Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Now I would like to focus My Righteous Anger on someone totally deserving of My Wrath – Patrick Swayze.
If you haven’t heard of him, I’m not surprised. He’s an American actor who briefly attained fame in the late 1980’s, and he’s been pissing me off for years. And now, thanks to My Mysterious Ways, he’s going to die.
See, back when Patrick was a young man, he prayed to Me for help. His devastatingly good looks pleased Me, so I blessed his career. In return, he promised to go to church every week and devote his life to being My humble servant.
I got him cast in big-budget Hollywood movies. Films like Dirty Dancing, Ghost, and Roadhouse. And even though those movies were all terrible - TERRIBLE! - I stretched My Divine Power to the limits to get people to perceive them as treasured American classics.
Do you have any idea how hard it was to get people to love, I mean truly love Roadhouse? It almost killed Me!
I, The Blessed Lord of the Universe, bent the rules of reality to make Swayze a star. His undeserved rise to fame almost brought an end to all existence!
Patrick Swayze took the fame, he took the money, and he took all the women he wanted. But did he thank Me? Well, yes. But not enough!
Oh sure, he was a good person his whole life. And I guess he was a loving father and family man. And yes, he went to church every week just like he promised. But whatever. There were a few times there when he seemed a little less than enthusiastic about it all.
And yeah, maybe he did give a lot of money to charity. Big deal. He was obviously just trying to buy Me off.
I just feel like, for all that I did for Swayze, he should have brought a solid 10 to 20 million pagans into My flock. But he didn’t. I’ve actually lost another 3 million followers since the release of Point Break.
I gave him plenty of time to repay Me, but his looks have faded now and I just don’t see it happening. So when I finally let Patrick die (after an excruciatingly long and painful struggle), I will have no choice but to cast him down into the fiery pits of hell.
Let this be a warning to the rest of you.
freebiesss on 
TheEvilOverlord on 
God on 
Craig on 
samanta on 
ShunRenHu on 
Hey Pop;
You’re starting to sound like the God they called the the “Lord of Hosts”.
Remember when you got pissed and wiped out Sodom and Gonorrhea.
And my shoes are still waterlogged from that flood.
What happened to the kind, compassionate God who needs money all the time?
You know, the God we all know and love
Your Son
Oh. I thought I really was crazy for Swayze.
God, i know you can do no wrong… so im sure you had an underling of sorts type this article out for you, i know this because there is an extra ‘he’ in your sentence
“But he did he thank Me?”
Groveling apologies for pointing this out
-J
(God’s note: This minor error has been fixed. However, J-Moke has been stricken with a rare pituitary disorder for his insolence.)
I must say, God, your blog is infinitely better than that blog about the white people.
“bended the rules”…….that anything like “bent the rules”?
whoever wrote this is going to hell. you don’t make fun of a dying man.
Outrageous, making fun of rich, powerful, dying men has been a staple of american comedy for centuries. look at DICK cheney, oj, danny bonaduce (sp?), brett michaels, keith richards, etc. the reason celebrities slowly killing themselves is funny is because they are RICH AND POWERFUL. the fact that they are about to die just reminds us that we are all human, and (since there is no god) no one is infallible, invincible, or omnipotent. it makes me laugh every time.
I can’t believe they let you publish this. Should something ever happen to you, let’s hope there isn’t anyone like you around to make fun of you in their blogs!! See how YOU like that!
Genius!
Travelberry-just who are ‘they’?
Damn, God. You are vengeful.
And more hilarious than I thought you would be.
Typo:
“So when Patrick dies next week Thursday I will have no choice but to cast him down into the fiery pits of hell.”
Great post otherwise. =D
I don’t care for Patrick Swayze as an actor, but come on, the guy’s dyin’. Give him a break.
F%ck Swayze lol
I was having trouble deciding which is funnier: Stuff White People Like, or Stuff God Hates.
Then I realized You are God so I’d better think you’re funnier.
Who REALLY wrote that ghashtly, blasphemous crock of cowdung ?Marilyn Manson, or Charles Manson ,son of perdition? Same old devil, YOU go back to the pit of hell, from whence YOU came, because you are a bound and defeated foe, and you know it.
Jesus is Alive and Victorious for all who turn to HIM, that includes Patrick Swayze, and by Jesus´stripes, I believe Almighty God for his miraculous healing, and I pray that the powerful eternal blood covenant over him for healing , and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God that seperates the soul ,and body from the spirit, and sorts and sifts, from the deepest parts of his nature even to the joints and marrow of his bones.”For the Word of God is medication and Life to his flesh,for the law of the spirit of life” operates in Patrick Swayze, and makes him free from the law of sinand death.
The sowing and reaping ,spiritual laws, that affect everything, will bring in a harvest which you will not like
one bit,if you do not repent of the way you mock God, and damn man.
You have to reverse the curse that you bring upon yourself. There is a scripture that comes to mind “God will not be mocked, HE reserves HIS wrath for HIS enemies”.
You will not come off unscathed, you open free access for satan freedom to control and ruin your life,by mocking God like this, take this as a loving, concerned warning, believe me things of spiritual dimensions in which angels and devils operate is a realm of reality.With Almighty God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit ruling and reigning in the position of total, eternal, Divine omnipetence, The Alpha and Omega, the Beggining and End, The one who you mock is the ultimate powerful Cosmic, creator of everything, EVERYTHING.
I’m all for free speech, but this is in poor taste. I won’t call it blasphemy, but c’mon, he has pancreatic cancer.
Hey, your blog is well..alreay hit the skids. You already are picking on Patrick with #4? Isn’t he more like #404? You can’t come up with anything else? You generate this idea and put all this time into these trite and cliched posts and this is your fourth best idea?
What is the over/under for this blog? I’ll go with one month. but I won’t find out if its around cause this is my last visit.
Thank you Lord, for giving me a reason to smile! For those of you who only see this as some blasphemous blog in poor taste, I submit: we were made in his image. I do believe God gets us! Keep on writing, Lord! Ignore the unbelievers! I await the wisdom your next utterance!
Point break is phenomenal.
For all you who think he’s making fun of a dying man….
God is the one who struck him with pancreatic cancer…this post is simply a reflection of the reasoning that MUST have gone behind it: Successful, gives to charity, church-going…kind of a good guy, right? And yet, he’s dying young of a horrid disease.
And, if you believe in an omnipotent, omnipresent deity - what kind of a being does it make him, doing this to Patrick S.????
Please, see that this post is pointing out just how tragic this man’s situation is, and that worshipping a being that would do this to someone is even worse…
mamabev1 are you maybe on crack?
Xanthippa- “The devil cometh but to kill,steal and destroy, but Jesus came that we may have LIFE, and that more abundantly”.
Jesus came to pay for your sins, His sacrifice bought us eternal life from the blood poured out at Calvary. If Patrick has been Born Again, and Baptised, then he has already died, been buried with Christ spiritually, and risen with Him to eternal life.
So, it matters not to him, because he has already been liberated from the curse of death (that Adam and Eve`s disobedience to God Almighty, caused to come into the earth)
He will merely shed his physical form at the point of death and Jesus will welcome him to a higher spiritual dimension, his heavenly home.
Awaiting the great final Judgement, with Jesus as his advocate on his behalf with the Father, his Saviour and King, he will be spared spending eternity in hell, because without turning to Christ, that is where he would have gone. Because Jesus is the WAY , the TRUTH and the LIFE,for “nobody goes to the Father except through ME” Jesus assured us. So if Swayze is in Christ, he is already programmed into a wonderful joyous eternity.
@mamabel:
I don’t like people doing ’stuff’ on my behalf, without my permission - or even knowledge! Regardless of how much they think they are helping me, such a height of arrogance is simply unacceptable - and in no way welcome.
That includes anyone sacrificing themselves on my behalf, and anyone who would allow their children (only begotten son) to be tortured and murdered! Really, think about it: when we read of anyone torturing their own son to death (or watching from above as it is done, while having the power to intervene and stop the suffering at all times), we have but one word for them: EVIL!
I, for one, will not become complicit in such a crime!
And if you truly believe God to be omnipotent, then you know He could have redeemed us all without all that violence done to his son…or religious wars…or children starving to death…or any other myriad of suffering. Yes, people say he has a plan we don’t comprehend - and we don’t need to comprehend it!
All we need to know that God is omnipotent. That means He can do anything He wants to.
It means that He can indeed achieve His plan without causing suffering - if he can’t, then he is not omnipotent. And if he can, and still tolerates suffering, then he is nothing short of evil and certainly should not be worshipped by respectable people!
nicely done xanthippa! you just tore that crackhead a new a-hole!
These rip-offs of Stuff White People Like keep getting dumber and dumber.
- JB
While there are a lot of really lame ripoffs of SWPL, StuffChristiansLike, StuffWhiteParentsLike, StuffMidgetsLike, etc.,
I do not think this is a dumb blog. And it is unfair to lump it in with those ripoffs.
While no doubt inspired by SWPL, this at least, is something a little different. It’s not a scientific inquiry into what some ethnic group likes, it’s all about what a celestial being hates.
Personally, I’ve found it quite interesting and amusing so far.
@JB?
Are you a racist?
If you are not, why would you even bother looking at a website whose very name announces a racial bias??? I certainly have not - no interest in that crap.
So, if you are not a racist and have not looked at them sites, how would you know this is a rip-off?
Just curious….
Wait a minute, you kill Swayze, but you keep Cheney? Seriously give up the secrets on what’ going to kill that mother effer because 4 heart attacks, numerous bypasses, and a failed assassination attempt in Afghanistan haven’t managed to rid us of his plague.
Seriously, does this need to be an Exorcist kinda thing? Because if you give me an altar and the set of daggers, this could be over by now.
I think mamabev needs her own blog..she is sure in the wrong one here!
mamabev,
um. there’s no such thing as an all-powerful wizard that casts spells from outer space. wasn’t sure if you picked up on that one.
your friend,
crystal
Personally, among the wretched actors of the 80’s, I hate Chuck Norris the most. Is there something wrong with me, or does God hate him too? Norris is a prick with ears.
Maybe God forgot about us. He created our planet, our galaxy, and has moved on to some other part of the universe to continue creating. Maybe He doesn’t realize that life has exploded on this planet, with a species that keeps advancing. Maybe, one day, we will travel the galaxies, and find God hard at work. Maybe we’ll surprise the hell out of Him.
xanthippa- SWPL is not racist, nor is it a racial bias. Go read it then form an opinion. Jeezus…
Patrick is a god!
I’m not sure which is worse, the general sense of ignorance in these posts or your lack of compassion for another human being. Why not stop thinking you are each funny and put yourself in this man’s place.
God does not put sickness on people, our bodies simply don’t last forever, speaking of which, wouldn’t it be a good idea to reconsider where you are going when your body wears out?
Consider that the best you will get on the other side is the worst you have given on this side.
Sure, you can try to laugh this off too, but are you willing to risk your eternity on someone else’s beliefs? I didn’t believe in anything after this, but found out after nearly dying that there is someone to answer to… get a grip before it’s too late!
You can try to flame me, but I doubt I’ll be back to this page.
Unfortunately many of the audience doesn’t get the reality that these lethal sock puppet characterizations are wreaking our peaceful world while the booacy eat up satire sites like these for entertainment.
On a positive note, At least they can read……
clarence dember has bad grammar for such a smart guy who reads SO MUCH that i couldn’t possibly comprehend just how smart he is…you know, from all the READING. ooooooooooooooooooh. a book-learner.
gayer than a bag of joshes.
lethal sock puppet characterizations wreaking our peaceful world with what? you didn’t finish your brilliant thought, smarty-pants.
what are you doing later?
meh…i thought i’d go do some ‘wreaking’ with my ‘lethal sock puppet’.
well i think he ment to sae ‘wrecking’ our peaceful world. in which case, what fucking peaceful world are you talking about?? are you insane?
“Lethal Sock Puppet Characterizations” - sounds like a teenage garage band.
Hey God,
I thought You smote Swayze for good?
Just saw him in a new crime guy drama called The Beast on A&E - he’s a “rebel” FBI agent who just won’t play by the book. Tough and scrappy etc, but looking totally burned out, with a cheap wig to cover his chemo hair loss.
Please smite him again, he’s really annoying.
DAMN folks! Really! Spell it with me S-A-T-I-R-E. If you’re offended, well then, you’re S-T-U-P-I-D.
Lyds is right.
[...] This site is old, but I still found it funny: Stuff God Hates Blog Archive #4 Patrick Swayze [...]
I really hate ignorant (all) religious people.
Hire him before he explodes!
Cla
Give Cracka a break, Clarence. Pointing out misspellings is his only joy in life as he has no penis.
PENIS FACE!
it’s not a penis face ben. it’s what she says every time. she just says, blah blah blah—whatever someone else said—as he has no penis.
i wouldn’t expect you to understand, cracka, since it requires a penis to know what a vagina feels like, and you clearly have no penis.
or, as you have no penis, cracka, i would expect this type of penis envy from you. it’s about as funny as calling someone a whore.
clarence dember, it’s not a typo, it’s an incomplete thought. a typo would be like spelling typo like this: type o. you never did clarify what the sock puppet characterizations are wreaking the world with.
Cracka,
Please don’t assume you know me or what I would say. I’m quite sure you know what it feels like to be a vagina.
damn you, nun!!!!
I HAVE A PENIS!!!!
DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The boobacy loves the sock puppet deity excuse for their misbehaving. They really know how to squirm.
Nice slo-mo smite, God
You killed him!