Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about something that has disgusted Me ever since I first saw two curious men discover it – anal sex.
But before I get into that, I’d like to clear up a common misconception.
You know, church leaders are always telling people I hate homosexuals. Not true.
“God hates fags!” they’ll say. “Look it up! It’s in the Bible! God killed every queer in Sodom and Gomorrah!”
While it’s true that technically, yes, I did turn everyone in those towns into ash, it’s only because there was this volcano I totally spaced on. Had absolutely nothing to do with the men there being gay.
On the contrary - I love homos! I love their music, their devotion to cleanliness, and their impeccable fashion sense. In fact, I have several gay friends. Two of the twelve apostles are gay. But not with each other.
So once and for all, let Me be as clear as I can on this:
I do not hate fags. I hate anal.
See the distinction there? I guess I could understand why people get confused. But be you gay or straight, if you do anal you face My Wrath.
Why you ask?
BECAUSE! That’s not what I made dicks for.
I designed the penis, ok? I created it. Me. And that means I get to decide how it gets used.
It’s simple. The penis is for going in (and out) of the vagina. And for peeing your name in the snow. That’s it!
The anus, on the other hand, was designed solely for pooping. Exit. Only.
The penis does not and should not - ever and for any reason – travel into the anus. This is a clear violation.
Don’t get me wrong! It’s ok to be gay. You just can’t have butt-sex.
As far as I’m concerned, love anyone you want. Two men want to get married? Fine. As long as one of them gets a sex-change and has a vagina installed.
But please, no more anal. It’s gross!
Ralph on 
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
rofl
God, some of my best friends are gays. i’m sure they have anal sex. please please don’t cast them into hell. they are very good people, honest. i guess you would know that…
lolol @ this kinda
god must be white because white people like having gay friends
- molly
OF COURSE I’M WHITE!! Did you ever have any doubt?
this entry passed my length test, so i read it.
how do you feel about mouthal?
- Unpleasant Jew
It’s also not what I intended, but I’m willing to let mouthal slide.
God? Why don’t you ever answer me? I promise not to have anal sex!
- Stuff
I AM BUSY! and I am not here to answer every question. People are always asking Me questions.
But seeing as how I have some loyal readers, perhaps I will reward them with a ‘Ask God’ feature soon.
Stuff God Loves -
Ever After
yes…..that stuff is just plain nasty I would agree….but its sort of on you God for giving us all free will…not only that but also allowing it to grant genuine pleasure (or so I have heard)…so if your pissed about the misuse of the poop shoot…I’m afraid you have no one to blame but yourself.
P.S. I don’t think they prefer to be referred to as “homos”
Okay, I get that you created the penis and hence, claim intellectual property rights over it, but then you shoulda canceled out free will, dude…
God, your humor rocks my socks
=)
God, are you taking Sunday off?
Of course. I slept for 13 hours last night and have just been kind of lazing around all day in my PJ’s.
hey god, you DO realize that it says right at the beginning of genesis that it is a sin for man to try and know god? so are you just trying to get men to sin with this blog, by letting them know you? that doesn’t seem very benevolent to me.
methinks this blog is written by the old testament god. the new testament god is a lot nicer.
OK, not that I know anything about this, not being a gay man and all, but if you didn’t want people to have anal sex, why did you make it feel so damn good? Uh, not that I know anything about that. That’s just what I’ve just heard. Ya know?
Sure God, right God, but you know the saying, if it fits, use it. I’m sure some folks say it is ‘wrong’ or ‘immoral’ butt, If it wasn’t good for some one, any one, and its supposed to hurt so bad [because you are watching over it] then WHY do so many people go back for more…for centuries? and you gotta admit, you’re a little curious too, God.
Probably for the same reason we have nu metal.
A lot of people just suck.
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I created ANAL just to piss you off! Aren’t I amazing and powerful? Better than simple anal is DRY ANAL!! Try that one on for size, God. Better yet, TRY anal. You might find you like it. I will write about why I love anal for you. Maybe then you’ll come to understand it’s potency.
You had me at: “Two of the twelve apostles are gay. But not with each other.”
Haaahaaaahaaa!
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Why did you make the anus spasm during orgasm? It happens to both men and women… ugh! And putting the male g-spot just inside the anus… cruel!
Your god said on April 18, 2008 at 3:16 pm8 God
- Stuff
I AM BUSY! and I am not here to answer every question. People are always asking Me questions.
The Messenger of God is free to answer every questions you ask, based on the Bible.
Go to http://www.esoriano.wordpress.com
tRY IT YOU MIGHT LIKE IT. a GOOD ANAL FUICK IS GOOD SO LONG AS YOU GREASE IT UP… BTW nice satire
Uhm, what if I stick my dick up a GIRL’s ass? Would you still hate that?
The porn industry will not be happy about all this, God.
[...] of pals! We had (have) everything in common. He hates snitches, I hate snitches. He hates anal, I hate anal. He hates science, I hate science. You get the [...]
ah, so THIS is the reason you torment all us fags with the crazy idea in breeders’ brains that we chose to be this way.
well done, sir, well done!
now please don’t peek when my husband and I are busy pleasuring each other; it’s just not good manners to watch unless invited.
and, no, for the last time no, we’re not interested.
jeez — it’s always the ones wanting to control others who have the biggest latent issues…
[4 God
- molly
OF COURSE I’M WHITE!! Did you ever have any doubt?]
- No wonder you have a God complex!! Dude!
Maybe a straight couple enjoy anal… I am sure I read Greek girls do….
Chris
http://www.thevisitingbrit.com
If you would read the blog rather than just bumping your site, you would see that God doesn’t care whether they are straight or gay!
He just hates anal.
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[...] Baptist claims I hate fags, which is true, but not in the way they mean it. Sure, anal sex makes Me furious, but I don’t hate gay-fags, I hate stupid douche-fags like the Jonas Brothers! I [...]
Can i PLZ have anal sex with you god? My gf doesnt want it anymore, save me god, bend over thy bed for me
[...] Baptist claims I hate fags, which is true, but not in the way they mean it. Sure, anal sex makes Me furious, but I don’t hate gay-fags, I hate stupid douche-fags like the Jonas Brothers! I [...]