Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In this entry I will focus on something that makes Me so mad, I just can’t even…say it…aargghh!! DAMN YOU SCIENCE! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Whew…ok…I feel better now. I always feel a lot better after damning things I hate to hell. And I think this blog-therapy has really been paying off in My Temper lately. Like, a couple of hours ago I could’ve totally killed this dumb baby I hate, but I was like, whatevs! I’ll let it live. For now.
But back to the subject at hand – stupid damned pagan science!
I, the Lord your God, despise science and all things sciencey. Scientists, the scientific method, laboratories, lab rats, the periodic table, Bill Nye - they’re all going to hell when they die.
Facts, evidence, hypotheses - BAH! These things show a disturbing lack of faith in My Divine Wisdom.
I mean, the gall! The utter gall it takes for man to try to figure out the universe I created. I gotta say, it’s pretty galling!
Put yourself in My Position. Imagine you made your very own ant-farm. You designed it from top to bottom, filled it with ants, and set about the joy of watching them kill each other. And then what do your stupid ants do? Get all sciencey and stuck-up on you!
Ugh. I hate every last one of those smug, self-satisfied scientists. Think they’re so smart! You probably think they’re smart too. Smarter than Me even. Well you’re not gonna think they’re so smart after they accidentally blow up the planet this summer. Yup, you won’t be thinking much at all after that, because you’ll be dead.
Well anyway, there’s just not enough time for Me to discuss the many things I hate about science in this post. Just know that in general, I hate science.
It is dumb. Really, really, really, really dumb. And it’s never proven anything.
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“He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.” — Leviticus 24:16
“He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.” — Leviticus 24:16
Thats deep
[...] ClanDan wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptImagine you made your very own ant-farm. You designed it from top to bottom, filled it with ants, and set about the joy of watching them kill each other. And then what do your stupid ants do? Get all sciencey and stuck-up on you! … [...]
Any word that ends in -eth is sacred and should be taken seriously.
God hides in the dark corners of the universe. As soon as science shines a light he scuttles elsewhere. God doesnt have many places left to hide now.
Well, I don’t know about that. The internet came from science, and if nothing else, it proved you can blog.
And now you’re thinking, is this a criticism or a compliment?
I couldn’t agree more, Big Guy. By the way, when those evil atheist scientists are being raped for all eternity by demons (as is their just reward for trying to play You, naturally), wouldn’t it be funny if all the demons wore lab coats?
while i did enjoy this blog, i gotta say it’s encroaching on long again. you gotta keep an eye for that.
ps. bridgette stinks, and leviticus 24:16 is for homos
Jesus was a muslim.
http://invitationtotruth.wordpress.com
Bridgette,
Thank you for your faithful reminders to all who comment here not to EVER disrespect Me. Be forewarned the lot of you!
Death by stoning is quite painful, I assure you.
PS - KyKnoord, demons do indeed wear lab coats in hell as they torture and torment scientists for all eternity. They also perform sadistic experiments on them, and of course, rape them constantly.
dumb baby i hate. hahaha. another great post God.
hey bridgette, why don’t you get a life?
A TRILOGY ON METAPHYSICS AND THE HUMAN SOUL
(Dedicated to the Honor and the Glory of God)
——————————————–
A SHORT TREATISE ON THE REALITY OF GOD
God is the ultimate reality. He has spun the universes into existence
and has created all other beings. As humans, we too had our beginning
from God. Like Plato and Socrates, I believe that we pre-existed in a
spiritual realm prior to being born into this world. Unfortunately the
church fathers, with the exceptions of Origen and Augustine, rejected
this view as an overreaction to the heresies of gnosticism and
neoplatonism that threatened to subvert the Gospel. How do I know of
this pre-existence? I have very faint memories of a spiritual existence
before being born into this world. My children spoke of this of this
existence when they were small. I have heard of other 2-4 year old
children being able to talk of their own pre-existence in the spiritual
realm prior to their earthly birth, when carefully questioned about it.
One couple I know of had three boys who each spoke of having been with
God and the angels prior to birth without any prompting from their
parents when they were small. Evidently as people age and develop,
these memories are overlaid with countless earthly memories and are
largely forgotten.
One may ask why are we here and forced to leave that spiritual realm.
I believe that the answer lies in the fall of Lucifer from Heaven along
with a third of the angels. It is my own belief that human spirits were
originally intended to be part of Lucifer’s cadre in the spiritual
realm. Once Lucifer fell, there was no further need for our existence
in the spiritual realm, since we had been created to serve Lucifer in
carrying out his heavenly responsibilities. Lucifer’s disobedience led
to our own eventual banishment from Heaven, even though we were not
involved in his revolt against God. God in His infinite mercy has
brought us to this world to perfect our redemption. He is bound by His
own spiritual laws in the eternal realm, but at the temporal level, He
can rewrite our destiny through His plan for our redemption. Had not
Adam and Eve disobeyed God, this plan would have been much simpler and
salvation would have been universal for all mankind. When that couple
listened to Lucifer rather than obey God, suddenly salvation became
much more difficult. Man had chosen sides and was no longer just an
innocent bystander thus bringing condemnation on all mankind who was to
be born on earth from that time forward.
Man himself had sinned against God and lost his opportunity for an
easier salvation. To put it in the vernacular, man really blew it. Now
man’s disobedience had to dealt with in a manner satisfying God,
fulfilling the new parameters now required for our salvation and permit
our return to the spiritual realm (Heaven) after leaving this earthly
sojourn. Christ, the second person of the Godhead, came to earth in the
form of a man to die a sacrificial death for our redemption so that by
believing in Him and on His death, we can be redeemed and made new
spiritual beings fit for His kingdom. Through Christ, the Holy Spirit
creates us anew and we are reshaped into His image, no longer designed
to follow after Lucifer and his entourage.
Praise be to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for their gift of
salvation through the Son’s loving sacrifice of Himself on the cross,
the Father’s willingness to send Him and the Spirit’s perseverance in
causing us to believe.
Some have a difficult time grasping the concept of the Trinity. The
Trinity is the three distinct, separate, yet simultaneously occurring
dynamic states in which God exists and through which He expresses
Himself. It may be easier to understand the Trinity by the functions
they perform. The Father is the Creator of His creation. The Son
controls the interface relationship between the Creator and His
creation. The Holy Spirit permeates the creation carrying out the will
of the Father and the Son.
Others may ask how does God create worlds and universes, i.e. this
temporal existence. I believe the new physics gives us an insight into
God’s methods. The big bang which began our universe was caused by a
large quantum fluctuation. These fluctuations are believed by some
cosmologists to be power spikes in a tremendous quantum field of
incredible intensity. Since there are undoubtedly many of these power
spikes, and at the top of each powerful enough spike is a created
universe, there are probably many overlapping sister universes to our
universe in existence at this very moment. They are separated from each
other only by the different quantum time value that each universe
possesses. Thus we can not see or sense them nor can they see or sense
us. You may ask how does God fit into the overall scheme of these
things. I truly believe that the energy that creates and drives this
quantum field issues forth from the mind of God even as He speaks the
Word. The beauty of God and His methods is that while we may seem far
removed from where God is, He is only a prayer away. He loves us and
cares for us, who believe on His dear Son, and longs that all mankind
will come to a saving faith in His beloved Son; but God wants our love
freely given and not given through coercion. He gives us His Holy
Spirit to guide us and lead us into paths of righteousness for His
namesake. All that is required of us is simple faith in our living Lord
and Savior Jesus Christ.
I look forward to the day that I return to the spiritual realm from
which we have come and can worship, adore, praise and glorify Him
forever. Our Lord made a way back where there was no way, so that we
may dwell with Him and enjoy Him forever. Praise be to God that He has
not left us nor forsaken us, but through His death established His plan
for our salvation when we come to believe on His shed blood.
Hallelujah, God is truly great and greatly to be worshiped in spirit
and truth.
In awe of the Living God
Richard E. Franing
AN INTERPRETATION OF GENESIS ONE
I’ve decided to take a shot at this one, so you folks need to get the
stake ready along with the rope, wood and matches because I’m about to
reveal my pet theory concerning the first chapter of Genesis. In second
Peter 3:8, we find the following in the RSV version: “But do not ignore
this fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years
and a thousand years is as one day.” This is a way of saying that God
is the creator and ruler of time as well as every thing else in this
universe and beyond. So even a million or a billion years can be as one
day or one nanosecond to Him as He chooses it to be, since He is beyond
time. With that in mind, lets move into Genesis. In the beginning God
created the heavens and the earth. I think that this represents the
start of our universe. The heavens representing space and the earth
representing matter. The earth being without form and void and the
Spirit of God hovered above the waters. The matter had not coalesced
together sufficiently to form large physical bodies in space, but had
coalesced enough that internal heat within the matter was driving off
water vapor that may have condensed on the surface of that matter. Then
God said let there be light. This was beginning of nuclear fusion in
our universe, along with planet building. Where the light hit these
protoplanets, there was day and on the backside of these bodies was
night just as God had commanded. Obviously it took billions of our
years for our universe to reach this stage, but to God that is little
more than a blink of the eye.
God called this time the first day. The morning and the evening being
whatever time that God wishes it to be or when He wishes it to be. I
think it highly unlikely He is saying an Earthday at this point because
our solar system had not been created yet, that did not occur until the
fourth day. On the second day God separated the waters into the seas
and the sky. Evidently certain planets in scattered solar systems had
cooled enough for their atmospheres to start clearing instead of one
big shroud of clouds enveloping these planets from their surfaces
upward. This probably took millions of years to occur. During this day
God formed the land surfaces upon these planets. Again in God’s time
there could have been another blink of His spiritual eyes. Evening
could be when He closes His eyes and the morning when He opens them
again. So ended the second day. (I can see that you folks have erected
the stake and gathered the firewood. You’re having a cookout! Right?).
On the third day, God brought forth vegetation. There have probably
been many planets within our universe in times past and yet today that
have some forms of life upon them. This is God’s universe, along with
any others, and He can do with them whatever He so desires. Who are we
to limit Him to only caring about what happens on our dinky little
planet, as important as it is to us? Don’t get me wrong, God does care
about us and this Earth, but We are not His only responsibility. Again
God blinks His eyes and another day is over in His book, even though
more millions of Earth type years may have elapsed.
On the fourth day God created our sun, the moon and obviously the
planets in our solar system. From this point on, I think that God is
referring to our planet when He speaks of the earth, although He is not
yet talking in Earthdays when He speaks. We tend to limit God into our
way of thinking, not realizing that He is far greater than we could
ever imagine. God also created the land and plants on our Earth in this
time frame. This “day” must have been several billion Earth years long.
It is wonderful that God never gets tired doing all this creating,
because if He did He would probably get worn out just trying to keep up
with all the petitions I offer up to His throne, let alone those that
everyone else bring to Him in prayer.
On the fifth day, God created the animals. Plants were already in
existence on the Earth, being part of his previous day’s work. This
time frame probably lasted hundreds of millions of Earth years. As you
can tell by now, I think that God used an evolutionary process to bring
this to past. Not a random type of evolution, but a God inspired and
God driven evolutionary process that only He is capable of doing. Truly
we have a great and awe inspiring God.
On the sixth day, we arrive at the place where the rubber meets the
road so to speak. Did God create man? You bet He did. Did God use an
evolutionary process to create man from the higher mammal animals? You
bet He did. (GASP!) You say what about Adam? I think He came along
later. This day probably lasted several million years. God looked at
all of this creation and declared it good. Who are we to argue with God
about something like that. If He says it is good, then it must be good.
Anyway God decided He needed a little vacation after all that work of
creating. I’ll bet my bottom dollar that the seventh day did not last
even two Earth seconds, because God loves what He is doing so much that
He won’t ever give it up and keeps on keeping on.
Getting back to Adam, I believe that Adam was the first human with a
spirit bearing soul. God created him from the dust of the Earth and
breathed life into Him because God had created him for a special
purpose. Adam was a perfect man. He could not say that bad genes had
caused him to sin. Likewise Eve whom God created from Adam was perfect.
These two were to be the first of mankind to enter into this world with
a God created spirit. All men existing before Adam had a soul, but no
spirit indwelling that soul. This leads me to think that the fall of
Lucifer from Heaven occurred sometime after the sixth day. This I have
reason to believe: that spirits of men are leftover remnants from the
old order that existed in Heaven before Lucifer launched his revolt
against God. As beings who did not take part in that revolt, but
nevertheless of suspect loyalty to God, we could not remain in Heaven
in our old form. We have to be transformed into new creatures before we
are acceptable to God again. This is the purpose of our earthly
existence. God knew that Lucifer and a third of the angels were going
to revolt against him. He also had originally created us as subangelic
beings to assist Lucifer in carrying out his heavenly responsibilities,
before Lucifer got the big head and decided to try to take over God’s
position. I wonder if that happened while God was on vacation during
the seventh day. It would be just like old Lucifer to try something
like that.
Anyway, once God decided that we subangelic spiritual beings (see
Hebrews 2:7) could no longer dwell in His heavenly kingdom in our then
spiritual form and He began thinking of ways to change us. He could not
do this at the eternal level because He is constrained by His own
eternal laws at that level. He had to bring us to a temporal level to
accomplish that. Since a suitable vehicle (man) was already in place to
accomplish this objective, God decided to piggyback these spirits into
men’s souls. This is why our soul also contains a God created spirit
(see Hebrews 4:12). Adam was the first of these spirit souled men. Had
he not disobeyed God, he would have been permitted to eventually eat of
the tree of life and been transformed into an eternal creature, with
rights to dwell with God forever. Adam and Eve were a special test
case. God knew that if they failed the test, then all men from that
point on would fail this test. They were cast out of the Garden and
forced to live among the other existing humans. From that time on all
human beings have had a spirit bearing soul. How long will this go on?
Probably until heaven is emptied of its condemned subangelic spirits or
until the church on Earth becomes so decadent that so few are getting
saved and transformed thru faith in the shed blood of the Lord Jesus
Christ, that there is no purpose in continuing the process. This why
spirit bearing souls should not be aborted and the Gospel must be
preached with great fervor everywhere on Earth. This is our one and
only chance to be able to dwell with God forever. We pass this way but
once and each spirit bearing soul gets only one chance. There is no
reincarnation. We must not rob ourselves or future generations of this
sole opportunity for salvation. Once Adam failed, only the new Adam
(Jesus Christ) could salvage the situation for us. He is the Way, the
Truth and the Life. He who has Christ has eternal life and this life is
in God’s only begotten Son.
I have presented this theory, not as an absolute truth, but as an
attempt to bridge the difference between fact and faith. Many people
choose to ignore the physical facts around us or to twist them to agree
with their particular interpretation of God’s Word. Likewise too many
people ignore the Scriptures in a vain attempt to arrive at the facts.
God does not lie nor do the facts lie, and ultimately they are saying
the same thing. (So why are you folks grabbing me, not the stake. Oh
well, let the flames begin. (Arrrgh!!!)
Thoughtfully yours in Christ Jesus,
Dick Franing
A SHORT TREATISE ON ORIGINAL SIN
The Lord God took man and put him in the garden of Eden to till it
and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may
freely eat of every tree of the garden; but of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you
eat of it you shall die.”
But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die. For God knows
that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like
God, knowing good and evil.” …..she took of its fruit and ate; and
she also gave some to her husband, and he ate. Then the eyes of both
were opened, and they knew that they were naked. …..
Then the Lord God said, “Behold the man has become like one of us,
knowing good and evil; and now lest he put forth his hand and take also
of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—therefore the Lord
God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from
which he was taken. He drove out the man: and at the east of the garden
of Eden he placed the cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every
way, to guard the way to the tree of life.
(excerpts from the Book of Genesis, Chapters 2 and 3)
How often has man pondered these words throughout the ensuing
centuries and speculated as to their exact meaning. Some say that it
was an actual fruit such as an apple, some look at it as being an
abstract historical event, some think of it as a crisis of the spirit
that man experienced, while others think that these verses represent a
supernatural experience that Adam and Eve had. Some people think that
it represents some form or type of superior knowledge. Still others
think of it as a mythical story told to explain how sin began. None of
these concepts are comprehensive enough to adequately explain the true
nature of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
I fear that I now know the meaning of these verses. The tree of this
knowledge lies deep within the soul of man. It is what the Christian
teacher Watchman Nee refers to as “the latent power of the soul”. So
what is this latent power that lies hidden deep within the inner
recesses of man’s soul? I believe that it is a type of angelic power,
which might be better thought of as Adamic power.
Man is a sub-angelic being who is endowed with a certain degree of
latent angelic capability. Man is not an angel, but man may be
distantly related to the angels in some manner. Under certain
circumstances, the latent angelic capability of a relatively few number
of people can become momentarily activated for short periods of time.
Probably at least 99% of the human race never experiences any of this
activation and thus are totally oblivious to the existence of the
latent angelic capability within themselves.
Activation of this capability primarily occurs during spiritual
dreams while asleep. The person begins a troubled dream while in a deep
sleep, then slips into a state of spiritual dreaming through which the
person can temporarily enter into the angelic mode. While in this
temporary angelic mode, the person is able to direct the course of
future events, depending what the subject of spiritual dream is. If the
person exercises his angelic powers in concert with the direction of
the Holy Spirit of God, the results will be good and beneficial. If the
person exercises his angelic powers in a unilateral manner, then the
results will inevitably be evil. The person acting in a unilateral way
is trying to play God by usurping God’s authority in total disregard to
God’s will. This is the reason why Adam and Eve fell in the garden. As
a result, they were stripped of their innocence and left naked before
the Lord. It appears that the ability to be activated runs in certain
families. It may also be that this ability may skip generations within
a family, as well as individuals within an active generation. My
father’s mother was an angelically active person, but my father never
experienced activation as I have.
In honesty, I must admit that I have exercised this angelic power
both ways in the past, for the good of mankind when exercised in
concert with the Holy Spirit and to the detriment of man when I
exercised it unilaterally. This was largely done in ignorance before I
realized what the exact nature of this power was and how capricious
this Adamic power can be. It has a Jekyll and Hyde quality about it and
must be exercised with extreme caution and then only under the guidance
of the Holy Spirit. Adam was warned about this danger, but he chose to
disregard God’s warning. When God told Adam not to eat of that tree, He
was telling him not to exercise his angelic capability because it would
cause him fail the test and all future mankind with him. After man’s
fall in the Garden, this capability became latent. Because Adam sinned,
he was not permitted to eat of the tree of life. The way of the tree of
life would have to be personified in the Way, the Truth and the Life in
order for man to have that opportunity again to gain eternal life and
that life is in God’s only begotten son, our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ.
My experience with this phenomenon is that it begins in earnest
during the early teen years, reaches its peak about 30-35 years of age
and then slowly declines until it reaches a point of near cessation
during one’s lower fifties. The time of greatest power during a
person’s early thirties is also the time of greatest danger because it
when the greatest extremes of good and evil are possible. Momentary
angelity can a potent stealth weapon if used unwisely. Following
one’s spiritual instincts can indeed be dangerous, thus the person
must stay close to God and be clothed in His righteousness. The old
testament and book of Acts states that the young men shall see visions
and the old men shall dream dreams. In those days, an old man could be
any man past the age of thirty because life expectancy was not very
long in those days. I have experienced these visions and dreams in the
past. The visions are basically learning experiences while the dreams
are basically doing experiences.
Adam lost any chance to gain access to the tree of life in the garden
when he disobeyed God, thereby losing the opportunity for eternal life
with God in heaven. As children of Adam, we also share that lost
opportunity, but God in his great mercy has created another way for us
to obtain eternal life with Him. God sent his Son, the Lord Jesus
Christ, to die and shed his blood to free us from the first Adam’s
curse and our own sin. Through faith in the Lord Jesus we are born anew
into God’s family and receive the promise of the Father that we will
stand faultless before the throne at the day of judgement. We are no
longer children of disobedience, but we are now children of God fit for
His kingdom. All that is required of us is simple faith in the Lord
Jesus and His sacrificial death on the cross, and to open our hearts
and minds to the working of the Holy Spirit of God.
Man tries his own methods of attempting to tap into this latent
angelic capability that some are vaguely aware of within themselves.
Some gnostics, certain psychics, many new agers, kundalini yogis,
certain mediums and supernaturalists of various kinds are trying in
their own way to regain the power that Adam and Eve possessed, abused
and subsequently lost during the fall. Little do they realize that they
are playing with spiritual dynamite. A few people may try to regain
this Adamic power with an intent of somehow attaining angelic status
which they think might give them access to the tree of life. God has
blocked this route with his cherubim and flaming sword. They would be
far better off to seek the Lord Jesus Christ and His righteousness as
the path to eternal life. Having experienced this Adamic power first
hand, I am well acquainted with good and evil even as Adam was. I thank
God that Christ is my refuge, that in Him I find forgiveness through
faith in His shed blood and that He sets my feet on the path of
righteousness for His name’s sake. Truly He is the Way, the Truth and
the Life. Praise be to God for His everlasting grace, love and mercy.
Under the Blood of Jesus,
Richard E. Franing
As a bloodvark, I would also like to be under the blood of Jesus.
Jesus blood is like a delicacy.
Mr. Franing,
After reading through your treatsies (clearly a misnomer by any standards. A treat this was not.) I have considered your hypotheses and pet theories along with all the vivid language that you provided to floral it up a bit.
Simply put,
meh.
Franing,
Get an umbrella. Ask Rihanna if you can’t afford one of your own.
wow….that sure was some crazy gibberish rfraning. how do you think with all that nonsense in your head?
if this is your idea of a short treatise, god, you better help him if he wants to do a long one!
So you now hate science too…how many times are we gonna have to go over the whole “free will” thing? Couldn’t you have foreseen that was going to come back and bite you on the ass?
LOL. I can’t decide which picture I like more, the ridiculous science one (what the hell is that guy doing?) or the 50’s ant-farm kid.
science has most certainly proved one thing - there is no god.
rfraning, i love the lack of any evidence whatsoever in that moronic schpiel.
Religious nutjobs who comment here keep me coming back for more. Laugh out loud funny. Keep it up God!
Dear God,
Why do you allow a-holes to post comments on a funny blog that are longer than four of your blogs combined? Does this not enrage you? It makes me mad that I have to use extra scrolling down power to read all the comments now. I think it’s time someone got raped by demons.
Your humble servant,
Josh
Lard. You could’ve just summed it up this way. When it comes to some of your believers, stupid is the new smart.
bridgette,
we heard you the first time!
p.s. god, i love the blog!
Breathe, Richard! Breathe!
You’re suffering from a lack of oxygen.
God, is rfraning going to hell for posting a blog on your blog?
Dear Lawwwwrd,
I pray you heal the hoe I just shot. Heal thy skank so that I do not have to take here to the medicinie scientifical doctors. Smite the doctors and nurses with orthopedic shoes (but not the cute blond that gives visitors sponge bathes).
Heal the hoe so that your servant does not have to go to prison and be cuddled by a sodomite named Spike.
Also if you could do something about my crabs, that would be icing on the cake.
Amen
Sorry God,
Please don’t smite me, but I have to disagree.
My understanding of science and God is that it enables us to more fully under the majesty of your creations. It would be like you painting some amazing scene, and people being able to comprehend just how awesome it truly is, instead of just babbling at the pretty colors.
Dear God,
Please excommunicate rfraning. She is a d-bag.
Also, I never got the truck I asked for. What’s up? Is there, like, a long queue for requests or what?
Science is for pussies, as I’m sure you’ll agree. Also, for pescine tacos is the following!
http://www.stuffwhitedbagslike.wordpress.com
p.s. I am NOT drunk (yet).
[...] I’m going to take a break from venting about the big things that bother Me (women, science, anal), and focus My Rage onto one particular speck of infectious human waste – American citizen [...]
God is now a joke?
I write another blog http://dawkinswatch.wordpress.com and I dispel these myths that God hates science.
Look I like the stuff genre blogs but to take God’s name in vain is not right.
you know what’s taken in vain?
your face!
I heard that Richard E. Franing died while having sex with a horse.
Holy Fuck Dick Franing
I always wondered:
How did you not know Eve was snakin’ apples from the tree, god? I thought you knew everything.
Also, why did you put the tree there in the first place if you didn’t want people messing with it? Isn’t that kinda like putting a mousetrap in a trick-or-treater’s bag?
Dear Mr Franing:
You’ve got a serious case of evangelical bulimia. Please get some help.
Oh, and same with Bridgette.
The Unpleasent Bestialist only told part of the story. Richard E. Franing actually died while having sex with Eight Belles, post-mortem.
Franing is one sick fuck!
Okay, so if God’s omnipotent and omniscient why are all these things he supposedly detests running amok on our fair planet ? By what tortured logic do such imperfect creations come to be created by a flawless creator ? And, oh yeah, Bridgette, there are lots of things advocated by God in Leviticus that our somewhat less primitive legal system frowns upon. For instance, our laws explicitly prohibit murder, even if it’s a Leviticus-inspired stoning of a homosexual.
RFraning. You must be clinically retarded. This is the almighty God himself’s blog!! He doesn’t need a lecture about the materials He himself spoke into existance. It’s like telling Henry Ford how to build cars or trying to teach Ray Kurzweil to program a computer. For that, you’ll probably spend an eternity in hell as the personal sex slave of satan.
PirateHooker. Maybe that was Mr Franing’s plan all along?
stuffgirlslike - I checked your blog out. Your credulity knows no bounds. I’m impressed. And yes, God is a joke - at least he would be if he existed. Ah blasphemy, the only truly victimless crime (no offence God, but I would be honoured to have my own personal smiting).
Dear God, it’s me Margaret*
The dude in your “science” picture is totally pipetting wrong. The index finger confers much greater control than the thumb, resulting in fewer pipette related errors and lab mishaps.
Please smite his worthless tech school ass and make sure he spends an eternity getting raped in Hell by Big Pharma.
Thanks.
Me.
*PS. Please don’t smite me for that totally lame joke that you probably hear like 4 million times a day.
He’s been that way for thousands of years.
[...] in common. He hates snitches, I hate snitches. He hates anal, I hate anal. He hates science, I hate science. You get the [...]
Why is it the only people who do not exhibit God’s gift of humour are those who devoutly worship him?
HILARIOUS!!!
God rocks!! (who knew?)
That’s easy for you to say.
Scienticians like the one pictured are up to no good. Just look at his eyes… at that pipette tip looks weird.
[...] all the merit badges related to science. This includes the merit badges for: chemistry, computers, electricity, electronics, energy, [...]
[...] I have discussed before, I have a deep and abiding hate for science, and NASA is nothing but a group of science twitpigs who take pride only in knowing and making more [...]
Bridgette, sit down and shut the hell up. God already said he hates science. Isn’t that enough for your ID mind?
It took me three, THREE whole seconds to scroll all the way through rfraning’s post. What a waste of time!
Bridgette is dumb and she never goes away
God,
If I didn’t know this blog was satire I would say how much of an retarded prick you are for hating science when you’ve seen it cure diseases one by one and has made the world you know today what it is.
I love lipstick lesbians.
[...] #15 Science February 21, 2009 — Skepdude CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES” [...]
God, can I get some advice?
A few bad apples in my ant farm are trying to convince the rest of the colony I don’t exist. They could easily see me, if only they turned their little segmented bodies slightly to the side. They lack faith. They do not want to see me. I’m afraid that these “non-believers” actually resent me, and will rise up against me if I don’t do something.
Dear Lord, what should I do? I humble myself before your smitely person.
Dear God,
How about a smite for the CERN
Large Hadron Collider?
Maybe with lots of fireworks and a really scary black hole that sucks in the Alps and all those bankers.
Tony,
I already smote the Hadron Collider, remember? I broke it in the first week. Ah, but I see, next time I’ll make it more ’shock and awe’ just for you.
God sounds like a woman,
complaining about
static cling…
All other post-ers
sound like
drunk Japs
singing karaoke.
God’s running out of things to complain about?
Science? Queen Latifah?
Were God secure, would He really care?
Can’t He destroy the world and all creation
if He wanted?
It’s like you locked your keys in Your car
while you’re on The Holy Rag or something.
God, you’re kind of a whiny bitch.
This blog is about as funny as Mr. Furley’s
outrageous scarves.
hey hume,
what the fuck crawled up your ass, asshole? This blog is consistently funny and it has been from the beginning. You sound depressed. What’s the matter, your wife won’t fuck you in the ass anymore? You got the strap-on blues?
God hating science is one of his best posts, and the Queen Latifah one was awesome too! Those pictures had me laughing my ass off. If anyone is a whiny bitch here it’s you.
Nice to see you’re still capitalizing for Him tho.
i don’t understand people who post on a blog to say they don’t like the blog they are at. well, here i am, back at this place that i hate…again. just like last time i came here.
Feeling’s mutual, ‘god’. You’re just an artifact of ignorance. “[...]a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” He’s got your number, boss.
science is the realm of satan!!!
Uh oh. I think I might be in trouble here. I work in a laboratory and I can attest that it is indeed Hell. I think I need to evangelize more and work less.
crap. i’m wearing a lab coat right now. i just verified a ketonic urine specimen. oh no. somebody just asked me the difference between vitamin d hydroxy and di-hydroxy. we need to preach our balls off, curtis.
oh, man. this last urine sample had clotted chunks of menses and one longass pube floating in it. excuse me, might i ask that you please leave your underwear on so we don’t asphyxiate? this exam room is not well ventilated. thank you. i hope you enjoyed your visit.
GROSSSSS!
If that’s science, then I’m on God’s side. And BTW, I agree with Ben. God might not mean to be funny, but he cracks me up. The madder he gets, the more I laugh.
Ooops! He. He. He. Bad Anne, bad!
Ben and Smog are on the ass fucker express.
What is it with you shitbirds?
Fascinated with ass fucking, are you?
Hmmmm.
God, you’re here to amuse and entertain.
Ben, you’re a fag.
Anne, you’re an idiot who can’t go 5 minutes
without using the words ‘pagan,’ or ‘fondue.’
Cracka and Smog are funny — sometimes — as is Nun.
Josh is about 60 to 70 percent funny.
Whoever Bridgette is — hilarious.
God is starting to remind me of Hunter Thompson
or Hemingway: still brilliant late in His career,
but starting to repeat Himself and re-tread
old material.
Ben, I hope you sprain your ankle and fall down some
stairs after chugging a wine cooler, you lightweight cunt.
Something bad, but not too terrible, because no one
cares about you enough to get genuinely riled.
what are you trying to say?
can you be more specific?
do you have a gonzo tattoo?
when smoggy wakes up he’s going to write the weirdest poem about you and buttsex…i can hardly wait.
and yes, anne johnson, science is gross.
I don’t understand… this is God’s Hate the Darkies who love Africa month… is this post being reused because the black scientist in the picture loves Africa?
Hume’s insults are getting better…
…respect!
Actually I was just joking, Humie.
Respect this…
The way to offend on a blog,
That belongs to a back-to-front doG,
Is to mention butt fucking,
And deviant sucking,
And the passion Hume feels for his hog.
HAPPY MONKEY!
BTW Hume, in answer to your other question. Am I fascinated with ass fucking? You betcha! I’m as fascinated as GOD is–he’s into it enough to smite anyone that tries it. Must be good if the big fella wants to keep it to himself. Ass fucking is the new way for abstinence pledges to stay virgins–beats oral I suppose. In fact, the whole world has a thing about ass fucking. Why do billions of people care about the poop chute? Because it works both ways–things come out, things can go in. When things don’t come out we make bad jokes (the constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil), when things do come out we make worse jokes. And then there’s the things that go in. At 16 I saw a bad British comedy where a hospital tried to remove a jar from a man’s ass by filling the jar with plaster of paris and sticking a broom handle in it–you guessed it, the wheeled trolley he was lying on escaped the ward and shot through the middle of town, with broomhandle butt screaming and the rest of us laughing. Assholes Humie–it’s one thing we all have–male and female / man and sheep. How democratic is that? Vote with you arse. Vote for your arse. Sit on a spike and spin.
Right. That’s me finished.
PS Fuck off Americanuses!
You’re an odd fellow, Smoggy.
Thanks Nun. That means a lot coming from you.
Cracka, I figured you were in health care, but I didn’t realize you were a bioanalyst in a laboratory. How cool is that? Are you a generalist or a specialist? I’m primarily in microbiology, but don’t tell God ’cause He hates science.
Hume. #74. I’M the one who is always making reference to fondue. Geesh, get your insults right.
I don’t think that guy in the picture is a real scientist at all. I mean, really, who wears protective glasses and gloves to pipette colored water?!? And I’ve seen better microscopes in grade school science classes. Plus, the guy is black. Everybody knows the only reason black guys go to college is to play basketball.
youch. that was racist.
Pot. Kettle.
haven’t i mentioned working in a lab like 5 million times? just general lab tech boringness…nothing special. any idiot could do my job. even ben.
well…maybe not ben.
let me tell you what my job is like:
5 minutes before we close,
every single fucking time,
some fatass walks in the front door with severe chest pain…
that he’s had all day…
every time.
fat fucking assholes.
call 911 when your heart attack starts.
don’t wait until you finish your 3rd bowl of cheese (basically fondue) soup and then go to a CLINIC at the last second!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH tell me about it! When we used to have to take call, at 3:00 freaking AM, “how long have you had the pain?” to which the reply would be, “Oh, for a couple of days now”.
Stupid patients.
But you sell yourself short, Cracka. A CLS needs a good mix of technical, clinical, and organizational skill, the ability to interpret a lot of data very quickly, the ability to recognize a trend or shift in QC, accuracy and precision, the patience of a saint, and the stamina to work under very stressful conditions with little or no recognition from the general public, physicians, or other clinical coworkers. After all, EVERYONE who comes to the hospital or clinic gets a lab test. We are the “unsung heroes of health care”.
I don’t know how I missed that you also work in a laboratory. My apologies, but it does explain why you are so cranky all the time.
‘night, Cracka, aka “hero”.
And before we go to bed, disciples, please open your hymnals to #93.
Anne - you sing the soprano part.
Nun, you’re alto.
Cracka and You, you sing baritone.
Josh, come on in with the bass.
I’ll sing tenor.
Shut up Ben, you can’t sing.
ALRIGHT NOW!
When we AAAAAAALLLL get to heaaaven, what a day of
(when we all)
rejoicing that will beeeeeeeeee! When we aaaaaalll see
(rejoicing that will beee) (when we all)
JEEEEEEsus, we’ll sing and shout the victoryyyyyyy!
(all see JEEsus) (shout the victory)
Damnnation@! and drat@!$#@ THAT was supposed to be #100.
crap. I beat myself at my own game.
The pill curtis…there beside you…TAKE…THE…PILL!!
All right? Now… breathe…
Wow. Don’t tell God, but I’m a molecular biologist/neuroscientist. But I still TOTALLY believe in God!
Good, I ‘m glad of that Lyds. I know you are also one of My double agents.
I will have this post at the top of the page till further notice. I will continue to post new hate posts, but they will be located directly underneath this one on the main page.
This will be a test of your mortal intelligence to see who can follow along, and who becomes incredibly confused by this.
God, what if we fail this mortal test of intelligence?
Then you will prove to Me and everyone here that you are an imbecile.
Also, hell.
Dear God,
Since most humans are dumb, they will fail this test, do a quick glance on Your blog and then believe that You do not update Your divine blog on a regular basis. This will lead to a lower viewership of Your blog, which would limit the chances of You getting a book deal like those gays at Stuff White People Like.
Ah, perhaps you are right Josh. However, I care not for such trivial matters. I only care that the world knows what I hate the most.
Poor vaginas will never be able to follow along. Thanks for making us so dumb, God!
Smog,
You eventually reached your bunghole,
after a trip around your elbow.
Are all kiwi farmers as fascinated with feces as you?
Thanks.
H. Cronyn
Also, poem was funny.
Explanation that followed?
Way too long.
Think brevity, like your sexual capacity
and accompanying organ.
God
Did you smite Franning yet?
I’d like a front row seat to that…..please
Kraig,
I smote franing in the 16th post, a long time ago. Here is video evidence of what I did to him:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IvSBy9Lxnc
By using the name of “God” you are clearly violating the third commandment. The blogger “God” claims to hate blasphemy, yet all his/her post are all subject to blasphemy.
Holy cow, it’s Captain Obvious!!!