Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about something I feel very, very strongly about - My deep and abiding hatred for women.
Now don’t get Me wrong! I’m not a gay. Far from it.
I’ve been a poon-hound ever since I first created poon. I get as much as I want, whenever I want. I’m sure you’re wondering about all My Conquests.
Aphrodite? Did her.
Lakshmi, the 4-armed Hindu Sex Goddess? You bet.
Marilyn Monroe? I have her tied up in My Bed right now.
Yup, I’ve basically had sex with every hot woman who ever existed. Many, many times.
But that’s beside the point. The point is I hate women. HATE THEM!
And I always have. I regret ever creating their stupid gender.
I should have listened to My Divine Instincts. I said to Myself, you’re creating a garden of delights God, and all you’re gonna do is make one little man and keep him happy. It was just supposed to be Me and My best bud Adam, hanging out in paradise…together forever.
But then Adam just had to get his jimmy waxed. And I, being the good friend and loving God that I am, gave the stupid jerk what he wanted. A creature that would spend its life worshipping his penis. So I took one of his ribs and made that treacherous whore Eve.
I HATE WOMEN! I HATE THEM SO MUCH!
They’re rife with design flaws. I mean, sure, they look fabulous and you just want to grab’em and do nasty things. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re all vile, selfish little whores that scowl at you when you hold the door open for them. And do they ever say thank you?
The answer is: rarely. I’ve watched every instance of this situation since doors were first invented. And women only say thank you 17% of the time. Mostly they just stride through like it’s every man’s job to hold doors open for strange bitches.
I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD AND I HATE WOMEN! If you’re a woman, you know this to be true. Deep down, you’ve always known.
But I digress. Getting back to that slut Eve, what do you think is the first thing that backstabbing bitch ever did?
Yup, that’s right. Stab Me in the back. She betrayed Me, the Lord God Almighty, who gave her absolutely everything, for some smooth-talking serpent. BITCH!
Also, at around the same time all this was going on I was on a lot of painkillers because I had just caught Aphrodite cheating on Me with this douche Adonis.
So anyway, I decided to punish women for all eternity. You might not be aware of this, but I made it so that they bleed once a month. For a week!
I also made several sweet alterations to the pregnancy process. See, originally, the human pregnancy cycle was only supposed to last a couple of weeks. I extended that to nine long months of weight gain.
Also, babies were originally only going to be about the size of a Raisinet and would be born out of the woman’s mouth. I changed this so that the average baby weighed 7 pounds and came out headfirst through the most painful place possible (the vagina.)
Finally, I made women half as strong as men, so that a man could always just beat the crap out of a woman if she ever got too annoying.
HA! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET WOMAN!
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
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I love women
I have to say, God, this is a great account of the mistakes you’ve made with women. would like you to expand on a couple more very weighty flaws. For instance..
Women’s irrationality and flaky reasoning… Was that a mistake you made with making women? Seems more like a punishment for men.
Other spastic stuff: Poor driving, sub-par athletic ability, etc.
Thanks.
in regards to length, i didn’t read this. but on the subject of women, i have a quote:
“Women. Can’t live with them, pass the beernuts.”
-Norm Peterson
-Cheers
God,
The average period lasts between three to SEVEN days. I guess you must REALLY hate some women more than others!
- Unpleasant Jew,
Great quote. I love Cheers.
Stuffgodloves = Poon, also smiting.
Methink thou dost protest too much!
No wonder you hate women! You admit you have had sex with each and every one of us, yet the performance was so lack-luster we did not even notice! And those that do notice are can’t wait to get a REAL lover and cheat on you!!! Even that nymphomaniac Monroe has to be tied up to stay in your bed….
So, just like any other inadequate male, you resent and hate us, women!
And as for that thing about giving us half the strength you gave men? That’s ok, it is adequately compensated for by having given us more than double their intelligence! And since men were made in your image…well, let’s just say that with the little smarts they have to rely on to get by, even rudimentary logic seems ‘irrational’ to them.
You poor little brutes! But it’s ok, Mommy will fix things for you!
Xanthippa, your husband is waiting for his goddamn steak dinner. Get on it.
Men were made in God’s image, but apparently that lizard thing was made in Jack Nicholson’s image.
El Guapo only kills men. He does not kill crying women!
@ Terps!
Hmmmmm….. Steak dinner! I like mine nice and rare!
If you’re a good boy, I’ll save you the bone! Oh, and you can also have my salad….
I love women, yes I do!
Broiled, fried, or in a stew!!
“I’ve been a poon-hound ever since I first created poon.”
I HAVEN’T EVEN READ THE REST. THIS LINE DID IT FOR ME! I’m quoting you God.
Yaweh,
I’d never complain about Your subject choices, and totally get that You hate women. But Your best creations are Your funniest. Like the Platypus and Africa.
This entry isn’t funny.
yes…..vile whores….them and their conniving ways and their me first attitude and their overall smugness….especially the hot ones. Good going God.
that’s okay, we hate you right back and then just deny your existence.
[...] Then again, maybe it’s because she’s a woman. That’s a big strike against her already because as I discussed last week, I, the Lord your God, hold an eternal grudge against women. [...]
“It was just supposed to be Me and My best bud Adam,”
…jealous?
Another design feature of God’s was making women’s feet smaller than men’s. This way, they could stand closer to the stove.
you tell ‘em,Xanthippa!
[...] I’m going to take a break from venting about the big things that bother Me (women, science, anal), and focus My Rage onto one particular speck of infectious human waste – American [...]
I hate all grownups, men or women.
I don’t like or believe in you, God.
HA! Sharon Carlson, you show the utter stupidity of all women with your post. Your website link doesn’t even work.
I would smite you for your disrespect, but why bother? Your existence is already the epitome of suffering.
Absolutely amazing post!
God, why did you make all of us men poon-hounds (except the fags)? Seriously, I’d get so much more done if I wasn’t chasing tail. I’d save money, probably would have saved my job too, if I didn’t have this deep seeded insatiable love of Asian porn? WHY GOD, WHY?!?!
[...] of His wrath is reserved for women, which is perfectly fitting for the author of such a misogynist book: But that’s beside the [...]
Dear God,
Mary must have been a real ugly bitch for You to find a way of doing it without touching her.
Most women won’t admit it, but they hate other females, too.
That being said, I’ve heard all kinds of bullshit about how women are worse at things that involve reasoning, logic, etc. and they’re just conniving whores with no real abilities that just manipulate other people to get what they want. Admittedly, there are a lot of women like that (but probably just as many men, only it gets called “power games” if guys use people to get what they want), but I have a hard time buying that when I frequently post better scores in math/science courses than any of the males I know, and I don’t use a calculator. AND YES I mean calculus, not some namby-pamby no-credit algebra shit nobody cares about.
Just my two cents, or actually more if you illegally melt the coins down and take it for its value as semi-precious metal.
I love women but I hate dumb girls.
oh,mama..!!
I DONT BELIEVE IN U, IM ASIAN.HAHA.GOTCHA!
[...] I tell you mortals, it’s dreadful shows like this that make being omnipresent truly unbearable for Me. I, The Lord GOD Almighty, have had no choice but to watch every last fucking episode and repeat shown on TV for the last ten fucking years. Not only that, I’ve had to watch every stupid fucking cunt alive watch this stupid fucking show and love every stupid fucking minute of it! Just one more reason I utterly despise women. [...]
Just think - you made a creature who, in your words “that would spend its life worshipping his penis.”
She betrays you because a smooth-talking serpent gets to her. Now, Who created her? And created her to love and worship a long, hard, snake-like anatomy? I’m just saying.
You’re right! God really does hate women! That’s why he made TV shows like Desparate Housewives, Sex and the City, As The World Turns …
Perhaps the mistake wasn’t in Woman, but in the penis.
Yeah, cuz this is OBVIOUSLY true according to the Bible. Whatever. You’re a loser.
Mandy is a cunt.
[...] extremely vain. This is especially common amongst fat females. And the only thing worse than a woman, is a fat woman who thinks she’s sexy. Quite frankly, it infuriates and confuses Me. It [...]
Women are despised by mankind because:
- They never know want they want for dinner. This takes a half hour. Just pick a place, you stupid bitch! It’s just food, and it doesn’t matter! Quit being difficult, cunt! (These are the thoughts all men think, ladies, while we’re arguing with you about where to go out to eat)
- They hate the word ‘cunt,’ which is a great word. I can’t stand whenever a woman has to tell me how much they hate the words ‘cunt’ or ‘pussy.’ Those are great words, you angry cunt! Now stop whining and gimme some pussy.
- They love to make simple situations endlessly complicated, and they never answer a question with ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Example: “Are you hungry?” answer: “Well, I don’t know. I’m kinda hungry, but then again, I don’t know where we should go eat.” YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU’RE EITHER HUNGRY OR YOU’RE NOT HUNGRY! AND WE’RE GOING TO OUTBACK, YA CUNT, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
- They never want to watch what we want to watch on TV. A show about a redecorating a room? No fucking way. I don’t want to participate in that in real life, let alone watch some cunt on TV do it. Gimme the remote, we’re watching the Golf Channel, got it?
- They can’t drive for shit. Why is the size of the SUV always in inverse proportion to the size of the clueless bitch behind the wheel, yakking on a fucking cellphone? YOU’RE NOT IMPORTANT! HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE ALREADY AND GET OUTTA THE FUCKING WAY!
(thanks, I feel better now)
Look after your women and you will be rewarded..
Chris
http://www.thevisitingbrit.com
Good job God…thanks for royally F’ing this up for all us on earth. Women are the most annoying and frustrating creatures on the planet, yet you’ve made them pretty and smell good, which make them hard to resist. Darn you to heck!
[...] everything I tell them, and a heart on fire to get My Message out to the masses. I never speak to women, if I can help [...]
God, it’s so sad that you spend all your time directing your omnipotence into inane screeds like this one that only reveal how self-loathing you are (as are all haters).
Perhaps “impotent” is the word that better describes you?
Bathsheba, it’s so sad that you take satire seriously. It’s also pathetic that you don’t understand the point of things like this.
Perhaps “imbecile” is the best word to describe you?
shut up, dead ben.
Uppity- Thank you.
Dead Ben- Perhaps removing all computers from hell would do you good.
Meh. I always knew you hated me because I was a woman, so this is pretty old news to me.
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
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hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
you people amuse me
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}
keep up the dialogue, the GODDESS is most entertained!!!!
I knew F–ing knew it. Dirty women, and all their dirtiness. This settles so many arguments.
Good Lord these are great.
SURFER DUDE! As a woman, I resemble that remark!
*feigning offense with hand upon brow*
best part are the comments here
[...] I’ve said before, I hate women. For this reason, they should NEVER be in control. Women are meant to be dominated and oppressed. [...]
Fuckin whores