Stuff God Hates

#37 NASA

Jul 31st, 2008 by God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

This week marks the 50^th anniversary of NASA, and so I, THE LORD, have decided to talk about My 50-years-old grudge against NASA, or as I like to call it, The National Atheism and Science Administration.

I hate NASA! It is a snakepit of incestuous heathens who wouldn’t know Me if I crawled down their throats and burst out their bellies in a flash of blood and guts.

As I have discussed before, I have a deep and abiding hate for science, and NASA is nothing but a group of science twitpigs who take pride only in knowing and making more damned science.

What are they trying to prove? Why do humans need to explore outer space? Have I not provided you with all that you need and more on planet Earth?!

The only reasons I can surmise is that you villainous worms are either trying to find My Heavenly Lair (which you will never find in outer space), or you are trying to find all the other intelligent life I have created.

I cannot and I will not allow this to happen. If My human followers were to suddenly find out that I’ve created thousands of other worlds and been cheating on them with several different and very attractive other humanoid species, the consequences to My Image would be catastrophic. Humans would never trust Me again.

And so I have thwarted NASA’s efforts and smote them repeatedly over the last 50 years. Every mechanical failure and difficulty NASA has had was due to My Divine Sabotage. In fact, in 50 years they never had one spaceship launch that wasn’t delayed at least 10 times thanks to Me. Unfortunately, most of the time they would find and fix everything I did and their stupid space flight would go fine.

Of course, this just made Me want to blow up those shuttles even more. And I’m proud to report…I did! You may not have heard about it, as it was boring NASA news, but on two occasions I completely obliterated NASA space shuttles out of the sky. It’s true!

My proudest smiting was that one shuttle I blew up in the 80’s…what was it called again? You know, the one with that dumb woman teacher they blamed the crash on. CHALLENGER! That’s it. I remember now, because it was like they were taunting Me, just challenging Me to destroy it. Man that was sweet.

Naturally, these smitings had the exact effect I had planned. Humans continued to lose their faith in those cross-dressing science-loving drunkards until they grounded the shuttle program forever. And so, after a mere 50 years of battle, today I declare Myself the Victor. Suck it NASA!

Tags: God, Jerks, NASA, Nerds

Posted in Science

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144 Responses to “#37 NASA”

on 31 Jul 2008 at 10:12 am1Lucifer

Yeah… Right… About that whole “they would find and fix everything I did and their stupid space flight would go fine” thing… That was my bad.

Good thing I also have a finger on the European Space Agency, the China National Space Administration, the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, and the Russian Federal Space Agency.

FACE!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 10:26 am2Karin

That was neither you nor god. Weren’t the teacher’s last words “what’s that little red button for?”
on 31 Jul 2008 at 10:31 am3Tony Snow

God,

I hope the Martians appreciate your concern for their privacy… that idiot George Bush still wants to go there!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 11:20 am4A Pharisee

God,

Was the lunar landing fake?
Is there a real planet Kypton?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 12:15 pm5creativecat

Did you hate the Russian space program too? Or is it only a problem for Americans to be in space?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 12:31 pm6The Weasel

You’re just jealous because they get better pudding than you.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 12:34 pm7The Weasel

You and ALf both juicing?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 1:31 pm8God

Karin - no, I SAID IT WAS ME!! The teacher cunt was too paralyzed with fear.

Pharisee - Of course the lunar landing was fake. You actually think human flew all the way to the moon and back in a ship made of tinfoil?!

And no, there is no real planet Krypton. You idiot. You’ve never been able to tell the difference between what is real and what is fake.

Creativecat - yes, I hate all attempts by humans to enter outer space. Space is the buffer zone I put to keep My different society experiments properly separated.

oh and shut up Satanus. You’re still not getting back into Heaven.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 1:38 pm9uppity cracka

weasel,
per your advice i have had a salad shooter installed in my esophagus. i have been swallowing cucumbers whole and really working, i mean WORKING, on my ability to ejaculate cucumber slices. hopefully, my results can help us all overcome this mysterious resistance women have to bathing in our spare fluid drippings. i’ll let you know.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 1:49 pm10Ben

God - I agree. NASA is a waste of money and purely for making nerds feel special.

weasel - why does alf and God have to be on steroids? you’re just jealous of their rippling pecs.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 1:54 pm11Ben

uppity,

No comment on God’s post? Just gonna talk to weasel about skeet shooting huh. That’s pretty disrespectful, God’s prolly gonna smites you for that.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:01 pm12uppity cracka

doubt it. God knows my positions pretty well, seeing as how He’s omniscient. my positions? i agree with whatever God says. it’s like being a republican…only a little holier. plus i properly capitalize His Name every single time.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:03 pm13uppity cracka

oh, shit, it’s slipped my mind:

shut up, ben.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:05 pm14God

yeah, shut up Ben.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:09 pm15uppity cracka

FACE, MOTHERFUCKER!!
FAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:11 pm16Ben

oh….owww…..why God? WHYYY???

ok. I’ll shut up now.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:35 pm17Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Damn! God FACED Ben. Poor Ben.

I always knew it was a mistake to name it Challenger. I used to work for NASA and I told them. I said “guys, God isn’t gonna like this. He’s gonna think we’re taunting Him and He’s going to smite us good”. They didn’t listen and you all see what happened. That’s when I quit NASA and went to work with Jerry Falwell. What a great guy he was.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:40 pm18Ben

wow! you worked for NASA? and for Jerry Falwell? and you screwed them all? wow.

you should write a book of your fuck journey through American history Nun.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 2:42 pm19Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Good idea, Ben. I think I’ll also rate the cocks that I’ve fucked. I’ll call it “All the Cocks I’ve Fucked Before”. What do you think? Did you know that Abe Lincoln was hung like a horse? Amazing lover that Abe Lincoln was. I miss him.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 3:57 pm20God

YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARDS. I HATE YOU ALL.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:02 pm21Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God said: YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARDS. I HATE YOU ALL.

With the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, God?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:05 pm22God

MORE!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:07 pm23uppity cracka

great, someone had to go tell God he’s getting soft and now we’re all doomed.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:08 pm24God

MY HATRED THERAPY IS NOT HELPING. I HATE YOU ALL A BILLION TIMES MORE THAN WHEN I BEGAN.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:20 pm25uppity cracka

i’m thinking it’s the sobriety, God. go back to substance abuse…takes the edge off.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:20 pm26uppity cracka

i’m thinking it’s the sobriety, God. go back to substance abuse…takes the edge off.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:25 pm27Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I agree with cracka, God. Sobriety is over-rated anyway.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:26 pm28Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Oh and God, I love You with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Maybe even a million or billion suns.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:28 pm29Lucifer

This is all Nun’s fault.
Good work, Nun!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:34 pm30Nun Ur Damned Bizness

It’s because I have a vajayjay, isn’t it?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:59 pm31Lucifer

Don’t remind Him!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:01 pm32Curtis

Should we take up a collection and buy God some blow or something?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:03 pm33Curtis

Should we take up a collection and buy God some blow or something?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:08 pm34Lucifer

That wouldn’t work. We should sacrifice a Curtis instead.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:11 pm35Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I think we should sacrifice Cooper. Curtis, Ben and Josh are good for something… not quite sure what yet but there’s got to be something. Cooper is good sacrifice material and it’s not like anybody would miss him.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:17 pm36Curtis

Geez, Lucifer — that’s hard core, but then again, I suppose that’s how you roll. Thanks for your vote of confidence, Nun. I’ll try to think up something I’m good for. It’s a challenge, but I’ll try.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:18 pm37Bridgette

I think you should quit writing this blasphemy “god.” The world doesn’t need more hate.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:22 pm38Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I pity you, Bridgette. You’re too stupid to understand anything.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:30 pm39A Pharisee

Maybe God should take a vacation and let Zeus rule for a while.
No, not Jesus. Please.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:39 pm40Curtis

I think you should stop READING this blasphemy, Bridgette. There’s a rule concerning the internets: If you are offended by something, then do yourself a favor and move on.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:41 pm41uppity cracka

yay! bridgette said something stupid again! i miss that. she’s right, though. this joke is just killing the world. it dies a little more everyday that God gets closer to the edge. albeit an imaginary edge…like the bible or the constitution.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:42 pm42uppity cracka

shut up, cur—wait, he’s right.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:53 pm43Ben

Bridgette…seriously what the fuck….what the fuck do you care if we have fun here in our tiny little corner of the internet? here we exorcise the demons that have been put into us our whole lives by dumbasses like you.

even for a bible-thumper you are pathetic. goddamn! get a fucking life bitch!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:56 pm44Lucifer

OK, let’s keep Curtis.

But you know what I’m thinking now? Cracka. God likes him, so if we sacrifice Cracka, it would really mean something, wouldn’t it?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 5:57 pm45Lucifer

Shut up, Ben.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:00 pm46Josh

I think this blog is in Bridgy’s favorites.

And Nun thanks for saying I’m good for something! I’ll figure out what as soon as I get my GED.

Josh
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:04 pm47uppity cracka

lucifer’s “offers” are never what they seem people. besides, if you sacrifice me who will tell ben to shut up?
wait…damnit!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:06 pm48Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

No problem, cutie.

One of you is good for wronging me and never being forgiven. Unfortunately, I don’t have any idea which one of you that was. Another one of you is good for telling us when we’re not funny but again, I have no idea which one of you that was. Maybe God’s sweet, sweet chiba is fucking with my memory retention.

I think the lesson to be learned here is you guys need to be much more consistent at doing those things you’re good at… no matter how much the rest of us tell you to shut up.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:07 pm49Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Shut up, cracka.

Hmmm… so easy. I think I can take the shut-up-reins, cracka. You are free to be sacrificed.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:09 pm50uppity cracka

it’s not as good coming from the woman who is endlessy cornholing me with a strap-on…or do i mean way better? my point is that i live in a gated community with high power lawyers and you can’t get to me. why do you think thrill killings are always homeless guys?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:10 pm51Tony Snow

Josh and Nun,

Get a Room!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:14 pm52Ben

hey Tony, what the hell ya got on your eyes there?

and Nun, that Alf is pretty stacked. Would you fuck him? I heard he loves to eat pussies.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:18 pm53Josh

Nun,
I tell people when they are funny. Then I am sarcastic when they are working below their God given talent. I just don’t want God to smite them for shitting on the gifts He gave them, and did not give me
Tony Snow,
I tried! But Nun wants none of this.

Josh
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:18 pm54Tony Snow

Ben,

Those are Wavatar eyes. I’m trying for more of a post-death look.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:22 pm55Ben

ah I see. you are dead after all. Tony Snow, then Tim Russert. News people are dropping like flies these days - God must hate them.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:37 pm56Tony Snow

Ben,

Not always hating as such. After all, I’m here enjoying the marvelous rooms and puppies in spite of my wretched performance at the whitey house. I’m hoping to meet Tim soon!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:41 pm57uppity cracka

hmmm…i wonder if russert got the cuddly puppies or the hounds of hell?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:50 pm58Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cracka,

You mean ‘way better’, if you want me to continue using lube anyway.

Ben,

Alf is not stacked. God has photoshopped his head on to Robin Williams’ body so no, I would not fuck him. I won’t fuck Robin Williams either.

Josh,

Thank you for reminding me. Please do not be offended when I promptly forget again.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:53 pm59Curtis

So is it safe? I’m not going to be sacrificed after all? That’s good ’cause being sacrificed would really HURT!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:55 pm60Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Curtis,

You are safe. If anybody wants to sacrifice you then they will have to go through me. Unless I’m getting stoned, then you’re on your own.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 6:57 pm61uppity cracka

robin williams! ha!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:02 pm62uppity cracka

why don’t we just fucking sacrifice bridgette? she annoys the piss out of us, God loves her…it’s a win-win.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:15 pm63Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Because that will piss God off, cracka. God is already angry enough, note the ALL CAPS in his previous posts. I’m surprised there haven’t been any tsunamis, earthquakes or volcanic eruptions yet. I hope God’s smoking a spliff and downing a gallon of whiskey to help His anger management a bit.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:16 pm64uppity cracka

whiskey-anger management? this weed is messing with your logic now…
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:22 pm65Nun Ur Damned Bizness

fluck you!1! i not as think as you high i am

ashhole!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:31 pm66uppity cracka

well, he might be mad at first. but, after a few days with his precious dead bridgette…he’ll be happy as shit.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:52 pm67Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I wonder if God would fuck her.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:58 pm68Ben

he totally would. he would probably donkey-punch her though.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 7:59 pm69Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ll bet God donkey-punches all the bitches He fucks.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:09 pm70God

LMFAO. holy shit….
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:10 pm71Tony Snow

Lucifer,

You’re looking a little vague. Gravatar woes?
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:11 pm72uppity cracka

see, a little crude humor involve some sphincter slapping and God cheers right up!!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:12 pm73Tony Snow

Lucifer,

That was quick.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:25 pm74Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God,

Please allow me to make a suggestion for an alternative to LMFAO.

For You God, it should be one of the following:
LMFGAO - Laughing My Fucking Godly Ass Off
or
LMFDAO - Laughing My Fucking Divine Ass Off
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:27 pm75uppity cracka

LMTNSYBYKOFAO-
Laughing My Temporarily Not Smiting You Because You’re Kind Of Funny Ass Off
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:27 pm76Josh

Nun,
Do you think God does a dirty sanchez? that really shows them who’s boss!

Josh
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:33 pm77Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

I think every perverted action known to man was previously done by God. Dirty sanchez, chili-dog, hot carl, etc were all invented by God and passed on to us mere humans.

That God sure is freaky-deaky.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:34 pm78Josh

But then why does God hate anal so? I mean I get his argument that he did not invent pee pees to go in a holes, but come on.

Josh
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:39 pm79Nun Ur Damned Bizness

God is not required to abide by the rules He set down for us. He may hate anal but that does not mean He cannot engage in anal if it’s what He so chooses. And frankly, some of these whores He’s been banging are cavern cunts. The only way He can feel anything is if He fucks their ass and donkey-punches them. I don’t blame Him really.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:41 pm80God

Thanks for that Nun, I feel much better now. I do in fact donkey-punch a lot of My bitches, but only the ones I like.

So anyway, I smoked a spliff the size of Puerto Rico and just zoned out playing some Grand Theft Auto, and I feel a lot better now.

But I was reading through your comments, and I saw this from Bridgette:

“I think you should quit writing this blasphemy “god.” The world doesn’t need more hate.”

FUCK YOU BRIDGETTE! I’M DONE DEFENDING YOU BITCH!

How DARE YOU suggest I stop writing My Blog?!

I SMITE YOU!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY9KQMvMhBk
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:45 pm81uppity cracka

THIS IS THE SINGLE GREATEST MOMENT…LIKE….LIKE FUCKING EVER!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 8:48 pm82Nun Ur Damned Bizness

LOL… I don’t know about You, God but I always find it exceedingly amusing when chubbasaurusses get hurt.

HA!! I’ll bet you’re not so fattractive now, are ya fattie? HA!!!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:03 pm83Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hey,

Does anybody here actually think God is the same guy who writes Stuff White People Like? They say the style is the same but I don’t buy it. God has a much better sense of humor. Honestly, I don’t think Stuff White People Like is all that funny.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:28 pm84Ben

YES!!! YES YES YES YES YES! THANK YOU GOD!!!
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:31 pm85Josh

Nun,
Stuff is not funny like God is funny. Stuff is funny like “Oh man I do do that, man I am a racist and think I’m hot shit but don’t want to publicly admit that” way. God is just open and honest with His hate and superiority.

Josh
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:31 pm86Josh

Hey God,
Is this also your work on Bridgy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHY9F5mkmEo

Josh
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:39 pm87Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Josh,

That was my thinking too. Except I’m like the angry Mexican who says it’s more like stuff whiteys don’t get. I don’t think it’s funny because that shit is all true. People really do that shit and most of the time it’s not amusing, it’s just exasperating and embarrassing to the rest of us honkeys.

There have been articles where they guess that the author of this blog is Christian Lander, the guy who writes Stuff White People Like. They say there are similarities in the writing. I disagree. I find God to have a completely different sense of humor than Christian Lander but I was wondering if I was alone in that thinking.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:40 pm88The Weasel

God doesn’t write “Stuff White People Like.” I’ve seen that SWPL guy in interviews- there’s no way it’s the same guy. I don’t think SWPL is that funny either- but he’s laughing as he stands in line at the bank, I know that much. $300,000 will do that. Where’s God’s contract? At least God sees the humor in people falling into holes. (Kind of happened to me with a hooker last night.) SGH much better.

People on SWPL blow anyway. Snotty people arguing about reverse racism blah blah blah shut the fuck up with your granola bar and sassafrass tea. God would have no tolerance for such drivel. When I posted a link on SWPL, those people over there deluged me with hate mail. Go figure.

Yo cracka, eat cucumber seeds and a glass of topsoil. We’ll see what happens.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:43 pm89Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Kill them, Weasel!! Seriously. I’ll help if you’d like.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:51 pm90The Weasel

Yes. We shall.
on 31 Jul 2008 at 9:57 pm91Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Cool. Just a helpful suggestion, Weasel. You should be naked so you don’t get any blood on your clothes. That’s my only reason for giving you that suggestion, Weasel. Honest.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 5:03 am92Bloodvork

SWPL was funny for like, the first 15 minutes. Then I realized I only knew about six white people, and they were all stuffy scientists in lab coats, mixing together vampire and aardvark DNA to make us.

They really didn’t bring to light many of those stereotypes and the jokes were lost on myself and my bloodvark brethren. I am certain God is not the same person and I don’t see any similarity in the writing styles.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 7:56 am93Lucifer

God was feeling better about Himself and shit, and then you go and question His identify? You fucking idiots. The author of this blog is THE ALMIGHTY* GOD.

*or so He says. To you little people, He might as well be.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 10:02 am94Tom

God, I don’t understand…. seeing as you’re omnipotent, how did you fail to stop the majority of NASA’s missions?

And on an unrelated topic, do you have a belly button? If so, why? If not, why do we have them?
on 01 Aug 2008 at 1:22 pm95uppity cracka

tom, this is why God needs so much therapy…questions like this. seeing as how you’re NOT omnipotent, how can YOU possibly ask GOD to explain Himself? now, we’re all gonna get smited. great.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 1:34 pm96Beelzebubba

I have been busy figuring out how to assault God’s secret lair of Smiting, For unlike these stupid sciencers I know that your hideout on this planet is actually in the center of the Earth. So toady while taking a break from digging my hole, I take extra time to not only read God’s word (for clues), but also the comments to discover that GOD HATES BRIDGETTE NOW!!!!!11!!!!1one!!1!1

so…

Dear Bridgette, now that your god has forsaken you, you can come help me dig a hole to his lair, losing that chub roll in the process and providing me with oral services for digging inspiration, and once we infiltrate Gods Sanctimonious Sanctuary WE WILL BEFOULD AND DEFILE THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLACE.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 2:15 pm97Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Do not fear Lucifer. God knows my heart and He knows my true intention. I was worried that God was impersonating this White Stuff guy and trying to remain incognito by acting like a noob. If that was indeed the case then I would think God would be in great need of some Divine intervention. Fortunately, it seems to be just as expected and that particular noob is just one of the ones on the ‘To Be Smited’ list.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 2:28 pm98uppity cracka

this whole thing is misguided today. perhaps an affirmation will help us out?

1) i believe that Almighty God is the one true Blogger
2) i will not tunnel to His hideout and piss Him off
3) bridgette is fat, stupid, and pretty much a cunt
4) joel osteen deserves all the money he can get

say these everyday until you die.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 2:48 pm99Ben

mad respect to what he said.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 2:55 pm100uppity cracka

shut up, ben. just shut.
the fuck.
UP.

a black just called me “brother”
yeah, true story.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 2:56 pm101Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I hope God video-tapes his donkey-punching of Bridgette and posts it on YouTube.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:25 pm102uppity cracka

didn’t you hear me?!! a BLACK MAN called ME brother?!!!!!!!
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:29 pm103Nun Ur Damned Bizness

you’re gonna have to change your name then
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:32 pm104uppity cracka

but, i like this name. you’re called nun, but we all know you’re a skanky trailer slut. i feel an identity crisis coming on.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:50 pm105Nun Ur Damned Bizness

are you a black man, cracka?
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:54 pm106Curtis

Black men call me “brother” all the time. I’m just that down with it.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:55 pm107Nun Ur Damned Bizness

And that’s why you should never be sacrificed, Curtis.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:56 pm108uppity cracka

well, no. no, i am not black. i’m a cracker!! curtis must be one of them so called “wiggers”.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:00 pm109Curtis

No, I’m so white, I’m practically albino. However, as a friend of Dorothy, so my dancing skills are incredible.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:01 pm110Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Homies be callin’ you bro and you say Curtis is the wigger. Shame, shame, shame cracka.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:01 pm111Curtis

Thanks for not letting me get sacrificed, Nun. I owe you one!
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:05 pm112Nun Ur Damned Bizness

That’s two you owe me, junior.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:05 pm113uppity cracka

that’s it. i declare a race war!
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:16 pm114Ben

I used to have a lot of real yo-yo hip hop black friends in high school. yeah, i was down with the set. one time, i made a black friend laugh so hard, he said “that’s it! you black ben! you black!”

So I still consider myself an honorary black today, even if I no longer have a single black friend.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:16 pm115Ben

word to your mother.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:21 pm116Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ve been told by my black friends that I beat my son like a black mama would.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:22 pm117Curtis

I don’t know, Cracka. You might get God pissed. You know that song, “red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight”
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:23 pm118Curtis

Wow, Nun - that’s harsh! Way to go!
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:24 pm119uppity cracka

everyone knows some bleeding heart christian fool wrote that song and that God hates most people. come on!

shut up, somebody.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:25 pm120Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I also withhold my love from him because he’s a loser. I keep telling him ‘win a game son and momma will love you again’ but he just cries. What a pussy.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:33 pm121Curtis

Come to think about it, that song says “Jesus loves the little children”, so you’re right, Cracka. My bad.

NUN!! we really are soul mates!
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:34 pm122Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I thought our Avatars were already the evidence of that, Curtis?
on 01 Aug 2008 at 4:36 pm123Curtis

Indeed! I’m going to start calling you my soul sister.

Alright. Off to a meeting. Dear God, please smite my boss. He’s a real asshole chubby looser and deserves it so bad. Stupid boss.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 6:24 pm124uppity cracka

i think curtis would enjoy your strap-on more than i do, nun. maybe we can work out a deal behind lucifer’s back?
on 01 Aug 2008 at 8:43 pm125Lucifer

I’m really not all that keen about having deals worked out behind my back, bro.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 9:51 pm126Nun Ur Damned Bizness

I’ll fuck ‘em all with a strap-on, Satan. I don’t care.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 11:29 pm127Curtis

Nun, bring it.
on 01 Aug 2008 at 11:37 pm128dongo

I, Dongo, the African god of outer space, highly support NASA and i constantly supply it with money
on 01 Aug 2008 at 11:43 pm129dongo

oh yeah, and NASA found frozen mud on Mars so suck it!!!!!!
on 02 Aug 2008 at 12:02 am130dongo

and with My Divine Funding they will find these:
http://www.waroftheworlds.com/downloads/desktops/tripodart/wp_t1_800×600.jpg
on 02 Aug 2008 at 12:08 am131Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Oooooohhhhh… Curtis is kinky.
on 02 Aug 2008 at 3:43 am132Curtis

Kinky, yes, but in a nice way.

How’s about a three way with you, me, and Cracka?

But not Ben. I don’t fancy him at all.
on 02 Aug 2008 at 3:44 am133Curtis

Ben is too square.
on 02 Aug 2008 at 6:53 am134Ben

That’s cool Curtis, the feeling is mutual. Besides, I don’t go in for all that conrhole buggering and all that other hoopla. just missionary for me thanks.
on 02 Aug 2008 at 5:18 pm135Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Just missionary? Ben, if you wonder why no woman ever calls you back for seconds, that might be why. That’s boring, Ben.
on 02 Aug 2008 at 6:43 pm136Ben

yes, well that’s one of the major benefits. No having to bother with getting to know them or listen to them bitch.

i’m like a marine search and rescue team. just get in, get it done, and pull out.
on 03 Aug 2008 at 2:14 am137Nun Ur Damned Bizness

Hmm… point understood, Ben. You might just be a genius.
on 03 Aug 2008 at 10:16 am138Lucifer

Damn, Ben. Just… Damn…
on 03 Aug 2008 at 1:59 pm139Der Dude

Hi Lucifer,

I was on vacation last week and I visited a tiny location called “Devil’s Punchbowl.” That’s the second one I’ve seen just in this state! How many damn punchbowls do you own?

Thanks.
on 03 Aug 2008 at 4:08 pm140Lucifer

ALL OF THEM!

But most don’t really pack enough punch for my purposes. Yet.
on 03 Aug 2008 at 5:28 pm141Der Dude

Lucifer,

Good point! Both of the punchbowls I’ve visited are in seismically active areas. Ya gonna let loose with some earthquake action?

If you do, don’t forget to give me a heads up.

Thanks.
on 05 Aug 2008 at 2:23 pm142JW

God, I know this is severely off-topic in terms of the direction of Your Comment Thread, and I beg Your Forgiveness.

On the 50th anniversary of NASA’s founding, John McCain issued a press release in which he promised to continue funding NASA programs, or something to that extent. With the knowledge of Your Hatred of NASA, I respectfully inquire as to your opinion of this Republican (and supposedly True Christian (TM)) candidate, as well as advice as to which one of the candidates we should vote for.

Thanks!
on 06 Aug 2008 at 3:05 am143God

JW,

I do not approve of McCain, for MANY reasons. I also do not approve of Obama, for MANY reasons.

As I have said before, I do not approve of Democracy at all!
That is why, if you are so vain and stupid you feel you must vote this year, I COMMAND YOU TO VOTE FOR ME!!!
on 19 Aug 2008 at 2:58 pm144ScubaDo

You gwine to give us dat $1000 rebate and punish all dem rich honkies? If not, my vote goes to Obambie!