was really a girl, she would have also bitched about #7 on Gods most hated hit list….. WOMEN.
I move that the following be made true:
Butthead/Crackhead=African Girl=Not Asian or African
and the following slogan be adopted:
EBONICS… YER DOIN IT WRONG.
God using your all seeing eye(s) and prior to the impending smiting, I was wondering if you have blog stats that show IP addresses?
This limp-wristed schizo couldn’t beat up a bloodvark with both arms tied behind its back with its tongue, so I don’t know why he is issuing threats online.
Wait, I do. It’s because he’s 11.
But I find it funny how getting together with one or two other people to attempt attacking a web-blog is a more appropriate use of time than reading and enjoying it.
No John, YOU ARE THE DEMONS!
Listen Buzzlebee whatever the fuckk yer name iss.
We’re two different people if we were the same people how come african girl isn’t here?
yeah smart ass answer that question.
Well whateverr i’m out of this lame ass god racist site because this dibshit sitting here on the internet joking about people dying and shit and being racist and what not talking about africans and them having aids .Karma is a hell of a thing bitch.
And if you think your so smart bummblebeezzkljlaf whatever your name is then whats my race then? I think I would know more about myself then you do. So kiss my ass
Oh ps. everybody uses the :] thing ok hun. so don’t get it twisted love. It was cute of you to play dective nice try.Yeah I’m gone
=]]
Karma isn’t real and you are an idiot.
That’s all I gathered from that butchering of the English language.
Using My Omniscient Powers, I can confirm that Butthead and African Girl are not the same person according to their IP addresses, although they are both from the same town of Aston, PA.
I can also confirm that they are both ROULIQs (Rodents of Unusually Low IQ’s).
Honestly, God. I don’t know why You don’t smite more.
Wow I didn’t know so many of your pumfugvilpigbots
Sorry. Here is what i meant to say:
Wow I didn’t know so many of your pumfugvilpigbots belived in us.
Thank you
Yea, god-dude this has nothing to do with you…
“Nearly 80 percent think miracles occur,”
See they are totally referring to me and my awesome lyre skillage…