Stuff God Hates

Jul 23rd, 2008 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Before I head out for another Glorious Day of Omnipotent Smiting, I have to comment on this news story I saw this morning.

Patrick Swayze Calls His Recovery a ‘Miracle’

Bullshit! Your recovery is no miracle Patrick. I hate you more than ever you self-absorbed shirt-lifter, and your smiting is going exactly as planned. I have merely let you temporarily recover from your cancer so as to get your hopes up, only so that when I dash them again it will be that much more crushing! HAHAHAHAHA!

Newsflash dipshit! Your TV show will fail! Then the IRS will discover a discrepancy and seize all your assets! Your formerly loving wife will be revealed to be a gold-digger and leave you for some European! And then Patrick, penniless and alone, your pancreatic cancer will return with a vengeance! But wait it gets better! You will die but the news coverage of your death will be pathetic and short-lived because I will have Beyoncé die in a tragic treadmill accident the very same day! HAHAHAHA!

And then after all that, you still have an eternity in hell with the burning and the torture and the demon-rape. This is what you get for not being grateful enough for all the success and blessings I bestowed upon you Swayze!

I am the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. I giveth, and then I taketh away!

Tags: God, Shirtless Bastard, Swayze

Posted in People

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314 Responses to “God in the News - Swayze Still Alive”

on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:40 am1Lucifer

What do You mean, “an eternity in hell with the burning and the torture and the demon-rape”? I don’t want any part on this. Fuck You! You keep Patrick Swayze!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:38 am2Tony Snow

Amen to the second smiting surprise!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 11:53 am3Dean

Lord, I know this is offtopic, but I was reading the first sentence of this very post (”Before I head out for another Glorious Day of Omnipotent Smiting…”), a question popped in my mind: what time zone are you on?

XO,
Dean
on 23 Jul 2008 at 12:12 pm4uppity cracka

nobody puts God in a corner!! NOBODY!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 12:39 pm5Lucifer

Dean,

What kind of moronic idiot are you? God is omnipresent. He is on all time zones.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:15 pm6God

GET BACK SATAN! Leave Dean alone!

That being said, wow Dean, what are you, fucking stupid? I use this language to relate to you pitiful humans. Don’t take things like “before I head out this morning” literally. I am on all time zones.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:17 pm7Lucifer

I’m getting the feeling here that you don’t really like me, God. What’s up with that?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:17 pm8uppity cracka

yeah, don’t put God in a corner, dean!!

sorry. i’m done.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:19 pm9Josh

God,
Please rethink this, I beg you. Swayze is one of the few white people in history to have an “urban” slang word named after him.

“I’m Swayze” translates to “I’m out of here”

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:21 pm10uppity cracka

josh,
you and your dart league buddies at the american legion
do not constitute “urban”. keep up the begging, though.
that’s a nice touch.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:22 pm11Lucifer

I always thought that “I’m Swayze” translated to “Please kick my ass in previously unimaginably painful and humiliating ways, as if fit only for those who attract the wrath of God on themselves.” Hm.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:29 pm12Josh

Uppity,
Cracka please!

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:34 pm13God

Josh,

I am well aware of the slang phrase “I’m Swayze!” Do not fear - once Swayze is dead it will still mean the same thing, only more so. It will also mean what Satan translated it as, only more so.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:38 pm14Bloodvork

Satan: “I always thought that “I’m Swayze” translated to “Please kick my ass in previously unimaginably painful and humiliating ways, as if fit only for those who attract the wrath of God on themselves.” Hm.”

That is DEFINITELY what it means since that is the only viable and rational response I can think of to somebody uttering “I’m Swayze,” who wasn’t someone named Swayze introducing themselves.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:42 pm15uppity cracka

i feel like kicking some ass right now. just the thought of all this swayze is enough to make me want to freaking kill somebody!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:53 pm16uppity cracka

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
DIE, SWAYZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 2:24 pm17Josh

Bloodvork,
The phrase started of as “I’m ghost” as in “I’m not here anymore”, but with the movie Ghost doing so well and becoming part of American movie history, the phrase evolved into “I’m Swayze.” It’s in one of Mos Def’s songs, Ice-T, Gnarles Barkley, Biggie and even Tupac.

Uppity is so anti Swayze, it doesn’t even make sense, unless………

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 2:30 pm18Yo Yo Ma Ma

Shut up, Achmed.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 2:44 pm19uppity cracka

that’s right, josh. i’m a closet dirty dancer.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 2:53 pm20Lucifer

By proxy, is Josh accusing God of being a closet shirt-lifter dirty dancer?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:00 pm21Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

What are Your thoughts on Swayze’s cunt of a co-star, Demi Moore? Do You hate her as much as I? Any chance she’s got a smiting coming up?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:06 pm22Der Dude

Hi Nun,

Don’t you think that Demi is suffering right now in her 10,000 sf Malibu home? Any day now her kids will discover only the finest drugs that wealth can buy. Malibu (or ‘Bu as the locals call it) is rife with successful people whose kids end up in rehab before they get their learners permit.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:07 pm23Josh

Lucy,
I’m not accussing God of anything. There’s only one flaming diety on this blog and we both know who that is.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:10 pm24uppity cracka

zeus?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:17 pm25Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dude,

Yes, Demi is suffering. She can’t get a job and her eldest resembles a toy that I gave my son to play with as a toddler. Poor Rumer, she got smited in her face, HARD.

Anyway, I digress. That is not enough suffering. I want Ashton to give her herpes. Oh wait, I think that already happened. I want her uterus to fall out in front of Hyde and to have the whole embarrassing fiasco caught on tape by the paps. I want a bunch of other stuff to happen to her too but I’m willing to let God use His imagination for all that. Really, I’m very easy to please. If she fell and broke her nose and it was caught on tape, I’d be happy.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:22 pm26uppity cracka

nun didn’t like G.I. Jane.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:30 pm27Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Actually G.I. Jane was okay. Striptease sucked some major balls though.

Basically my dislike for Moore is because she did so much for women in the entertainment industry in terms of fairer compensation and the like and then promptly pissed away all that she had worked for. It was almost a step back for women in the long run.

And now I hate you, cracka for making me get all serious and shit.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:37 pm28uppity cracka

women. wtf?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:38 pm29Der Dude

Hey God,

I was thinking about your love for smiting folk and I started to wonder why. I mean, everything dies anyway, what’s the point? Is God really a Caligula like character?

No offense intended.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:38 pm30Bloodvork

“I’m ghost” should also be met with similar fistful response, but it’s not nearly as ridiculously stupid as “I’m Swayze.” It should be legally binding that anyone within audible range is obligated beat the crap out of whoever says that.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:48 pm31Lucifer

Dude-

Everything dies because God smites them. If He didn’t, stuff would last forever.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:52 pm32uppity cracka

bloodvork, that’s the spirit! it’s ass-kicking day on God’s blog.
DIE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:52 pm33Der Dude

Luci,

I understand the implications of Newton’s second law. I’m speaking of cancer in the young, crazy motherfuckers who kill people like John Lennon and stuff like that.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 3:55 pm34Lucifer

The young don’t worship God as much as they should, Lennon was an atheist and God’s a crazy motherfucker.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:05 pm35Der Dude

Thanks, Luci!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:07 pm36Josh

Bloodvork,
No one says “I’m ghost” or “I’m Swazye” anymore, that went out in the 90s with In Living Color and high top fades.

Lucy,
you should have your own divine blog.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:09 pm37Yo Yo Ma Ma

I just saw a headline on Yahoo: “Dolly Lashes Texas”“. I wasn’t sure if it was a weather report or a low budget porn movie. Thoughts, Nun?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:21 pm38uppity cracka

“God,
Please rethink this, I beg you. Swayze is one of the few white people in history to have an “urban” slang word named after him. “I’m Swayze” translates to “I’m out of here” -Josh”

then why’d you bring it up, josh? why’d you bring it up?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:24 pm39God

Nun - Yes, of course I hate Demi Moore, OF COURSE!!!

Dude - I don’t know what you just compared Me to, but you are going to pay for that slight you stupid fuck. You just wait, I’m going to torture you with frogs and locusts and migraine headaches.

Cracka - DAMN RIGHT! IT’S TIME TO KICK SOME ASS!! DIE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:27 pm40uppity cracka

YEAH! DIE YOU TEXAS SONS OF BITCHES! DIE! DIE! DIE!

“fuck you, i’m from texas”?
NO! FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU TEXAS!!!!!!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:28 pm41Der Dude

God,

Caligula! You know, the crazy Roman Emperor who was a sadist deluxe. Fer Chrissake, can’t a guy ask questions?

Owww! my head hurts!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:34 pm42Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo Yo,

With the porn industry being the way it is, unless Dolly is a dominatrix then it is simply a weather report. If it said Texas Lashes Dolly then we’d have ourselves a porno.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:36 pm43Josh

Uppity,
I brought it up because Swazye is part of history, he contributed to countless rap album lyrics. I’m not asking God to bring the term “I’m Swayze” back just asking him to spare a person who at one point had God’s favor.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:37 pm44Yo Yo Ma Ma

Can we keep the good-looking Texan women?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:38 pm45Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I like the Texan men. Until they start talking.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:39 pm46Yo Yo Ma Ma

Hmmm… Dolly parton in leather?

Nun, I saw a headline about “Bush pulls out of Iraq”. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:42 pm47Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, Yo Yo. Bush is not smart enough to fuck properly so he did it backwards.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:44 pm48Yo Yo Ma Ma

LOL!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:46 pm49Der Dude

Hey Nun,

You mean guys like Andy Roddick & Lance Armstrong? Or guys like our current Prez? Or maybe Billy Gibbons?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:47 pm50Der Dude

Bush may not know how to fuck, but he sure knows how to fuck up!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:54 pm51Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dude,

I mean cowboys. Cowboys who say very little but carry a big stick. Those are the only Texans I like. I should have been more specific previously.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:04 pm52Benjamin

barf.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:18 pm53Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Shut up, Ben. Every time you post I’m struck with the notion that you’re about 12 years old.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:23 pm54uppity cracka

nun prefers her men to stay quiet, especially the 12 yr olds. (practice for the questions police ask)

i don’t want to hear excuses, josh! it’s “kill ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out” day!! eat my furious e-violence!!!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:31 pm55Josh

Uppity,
Don’t give God more work, He already is so overwhelmed that He resorts to doing only one blog a week. He doesn’t have time to sort dead people out.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:35 pm56Curtis

Gee, it seems a bit tense and violent in here today. Patrick Swayze always puts me on edge too. That must be the reason. Is he from Texas?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:39 pm57Der Dude

Hey Josh,

I think God likes that type of work and He’s got nothing but time.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:49 pm58uppity cracka

it’s how God unwinds!!
KILL!!!!!!!!! KILL TEXANS AND SWAYZES!!!!!!!!
in fact look up the last name swayze in a texas directory and get to work!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:57 pm59Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Shame on you, cracka. I leave the 12 year old boys to the Catholic priests.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:58 pm60uppity cracka

yeah you do.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:05 pm61Josh

I can’t believe Jesus has not weighed in on this, I know he has a soft spot for Swayze and the big boys in Texas.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:21 pm62Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jesus is still in the hole. Not THAT hole.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:31 pm63Yo Yo Ma Ma

The people in Texas seem to have a soft spot for Jesus.

http://www.snopes.com/religion/jesusday.asp

http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org/ndoc/howtghfst.html

http://www.afterimagegallery.com/fentresspasadena.htm
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:35 pm64uppity cracka

nice save, nun.

she means not HER hole.

KILL!!!!!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:48 pm65Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t think Jesus spends a lot of time in girl holes.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:52 pm66Yo Yo Ma Ma

Well, Nun has several holes…
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:53 pm67Nun Ur Damned Bizness

They’re still all girl holes, Yo Yo. Jesus has no interest in my girl holes.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:55 pm68uppity cracka

hmm…maybe nun has a point. but, what does any of this have to do with the mass murder of texans and swayzes?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:57 pm69Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Jesus is still in the hole, that’s how it got started. You guys can’t blame me just cuz y’all a bunch of pervy perverts.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 6:59 pm70Yo Yo Ma Ma

Ah, but you can do anal with Jesus (as long as God doesn’t find out).
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:01 pm71Yo Yo Ma Ma

You can crossdress.

Like in that movie, “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”.

Starring Patrick Swayze…
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:06 pm72Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That movie sucks ass, Yo Yo. Priscilla Queen of the Desert is much, much better.

And my anus is still female.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:08 pm73Yo Yo Ma Ma

Strewth, but I was trying for the ‘Seven Degree’s of Kevin Bacon’ Touch.

And Jesus can turn out the light - I have no comparions, but would think your puckered pooper would feel/smell OK to Him.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:11 pm74Yo Yo Ma Ma

Granted, your hips wouldn’t feel right…
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:15 pm75uppity cracka

yoyo,

WHAT…

THE…

FUCK?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:19 pm76Yo Yo Ma Ma

cracka, keep up. I tossed you an easy pitch over the plate - referring to Patrick Swayze - and expected you to come out killing.

Then Nun and I were discussing the sexual possibilities of her doing it for Jesus, I mean, with Jesus. Since he’s a little light in the sandals (if you know what I mean), she’d have to offer a different hole than she (perhaps) is used to using. And do it in the dark.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:25 pm77Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo Yo Ma Ma said: “And Jesus can turn out the light - I have no comparions, but would think your puckered pooper would feel/smell OK to Him.”

Jesus Christ!! You’re dirty, Yo.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:25 pm78uppity cracka

work is distracting me from my divine duties today. lots of sick old people and dumb questions.

i gotta get my game back…by KILLING SOMETHING!!!!!!

I HATE SWAYZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:26 pm79uppity cracka

yeah, puckered pooper, that’s almost enough to gross me out.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:27 pm80Yo Yo Ma Ma

Heh, five years of college (Being a Sophomore was the best two years of my life!) and a part-time job as an EMT will do that to you!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:28 pm81Yo Yo Ma Ma

Go cracker! Get in touch with your inner rage!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:28 pm82Bloodvork

Does anyone really have any comparions?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:30 pm83Yo Yo Ma Ma

Not I!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:30 pm84uppity cracka

DIE FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:43 pm85Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka,

It sounds like you are in a perfect position to go on a killing massacre. Kill the patients!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:47 pm86uppity cracka

with 18 gauge needles!! stab their eyes out!!! DIE, STUPID-ASS PATIENTS!!!!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:47 pm87Yo Yo Ma Ma

And steal their drugs!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:49 pm88Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yeah, yeah! Steal their drugs and share with the class.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 7:56 pm89uppity cracka

all right, i took care of a few “swayzes”…except for the last one, she was kind of hotter than a swayze. morphine drip is in, you guys have to wait your turn.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:12 pm90Curtis

18G, Cracka? Is that all? I’d use a 16G. Much more painful and probably bloodier.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:14 pm91uppity cracka

that’s the biggest one i could find. i bring my own from home tomorrow.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:18 pm92Curtis

I’m turning a bit cranky today too, but alas, a lack of Texans AND Swayzes.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:19 pm93Nun Ur Damned Bizness

What is it with you guys and the fucking of the unconscious? Is that really the best you poor fellas can do?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:22 pm94Der Dude

Damn! I’m too old for recreational drugs, but too young for the goodies that those that are not long for this world get.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:26 pm95Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You’re never too old for the sweet, sweet chiba, Dude.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:26 pm96Der Dude

Nun,

Unconscious negates unwilling.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 8:35 pm97Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Exactly, Dude. That’s my point. Is that really the best these guys can do?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:04 pm98Yo Yo Ma Ma

When I was in college, I was in a fraternity. Every evening, a coed would stop in and drink whiskey until she fell unconcious. Once that happened, we’d have our way with her, then send her home in a taxi.

One evening, she sat down at our bar and I passed her a whiskey. “No thanks”, she said, “I’ll have a beer, instead.”

We all groaned, and I asked her, “Why aren’t you drinking whiskey?”

“Whiskey makes my pussy hurt”.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:08 pm99Josh

ahhh the sound of recycled rape jokes.

yo yo if you’re going to do a rape joke at least make it funny and make it original.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:10 pm100Yo Yo Ma Ma

Shut up, Josh.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:20 pm101Josh

ouch you hit me with the “shut up” just because I called you on “your” joke. Man joke thieves are all the same, tell Mencia and Dane Cook hello at your meeting.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:21 pm102Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, are you Jewish?

When you tell a joke to a Englishman he laughs three times, once when you tell it to him, the second time when you explain it to him, and the third time when he understands it. The German laughs twice. Once when you tell it to him and again when you explain it, because he never understands it. An American laughs only once, when you tell it to him, because he gets it the first time. When you tell a Jew a joke, he says, “It’s an old joke, and besides, you tell it all wrong.”
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:21 pm103Yo Yo Ma Ma

Now shutup.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:25 pm104Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Whiskey makes my pussy hurt too. What in the holy name of hell do they put in whiskey anyway???
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:25 pm105Josh

Look who bought a joke book on Amazon!

you’re like those kids with stop snitching t shirts on. How about you stop commiting crimes and people wouldn’t have to tell on you!

and no I’m not jewish, I just got a Hebrew name because my parents love the lord so much. even my brother has a name of an apostle.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:26 pm106Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I agree with Josh about Carlos Mencia. He’s a fucking thief!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:38 pm107Bloodvork

Carlos is a hack, but Yo Yo isn’t getting paid to post on this blog.

I never heard that joke before, I like it. I will recite it to someone else I know later this week without fear of accusations of thievery.

Shut up, Josh.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:40 pm108Josh

Carlos is the worst.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCixAktGPlg
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:45 pm109Josh

I apologize yo yo, passing off stock jokes as your own in order to seem witty and funny is all good.

whatevs.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:47 pm110Der Dude

I tried watching Mencia’s show a couple of times, y’all are right, that guy ain’t funny! The ‘Mind’ of Mencia is a pair of 44 inch waist white jockey shorts with a week old skidmark.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:54 pm111Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ll ask you again, Josh. Why always so critical on a person’s sense of humor? Shouldn’t you have your own sense of humor before you criticize others?
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:56 pm112Josh

Nun,
I originally wasn’t really commenting on the joke, but the attempt to pass of other people’s jokes as your own. I guess if I did that I too could be known for a sense of humor on this site too.

A jew and a black man walk into a bar…. ahh fuck that.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:59 pm113Benjamin

He kids because he loves.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:00 pm114Josh

Ben,
you’re the only one who gets me.
But i still think it’s funny when Uppity tells you to shut up. Sorry.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:10 pm115Benjamin

It makes sense that I’m the only who gets you Josh, I too am I a goyim given a traditional Jewish name for some reason by my parents. Not only that, they named me Ben because I was supposed to be the last child. And then they went and had another fucking kid after me and ruined it.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:12 pm116Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo Yo isn’t known for his sense of humor.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:17 pm117Benjamin

Ouch!
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:20 pm118Bloodvork

Josh: “attempt to pass of other people’s jokes as your own.”

Was he, or was he just telling the joke the way it was meant to be told?

I highly doubt he screamingly sat at his computer and said “NO ONE WILL KNOW I GOT THIS JOKE SOMEWHERE ELSE, MUAHAAHAAHAAHAA!”

I think he just saw an opportunity to retell a joke he heard and make some people laugh because it was relevant to the current line of humor.

Way to ruin Christmas by being overly-critical.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:20 pm119Josh

talk about critiquing! that’s harsher than anythign I’ve ever said (except about Mencia, he’s a talentless hacky one trick pony who steal jokes from anyone)

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:22 pm120Benjamin

I always ruin Christmas.
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:22 pm121Josh

point taken bloody.

Josh
on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:28 pm122Benjamin

you’ll see it’s trooooo….someone like meeeeee……can learn to beeee…like someone like yooooooooo…….

Sorry. I’ve had that fuckin’ jungle book song stuck in my head for 3 weeks.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:07 am123Curtis

Geez you kids, go to bed already. It’s late.

I know, I know,

Shut up, Curtis.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:09 am124Curtis

Now lights out. No more bedtime stories. I mean it!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 12:14 pm125Anonymous

Bloodvork, yes, you got the point of the way I told the joke. Josh, I never said it really happened, I don’t preface my jokes by saying, “This is a joke” “Joke has ended.” That would spoil it

“Look who bought a joke book on Amazon! ”

Actually, I have a stack of ten year old Playboy magazines, between the pictures I found stories and jokes!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 12:16 pm126Yo Yo Ma Ma

Bloodvork, yes, you got the point of the way I told the joke. Josh, I never said it really happened, I don’t preface my jokes by saying, “This is a joke” “Joke has ended.” That would spoil it.

“Look who bought a joke book on Amazon! ”

Actually, I have a stack of ten year old Playboy magazines, between the pictures I found stories and jokes!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 12:16 pm127Yo Yo Ma Ma

Dang.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 12:24 pm128uppity cracka

shut up, everybody.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 12:39 pm129uppity cracka

silence is golden.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 12:51 pm130uppity cracka

that’s right, just shut up. it’s hangover day. only whispering is allowed.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:09 pm131Josh

yo yo now you’re just playing with symantics.
“when I was in college, we…” that’s saying it happened to you. if you don’t believe me go into the police station and say, “When i murdered that hooker…..” then later explain it was just a joke and did not really happen to you. BUt i get where you were doing, I dropped it, bloody showed me the way.

So me and two jews walk into a whore house……….

can you send me the playboy with Latoya Jackson? It makes me laugh every time.

Josh
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:12 pm132Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, I rename thee - your new name is Buzzkill.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:14 pm133uppity cracka

shhhhhhh…you guys are making my brain vibrate.

shut up, buzzkill.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:18 pm134Der Dude

Ummm…God…

Could you find it in your heart to make all these frogs and locusts go away? My head hurts really bad and all the chirping and croaking is making me miserable. I tried licking some of the frogs, but nothing..

Thanks for your consideration.

Der
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:20 pm135Josh

Fine yo, call me buzzkill.

I rename you Mencia Jr.

Buzzkill
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:32 pm136uppity cracka

oh, that’s right…the dude got smited. that must suck.

well, at least you don’t have to listen to these two dunderheads go back and forth about rape jokes.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:37 pm137Yo Yo Ma Ma

Josh, I don’t have the LaToya issue, but have the December 99 Playboy with Naomi Campbell, very nice condition!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:39 pm138Josh

Yo Yo,
that on is equally as funny. I like her long wig.

Josh
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:40 pm139Josh

I meant one, that one is funny! God damn it.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:48 pm140uppity cracka

sorry, josh, but you said that on is funny. you can’t fix it now. too late.
stupid josh.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:51 pm141Yo Yo Ma Ma

cracka, did you medicate your date?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:54 pm142Yo Yo Ma Ma

I’d like to be on Naomi Campbell
on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:54 pm143Josh

God damn my stupid brain and little girl fingers!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:00 pm144Yo Yo Ma Ma

“God damn my stupid brain and little girl fingers!”

Care Josh - He might do that!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:09 pm145uppity cracka

yoyo, i medicate the livin’ bejeezus out of all my dates.
my wife doesn’t even know she’s my wife.
but, at least i don’t have little girl fingers.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:19 pm146Josh

damn you uppity!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:22 pm147uppity cracka

no, damn you josh!
damn you, you freakin’ swayze ass chump!!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:32 pm148Yo Yo Ma Ma

Where’s The (No Longer) Unpleasant Jew? Banned the blog again?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:40 pm149Josh

no, double damn you you closet swazye lovin’ and big texas boy bangin’ teabagger!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:47 pm150uppity cracka

i’m wearing a damn proof vest and i damn you infinite times infinite plus i’m invincible and you have little girl fingers and one ball.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:50 pm151Josh

Uppity,
That’s why I aim my damns at the head. Damn proof vests be damned.

FYI - I don’t have little girl fingers and I have three balls.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:51 pm152Yo Yo Ma Ma

That’s mighty big talk for a one-eyed fat man.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:53 pm153Josh

Ha! I’m not bridgette.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:53 pm154Yo Yo Ma Ma

I darn you all! I darn you all to Heck!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:54 pm155Yo Yo Ma Ma

LOL, Josh!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:58 pm156uppity cracka

crap, i forgot my darn proof vest.
but, i have my invisible force field on, so you guys are screw-hoo-hoooooed, suckaz!!

in the name of the Lord, i SMI-I-I-I-I-ITE YOU SWAYZES!!!!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:58 pm157uppity cracka

did it work?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 2:59 pm158Yo Yo Ma Ma

Sorry, cracka, we’re still standing.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:03 pm159uppity cracka

wish i would have gotten that holy spirit job. you guys would be so freakin’ smited right now.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:08 pm160Der Dude

Listening to those guys is certainly better than listening to McCain state the the recent drop in oil prices is due to W’s lifting of the offshore drilling ban. It’s painful when people see a cause and effect relationship where none exists. What an idiot!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:12 pm161uppity cracka

yeah, that’s a pretty stupid thing to say. maybe God could smite him a little bit for us?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:18 pm162The Unpleasant (No Longer A) Jew

yo yo ma ma, i’m not no longer unpleasant, i’m no longer a jew. get your parenthesis right.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:20 pm163Der Dude

Good idea! God could you smite John McCain with maybe a teeny stroke so that he slurs and drools a little bit?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:28 pm164Nun Ur Damned Bizness

He already slurs and drools but conservative Republicans are too stupid to realize that. He’s a fucking idiot and going senile.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:30 pm165Josh

God does not have to smite McCain, time is doing it for us. He can barely lift one of his arms!

Yeah that off shore line is garbage, you will not see that oil for at least 10 years and you’ll be paying to install the equipment to get at it right now!

I like how Der Dude dropped the stupid guy act.

Whatevs. I ride a bike and take public transportation.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:32 pm166Der Dude

I’ve got a question for the Nun’s, the Uppity’s, the Unpleasants, the Yo-yo’s aand anyone else,

Where do you folks live? Nothing too specific, just a general area.

Thanks in advance.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:35 pm167Der Dude

I don’t have to act to be stupid, Josh. Just ask my wife!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:53 pm168Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I live in hell, Dude. Just ask Lucifer.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:56 pm169Der Dude

Hell, aka Blythe, CA.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:56 pm170Yo Yo Ma Ma

The Unpleasant (No Longer A) Jew, Sorry, I stand corrected, and will watch my parentheses in the future.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:57 pm171Yo Yo Ma Ma

De Dude, I live in New England, God’s Country. (He rents a nice condo on the Cape for the summer.)
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:00 pm172Der Dude

The reason I ask is that I notice a marked drop-off after 1:00 pm PDT.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:02 pm173Yo Yo Ma Ma

The East Coasters would have pushed off for home by then.

Anyone here from Europe?

Or further west, aka the Pacific Rim?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:02 pm174uppity cracka

i think we went over this before
somebody lives in west virginia (gross)

i live in minneapolis, the hipster part of town, hence the uppity-ness…
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:03 pm175Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Most of you are East Coasters, I’d bet on it.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:05 pm176Der Dude

Uppity, I love Minneapolis! My wife’s family used to live in Edina. Whenever we went to visit, I would do my part and feed the local mosquitos.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:05 pm177Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, where are you?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:06 pm178Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I am not on the East Coast.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:06 pm179Yo Yo Ma Ma

I listen faithfully to A Prairie Home Companion every weekend. Not much mention of Minneapolis.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:07 pm180Yo Yo Ma Ma

OK, let’s guess Nun’s location: Which hemisphere?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:08 pm181uppity cracka

E.D.I.N.A.
every
day
i
need
attention

cake eating no culture ass SUV driving latte sipping wankers with their stupid expensive mall and their crappy liquor laws!!!!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:09 pm182Der Dude

I say western hemisphere. She knows too much about American goings on to be from Europe (unless she’s an expat).
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:10 pm183Yo Yo Ma Ma

Agreement. And she doesn’t mis-spell words, a point in her favour.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:10 pm184uppity cracka

when w campaigned in minnesota, he’d go to edina, if that gives you any indication of why i hate edina.

i think nun lives in new orleans
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:11 pm185Der Dude

Yeah, Uppity. I noticed that everyone looked extremely Northern European. My wife’s family are Jews from Romania, so they were a little out of place. All her cousins live in St. Louis Park.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:14 pm186uppity cracka

st louis park ain’t bad. yeah, lots of scandinavians, which makes for good looking women, at least.

now, yoyo, as a new englander i must ask you to please stop taking our athletes and winning with them…seriously, fuck you guys. ortiz, moss, kage, what next? adrian peterson?

nun, do you live in denver?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:14 pm187Nun Ur Damned Bizness

New Orleans… why, cracka?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:15 pm188Nun Ur Damned Bizness

nope… I hate the Broncos and I hate John Elway… a non-Denverite that makes me.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:16 pm189Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hate John Elway with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

That’s a clue.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:17 pm190Der Dude

Uppity, How the hell did you know she was in Narlins?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:17 pm191uppity cracka

new orleans…cuz you’re a slut.

either KC, OAK, or SD
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:18 pm192Der Dude

Wait, apparently I misread… let’s see, she hates the Broncos….Oakland?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:19 pm193Yo Yo Ma Ma

Heh, we came due, the Curse of the Babe finally wore off, and we’re running with it.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:20 pm194Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, you’re not Canadian?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:21 pm195uppity cracka

well, could you run with it without using us as a farm system? you gave us your damn curse!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:24 pm196uppity cracka

ooh…the virgin islands?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:26 pm197Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Uppity, you’re limiting yourself. Think when Elway played.

Yo -

What’s wrong with being Canadian?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:26 pm198Yo Yo Ma Ma

Sorry, cracka. I wanted to get to Portland to watch Ortiz, but wasn’t able to go. How about them Twins?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:27 pm199Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, there’s nothing wrong with being Canadian, as long as they remember they’re the 51st state.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:28 pm200Curtis

I could watch you guys comment back and fourth all day.

Oh, wait.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:28 pm201Nun Ur Damned Bizness
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:29 pm202uppity cracka

twins play well everywhere but new york…and, apparently, boston. not bad for a team that gets paid in applebee’s gift certificates.

ohio-cleveland area.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:31 pm203Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I don’t live in the ghetto which knocks out Oakland and the whole state of Ohio.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:32 pm204Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope God smites Ohio and John Elway.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:32 pm205Curtis

Hey, what’s wrong with Ohio?!?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:33 pm206uppity cracka

crap. before reallignment, what was the other team in the afc west?
seattle?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:34 pm207Der Dude

Ohio… the place where people wear black ‘codger’ socks with shorts and sandals.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:35 pm208Curtis

Dude, it’s a good look. Especially if the sandals come from Wal-mart.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:35 pm209Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Do you live in Ohio, Curtis?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:36 pm210Curtis

Not at present. I was raised in Appalachia on a farm. NO JOKES!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:37 pm211Curtis

Southern Ahia, to be more clear.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:38 pm212Nun Ur Damned Bizness

okay… you said no jokes so I have no comment.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:39 pm213Curtis

Nun, we have coordinating avitars.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:40 pm214Der Dude

One great thing about Ohio is that Chrissie Hynde is from there. She’s still hot!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:41 pm215Curtis

I met her once. She’s hot, but a bit odd.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:42 pm216Nun Ur Damned Bizness

If our avatars mated, we would have happy offspring. Our avatars are cheery.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:42 pm217Yo Yo Ma Ma

Nun, did you tell us where you live?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:43 pm218Der Dude

Well, I would suggest anyone who seeks fame is a bit odd.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:43 pm219Curtis

But we look a bit like anorexic puffer fish.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:44 pm220Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Point taken, Dude. Ohio can’t be all bad if it spawned Chrissie Hynde.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:45 pm221Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Puffer fish are wicked cool, Curtis! They can kill.

No, Yo Yo. I didn’t.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:47 pm222Curtis

We should have applied for the holy spirit’s old job. We’d be like an incredibly cool smiting ultimate duo!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:48 pm223Benana

I think Nun lives in Wisconsin cause John Elway beat them in that one awesome Superbowl.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:48 pm224Der Dude

Hey, where the hell are God and Lucifer today?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:49 pm225Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I have a vagina so, alas, I am not qualified.
I should have stolen Lucifer’s boxed cock, shoved it down my pants and then applied for the position.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:49 pm226Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hate Brett Favre.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:49 pm227Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Well, I don’t hate him but I do think he’s a pussy girlie man.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:50 pm228Curtis

He would have missed it in seconds. I’ve heard rumors.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:52 pm229Nun Ur Damned Bizness

He wouldn’t have but Saddam would have. HAHAHA… ahhh… I crack myself up.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:17 pm230uppity cracka

so, are we even close? not seattle, denver, wisconsin, ohio, san diego, kansas city, oakland, new orleans, not the east coast, not canada…isn’t that pretty much the whole world?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:19 pm231Curtis

I’m guessing Arizona.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:21 pm232Benana

bumfuck Florida.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:29 pm233uppity cracka

why would someone from arizona hate john elway?
florida is east, i thought we ruled that out.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:46 pm234Yo Yo Ma Ma

Let’s see…Nun admits to drinking, and lots of sex.

Nun, are you Irish?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:47 pm235Yo Yo Ma Ma

Maybe Nun is pissed because Elway refused to play for Baltimore?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:50 pm236uppity cracka

baltimore, atlanta, los angeles.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:50 pm237uppity cracka

this game is becoming less fun.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:53 pm238Yo Yo Ma Ma

Agreement. Let’s find some other toys.

I live in central Maine, just got a tornado watch warning from the National Weather Service. That’s unusual!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 5:58 pm239uppity cracka

careful. God has awesome tornado powers. stay away from boy scouts at all costs!! if you find yourself in a building with boy scouts, murder them all immediately…or their smiting could become your smiting.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:30 pm240Der Dude

Again I ask, where are God and Lucifer?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:32 pm241uppity cracka

they must be having some sort of intense spiritual battle today…like a halo 2 tournament.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:38 pm242Lucifer

The Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell was away today, catching the opening session of The Dark Knight. I had, of course, seen the shooting of the film, because I had to supervise the work of one of the actors who had sold his soul to me in exchange for some inspiration — not naming names, but it starts with an H and it ends with an Eath Ledger — but this was the first theatre screening. You see, I’m a man of wealth and taste, therefore I chose Europe as my abode.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:45 pm243Yo Yo Ma Ma

What’s puzzling me is the nature of your game, oh yeah.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:47 pm244Yo Yo Ma Ma

I have stabbed a couple Boy Scouts, can’t remember what happened to the Girl Scouts who tried to sell me ‘cookies’ that are actually brain control devices.

The Paper Clip Wizard told me.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:48 pm245uppity cracka

so, you’re pretty close to omnipresent, lucifer, can you tell us where nun lives?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:58 pm246Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Yo,

Yes, I am Irish and very proud.

I hate Elway, Bettis and I hope Roethlisberger’s penis falls off. Major clues, boys.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:01 pm247Lucifer

Nun lives upstairs from the Takara Massage Parlor in Bangkok’s Patpong District.

That’s so easy it hardly takes omniscience to figure out…
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:02 pm248Yo Yo Ma Ma

Sorry Nun, we’ve lost interest. It’s the Internet, it’s reduced our attention spa- Ooooh! Butterflies!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:04 pm249Nun Ur Damned Bizness

GOD DAMN YOU, LUCIFER!!!!!!!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:05 pm250Lucifer

He did!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:08 pm251Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Do you have any idea how many people are going to be bothering me now that they know where I live and what I do for a living? I had just gotten them to believe that I was in the States. You’re a fucking asshole and I hope somebody steals your boxed cock!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:09 pm252Nun Ur Damned Bizness

P.S. I love you, Satan.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:25 pm253Lucifer

Don’t worry, by the time they arrive in your neighbourhood, they’ll be distracted by the smell of teenage ho pussy and kathoey crotch.

P.S. You love anything with a big enough cock.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:31 pm254uppity cracka

well, seattle…the superbowl, old division rivals with the broncos. i said that one already. not in ohio. we said baltimore.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:33 pm255uppity cracka

i’m devastatingly handsome with an above average penis, but nun doesn’t remember me because i’m not freakishly oversized?!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:36 pm256Lucifer

Hey, you either have it or you don’t…
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:37 pm257uppity cracka

damnit, lucifer! what’s the price for IT these days?!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:38 pm258uppity cracka

wait, nevermind, i see it’s on sale for $28.95 at sexworld.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:38 pm259Der Dude

Oh, yeah I almost forgot. Nun, what is “chiba?”
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:38 pm260Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Lucifer,

You know me better than anybody. Kisses.

cracka,

I never replied when you guessed Seattle. In fact, you never actually guessed Seattle. You just pondered who used to be in the AFC West.

And I don’t remember you because I was unconcscious. Duh.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:42 pm261Lucifer

As God recently found out, 35 million dollars aren’t enough to buy you top-quality IT. But if you put your soul on the table, I might be able to set you up with something.

Keep in mind you’re no James Brown, though.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:43 pm262Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dude,

Chiba is a slang term for the sweet, sweet marijuana plant that I love so dearly. I thanked God for gifting us with such a marvelous creation and He blessed me with the sweetest and tastiest weed for the rest of my days. God hooked me up!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:46 pm263uppity cracka

oh, yeah, you were totally unconcious. whew! for a second there i thought i lost it. whatever it is.

post 206:
“crap. before reallignment, what was the other team in the afc west?
seattle?”
see that last word there? i think it’s s-e-a-t-t-l-e, seattle.

so, we’re new england, seattle, minneapolis, california, and hell. a few very progressive places, no wonder we all agree all the time. i wonder which backasswards bible belt shithole bridgette lives in?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:48 pm264uppity cracka

now, lucifer, i might not be james brown…but i can rock a mic enough to get a bar full of drunks happy. so, what do you need? my soul for 1,000 years for a slight upgrade in IT sound about right?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:49 pm265Nun Ur Damned Bizness

You did lose it, cracka. Seriously, if the only action you get is from unconscious girls then I think you should continue to beg Lucifer for assistance.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:50 pm266Der Dude

Man Cracka, there is no shortage of “backasswards bible belt shithole”(s) in this country. It just gives me the willies.

Maybe God & lucifer had a 3 way with Bridgette?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:51 pm267Lucifer

Considering the odds of your soul ending up here anyway, I’d be prepared to offer you no more than three reasonable excuses for you to use at a time when your “it” doesn’t work at all.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:53 pm268uppity cracka

well, in this pretend blog world, i am waaay to high strung to get any from an awake girl.
hook me up, lucifer!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:55 pm269Der Dude

Thanks, Nun. Now I am hip.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:55 pm270Nun Ur Damned Bizness

In this virtual blog world I’m a fucking whore! So you couldn’t buy me a drink and try to seduce me!?! You had to wait for me to pass out. Jesus, cracka! I’m a fucking whore!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:56 pm271Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No probs, Dude. Wanna go out ‘drinking’??
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:56 pm272Lucifer

“It never happened before, I swear on my immortal soul!”

“It’s all that stress at work!”

“My mother called before!”

There you go. Your soul is mine.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:58 pm273Nun Ur Damned Bizness

How about this one, Satan…

“That wasn’t there the last time I looked.”
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:01 pm274uppity cracka

crap. i don’t think that’s much of a deal.

nun—yeah, i guess i could have done it without the date rape drugs. my bad. well, if it’s any consolation, lucifer will be having me demon-raped right back for pretty much ever.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:02 pm275Der Dude

Nun, Sure! Who in their right mind wouldn’t?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:04 pm276Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka,

If it’s any consolation, I’m going to be the one doing the raping. I like to strap it on, baby.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:05 pm277Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dude,

Sounds great! We’ll smoke the sweet chiba, get freaky and laugh at cracka’s impending doom.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:07 pm278uppity cracka

oh, well that’s better than a legion of 12 ft tall demons. who knows? maybe i’ll learn to like it after a few millennia!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:11 pm279Der Dude

Nun, Sounds great, but I’m such a bleeding heart that I can’t laugh at hardly anyone’s doom (except our current Prez and his staff and numerous bankers).
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:11 pm280uppity cracka

i’m gonna go get drunk now. i hope God makes the funnies tomorrow, entertaining ourselves is hard.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:13 pm281Der Dude

Have a good session, Cracka!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:23 pm282Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Dude,

I’m going to be fucking cracka up the arse with a strap-on. You can’t laugh at that?? I sure can!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:31 pm283Der Dude

Nun,

Yeah, I guess I can!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:34 pm284Der Dude

See? 8:00pm god time (1:00 PDT) & everyone is gone!

Except me & Nun. Eat your hearts out!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:38 pm285Yo Yo Ma Ma

(4:30 EDT) Time to go home. Pigs fed, trays returned to upright position, objectives met.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:41 pm286Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Oh… just me and Dude. I’m suddenly very turned on.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:46 pm287Der Dude

Is that Chiba I smell?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:02 pm288Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Always. That’s all I really do. I’m a lazy pot-head.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:11 pm289Der Dude

Good for you! I’m just lazy.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:19 pm290Josh

I’m here, but no one cares.

Buzzkill
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:21 pm291Nun Ur Damned Bizness

No, we don’t. Sorry, Josh but when you’re here we can all expect to be told we’re not funny or we’re stealing jokes or maybe we just happened to be funny in one of our posts. I know I don’t really look forward to any of that.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:21 pm292Josh

my bad. Let’s talk about rape.

Buzzkill
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:23 pm293Josh

for the record I only said that one thing was unfunny because it was a pilferred joke. Other than that I just gave compliments, which as it turns out is wrong.

whatevs.

Josh
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:24 pm294Der Dude

Josh,
Have you ever read “V”? There’s a really nasty rape scene in that one.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:25 pm295Josh

V as in the alien reptiles? or the graphic novel?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:26 pm296Der Dude

No, V as in Mr. Pynchon
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:31 pm297Josh

no sir I have not read it.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:34 pm298Der Dude

it’s a great read. I recommend it to anyone. he likes to ask the question, Is it chaos or conspiracy?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:55 pm299Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Then perhaps I’m confusing you with somebody else, Josh but aren’t you the one who was telling Uppity cracka he wasn’t funny and then when you thought he was funny, you told him he was getting better or something along those lines?
on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:57 pm300God

HOLY SHIT! 300 COMMENTS! DAMN YOU PEOPLE! STOP DEFILING MY BLOG WITH YOUR NONSENSICAL PRATTER!!!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 10:01 pm301Nun Ur Damned Bizness

We loveth Thou, God.
on 24 Jul 2008 at 10:03 pm302Der Dude

Hi God,

Where you been all day? We missed you!
on 24 Jul 2008 at 11:24 pm303yawn

*sigh*
Well it seems that it’s just the same 5 people commenting all day, day after day. The blog itself is great, and some comments are fucking hilarious. But lately? CHRIST - It’s like a commenting social club for douche-hats, and absolutely none of it is amusing! You people need a life….seriously.
on 25 Jul 2008 at 12:58 am304Curtis

Shut up, Yawn.

(somebody had to say it)
on 25 Jul 2008 at 1:17 am305God

Dude,

I had a very busy day of work today smiting pedophiles and ignoring idiotic prayers and on and on and on and shit!! I don’t want to think about it.

All I can say is thank fucking Me it’s Thursday. Another 3 days of rest again at last. WHEEEEEEE!
on 25 Jul 2008 at 1:53 am306HOLY SPIRIT

I am part of you so you can’t fire me.
on 25 Jul 2008 at 4:04 am307Josh

nun,
I was joking with uppity, as he is very funny (usually). i guess everything in the posts must be true. in that case I’m calling the cops because you killed some midgets with your pussy.

whatevs

josh
on 25 Jul 2008 at 12:21 pm308uppity cracka

yawn,
if you don’t like the comments, why did you bother to read 300 of them?

shut up, cooper.
on 25 Jul 2008 at 3:30 pm309yawn

curtis - ur gay

uppity - you’ve been one the most humorous providers of comments on this blog. But, after reading only a few of the others and noticing a pattern - I decided to scroll down, and sadly I confirmed the redundancy aformentioned. There’s no way in hell I would read all 300, and perhaps I should’ve kept my comments to myself, but then again - why the fuck not? nobody else does here.

p.s. - I ain’t cooper, guess again sherlock.
on 25 Jul 2008 at 3:50 pm310Benana

yawn you yourself say that some of the comments are fucking hilarious, doesn’t that make it worth it??

and if you don’t like the comments then contribute and make them better. or shut the fuck up.
on 25 Jul 2008 at 8:14 pm311uppity cracka

benana’s got a point, “the blog is hilarious and some of the comments are hilarious…but stop posting comments.”–? and a lot of it has grown into an inside joke, which doesn’t always seem funny to the outsider.

but, i must agree with you…cooper clearly is homosexual, and that, in itself, makes him vastly inferior to the rest of us.
on 25 Jul 2008 at 8:42 pm312yawn

meh…..
on 26 Jul 2008 at 3:38 am313Dean

Oh yeah. I’d forgotten about the omnipresence thing. I’ve roasted three lambs in my backyard, Lord, and I hope you forgive me for the lapse.
on 31 May 2011 at 1:13 am314name

I feel stupid even to write at such a place like this, but I think I should. What are you guys? Freak? Like, wtf, are you guys even wrting in here? You guys are all losers doing nothing but hating everything. Do something useful instead of spending time here doing such a useless job.