Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I want to concentrate on something I truly loathe – dancing.
I hate dancing because you stupid mortals are so proud of yourselves when you do it.
You people think you’re so cool when you’re dancing, but you and I both know you look completely foolish. You flop around to and fro without the faintest idea of what you’re doing.
You go out to nightclubs, and try to dance to the music, even though you’ve never heard (even once ) 95% of the terrible songs that are played. You confusedly bump and bop and look around to see if anyone is watching how putrid your dancing is.
Take comfort. They aren’t watching you. They are far too worried about their own dance moves to notice how bad you are. But there is one unlucky person who is watching – Me. I have to watch everything!
But the worst (the worst!) are the people who think they’re good at dancing. They go to clubs and show-off the same silly rehearsed moves they always do so they can glorify themselves in front of the rest of you people who really can’t dance.
But on top of all that, I despise dancing because it encourages atrocious TV shows and movies about it such as: Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, The Evolution of Dance, Footloose, Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Body Rock, Tango, Breakin’, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Roll Bounce, Save the Last Dance, Shall We Dance?, Dance With Me, How She Move, You Got Served, Stomp the Yard, Bring It On, Take The Lead, Feel The Noise, Stepping Out, Step Up, Step Up 2 the Streets…
I tell you, it’s enough to make Me lose faith in Myself.
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
Hmmmm, so what about David dancing for you back in the OT? Piss you off then as well?
And say what you will any of those movies but Footloose rocked and if I weren’t such a confirmed atheist, I would be worshiping Kevin Bacon in the church of Dance-freakin’-Fever right this instant!!!
I’m surprised you didn’t say anything about ravers… god knows the “nordic track” is one of the goofiest (albeit fun) dance moves there are…
i just realized I said “god knows” while commenting on His blog site… i’m an idiot…
dancing is kinda weird
i almost feel like i don’t even need to comment on your length anymore. you got it down. you graduate suma cum laude with a major in blog length.
i have to say i agree with inmate that footloose should be kept off that list. that movie rules. and at risk of sounding gay, i’d say dirty dancing should get a reprieve as well.
but then again, i’d rather sound gay than post a contentless comment on a blog for no other reason than making sure i get the link to my own shitty blog in there.
inmate1972,
David is, has, and always will be, special and beloved to Me. It doesn’t matter what he does - murder, rape, pillage, dance - I just can’t help it! I love that son-of-a-gun.
And Footloose is evil. It encourages people to dance!!!
You know which character disappointed Me? The minister in that movie. He should have followed those kids to their dance party and then locked the doors and burned the building down. That’s how you teach the younger children.
I cannot believe people actually watch shows about dancing. Stone them, God!
What about people who know they can’t dance, but somehow forget after a few beers? I know You hate people asking for stuff, but could You make an exception and smite them just a bit, O Lord?
Ja. I think it was ABBA that killed anything good in dancing for good.
While I’m here just wanted to ask you a question. Do you also hate cling wrap. And if not. Why does it always stick to itself?
…and how is it that those damn High School Musical movies get off without a smite? Seriously, HSM2 alone should be worth at least a plague…or three.
“I hate dancing because you stupid mortals are so proud of yourselves when you do it…” does God hate everything that makes man proud of himself…………I am proud of myself .. so God hates me……boohoohoo:((
Ugh.
ImaG really does stink.
If he were bleeding on the side of the road, I wouldn’t even lap up his blood. I’d go find a squashed skunk or something.
imaG? Nope. You’re not.
More like - youraFag.
god, do you make exceptions for people dancing on my grave? kind of a conflict of interest…
Thank you for this post; it clarified a major point for me. I thought you hated Kevin Bacon…now I see it was the pelvic undulations and gratuitous floor slides that really burnt your toast.
Also, where is Bridgette? And Dick Franing? Perhaps they’re somewhere, together, doing the Lambada.
Dear God,
In your own book it says there is a time and place for everythgin under the sun, it even specifically mentions dancing. Are you flip flopping? Or are you baiting people into dancing so you can damn them to hell?
Your humble servant,
Josh
Josh,
There is most definitely NOT a time and a place for everything under the sun. Remember, I did not write that book Myself - I used ghost writers.
I also did not say that dancing was a damnation-worthy offense, but merely that I hate it because it is lame and it makes My people look stupid.
Hey everyone! Check it out! I SMOTE DICK FRANING!!
http://stuffgodhates.wordpress.com/2008/05/01/16-dick-franing/#comment-593
Dear God,
How do you feel about dancing hamsters?
(as in http://www.webhamster.com/)
Sincerely,
Tube Hamster
You’re repeating yourself, God. It’s well documented what you think of discos. There was you, chatting to Moses up the hill, and the locals had a disco.
What did you make Moses do? Throw the book at them. You smashed up all their props and made them wander around for 40 years.
i don’t know it’s the picture or the pretentiousness, but SOMETHING about anthonynorth bugs me.
Dear God,
I thought you’d get a kick out of this:
http://stuffwhitedbagslike.wordpress.com/2008/05/06/d-bags-in-the-news-hillary-clinton/
Turns out we have a difference of opinion on the lady — you hate her, and I love her.
p.s.
Why don’t Baptists have sex standing up? It might lead to dancing.
p.p.s.
The difference between Jews, Episcopalians and Baptists: Jews don’t recognize the divinity of Christ; Episcopalians don’t recognize the supremacy of the Pope; and Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store.
i don’t know it’s the picture or the pretentiousness, but SOMETHING about anthonynorth bugs me.
agreed 100%
Its that picture. him just sitting there smuggly writing little pretentious posts that serve no other purpose then to ‘hear’ himself speak.
your not as not as useless as imaG but you are more annoying/not entertaining because generally your useless comments are a lot longer then imaG’s total plug of his/her blog.
anyway
sorry Tony.
your post gets a little confusing there, j-moke. are you saying i’m useless and annoying or anthonynorth is?
J-Moke, don’t apologise. Some people like my humour, some don’t. Basically, I’m not bothered either way. I only came here because God decided to promote himself with comments on my blog.
Bye.
haha i was saying anthony is.
Having sought guidance from God - or was it my most handsome picture? - I’ve decided to continue commenting here.
For instance, certain commenters - I won’t say here (#23 and #25) - need to learn grammar, amongst other things. They may learn from my future comments.
I’ll attempt to keep my humour low-brow enough for them to understand. Though I don’t think I’ll be able to do so.
At least, one of them has a dictionary to hand - how else would he know ‘pretentiousness’?
Gays like dancing. God hates gays. Thus, God hates dancing. Makes sense…
At least, one of them has a dictionary to hand - how else would he know ‘pretentiousness’?
And you just carry triumphalism in your back pocket I guess.
Triumphalism
Does god hate politicians too?
http://gositinthecorner.wordpress.com
Does God hate the Riverdance as much as I do? What about dancing strippers?
Cooper,
YES! Riverdance is terrible. Dancing strippers are actually lust-demons sent from hell to take your money and dignity.
your frontin’ God…..dancing is like school in summertime…totally rad and necessary….maybe you just hate it because you in fact have no rhythm yourself….you ain’t got no flow…..can’t say I’m surprised…..I don’t know many huge white dudes with beards that can light up the dance floor like its 1978….and if they can it’s just disturbing…
Do you also disapprove of “Liturgical Performances” that consists of interpretive dancing at Church to praise You (I’m a “Liturgical Performer”)?
holy moly! has bridgette given up?
On the otherhand, I LOVE dancing. That way, when You are watching, You can’t tell they are really having sex. Hot, dirty sex. Standing up. Talk about oyur BIG BANG theory!