Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I’m going to take a break from venting about the big things that bother Me (women, science, anal), and focus My Rage onto one particular speck of infectious human waste – American citizen Dick Franing.
You’ve never heard of him, because he’s a nobody. Nevertheless, mortal Dick Franing is a blasphemous cur and I am going to smite him worse than I’ve ever smoten anyone ever before!
Ya know, up until yesterday, I’d never taken much notice of him. I mean, I guess he always went to church and stuff but whatever. Now he’s gonna burn in hell and get raped by demons for all eternity!
Why? Because yesterday this jackhole crossed the line.
He desecrated The Lord’s Blog!
On April 30th, in the Year of Me 2008, at exactly 11:44:23 AM EST, one Richard Earnest Franing, 52, of Knoxville, Iowa, did defile My Holy and Divine Blog by posting an idiotic comment that was 4,256 words long and utterly deranged.
Entitled “A Trilogy On Metaphysics and Blah Blah Whatever,” the imbecile actually dedicates his insane gibberish to “the Honor and Glory of Me.”
ISN’T THAT GREAT?! I just love it when fawning nitwits dedicate their gigantic steaming piles of horse-dung to Me.
Why do I always attract people to My Cause who can’t spell, write or think?
I HATE YOU DICK FRANING! I’M COMING FOR YOU WITH MY CHERUBIM AND MY FLAMING SWORD AND I’M GOING TO SMITE YOU SO FRICKING HARD!
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
OOOOOOOOH GOD! Can I watch when you smite him PLEEEEEASE! I can’t promise to stay calm. I might accidentally sow some heretical seed on him in my excitement. Could I kick him a few times while you’re smiting? Maybe just once or twice in the face so I could dislodge a few teeth for souvenirs?
Lol smoten.
Thank you God, you answered my prayers.
Now if you’d only release a Dick Franing raped by demons sex tape, your vengence would be supreme. (And you’d make a lot of money)
Your humble servant,
Josh
- Just A Heretic,
Consider it done.
Hmm, I am having difficulty deciding on the best way to smite Dick Franing down. There are so many ways to go!
Any suggestions?
Thanks
imaG stinks. “hey look! here’s a blog. i’m gonna post a no content comment just so i can leave a link to my dumb site! oh, and i love balls in my mouth!”
imaG is worse than a really long blog.
“He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.” — Leviticus 24:16
I was going to read it but it was too long. I will just take your word for it.
I heard that Richard E. Franing died while having sex with a horse.
God,
How about you make it so he can never type again. That’d be a good start.
As someone who hates long comments on my blog, I think I’m with you on this one.
But don’t you go thinking I’m now a Christian!
Okay?
God, I think Richard E. Franning should have to say the Our Father 4,256 times, while holding spiked Rosary Beads.
You’re an Unpleasant Jew. You suck. I read the content and he spelt smitten wrong. Smoten.
spelled*
No No No, he wants to SMITE him. As in hit him quickly with something that will immediately kill him, or yield him miserable for the rest of his days on this planet. I’m just thinking creatively here: how about leaving him stricken with Tourette’s syndrome, so that every now and then he just announces “I wanna fuck your children!!” and “”cops can lick my balls!” This should alienate him from all his drooling acolyte friends, and hopefully ultimately get him a spot in prison, where he’ll be butt raped by a guy named Horse while saying Our Fathers on his spiked Rosary Beads…
But I’d still want to kick a few of his teeth out first…
Marry him to Xinthippiaer-horsefacegirl.
See how long he can deal with that shrew before she has him lactating.
How is that Dick merits all this smiting but Bridgette, who clearly has nothing useful to say AND repeats herself, gets off so easy?
Where’s her eternal-demon-orgy-sex-tape punishment??
Inmate1972,
Dick Franing angered Me with the length and stupidity of his ‘comment’, which clearly had no purpose but to glorify himself.
Bridgette pleases Me greatly, for she merely posts a quick quote from My Book and reminds people not to fuck with Me.
Just a Heretic,
Excellent suggestions. I will incorporate them into the master plan.
Thanks for dedicating an entire post to me ‘god.’ I have notified wordpress of your illegal slanderous actions, and tehy assured me your despicable blog will be deleted.
Did they pat your bottom and wipe your tears while they said it, then laugh after you had walked out of the room?
“Illegal”…
This is the internet, douche-fag. Here, people still have free speech, and you can’t stop that, no matter who you cry to.
Is it possible for Bridgette to stone God? It seems like a whole egg and chicken deal to me. Speaking of which, the egg came first, right?
DAMN YOU RFRANING! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
please dont take away my God blog… *cry*
“Why do I always attract people to My Cause who can’t spell, write, or think?”
“…and tehy assured me your despicable blog will be deleted.”
Thank you, Dick, for proving god right, and for showing that all followers of the constintinian bible are narcissistic jackasses with a diety complex. You are NOT god, as much as you think you are. Learn to read and write first, then try entering the big-boy world of blogging. Also, way to tattle to wordpress because somebody called out your moronic point of view. Hope some athiests run a train on you, you pussy.
god, i would send him down here to the ninth circle if i were you. place him in Judecca, that little spot in hell named after Me, where everyone is frozen solid into contorted positions, forever encapsulated in blocks of ice. freeze him so he’s bent over, forever showing his most prominent trait to us damned souls - his GIANT asshole. make sure his ginormous cornhole is exposed, though, so that Satan can eternally ream him out like a roto-rooter. no lube. brutus, cassius, and I could seriously use some entertainment down here.
started to read it …got to God is the ultimate reality.
Then I barfed in my mouth.
Don’t forget the women God! There must be a woman version of Dick Faning who pisses you off!
[...] though I despise snitches, I will not single out anyone specific for ridicule here. That would make Me a [...]
Oh God, please hear my request. In Your goodness please post a video of Thy smiting of Dick Franing upon Youtube. Post it there so that heathens may know Thy power and glory.
VoiceofReason,
Because you capitalized appropriately, I will grant your prayer.
NOW WITNESS THE AWESOME POWER OF ME!!!
DAMN YOU DICK FRANING!! I SMITE YOU!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IvSBy9Lxnc
LOLOLOLOL!!!!!
That Vid is HILLARIOUS!!!!
You go, God!!!
It’s gone.
NOT ANYMORE ALEX! It’s back.
Thanks God. Pretty epic video if I do say so myself. Must be nice being almighty and stuff, isn’t it?
You’re missing the mark on this one. This blog could have been hilarious, thought provoking, and inspirational. Instead it’s juvenile, vacuous, and boring. Time to retool or move on…
Do you have to read all that shit?
I guess being god certainly has it’s downside..
I would have had Dick Franing build a pyramid in a diaper full of scarab beetles if he had pulled that crap on me.
“I’M COMING FOR YOU WITH MY CHERUBIM AND MY FLAMING SWORD AND I’M GOING TO SMITE YOU SO FRICKING HARD!
This line had me giggling for hours. Thanks for creating this blog… it’s hilarious!
~Student
this shit is awesome
The real reason if I may, God, is that Dick Franing is a fricking paganist!
Smite like you never smited so hard in all your life! Smite me daddy, smite me!
Put Brigette and Franing in a locked room together, for all Eternity.
Thanks for dedicating an entire post to me ‘god.’ I have notified wordpress of your illegal slanderous actions, and tehy assured me your despicable blog will be deleted.
////
Dear Rfranning,
How’d this work out for you?
Regards,
PB