Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about the most evil, stupid show on television today – American Idol.
I hate American Idol. It’s blatantly blasphemous! For the love of Me, it’s got Idol right in the name!
Remember? Idolatry? One of the ten things I banned way back when?
You have all completely forgotten the first and second commandments:
1. You shall have no other gods before Me
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol
Must I remind you that the point of all existence is to worship Me?! You people put TV before Me, and then dedicate all your time to making new idols. Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks – all demons sent from hell to distract you from how Awesome My Singing Voice is!
And let’s not forget the ‘judges.’ Simon Cowell is a pompous asshole who beats his wife, Paul Abdul is a pill-popping cum-guzzling gutter-slut, and Randy Jackson is a fat bastard who murdered a guy once. And Americans worship this three-headed monster three nights a week and then sleep in on Sundays.
That’s another thing I hate about American Idol – the crazy numbers it gets. It averages 30 million heathen viewers every show. That’s roughly 90 million more American souls I have to damn to hell every week!
And America used to be My Favorite Country too. They used to print on the money, “In God We Trust.” I really liked that. It was flattering.
Yup, I used to bless the U.S.A. whenever I was asked. But no more. Now I curse this land of apostasy! You have American Idol to thank for that.
For the record, I have no problem with Ryan Seacrest. He’s actually pretty cool.
Note: I also don’t like how American Idol raises money to help Africa.
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Fuck that trash on 
f american idol
africa ftw
“He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.” — Leviticus 24:16
Even I don’t like American Idol…and I’m the nice one of the trinity.
Although I’d hit Paula if I had enough to drink first. I just loves me them crazy women. I’m just saying.
Super J.
I LOVE American Idol! Where else can we watch people with a modicum of talent make fools of themselves when they have to sing and dance like ponies to Andrew Lloyd Webber? Where else can we watch a washed-up singer/dancer drool and stammer trying to find something kind to say to everyone while the words dance just out of her merry reach? Where else can we see so much hair gel on the head of one human being? Where else can we watch a bunch of performers beg people to help in Africa knowing full well none of it will make one damn difference as long as I keep the African governments greedy and corrupt? American Idol is magnificent! And even though you think you know all, I’ll bet you did not know that Simon Cowell is one of my own. We created this spectacle together!
Good post, God. I totally agree. Keep it up.
As a Brit, I’d just like to say thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for taking Cowell off our hands so often.
For once, you’ve answered my prayers.
Nice picture of the new dollar!
It’s funny how many ‘Christians’ watch it and never think about the idolatry part. Good post God.
I have to say, although I am indifferent and neutral about most things in life, one thing I do take a strong position on is hating american idol and it’s dumb dumbness. It has dumb hosts and dumb fans and dumb contestants with dumb faces.
We’re together on this one.
too long, didn’t read
God, Simon Cowell is not married. But, I do agree. American Idol is the devil’s playground.
Less religion, more funny.
-11
SWPL,
Simon Cowell has sex with his woman. As far as I’m concerned, as soon as penis enters vagina, you are married.
“Bridgette is a fat girl’s name.” — Bloodvork Stuff God Hates: About:16
Really?
Honestly, I have never seen a single episode of this Idolatrous show. Really. 5 minutes was all I could take…
Though, on the up side…
I DID like the ‘Psych’ episode based on that show! Now, THAT was worth watching!
Seacrest is the new jesus.
No problem with Seacrest?
I always knew god was a douchebag, but jumping jesus h. christ, that is ridiclous!
DAMN YOU JUDAS! YOU HAVE BLASPHEMED AGAINST ME FOR THE LAST TIME!!! For that I’m taking you out of hell and sending you to live in Nebraska.
Ryan Seacrest is, surprisingly, a good person. And handsome too!!
Simmer down Bridgette, God knows you love him long time!
I am so glad that I am NOT one of the 3 million who watch “the Idol”.
Sorry, 30 million…
that fuckstick in comment 10 is also not me. he doesn’t know shit about length. as a matter of fact, this blog WASN’T too long and i DID read it.
so suck it, unpleasant fake!
Does anyone else smell sour grapes? Methinks God was shot down by the judges while doing his version of “Since U Been Gone” at the Dallas auditions.
-19 God? WTF?
“Ryan Seacrest is, surprisingly, a good person. And handsome too!!”
Dear Lawwwwrd,
Bring back to the airwaves thy humble servants Stryper. Bless the crack which their spandex doth floss.
Amen
Death to American Idol
lol I can’t believe someone imitated the unpleasant jew. I was surprised too, bc I was like, hey, this post was rather short and sweet.
19.
“DAMN YOU JUDAS! YOU HAVE BLASPHEMED AGAINST ME FOR THE LAST TIME!!! For that I’m taking you out of hell and sending you to live in Nebraska.”
hahahaha! too funny!
i (heart) tim
But if we don’t worship people who are hot with pretty voices, what will the popular culture magazines do with themselves? These people need to exist so we can make them famous and then obsess over the intricate details of their lives.
Dear Lord,
Simon Cowell is NOT a sodomite? Effeminate British Critique of Pop Music is NOT having that type of sex Thou strongly disapprove of with the likes of Clay Aiken?!?
Holy God, Thou work in truly mysterious ways to create such a confusing creature! Then again, if Cowell is indeed Satan’s spawn, I guess it all makes sense.
I would like to say
WOOOT
I am (was) an athiest but now, knowing that there is a god that hates american idol as much as i do, I don’t care if i go to heaven or hell, as long as i know that there is a god that hates things as much as they should be hated
Haha, I thought the 10 commandments were just jokes Moses took too seriously.
I love you.
Nebraska is freakin’ boring. Sucks to be you Judas.
Ryan Seacrest enjoys anal sex.
God loves us all. It dosen’t matter if your white,black,brown,gay or straight. He loves, He created us. He just hates the sin we comit. He sent his Son to die for our sins. All we have to do is accept Him and belive in Him and we will be saved. It’s just that simple as that, and so easy. Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life, no man comes to the Father accept by me. [ Follow me and go to Heaven. Follow sin and go to Hell, you make the choice, it's all free will.] Jesus King of Kings, Lords of Lords.
LOL. Religion. Feeble-minded sheep spouting off nonsense from some halfassed, bullshit book of idiotic parables as if that will get them into “heaven.” Fuck your religion, your beliefs and basically everybody who looks like you. You want a “good book?” It’s called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. You get all the good info without all the stupid smiting and magical thinking. OK? Thanks.