Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Of the many powerful beings roaming throughout My Cosmos, there is one that has provoked My Righteous Anger on countless occasions. I am speaking, of course, about Galactus, the ‘Devourer of Worlds.’
Man, I hate that guy. He keeps eating all the planets I create! All he does is float about the universe and find planets I’ve made that can sustain life and then eat them! What a complete jerk.
For example, a little while back I was working on a life-sustaining planet I had tentatively titled ‘Archeopia.’ Determined not to make the vast number of mistakes I made with Earth, I’d spent a full three months working on this particular planet. I had just finished up the final touches on Archeopia, when I decided to take a half-hour break to go quick check how My Jews were doing. But when I came back, guess what? The planet was gone; Galactus had already come and eaten it. You know, I’d worked really hard on that planet. And like always, that jerk Galactus comes along and just eats it without even asking Me if he could have it.
So naturally, I went and confronted him about it. Galactus claimed he was “really hungry” and didn’t know that it was mine. Whatever. He’s such a liar.
You know, I wouldn’t mind so much if he went around eating non-life-sustaining planets. I don’t spend any time on those - they’re templates. But no! Galactus the Devourer of Cock has to eat the special planets I’ve worked so hard on!
Galactus thinks that just because he’s this huge powerful being that wields the power cosmic that he can do whatever he wants and be an obnoxious, insensitive prick all the time. He yells and curses a lot and pretty much has no regard for anyone else’s feelings. I really hate people like that.
It’s like, who does he think he is, anyway?! His power, although impressive, is nothing when compared to the Divine Power that I, The Almighty Lord, possess in just My Little Pinky Toe. I could totally erase him from existence if I wanted. I just choose not to.
Anyway, Galactus is a feeb and a Me-wannabe. His main enemy has always been the corny lames known as The Fantastic Four, and they’ve thwarted him how many times now? Has to be at least 15-20. Also, his head is frigging tiny and is completely out of proportion with the rest of his body. And he’s ugly. I hate him and I hope he chokes on the next world of Mine he eats.
I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
Ya pretty much.
I’ve been thiking, what does galactose have to do with galactus? Any thoughts, God?
Well, I’m pretty sure he’ll choke if he tries to eat our rotten little world.
God, what are your thoughts on the Silver Surfer? Isn’t he the maître de who leads Galactus to the all you can eat world buffet?
Dispose of him then!
Chris,
I’ve tried…the thing is, he’s My second cousin on My mother’s side. It’s awkward.
God,
Perhaps you should put a poison center in the next world you create. I used that tactic once. There was a guy at work who always ate part of my lunch out of the refrigerator. I wasn’t sure who it was, so I made some cookies with a special X-Lax ingredient and put them with my lunch. When Steve W had the shits all day, I knew it was him and laughed in his face along with the rest of my buddies. He never ate my lunch again.
Your Humble Servant,
Josh
Haha, thank you for that suggestion young Josh. I will be sure to include plenty of x-lax in all My planet cores from now on.
God-
What did The Thing do to evoke your wrath? You were obviously extremely pissed off at him for something.
This is so lame that if feels as if pussy-ass-Jesus took over the computer again…
FUCK YOU SATAN! You are lame!
what for
lol…personally, I love this one God. Don’t listen to Lucifer. Everyone knows he’s an anus.
Fuck Galacticus and Lucifer!!!
do You really want Galactus crapping all over the Universe? Maybe instead You should slip some ’shrooms into a planetary core, let him hallucinate until he sees You!
Judas - Nothing. Just felt like it.
galactus? more like DUMBlactus!
i’m galactose intolerant.
who’s your favorite herald of galactus? mine is terrax.
YoYo - I do not hold the Silver Surfer accountable, he is merely an unwilling slave to Galactus.
Jew - My favorite is the Silver Surfer. Nice guy. Plus, he’s wicked cool.
Why - Thank you for your support. Bless you.
Yo Yo Ma Ma,
Do you really think Galactus takes regular people dumps? He shits out heralds, just look at Terrax the Tamer, he was a huge turd. Fire Lord and Nova came after Galactus ate some Mexican planets.
God’s Humble Servant,
Josh
How can you not hold Silver Surfer accountable, thats like not holding the Jews accountable for killing Jesus.
http://everythingbutamericasucks.wordpress.com/
silver surfer is such a hack herald to pick.
god’s a loser.
You are wrong Jew. He’s easily the best one. And, he was in a movie.
God,
What are Your thoughts on George Lucas?
I used to have a lot of respect for him. Then I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now I just want to kill him. Any chance he’ll get smited and have an eternity of demon ass-rapings to look forward to?
Lucifer,
Please give my regards to George Carlin. It was a hell of a ride.
Sorry, I just find it hard to believe that God, The Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, of All Things Visible and Invisible, would really give a crap about “Galactus.” If it were a DC Comics’ character, or one from any number of auteur graphic novels in the world, I’d might consider cutting him some slack, but Marvel?! It might as well have been a blog about hating Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck.
Nun,
I flung his soul onto a hot tin roof a couple of hours ago, but once he’s well done, I’ll tell him you send your regards and then flip him.
Lucifer,
I hope you realize that is the equivalent of foreplay to Mr. Carlin.
George will be sorely missed. It is unfortunate that the world has one less really smart guy.
Thinking of the loss of George Carlin brings only one thought to mind….
WHY, GOD? WHY???
George Carlin is, was and will always be my FAVORITE comic. He will be sorely missed. Luckily, his influence on comedy and the world will go on, as is seen in blogs like this one…
Nun - what do you want from Me? He was old and had heart problems. He also did a lot of coke in his day. It’s a miracle I could keep him alive and entertaining you for this long.
Also, he’s not in hell as Satan would have you believe. He’s up here with Me in Heaven. He looks really surprised.
Carlin is in Heaven?! I’ll bet he’s not the only one looking really surprised.
It’s unnecessary to say this but You have excellent taste, God.
those things on the sides of galactus’ helmet aren’t a design element. that’s what his ears actually look like.
God, I’m impressed you have a picture from the original Fantastic Four movie. I’ve seen it, and it’s such a peice of garbage. The studios wanted so bad to pretend it never happened, it was a miracle a copy ever got to my hands. Many Bothans died so I could see the worst comic movie ever made.
orginally by D Hue:
“Many Bothans died so I could see the worst comic movie ever made.”
no. that was spider-man 3.
spider-man 3 is not only the worst comic movie ever made, it’s the worst movie ever made.
It is a requirement that many Bothans must die no matter what you are trying to accomplish. It’s their lot in life.
According to Tom Cruise, the Lord Xenu is the ruler and destroyer of universes.
shut up, cooper.
Sorry Unpleasant Jew, I didn’t know you were a fan of Tom Cruise and weren’t you blocking this blog?
pfft. shows how much you know. i ban and unban this blog 12 times a day.
Maybe naming yourself The Undecided Jew would be apt.
Cooper and Unpleasant Jew - you don’t have to get along.
Fight more. I like it.
The Unpleasant Jew
“no. that was spider-man 3.”
Perhaps Unpleasant Jew you have not seen the bile known as X3, where Brett “take a shit on the franchise” Ratner killed off Prof X and Cyclops! Maybe you missed it when Magneto used a bridge to get the mutants to the island and it turned from day to night in 5 seconds because the bridge looks cool in the day but explosions look cool at night.
Spider Man 3 was bad, but X3 is the worst of the worst. Then Brett Ratner had the nerve to go on that Fox show and tell new filmakers how to make movies. Please God smite Brett before he makes Ruch Hour 4!
God’s Humble Servant,
Josh
dearest josh,
professor X did not die, if you stayed after the credits. and cyclops is a gay homosexual who like cock in his ass and penis in his mouth. they should kill him in the comics too.
and it did not go from day to night in 5 seconds. the scene was not in real time. the bridge is very big and would have to be moved very slowly. magneto too probably a 1/2 hour or longer to get the bridge over there. this time lapse was shown through the sunset.
spider-man 3 is the movie equivalent of cyclops.
Barb Wire is by far the worst comic book movie.
1.Bard Wire
2.Catwoman
3.Judge Dredd
4.Batman & Robin
5.Batman Forever
6.Elektra
7.Daredevil
8.Superman 4
9.The Shadow
10.Aeon Flux
Wow. God is Galactus intolerant.
shut up, cooper
Unpleasant Jew,
Even Brett “Asshole Director” Ratner admitted the night to day BS. In the DVD commentary, everyone acknowledges it, but says “Hopefully you’re into the movie enough … ” The whole battle is then shown as taking place in the dark.
After the credits Magneto moves a chess piece. Are you implying that he did not move it but it was the ghost of Prof. X? Jew please.
I will say Cooper’s list is pretty good, but X3 is number one on my list because X2 is arguably the greatest comic book adaptation. To fall that far from grace takes a special type of asshole to eff it all up; Brett Ratner.
Josh
While Bridgette does not care at all for blasphemy or the language used in this post, she does agree that Galactus is an intergalactic jerk. She has never met him and will never meet him. It’s jerks like that that are ruining the universe.
Josh,
Magneto moves the chess piece BEFORE the credits. Professor X is indeed after the credits.
magneto moves the chess piece BEFORE the credits. after the credits you’re in moira mctaggarts lab where you’re looking from the professors point of view and and you hear his voice call to moira as he wakes up.
and while ratner may admit to just going from light to dark for the fun of it, the time it takes to move the bridge is a perfectly good explanation for the time lapse, intentional or not.
spider-man 3 is still the worst movie ever made of any genre.
JINX!
JINX!
OK OK, so now what you’re saying is the part where Prof is blown up by Jean was “make believe”? Man Ranter is the fucking worst of all time. He got a lot of back lash in the screenings for killing of Prof X and Cyclops so he adds a BS scene at the end to bring him back?
Unpleasant Jew, I think you’re funny, but I can not agree with you on this. I’d rather watch a Spiedy 3 48 hour marathon than watch X3 again. When that movie was over I wanted to punch everyone I saw in the face.
Josh
when i saw spider-man 3 i wanted to punch these 2 bridgettes behind me that wouldn’t shut up.
I agree Josh. Spiderman 3 was sweet as hell…especially when Sandman would stare at his hands and realize he was a dad….AWESOME!
Slow down Ben, I’m not saying Spidey 3 was awesome, but it was not as horrible as X3. The Juggernaut isn’t even a mutant!!!!!!!!
Josh
The world is in a sorry state when comic geeks can’t even get along.
ok, i can’t argue with that. prior to the movie coming out, i spent months railing against juggy’s mutantness. by the time the movie came out i was just over it though.
X3 wasn’t perfect, but i thought it was a lot of fun with some cool moments, and nothing that i personally found too offensive to my geeky sensibilities (except for the juggy thing, but like i said, i was over it by the time it came out).
the only redeeming value spidey 3 had was the painting of norman osborn harry had on his wall. i’d buy that if i could.
I wonder where uppity cracka is today…
I declare this comic-book geek fight A DRAW!
Hey guys,
I wanted in the movie so I lied on the application and said I was a mutant. Don’t blame Brett, he gave me work when I needed the money. Dispite rumors to the opposite, being in the steam fitters union doesn’t pay that well, or at least it doesn’t pay enough to replace all the metal underwear I go through. X-Men 3 saved my life.
Cain
Can You make a comic-book geek Thunderdome, God? That’d be wicked cool!
God,
Are You sure Jesus in the hole? This is a pretty lame blog. I agree with Nun could You make a comic-book Thinderdome? that’d be super sweet.
This is just silly. Who is Galactus anyway?
Devourer of Worlds, dumbass. Jeez, learn how to read.
ben,
i actually had a day off today and decided to spend it drinking. as a drunk person i would like to add my admiration for Mr. Carlin to the pile.
i like this post a lot and lucifer is not worthy of capitalization. i bet Mr. Carlin and God are having a great laugh. anyway, fuck earth.
PS- more shit bridgette doesn’t know. it’s okay to read OTHER make believe shit besides the bible, sweetheart.
mclephi, we told you the first time…we’re not interested. what are you-a fucking telemarketer?
wow, if god took an atheist like george, there may be hope for me! good job, god - george deserves a good afterlife!
as for the blog and comments - gee, i didn’t know god and his readers were such comicbook geeks! is this not the marvel age of blogging? excelsior!
Dear Father, who art in heaven,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
AAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Best post yet, oh Lord.
Amen.
Unpleasant Jew: You are the second reason I read this blog. Having nothing better to do is the first. Just kidding, God.
By the way, this is the first time I can remember that Bridgette asked a question instead of spewing the same boring Bible passage over and over.
God, you’re the best.
Screw the devourer of “cock”, he’s nothing but a crock of shit.
Don’t be surprised that some people don’t know marvel comic heroes (like Bridgette). Some of us are European where Bilal and Moebius are much bigger fish than the marvel crew.
Of course, in Brigette’s case, she has probably read nothing but the bible yet, and never will, out of fear of discovering something better.
What God doesn’t want you to know is why is George Carlin in Heaven. He’s a SLAVE WORKER, doing the Sacred Family’s lawn, cleaning the pool, and occasionally going down to Hollywood Blv. to pick up blow and skanks for Jesus. The Sacred Family only hires ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS.
Bridgette never read a comic book in her life.
Unless it was one of those stupid Jack Chic tracts.
Hey Lucifer,
I thought the cherubim were the slave workers in Heaven. Unless they are reserved for darker purposes…
Blueshifter and Ranting Student - Thank you, I will bless you both with long life and long penis.
Lucifer - You blasphemous bastard! That is patently false. You are a liar. George is busy doing a mountain of blow while getting blown.
Boy George has been refused a visa to the United States.
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61422322
God, do I see Your hand in this?
Just wondering.
I wonder if Bridgette actually reads any of these posts…
Yo Yo Ma Ma - I’m always being asked to bless the USA. Mostly I punish them for their insolence, but sometimes I throw those fat idiots a bone.
God,
Thank You for Your Blessing!
Lucifer,
I thought you had a nice place booked for George Carlin. You disappoint me by saying he’s in heaven.
Karin - Ha! Thanks for pointing that out. He admitted it! He admitted he’s a lying chump. Satan WISHES he had Carlin. He does not have the power to decide who goes where - never did, never will. That’s ALL ME!
Swimmington - I am working on it. It’s not easy to make a snobby CGI goldfish character into a superstar overnight, ok? Just be happy you got that rap video I put you in.
Bridgette reads comics
http://www.theguardianline.com/
and
http://www.thekidzoftheking.com/
The Kidz of the King are her fav because each character have their own scripture.
shut up cooper.
Hey Ben,
Brigette just skims the posts, looking for her name or something she thinks is blasphemous.
When she finds something, she drops the handful of Mars bars (or fistful of lamingtons, if it’s elevenses) and copies some biblical verses, adds in a comment about sacrilege, and presses Enter.
Then she resumes her feeding frenzy.
USA: It’s filled with desperate people begging for help and/or God’s blessing, 282 of which are women and 40 million are African, the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend that all infant boys be circumcised, birthplace of Patrick Swayze, onions on pizza and the virgin mary (the cocktail), a place where everybody is constantly fucked anally and where the Pope-mobile was last sighted, where Hillary Clinton is adored by some and crucified by others, capital of blasphemy, of science and of snitching, home of C.O.P.S., American Idol, Dick Franing, Dancing With The Stars, Nine-Eleven, Cats The Musical, Asia Argento, St. Patrick’s, George W. Bush, Sex And The City, Boy Scouts, Dead Soldiers Who Tried Their Best And Ask Too Many Questions, Fat People Who Wear Sandals and of the creator of Galactus.
Throw them a bone indeed…
Yo Yo,
Or she continues to get the smack down from her husband as he is constantly finding her on this “blasphemous” site.
God - Keep up the good work! I am eternally Your faithful servant
Alter Boy,
She expects the smackdown, Paul said it was OK.
Wait, Brigette is married??
Nice break down of all the Stuff God Hates posts so far Lucifer. I liked that you did it in order and the ‘dead soldiers who tried their best’ and the ‘fat people who wear sandals.’
Just to let everyone know, Mr. Carlin really enjoys it down here in the 9th circle. I look forward to the next post about him.
Judas you really are a dumbass
lucifer,
great point. i have a petty quibble in that jesus posted about sandals, but then again, jesus is one of god’s multiple personalities anyhow.
We haven’t heard from the Holy Spirit. I just hope it’s not a pansy like Jesus.
shut up cooper
I have a feeling that the Holy Spirit is a sneaky bastard.
hey god,
what do you think of darkseid? and what about highfather? if he aint a god-wannabe, i don’t know what one is. in fact, new genesis seems to be a whole second-rate rip-off of heaven!
WAIT!?!? You mean there is more after the credits of X3?
and I was so excited once that movie was over…
[...] This is some funny shit. Thanks to Lene for sharing this blog with me. One of my new faves! Of the many powerful beings [...]
[...] 26, 2008 in Humour I just had to share this from Stuff God Hates - it’s a great bit of writing; which I would of course expect from an [...]
Spider Man 3 is a horrible, horrible peice of crap. As is X3. BUT, I’m assuming you haven’t seen the original Fantastic Four, cause if you did you would agree that it IS the worst comic book movie ever made. I’m talking about the acting, the story, the special effects. Let me give you an example:
1. Dr. Doom is Gay. His power is moving his fingers, which clink around just so you know they are metal.
2. Mr. Fantastic’s special effects equal a rubber hand on a stick.
3. 2 guards run at Invisible Girl, she disappears, said guards run into each other knocking each other out. THIS HAPPENS, LIKE, EIGHT FREAKIN TIMES IN THE MOVIE.
4. Human Torch can’t hit the broad side of a barn. Entire budget was spent on his “flame on” scene at the end where he chases down a lazer beam.
5. The Thing looks like a brown ninja turtle, except the mouth moves like a bad dubbing on a foreign film.
Tack on a complete lack of editing and you get it.